Quotes!

[Kerr]

Hey humanoids, reptiloids, fishoids, walking treeoids and super-intelligent shades of the colour blue! How the Merp are you all doing?
After sitting staring at the post new thread window for what seems like a millennia and a bit, ah've decided to ask…
What is your favourite quote? 8-bit or otherwise?

But what about mine, I hear you cry? I have thousands, but; if I had to whittle it down to just one...
Well. One. Impossible. Can we settle for two from one person?

"Life has no meaning any more does it? The wine has no taste, the food sickens you, there seems no reason for any of it, does there? But what if I could give it back to you. Pluck out the pain, and give you another life, one you could never imagine, and it would be for all time. And sickness and death could never touch you again. Don't be afraid, I'm going to give you the choice, I, never, had."
~Lestat De Lioncourt

"Evil is a point of view, God kills indiscriminately, and so shall we. For no creatures under god are as we are none so like him as our selves"
~Lestat De Lioncourt

[Introduction]

"If you work hard you can achieve great things! And then you die." ~ Dilbert's Boss

"I'll defeat you with everything that I am!" ~ Sanosuke

[Campincarl]

"So I cut things up and we win, I think I can handle that"- Rikku FFX-2

[thirteen_swords]

"those who think they know it all annoy those of us who do!"
"there are some people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and i HATE people like that!"
"it's difficult working in groups when you're omnipotent."
"in my expert medical opinion, i'd say... it's sick."
"sir, i object! i am NOT a merry man!"

the list goes on...
i will give you more as i remember them...

[Joe Falco]

I like to keep my favorite quotes in my sig for these kind of threads. :D

[Kaldar]

"Yes, but....your face is stupid!"

That's my favorite BM quote...I don't know why, it just calls to me...

[Deathosaurus Wrecks]

"Thats not the point, the fact of the matter is that Pepperoni Pizza man ate himself to death." -Me

"When I say 'Run like fuck and commit assult on a police officer several times,' run like fuck and commit assult ona police officer several times." -Channon Yarrow (Transmetropolitan)

"God, it appeared, had anointed Hellen McCready Life's Great Victim. The rest of us could step out of line now. The competition was over." -Denis Lehane (Gone Baby Gone)

"MY BUISNESS, IS DONE!"
"Who takes three hours to go to the bathroom...Before lunch?"
"Nonsense, there was much to do. SO MUCH!" -Zim and Dib (Invader Zim)

(just thought of another one)
"The first mission is destruction."
"It gets finishing." -Armored Core 2 strategy guide

[The_Phat_G]

"Hey there sexy mama... You wanna kill all humans?"
-Bender

"Wuv? What is this "Wuv"?"
"I think you mean "love"?"
"NO! It is spelled "Wuv!" With a W!"
"This concept of "Wuv" confuses and infuriates us! Destroy them!"
-Aliens from Futurama on those little heart candies that say cheesy shit

"If I had a choice between food and sex right now, I'd choose.... Well, I'd choose sex, but I'm really hungry!"
-My friend cuz he didn't have lunch that day

[Campincarl]

"I don't have anger problems I have idiot problems"- Hank Hill

"Now the kilt was only for day-to-day wear. In battle we donned full-length ball gowns covered in sequins. The idea was to blind your opponent with luxury!" -Groundskeeper Willie

[Blaq]

http://www.angelfire.com/magic2/blaq/B-rate_Goth.gif
http://www.angelfire.com/magic2/blaq/Failed_suicide.gif
http://www.angelfire.com/magic2/blaq/Goths_in_space.gif
http://www.angelfire.com/magic2/blaq/Little_brother_goth.gif
All from Voltaire (http://www.voltaire.net)

[Jack of Spades]

"NyQuil has the best thing I've ever read on a medicine bottle 180proof"
Lewis Black


There is a big difference between DayQuil and NyQuil. NyQuil has sedatives so you can go to sleep. DayQuil has Stimulants that keep you up till the crack of dawn. How do I know this you ask? Last night I was coughing and we were out of nyquil so I used dayquil. I was awake till 3 in the morning, I couldn't let myself go to sleep then because I'd never wake up for school so I took more dayquil. Today I've been kept awake on dayquil and dayquill alone. Maybe tonight I'll get some sleep. :o

[Sax]

""Education is the movement from darkness to light."
-Allan Bloom"

I'd have more amusing but I'm lazy.

[Miso Beno]

"Why you throw chip?"

[The Werewolf Lord]

Believe it or not you piece of shit, you're still gonna burn! ----- Tank, the Matrix

I like swords! ----- :fighter:

Look at me, I'm a speck of sand. And I'm building dreams in a stranger's land. Tell me why do I care. ----- some song I heard many years ago

No shit Sherlock ----- I can't remember

C is for cookie ------ Sesame Street

I got a good excuse! I'm a geek!!! ----- I say that a lot... I do stupid things all the time

[Campincarl]

"w00t is v00t without the accent"- my friend Ham(no that's not his real name

""You're the king? Well I didn't vote for you"- Pesent for Monty Python and the Holy Grail

[Chrono_Traveller]

"She turned me into a newt! ... I got betta'." - Search for the Holy Grail

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." - Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Douglas Adams

[Kirby Pufocia]

"Life blows, if you have the cash."

[Dona Maria]

"To sleep, perchance to dream. Aye, there's the rub. For in that sleep of death what dreams may come" -William Shakespeare

"Girls can't resist a guy with a sparkley" - The Secret of Nhym

"You're so deviously evil...I love it!" Masquerade

[Derek R.]

"Good? Bad? I'm the guy with the Gun." -Army of Darkness

[Campincarl]

"Life without a head kinda makes me Irritated"-Weird Al "Complicated song"

[Lycanthrope]

"We're so non-explosive, we have explosives in their boats!"--A friend imitating the zhentrim in DND after they rolled a one on detecting the bomb he put in their longboat

"Wow, I'm a toilet And I don't exist!"

[happy noddle boy]

Another Dilbert quote

"Dead meat is redundant. Once something is classified as meat it rarely recovers."

And a Kefka quote:

`Welcome to my barbeque! Run, run, run, or you'll be well done!'

[Beowolf]

The sword of justice has no scabbord.

[Lycanthrope]

"And who cares if their souls weren't shaved/ they went to their maker impecably shaved"

"Mrs. Lovett has a pie shop. Runs a buisiness but I've noticed something wierd. Lately all the neighbor's cats have dissapeared. New horizon, enterprisn', putting pusses into pies. Wouldn't do in my shop. Just the very thoughts enough to make you sick, and I'm telling you those pussycats is quick..."

Both from Sweeny Todd (which I just saw).
Also on the subject "Oh great goodness, oh my god. We're living in a Sweeny Todd" from the Animaniacs Les Mis spoof.

[Kerr]

http://burns.thefinaldimension.org/kao/chika/chirol_oiwai.gifits my burfday! yay me :-)http://burns.thefinaldimension.org/kao/chika/chirol_oiwai.gif

[Dante]

http://burns.thefinaldimension.org/kao/chika/chirol_oiwai.gifits my burfday! yay me :-)http://burns.thefinaldimension.org/kao/chika/chirol_oiwai.gif

Yay. Congrats.

From a T-Shirt:
"Marilize Legajuana"

[Campincarl]

http://burns.thefinaldimension.org/kao/chika/chirol_oiwai.gifits my burfday! yay me :-)http://burns.thefinaldimension.org/kao/chika/chirol_oiwai.gif


Congrats,

"It's time to celebrate your birthday, it happens ever year, we'll eat a lot of broccoli and drink a lot of beer, you shouldn't be unhappy sence there's something you can eat, a million people every day are starving in the streets,

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday Happy Birthday to you,

there's poison in the water pollution in the sky I guess it won't be long before we're all gonna die"- "Happy Birthday" by Weird Al (at least i think that's wat it's called)

I'm gonna go get you a present :D

[TheZeroMan]

BACK TO THE QUOTES!

"Most folk heros started out as a criminals."

"What's a life? You're born, you live a little bit, you die." -Charolette's Web

"Potiential is nothing."

"I'm tempted to die just to get a head start on spinning in my grave."

"What about you other sister? Thats right dorthy's house landed on her."
-Duckman

“Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.” – Jerry Garcia

“No you can’t say to hell with the future, the future says to hell with you”

“Though the thought of fighting off a toasted breakfast foods will forever be a thought I favor in the playground of my mind.” -Ajax

“I’m through fighting fair, from now on I fight dirty.”

“Don’t beat me anymore… I’m running out of blood.”

“Aww don’t hurt yourself, I have the rest of my life to rub it in.”

“Frankly, I don’t care enough about you, to lie to you.”

“But I like toast. It’s the muffins that must be stopped.”

“Your words of terror impress only yourself.”

[D-Chan]

If history is to change, let it change. If the world is going to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh.
- Magus
Ebismaru: Yae, one day you're going to make someone a happy wife.
Sasuke: Why can't I do that?
(I'm not sure about that quote...But it's from Goemon)

That's all I can be bothered to put up now...more later! Maybe.

[monkey]

If anyone's interested in IRC/IM quotes, I've collected an 80-odd page word document of what I find to be the funniest quotes from bash.org (http://bash.org) which can be found here (http://www.yellocomic.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/stuff/quotes.doc) (~450kb).

[Xeno]

"One of the reds has Tex. I'm going to shoot him, and kill him, and Church will forgive me for killing him, and we will be friends."-Caboose (the best character) from Red vs Blue

"Your best? Losers are always whining about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."-Sean Connery, The Rock

"Hey, I do not fuck animals. Frankly, I find the very idea abhorrent and am insulted that you would suggest that I would ever do such a thing. I make love to animals."-Me

"Why do only our homes and children burn?!"-Random Dwarf from 8BT

"My teacher says she's tired of trying."-Ralph, from The Simpsons

More coming soon, as well as my damned avatar and sig.

[Katana]

"Niether cloud nor squall shall keep me from my love!" -Zidane, Final Fantasy IX (Hehehe. I love easter eggs like that.)

"Listen. Strange women, lying is ponds, handing swords out to people is no basis for a system of government. Supreme Executive power is derived from a mandate from the masses, not becasue some moistened bent lobbed a scimitar at you. I mean, if I went around, calling myself Emperor just because some watery tart hurled a sword at me, they'd put me away!" -Dennis, age 37; Montey Python and the Holy Grail.

"All your base belongs to us." -Where hasn't it been said?

[Campincarl]

"I must of feel asleep.- gard from Meatel Gear

[Mikorlias Zard]

"Revenge has no place in a civilised society."- The humanists.

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."- Gandhi.

"Money doesn't buy you friends, just a better clas of enemy."- Spike Milligan.

"Welcome to Corneria. Welcome to Corneria. Welcome to Corneria. Welcome to Corneria. Welcome to Corneria. Welcome to Corneria..."- Corneria Guard.

"Mmm, I love the way you smell. You smell like, formalehyde." (or something like that) -Annah from Planescape Torment.

"No, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order 'a la carte', or don't you serve fish to minors?"- Artemis Fowl from the book of the same name.

:thief: -"Say nothing if you hate swords."

(Must resist temptation) O o :fighter:

I could go on for ages, I haven't even mentioned song lyrics yet!

"Mikorlias Zard" -Mikorlias Zard

PS: Another couple of my faves are below, although the first is only a taster of a huge monologue.

[Krylo]

"It takes an idiot to do cool things. That's why they're cool."
--Haruko (In the 'next episode' talking about 'Brittle Bullet' on FLCL)

"Shouldn't we spend as much on peace as we do on war? I mean... to be fair."
"That's crazy! Peace is freely available to everybody."
"Hm... Why do we spend so much on war?"
"It costs a lot of money to kill people."
-- www.boasas.com


"They pull out a Blue Eyes White Dragon and have it attack Yugi's Ham Sandwich of Terror, or whatever, and Yugi says in this dramatic voice, "That may be, but I have Eyes of Lightning in play, reducing the damage of your Blue Eyes White Dragon (they never shorten the monster names) by half. I'm also going to play the Deadly Pork card in attack mode, giving my Ham Sandwich of Terror fifteen times its attack power. And if my luck is strong, then you've also just wet your pants."
-- www.insanityink.com


I had some more... but I forgot them now. Oh well.

[Dante]

"Bite my shiny metal ass!" - Bender, Futurama

"I grew tired of screaming battle cries. Boo will take his eyeballs once and for all. Evil, mett sword. Sword, meet EVIL!" - Minsc, Planescape:Torment

"You will die as you have lived - weak, stupid and ugly!" - Vega from SVC Chaos

"God loves you - everyone else thinks you're an asshole."
"Tragedy is when you cut your finger. Comedy is when you fall down a sewer and die."
- Various T-shirts
"This is my... BOOM-STICK!"
"Hail to the King, baby!"
"It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum... and I'm all out of gum..."

- Ash, Evil Dead series

"I'll bitch-slap yo' ass back to China!"
- The black guy from Rush Hour

"Oh my god, they killed Kenny!"
- Kyle, South Park

"Dammit woman, are you trying to kill me? I just gave you some hot loving five minues ago!"
- Chef, South Park

[Campincarl]

"Guns don't kill people I kill people"
"The President has been kidnapped by ninjas, are you a bad enough dude to rescue the President?"-Bad Dudes
"You can't use that ending you just used it over there"-Counter Stick 2
"An enemy has been reported wearing a red bandana"
"Whats a bandana look like"
"Just shoot anything without a green hat"-Stupid Ninja 3
(Counter Stick 2 and Stupid Ninja 3 can be found @ www.stickpage.com)

[Lost in Time]

"You Killed my best friend you medievil dickweed!" - Some movie.
Don't Drink and Drive, you might hit a bump and Spill you drink" - unknown
"You want a shmoke and a pancake?" - Goldmember
"He lied to us through song, I HATE when people do that" - Homer Simpson
"Run, Run, Run, you can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" - That one guy from Shrek
"Kyle's moms a big fat bitch" - Cartman
"Mmm... Boobies" - Homer Simpson

There's some I might have some more though.

[Atlas]

I'll read through the topic later. I just wanna post a quote I thought up...

"Realism sucks."

It's an actual belief of mine :)

[Deathosaurus Wrecks]

"At that time, I went down to the International House of Pancakes. Because I needed to sink my teeth into some pancakes, before they reached around and ate MY BRAINS!"

"He's the president, he has to know what the word 'is' means! It's the first verb you learn in every language, its the verb to be, its why he went out to get his winky wet!"

"Go there, stand between those two Starbucks, look at your watch. Time. Stands. Still. And if you turn this way, and look at just this Starbucks, you'll instantly think 'y'know when i turn around there can not possibly be another Starbucks behind me. No one is stupid enough to build a starbucks across from another starbucks. and if there was a just and loving god, he wouldnt allow that sort of shit to happen."

-Lewis Black (various performances)

[Sir Juno]

"Who hid those tomatoes?!"
"I hid them so Kirby wouldn't eat them."
"They look delicious." ~ Convsersation in Kirby Super Star (Revenge of The Meta Knight)

"Look, it's the traitorous king!" Nerubian
"Who Me?" Arthas
"He was taking to me, Death Knight" Anub-Arak

[Mr. Viewtiful]

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you." -Some guy

[Minor Dizaster]

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
-Jack Handy

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."
-Edgar Allan Poe

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
-Jack Handy

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
-Jack Handy

Never regret your past, because at some point it was exactly what you wanted.
-Unknown

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
-Jack Handy

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
-Mark Twain

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an Angel gets set on fire.
-Jack Handy

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
-Unknown

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
-Jack Handy

Prozak is not a happy drug.
-My best friend, Leah

If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!"
-Jack Handy

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
-Jack Handy

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
-Unknown

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
-Jack Handy

I was standing in the park, wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer. Then it hit me.
-Unknown

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.
-Jack Handy

A friend is the one who bails you out of jail when you're in trouble. A best friend is the one sitting next to you, saying "That was so cool!!"
-Me

[Dante]

"There's another word for people who use the withdrawal method of birth control - parents."

"If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's their problem."

All of the underlying from Warcraft 3. God, that game is funny.

"You wanna' get the Undead? I'll tell you how to get the Undead. One of their men pulls a knife, your man pulls a gun. They send your man to the hospital, you send their man to the morgue. That's how you get the Undead."

"My blood cries out for the vengeance of my people's blood, which can only be repaid with twice as much blood! Or maybe three times as much blood! Like, if you went to hell and it was full of blood, and that blood was on fire, and it was raining blood, then maybe THAT would be enough blood. But, uh... probably not."

"Darkness called... But I was on the phone, so I missed it. I tried to star-69 Darkness, but his machine picked up. I yelled 'PICK UP THE PHONE, DARKNESS!', but he ignored me. Darkness must have been screening his calls."

"DARKNESS... needs to get DSL. His line is always busy."

*phone rings*
Darkness! Hey, what's up? The Demon Hunter left you a message? No I don't have his number."

"Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion."

"I said a BOW string, not a G... Ugh, nevermind."

[Joseph Pandora]

First from my D&D group.
"It looks like a gonad." (About a dried apricot)
"Your a cat aren't you?"
"Don't think I'm not stupid!"

Next my favorite qoute of all time:
"WE'RE BREAKING THE RULES!! YOU SHOULD NEVER PUT A CAP ON VIOLENCE!! SUPPRESSING VIOLENT URGES LEADS ONLY TO PSYCHOLOGICAL INTERNAL VIOLENCE! GOT IT!? IF I WERE TO USE AN ANALOGY I WOULD TURN INTO YEAST! THE ROOT OF ALL BREADMAKING!"-Haruko FLCL manga.

[Kerr]

I like reviving long-dead forum threads.
-Kerr

[Stover]

"I normally don't do requests. Unless I'm asked to, that is" -I forget

"The reports of my death are extemely exaggerated." -Mark Twain

[BMHadoken]

"Out of ALL the god forsaken shitholes in Mexico, you just HAVE TO PICK THIS ONE?"
"Eh, one place is as good as another."
-From Dusk til Dawn

EDIT: Ya kno, I really should explain that unless you've seen the second half of the movie, that quote won't make you fall off your ass laughing.

[Sithdarth]

"Why do Hotdogs come in packages of 10 and Hotdog Buns come in packages of 8?" - The Unnamed Monk form Bullet Proof Monk

"Life doesn't always work out according to plan; so be happy with what you got because you can always get a hotdog." -Kar from the same movie in response to the above question.

Then of course there are the ones in my sig. They have all been said by me at one point. The first one is really cryptic and most people don't get what I mean without a little explanation.

[froofmyster]

This is from the Sid Myers (sp?) game Alpha Centauri (sp?).

"Resources exist to be consumed, and consumed they will be. If not by this generation, by some other. What reason have we to deny ourselves of our birth-right? None, I say! Let us take what is ours, chew, and eat our fill."
The Ethics of Greed
by Chairman Nwaubudike Morgan

[Caska]

That "You just killed my best friend you midevil dickweed!" is from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

My favorites...

"If Barbie's so great and has everything... why do you have to buy her friends?" - Unknown

"You've only won the war when you've realized how stupid it is." - one of my old books

"It is not the blade that makes the warrior; it is the warrior who makes the blade." - from another of my old books

Something like... Rand wasn't sure if Lews Therin was regaining sanity, or if he himself was going insane. (Wheel of Time)

Yyyyeah... I can't think of any unrepeated funny ones at the moment.

[froofmyster]

I forgot "Fear is the mind-killer." from Dune.

EDIT: "B'elana is the only person I know who's tried to kill her spirit-guide."
Commander Chakotay to Captain Katherine Janeway
from Star Trek: Voyager

[AndyBloodredMage]

“... Number two, you, are a god damn idiot. And I’d like to prove this mathematically if I may. Take your current age. Now subtract ten years from it. Were you smart back then? Of course you weren’t, you were a god damn idiot. Fact of the matter is, your just as big an idiot today, it’s just going to take you ten more years to realize it. Now think if you had drawn a picture on your body ten years ago. Would you be happy with it today? Chances are, you wouldn’t be.” - Church, talking about tattoos (From Red versus Blue)

[Omega]

if you want some good quotes... not so much quotes as Crazy Thoughts (http://www.crazythoughts.com) then click my cleverly disguised link...

some of my favs are:

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?
Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?

[Lycanthrope]

"no one expects a spanish inquisition!"
--Monty Python
"Chaos, it's like evil, except wholesome."
--Me.

[lymerion]

"Never use a cantelope to dry up your wet panteloons."
--Captain Random

[froofmyster]

"no one expects a spanish inquisition!"
--Monty Python
"Our main weapon is surprise, surprise and fear. Fear and surprise. TWO! Our two main weapons are Fear, surprise, ruthless and efficiency. THREE! Our three main weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope! OOOOOOH! Cardinal FANG!"

[h4x.m4g3]

"But if their are any girls here I wanna DO em." -Deadale Wives club
I'm My Own Grandpa- Some song lyrics (http://users.cis.net/sammy/grandpa.htm)

[slightly aboveaverage man]

"It is better to be liked than peed upon." Words of wisdom from a short story we had to read in English last semester.

[Dante]

"The good writers touch life...
The bad ones rape her and leave her to die..."

"THERE IS NO HOPE BUT US. THERE IS NO MERCY BUT US. THERE IS NO JUSTICE BUT US. THERE IS JUST US.

(A pause.)

LORD, ALL THINGS THAT ARE, ARE OURS. BUT WE MUST CARE. FOR IF WE DO NOT CARE, THEN WE DO NOT EXIST. IF WE DO NOT EXIST, THEN THERE IS NOTHING SAVE BLIND OBLIVION, AND EVEN OBLIVION MUST END SOMEDAY. LORD, WILL YOU GRANT ME A JUST A LITTLE TIME? FOR THE PROPER BALANCE OF THINGS. TO RETURN WHAT WAS GIVEN. FOR THE SAKE OF PRISONERS AND THE FLIGHTS OF BIRDS.

(silence)

LORD, WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?"

- Death, Reaper Man.

[Lycanthrope]

There's a reason I love pratchett. Speaking of what:
"Chaos always wins over order. It's better organized."
--Interesting Times.

[Dante]

More Pratchett:

"Elves are wonderful. They bring wonder.
Elves are awesome. They inspire awe.
Elves are marvellous. They create marvels.
Elves are fantastic. They fulfil fantasies.
Elves are terrific. They cause terror.

Elves are beautiful and terrible, but after
a while we forget that they were terrible,
and only remember the beauty.

If you want to find the true face of the elves,
look for them behind words that have changed
their meanings, hiding like snakes in the grass.

Nobody says elves are nice.

Elves are bad."

- Lords and Ladies.

[Fifthfiend]

Submitted, for your amusement and edification:

The business of the journalists is to destroy the truth, to lie outright, to pervert, to vilify, to fawn at the feet of mammon, and to sell his country and his race for his daily bread.

You know it and I know it, and what folly is this toasting an independent press?

We are the tools and vassals of rich men behind the scenes. We are the jumping jacks, they pull the strings and we dance. Our talents, our possibilities and our lives are all the property of other men. We are intellectual prostitutes."

--Jack Swinton, editor, New York Times

I never give them hell. I just tell the truth, and they think it's hell.

--Harry S Truman

...

And of course, the inevitable quote from that most quotable of quoters:

Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em.

--Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

[h4x.m4g3]

*Scream* *slash* *thud*
"Any Questions?"
"Yeah who's that guy with the sickle? Why is he beckoning? Why is my grandfather with him?"
-Warcraft III

[Dante]

"A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip."

"If utter chaos was thunder and lightning, then Twoflower seemed to be the man, wearing bronze armor, standing on top of a hillock in the middle of a raging storm and screaming "All gods are bastards!"

(The following all from Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman)

"The lorry blocked the road. And the corrugated iron blocked the road. And a thirty-foot-high pile of fish blocked the road. It was one of the most effectively blocked roads the sergeant had ever seen."

"Surely you have considered terrorist activity?"

There was another pause. Then the spokesman said, in the quiet tones of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chickens somewhere, "Yes, I suppose we must. All we need to do is find some terrorists who are capable of taking an entire nuclear reactor out of its can while it's running and without anyone noticing.It weighs about a thousand tons and is forty feet high. So they'll be quite strong terrorists. Perhaps you'd like to ring them up, sir, and ask them questions in that supercilious, accusatory way of yours."

"God does not play dice with the universe: He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players , to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles [I]all the time."

"ALL YOU CAN HOPE FOR IS THE MERCY OF HELL."
"Yeah?"
"JUST OUR LITTLE JOKE."
"Ngk," said Crowley."

"You're Hells Angels, then? What chapter are you from?"
"REVELATIONS, CHAPTER SIX."

[cellar_door]

we want the finest wines avalable to humanity we want them here we want them now- withnail and i

the creation of god is the one thing i can never forgive humanity for - cant remember who

nam et ipsa scientia potestas est -bacon (knowledge in itself is power)

[GatoFiero]

Straight from my archives, here's a few quotes from my book of army regulations!

99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
148. Putting red 'Mike and Ike's' ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")

[Joseph Pandora]

"why don't you put that in a memo and entitle it SHIT I ALREADY KNOW"- Sarge RvB
"Simmons I want you to poisen Grif's next meal"- Sarge Rvb
And
"But how! Your dead!"
"Nonsense, I was mearly napping."
" But I tied you up and poured concrete over your grave! Just in case you came back as a zombie."
"But you made one crucial mistake... you left me my spoon."
"No!"
"Thats right! I ate my way out! The earth was like a delicious butterscotch candy to me."

-RvB

[Zweihander]

Gato, those are actually from The 213 Things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the US Army. (http://www.avalanchetankers.us/archives/000058.html)

97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.

[Illuminatus]

I see an unusual dearth of Dubya quotes, so I'll help you out.

"I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun,"

"I don't think we need to be subliminable about the differences between our views on prescription drugs"

"It's a world full of madmen and uncertainty and potential mential losses"

"I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose: you disarm, or we will."

"I love the idea of a school in which people come to get educated and stay in the state in which they're educated"

"The Bob Jones policy on interracial dating, I mean I spoke out on interracial dating. I spoke against that. I spoke out against interracial dating. I support the policy of interracial dating"

" I think we agree, the past is over"

-George W. Bush.

Our president.

[slightly aboveaverage man]

Don't forget:

“There’s an old saying in Tennessee, I know it in Texas, maybe in Tennessee, that says ‘fool me once, shame on you, Fool me… you can’t get fooled again.'"

“And so, in my state of the… My state of the Union; or my state speech to the nation… whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation. I asked Americans to give 4000 years… 4000 hours over the next… rest of your life… of service to America. That’s what I asked; 4000 hours.”

“I know what I believe, and I will continue to articulate what I believe, and what I believe… I believe (not a typo) what I believe… is right.”

“Actually I… this may sound a little west Texan to you, but I like it. When I’m talking about… When I’m talking about myself, and when he’s talking about myself; all of us are talking about me.

“Republicans understand the importance of bondage between mother and child.”

“You teach a child to read, and he of her will pass a literacy test.”

All from George W.

Non GWB quote:

"Life is pain your highness, anyone who says otherwise is selling something."
-The princess bride

"What are you going to do? Bleed on me?" -Monty Python

"I'm gonna shove your head so far up your ass, your gonna have to cut holes in your nipples to see!" -The Rock.