I feel a bit down today

[TheSpacePope]

Okay, I know this may be unorthadox, but quite a few of you are funny so....
I have just felt shitty the last couple of days, and it seems that the forumites funnyness (yes i made the spelling up) is one of the only things that is keeping me good. My girlfriend told me she needed some time apart, and I am having trouble dealing with this, not that anyone cares about that, but I thought we could all have a game here
So everyone submit a part of a funny story, each forumer keeps it going till we are just riddled with laughter. there is no contest rules, nothing special for the winner, cept' you get to make the space pope smile, and we all know how much Zod likes that. (plus the million in space bucks.)




so if this is out of line just close the post, but if anyone feels like taking some time to cheer me up, the efforts won,t be forgotten.

[Lockeownzj00]

I know I have a million but I can't just come up with it out of the blue like that unless it happened very recently--so is tehre some sort of general topic we could use? Because then through association I could go, "oh yeah, speaking of that--!"

[Yakubyougami]

*there*there*

Things could always be worse, unless you happened to have died at some point before reading this post.. then it's pretty bad isn't it - not that you'd care, being dead and all.

Try to avoid death, that's my tip.

[TheSpacePope]

death is being teased though healthy abuse of alcohol, but yea i'm not really that bad
88 hugs for the advice though

and locke, how bout a story about the time that you and me got ripped and went to the waffle house, that i just made up right then and there, just some thing off the wall and funny so I can laugh. instead of the other wet faced thing.

[Dj_StarChild]

...Read the epic battles thread! It's fun! *blatant advertising...*

[The Wizard Who Did It]

Raiden: I foresee much pain in your future, Pyros.

Being the Japanese God of Thunder, I'm close friends with the other Japanese gods. Don't force me to call in a favor with Suijin, the Japanese God of water. He'll get bushido all over your ass.

PyrosNine: What? That's all you got? I happen to have a friendship with Cthulu my dear thundering friend. Sure, my birthday gifts last october from him weren't exactly pleasant. Since I recieved what appears to be a "Dance with me Elmo" that has spider legs, breasts, a beating heart, and shares a liver with a twoheaded aborted rat fetus.

But it's the thought that counts.

Raiden: I've got so many connections.

I've got the Japanese gods living in my neighborhood, the Norse Gods on speed dial, the Greek/Roman gods are AIM buddies, and if they can't handle it, then I can call down the big guy up above to hand down some divine retribution.

Krylo: How many times do I have to tell you, Raiden? I do NOT do divine retribution anymore.

Raiden: Oh come on, Krylo!

You owe me for that "Turning Sodom and its inhabitants into pillars of salt" thing. You know how hard it is for a Thunder God to turn things into salt? It's damn hard!

Krylo: Yah, that would be true, if I hadn't actually just asked you to pass the salt and you decided to be a smart ass and turn an entire city into salt. Yes. I use a lot of salt, but damnit, overdo it much?

PyrosNine: Wait? That was you? I had relatives down there! Ever wonder where the ore called "Pyrite" came from? Geeze, and next you'll tell me you sunk Atlantis on a favor!? Had things gone as I planned, they'd all be ashes. But nooo, they had to sink and become Merpeople.

Hmm...Sodom salt. That would probably taste better than Soylent green, methinks.
----------------------------
"Imagine, if you can, an epic world wherein heroes dwell. And good thing too, 'cause, man, is there ever evil afoot in this land. It's not even safe to go to the sword shop! You know these heroes. They are...

The valient knight... the arcane master... the trickster rogue... the cunning cavalier... the caring healer... and the brave warrior.

They must band together and rid the world of an evil scourge! One that threatens to destroy and corrupt all that has been achieved by the kingdoms of men.

'I'm the evil scourge! I'm a dragon. Yar!'

And then...

Yeah, okay. And then the wizard guy, who was the most powerful and best looking wizard in all of creation and didn't have any kind hygeine problems, got tired of being held back by the incompetence of his stupid and very ugly compatriates.

So on their first night together, he cast a low level fire spell inside the lungs of the other adventurers instantly sufficating and cooking them frm the inside while they slept.

Then, with the help of some basic necromancy spells, he fashioned their charred remains into an undead suit of armor that would fight for him on his quest straight to the evil scourgey dragon where he would then deliver their corpses, demand control over half the world, and trick the dragon to stepping onto that half so that he could then possess the dragon's great powers as well and usher in a new era of darkness and suffering, etc., etc.

[PyrosNine]

Here's some video game related skits:
http://forum.nuklearpower.com/showpost.php?p=300000&postcount=6

http://forum.nuklearpower.com/showpost.php?p=303008&postcount=22
And Ode to sundrop:
http://forum.nuklearpower.com/showpost.php?p=277226&postcount=1076

And a bit from The Epic Battles thread:
http://forum.nuklearpower.com/showpost.php?p=351178&postcount=79

[Neodymium]

Bwegh, the only 'advice' I can offer is that girls = evil. That was pretty much my motto through high school. Thus I made no attempts and actively warded off any aggressive ones (all 2? of them). Happy I did it. No drama, no breakups, no babies, no 'gotta run to her house and get drunk', just peace and quiet.

But then, the other day, I somehow overdosed on clonazepam. I only remember taking my usual one. Maybe it was the Arby's I had for dinner that night. I have no idea how or why, but I retroevolved into a retarded pigeon for about 2 hours before I fell asleep (or knocked myself out by ramming a wall, I don't remember which).

DON'T MIX ARBY'S WITH BENZODIAZEPINES! IT DOESN'T PAY.

[CallmePrismatic]

I don't know if this goes against the spirit of the thread or continues it, but the state of the japanese toilet is just amazing currently.

Yeah, and then he undid the belt, let slide the pants to the floor, and sat on the toilet. He then ran the bidet. While shitting a hurricane. And brushing his teeth. And gagging as the brush entered his throat. He was probably pissing at the same time. If he'd also taken the time to jerk off, that would be what we call "A Neopolitan." Yet he one-upped even the Neopolitan. Added a scoop of chunky mint-chocolate-chip on top -- spread his legs, rustled khaki, clinked his belt against the concrete floor, and spat into the bowl.

Heavy stuff (http://www.largeprimenumbers.com/article.php?sid=toire).

[Lockeownzj00]

But then, the other day, I somehow overdosed on clonazepam. I only remember taking my usual one. Maybe it was the Arby's I had for dinner that night. I have no idea how or why, but I retroevolved into a retarded pigeon for about 2 hours before I fell asleep (or knocked myself out by ramming a wall, I don't remember which).

Ah, there we go. I had a similar experience, recreationally once, with a different benzo. It resulted in "holy shit I don't remember" and "holy shit I really don't remember."

Alright.

#1:

Read this and laugh (http://www.brunching.com/images/geekchartbig.gif), then realise you're one of the branches.

#2:

Be amazed! (http://media.hamncheez.com/pictures/flightsimulation.jpg)

#3:

Calvin and Hobbes (http://www.progressiveboink.com/archive/calvinhobbes.htm
)

#4:

And finally, that time that me and The Space Pope dropped mighty powerful sunshine acid and wound up here (http://www.kozyndan.com/takodanababa.html).

[Mondt]

#2:

Be amazed! (http://media.hamncheez.com/pictures/flightsimulation.jpg)

Heh... heheh... hahahha.

My dad wanted two moniters so he could see behind him when he turned he chair around in BF2

[PyrosNine]

#4:

And finally, that time that me and The Space Pope dropped mighty powerful sunshine acid and wound up here (http://www.kozyndan.com/takodanababa.html).

You mortals and your "acid". I've been seeing the world like that since I was born. You could say I'm high on life. OR you could say "Stay the hell away from me you freak who sees anthropromorphic bunnies and biggie frys!"

In other words, you lesser beings pay lots of money or jump through hoops for a few minutes of the sensation, whereas I live it 24/7 fo free.

If that's a good thing or not, I can't tell. Either way, the geek chart humbles me. At least I'm not on the very bottom...

[Adghar]

#1:

Read this and laugh, then realise you're one of the branches.
As you may expect, I take a little offense at this. WTF is 13-year old gamers doing near the bottom of the tree? Thankfully, I don't count, as I'm a 12-year old gamer for four more days, but still. WTF? How is gaming at 13 years geekier than LARP?! Some 13-year old gamers aren't idiots, y'know. And what about anime haters that use the term "Japanamation"? Because, frankly, I find it more accurate and more insulting at the same time. Those Japanese bastards (I can say this because I'm Chinese).

[POS Industries]

As you may expect, I take a little offense at this. WTF is 13-year old gamers doing near the bottom of the tree? Thankfully, I don't count, as I'm a 12-year old gamer for four more days, but still. WTF? How is gaming at 13 years geekier than LARP?! Some 13-year old gamers aren't idiots, y'know. And what about anime haters that use the term "Japanamation"? Because, frankly, I find it more accurate and more insulting at the same time. Those Japanese bastards (I can say this because I'm Chinese).

Look, at least you don't fall into over a third of the catagories.

Anyway, back to the issue of His Holiness of the Cosmos. I know how it is. I myself have had a bad habit lately of laying awake at night thinking of quick and easy ways to end it all, followed by sleeping all day because I was busy all night lulling over doing a very STUPID thing. Still, people seem to think that I do a lot of good things for the world at large, so I'm sure I'll be OK. I mean, think of the children!

Still, though as anyone who has read any of my posts can attest, I have never been nor will be "funny", here's a story I wrote to a friend of mine when she needed cheering up...

"So, okay, so there's these guys, and they're doing this thing. It's an odd thing, but I don't know what it was because they didn't tell me. They seemed kind of defensive about it, too, so I thought that was odd. (I love this joke). So anyway, they're doing this unnamed thing that they wouldn't tell me about and the first guy (you can tell he's the first guy because of the mustache) says to the second guy (who also has a mustache but it's completely different from the first guy's mustache), "Hey, that's no wildebeest, that's my wife!"

The second guy looks at the first guy confusedly and responds, "But... you don't have a wife. I'm, um, pretty sure that's a wildebeest." Then they both break out into a musical number about cheese.

Anyway, that's how they told it to me, and they both thought it was hilarious. I told them to get off of my property before I called the cops. True story."

[Toastburner B]

Behold...Star Wars: Revenge of the Brick (http://www.lego.com/starwars/anakin.asp?x=x). Watch, and be amused!

[MrJoykill]

yo don't be sad, be glad.

you know what is worse than your day?
The holocaust


so remember that when you have something bad happening to you, ok?

[anphorus]

#1:

Read this and laugh (http://www.brunching.com/images/geekchartbig.gif), then realise you're one of the branches.


Wait, one of the branches? I'm much geekier than I thought (not that that's a bad thing).
As you may expect, I take a little offense at this. WTF is 13-year old gamers doing near the bottom of the tree? Thankfully, I don't count, as I'm a 12-year old gamer for four more days, but still. WTF? How is gaming at 13 years geekier than LARP?! Some 13-year old gamers aren't idiots, y'know. And what about anime haters that use the term "Japanamation"? Because, frankly, I find it more accurate and more insulting at the same time. Those Japanese bastards (I can say this because I'm Chinese).

It's because all of us were 13 at one point in our lives, and when you're older you'll look back at yourself then and go "Jeez, what the hell kind of n00b was I?" Or "Man was I and idiot!" or something to that effect. It happens to us all. I think that my personality changed more vetween the ages of 12-16 than the entire rest of my life.

Also the reason that anime haters in't in their is because hating anime isn't geeky. If you say to someone that you hate anime, they wont call you a geek, whereas even the top of that list still counts as geeky.


I don't really get depressed, but whenever I feel down I always just think of all the good things I have. Like my health, family, friends etc. It really works!!:D

[Yakubyougami]

WTF? How is gaming at 13 years geekier than LARP?!

Or anyone else for that matter - short of trekkies who can speak Klingon - seriously Klingon? Learning a fictional language is a sin against humanity!


Those Japanese bastards (I can say this because I'm Chinese).

It's funny cus' it's true.

[TheSpacePope]

I less than three you guys
i am lauging the old ass off

you all will be spared when the rapture comes
or the raptors, i can't remember.

[In Hindsight]

I don't have anything humorous to share, but I'll tell you what always picks me right up whenever I'm a bit on the down side. That new-fangled Intervention show!

Seriously, the people on that show suck at life so much, it's impossible to not feel awesome about yourself.

[Adghar]

Okay, I decided this rant was too offensive and not funny to stay up, but the earlier link (http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html) stays.

[Yakubyougami]

I think you passed a toe or two across the line, but no worries. (http://spikedhumor.com/articles/147/Oriental_Bounciness_probably_NSFW.html?autoplay=tr ue)

[Nique]

Oh... oh my. Yakubyougami... that's ah... Well, a candy commercial. Yikes.

[MrJoykill]

I less than three you guys
i am lauging the old ass off

you all will be spared when the rapture comes
or the raptors, i can't remember.

hey have you heard the current news?

Chuck Norris was captured by terrorist from the future, they wanted to kill him cause he was the key that would lead the new revolution. So they pushed him in to a pit full of raptors. He then came out with a new pair of reptile boots and roundhouse kicked all the terrorist so hard that they were sent 3 centuries later!

[Fifthfiend]

Okay, I know this may be unorthadox, but quite a few of you are funny so....
I have just felt shitty the last couple of days, and it seems that the forumites funnyness (yes i made the spelling up) is one of the only things that is keeping me good. My girlfriend told me she needed some time apart, and I am having trouble dealing with this, not that anyone cares about that, but I thought we could all have a game here
So everyone submit a part of a funny story, each forumer keeps it going till we are just riddled with laughter. there is no contest rules, nothing special for the winner, cept' you get to make the space pope smile, and we all know how much Zod likes that. (plus the million in space bucks.)




so if this is out of line just close the post, but if anyone feels like taking some time to cheer me up, the efforts won,t be forgotten.

There's a story my friend used to tell that always cheered me up.

It was the Story of Why Jesse Stopped Drinking Jack Daniels.

So my friend -

- Jesse-

- is at this party, right?

Drinking Jack Daniels.

(Jesse is this scarecrow-looking motherfucker, like what you'd get if Steve Buscemi had been raped by George Carlin.)

So anyway

He'd got himself like a whole bottle of Jack Daniels.

Like a fifth, whatever the standard size is.

And he's having himself a good old time.

You know good people, good music, good whatever.

So he's having such a good time he has like half of this bottle.

And you know he goes on having a good time.

So then the next thing he knows...

He's in a field.

Just lying face down in this big muddy ass open field.

So he lifts his head up and looks around and he's like

"So what the fuck am I doing in the middle of a field?"

But then after that he's like "Hey, there's three dudes coming over here."

And he was like "Hey, those are some big, mean lookin' dudes."

And then he was like "Hey, those guys look like they want to beat the shit out of me."

And then

They do!

They come right up to him and commence to absolutely beating the shit out of him!

And then, completing the task at hand to their satisfaction, they just walk away, and leave Jesse clutching himself in pain and wondering how the fuck he's going to get out of this field.

And that's the story of why Jesse stopped drinking Jack Daniels.

Of course when he finished the story, he'd always turn to whoever had the bottle of Jack Daniels which prompted the story -

And be like "don't want to drink that bottle of Jack Daniels so much any more do you?"

And then the person would be all like yeah.

So then Jesse'd be like "So how about you gimmie that goddamn bottle of Jack Daniels!"

And when the person was all hey I thought you didn't drink Jack Daniels any more

he'd be like "Well yeah jackass, I left my bottle in a damn field! But now I've got yours so I can drink Jack Daniels again!"

[MrJoykill]

I knew a man of the name of Jack Daniels...
Ironicly he died of alchohol poisoning the next day

oh and "rawk" is a better improvement from your other quote,"WOO! GENETELIA!"

oh and dude that is sad... are you happy yet?

[Fifthfiend]

oh and "rawk" is a better improvement from your other quote,"WOO! GENETELIA!"

Really it's just a short reprieve while I come up with something even more offensive.

[Adghar]

I think you passed a toe or two across the line, but no worries. (http://spikedhumor.com/articles/147/Oriental_Bounciness_probably_NSFW.html?autoplay=tr ue)

Speaking of funny NSFW (this one's a bit iffy) content, Yakubyougami, for some reason your SN reminds me of this (http://www.livejournal.com/userpic/23371898/1264749).

[The Wizard Who Did It]

Really it's just a short reprieve while I come up with something even more offensive.
So, is this law of you getting increasingly offensive titles now coined by me?

On another note, I liked your 'woo titties' line. BRING IT BACK.

[POS Industries]

So, is this law of you getting increasingly offensive titles now coined by me?

On another note, I liked your 'woo titties' line. BRING IT BACK.

I did too.... maybe I'll steal it for a bit, since it always made me giggle.

[MrJoykill]

So, is this law of you getting increasingly offensive titles now coined by me?

On another note, I liked your 'woo titties' line. BRING IT BACK.

Wait, are you a dude or dudette?
cause I need to see a clear view of what I'm imagining from someone that whants some 'titties'