Awkward Phonecalls

[Funka Genocide]

Today I received an rather strange message from a friend on my cell phone. She's a college graduate witha bachelors of science, in medical school currently.

So yeah, she's all smart and such.

The message however, was unintelligible garbage. Now I assumed that she was being facetious at first, and citing comically her experimental drug usage years I said "I blame the drugs."

To which she replied, in still garbled text, "su d ii."

So long story short, she had been prescribed sedatives to help her sleep and they somehow affected her sensory system, emulating a hallucinogen and causing her to see phantom facial hair sprout out of Whoopie Goldbergs mug on an episode of Star Trek. After I was almost certain there was no immediate medical danger (she knew better than I did anyways...) we had a very strange, drug induced conversation for a few hours. I initially thought she might have accidentally OD'ed on something, when it turned out that she was just acclimating to a new prescription. I was very relieved to say the least.

So has anyone else had a strange telephone experience like that? Just, surreal and somewhat frightening but ultimately comical?

[Fifthfiend]

I think I've been in that conversation from the opposite end, to be honest.

[Funka Genocide]

She ended up telling me about a conversation she had when she was fourteen with some guy she met over the internet who claimed to have had sex with a crazy woman wearing only a cardboard box.

You can't make this stuff up!

[BlackMageGirl!]

Actually, you can make that up. But it'd take some serious storytelling. =D

For me, one time I had a wrong number and called a guy in Canada. ._. Who wasn't angry or anything, but he kept on wanting to talk to me! Since I was usin' a phone card, I kept telling him that my minutes were being used. He'd go like "Gee, don't use them all up! Now what happened next..." So I just hung up on him.

[Lockeownzj00]

Strange girl that's floated in and out of my life calls me today and simply asks me if I want to go out on a mission tonight in Newark to break someone out of jail.

With her, I really can't tell if she's joking. Really.

[Flarecobra]

I've gotten a call from someone in Michagan....and this girl on the other line thought that her boyfriend was cheating on her with me.

[Lady Cygnet]

My ex-boyfriend and I have to stay in contact due to our roles in our church. Considering the reasons we broke up, every single conversation we have on the phone now is an exercise in awkwardness.

[Darth SS]

I once got this call, about two years ago. My dad picked up, raised an eyebrow. "Bradley, it's for you." Then, attempting humor, he added, "It's a girrrrl."

I pick up the receiver and say, "Hello?"

From the other side I hear "I'matStarWarsareyoujealous?" with a pitch normally associated with Chip and Dale.

I say, "No, not really, I'm going to see it tommorrow."

The reply is, "You'rejealousIcantell *click*"

I put the receiver down, and my sister asks, "So Bradley, who was thaaat?"

My only reply?

"I have no fucking clue."


Turns out it was my girlfriend who had just drank a concoction of 7up with dissolved skittles in it. About a litre of it. She was hyper beyond all rational belief.

[PyrosNine]

The most awkward phonecall I've ever experienced (Well, most phonecalls are awkward for me because I'm not used to using them, as no one ever calls me and I prefer it that way) was from this guy named Patrick who is this Psycho who sells Kirby Vaccuums for a living and wanted me to help him play the sort of games on my computer with his sucktarded computer.

So after i do what I could, the man calls me and whines about how it's now working, and by his tone of voice I know he expects me to have some super cure or wonderfix that will make it work. I tell him that I can't do anything, he just needs to buy some better stuff for his computer. And then he's begging to borrow my Windows XP disc so he can upgrade his, and also he'd like to HAVE my GC/PC controller adapter, and he won't take no for an answer.

Now at this time I've got some lameass thing to go to and my Parent's are calling for me and I'm telling them that I can't come up right now because I'm on the phone and I'm too polite to just hang up on the guy. I tell him i can't help him, and that I need to hang up but he just keeps talking and whining and bitching. If I could, I'd reach through the phone and arson his ass just to make him shut up. But then again, he's also PSYCHO. Not my Few-Cards-Short-of-Full-Deck crazy, but I"M GOING TO KIDNAP YOU, DRESS UP AS SASUKE, STRIP YOU NAKED AND DEGENDER YOU WITH A RUSTY KITCHEN KNIFE I CALL A KUNAI.

So I'm trying to do this delicately, and nicely, but he don't get the hint. Or he don't want to. And my Parents are getting antsy now and calling for me more. I tell them "I'm coming, one moment" but obviously they don't hear me or something because my room is the bermuda triangle of the house (Trust me. Radios don't work in it, cellphones lose signal, things dissappear and never show up again). So then they start yelling at me to come as if I'm so rude not to answer them then they're going to yell angrily at me.

And of course, Patrick doesn't hear it, and he's actually asking me if I"d be interested in a $150 dollar vacuum cleaner that can pick up bowling ball, mop, and make julien fries. So naturally, I sarcastically remark "Why yes, If you can sell me something that will suck the fleas out of my carpet, I'd sell you my soul" and he doesn't get it's a joke and takes me seriously, and asks when I can I be expecting it and that they don't take Visa's.

Now Mom and Dad (who has come to take me to this important thing that I can't remember....Was it Senior Night at church....???) are YELLING AT THE TOP OF THEIR FRIGGIN LUNGS at me, and It's more than I can take. I explode. I'm sick and tired of them yelling at me and not hearing me calling back, I'm sick and tired of this damn Phonecall, and I"m sick and tired of Patrick!

So naturally, my cool quiet mousy Jeremy the Mr. Nice guy politeness goes out the door and is replaced with PyrosNine the Asshole and I hold the phone up to my mouth and at the same time open my door, and yell

"SHUT THE F__K UP YOU B-------DS I"M TRYING TO FINISH A F-----G PHONECALL AND I SAID I WAS COMING SOME 13 F-----G TIMES SO STOP YOUR YELLING I"M NOT THAT MOTHERF-----G DEAF SO JUST GIVE ME ONE F-----G MINUTE!"

Naturallly, my dad's a bit spooked (he is never home when I'm really really angry, lucky son of a gun) My mom's taken aback, and suddenly Patrick has realized maybe he should stop opening his piehole. He finally is moved enough to end the conversation, and I'm singing Hallelujah as I shut the phone off and when I come upstairs mothers already going through that "Oh my son's going through that rebellious phase in life, and that I was only calling because you didn't answer"

Fortunately, I managed to calm down and explain my outburst, but since then Patrick has learned to call and ask for my Brother for help and to borrow stuff because they're both boring nuisances.

Please excuse my crudeness and poor typing on this post, it's just that when I think about times that have truly made me angry, it all just flys out there. But in closing, what had to be the worst part of this call is it took 30 minutes and I missed Bobobo.

[Death by Stabbing]

On an unrelated note: Pyros I like your new avatar

Anyways my most awkward phone call was the day I got my wisdom teeth out...I has unable to keep anything down that day...seriously everthing I ate I would puke up almost instantly...

So I called the doctor's office and left a message...they called back later and well ask you can imagine talking to a nurse about what I had eaten and subsequentally up chucked was...not the greatest converation I've ever had...

Anyways they said get some benodryl (if you've seen the movie Hitch you'll know why that's mildly amusing) and well that actually worked...Hooray!
DBS

[mammothtank]

The most awkward phone call I can remember was quite a while ago. It might have been my freshman year of high school...

Randomly one afternoon, I got a call from someone I failed to recognize. When I answered, I heard a female voice say, "Hi, this is (indistinct mumble) from English class... will you go out with me?"
"Uh... no?" I blurted out before I'd had the chance to think of a more intelligent response.
There was some sobbing from the other end and she hung up.

A few minutes later, I received yet another call. At first it was a gruff male voice, then an *ahem* and it became the same voice as before: "Are you sure you don't want to go out with me?"

I hung up without responding.

[mauve]

This happened to me just the other day, actually.

I'm in a Barnes and Noble, and suddenly my cell phone goes off.

"Hey Mauve, this is Joe." I hear, and I'm thinking, Who the hell is Joe? What is he trying to sell?

I'm silent, and he clears his throat and says, "Joe? From college?" I start apologising, because I suddenly remembered that I went to a class last year with a guy named Joe. I hadn't heard from him since.

"So Mauve, I heard you got a summer job with the Advertising Associates! How's that going?" Joe says happily, and once more I fall into a silent stupor.

"Um... I think you're mistaken," I finally say. "I don't work for any advertising company."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure, Joe."

"Oh." He sounds confused and disappointed. "Because I'm working on this ad logo for Ad Associate's sister company, you know, and I've been callign folks to see if they know where I saved it on the computer system."

"Ah," I say, not knowing a better response at the moment.

"You... You haven't seen it, have you? I was kind of hoping you knew where we saved stuff on the computers."

I'm really confused now.

"Sorry Joe, I don't know anything about the computer systems at Advertising Associates. I don't work there."

"Are you sure? Because we're trying to design a new logo. I was also kinda wondering if you had come up with a better design."

I'm starting to wonder if Joe is on drugs at this point.

"Yes Joe, I'm very sure that I don't work there, and that I have not designed a logo or saved a logo to their computers."

"Oh." he sounds disappointed. "Sorry to bother you, then."

"Sorry I couldn't be any help," I say. Sure, the guy's acting weird, but I try to be polite. He's still my friend, and I haven't seen him in months. "So--"

CLICK! Joe hangs up.


I was left with three little words floating around my mind. One starts with W, one starts with T, and one starts with F.

[Selfish]

The worst: laryngitis (which fate gives me at least five or six times a year).

I had to call home. Dad picks up the phone. He doesn`t know who it is. He tells me in no uncertain terms that I cannot POSSIBLY be his daughter, and hangs up the phone.
I call back, `cause I really need to have a ride home. Again the diatribe. This time he slams the phone down on me.
It`s really dark out, and the drunks are roaming the street. The restaurant that I worked at is now closed, there are no busses this time of night, and I have to stand outside. Motivation enough to call back.
I call him by his whole, unusual Irish name. He stops a moment. Asks me again what I called him. Tell him again. This time he asks what his wife`s full name is. I give him my Mom`s whole and very unusual French name.

He laughs, ya, he`ll be there to pick me up in half an hour.

Very awkward. The worst part; EVERYTIME I lose even a little bit of my voice, he has NO FUGGING IDEA who it is. I have to use the full name trick each and every time.

What a guy.

edit - http://gamerival.grab.com/index.cfm?play=E908B3F7&fromint=1&randint=8

Just wanted to keep record of my game, ladies and gents. thank you.

[Long-Haired Narcissist]

For the past 3 weeks, I've been receiving calls from a dude that keeps getting the wrong number. Its starting to get so fucking annoying that I want to reach through the phone and snap his neck.

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

A few months ago, my boss and Team Leader went to Game three of Oilers vs Sharks. They were quite drunk and so the next morning I get this message on the phone. It was my boss giving me rather obscure duties. I'll try and upload it for those who want to hear.

[Funka Genocide]

For the past 3 weeks, I've been receiving calls from a dude that keeps getting the wrong number. Its starting to get so fucking annoying that I want to reach through the phone and snap his neck.

I had this guy call me a few times, it was hilarious.

Man with wrong number: Yo, is Shanequa there?

me: who?

Man: Shanequa.

me: no, you have the wrong number.

Man: ah, word dog, I'll hit you back. *click*

He said he'd "hit me back" even though he didn't know who I was. I thought it was so funny I fell down laughing.

[Kerensky287]

One time, I got a phone call from some girl (I could hear some of her friends in the background, too) asking for someone... I think named Dan or Dave or David or some other D-name. I said, "Sorry, but this isn't his number." They apologized, and said goodbye. Seconds later, the phone rang again. It was the same person, asking for the same name. I said that it was still the wrong number, and hung up. The phone rang AGAIN, and this time I picked up, and without waiting for an answer, I said "Listen, this isn't Dave or Dan or whoever's house! You have the wrong number! He probably just gave you the wrong number because you're so annoying, and he probably hates you and your little friends!"

It was my parents calling to check on me.

[Demonlink2]

I didn't get the call myself, but the story's just too crazy to let go without telling.

My grandparents live in St. Petersburg Florida. Go Florida!! Anyways, they live sorta close to a doctor's office. They like the place.

Now, about the doctor's office: The office once printed out some flyers and business cards with my grandparents phone number on it. Time passes, and my grandparents get calls here and there. hey finally get fed up and ask the office to reprint their papers with the right number. They won't.

So this pissed them off. They got so mad that for the next month, anyone who called their house got a reservation at the doctor's office. But the office doesn't know it.

They're out of business within a month.

So, a week or so goes by and they get a call. From another doctor's office.

"Hey, we'd like to buy you guys out. When do we give you the money?"

So there's one less doctor's office in St. Pete.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

wow Demon, thats pretty evil! i mean putting a doctors office out of business. funny though, and kind of their own fault

[Loneyes]

I've had a few of those.

First, it seems that someone has been using our house and phone number under the name "Fernando Santos" so we sometimes get calls from random people wanting to speak with him. Some of them won't accept that Fernando Santos does not live here, and I spend ten minutes trying to convince them before I hang up.

Also, the county I live in put out a card or flyer or something with a number on it to call (I think it was for a physical to become a citizen or something) but they screwed it up and put our number. So, for months, we would get calls from people, many of which didn't speak much english wanting to make appointments.

[Muffin Mage]

One time I got a call from the local jail, saying this was someone's only phone call. The person who gave the message sounded exactly like my dad. I hung up the phone (this was like 9:30, 10 at night, and my mom and sister are usually in bed by then for some reason), and then I realized what I heard.

It wasn't until the next morning when I saw my dad at breakfast that I didn't feel like an idiot.

Now, think about it, which would be worse: dialing the wrong number on your only phone call, or dialing the right one and having someone hang up on you?

[Long-Haired Narcissist]

I said "Listen, this isn't Dave or Dan or whoever's house! You have the wrong number! He probably just gave you the wrong number because you're so annoying, and he probably hates you and your little friends!" I was reading this and thought that their has to be a way to get the dude calling my cell getting the wrong number to stop calling by using that line or saying fucked up stuff.

[Fifthfiend]

When I used to work my college radio station's shit-hour Saturday morning shift, I used to get calls from one fellow urging me to "put on some Anthrax dude! You know, the hard shit!" Not altogether out of the ordinary, except for one thing - this fellow happened to be calling from the nearby prison.

I put on some Anthrax, dude. You know, the hard shit.

[Solid Snake]

My favorite awkward phone call ever (or maybe I should say my least favorite, albiet most humorous) was back a few years ago, when I was a more vocal presence on several online message boards, primarily message boards related to my favorite hobby, freelance writing. For a while I was involved in some videogame fanfiction projects that required me to work in small groups, and I corresponded with a number of other fanfiction authors, and generally speaking I had a reasonably good time. (Though I don't regret having since gotten a social life in the world of the living flesh.)

Now one relatively cool feature of the fanfiction and roleplaying subcommunity of dorks online is that there actually are a few women among the crowd; I mean, it's a slightly less male-dominated field than the usual. Of my six closest writing friends, three were "women." (One of the three I haven't confirmed the gender; I've had phone conversations with the second and met the third in person, though, and I can say with some level of confidence that the latter two were, indeed, genuine females.) This story concerns the second, the one I only had the phone conversations with.

So I've known this girl for about eight months online, seen photos of her, she's about average looking, but at the time I had a huge crush on a girl I knew IRL (who I ended up dating for about...two months.) She also lives in Seattle, Washington, and I'm attending college in the other Washington, so the potentiality of a relationship is all but impossible, and I was never interested in pursuing that avenue. We had a few nice phone conversations before this phone call, nothing too special, I probably wouldn't have considered a relationship with her even if she were in town.

(I'm very glad I gave up the fanfiction angle of storywriting, by the way. It's much more exciting to create your own characters in novels of your own imagination.)

Anyway one day I'm throwing out new ideas for my latest fanfic story (this one involving a satire of Final Fantasy IX) via Instant Messaging and along the way I make a few quips about how I want to write the character Zidane jokingly seducing Beatrix as a result of a bet made with Garnet (how this came about in the context of the story is, in and of itself, a long story.) Anywhoo, my first indication that this was going to take a turn in the direction of the very strange was when she expressed sincerely that she was turned on by my storytelling ideas. She then explained herself by confessing to having a major crush on Zidane.

Mind you, a few notes before I get into the meat of this phone-call; I knew this girl for months upon months, talked stories with her, talked videogaming with her, talked about life with her, and never before had she acted this way. Ever. She was always the dead-serious type. Never flirtatious to this extent. And I preferred it that way. I mean, I trusted her enough that we had conversations on the phone that were generally philosophical in nature (this was back when I was an athiest, so we both actually debated often on how much we hated organized religions.)

This conversation was very weird.

The phone conversation was even weirder, because to make a really long story slightly shorter, she tried to convince me to have phone sex with her. I was supposed to pretend I was Zidane, apparently. I guess she really wanted a good time.

This had to be the most awkward phone conversation you could ever have, because it's one thing when a complete and total stranger asks for something like this, but when someone you know well sounds mildly tipsy on the other end of the phone and starts asking you for this kind of crap it just makes you wonder what planet you've just landed on. I had never exactly engaged in any "phone sex" before and I wasn't exactly interested in getting started, but knowing that a good friend was asking for the favor was ugh.

Coincidentally, I made the critical mistake of believing she had to have been joking when she first suggested the idea, so I played along, waiting for her and I to burst into laughter, but the minute she actually started moaning, I quickly and quietly told her she must have been drunk off her ass. Then I hung up.

I expected her to call me back and tell me I had been punked or something, but that never happened.

We've IMed each other a few times since (though it's been at least four months since I last even saw her online), but when we do talk online she refuses to respond to my inquiries as to what the hell she was thinking that night, or whether she was actually drunk. We've never talked on the phone since.

...I really need to shorten the length of my stories.

By the way:

Mammothtank: So the "girl" who was calling you was actually a guy who could feign his voice? Crazy. Did you ever figure out who it actually was?

Mauve Mage: If you're female, your entire phone conversation can be accurately summed up as "Joe had a crush on you and was looking for a random excuse to call you." If you're male, well...maybe he was gay.

[mammothtank]

By the way:

Mammothtank: So the "girl" who was calling you was actually a guy who could feign his voice? Crazy. Did you ever figure out who it actually was?

Mauve Mage: If you're female, your entire phone conversation can be accurately summed up as "Joe had a crush on you and was looking for a random excuse to call you." If you're male, well...maybe he was gay.1) To this day, I have no clue who that was. I have had no similar calls since then. By this point, I don't really want to know anymore; I'm just glad I was too sheepish to say "yes."

2) Yes, Mauve is a girl, and come to think of it, that's not a bad guess.