Mad Plans: "So Insane it HAS to work!"

[Khael!]

:rmage: "...See, Green Dragons shoot acid as opposed to fire. So, neutralizing that acid should theoretically guarantee us a victory! Give me a bag of holding, 250 cubic feet of baking soda and a potato gun. I'll have you our anti-dragon weapon in under an hour..." - Me at D&D, prior to getting beaten sensless by the party's cleric

Ever had one of those Red Mage moments where you came up with something absofreakinglutely genius? And everybody else just stared at you like your brain had suddenly fallen out? D&D, school, doesn't matter where, let's hear some of your misunderstood mad master plans! As long as there's a vague reference to logic in there somewhere, it'll work.

[Flarecobra]

Me and my roommate while trying to figure out some privicy:

Roomie: We'll need a bunch of cord, and some hangers so that we can set up a curtian...
Me: Or I can duct-tape a sheet to the ceiling.
Roomie: But that defeats the purpice of the pull-string!
Me: Getting the duct tape.
Roomie: Ok fine.....

[Selfish]

Khael Almighty, that is absofucking brilliant. You have now become my new favourite Red Mage Supporter. :D (or just plain favourite Red Mage!)

I once thought of capturing a pigeon, and tying a string on its leg, then releasing said bird into a wavering portal. My DM was SUCH the prick, though. Bird lived. We, not so much.

Which province are you from? Me, Ontario. And ya. I like the vermillion covered mage, too. :P

[Meister]

D&D just gives you a ton of those stories. I've previously told you of the bronze statue we found in a dungeon and which we stole, which involved much labour, much running between dungeon and nearest town and much haggling about the price for a cart and mule because absolutely everyone involved failed their CON checks.

Lately, we've been in the icy wilderness of the north (there's always one of those, isn't there), where we encountered a barbarian tribe (again, logically) who was willing to accept us as members if we passed their test of surviving three days in said icy wilderness. Now, I could just about resist the obvious "cold fusion reactor" jokes, but when it came to getting food, the weirdness was unleashed. You haven't played D&D until you've seen a Druid fishing using a line (no hook) and Charm Animal.

[Khael!]

AnotherOne:
Khael Almighty, that is absofucking brilliant.

Whootastic! As an added bonus, +10 I think, we all get to feel accepted here. At last! I'm either in Quebec or Ontario, though lately (currently) the latter.

Flarecobra - hehe, good one! Out-of-game too. Why didn't you guys compromise and use the ductape and the pullstring plan? Two great things that taste great together!

Yeah, D&D will do that to ya. I seem to recall the earlier mentioned cleric buying 20 crates of apples (5000 fruits total). After they went rotten, she had this crazy idea to extract the seeds and make cyanide from them. Then arrange the cyanide-filled crates around the mule in some sort of armour-like manner, rig it with an explosive, and send it through the gates of whoever pisses us off next. Though this was the good campaign, I'm not sure as to why she never executed this plan.

Keep 'em coming!

[Flarecobra]

Because the sheet won't move, and all it was there for was so that I don't have to watch her perform on webcam.

Don't ask.

Now this is just me and my insanity while playing Neverwinter Nights: hordes of the Underdark.

Surroundings: Temple, river of lava in front of me, magical pillers covering a bridge in front of me with breaks in the bridge. And me having a fire spear and a whip in my inventory.

"Ok, I can climb on these glowing semitransparent pillars, then tie one end of the whip to the spear, then throw it so that it catches on the far arch, then just swing across the lava, then climb up the spear and then cross the next set of pillars....."

Then I relized that I couldn't do that, and just went ahead and blew open a hidden door, then moved on.

[shiney]

The infamous sheep tactic.

Buy a herd of sheep. They aren't that expensive, to be honest. Send them all into the dungeon before you. Wait 12 hours.

They will trigger all the traps.

If you come across a dead sheep, it's safe to say you either shouldn't go that way, or the trap is already sprung. A cursory examination of the corpse should be enough to clue one in. If you come across no dead sheep, in fact no sheep at all, find a different dungeon. This one has no love for you.

[Khael!]

MY LOVING GHOD! Sheep! Of course! *head-to-desk* :O_o: We just substituted the halfling rogue, who had no skill at all in disabling traps. I'd set up a message spell (think magic walkie talkie for the non D&D person) so she could silently give us the all clear or request that we unbury her or whatever. The upside was that she usually survived, and was therefor reuseable. At least until the ghoul ate her.

[Fifthfiend]

This thread reminds me that I haven't read Goblins (http://goblinscomic.com/) in like a week.

This thread also reminds me that you're a bunch of nerdy nerd-faces, who nerd it all up, with your nerdiness.

Nerds.

Now if you'll excuse me, I gots to go play some more Super Princess Peach.

[Muffin Mage]

Well, in my first edition group, I stole a bookshelf full of fire trapped spell books out of a long-dead illusionist's tower by stuffing the excess space with wadded up paper and hammering a board over the open shelves. I put legs on the bottom and told my party members that I'd found a lovely end table and I absolutely had to keep it (as a demented female thief, this ploy worked perfectly.) I then rented out the spellbooks to the casters who stayed at the inn we'd stolen. I amassed quite a sum of money, as I recall.

[Mondt]

I'm not sure if this counts, but:

I once tried to convince my friend that I had all of Superman's powers. We both knew it was for fun, so you guys know he's not some retard. So, it started out with me eating the Man of Steel. I had to explain how that happened. I kidnapped Superman's love interest, Lois Lane in this case, and killed her. Superman was so stricken, that he ate large amounts of Kryptonite.

With Superman dead, he becomes edible, or eatable in this case.

So I eat him, and gain all of his powers. How, I'm not sure. That's just how it's always been. But that brings up the question: What are we to do without a Superman? Superman has always been there. Well, actually, he hasn't. You see, my family, all the way back to prehistory, has been a mortal enemy to the Williams' family. That's the actual Superman family name. They leave that out of the stories to make sure that he isn't found. So we've been taking the powers' of the William's for thousands of years. Now, I'm not one to break a cycle, so I had to go kill Clark "Kent" Williams. Just like my father and his father killed Andy Williams and Ol' Joey Williams.

Most of the time it's done by the love interest plan, but sometimes something gets complicated. Like back in 1847, Sam Williams didn't have a love interest. To make it short, it involved a 2 mile long fishing line, beads of Kryptonite, and a cow. Poor Sam, never knew what hit him.

Anyway, there is always a Superman. When a Williams of this family dies, another is instantly born. Shortly after birth, his or her (yeah, girls are rare, but sometimes there just isn't a guy being born at the exact same time as he dies) parents have an obsessive compulsion to change their child's name. Sometimes they think it's a good idea to change there own, but that doesn't matter. So there's some baby Superman somewhere, chewing on diamond to let those little teeth get strong.

Anyway, that's how it went. I think that counts as a ridiculous idea. Made it up on the spot too. Like that's not obvious.

[Demetrius]

Anyone remember the Challenge of Champions? Yeah we converted one into 3.5ed the problems we ran into were the fact that while they may take all of our weapons and put us in stupid situations our skills and feats would allow us to surpass everything (almost) in the most completely wrong ways. Most of the monsters in this set are guild mages who have polymorphed and KO you if you screw up... this all falls apart when a rogue has improvised weapon and a stick and there are a couple monks in your group that hit at magic...hehe!
Here's me, "Sneak around the giant spider? Why would we do that, here fighter hit it with this ladder we are supposed to use with this rope and stake to create a cantalever to sneak over and around it and I'll back stab the hell out of it with this stake. You monks, Flurry his ass and oh yeah Mr. sorcerer who has askew materials smoke his ass! Ok everyone got it? GO!!"
This was quickly followed by me 'dying' cause the other guys didn't want to ruin the spirit of the challenge.

Another example is an item called "The Way" its this cool broken staff either in the DMG or Epic book that lets you create ring gates between places you have been or can see, it also has a function that allows you to create a detailed map of an area. So what do I do when I find an elder demon chained in a pool of demon disolving acid by the gods when they made this plane? Well I create a gate between a link in his chain and the openning of a mountain fortress I had noticed in passing. This was great it allowed us a chance to take on an uber-demon and take out whatever might be hiding in those caves... then I saw the DM start crying and he started throwing away pages out of his campaign setting. Apparently we unleashed the doomsday demon and at the same time flooded the last hold of the only people who know how to restrain him all in one swoop...man that was great. Since then no one listens to my plans that may result in massive insanity, or let me play chaotic evil PC's.

[TheSpacePope]

Because the sheet won't move, and all it was there for was so that I don't have to watch her perform on webcam.

Don't ask.

Not only do I have to ask...
I want evidence.
Or maybe not...

The only stories I have that involve master plans, I cannot tell until the statue of liabilities runs out on them..
4 more years or something like that.

[Long-Haired Narcissist]

If you come across no dead sheep, in fact no sheep at all, find a different dungeon. This one has no love for you.
I'm no D&D player but to keep from finding no sheep, you could buy something to put on the sheep so that you know the path they took (similar to the story of Hansel and Gretel and how they used breadcrumbs to find their way home).

[Flarecobra]

Like a laxitive of some sort?

[Skyshot]

That'd only work if you loaded them up with different varieties of food coloring first.

I once knew a guy who claimed he could take over the world with nothing but a shovel. I never heard it from him himself, so I couldn't challenge his claims, but it was a fondly related story at our parting.

"I'll shoot you!"
"Block it with the shovel."
"I'll come at you a tank!"
"Dig a hole under it."

I can't help but wonder if his response to a nuclear strike was "The shovel's made of lead."

[Khael!]

Skeleton!! How could that NOT count!? You singlehandedly defeated superman dude!

Demetrius, you have won my respect for your amazing 3.5 only feat of 'make the DM cry'. Godly.

Shovel man must dig pretty damn quickly. I want footage.

Hmm, why not just dye the sheep themselves? Adventurer I may be, but sheep manure still sucks. They'd be like giant coloured pom-pom stamps my way... :D

[ChaosMage]

I actually can't take credit for this idea, it was proposed by my roommate.

So, in American football you just have two lines of people running into eachother. All this nonsense about passing the ball. Why not use your assets?

You have a team of really really big guys. Make a midget the quarterback and for every play, just have two players hoist him over the line of scrimmage. I'm sure they could throw him at least 10 yards. If you break your midget, get a new one. They're disposable.

[Selfish]

Ladies and Lords, IF I ever, Ever, EVAR get to another tabletop game, I will be using some of these stellar ideas.

Meister: empty line and charm animal. That, my friend, is BRAINS + INVENTIVENESS = Awesomeness.

Shiney: My love for the sheep idea is such that I`m now knitting a pair of socks.

Flamecobra: It`s a pity you couldn`t action the Plan A, but plan B worked! Talented lady, you.

MuffinMage: bwahahahahaha. Gold enough to change to gems. You Rock!

Fifthfiend: I fear and respect you. You also sound like Thief when you write that way. :D

Khael Almighty: Cherries have cyanide. Think of that for next time, m`dear.

Man, I wish that I could roll the rôle now. -bah. I wish I had a group.

[Flarecobra]

Who is this Flamecobra?

And I had one that could fit in here today. We had to cart a ton of cut-down tree branches for disposal, when I hit on the briallant idea that we take one of the wider branches, and set all of them on that, and I'l drag them to the spot. Sadly, I forgot to remember that stuff usually falls off of piles....

[Khael!]

I turned on my PSP just now hoping to read the next installment of 8-bit theatre, only to see 11:00pm displayed on screen. I instinctively thought, "No problem, I'll simply set the game ahead an hour." It took me halfway through the options menu to realize I was not only referring to reality as a game, but was more than halfway done attempting to manipulate the fabric of time.

At least for once my DM isn't here to hit me.

Edit: That same night, elsewhere, Brian had the computer problems that resulted in the comic updating funny that day. Interesting how these coincidences always occur when I've been unintentionally messing with causality. It's almost as though my momentary belief caused some kind of computer-crashing ripple in logic.

[Selfish]

I woke up this afternoon (long story) to see that for no fault of our own, the water had been turned off. It would be off for another four to six hours, too.

So. Very. Thirsty.

No cash for the store. No cans of pop, juice, or other wetness in stasis for consumption. (No, this is not drink your own urine day, either. :P )
Attempted to get water through the tap, `cause, you know, there could be some still there. And there was. Brown, and lumpy. Just like we all like it to be. (stifles shudder) The pipes began to shriek and shake, too.

So, okay. I can just wait it out.

So. Very. Thirsty.

Now I`m scrambling through the cupboard... NOTHING...quite...

except a can of green beans. No, make that TWO...Two cans of green beans. Fair enough. Poked around in the freezer and fridge. Nothing there but fright and emptiness.
Picked up a pot, `cause I don`t wanna drink the juice cold. That, my friends, would be just TOO gross. Popped in a little oregano, pepper, and about 1T of lemon juice.

It actually made a not bad snack/drink replacement.

The next time I go grocery shopping, will be getting some packaged water, though. They`re threatening to cut off the water AND the power in the next few days. Darn water main break!

[Khael!]

Wait, you drank fancy spiced canned-bean juice? Mmm... soupy. Never would've thought of that! I'd have been scraping ice from the freezer and hating every moment of it's stale flavour.
Improvised recipies are fun and enough like plans too! I still remember the time I had that metal dental device and I couldn't chew anything... I finally got my mom to make macaroni and then throw it in the blender for me. Good times!

[DarkBloodMagus]

Ok, so I'm up on a ladder with a claw hammer tearing aluminum siding off of a fairly small 2 story house. It'd take too long to explain why I'm up there, and why the siding must be destroyed, so just accept the beginning scenario and move on. Anyway, the siding tends to stick to the house, because it's nailed on. For each piece, I have to take out some nails, climb down, move the ladder, climb up, take out more nails, climb down, move the ladder again, climb up, and take out the last nails.
I just don't have the patience for that, because I was suckered into volunteering for this job. And as we all know, not getting paid = quick and shoddy work at best. Of course, it would be much faster to simply rip the siding off using force, since our job is to simply remove the siding. It was going well at ground level, but I'm on a ladder now, so I don't have any leverage, and my footing is none too stable.

"Now," I think to myself, "If I could just attach a large, heavy object to the siding, I could let gravity do the work for me! But where could I find such an object?"

At this point, I just start taking half the nails off of the siding, grabbing on to it really tight, and jumping off the ladder. It worked perfectly, and nobody got injured, much to the surprise of everyone there.

[Evil Ted]

See, one of my many theories is that Scince the beholders can neutralize magic with their eyes, then with minimal reserch and ignoring the ethics you could give your fighters surgery to make one, or both eyes into a duplicate of a beholder's eye. Then while your enemies will try to use the fighter's weakness vs. magic: Intelegence-casting aginst them this warior will rush them and massicer them. Take that you dam liches!!!

[Bells]

See, one of my many theories is that Scince the beholders can neutralize magic with their eyes, then with minimal reserch and ignoring the ethics you could give your fighters surgery to make one, or both eyes into a duplicate of a beholder's eye. Then while your enemies will try to use the fighter's weakness vs. magic: Int. casting aginst them this warior will rush them and massicer them. Take that you dam liches!!!

or you could just take the Beholders eye, and make it into a Hat... fueled by certain magic stones...

Could work! and its fashionable!

[Evil Ted]

I'm going to reach the moon with a cannon launching cannon ETC., so as to increase my reach to X^X

[Evil Ted]

Are there no more Insane Ideas!!! Check in tomorow to see the next instalment of Imsanity hourly...

[Sir Pinkleton]

No double-posting, and yes, there are no more mad plans, not everyone is a redmage.

[Furioku]

You guys make me want to learn how to play D&D and try to find a group to play with.

As for any mad plans...I havent really got any. :(

[Khael!]

Wow, it's sure been a while since I have taken a look here. That anti-magic warrior sounds like an Idea begging to be tried... hehe, good thing my party hired an npc warrior and not a player-controlled one!


Speaking of D&D, I have reached a dilemma. The story goes like this: we found a wizard's tower, and recovered a recordbook. Inside that book was listed all manor of living experiments the wizard produced. One of which escaped. He worked with weasels, applying all sorts of traits to them; fast healing, vampirism, dire traits, possibly demonic. (my bard wasn't actually there, [AGH! My exp's!] he hasn't read the book yet.) The other mutants are still caged up in a hidden portion of the tower.

One of them is said to have a weakness to acid. Now, using my thinky-power, I devised an easy in-game method to produce a strong alkali: use our druid's soap making skill, and stop at the stage where we have concentrated lye.

Request: What I need is a relatively easy way of producing a strong acid. In-game excuses for acess to this method might be needed as well. I turn to you guys in the hopes of utilizing your Knowledge: Chemistry skill.

[Evil Ted]

Well now you could always have your druid "fail" the step after the lye phase, asuming the DM will not let you stop. Failing that you could always take 3 points in Knowlege: electrolysis and 4 points in Knowlege: Chemical engeneering. Then mix table salt and water get the wizard to cast lightning bolt and then you should have hydrochloric acid and sodiumhydroxide. And an exploded container

[Nikose Tyris]

*Bad guy, standing on edge of cliff, near you, already having proven to be much better in combat/healing than the rest of you* Hahaha! You shall never defeat me!

*Half Orc Barbarian WAILS the Barbarian Halfling at him, knocking them both off the edge of the cliff*

*a sigh is heaved from the Wizard/Priest, and off he goes to gather up the peices of the halfling*


The other great on that worked that IS NOT MINE, is the Head of Vecna.

People shouldn't be that stupid.

[Khael!]

Hmm, electrolysis sounds pretty feasible. Bad news is, our sorcerer was kidnapped. My Bard is sad and lightning-less. Good news is that I might be able to use a Bardic knowledge check rather than bothering to allot skillpoints into anything new:

"Hey, DM? How much do I know about stuff?"

"Oy... roll D20... a ten... you know lots of stuff."

"And what about synthesizing hydrochloric acid?"

"what the hell!?" *puts my figurine in a box*

"What was that for? I just wanna make acid."

"You're a liability to the party. You now require containment. It's for your own safety."

"Okay... how much do I know about Houdini?"

[Evil Ted]

That could be bad, but luckily you could just ask for the soudum-hydroxide. Both of these deal acid damage.

[Khael!]

Oh fucking hellion on a pole. I put the subject in the title bar. On my PSP the above took forever to input - there's no way I'm gonna rember my question on a rewrite. And there is no cut & paste option on this Sony monstrosity! GLARBLAHGRBLPUZFLG!!! [cue insipid running in circles]
EDIT: and it just cut off my question anyway. My title will now be The Wizard Who Lost It.

[Evil Ted]

It is corrosive, in case you were wondering. It, however, causes your skin to peal off insted of reacting like it does with acid(causes the skin to burn). But, what will you use the broken container for. It is no longer useful to hold stuff in, as it is not water tight

[Sir Pinkleton]

It may not be brilliant, but at one of my brother's LAN parties, one of his friend's brought a game called "Savage", but noone else had the game. While 1 or 2 of the 8 were looking up CD keys on the intarwebs (so we could all play), one of my brother's other friend jokingly tried all 0's as a CD key. Surprisingly, it worked, and we were all able to play a fun game. Best hax i've ever seen.

[Khael!]

haha!! The head of Vecna. That whole thing reminds me that my party could be so much worse. Even if it is dysfunctional enough to qualify as good sitcom material.

Friendly Black Mage, that is genius. How the hell did that work!? The ultimate 0 key. Must remember that one...

Back to the acid problem. I was attempting to express something... then I got interrupted by Sony-based idiocy... Then there was the expletives - oh! I remember!

Does D&D treat alkaline chemicals in a completely identical manner as acids? Is there a rule somewhere I could reference, or is it more of a DM's discretion thing?

The issue here is that the dire weasel has fast healing, except from acid damage. I'm talking chop-it's-head-off-and-you've-got-two monsters healing. (we thought of producing and endless exp generator by doing this, but alas, it still counts as one encounter) The worst-case scenario I'm picturing is that we spray lye at it, the lye deals acid damage, but due to technicalities, doesn't stop the fast healing.

If it does however, I'll just use the lye plan. Thus saving myself from worrying about an exploded container -
!! ...Another idea! Mix the ingredients in the container, throw it at the target, and then lightning it! Zap! Boom! Smash! Splatter! Hiss! And we're 30 feet away!

[Sir Pinkleton]

Alkaline Chemicals: "They can cause serious damage in a very short time, depending on the type, strength, and the length of time the alkali is in contact with the body. Alkaline chemicals are able to penetrate and damage the deeper layers of tissue."

I don't see why it wouldn't be consider an acid, but then again I haven't had the opportunity to play D&D, so who knows. Good luck with the dire weasel though.

[Khael!]

Okay! I'll probably quote that to my DM sometime today or tomorrow before we start the game.

Further perfecting the Sheep Tactic: Find a way to enlarge snails (think size of Gary as compared to Spongebob). Then enchant them with bonuses to their movement speed. After the alloted waiting period, follow the trails they leave behind. The stuff still shows up even if it's dry.

[Furioku]

One night when my cousin was spending the night over here, we were trying to play a game on my ps2 but the TV was all scrambled, and we thought it might have been the short in my adapter chord messing up again so we fiddled wiht that for quite awhile before giving up, eventually i decided that it might have been the TV messed up and tried turning it off and back on and it worked. It's not exactly a mad plan, more of one that shows the lack of common sense me and my cousin have, but hey it worked, and almost none of my plans ever work, so I'm proud! :D

Also I notice that most of the "Mad plans" in here are D&D ones. o.O A very good portion anyway.

[Evil Ted]

Another way to deal acid damage is to force any chemical reaction between the target and an object. a great example would be to cast chain lightning with the effected things being infernium+ (A.K.A. Hellion) and the target. the Hellion will be lodged inside it's molecules causing 5-10 acid damage per turn. Not sugested with any energy eater.

[Sir Pinkleton]

A thought accured to me, could frebreeze help?

Maybe, If you let the water in the frebreeze evaporate fully, you'd have chalky concentrated frereeze in the bottle, right? Add a little water, and you have some highly concentrated frebreeze! And because you don't want to drink that stuff as it is, could this creation be considered acidic? or would it mearly be a powerful poisen?

...Nevermind, it's probably be easier to take it's head off.

[UltimaZERO]

My first (and only, due to said instance) dungeon was Second Edition. The DM said we could be whatever we wanted for the dungeon, provided we had a matching model. I rushed out of the room and came back carrying a small box for me and my compatriot. Him? He chose a space marine(40k, baby!) and me? I chose a model of Optimus Prime, booya!

...... The DM smote us both on the spot.

[Khael!]

I need to convince your DM to play again - I just found my old Godzilla toy.

My friend's grandma went on a cleaning rampage while I was over, and used this non-febreze air freshener like it was napalm in Resident Evil. Ten seconds of breathing later my nose got this stingy feeling and bled all over the place. Real Febreze would have killed thousands! (except for the red mages, who would only take subdual damage)

I wouldn't attempt concentrating it unless I intended to bore a hole into the Earth's core.

[Long-Haired Narcissist]

A thought accured to me, could frebreeze help?

Maybe, If you let the water in the frebreeze evaporate fully, you'd have chalky concentrated frereeze in the bottle, right? Add a little water, and you have some highly concentrated frebreeze! And because you don't want to drink that stuff as it is, could this creation be considered acidic? or would it mearly be a powerful poisen?

...Nevermind, it's probably be easier to take it's head off.
I got one just from hearing your idea. The makers of Fabreze could dry out fabreze to make the powder and sell the stuff so people could mix their own fabreze.

[UltimaZERO]

You mean so that others could snort the febreeze and burn a hole clean through thier brain....

[Khael!]

You just singlehandedly solved ridding humanity of drug abuse. Now I finally know how they did it in Star Trek!

Well, that, or you invented a beveridge worse than the electric parrot.

[UltimaZERO]

I vote for the latter.

[Evil Ted]

I plan to take over the world with novalty items and other cheep plastic stuff.

[Waylander]

How about you stick two component items into a bag of holding and then cast confusion on the bag. The bag then gets confused and combines the items together creating a new better item. For example placing a piece of weak armour in with a diamond makes diamond armour or sticking a dwarf and a piece of armour into the bag then confusing it makes armour that yells
RALLY-HO at the most innopportune times?

Hows about that?

[Snazzy Pants]

Hmmm... A weird plan?

Okay, then.

My friend runs a D&D game, which I am a part of. Anyways, we're currently in this rather large castle, and the walls themselves are alive and sentient. We were on the third floor, and the walls decided to start fucking with us directly. So, they start shifting around, making our life hard.

The other party members are panicking a bit, wondering how the hell we'll get through this.

At which point I suggest talking to the walls. I get the standard looks of "Are you mad?!"

I turn to my DM and ask if I can do that. He says yes, but doesn't believe I'll succeed.

So, I roll my diplomacy check. 19+CHA mod= 21.

"Umm... 21?" I say.

My DM has a look of utter shock on his face. It seems that I managed to succeed on the diplomacy check. So, the walls moved aside, and allowed us to bypass almost the entire floor.

Yep, talking to the walls helps.

Oh, and in another game I was in, I was playing a pyromaniac. We had just beaten up a vampire, but he'd gone mist-form, and hid in his coffin. The other two party members who'd made it to the vampire are wondering what we should do now, because we can't get the coffin open. My character looks at the torch, looks at the coffin, at his torch again, and then lights the coffin on fire.

And that's how you kill a vampire.

[Evil Ted]

There is something I have always wondered. Is vampire mist flamable? If not how can it move and maintain a form between liquid and gas?
But more importantly what can kill a Pultrygeist. Those damb things won't leave the slaughterhouse, or me, alone.

[Rhiya Ravenwing]

A bag of holding isn't sentient, so it doesn't have a mind, and therefore can't be confused, and henceforth can't do what you want it to do, waylander. Good idea though, for a possibly more free-form type of DnD :)

This was a while back, but we were a party of 3rd level characters going through an underground temple. Our dwarven fighter did the traditional 'kick-down-the-door' action and we had to make spot checks to see what was inside.

Turned out there were at least three rustmonsters lurking inside (the door actually didn't seem to have any hinges, but we didn't really suspect anything, because we were newbies at that time). None of our METAL items were enchanted, and our fighter in full-plate and a big sword was at the front. Hilarity ensued.

A few rounds into the battle, when the fighter had all his stuff dissolved, he stops announcing his next movement, ponders something, then turns to the DM.

Him: "We can't whack them properly with metal stuff right?"
DM: "Right."
Him: "Hang on a moment... didn't we kick down a door?"
DM (who is seeing where this is going and is cracking up, like the rest of us): "Yes. It's lying on the ground."
Him (declaring his next motive): "I PICK UP THE DOOR AND SMASHY!"

The rustmonsters were dead after a few rounds, the door was in splinters, and we got shiny magic weapons and armour in place of our lost rusted stuff.

~~

Another time, after a quest to regain the dwarf fighter's Clan's Keep from drows - and effectively gaining an awesome Ring of Telekinesis - we went to battle an evil red dragon (goddamn I shouldn't've given Draconomicon to him before the session).

This is basically part of our battle:
Fighter: "Are there any wagons around?"
DM: "Yes."
Fighter: "GOOD! I throw that at it. Range increment of 250ft right? Right!" *He misses, I blasty blast with more of my blastiness, because I was a warlock. The dragon flies away and angles back for another go at us. The dragon demolishes a building, barely misses me with its breath attack, and flies around again.*
Fighter: "I throw the building at it!" *he misses again. I blasty more. The dragon runs away. After about 2 hours, it comes back again.*
Fighter: "Are there any boulders around? Good! I throw one at it!" *miss. Me blasty, and critical hits with awesome damage*

And THEN I had the most brilliant plan!

Me: "Fling me at it, then if I miss, snipe him with the axe!" *Fighter agrees, but he misses. THEN he flings his axe and the dragon cops a critical and dies.*

Fighter: "Sniper axe FOR THE WIN!"

[Dragonsbane]

The infamous sheep tactic.

Buy a herd of sheep. They aren't that expensive, to be honest. Send them all into the dungeon before you. Wait 12 hours.

They will trigger all the traps.

If you come across a dead sheep, it's safe to say you either shouldn't go that way, or the trap is already sprung. A cursory examination of the corpse should be enough to clue one in. If you come across no dead sheep, in fact no sheep at all, find a different dungeon. This one has no love for you.

A noted and useful side-effect is that the dragon will be so stuffed from his meal that he will likely be napping and too bloated to move overmuch, giving a distinct advantage to the clever adventuring party.

Which leads directly into MY crazy plan. We were a mid-level party in a Forgotten Realms D&D game, who had just raided a small Thayan outpost and stolen most of the ammunition for their Thayan Bombard (magic cannon) and had discovered the long-lost entrance to an ancient and shockingly well-furnished tomb. After sending many, many animated pieces of furniture down corridors to set off traps, we took a break and bought a herd of sheep. Using a combination of magic, surgery, and on several occasions Necromancy we managed to surgically implant all of the explosive Thayan munitions inside the sheep, and herded them in the direction of the Ancient Black Dragon's lair. The rest, as they say, is history.

[Furioku]

Me: "Fling me at it, then if I miss, snipe him with the axe!" *Fighter agrees, but he misses. THEN he flings his axe and the dragon cops a critical and dies.*
YOUDOKEN!

Err, anyways nice idea there though.

[Mirai Gen]

Fastball special!

yes, I just quoted a terrible movie.

Anyway.

An entire town is being assaulted by orcs, Helm's Deep style. What do we do? We stay and try our best to help. Orc army raids, yadda yadda yadda. Orc captain at the front of the lines, galloping on a worg, swinging a magic axe around.

"How far away from me is he?"
"Uh, like, 200 feet and closing."
"And the entire orc army's behind him?"
"Right."
"...I'm going to cast Sound Burst on him."

He fails his check, is stunned, falls off his horse. He then is trampled by around 700+ orcs.

Same campaign: We're spelunking, and a trap we trigger spawns a massive beefed out ogre. The DM rolls some random numbers.
"He's got a giant club, and you can see a giant metal...*Dice* ...a metal shoulder plate, and a metal codpiece."
The warlock looks at the DM blankly.
"...Are you sure?"
"yeah."
Deep look.
"Are you sure."
"YES. What is it?"
"I'm going to cast Heat Metal."
"...You have that spell?"
"You gave it to me when I became infused with Fire elemental power."
Silence.
"...Okay."
The ogre took 3s and 4s for all of the D4 rolling. Absolute classic.

[Khael!]

Hmm, maybe we could all just become evil characters and ally ourselves with the dragon instead...
If the bag of holding does become confused, you now know it's one of those cursed ones that eventually eats everything put inside of it.

I remember this one time our (low-level) party got its ass handed to it by team of orcs and and an unexpected worg. Except for our cleric. She attempts to charge the thing when it swears at her in plain english. I naturally go think-ballistic:

"Wait, it talks?? What's my bard know about this?"

"Yeah, they can talk... a bit. Only really simple things."

"They'd understand us though, right?"

"...maybe."

"Aegwyn! Diplomacy the Worg!!"


- On another subject, I need a little help with something. Specifically, I need someone who is knowledgeable in physics. Anything can become a lethal projectile if fired with enough force, because as it travels faster, its equivalent mass increases... right? Einstein's powers elude me at this time.
I want to discern how fast an average pillow would need to travel in order to kill someone. I would assume no bricks in the pillow, no air resistance, the person is stationary, the point of contact will be the head, and no suffocating the individual instead.
Or, instead, what's the minimum acceleration needed to snap a neck?

[Rick Void]

The minimum needed is 36 pound of pressure in the right area.
No idead about acceleration though.

[Khael!]

Okay! That's a great start. Then I'll weigh a pillow... I'f I'm correct, I'll have the net force (the pressure) and the mass, and can find the acceleration from that. Awesome! Now my other scheme to get bonus marks in physics is complete!

[Rick Void]

The minimum needed is 36 pound of pressure in the right area.
No idead about acceleration though.

Oh god.

How on earth did I manage to type that god-awful?
Was I really that tired?
Jeez.

I phail at teh intarweb!

[Evil Ted]

England: 1 France: 0 Italy: 1 US: 0 Russa:6
*stares at Russian judge*

[UltimaZERO]

Lesee.... Momentum is just mass times velocity, right?
My pillow weighs about 1.125 lb.
We require 36lbf/in^2 to get someone dead. Let's get crackin!
for my pillow in^2 was 382.5.
so, our equation is: 36psi=1.125lb*a/382.5in^2
You'd need 13,867.2 lb of force.... which can be attained at acelleration rate of.... 12,326.4... cm/s^2 I believe. I can't remember much of physics but I think that's the right formulae and notation. either way, that thing needs to be truckin' pretty fast to do damage.

[42PETUNIAS]

wait, i dont know if this is still relevant, but for the dire weasel thats weak against acid, try using its stomach acid against it. Like, try to get it to eat tacks, or shoot it in the stomach with an arrow. I dont play dnd so i dont know if this helps...

[Khael!]

We managed to locate an alchemist and bought a few vials of acid from him, but I still want backup plans. I really like the simplicity of your idea. We could just stab it in the right place! I mean, it's not like our party doesn't know anything about anatomy. They all saw me when that owlbear natural 20'd my gut with its claws. :p Poor Roy's organs are probably still in the wrong order.


UltimaZero, I don't know enough yet to question that! :sweatdrop I do know the net force equals mass times the acceleration (Fnet=ma). Is it 36lbs per square inch? Waitaminute -

Aw, Nnnoooo! I'm Canadian! Lousy metric... imperial... Newtons! Dah.

Force to kill = 16.3 kg or 159.9 N
mass of pillow = 0.51 kg

Crap the school bell went. I will edit this sometime later when my brain starts functioning properly. :gonk:

[Rick Void]

I love this site.

I post that you need 36lbs of pressure to snap a persons neck, and no one thinks to question how in the hell I could know that off the top of my head, without being some kinda sicko mass murderer. Or ninja.

I am thoroughly amused. :D

[Khael!]

I almost did, and then I checked your user title. "Aha," I said, "that explains it."

What terrifies me is the fact that there are evil violent people out there who say nothing, and so are never suspected until it's too late.

At least on here most of the crazies are outspoken.

[42PETUNIAS]

or maybe theres just so many outspoken crazies that you assume that all the crazies here are outspoken

[Furioku]

I'm one of the crazies that isn't so outspoken!>_> I hardly ever post.

[Evil Ted]

Oh come on. the voices in my head just state the humans are inferior and need to be eradicated more quickly than they are doing themselves.

[Khael!]

Is there a way to harness all one's multiple personalities at once to acomplish more in a certain timeframe? To become the ultimate multitasker?

Whenever one of the personalities got stumped, he/she could just ask the other personalities for opinions! It would be really efficient and funny to watch.

[Sir Pinkleton]

Perhaps we should change the name of the thread to "Help Khael Almighty make master plans", no?

Anywho, unless you can put one of your personalities in someone/something else, I don't see them having conversations with one another. My friend has multiple personalities (of coarse I just call them "moods", but whatever), and he has not done such a feat.

I suppose you could bring all your personalities together in the back of your mind, where they can chatter, but noone would really notice, so it wouldn't be funny.

[SpoonyBard]

I'm not sure if it counts as a plan but anyway...

I was playing soccer the other day and I just got the ball. There're 4 guys in front of me, then my grandma calls. I didn't want to stop play so I just talked and played at the same time. It goes something like this:

"Hi." Dribble pass one guy.

"I'm playing soccer now." Dribble pass the next.

"Yes I'll be back at 6 and my cousin's fetching me." Dribble pass the last two, shoot, score.

"Ok, bye."

[Bisected8]

People mock me for my SAFPIE (Standard Argument For Proving It Exists). For example;


Me: Have you heard of an invisible chair?
My Friend: There is no such thing as an invisible chair
Me: Yes there is, there's one there right now *points to an apparently empty space*
Friend: I can't see anything
Me: That's because its invisible
Friend: *checking the space* Well I can't feel anything
Me: Because you are checking for the ridiculous concept of an invisible chair you are logically insane thus your experience isn't viable.
Friend: That guy *pointing to someone who walked through the space* just went through, lets ask him.
Me: Sorry but since you went through that space and were proven insane then logically he may be insane thus his claims aren't conclusive evidence.


It makes perfect sense in my opinion http://img416.imageshack.us/img416/9271/shiftyyx7.gif

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Is there a way to harness all one's multiple personalities at once to acomplish more in a certain timeframe? To become the ultimate multitasker?

Clones. Just simply make them drones and transfer your various conciousness' into them.

Of course they may turn evil and attempt to take over the world and/or impersonate you in order to acheive those goals. Swings and roundabouts really.

[Khael!]

What if I'm trying to take over the world anyway? :p If one of me's bound to survive, I'm happy.

Oh Bard of Spoons, it may not have been a plan, but it was a brilliant display of skillpoint allocation. Applause!

My favourite memory of soccer involved taking a full-speed penalty shot square in the face. My nose took the brunt of it. I burst out laughing when I discovered I wasn't bleeding or feeling any pain.

SAFPIE: Standard Argument For Proving It Exists It's my new best friend!

- Can I claim that your 'denying my claims as evidence' cannot be used, since you obviously stated your own belief in the ridiculous concept of an invisible chair? If there was a third part who had not walked throught the previous space, they would undoubtedly agree. Even if you cited that my words were void evidence, they wouldn't be able to accept yours either by the same logic.

Man, that made me feel like Thief.

[Bisected8]

SAFPIE: Standard Argument For Proving It Exists It's my new best friend!

- Can I claim that your 'denying my claims as evidence' cannot be used, since you obviously stated your own belief in the ridiculous concept of an invisible chair? If there was a third part who had not walked throught the previous space, they would undoubtedly agree. Even if you cited that my words were void evidence, they wouldn't be able to accept yours either by the same logic.

Man, that made me feel like Thief.

I only said it was ridiculous, not untrue. Just because it makes no sense doesn't make it impossible, after all it makes little sense that life exists, more so sapiant life.

[UltimaZERO]

I love this site.

I post that you need 36lbs of pressure to snap a persons neck, and no one thinks to question how in the hell I could know that off the top of my head, without being some kinda sicko mass murderer. Or ninja.

I am thoroughly amused. :D

I snap necks for fun.

EDIT: ...And that's the sort of thing you DON'T want to say out loud....

But to get your multiple personalities out is a bad idea..... I still remember the time I let "Jeff" out. He was SUPPOSED to be the good, sane one.... so much sausage and bologna.....

[Bisected8]

I snap necks for fun.

EDIT: ...And that's the sort of thing you DON'T want to say out loud....

But to get your multiple personalities out is a bad idea..... I still remember the time I let "Jeff" out. He was SUPPOSED to be the good, sane one.... so much sausage and bologna.....

Hang on, I happen to know it takes 7 kg of pressure to pull off someone's ear...:sweatdrop

[Evil Ted]

Well the cybermen are an exelent example of robots with minds, but they got killed by the doctor and the dalics

[Kei-Kun]

I recently got into MTG, and I seem to come up with many devious plans...

Such as one time my friend had this uber guy out, and my pathetic excuse fore creatures woulda been slaughtered. All I had to do was get them all through his defense, and I would win. Then I checked my cards, and found one that buffed a unit by +2/+2 but they could not block! Expectantly, he was like "why are you buffing me?" until I snickered and attacked, pointing out the fact he couldn't block when he tried to block. He got pretty pissed at that xP

[Bisected8]

I also have a plan for world domination;


Go to America
Make a bet with Bush: If I can convince him of my opinions he has to hand over the USA.
Explain SAFPIE to him.
When he disagrees, ask him if he believes in god (which I think he does).
As the reasoning to god's existence is similar to SAFPIE (no offense to anyone by the way) he has to accept that either SAFPIE or my own beliefs (which are atheistic) are correct.
Thus the United States are mine.
Its then a simple case of complex military strategy to take over the rest of the world.


:shifty:

[42PETUNIAS]

simple, but i dont think even bush would agree to hand it over if you convinced him without knowing what your opinion is... i mean, you could just have your opinion be "grass is green" and skip the complexities

[Bisected8]

I doubt someone who has such memorable quotes as "There ought to be limits to freedom." and "I know that the human being and the fish can coexist peacefully." will show any common sense.

Anyway, I could just swap steps 2/3 around.

[42PETUNIAS]

true, but itd still be funnier to gain the united states for convincing someone that grass is green. Plus, even if it made complete and perfect sense, i dont think bush would get it

[Khael!]

*jaw hanging open in an impressive amount of awe*

...you people are my new justice league.
We even have a token alien on our side!
We strike at dawn.

[42PETUNIAS]

who? the world? If so, how is it a justice league if we're attacking the world?

[Khael!]

We're ousting Bush from America. It's bloody justice I say!

Of course, we could find a way to produce a huge amount of the earth's energy supply (I dunno, billions of hamsters in giant generator hamster wheels maybe), buy out the other power industries, and then use our electric monopoly and taxing restrictions to financially own the world.

I swear McDonald's is trying to do this by making everyone too fat to resist takeover!

[Bisected8]

I'm pretty sure MacDonald's is in league with Satan to try and make sure our hearts have fat to fry them in included.

[Sir Pinkleton]

And then we can drill into Antarctica! Well, maybe not 'drill' (perhaps we could melt a hole though the ground?), but get the resources in Antarctica, I hear it's chalked full of them!

[Bisected8]

Don't you mean "chock-full of them!"?

[42PETUNIAS]

I got a plan, we offer to take nuclear waste from all the countries in the world, (my guess is they'll pay a lot to not have to deal with it) then use the money and radioactive stuff to contaminate the water supply of Washington and military bases around the country, then we strike, and claim were there to defend jesus and that capitalism is stealing him away or some crap like that, then we make the U.S. all pissed off like militant islam, create a christianity v.s. Islamic war, and after the war, when both places are burnt out, we strike.

[Sir Pinkleton]

Don't you mean "chock-full of them!"?

Eh.

Anyway, I agree with the war idea, but who will be in our army? Just us? Robots? Ninja's? Cyborg Ninja's? Freebreeze? Under-payed workers? Rent-a-Henchmen? Drunken hobo's? Bears?

[Long-Haired Narcissist]

Eh.

Anyway, I agree with the war idea, but who will be in our army? Just us? Robots? Ninja's? Cyborg Ninja's? Freebreeze? Under-payed workers? Rent-a-Henchmen? Drunken hobo's? Bears?You recruited me when you said drunken hobos. You can use me to distract the secret service. I say we make Brian the new dictator. Hold up...is a dictator like Brian better or worse than Bush?

[xravi]

If I was to kill everyone on the planet there would be no more deaths
also
If I would take of my pants I would become a god.

[Bisected8]

We will need an army. I say an army of robots for their loyalty. They should also be robotic monkey-ninjas for obvious reasons and they should recently have turned to piracy so they can fight at sea.

We will arm them with Febreeze and clone Abraham Lincoln to be our general.

[Khael!]

Shall we hire Red Mage Sosa to oversee these almighty plans for takeover? Maybe he knows a thing or two about cloning efficiently...

Loto, you're in charge of getting all the bums and drunks to join our cause. I am not making the mistake of overlooking their power in numbers.

Bisected8, 42Petunias, you two are my military units and tactics specialists.

Friendly Black Mage, we need you to manage resource allocation and acquiring. With our massive stock-chock-chalk pile of munitions (we'll also have acess to Canada's due to my nationality), it should be easy work buying out that monopoly rent-a-henchmen.

We can get the neutral power of Switzerland to help us build a high-precision robot army. It's not like they don't want to take over the world, they're just waiting for an opportune time.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Hey how dare you plot to take over the world without me!! I have many great plans for world domination, but I'm not going to post them here for fear of anyone ACTUALLY taking me serious!

>.>

<.<

>.>

Any-hoo, I also know the leader of the Cyborg/Ninja Monkey Society, so I can probable sway him to our cause also!

[Khael!]

The beauty of this thread is that it was created by a nutbar of a guy wearing a +3 plumed hat of magic. Nobody outside here is going to realize they should take your - or our - plans seriously. Just like the X-files is all truth. Told in the format of fiction, people think 'it can't be true, other wise they wouldn't tell us'. I love conspiracies!

By the way, you're hired.

[Bisected8]

Bisected8, 42Petunias, you two are my military units and tactics specialists.

Excellant, I'll have the ninjas begin to dig a large hole.

[42PETUNIAS]

Excellant, I'll have the ninjas begin to dig a large hole.

A large hole? Shall i have the mounties line it with bayonets? or what should we do with it?

[Schizowings]

Not sure about the hole yet, but we should get the beavers here to chew us some good simple spears to arm the hobo's with. Cheap weapons are always a bonus.

[42PETUNIAS]

i dont know if we need spears, i mean, no one wants to get close to a big bunch of hobos, i guess they could throw the spears tho, or just back the rest of the world into a corner.

[Sir Pinkleton]

I have another master plan, although it doesn't neccessarily involve taking over the world (neccessarily).

If you put coal under alot of pressure, it becomes a diamond, right? We're not really low on coal, are we? Why not get a long chunk of coal, put it in a large pressure chamber, and get a big glob of daimond in the end?

After that, you cut it (with lasers) in the shape of a sword? It'd never break! and look pretty awesome too.

Also, I believe that Russia also has alot of natural resources under Siberia, and since Siberia is not as cold as antarctica (and has actual soil underneath), we could mine there. My brother is a Soviet Union freak, I'm sure he knows a Russian, and I have a Ukranian friend.

Close enough!

[Long-Haired Narcissist]

I'll let the drunks, hobos, and druggies know their mission on Friday when I go to the bad part of town to buy my "medicine".

[Furioku]

You people are geniuses. O_o;

[Bisected8]

The hole is to store our super weapon until such a time it is needed.

What super weapon you ask? That invisible one right there. ^_^

[42PETUNIAS]

well, do they need mountie help? or should i set them off to recruit hobos?

[Schizowings]

Uhh, if we get all the hobos/hippies/druggies into one big group, that's a lot of drugs and stuff they have at their disposal. Or share. We might have an issue od keeping them on track if theyre all getting eachother stoned.

I like the sword plan too much, gimme gimme! It would take a while to make wouldnt it? Diamonds have to be cut a certain way, angles and such, or they are unstable and more brittle. we would need to let the uber daimond form in a natural shape for it to be the most solid, and then cut it down from there. Meaning it might be wider than we need. everybody get the charcoal adn coal from your fireplaces and add to the pile!!!

[Rick Void]

*Sigh*

I go away for three days and you bastards are trying to take over the world.

And nobody thought to ask if they needed an Evil Robot Ninja Pirate Zombie. Lame!

:p

[Stomphoof]

Well, I got a DnD Story.

Background - This was 3rd Edition, and we were a group of players who were around level 7. We had the Human Barbarian who was the smartest of us all (highest int), we had the Halfing Rogue who lopped her enemies heads off and chucked em over her shoulder, we had the Human Warrior who didnt talk much, a Elf Ranger who was prissy as all hell, the dead human cleric we hauled around on a cart (dont ask), and me, the Half Drow Sorcerer who was as Strong as the warrior and barbarian, and wielded a bastard sword 1 handed. We also had an elf NPC wizard of some sort.

Incidient. We were in a huge temple to some dark god. This temple was WAY beyond our challenge rating. We were on the second floor and had somehow essentially aggroed the whole floor we were on, and the floor below it. An army of Orcs and Minotaurs ran about. Now, at the time, we though Mage Armor stacked, so our Barbarian had about 12 casting of Mage Armor on him, via me and the other guy, so he was holding the army off single handedly via a 5 foot wide hallway. At the end of this hallway, behind us, was a pair of rooms that could only be opened from the inside, and the door was about 6 feet thick and solid stone. The door also had a trap, a Flamestrike spell designed to go off side to side instead of us and down. This is important as we had just disabled it, not disarmed it. :D

After a few moments we retreated into this room and slammed the door shut as our NPC cast a Stinking Cloud spell into the hallway. There were 2 mindflayers out in the army as well, just to let ya know. The door itself was airtight, so once we were inside, we were fine.

As we sat there, waiting for the cloud to fill the room (and apparently he was high enough in level that it would cover the entire level we were on, I had a thought.

Grabbing my players hand book I looked up the components of Stinking Cloud and realized something...

The stinking cloud was made of Methane! Methane is Flammable...

Trap on door..

MWHNAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I told everyone this, and our DM stared at me, and then the other players smiled. They knew what I was thinking.

Everyone but the rogue piled into the second room, and then the rogue triggerd the Flame Strike trap.

The resulting explosion nearly topped the tower, and we all gained enough XP to gain 2 levels from the things we had killed.

Only problem was we melted EVERYTHING on that floor down to nothing.

[JONJONAUG]

Simple plan for taking over the world. Create a self replicating battle-droid. Every few days, it would be able to gather enough resources to make another battle-droid. Make a bunch of these to start out with, and go attempt world conquest within a few months (by now, you should have millions of battle-droids). If you are defeated by some chance, there is no way your enemies could kill every last battle-droid, thus ensuring your next attempt at world conquest within another two months or so.

You simply cannot lose :)

[42PETUNIAS]

but how do we build the first?

[JONJONAUG]

We build the first one ourselves, and let the rest of them do all the work.

Minimum expenditure for maximum profit. Ultimate win!

[Bisected8]

We don't have to. There's an invisible one right there *points*

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

You're all putting too much thought into all this. Simplest way to take over the world: Mind control!

Via television!

[Khael!]

Man has this thread gone bonkers. Huzzah! Stinking cloud is methane!? Fudge Stomphoof! Now I really wish our cleric wasn't dead. Even if she did throw my bard 10 feet once.

Void, know of any locations with high concentrations of Zombies we can utilize? People may know how to dispose of them, but they may not know how to treat all the diseases they can carry. Heh heh heh.

Steal the walking technology for Asimo. We can modify it to allow our alpha robot to run at higher speeds and still maintain the extreme maneuverability. We'll have to lighten the alpha bot significantly - Asimo only runs for 30 minutes on a car battery. Probably because car batteries aren't light. I think Honda's idea was to run it on hydrogen fuel cells eventually. Meaning if all else fails, they could chain kamikaze.

Make sure the initial robot is programmed with some sort of 'learning' capability. If almost all the initial droids are destroyed somehow, the second generation will logically alter its own design to bypass original flaws and exploit newfound advantages.

D'oh! The problem with that is if they find it more reasonable to form their own society and become self-sufficient. Peace causes less casualties than war, therefor do not fight. I can't come up with a reasonable way of installing an energency off switch when I'm not in any phase of the building process.

[42PETUNIAS]

im gonna agree with Hawk, the tripods had it right. I vote we capture celebrities and use them to manipulate people. Theyve already got people imitating them and buying stupid stuff, taking over the world is just the next step.

[Bisected8]

Dare we risk the ultimate evil plan?

Create a reality TV show!

We also have the CEO of Honda's family hostage now and are blaming al qaeda.

[Rick Void]

Here's a fun story:

Okay, here’s the first thing you have to understand. All of the following took place my junior year of high-school (2002-2003). Myself and my friends, while being very interested in D&D, RIFTS, and, in general, all things RPG, were woefully strapped for cash. (READ: None of us had jobs. Us=Lazy Bastards) Therefore, real role-playing games were, for the most part, beyond our reach. (And in a few cases, comprehension. :( ) We were also more interested in the hack and slash (or “fun”, as we liked to call it) than in the typical rpg drama. So, armed with little more than three d6’s scavenged from board games, a d4, a d20, and some percentile dice (which were actually provided by a freshman we let play because A: he had them, and B: we didn’t) we made our way forward.
The freshman was actually our DM. Now, while one might think that this killed our sessions, it actually improved them. As freshmeat, he was the main target for our pranks. By DM’ing for us, he got both our protection (he was like our kid brother, only we could pick on him) and he got his revenge on us. More on that in a bit.
We had no story. No “Our town has a problem caused by an evil wizard who’s very bad and loves to eat cuddly soft baby bunnies alive without ketchup or any condiments at all and oh yeah he poisoned the land and you’re all gonna die in three days if you don’t get a cure ha ha ha good luck we’ll have the coffins waiting for you” b.s.
If anything, we were the aforementioned wizards.
This is how it worked. Each of us would take a turn. We could make one small move action (walking across a room) and one attack, or do one long term thing (search a room, cast an overly-complicated spell), or something that would take several turns (crossing town). Then, if we did something, the DM would roll the dice. For an attack, this meant the d20, followed by the d4, followed by the d6(s). The d20 was for determining whether we succeeded at what we were doing. The DM decided how difficult the task was and assigned a number to it, plus or minus the circumstances involved. (Pushing a boulder across a floor is harder than pushing a boulder across a greased floor) If we failed, nothing bad happened, unless the amount rolled was a one. When a one was rolled, that’s when things got crazy. Or crazier.
It’s called a critical miss. While some systems are content to let the character lose a round of action or take a little damage, the little bastard we had as DM wasn’t going to let us off that easy. After all, for him it was revenge. So he would either determine the outcome of the event himself, or use the d4. In normal combat, the d4 was used to determine where exactly we hit the opponent. On a critical fumble, sometimes, it was used to determine how we hurt ourselves. Which actually happened a lot. The d6’s were then used for damage. (Sometimes we didn’t use them and just stated that a limb was hacked off or something. It wasn’t a constant system.)
So now, we have brought ourselves to the part of most rpg’s that players and DM’s dread: Death. In this sort of campaign, death happened a lot. Say, every five minutes… or less. So we had to determine how we could keep people playing if they get killed. We opted to make them wait a turn, and then they’d be resurrected in a random location.
Stark naked.
Well, not entirely. We did give them a “weapon”. The other players could make suggestions, and then the DM would pick the most awful. Some of them cannot be listed here. However, I will happily tell one particular story.
One day while playing, a friend (we’ll call him Matt.) tried to stab my guy in the eye with his dagger. This was not an uncommon thing. Mostly, this was a no holds barred anything goes battle royal. We were in the middle of a bar. A half an hour later, he’s lying dead at my feet (a victim of a table leg I blocked his dagger with, the dagger had stuck in, and I hit him with). A turn passes, and it’s time for his resurrection. The DM elects for him to reappear at the back door of the bar. Then the weapon suggestions are made. A dull butter knife is chosen.
So he sneaks in through the door, and finds an unbroken shot glass. For the following, an explanation is required. We were all males. Therefore, so were our characters. So, when fighting a naked man, our first impulse was to attack the groin with whatever we had handy (utensils seemed to be the weapon of choice. Odd.). So, we were generally more interested in protecting that particular area. So Matt takes the shot glass, casts an indestructible spell on it, and shoves it over his junk.
A shot glass.
He never lived down effectively telling all of us that his junk was so small it would fit into a shot glass.

[Bisected8]

That, is the single greatest story ever told.

[Khael!]

That one fateful day when it comes my turn to run a one shot campaign... I know what I must do. The random limb loss d4 rule and insta-resurrection are gonna be megatastic to look forward to!

After that, I'll surely get a restraining order saying I'm not allowed to DM anything involving the use of dice. But I never liked being the banker in Monopoly anyway.

[Rick Void]

That campaign was so much fun.

At one point (if I remember right) my friend Matt and I ended up doing battle 100 feet up while he was riding an evil flying Barney doll (complete with fangs, bat wings, and rabies) and I was on an enchanted vaccum cleaner.

Another guy (who we all really hated but he wouldn't leave us alone, so we usually punished him in-game) was ressurected in the middle of the Amazon. Long Story short, he spent the next three sessions dodging Amazonian warriors who were trying to castrate him with jagged pieces of rock.

One time I cast engorge on my... um... Rod of Stroking (+3) and used it as a cudgle.

God I miss that game. XD

[Stomphoof]

That is both filthy and amusing. I APPROVE!

[Furioku]

That is both filthy and amusing. I APPROVE!
Agreed.

[FatCat]

Long, but definitely worth it. Great story.

[Sir Pinkleton]

Agreed.

*tsk**tsk*, no one word posts young man! Also,

Indeed.

[Furioku]

Sorry. >.> I was too busy laughing to realise I was posting a one-word post.

[Bisected8]

Excuses, excuses.

And here's a sentance to make this post longer.

[Rick Void]

I've been thinking.

That would almost make a great forum game, or a really cruddy RP.

I could get around to typing up the "rules" (and I use that term very loosely) one of these days if anybody is interested.

[Khael!]

YES! Rick Void, you crammed so much WIN into those words it's incredible.

A game would work better - the roleplay would just be like the infinite crisis. Tons of RM's running around accomplishing everything and nobody to appreciate our work.

Rules? I'd say they're for breaking, but most mods would argue the same is true of my reputation. Someone could give a scenario, and others could then compete to post the most humourously innovative way of solving it. No, something simpler to come up with than a fully described scenario...

New plan! How do we make this into an all-crazies-welcome, user-friendly game?

[Rick Void]

How about this?

Everybody who wants to play has to sign up ahead of time. There are no classes or anything like that to confuse people, but the more D&D,RIFTS,8BT,etc knowledge you have the greater your advantage.
Then we figure out a turn order. Once everybody has posted what they do on their turn, the thread DM rolls dice for their actions and posts what the outcome for everybody is. Obviously we'd have to give everybody 1 day per round, and decide when we want that rollover to start.

As for dice, we do it just like in the story I told; D20 for tohit or tomiss, d6 for damage (or, for ease of play, disregard), d4 for determining where an attack hit, unless it's an aimed attack which would be harder to make.Spells and weapons can be made up on the fly, but unless it's really funny or totally justified the dm can always use a plot device to remove it (Like with a Level 9 Light spell... by way of a massive explosion)
Also, we have to remember that we want to reward craziness and punish stupidity.

Whew!:D

[42PETUNIAS]

that sounds amazing, but would you have to know much DnD to play?

[Rick Void]

It would probably help to know inside jokes.

For example, you should probably know why it is a bad idea to:
- Put a Bag of Holding in a Portable Hole
- Put a Portable Hole in a Bag of Holding
- Hide in a Bag of Holding, and close the bag
- Put anything you want to keep alive in a Bag of Holding, and close the bag
- Attempt to fold a Portable Hole
- Put any extra-dimensional object in a Bag of Holding
- Put a Portable Hole in a Portable Hole
- Put a Bag of Holding into another Bag of Holding

In other words, don't screw with Bags of Holding, or Portable Holes. Punishments are severe, and made much to the amusement of the Dee'em.

[Khael!]

You forgot about putting swords in bags of holding. It's extra dimensional balloon popping time!

There would be a large degree of trust involved in believing what the dice roll... good start though. Better than I was coming up with (nothing!), that's for sure.

[Mr.Bookworm]

My plan for world domination, in five easy steps-

1. Invade Canada. Just because.

2. Threaten the world with Canada's nukes, to stall for time to build your Ultimate Mega Death Ray™, until the world realizes that Canada doesn't have nukes.

3. To generate more time for building of the Ultimate Mega Death Ray™, take Switzerland hostage, and threaten to kill everyone in it, unless a ransom is paid (to the tune of 100 billion, and 20 virgin girl sacrifices). Once they have sent the ransom, kill everyone in Switzerland using your newly completed Ultimate Mega Death Ray™, anyway. Make off back to Canada with money and virgins. (Note- Don't forget to rape Switzerland economy and wealth)

4. Now, dominate world with newly built Ultimate Mega Death Ray™, and Legions of Doom (get Legions of Doom from the countries that choose to bow down to you and your Ultimate Mega Death Ray™). Instill yourself as the new Dictator/Everlasting President/God/Other of the New World Order.

5. Enjoy.

[Bisected8]

How about this?

Everybody who wants to play has to sign up ahead of time. There are no classes or anything like that to confuse people, but the more D&D,RIFTS,8BT,etc knowledge you have the greater your advantage.
Then we figure out a turn order. Once everybody has posted what they do on their turn, the thread DM rolls dice for their actions and posts what the outcome for everybody is. Obviously we'd have to give everybody 1 day per round, and decide when we want that rollover to start.

As for dice, we do it just like in the story I told; D20 for tohit or tomiss, d6 for damage (or, for ease of play, disregard), d4 for determining where an attack hit, unless it's an aimed attack which would be harder to make.Spells and weapons can be made up on the fly, but unless it's really funny or totally justified the dm can always use a plot device to remove it (Like with a Level 9 Light spell... by way of a massive explosion)
Also, we have to remember that we want to reward craziness and punish stupidity.

Whew!:D

I'm in.

[42PETUNIAS]

i guess im in, if itll be fairly n00b-friendly

[Khael!]

Oh, It'll have to be noob-friendly, as I'm secretly a Noob Lord myself. But don't tell anyone.

It doesn't have to use D&D rules exclusively. We can use all sorts of turn-based systems / rules inspired by video games too, if it's logical to do so. More players will be familiar with FF Tactics, say. Which is interesting, as I haven't played it...:gonk:

Wow's a good reference source. I watch my brother play. For example, he's all "Hooray for blue items!", meanwhile, I'm going "That's just like a masterwork item... hooray for +1's!"

What kind of setting will this take place in? I'm tempted to make it a pure medieval/futuristic clash to allow for a much greater weapons/items inventory, but... a reality like that is unlikely to occur. Guns totally render swords obsolete. Same for medical advances like neurosurgery, since curaga can close a hole in your head faster.

Then again... this is going to be a comedic RP. :D Physics class has left me looking at things too realistically.

[Rick Void]

As to the dice stuff, when you play a role playing game (either in person or in game) how often do you actually see the dice roll? In most games, not very. For all you know the computer is making it up as you go. At least in this case it's a human at the controls. Er... dice. Anyway, we'd have to be completely impartial as dee'ms.

If nobody trusts acutal dice rolls, I'm sure somebody could hunt up a dice rolling program somewhere.

As to the setting, what we did was start off in a medieval village. Then as you searched through the village, the dm told us what we found. I don't think we found anything more advanced than a single shot slug-thrower. The focus was more on beat the hell out of eachother and come up with ridiculously complicated spells and magic items.

I had a thought. Here's how a basic couple rounds could go.
Player #1: I search through the garbage at my feet for a full turn.
Player #2: Hiding in the shadows above him, I wait to see what he finds.
DM: Times up! Player #1, you find a rather abused Barney doll. Player #2, I rolled to see if you could sustain your grip the full amount of time. DC 10. You just missed it with a 9. You lose your grip and fall. Fortunantly, it's a short distance, and you took no damage. Player #1 is alerted to your prescence however.
Player #1: I've got you now #2! I draw my stabbity dagger and stabbity stab Player #2.
Player #2: Crap. I grab a nearby trashcan lid (mentioned a few posts earlier) and block with that.
DM: Times up! To hit player #2 is DC 15, but because she is reeling from the fall, I'll nock 2 points off. But, I'll add three because of the thrash can lid. DC 16. Player #1, you rolled a 17. That's a hit. You rolled a 3 on the Body part dice (d4, 1 is legs, 2 is arms, 3 is torso, 4 is head). You stab her in the torso, just grazing her heart.
Player #1: Ha ha! I stabbity again!
Player #2: OW! I curl up into a ball to protect my precious organs.
DM: Times up! Player #1, the DC to hit Player #2 is 15, plus 3 because her organs are covered. You rolled a... 1. That my friend, is a critical miss. You douche bag. Time for the oops I missed dice. (d4, 1 is groin, 2 is leg, 3 is arm, 4 is eyeball) You rolled a...nother 1. Sucker. You are currently rolling around on the pavement, experiencing a brand new world of pain. Player #3, your wand of hadoken is now finished.
Player #1: HADOKEN!? I attempt to crawl to... anywhere. Far away.
Player #2: I cast a quick healing spell on my chest wound.
Player #3: I use my wand of hadoken on those suckers from the other end of the alley.
DM: Times up! I not even gonna roll for this. Player #3, you just made a stupid mistake. The Hadoken goes off, and takes the alley, the next serveral blocks around, the wand itself, and players 1, 2, and 3. You're all toast. Time for a respawn...

I could go on, but you get the point.

[42PETUNIAS]

wow... this sounds like pure awesomevity. I'd definitly love to play this

[Bisected8]

Things I plan to do;


Poke someone to annoy them and make them go into a beserker rage

Put a bag of holding in a portable hole and use them as a weapon, mahahahah

Tell a monster (who is not undead) to go away and see if it works

[catlover20410]

Can someone give me links to the reasons WHY putting various things in Bags of Holding is dumb?

Kthx.

[Meister]

http://systemreferencedocuments.org/35/sovelior_sage/magicItemsWI.html

Scroll down to get to the Bag of Holding explanation.

[Sir Pinkleton]

So, we have a general idea of what we're supposed to do, what we can and can't do (not a whole lot, I suppose :whee: ), so what else is there to look over? I can't think of anything, but then again I just did 2.5 hours of non-stop homework so I'm in a different thinking pattern.

O yeah, it's "bed-time" as well.

So, if there's nothing else to discuss, can we make the forum game? Now?

[Khael!]

How long should palyers have for turns? A day or two? The DM's turn should be sometime in the evening, say 8-10 ish. That way, it's not overly late for the DM, and it also gives a chance for the players in highschool to post when they come home.

Who will DM? It's a giant little question... Interesting indeed if this were to be my Dungeon Master debut.

[Sir Pinkleton]

Well, Khael, since you're familiar with this stuff, maybe YOU should be DM?

Either that, or Rick Void because he thought of it.

[Bisected8]

http://systemreferencedocuments.org/35/sovelior_sage/magicItemsWI.html

Scroll down to get to the Bag of Holding explanation.

The link won't load.

Not that I don't know why combining various holding items is a bad idea.

[Meister]

Sure won't. The SRD have been lagging earlier, too. Just give it some time. EDIT: Or, y'know, go here (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/magicItems/wondrousItems.htm#bagofHolding).

Basically, what happens if you put a bag of holding in a portable hole is that a planar rift forms and sucks in the bag and everything in it. If you put a portable hole into a bag of holding, the same thing happens, only the rift affects everything in a 10 ft. radius as well.

Living beings put in a bag of holding will simply suffocate after ten minutes.. It's not infinite space in there, after all.

[Rick Void]

Sigh.

I'd love to DM this, but my schedule prohibits it.
I'm currently working a full time job, and 18 credit college schedule, an internship, and I have a fiance' that I don't spend enough time with already.

I'd behappy to pop in on the game every once in a while to give Khael ideas or as a "Jackass Wizard Who Did It".

Hell, that last part really appeals to me. So very appealing. :D

[Selfish]

ooooooo iwantinsobadlybutamaddictedto RaiRO.


I would *LOVE* to have something like this happen in my life.
To dm? Impossiblility.

[Evil Ted]

Sorry about not posting recently, but i was consumed by the WOW monster. It stoped eating me when I started vomiting. Anyways, does anyone have an idea on how to stop vomiting for more than ten minutes?

[42PETUNIAS]

dont put anything in your mouth. Sleeping it off is probably good too, instead of staying near a computer. But then again, an online forum is a crappy place to get any advice on health, find a doctor, parent or friend

[Sir Pinkleton]

Well, if Khael can't do it, then I might. Although I don't have much experiance as a DM, or in DnD for that matter, I have alot of time (which may replace the need for experiance).

[42PETUNIAS]

then by all means, start the roleplay, fearless leader

[Khael!]

Hokay, I can't helpt it. I wanna DM, experienced or not! (four years and I've only been a player so far.) I'll roll real dice for this too. I even have a three sided one I carved out of an eraser and refined until the odds rolled quite fairly.

I'll start an RP titled 'Mad Plans: The Free-for-All!' Many may join. There may be need to give a brief description of your character at some point, if only so players and dm's can easily remember who's who. If someone wants to join midway in a game, it would be best to message me/other dm's first so we can implement your actions in a streamlined fasion. I will be at a gaming/anime convention (AC Cubed!) for most of Saturday and Sunday, but I think I'll manage.

Edit: Aparently free for all's aren't exactly smiled upon, eheh. Let's call it "Mad Plans: Freestyle RP" instead. There will actually be, y'know, good guys and bad guys and *gasp!* a mission you guys are 'supposed' to follow. Whether you do or not, we'll see.

There's a signup thread and a proper RP thread set up now. If you guys have any complaints/suggestions, please do message me. Specifically concerning how long we need between turns, and how many turns a day. I'll probably set up a discussion thread for this very soon, but I'm exhausted and need to sleep before that convention tomorrow.

[Sir Pinkleton]

then by all means, start the roleplay, fearless leader.

HAHA! Not only do I not have to do it, but I fixed your grammatical error of having no period! HAHA!

[Bisected8]

Hokay, I can't helpt it. I wanna DM, experienced or not! (four years and I've only been a player so far.) I'll roll real dice for this too. I even have a three sided one I carved out of an eraser and refined until the odds rolled quite fairly.

I'll start an RP titled 'Mad Plans: The Free-for-All!' Many may join. There may be need to give a brief description of your character at some point, if only so players and dm's can easily remember who's who. If someone wants to join midway in a game, it would be best to message me/other dm's first so we can implement your actions in a streamlined fasion. I will be at a gaming/anime convention (AC Cubed!) for most of Saturday and Sunday, but I think I'll manage.

Edit: Aparently free for all's aren't exactly smiled upon, eheh. Let's call it "Mad Plans: Freestyle RP" instead. There will actually be, y'know, good guys and bad guys and *gasp!* a mission you guys are 'supposed' to follow. Whether you do or not, we'll see.

There's a signup thread and a proper RP thread set up now. If you guys have any complaints/suggestions, please do message me. Specifically concerning how long we need between turns, and how many turns a day. I'll probably set up a discussion thread for this very soon, but I'm exhausted and need to sleep before that convention tomorrow.

Excellant. TO THE THREAD.....*points dramatically*

Wait, I'm new to these forums, where are all the RPs?

[Schizowings]

I need to work out something sortof D&D. Dwarves move only 20 feet per round instead of the regular 30. they are shlow in da feetsh. Thankfully heavy armour doesnt slow them down further.

If stilts increase your stride dramatically, why not get the dwarf in your party to use a pair? It couldnt be that hard to accomplish, given an ample dexterity score.

[Evil Ted]

Why is it that true evil is always left up to the wizards and mages?

[Khael!]

Because... I - you... you got beat up by a... I don't know really.

Perhaps the wizard's studious style of magic lends well towards studious diabolical planning? Or "I point, stuff goes boom" is too tempting to pass up?

I was always more of a chaotic neutral person. 'Cuz some people, like me, find sanity a bit confining.

Dwarves on stilts, dwarves on stilts... comical, but... I don't think it would work in battle... unless the stilts were masterwork and made to function as weapons...

[Sir Pinkleton]

Why is it that true evil is always left up to the wizards and mages?

I was under the impression that true evil was always left to "the knight in shining armor who is both honorable and courageous."

[Noodlesis]

Whootastic! As an added bonus, +10 I think, we all get to feel accepted here. At last! I'm either in Quebec or Ontario, though lately (currently) the latter.

Flarecobra - hehe, good one! Out-of-game too. Why didn't you guys compromise and use the ductape and the pullstring plan? Two great things that taste great together!

Yeah, D&D will do that to ya. I seem to recall the earlier mentioned cleric buying 20 crates of apples (5000 fruits total). After they went rotten, she had this crazy idea to extract the seeds and make cyanide from them. Then arrange the cyanide-filled crates around the mule in some sort of armour-like manner, rig it with an explosive, and send it through the gates of whoever pisses us off next. Though this was the good campaign, I'm not sure as to why she never executed this plan.

Keep 'em coming!

GOD THAT'S FUNNY! Anyways, I ended up STEALING the shopkeeper, taking him into the wilderness, throwing him at the nearest dragon, we defeated it while he was distracting it, he died and we searched him for phat l00t. Haha, the dungeon master was laughing too hard to object to my sillynessocity.

[Khael!]

Wait WHAT!? You used undiluted humour to cripple your DM's rule-mongering abilities? And got away with dragon killing!?

I kneel and pray before thee, newfound Deity of Comical Cheatery!

[King_black_mage]

Well is a full proof plane that has to work. It all started when me and a group of friends where playing D&D. I was playing a gnome rouge who will be going wizard. He finds out about a time loop (a advent that happens again and again and again) He had a chaos theory that would have worked what he needed was these 6 things

1.) 50 feet of silk rope

2.) 4 pulleys

3.) 1 dagger

4.) 1 banana

5.) 1 vile of acid

6.) 2 wands of fire balls

The plan was to have the bad guy get caught in the rope. the pulley's would help pull the guy up. The banana was for me to eat and the dagger was to cut the rope if a ally got caught in the trap. the acid was used to mark the spot on the floor. The 2 wand of fireballs....well I just love fireballs. The plan would have worked and stopped the time loop, but no one would Liston. needless to say we got caught up in the time loop and it was game over. Well for them it was I manged to get out but that is another story. My plan would have worked too if it wasn't for my meddling party members and there pet wolfs too.

[Evil Ted]

Your grammer is poor, but alas, this is not my point. My question is; What is the minimum skill requirements and what skills are neccisarry to reset the command words for a wand? I'm planning to reset the commands for all of the nearly used up wands and taping them together. It will be horribly dangerous and may kill some party members, but it will be worth it to kill the "wishing" dragon in the plane of air.

[Kerensky287]

For the people talking about Dwarf Stilts... why not create some Siege Stilts of Dexterity? You know, makes you taller, makes you faster, increases your dexterity enough to actually USE them, and has spikes on the sides, counting as +1 Morning Stars covered in Oil of Impact.

Incredibly devious!

[Evil Ted]

Arn't Morning Stars simmilar to the ball and chain?

[42PETUNIAS]

i think thats exactly what they are

[Eltargrim]

No, that's a flail. A morning star lacks the chain; just a spiky ball on a stick.

The more you know!

*runs off*

[xravi]

Who revied this thread? Anyway A moring star is like a mace, just the head is a ball with spikes.

[42PETUNIAS]

i thought that was a mace

[xravi]

The word mace itslef is to vauge as there are differnt types of maces, a moring star is say, a type of mace.

Anyways I am glad someone revied this thread.

[Sir Pinkleton]

I would've been glad this thread was revived, but everyone that has posted recently has horrible grammer. FOR SHAME!

EDIT: Except for Eltargrim.

[xravi]

grammer shammer rimmer damele

[Meister]

grammer shammer rimmer damele
Careful, you're balancing right on the spam line. And one foot's hanging into the void. And you dropped some grease on the line where the other foot is.

Also:

Morningstar: basically a club with a weighted, spiked head which can also have the head attached by a chain
Flail: a staff with a length of wood attached to one end by a very short chain
Mace: a club with a weighted head, often with short, heavy blades or plates to increase force

[Evil Ted]

Still, nobody has awsered my question about resetting wand keywords. WHY NOT!?

[Khael!]

Because I think it tends to make them go boom right then and there. Why not just throw the wand bundle at the dragon and then attempt to reset the words? That way if it does go off or something, you still get the same results.

[catlover20410]

Right, so very glad to see actual instances of RM-style plans being told in here again.

It's funny stuff, y'know.

[Sir Pinkleton]

If only more people would ask questions though...

I would, but I can create my own RM-style answers, along with the fact that I don't have any questions anyhow.

[Khael!]

How do you not have any questions!? Get out of my house!!! Er, I mean... I guess I do sorta live here.


I forget/never knew to begin with: Can you counter a beholder's gaze with a mirror? What happens if two beholders have a staring contest?

Besides censoring issues, how come the only article of clothing left intact on the Hulk is a pair of purple shorts?

And lastly: What would be the benefits and practical applications of producing masterwork paper?

[Akamaz]

as far as i know if a beholder looks in the mirror he's cool, so i guess it does nothing

because bruce banner wears purple spandex pants, they stretch.

benefits of masterwork paper would be a materials bonius to creafting ninja kites


oh and maybe scrolls or something.

[Sir Pinkleton]

I'm sure the paper, being a masterwork, is more durable than regular paper, so it's ideal for practically anything conserning, whether it be an important scroll or a paper shuriken!

Also, I'm not leaving, so pnah. :p

[Bisected8]

Seeing as good quality paper absorbs ink perfectly, I'd say that's what masterwork paper does.

or maybe its just bright colours so its easier to read.

[Khael!]

No wait, wait.

Wait.

Masterwork stuff doesn't break on a natural 1. It would never rip accidentally - paper airplanes would rock again with this stuff!

On the downside, it'd get that extra +1 on damage rolls. The papercuts would be phenominal. Goodness, you'd probably need stitches on a crit.

[Bisected8]

What I really want to know is what the function of masterwork drinks cans would be....

[Melfice]

No wait, wait.

Wait.

Masterwork stuff doesn't break on a natural 1. It would never rip accidentally - paper airplanes would rock again with this stuff!

On the downside, it'd get that extra +1 on damage rolls. The papercuts would be phenominal. Goodness, you'd probably need stitches on a crit.

In other words, you have just created a new thrown ninja weapon!

[Lord of Joshelplex]

Genious D&D Plan 1: I was DM and we had a Sorceror, Fighter and a Ranger. THe ranger had accidentaly triggered a sliding wall that unleashed a horde of ravenous kobolds. The sorceror then decided that he would cast swarm, as a countermeasure, to help us out, and then went forward to cast invisibility on it so they wouldnt see it coming from the small room we barricaded ourselves in. The rnager was all for it, but the fighter was really pissed. the sorc opnened the door and performed the swarm spell, and made it invisible. Of course, the first person the swarm attacked was the fighter (we got rid of it after), and poisoned and killed him, however, the poison had turned his bodily fluids to acid. The rnager then decided to place an unlit powder keg inside the corpse, and then threw it into the room full of kobolds. The rnager struck it with a flaming arrow, human bioweapon, victory for us.

[Khael!]

Joshelplex, your timing is beautiful. My party has recently suffered two losses. I (Bard) have just been resurrected and the warrior I love to hate outgame is still dead.
We also have vials of acid and several acid-prone wizard's-lab-specimens that need disposing of.

Oh, happy happy, joy joy!

[Lord of Joshelplex]

Joshelplex, your timing is beautiful. My party has recently suffered two losses. I (Bard) have just been resurrected and the warrior I love to hate outgame is still dead.
We also have vials of acid and several acid-prone wizard's-lab-specimens that need disposing of.

Oh, happy happy, joy joy!

Human bioweapon, genious, albeit ethically wrong. Fuck ethics, go for what makes the biggest mess!

[xravi]

A lot of people seem to like killing their companions in dnd. If someone in my group would plot to kill me what should I do? Someone please explain it in a red magey way please.

[Lord of Joshelplex]

A lot of people seem to like killing their companions in dnd. If someone in my group would plot to kill me what should I do? Someone please explain it in a red magey way please.

Spray Febreeze in his eyes, and then burn his character shhet, leaving him unable to function. Or you could just stab the guy controlling the character trying to kill you.

[xravi]

Too much of a whimp to harm him in real life. Hmm I guess I could kill the character in an attempt of self defense but, what if the character is vastly more powerful then mine?

[Lord of Joshelplex]

Resort to the one thing mankind has turned too for centuries, mess up the gamespace and tell him to get our of your house (even if it's his) In actuality however, gaining aid from other party members would help, or perhaps disarming or immobilizing him.

[UltimaZERO]

A: Grab a bag of infinite holding.
B: Buy temporary speed and reflex enhancements.... magical or physical form.
C: Buy a lot of explosives...a LOT of explosives.
D: Shove explosives in bag
E: Use said enhancements.
F: Shove bag over his/her head.
G: Close bag.
H: Let explosives do their work.

Too tired to formulate a good plan, but I hope that works.

[42PETUNIAS]

or just poison his food/healing potions/whatever would go in his mouth.

[Vesus]

Very cruel thing you can do...
You need an avid roleplayer to do this... wait 'till your mark gets attatched to his character, and announce, in plain hearing of your friend, that you poison his favourite food.
As a roleplayer, he is compelled by forces unknown to eat the food, despite knowing quite well it will kill his beloved character, while you sit back and laugh... upside is, depending on your sort of character, you could even get RPXP! Downside is unless it's your turn to pay, you most likely won't get any pizza. :(
People have a tendancy to get pissed when you start killing off their allies.

Edit: While we're talking about messing with party members, this twink (http://www.nuklearpower.com/redmage29.php) from Twinkin' Out is VERY awesome for messing with those in your party. Depending on your party members and how evil your DM is, you could get away with all kinds of things. Imagine being the Thief of DnD, convincing everybody in your party to sign contracts stating that you get all gold, etc...
Your meatshield annoying you? Simply 'remind' him that he can move faster without armour, so he should just give you that nice, enchanted armour before rushing in and fighting that dragon.

^ and I wonder why I don't get invited to any sessions. =/

[xravi]

Love out of charcter knowlege. The feeling that you know whats going on yet your charcter does not and you have to act that way. Fun stuff. Posion works very well by the way.

[Lord of Joshelplex]

Awesome plan #2: The ranger decides to snipe a knoll in a forest. He succesfully kills it, and then decides to go teabag it (this was at night) He is then unaware ther was a party of about 12 and is slauhgtered. The Sorceror then decides a smart plan would be to cast fireball at a tree, hopefully causing it to burn and fall in their path, allowing to to retreat, of course, most of the forest lights up and crushed his corpse. My friends are the bad special!

[Khael!]

The probably Smarter Solution:
Make sure most of the party likes your character. If that damn fighter decides he wants to crush you to a fine pulp, your buddies rogue, cleric and sorcerer aren't too far away. The threat of being outnumbered usually works - another good reason why party splits are best avoided.

My Solution:
Someone in my party wanted to kill me lots. Now whenever I hear metagame threats, I grab all the d20's so they can't make any attack rolls or skill checks.

[xravi]

If a dm were to say, have us fight against some kind of immortal being, how do we kill it? By immortal I mean when it dies it comes back to life.

[Khael!]

I desperately need this one answered too. We just killed a dire weasel thingy that had had the essence of a vampire infused with it. Making it a vampire weasel.

We killed the weasel. We trapped the dust underground to keep it from escaping and turning back into the original vampire. I realized that once it re-forms, all it had to do was dig through several feet of loose dirt. But I was too busy wanting to distance myself from the area to voice this.

Crap. Now I'm gonna die. Again.

[42PETUNIAS]

bag of holding + lots of rocks + bottom of a large body of water?

[Sir Pinkleton]

I think a tried and true method is to kill the thing, then try to separate the body into parts. Say, put the head deep underground, the arms at the bottom of the ocean, and the rest can go wherever (perhaps into a bottomless pit or something?). That way, there are many obstacles in the way between the parts. If, howver, the creature you're fighting regenerates arms and such even after cutting them off, then it would be wise to cage the animal somehow, or put it somewhere where it can't escape (bottomless pit suggestion again).

[42PETUNIAS]

I still think the bottom of the ocean in a weighted bag of holding would be great, but ive got an even better idea. Put it in a coffin. Put the coffin in a grave. Upside down.

[Sir Pinkleton]

I still think the bottom of the ocean in a weighted bag of holding would be great, but ive got an even better idea. Put it in a coffin. Put the coffin in a grave. Upside down.

Oooh, you sly dog. The only problem there is how are you going to get the creature in the bag of holding/coffin? it also depends on what kind of creature we're taling about. Is it a vampire weasel? Or a 10-foot tall troll?

[42PETUNIAS]

actually, a troll might even be easier. I mean, at least it's humanoid, so even if you have to make a really big grave and coffin, at least you know what way it would instinctively dig out. I'm not quite sure which way a ferret would instinctively dig. It doesn't really matter anyway, unless it's really stupid. I just realized that it would just feel which way gravity was, and use that, so it probably wouldnt be too hard. An easier thing would still probably be ocean, or chaining it to a bid stone and dropping it in. The pressure would immediatly crush it if it came back to life, so you'd have until the chain breaks to get away. Giving you a good head start.

[Khael!]

Unfortunately, bags of holding actually cost a lot more than I'm willing to part with... but thank you for bringing up the water-pressure thing. Maybe if we could just get the thing unconscious for long enough, it will sink too far before it wakes up and attempts to start swimming. Then with some luck it'll get perpetually crushed forever below the continental shelf.

[UltimaZERO]

By a Vampire Weasel, do you mean it's weak against sunlight?
If so, you could always create some White Phosphorus and ignite it when he regenrates, blinding him for long enough to properly restrain him until the sun comes up.
But more importantly, you get to play with White Phosphorus.

[Khael!]

Well, the probably-reformed-original-vampire is a town away from me now. I'll find another reason to mess with that stuff... Shouldn't be too hard, even though the party wouldn't let me make lye last time.

How does one make white phosphorous? I also (Important!) need to know how to neutralize it and get all of it off a person. From what I remember the stuff wreaks eternal napalmy hell on flesh.

[Meister]

Wish the fucker dead. It works for the Tarrasque.

... actually, we were dealing with a vampire the other day. After we beat him he turned to fog and retreated to his coffin. We found the coffin and the cleric rolled high on her Knowledge (Religion) check to figure out how to dispose of him.

DM: "Well, some traditional ways you recall are cutting off the head, putting a stake trough his heart, stuffing his mouth with garlic... burning him, dousing him in holy water... disposing of him in running water is also good..."
Cleric: "Okay, I'm gonna do that."
DM: "Which of those?"
Cleric: "All of them."
DM: "O... kay..."

So we staked him, cut off the head, stuffed the mouth with garlic, burned the whole thing, mixed the ashes in with holy water and she poured him into the river while reciting prayers. And there was much referencing Vigo the Carpathian.

EDIT: It just occurred to me that a cleric can Purify his urine and make it into normal water. It also occurred to me that a cleric can make normal water into holy water. I really have to play a cleric some time, if only for the chance to pee on the undead.

[Melfice]

EDIT: For some reason I just had the thought that a cleric could conceivably make his urine into perfectly good water using nothing but one Level 0 spell. Never occurred to me before. I'm not quite sure about the actual practical applications of that though.

And I'm pretty damn sure nobody even WANTS to know. XD
What were you on when you thought of that, dude?

Seriously, crazy Germans.

EDIT: ... actually, now it's kinda awesome. XD

[Meister]

After all the Magic Missile discussion going on over here (http://forum.nuklearpower.com/showthread.php?t=17151) I have the sudden urge to build a campaign around the assassination of a political leader.

"He must have used a magic missile!"
"Oh come on, that's ridiculous!"

[Khael!]

And I've got a hankerin' to combine lightsabers with violent artillery in ways never thought possible. Or smart. Mainly I'd like to know what the basic lightsaber's handle is composed of. We've finished the physics unit on Electromagnetism and I wanna build some sort of rail gun.

[Great Cartoonist]

I don't know what was going on through my mind when I thought of this, but I thought of a new weapon for tanks and air-superiority fighters:
Gatling Quadruple Vulcan Cannons.

It consists of a huge four-barrel rotating gun with each barrel containing a multi-barrel rotating gatling cannon.

I thought this would be the thread where someone would tell me how it would work or what the real ramifications of it were.

[Phlegyas]

I assume you are skipping past the problem of the gun overheating then? Because that and the intricate machinery needed to prevent rampant jamming would be necessary.

[42PETUNIAS]

well, that's probably a little too based in reality for this thread, but I'll try to respond to it as best I can.

It consists of a huge four-barrel rotating gun with each barrel containing a multi-barrel rotating gatling cannon.

That just seems excessive to me. I mean, if you point a gatling gun at something, said thing generally tends to die. As long as the gatling gun is usually accurate on its own, having four is really only adding to how many bullets are being used, and a single gun is probably already powerful enough. To me it just seems like a waste of bullets, and while mounted on an aircraft might work out, I can't see it being used efficiently on a tank. Im not quite sure where you'd mount it either.

[Khael!]

So, like, little gat's mounted within tubes to make big gat's? Which in turn are all mounted together as some sort of rotating super death gun?
Kind of reminds me of that ride at the fair! The main contraption spinning one way, whilst the seats suspended from it spin in the opposite direction...

The tricky part would be loading the ammunition. Belts of ammo would get wrapped around the thing pretty quickly. What kind of ammo would it take? As much as I like energy weapons, I'm leaning strongly toward bullety-missiles for this machine.

EDIT: Against giant robots, the increased surface area the gun is capable of hitting might prove to be better. You could angle the tubes containing the gatling guns outward slightly to increase this area. Like blanket bombing, only blanket bulleting.

[xravi]

I would see it working with mech on mech battle. You could have the bullets stored in a side compartment in the mech. So it would somehow automatically load into the guns.

[Great Cartoonist]

The entire gun, I imagine, would be a combination of a riot shotgun and a gatling chaingun.

Imagine the Riot Gun from the game Shadow Warrior (search for it if you don't know what it is).
Now picture it MUCH BIGGER, enough so that a gatling cannon from Wolfenstein 3D could fit inside each barrel.
That's what the GQVC would be like.

Fitted with a humongous box cartridge of Dum-Dum rounds, its bullets would cover a very wide area and single-handedly take out a large portion of the army that stormed onto Omaha during Operation Overlord. Equipped with armor-piercing bullets (or coilgun rounds if the whole gun was based on Gauss gun technology), it would literally shred a tank to pieces and perforate anyone inside it. Using it on one individual would indeed be overkill, and would probably be a good contender for one of Mortal Kombat's Fatality moves.
That's what I think it would be capable of, anyway.

Speaking of tanks, I was just reading a chapter from My Tank is Fight! and some of the inventions in there would be good subject matter for this thread.

[Vesus]

And I've got a hankerin' to combine lightsabers with violent artillery in ways never thought possible. Or smart. Mainly I'd like to know what the basic lightsaber's handle is composed of. We've finished the physics unit on Electromagnetism and I wanna build some sort of rail gun.

Wookieepedia, the Star Wars Wiki can solve your ailment.
There is a helpful picture here. (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Image:Lightsaber-cutaway.jpg)
It's a lot more complex than people who play KOTOR would think.

[Phlegyas]

GC, just so we're clear, you do know it's only going to be even slightly possible if you make it a gauss chaingun or a railgun-type contraption. Anything else is going to cause way too much heat in the process. You still have a plethora of problems with this thing being an incredibly intricate piece of machinery with a lot of movement going on in a small area causing the possibility of friction again causing overheating, even with gauss technology, and an incredible tendency to jam.

[Bisected8]

You'll never be able to build a rail gun. They use far too much energy and unless you happen to be very good friends with a billionaire, don't expect ot get hold of the components you need.

The mechanism of a gauss rifle also makes the mechanism of a chaingun unnecessary.

[Great Cartoonist]

Yeah, I didn't know how it would work when I first got the idea in my head (I was sure that it would be fatally flawed), so I asked you guys what you thought of it. Insane, isn't it? And not in the good way.

[Phlegyas]

Now, I was thinking, you could possibly get close to the same effect if you somehow stuffed a chaingun's ammunition with shot. I don't think it would have a problem jamming as the shot, as far as I can recollect, won't be released from the shell until it exits the barrel. The only problem is, I'm not exactly sure if a bullet with shot in it needs a larger blasting cap or something, explaining why they are only found in shotguns, which might muck up the works in the chaingun.

[UltimaZERO]

You'll never be able to build a rail gun. They use far too much energy and unless you happen to be very good friends with a billionaire, don't expect ot get hold of the components you need.

The mechanism of a gauss rifle also makes the mechanism of a chaingun unnecessary.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,244593,00.html
New straight from Brian's homepage, albeit a different source.
FTW.

As far as Gauss weaponry goes, I have no clue....
But I've always wanted a railgun ever since I heard they were theoretically possible.
Best Anti-everything weapon evar.

[Phlegyas]

At the peak of its ballistic trajectory, the projectile will reach an altitude of 500,000 feet, or about 95 miles, actually exiting the Earth's atmosphere.

*In deep, surly, confused voice* Metal Gear!?

[Bisected8]

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,244593,00.html
New straight from Brian's homepage, albeit a different source.
FTW.

As far as Gauss weaponry goes, I have no clue....
But I've always wanted a railgun ever since I heard they were theoretically possible.
Best Anti-everything weapon evar.

A real railgun's unlikely to do anything but replace conventional artillery weapons. They'd use too much energy to be handheld.

A Gauss weapon (basically it accelerates the projectile with magnets instead of tracks) however could (in theory) be used to make an effective needlegun (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Needlegun); The perfect personal weapon.

[UltimaZERO]

Bah, kinetic artillery strikes, all you need is 5. Any more and you've lost your objective. Any less and it's no fun.
As for tactical deployment rail/gaussguns, what Phlegyas says is beyond true.
It's a kinetic metal gear. I can imagine a submarine eventually sporting one, and even large scale tanks, though the process would immobilize that tank for a long time. While we can get more precise mobile artillery, we cannot effectively (and would not want to, really) create large-scale tactical deployment railguns.

Back on subject. Big 'slposions mean less troops have to enter a battefield and if you want to preserve it, yeah, I'd work on some gauss weapons, though those may ake a lot of refinement as well.

[Schizowings]

Aww. Nichael was looking up lightsabre technology before he got sick. I thought it was cool cause he wanted to make a railgun that shot them.

but the stupid lightsabres use electromagnets too, so the rail gun would ruin them!! poo. :gonk:

[Fifthfiend]

A hundred and ten posts over the OT-thread limit?

Goddamn, talk about asleep at the wheel.

Thread closed. But I mean, feel free to start a new one whenevs.