Blood and Chocolate

[Mirai Gen]

So. (http://www.apple.com/trailers/mgm/bloodandchocolate/trailer/)

From the producers of Underworld comes a movie that may as well be called Underworld 3: Another Shitty White Wolf Story. This movie's trailer is the main reason I wish that film makers would sit in the theatres during the previews and judge the audience's reaction. Not a single person wasn't laughing when the movie's title showed up.

There's even a pop single by another Britney Spears/Hilary Duff/Jessica Simpson/Whatever Thenameis clone played during the big action scene.

I suppose it wouldn't be so laughable if it wasn't for the fact that the name alone, said by the really deep-voiced movie trailer guy, sounds just absurd.

Thoughts?

[Kroze Gamegod]

Actually this would be Underworld 4 thanks to the crappy other movie they just put out that almost has the exact same trailer... its called The Covenant...

Why do they keep allowing them to make these types of films and killing my love for Supernatural beings?

[Mr.Bookworm]

I think the basic thought process behind these movies is, CHICKS SKIMPY OUTFITS TIGHT LEATHER BLOOD ACTION MONSTERS DOLLARS MAYBE UWE BOLL. Yes, guys, but think of the werewolves!

That said, I would rather see "Blood and Chocalate" than any of Uwe Boll's stuff.

I actually typed out a long inane rant about these movies, but deleted after considering that you've probably heard it before.

[Krylo]

The song was actually by Within Temptation, a relatively unknown band that has all the fame of... um... like two music videos on Youtube and a few 'spankin' new' video spots on MTV. In other words, pretty much the opposite of all the bands you listed. I mean they're a dutch gothic band (http://www.within-temptation.com/). I don't think it's physically possible to get further from Duff et. al. than a dutch gothic band.

Also, honestly, it looks better than about 90% of what Hollywood (http://www.imdb.com/Recent/USA) pumps out these days (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0899218/).

P.S. The chick wasn't that hot and I saw no skimpy and/or leather outfits at ALL. Please watch the trailer before going on inane rants.

Edit: Upon rewatching, is that Edward Norton being eaten by wolves?

[Azisien]

Okay, the name probably could have gone to the board room a few more times....

And yes, it does look like shit. Though I really liked the first Underworld, as most sequels go, the second was suck.

Now Hollywood doesn't seem to be releasing a whole lot of great movies these days, though I'm not so sure they were doing it that often 10 years ago, especially now that I'm no longer able to enjoy the cheesy ones made for and liked by 8-13 year olds. But hey, Blood Diamond was amazing. :D

[Bells]

Ok... the title has NOTHING to do with the movie so far...
Why not Bloody Moon? Sound so much better... i mean...everybody sounds British or French expect for the "Handsome poor american artist" ...

But i would like to point out that this is not bad...

This is:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0770731/

Chubby Killer

A group of friends celebrating a birthday are attacked on a deserted road, a cemetery and in the middle of the woods by someone targeting overweight individuals.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0765430/

American Zombie

Pic documents the daily lives of a small community of the living deceased who make their home in Los Angeles.

[BlackMageGirl!]

And to add on to what Krylo was saying, it's actually more accurate to compare them to Evanescence than to any pop singer.

...or to say that Evanescence came AFTER Within Temptation, so they're really a thing on their own instead of some generic band. :B

Moving on, the whole movie idea seems to be based (very) loosely off a book called "Blood and Chocolate" by Annette Curtis Klause. It's not hard to see them take it this way, 'cause the original was about a teenager girl who liked a guy but had the wolf leader after her. ...and had the guy freak out when he found her secret and run off, leaving her to see how much the wolf guy actually cared. And that sort of ending gets rid of the whole "defying the clan and traditions blah blah excitement run away fight whee" thing in this movie.

What I WILL agree on, though, is that it looks cliche'd and the same stuff in a different mold. -_-

Edit: To explain about the title, in the book the chick compared the kisses of her human lover as chocolate. Sweet and very desirable. The blood thing is, of course, the werewolf blood running through her veins. Thus the title "Blood and Chocolate"

[Mirai Gen]

Ah, I retract my statement about the pop single thing. Within Temptation's actually quite good. I hadn't recognized them. My mistake.

...but it doesn't change the fact that this movie is going to rank pretty high on the Dumb Shit 'O Meter.
Edit: To explain about the title, in the book the chick compared the kisses of her human lover as chocolate. Sweet and very desirable. The blood thing is, of course, the werewolf blood running through her veins. Thus the title "Blood and Chocolate"
That's the literal explanation, but still....look, anyone can do that.

See, Snakes on a Plane is about Samuel L Jackson going on a plane. Someone's trying to kill him, so they put snakes on it. Thus the title, "Snakes on a Plane."

I understand where the movie came from, but why they passed it at that board meeting still goes right by me.

EDIT: It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that the swimming movie 'inspirational coach' themed "Pride" trailer was on just before it. (I was seeing Rocky Balboa.) I mean, talk about just recycled.

[BlackMageGirl!]

...

When you look at the movie, Mirai, the title DOESN'T make sense.

I already explained why the movie was based off of a book, so I explained the reason for the novel's title. Because, I mean, there's no reference to Chocolate at all in the trailer even though there is reference to blood. :B

[Krylo]

I DEMAND AN ANSWER:
Edit: Upon rewatching, is that Edward Norton being eaten by wolves?

Because, seriously, that alone would make the movie worth seeing. I mean, Norton is awesome and all, but who doesn't wanna see the guy from Fight Club get eaten by wolves? This is Jack's throat being ripped out by werewolves.

[Mirai Gen]

...

When you look at the movie, Mirai, the title DOESN'T make sense.

I already explained why the movie was based off of a book, so I explained the reason for the novel's title. Because, I mean, there's no reference to Chocolate at all in the trailer even though there is reference to blood. :B
I had kind of guessed that the movie's name was in reference to sweet love and romance as well as the blood and lineage and hunting of wolves mixed in, so I had assumed something like that was meaning "Blood" and "Chocolate." I suppose I did fly off the handle a bit to make fun of the statement, and I apologize.

It was just too tempting to toss that reference to Snakes on a Plane in.

DEMANDING ANSWERS
I guess not, Krylo. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0397044/fullcredits)

[Krylo]

That's lame.

Totally looked like him, though, right? Or am I just going crazy?

[xravi]

New age wearwolfs? Now they need a new age frankstien......

[POS Industries]

Now they need a new age frankstien......

I dunno.... After a good 45 seconds of scouring Google, this is the only clear image a could find of anyone named Frank Stien.

http://student.grm.hia.no/master/ikt97/it6401/postere/Per_files/image004.jpg

I mean, I guess you could make a move about him, but I wouldn't be that interested...

As for the movie in question: Out of everything, I was most displeased that they decided to just get a bunch of regular ol' wolves instead of making some damn werewolf-looking werewolves! These are monsters, not a bunch of guys that turn into doggies! I mean, yeah, a pack of wolves can rip you to shreds, but that's just standard wolf scary. Werewolves are a whole other matter, and should be treated as such.

My point is that they should be a bunch of guys in crappy werewolf costumes running around in the woods for two hours.

[Tydeus]

That's lame.

Totally looked like him, though, right? Or am I just going crazy?
Going?

Seriously though, it's unfortunate, because I also would see it if it were Norton. I mean, does it get much sexier? Ever? Ed Norton as Neo-Nazi = Sexsplosion.

About crappy movies in general though: I don't understand what Hollywood is thinking. They complain about poor revenue, then they release shitty movies, every last one of which is a fucking adaptation (and, let's be honest -- adaptations are hard to do right. So, really not the best kernel for a movie, generally).

...

What's so mystifying about the loss of revenue, again? I mean, really, you're telling me that thousands of people who do nothing but try to gauge the average American's likes and dislikes and fantasies can't figure out that crappy movies won't make as much money? Really?

No, I guess it couldn't be the low quality of their products -- it has to be piracy. Damn those internets! And those hoodlum youths! Why must they always raise hell in such a rowdy, and/or unorthodox manner? Harumph, I say!

[Mirai Gen]

You just answered your own question, Tyde.

EDIT: Yeah, it did look like him second time I watched the trailer.

[Bells]

These are monsters, not a bunch of guys that turn into doggies!

These are French and British werewolfs!

[POS Industries]

These are French and British werewolfs!

So, what, the American werewolves that ran amok in London (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082010/) and Paris (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118604/) are just some sort of local Yank breed or something?

[Darth SS]

You know that guy that said, "Hey, we should name the Revolution the Wii."


I think we just found his new job.

I think we need more titles like "Snakes on a Plane." We need titles that are a synopsis of the movie. "Blood and Chocolate." What does that tell you? Nothing.

It should more properly be named "Conflicted Werewolf" Or even better "Conflicted Werewolf in heat."

[Fifthfiend]

P.S. The chick wasn't that hot and I saw no skimpy and/or leather outfits at ALL.

Oh man.

I mean why on earth would they go and make a shitty werewolf movie, and leave out any of the actual reasons anyone would ever go and see a shitty werewolf movie?

[Darth SS]

They're hoping that Bestiality lovers will go see it?

[POS Industries]

I can tell you right now they already failed at tha--er, I mean... Bestiality, man, that's crazy! Ha ha ha....

[Demetrius]

When I saw the trailer (also watching Rocky) I initially though,"Crappy cool!! They are making Wolfs Rai-- nope nevermind...WTF?" and that was really about it.

Also, POS you are a sick, sick puppy... nyuck nyuck!

[Bells]

So, what, the American werewolves that ran amok in London (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082010/) and Paris (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118604/) are just some sort of local Yank breed or something?

Those were Furries!... and they were in france, so its 50% granted to the French Weredoggies

[Tydeus]

Those were Furries!... and they were in france, so its 50% granted to the French Weredoggies

Heh. Attack of the Furries! People in animal costumes running wild in the night, assaulting innocent bystanders with vaguely creepy, non-penetrative sexual rubbing! Eeek! Run for the hills! The Furries rule the night!

...

Our society provides people with way too much free time.

[Demetrius]

Our society provides people with way too much free time.

Tell me about it, I'm at work and I think I've moved twice in the last 6 hours...

I'll still see the movie in hopes of leather clad hotties or a t least one bad ass ass kicking or something.

[Tydeus]

I'll still see the movie in hopes of leather clad hotties or a t least one badass ass-kicking or something.

There -- I fixed it for you.

I don't know -- honestly, I'm gonna need some better evidence to suggest that there might be such leater-clad hotness, or badassery, because there seemed to be something of a dearth of both of those elements in the trailer.

I mean, if you're gonna make a shitty movie (in terms of craftsmanship -- i.e., bad acting/directing/editing/writing/etc) there better be some cars that turn into robots, or perhaps rings, which may or may not fall into the hands of evil lords, in turn causing wanton destruction of all things good and fuzzy.

I mean, really, you gotta have one or the other for me to get my ass out of bed and go see your movie.

Oh, or hotness. Yeah. I forgot about that. But still, then it's a rental. So I can view it alone. If you get my drift. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. Say no more, say no more!

[Demetrius]

I hope this isn't an attempt at a touchy feely chick flick kind of a Underworld clone, 'cause then I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

Yeah, yeah, punctuation. Bleh!

[phil_]

I mean, if you're gonna make a shitty movie (in terms of craftsmanship -- i.e., bad acting/directing/editing/writing/etc) there better be some cars that turn into robots, or perhaps rings, which may or may not fall into the hands of evil lords, in turn causing wanton destruction of all things good and fuzzy.Dude, you did not just call the Lord of the Rings movies shitty. While it could be debatable whether they're great movies or just ok (and it's accepted, I think, that the books are better), they certainly can not be lumped together with Underworld and the subject of this thread.

I mean, seriously, the way that chick delivers, "Go to Hell," in the preview, you know this movie's going to be a waste of an hour. Yes, it's such bad delivery that I'm prejudging the whole movie based on it (also, it's the only part of the trailer I've seen, as I was poking my head in the theater to check for miscreants).

Still, I'm sure it won't be as offensive as Aeon Flux. Nothing could be.

[Mirai Gen]

I mean, if you're gonna make a shitty movie (in terms of craftsmanship -- i.e., bad acting/directing/editing/writing/etc) there better be some cars that turn into robots, or perhaps rings, which may or may not fall into the hands of evil lords, in turn causing wanton destruction of all things good and fuzzy.
Hey, Transformers '07 might not be terrible. If you ignore the Brown interpretation of The Transformers (Which is actually kind of cool to see in a new light), the movie right now has gone through six or seven writers and they've approved most of the script.

And yeah, I don't see how you can possibly lump Lord of the Rings with this movie or Underworld 2. Underworld was okay. Lord of the Rings was good.

As for me, I have a Carnifex to paint.

[Tydeus]

Hey, Transformers '07 might not be terrible. If you ignore the Brown interpretation of The Transformers (Which is actually kind of cool to see in a new light), the movie right now has gone through six or seven writers and they've approved most of the script.

I'm hoping. I'm hoping so desperately. Nightly, I undergo a ritual of self-flagellation in the vain hope that my blood sacrifice will please the gods of film adaptation, and compel them to smile upon us all.

And yeah, I don't see how you can possibly lump Lord of the Rings with this movie or Underworld 2. Underworld was okay. Lord of the Rings was good.

Like I made explicitly clear -- LOTR is shitty only in terms of craftsmanship. Acting, directing, editing, writing, etc. It's enjoyable as fuck, and thankfully there's a great plot behind it all (no thanks to anyone living, of course), but it's crap in basically all respects other than (A) the general plot, and (B) art direction. So, all the superficial stuff is really fucking excellent, and in turn, you get a really enjoyable way to spend ten hours. But it's not good. See what I mean?

Basically, LOTR, like Underworld 2, is very poorly crafted. Underworld 2 is not enjoyable however, because it doesn't involve Sauron, nor did it have amazing, mind-blowing art direction. But, ultimately, both are equally anemic on any level beyond how pretty and/or badass it looks.