Describe your sex life in video game terms [Archive]

ZERO.

10-09-2006, 08:46 PM

Server not found? What does that even mean?

I mean you got lost on the way to the whorehouse, what?

Yes, fifthfiend I got lost on my way to the local whorehouse.

That's totally it.

You know what?

Let's just change server not found to server not fucking there.

Nikose Tyris

10-09-2006, 08:47 PM

Double ball bonus score.

My CPU melted from extended play.

Massacre

10-09-2006, 08:51 PM

Server not found? What does that even mean?

I mean you got lost on the way to the whorehouse, what?

I think that means he's single.

Me? Fully-Interactive.

Azisien

10-09-2006, 08:57 PM

Everything was going fine for like two weeks, but now I just keep getting blue screens.

Kikuichimonji

10-09-2006, 09:35 PM

Glad there's no high score list.
I even got a sexual innuendo in there! I'm so awesome.

Flarecobra

10-09-2006, 10:27 PM

Let's just say.....no one can plug into me. ;)

It's a lot harder to make one up for being in a relationship with another girl.

Lady Cygnet

10-09-2006, 10:32 PM

The game is downloaded, but someone with wifi has hacked the server and is using up all of the bandwidth.

And my hands are tied because I'm stuck with fuggin' dialup and I can't empty my cache. All I can do is watch the hacking load...slowly.

BlackMageGirl!

10-09-2006, 11:10 PM

Try a virus protection suddenly going AWOL and various pop-ups that come up all the time goin' "Lol ur single wann go out?".

Raiden

10-09-2006, 11:20 PM

Easy to install, the cartridge slides right in, and if for some reason it doesn't feel like working, just blow on it.

POS Industries

10-09-2006, 11:22 PM

One-player mode is getting really boring...

TheSpacePope

10-09-2006, 11:37 PM

Level Up?

Wait no, it's more like this

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/geckglow/supersmashbros.jpg

Grandmaster_Skweeb

10-10-2006, 12:05 AM

Motion sensitive Wii controller!
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a48/GumboMcnasty/wiicontroller.jpg

Squishy Cheeks

10-10-2006, 12:43 AM

Too many users on the server

Mirai Gen

10-10-2006, 02:15 AM

I don't even have a goddamn console to play on right now.

Damn this sucks.

Truce

10-10-2006, 02:23 AM

SQUARE, RIGHT, SQUARE, SQUARE, L2, X, TRIANGLE, X, TRIANGLE (http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/ps2/code/914983.html)

Long-Haired Narcissist

10-10-2006, 02:57 AM

I'm playing solo on an NES. I can't find anyone to play multiplayer on my XBox 360. Everytime I find a second player, player 3 forms an alliance with player 2 to pwn me

Arlia Janet

10-10-2006, 03:20 AM

God mode.
Bonus levels.

Do those count?

The_Phat_G

10-10-2006, 03:55 AM

My server has fewer updates than Maddox.

Also: I find the number of people here whose sex lives are far better than mine to be distressing.

Captain Hat

10-10-2006, 04:59 AM

I keep getting party invites from players with good looking avatars but rubbish character builds. All of the players I know whose classes and char builds are worth it seem to have filled their parties already.

Patrat

10-10-2006, 05:41 AM

I u mine?
I hav no XP?

Bobbey

10-10-2006, 07:27 AM

Game Over.

8-Bit Idiot

10-10-2006, 07:28 AM

My two materia have no AP whatsoever....

I_Like_Swordchucks

10-10-2006, 07:30 AM

I'm like a new Core 2 Extreme.... I'm a good multi-tasker :)

DFM

10-10-2006, 08:42 AM

Epic Mount.

GARUD

10-10-2006, 09:47 AM

It's a quest that can be done many times over. However, you must reach Jawaii first...

P-Sleazy

10-10-2006, 09:48 AM

Up down up down left right left right A B select start

I take it thats the cheet from Gradius 3?

on another note

SQUARE, RIGHT, SQUARE, SQUARE, L2, X, TRIANGLE, X, TRIANGLE

Both Bob and Ecurt cheat to get women or cheat on their women with other women.

Edit: As for my sex life...lets leave it at one word, PWNED!

shiney

10-10-2006, 09:52 AM

Um..

HOW I MINE FOR FISH

Mannix

10-10-2006, 10:21 AM

hack-and-slash

no no wait!!!!

first person shooter

I take it thats the cheat from Gradius 3?

It's the Konami Code, used in pretty much every NES game they ever made.

The Wandering God

10-10-2006, 10:28 AM

Um..

HOW I MINE FOR FISH
Never under any circumstances refer to your partner as anything vaguely aquatic. I've learned this the hard way.

As for me...

I've just completed a raid. And once the server is done refreshing, my performance will be even better.

The Wandering God

Mirai Gen

10-10-2006, 12:07 PM

Um..

HOW I MINE FOR FISH
Whatever this means, I'm positive there's pictures of it on the internet.

Meister

10-10-2006, 12:19 PM

Epic Mount.
HOW I MINE FOR FISH
DFM shiney wins this thread.

Long-Haired Narcissist

10-10-2006, 12:51 PM

Here's a more accurate depiction of my sex life. It's an ET game for the Atari.

The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk

10-10-2006, 01:19 PM

Turn-based.

Mirai Gen

10-10-2006, 02:22 PM

It's a puzzle game?

First person shooter?

Roleplaying game <---FTW

Patrat

10-10-2006, 02:26 PM

Bad graphics, and severly laggy.

Lockeownzj00

10-10-2006, 02:31 PM

The game I'm playing has a lot of jaggies, and I can't tell whether or not it's worth it yet, but the er. Minigames. Are extremely satisfying.

Myst

10-10-2006, 02:38 PM

Great game, but not Wii compatible...

G.I.R.

10-10-2006, 02:55 PM

Lfg!

subreci

10-10-2006, 03:06 PM

I lost my controllers, and my computer has a virus.

Lightguy

10-10-2006, 04:17 PM

My princess is in another castle.

PipBoy

10-10-2006, 04:17 PM

Kind of like metal gear solid. It plays awesome at first, but before you can get to the climax, there's endless exposition and all you get for your trouble is some weird disease.

TheSpacePope

10-10-2006, 04:24 PM

I take it thats the cheet from Gradius 3?
More like Contra.

I can't believe that you didn't know it.

Fenris

10-10-2006, 04:33 PM

Ah, I thought of another one.

1 player.

Robert Paulson

10-10-2006, 04:43 PM

I got a pocket full of quarters, but I can't find a single coin-op arcade game that isn't already being played by someone else.

Mirai Gen

10-10-2006, 06:49 PM

Half of my encounters are at least twice my level.

There's got to be a patch to fix this somewhere.

mammothtank

10-10-2006, 06:52 PM

Loading. Please wait...

Mr.Bookworm

10-10-2006, 07:18 PM

You are to young to buy that game. Please come back in five years.

Sir Pinkleton

10-10-2006, 08:01 PM

Your charisma level is too low.

KaitlynAriana

10-10-2006, 08:18 PM

My sword broke in battle. I then lost control and accidentally killed the Princess, terminating all chances of finishing the game.

Lockeownzj00

10-10-2006, 08:39 PM

There's got to be a patch to fix this somewhere.

Why would you want to fix this? Unless you're level 40. And unless you mean, they're twice your level, and therefore can't even come close to them.

Come on man. EXPLOITS. They're in there somewhere.

Omgitshim

10-10-2006, 08:41 PM

What is your name:_

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Massacre

10-10-2006, 09:01 PM

Here's one...

My joystick gets alot of use from player's one AND two.

Inbred Chocobo

10-10-2006, 09:48 PM

Will Dance 4 gil!

Regulus Tera

10-10-2006, 10:06 PM

If anything else fails, use fire.

greed

10-10-2006, 11:14 PM

I'm so surprised someone hasn't tried to connect their penis size to Cloud's sword yet. Spose everyone knows that would be met with a horde of "compensating" jokes.

For me
"Can't find anyone to party with"

Or

"Soloing the culvert at level 17"

"Multiplayer has yet to be unlocked"

"Vit swordsman"

Or assorted Wii jokes.

Oh and that Konami cheat originated in Gradius 1, it just got famous with Contra.

ElfLad

10-10-2006, 11:25 PM

Eh, I'll probably wait a while before I play that game.

Death by Stabbing

10-11-2006, 12:35 AM

Let's just say I should rule with the Wii controler...you only need one hand for it. Good strong wrists that's the key...finally a controler for a lonely gamer...Nintendo sure throught of everything this time....including 3rd party support!

Mondt

10-11-2006, 01:19 AM

I'm not legally allowed to buy AO rated games.

Captain Hat

10-11-2006, 03:46 AM

Half of my encounters are at least twice my level.

There's got to be a patch to fix this somewhere.
They're probably not, actually. Are you sticking around to actually play the encounter or are you just constantly hitting "Flee" because they look scary? Like I say, a lot of the encounters, PCs and NPCs alike, in Real Life 1.0 look a lot higher level than they actually are. Any potential patch would only swap the avatars about a bit, but it's not a gameplay issue of any real import.

I mean, I keep getting hit up by fairly low-level critters. The fact that they look high-level can be a bit daunting at first, but since I learned the "Intelligent Conversation" attack mode I've had very little trouble dismissing them.

Melfice

10-11-2006, 08:11 AM

So far, there's only a single player function, but there are rumours of a two-player mode being added.

pictish

10-11-2006, 09:45 AM

I had a German copy of the game, but the censorship standards were ridiculous.

Mirai Gen

10-11-2006, 12:28 PM

They're probably not, actually. Are you sticking around to actually play the encounter or are you just constantly hitting "Flee" because they look scary? Like I say, a lot of the encounters, PCs and NPCs alike, in Real Life 1.0 look a lot higher level than they actually are. Any potential patch would only swap the avatars about a bit, but it's not a gameplay issue of any real import.

I mean, I keep getting hit up by fairly low-level critters. The fact that they look high-level can be a bit daunting at first, but since I learned the "Intelligent Conversation" attack mode I've had very little trouble dismissing them.
No, like, everything I encounter can kill me in one hit. None of them are ready to attack, but every time I encounter them for a few moments it's dangerously clear I can't handle them by myself.

My only choice is a strategic withdrawl.

Axl

10-11-2006, 01:45 PM

I was just invited over for a cup of coffee.

Aeryn Sol

10-11-2006, 01:55 PM

Damn, the ones I was going to use are already taken- ostensibly stolen by the telepathic ninja imps in my computer.

How about... "Not backwards compatible"?

Dunxco

10-11-2006, 02:05 PM

I believe the correct phrase for mine would be "Windows has encountered a problem with Sex, and needs to close. We apologise for any inconvenience."

Mirai Gen

10-11-2006, 02:48 PM

This sexual encounter has performed an illegal operation and must be shut down.

FTW

DavidG

10-11-2006, 05:03 PM

I Am Error

(Should I be surprised that most of the replies in here are negative?)

Dunxco

10-11-2006, 05:14 PM

This sexual encounter has performed an illegal operation and must be shut down.

FTW

It's legal in England mate :p

Flarecobra

10-11-2006, 06:07 PM

(Should I be surprised that most of the replies in here are negative?)

Actually, mine says no one is allowed to plug into me. IE no males for me.

Khael!

10-11-2006, 06:39 PM

The gaming console... I can't seem to turn it on...

And one for Debora: "I need an adapter!"

Althane

10-11-2006, 06:42 PM

A FPS without an internet connection.

Wait, that's illegal.

Er, 404: Server cannot be found.
Wait, that's not original...

Scratched disk..

Wait, someone might think I'm damaged...

The Network could not be found, please try again in 18 years.

o.O??

....

Yeah, even RPG heroes get more action than I do.

The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk

10-11-2006, 06:52 PM

It's a fast paced action-adventure with Bemani sections!

Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope

10-11-2006, 08:24 PM

Soloing

Captain Hat

10-11-2006, 09:34 PM

No, like, everything I encounter can kill me in one hit. None of them are ready to attack, but every time I encounter them for a few moments it's dangerously clear I can't handle them by myself.

My only choice is a strategic withdrawl.
One hit? Bloody Hell, what did you do to your CHA score? Seriously, most of the saves you'll be required to make are Charisma-based, but you HAVE to remember that your CHA score isn't just about physical attractiveness but also strength of character. Otherwise you end up calculating it well below its actual point- and, for that matter, overcalculating a lot of other peoples', too. Worse, the REALLY powerful encounters will take you by surprise, because they aren't usually the most dangerous-looking.

Seems to me like you've just miscalculated your own character sheet. Where do most of your encounters take place? Maybe you're just hunting the wrong maps...

PCD

10-11-2006, 09:39 PM

"Not a gamer. At all."

Kikuichimonji

10-11-2006, 09:46 PM

It's like everyone on my server is the same class as me and I can't find anyone to party with. I mean, sure, I guess I could switch servers, but that's such a hassle, especially since the new version is coming out next year anyway. I might as well stay with what I got.

UberYoshi

10-11-2006, 10:01 PM

I'm a pokemon master!;)

Jeneralissimo

10-11-2006, 10:09 PM

I'm a pokemon master!

So you're a furry?

Azisien

10-11-2006, 10:21 PM

So you're a furry?

Well he rapes animals, at the very least. But I digress, the man has balls.

Lady Cygnet

10-11-2006, 11:21 PM

Well, now I had to uninstall the software and send the game back to the manufacturer because the program was incompatible with my OS...and it came bundled with AOL 9.0 and spyware.

UberYoshi

10-11-2006, 11:43 PM

So you're a furry?
Huh, Furry wha?

Demetrius

10-12-2006, 12:32 AM

Bah this sucks; I can afford almost any game I want, but being on night shift I'm working when all the stores are open!!

Satan's Onion

10-12-2006, 01:43 AM

I haven't actually met a single third-party programmer willing to have a go with this console :sweatdrop . It's quite frustrating--is the coding too complex? Is it not cost-effective for them? What? Maybe it's all the extra features and technology--most programmers just wanna get right into the nitty-gritty, not mess about with music or movies. I hope I find a decent company soon, tho', 'cos my in-house games are, well...they're nothing to base a fiscal year on, that's for damn sure. But then, we all know there's nothing like having someone with the skills doing it with you; it's just not as much fun doing all the work yourself...

Holy shit, my sex life is kinda like the PS3. Except it's getting more action than I am ^^' .

Mirai Gen

10-12-2006, 03:35 AM

One hit? Bloody Hell, what did you do to your CHA score? Seriously, most of the saves you'll be required to make are Charisma-based, but you HAVE to remember that your CHA score isn't just about physical attractiveness but also strength of character. Otherwise you end up calculating it well below its actual point- and, for that matter, overcalculating a lot of other peoples', too. Worse, the REALLY powerful encounters will take you by surprise, because they aren't usually the most dangerous-looking.

Seems to me like you've just miscalculated your own character sheet. Where do most of your encounters take place? Maybe you're just hunting the wrong maps...
Perhaps. I think that I might just have to wait until I level up, then I can go to a different zone and see if it's got some prime targets. I should level up in a simester or two.

I have had my share of kills, it's just been a string of red-elites every step of the way. Every other one is too high level for me to attempt take by myself. Okay, there was that one girl, but she was, like, level 16. It gave me that "illegal operation" screen.

This thread rocks.

Bob The Mercenary

10-12-2006, 09:02 PM

I have had my share of kills, it's just been a string of red-elites every step of the way. Every other one is too high level for me to attempt take by myself. Okay, there was that one girl, but she was, like, level 16. It gave me that "illegal operation" screen.

That's why I like to gank lowbies.

Khael!

10-12-2006, 09:17 PM

Man, if I ever bothered with online gaming, I could totally bwn anybody.

...why the hell don't I!?

TheSpacePope

10-12-2006, 09:53 PM

Negatives are easy.
Try finding a funny positive one.

mission complete?
Congratulations?
Level up?
I Pwn Pussy?
I am an l33t fuxorz?
My girlfriend is lying on the couch unsatisfied because I post Here?
We might be able to find one yet boys and girls.

Khael!

10-12-2006, 10:01 PM

Bet I could bwn you if I wanted to.

Bob The Mercenary

10-12-2006, 10:26 PM

They started out nice and ambiguous. Now they seem to be decaying into blatant innuendo. Keep the posts 13+ please. :D

RapidTrigger

10-12-2006, 11:05 PM

-for dissapointing times-

I make a ton of progress in one night and then I wake up to find the player data was not saved to memory...

-or, happy wise-

I log on one night just to screw around for a bit, but an awesome party ends up forming around me and keeping me up late into the wee hours of the morning. After alot of great grinding, we all go home with something pretty.

Azisien

10-12-2006, 11:07 PM

IRLQ_NOT_LESS_OR_EQUAL

What the fuck does that mean?!

Captain Hat

10-13-2006, 05:19 AM

That's why I like to gank lowbies.Meh. You don't get much EXP from that, and there's always the nasty possibility of CON damage. Besides which, for a Lawful Good alignment-dependent character class like mine, that sort of thing is character suicide.

katsielyonz

10-13-2006, 12:22 PM

I'll play with your Wii if you play with mine. Limited users only.

Khael!

10-13-2006, 01:36 PM

Originally posted by Captain Hat:
Meh. You don't get much EXP from that, and there's always the nasty possibility of CON damage. Besides which, for a Lawful Good alignment-dependent character class like mine, that sort of thing is character suicide.

That's why I like being True/Chaotic Neutral. You can try all sorts of interesting tactics without hurting your class progression. Maintaining loyalty with just one adventure party can be tricky though.

Bells

10-13-2006, 07:46 PM

Actually, mine says no one is allowed to plug into me. IE no males for me.

So let see just how bad can i go at this one...

So, your controler is totally Infra-red compatible!

Your sex life is like any "The Sims 2" game played by a guy at least one time...

Your cloud is always in a dress!

DavidG

10-15-2006, 01:07 AM

Actually, mine says no one is allowed to plug into me. IE no males for me.I suggest some kind of "wireless" comment, then.

Evil Ted

10-15-2006, 01:12 AM

Any thing is posible with Cheet Codes

Long-Haired Narcissist

10-15-2006, 01:52 AM

Decent single player mode but no replay value or multiplayer.

Mirai Gen

10-15-2006, 03:41 AM

Decent single player mode but no replay value or multiplayer.
There is so much incorrectness about that.

No replay value? You actually get bored of the single play? I like the whole free-roam sandbox thing alot.

Bells

10-15-2006, 04:17 AM

There is so much incorrectness about that.

No replay value? You actually get bored of the single play? I like the whole free-roam sandbox thing alot.
oh and THAT is correct?!

UH!! UH!! i just remenbered one more for flare cobra!

RUMBLE PACK USER!!!

Red Mage Black

10-15-2006, 04:48 AM

Computer Terms: Lack of software to function.

Game Terms: Still one player joystick.

RPG Terms: I come for the treasure but the hero already stole it.

In one swift sentence, I'm a loser who still has trouble talking to girls and has minimal 1% chance of even hitting 2nd base and the saddest part is... I've never had a first kiss.

So sex life equals non existant.

TheBlindMime

10-15-2006, 05:30 AM

I have the gamecube and I play it often but I'd really rather have the Wii.

Marinan

10-15-2006, 09:07 AM

Computer Terms: The orcs didn't rape women when they attacked the village, they chose a more unlikely target.

Game Terms: I had the Triforce of Power but I've been backstabbed by fairies.

RPG Terms: I chose the wizard as my core class but I've been skull fucked.

Vaij

10-15-2006, 10:44 AM

Someone cast Berserk on me. Now I must empty my Limit Guage many times a day.

UberYoshi

10-15-2006, 11:21 AM

Nikose Tyris

10-15-2006, 11:25 AM

Update:

In pinball terms: Double ball bonus.

<3

The_Bear

10-15-2006, 02:01 PM

Magic terms: The metagame changes too much for me to know which deck is most effective.

VG terms: Single Player record (w=eleventy bazillion : l=0) Multiplayer record (w=0 : l=0)

The AI isn't very challenging.

Mirai Gen

10-15-2006, 02:11 PM

RUMBLE PACK USER!!!
That had to be said.

Living Bobbeh

10-15-2006, 03:00 PM

I need to level up a bit more before it's legal

Marinan

10-15-2006, 06:29 PM

No. I'm saying I've been shafted by Destiny in all orifices. I'm not gay.

Evil Ted

10-15-2006, 08:48 PM

It has a legacy rating of 5/5, but a cusomization rating of 1/5.

dementedmongoose

10-15-2006, 10:09 PM

Everything I needed came with my Xbox, I played for a little while by myself after I found the games hidden waaaay down in the bottom of the box, then I hooked up my live connection, but after a while my connection piddled out and I'm stuck playing one player again.

Long-Haired Narcissist

10-15-2006, 10:21 PM

There is so much incorrectness about that.

No replay value? You actually get bored of the single play? I like the whole free-roam sandbox thing alot.No matter what the graphics look like in the single player game, you can't say that it has real replay value. I'm still looking everywhere for a second controller though.

Stabitas

10-16-2006, 08:08 AM

Like Myst: fun to take your time and figure out the right way to do things!

Selfish

10-16-2006, 08:45 AM

Virtual reality with lag.

The Wandering God

10-16-2006, 10:21 AM

I have to share the system and the other player keeps hogging it. Except when we have those rare multiplayer sessions.

>.>

The Wandering God

TBrauns

10-16-2006, 10:30 AM

(My Girlfriend) crits (My Crotch) for 9999.
In Shakespearean terms, you die.

Or, if you like...

...I've connected to a lot of network games, but the one I'm currently using blows my mind on a nightly basis, and apparently I do the same to it. No latency, I never need to wait for a connection. I query the server and it's always up and willing to play.

Captain Hat

10-16-2006, 12:49 PM

That's why I like being True/Chaotic Neutral. You can try all sorts of interesting tactics without hurting your class progression. Maintaining loyalty with just one adventure party can be tricky though.
Honestly, I'm often glad of my alignment restrictions. I see so many people who've taken massive CON damage after bing Poisoned by low-level critters with the Venom Tongue or Disease skills, I'd much rather stick to a party I know and fight at my own level. It's harder work, sure, but infinitely more rewarding in the end.