Episode #550: Of course he won't tell

[Skyshot]

This is going to be a battle of non-minds, I tell you. Garland's patience will be sorely tested by Fighter's stupidity and ADD.

Also, that panel with Red Mage was awesome. That's bound to go into someone's signature somewhere. (Although, one wonders why he said "as long as we live.")

I'll go ahead and be the first to ask, what is that blue spaceship thing from?

Anyways, discuss.

[dac1990]

This is, in my opinion, RM's greatest gag in the history of the strip. He flawlessly takes the essence of the stupidity of Fighter and melds it with himself to create ...fire. I laughed out loud for a while on that, but not nearly as hard for strip 272. Well, done Brian!

[Illuminatus]

Just a quick question: Brian, did you mean naivete in that last panel, or is naivety a word I don't know?

[Number 81]

This is a great example of Fighter's intelligence. Brian always said that Fighter is the smartest LW. He was able to correctly identify the weaknesses of his team. I was impressed that he could figure out that RM was weak against himself, Fighter always seemed as the type of person to agree with RMs plans (although, he never actually showed any oppinion on RM's plans untill now.

[1blackmage]

wait - does thief have a weakness then? looks like he doesn't from what I read.

[TheI3rokenspiral]

Dammit, Fighter really is smart. But the ADD off-shoot was hilarious. Wonderful segment on RM.

[netrider6]

:fighter: "Black Mage, well, he's a nice guy, but he's a caster. A push or a gentle breeze will take him right out."

lol

and he does have a point(never thought I'd say that) about the starship's weakpoints...

[PyrosNine]

Well, now I know how to take out a starship, but It appears brian has been listening to us, as this current strip answers a great many questions we've made about fighter and his intelligience and his naivete. But he was right about many things, but not Bm. It takes quite abit to keel over the Ol Bm. Because fate wants Bm to suffer as much as humanly possible, bm's survived much worse fates than BB suffered in his death.

[netrider6]

The book rights thing was witty and it took me a minute to figure out what on earth Fighter was babbling about... Another great comic!

And yes, it does seem as if Brain's reading the forums. He could be anywhere, even....
BEHIND YOU!

[Cybren]

Damn! I wanted to get three in a row, but I missed this comics uploading :(

[Kurosen]

Brian, did you mean naivete in that last panel, or is naivety a word I don't know?
It goes either way apparently.

[Mike McC]

Also, that panel with Red Mage was awesome. That's bound to go into someone's signature somewhere. (Although, one wonders why he said "as long as we live.")He said "For as long as we live." What he thinks he means is that with this new technique, they'll never be cold again in thier natural lives. But the joke in that line can easily be summed up by the following:

"Give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

If you don't know what that means, shame.

wait - does thief have a weakness then? looks like he doesn't from what I read.Yes, Thief has a weakness. His Greed. You see, you set up a trap that has some desireable, valuable, or exploitable treasure within it, and Thief will not be able to resit it's siren call, so to speak. Fighter just misinterpreted his weakness, and think it's the hastiness the greed leads to.

[AscendedPikachuZero]

Fighter was partly right about his assessment of the team; I'll reveal the flaws in their mentality in-depth along with that of the Dark Warriors.


Fighter: Naive to a fault. Fighter is probably too trusting; I mean, he's been traveling around with a guy who secretly wants to stab him into four digits for cryin' out loud. He also lacks active intelligence, the kind that tells you how to effectively fight an opponent despite any real circumstances (the time when he realized sword-chucks doesn't count). Also, Fighter is overly obsessed with swords; anything heavily resistant to swords, like iron golems, will stop him in his tracks if he's alone.

Thief: Greed incarnate, just as Fighter said. Thief will take anything and everything of value if it suits him; he lifted everything that WAS nailed down in Pravoka, after Bikke's pirates jacked everything that wasn't. In many a battle situation, Thief thinks he is above violence, using legal methods to try to turn the battle in his favor. This is a vital flaw on the battlefield; isolate him, lure him to a room with more treasure than he can pass up, and have that treasure guarded by anything that is either ignorant of, or blatantly disregards, the law (on top of being immune to knives), and Thief will literally walk to his doom.

Red Mage: Red Mage's biggest mental flaw is that he thinks his plans never fail; if he were Pinocchio, his nose would be 50' long by now. The only genuine success was when he cast Ice-9 on Marilith/Kary after containing her in the Bag of Holding (this same scenario also proved that White Mage's oath only extends to humans, elves, dwarves, mermaids, and Lufenians). Red Mage's biggest flaw period is the fact that his abilities are defined by his 'stat sheet', a lousy piece of paper. Marilith should have incinerated Red Mage's stat sheet before he came up with the Ice-9 strategy; that would have scored her extra brownie points with Chaos for offing the Light Warriors. He's still got it somewhere, so that means if it is destroyed, he's a blubbering mess.

Black Mage: Black Mage is a little trickier, because he's easily the most competent of the Light Warriors. But his glaring flaw is his Hadoken; it expends so much of his magic energy just using it that he can only fire it off once a day. I can see Tiamat making him waste a shot, effectively crippling the Light Warriors' ability to fight her. That and Black Mage's stereotypical flaw of being physically weak; because he's devoted so much of his time to mastering the arcane arts, he's shifted developmental focus away from his body. The only reason Black Mage hasn't killed Fighter is because he needs a meat shield to soak up damage for him. Speaking of which, Black Mage is prone to needless, cruel, and gratuitous violence; remember when he blew up a ship carrying supplies for dying orphans? I can see it now; Black Mage gets isolated and runs into the Onion Kid he bullied around, only for the OK to be carrying all the Onion equips. In addition to being a whirling dervish of death, the FEOK's magic tolerance will be impossibly high, meaning even the almighty Hadoken won't get close to vaporizing him/her. Proverbial shoe's on the other foot now, huh, BM?
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From my assessment, one must think the Light Warriors are real weak if you play your cards right. Unfortunately for the Dark Warriors, they can't play their cards right.

Garland: Garland is stupid. He's not the brightest person on the block, I'm sure; hell, he threw away POISON intended for the Light Warriors! The lack of intelligence is clearing up, as he asked the gullible Fighter to divulge the flaws in his team. There's also the fear of Forest Imps; Garland hasn't run into any lately, but what will happen if he does?

Bikke: He's just as stupid as Garland. He actually believes CHEETOHS are a source of vitamin C! And he also was dumb enough to believe Black Mage can't speak English when he WAS speaking English. He's the incurable weak link to the Dark Warriors; destroying him will disrupt the remainder of the group.

Drizz'l: Drizz'l is smart enough, cutthroat enough, and likely evil enough to take command of the Dark Warriors and make them effective - though not in the same way Evil Sara would. Maybe he just doesn't have the nerve to declare mutiny on Garland, because if he did, he surely would have killed that fop and taken over by now.

Vilbert: Vilbert is an LARPer to the core, on top of being a vampire. While this does give him the flaw of being a target for his unpopularity (Black Mage didn't care that the Armoire's leg punctured his gothicular membrane, as that caused his bad poetry to stop), it also gives him a strong memory advantage. The problem is that he doesn't apply his mental talents in the proper manner. Unless he can somehow correct it, I see in his future him chained inside the Armoire, the Pile Driver, and White Mage powering it with the strongest Dia magic she can whip up.

[Klyco]

I like how fighters ADD kicked in.

[AscendedPikachuZero]

There are only four more characters to cover, but they hold enough of an influence over the 8-Bit Theatre world to warrant covering.

White Mage: White Mage is smart, caring, talented... everything you could want in a woman of her position. She clearly has everything needed to lead the Light Warriors, and if Red Mage or Thief didn't jack her spot in the group, they would be much better off than they are now. Fighter could get over his sword obsession, Thief would learn what it's like to care about humans and not his wallet, Red Mage would learn that there is life beyond a piece of paper, and Black Mage would actually come to look beyond blowing anything he wants up with the biggest fireballs he can conjure. Speaking of Black Mage, if it weren't for the healer's oath, he would have been permanently dead a long time ago. You think he would learn, huh?

Black Belt: Black Belt is too much of a xenophobe; while he's a one-man wrecking crew, his lack of knowledge of the outside world impairs his ability to learn and adapt to the environment. This, as we know, led to his combustion at Marilith's hands. He became able to partially open up to the world around him through White Mage, but he didn't make it all the way before his rather unfortunate end. Sarda was a jerk for not reviving him; all the power in the universe and he wouldn't bring him back, or at least ascertain his viability.

Princess Sara: Sara is the evil equivalent of White Mage, minus the healing magic. Smart, talented, an important political figure, even a bit cutthroat. It's a shame she decided to stay in Cornelia with daddy, because she would have made the Dark Warriors far more formidable than they are now. She would have been the best candidate for leading them, make no mistake. And speaking of daddy...

King Steve: If there was EVER a guy in the 8-Bit world who NEEDED to die, King Steve is that guy. The man takes stupid to a whole 'nother level; he mistakes freshly-removed LIGHTBULBS for the Crystal Orbs destined to restore light to the world, he acts like he's a genius when he clearly isn't, taking credit for stuff he couldn't make in his entire lifetime, setting up a stupid ELECTION when you do not vote in a king whatsoever... he's lucky Sara - or ANYONE in the castle, for that matter - hasn't decided to do the right thing and put some poison in his goblet. He needs to be taken out of power as soon as possible for Cornelia's sake.
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There's a reason I assessed the Light Warriors' flaws so critically, and it revolves around the CITADEL OF TRIALS. It's likely Brian will run them through that place, so something like this would be the Light Warriors' ultimate test...

1] Before entering, the Light Warriors must place in enchanted treasure chests every personal belonging they have on them - ranging from their weapons to food to even personal mementos. (Black Mage: The hat stays with me.)
2] After being ushered inside, the Light Warriors will be given equipment for a class considered to be most distasteful for them (Fighter wielding a staff, Black Mage in chainmail, Thief wielding an axe) and forced to wear it for the duration of the trial.
3] The LWs will then be forced to contend with a powerful monster vulnerable to sharp weapons (Fighter can't exploit because he's got the staff, remember?) in close quarters and with impossibly high magic defense (to the point where using the Hadoken would be outright suicide, to keep Black Mage from weaseling his way out of the trial). The exit would only open when the monster is permanently dead.
4] The Light Warriors claim five keys from the corpse; one for each of the enchanted chests they put their belongings in, plus one to open the chest containing the coveted Rat's Tail. Just as a last-minute shocker, Red Mage's stat sheet would combust when exposed to oxygen after the chest is opened, burning right in front of him. If he can't overcome that flaw, he has no right to be a Light Warrior, period.
5] Any and all attempts to seek out any legal loopholes will be reprised with instantaneous petrification without exception. The first time, the offender will be un-petrified shortly thereafter and informed of the situation as a warning, the second will follow with the petrified offender being completely shattered. Thief will have no choice but to do this the hard way, as the laws he professes have no influence in Citadel territory.

[Viktor Von Russia]

Woah Nelly. AscendedPika-whatever guy. You might want to check out the rules before posting. Double posting that is. Twice. You can find the rules here. (http://forum.nuklearpower.com/forumdisplay.php?f=11)

That being said, welcome to the forums.

Yes, Thief has a weakness. His Greed. You see, you set up a trap that has some desireable, valuable, or exploitable treasure within it, and Thief will not be able to resit it's siren call, so to speak.

The time EPS captured all of the LW's is proof of that. I forgot exactly what the sign said, but the point is, hang something shiny in front of him and his Elven intelligence goes right out the window.

[Trixbeat]

You're probably referring to the sign that said "Free swords, free exp, free gold, free pie" to attract the LW one by one. Which reminds me: Will Brian ever revive the very small and very old gag of BM's obsession with pie?

[konnor]

blackbelts weakness: hes friggin dead!

[Bob The Mercenary]

I could come in here with a "CASTERS SUXXORZ!!" rant, which would be fact, but Brian already commented a while ago that he doesn't like rogues. This being said, I will never be able to agree with him on anything, because if you don't like my class then you don't have class...oh that one's good.

[Kima Azure]

You know, I think that a funny sequence would be if WM was jealous of the mermaids and unconsciously almost killed them without realizing it (she wouldn't really see that they are in pains). It could be worth a laugh or two.

[kam_islash]

Casters kick ass in Dungeons and Dragons.
Litany of War, Prayer, and recitation make me nearly damn invincible.

///

[Kurosen]

I don't like rogues?

[Bob The Mercenary]

I remember you saying somewhere in one of your newsposts something to that effect. Or I could be absentmindedly misquoting. I'll try looking for it.

[Edit] My error, you said in your episode 489 post "Let's face it, Dual Wield is there to make Rogues look like they're doing something in between Combo and Finishing Moves (zing on you, Lydia!)". That's not exactly saying you don't like them.

But, then you go on to say in a most studious manner, "Oh, and Alliance can suck it." For that I slap you with a glove.

[Ace_of_Spades]

Well, i wonder how the 'light warriors' are going to get outa this one... so when comes the part where the dark warriors start to slaughter them?

[Cheerful Coffin]

I'm not particularly fond of rogues either. But they beat high magick campaighns.

We all know i'm a spell-casting machine. :bmage:

But I can't stand when EVERYONE can do something, that's what turned me off to Final Fantasy.. What's the point of calling magick rare and mysterious if only like three classes CAN'T cast "some" spells?! It cheapens magick-items and makes spellcasting appear dull and overused. Zelda does a better job at keeping a balance.

Hense I made a campaighn where there is only a handful of casters which conspirasize to keep thier power a secret because to know too much could be catosprhophic to the world, psionics who are jealous and use science to "manifest" "powers" which intragues both sides as it's a differant source of strength entirely. And even a mutant class who's sole purpose is to be an offspring of the conflicting energies of magick and psionics. Who pretty much dominates the playing field up untill level 9, I gave him a little bit extra at level 13 of learning eight skills of his or her choosing as class skills but by then people are thinking "pthpppt! I maxed out the skills needed at level 5!"

It's not easy creating balance, but me and my group think I did a pretty good job and no-one is complaining about the lack of DBZness. :bmage:

[Carnivore]

Well, i wonder how the 'light warriors' are going to get outa this one... so when comes the part where the dark warriors start to slaughter them?

Knowing the Dark warriors? They'll screw it up on their own. Garland will think Thief can't do things on the left, that they should teach Red Mage how to make a fire...

That, or if the Light Warriors should fight and lose, they'll have a big "Seeing the light" (No pun intended.) moment, full of Tolkien-esqe religious symbolism. I can just imagine now... Fighter the White.

[Ace_of_Spades]

Knowing the Dark warriors? They'll screw it up on thier own. Garland will think Thief can't do things on the left, that they should teach Red Mage how to make a fire...

That, or if the Light Warriors should fight and lose, they'll have a big "Seeing the light" (No pun intended.) moment, full of Tolkien-esqe religious symbolism. I can just imagine now... Fighter the White.

Or Sarda might actually do something for a change... speaking of which, what ever happened to Sarda and WM?

[Number 81]

We have been proven wrong. Fighter is the smartest Light Warrior. But look at this comic again. Garland, previously thought to be the stupidest of the Dark Warriors, has succesfully discovered the Light Warriors' weakness. Bikke and Drizz'l wer fooled by Black Mage and Thief who said that they doesn't speak english, and Vilbert was too engulfed in the world of LARP to deal with Red Mage. This all proves that Garland is the most competent member of the Light Warriors.


Garland: Garland is stupid. He's not the brightest person on the block, I'm sure; hell, he threw away POISON intended for the Light Warriors! The lack of intelligence is clearing up, as he asked the gullible Fighter to divulge the flaws in his team. There's also the fear of Forest Imps; Garland hasn't run into any lately, but what will happen if he does?


Garland got help, (http://www.nuklearpower.com/daily.php?date=040506) remember? He got over his problem. (http://www.nuklearpower.com/daily.php?date=040511) He did throw away the poisoned food that the Light Warriors were to eat, but by the time the Light Warriors would eat the food and the poison would kill them they would be far from land , what would they have to eat? And look here, (http://www.nuklearpower.com/daily.php?date=031120) Garland has clearly shown that he knows how other people think and uses this to make plans that work. Making Garland the Smartest of the Dark Warriros.

[1blackmage]

Quote:
Yes, Thief has a weakness. His Greed. You see, you set up a trap that has some desireable, valuable, or exploitable treasure within it, and Thief will not be able to resit it's siren call, so to speak. Fighter just misinterpreted his weakness, and think it's the hastiness the greed leads to.

---

Well, that would be a weakness except for the fact thief always gets away with it and is never caught, and unless his teammates interfere, usually comes away much richer than before. I cant think of an example where theif actually got himself into trouble he didnt thief his way out of, so to speak. Looks like thief is invincible and that he has his so-called character vice covered.

[Klyco]

I don't like rogues?
http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/pa_rogues.jpg

[Trixbeat]

Well Thief definitely isn't invincible. BM backstabbed him twice already.

[Carnivore]

Quote:

Well, that would be a weakness except for the fact thief always gets away with it and is never caught, and unless his teammates interfere, usually comes away much richer than before. I cant think of an example where theif actually got himself into trouble he didnt thief his way out of, so to speak. Looks like thief is invincible and that he has his so-called character vice covered.

I disagree. What if it was a fiend, like Kary, who didn't give a dire rat's backside for what the law states, got a hold of him? He'd have to rely on his natural Elven agility and talents that he honed to perfection after years of wandering in the forests to get out of it!

Or, if you put a pile of gold in front of him, and then chopped his head off from behind?

[Kima Azure]

The first scenario is against you. The second is good.

[Phil]

You can always count on Fighter to screw it all up :)
Him and Red Mage of course.

[1blackmage]

Quote:
Well Thief definitely isn't invincible. BM backstabbed him twice already.

When did blackmage successfully backstab theif?
(or are you referring to those random knifing scenes that come to no consequence?)

@ Carnivore
Perhaps you could do that to thief, but it hasn't been demonstrated thus far and he actually has managed to use his agility to get out of every bad situation thieving couldnt get him our of. It still seems he has that covered and that that is at best a theoretical weakness, but not a demonstrated one.

[Bizzaro_Exdeath]

Drizz'l: Drizz'l is smart enough, cutthroat enough, and likely evil enough to take command of the Dark Warriors and make them effective - though not in the same way Evil Sara would. Maybe he just doesn't have the nerve to declare mutiny on Garland, because if he did, he surely would have killed that fop and taken over by now.
Do I have to point you back to the circumstances in which Drizz'l cut Fighter down from the web?

Thief's weakness is that you can easily trap him, or persuade him with riches. Recall the time when Evil Princess Sara put up a sign that said "Free Gold" (or something like that), and Thief zipped into the dungeon. You could probably seize him by putting a piece of jewelry in a bear trap.

Fighter is like the Rain Man. He doesn't have any knowledge when it comes to social interactions or practical manners of thinking. However, he mathematically decoded a super complex ancient language scripture in an instant, without ever having studied the actual language.

[The Fifth Power]

Yeah, is it just me, or does fighter really seem to know what hes talking about with all that wierd language stuff? It seems that hes very good at talking... And stuff.

[AscendedPikachuZero]

Quoted by Number 81:
Garland got help, remember? He got over his problem.

That's not entirely true. In an incident that happened shortly after the therapy, Garland paused for a moment when Forest Imps were mentioned. The Dark Warriors have not come across Forest Imps ever since, so this theory has never been tested. We'll know for sure when Garland crosses paths with them. Lufenia, perhaps?

Quoted by Bizarro Exdeath:
Do I have to point you back to the circumstances in which Drizz'l cut Fighter down from the web?

Drizz'l may have done some foolish things at times, but he has a better track record than the other three Dark Warriors. He was willing to admit there was something wrong with the team: "I have got to get new, non-sucky friends." Understanding of a fact is part of the road to correcting it, though he doesn't have the drive to actually start down the path from what I've observed.

[Trixbeat]

Don't forget about Berserker lodging axes into his head. Yea, it seems Thief is prone to crazed attacks of rage.