Where's the Excerpt?

[Bizzaro_Exdeath]

I remember a while ago that a passage from this book was available, and I always told myself: "I'll get around to reading it." Now, I can't find it. Does anyone know where it is, if it's still available?

[Kurosen]

I dunno, but here's the first page of Issue 24 - Hijackery!


The Metroville Airport Air Traffic Control Tower bustled with activity, which was no surprise considering the amount of Air Traffic that must be Controlled in Metroville’s Airport. Not to mention the unconventional means of air travel that plagued the city in the form of self-catapulting midgets and caped weirdos.

The Colonel chewed on his stubby cigar, thus cementing Jerry’s long held suspicion that the Colonel was utterly insane. This belief first developed the moment Jerry met him when the Colonel introduced himself as “the Colonel” and violently insisted everyone refer to him as such despite the fact that he never held any military rank whatsoever in his life. Nevertheless, Jerry, as an Air Traffic Controller, had a job to do. So he did it.

“Colonel,” Jerry reported. “Flight 1313 reports a complete loss of cabin pressure and power, all four engines are on fire, the landing gear has fallen off, the bathroom has been Occupado for well over an hour, there are only kosher meals left, a gang of terrorists have hijacked it, and both pilots are unconscious!”

The Colonel chewed a few more chews on his cigar and stared purposefully at Jerry’s radar screen. The cigar slowly emerged from his mouth with all the stealth of a severely obese ninja trying to sneak across a well lit area.

Jerry hated it when he did that.

The Colonel spat his soggy cigar onto the floor. He spoke with the slight John Wayne type of drawl that anyone who demands to be referred to as “the Colonel” develops after thousands of hours of practice, “These boys are in trouble, Steve.”

“Jerry, sir.”

“Kevin, get me the Flight Information on that bird.”

“Jerry, sir.” He was never certain how the Colonel was able to make words sound capitalized. It was fascinating and terrifying at the same time, like watching a tsunami as it loomed over you. “Flight 1313 took off from Metroville Airport runway thirteen at 13:13, destined for Burgesville later tonight. Flight 1313 has 130 passengers and is manned by 13 flight attendants, Captain Buck “Blackcat” Openumbrellaindoors, who hasn’t had a single mishap in his career spanning one year, one month, and thirteen days, and copilot Lance “Broken Mirror” Walkingunderladder on this, his thirteenth flight.”

The Colonel considered the facts with a slow, sorry shake of his weathered head. “What’re the odds, eh, Charlie?”

“Jerry, sir.”

“Dozens of planes in the air, and this one has a case of bad luck. What a crazy, unpredictable world with no discernable patterns or allegiances to silly superstitions.”

“Um, there is more,sir.”

“Go on, Akbar.”

“Jerry, sir. After about thirteen minutes of flight, a group of seven terrorists clad in mismatched Hawaiian shirts declared they were hijacking the plane to Metroville.”

The Colonel’s confident veneer cracked with confusion. “Didn’t the plane take off in Metroville?”

“Er. Yes. They apologized saying this was their first try. They’ve been circling the Airport trying to figure out what to do next. On their thirteenth lap, all heck broke loose. According to what we were able to piece together before they broke off radio contact, they call themselves the ‘SMOTCAOAN’ and they admit that they aren’t very good at this sort of thing.”

“So it would seem. But it does beg the question, Suzzie.”

“What question is that, sir?”

“How the hell do we get them down safe?”

[Bizzaro_Exdeath]

Well, I was going to ask what Issue 24 - Hijackery was, but it spontaneously came to me in the middle of the text - not to mention with the little help of that Akbar reference - that it was an excerpt of your book. Anyways, thanks for that, it was quite funny, I'd say. Can you believe that I just wrote two exams on the thirteenth of June?