Craptastical Technology

[Bells]

THE TESLA SHIELD™

Powerful And Advanced Transformational Technology For Mind Body And Soul.

The creation of The Tesla Shield™ was inspired by the work of the famous inventor Nikola Tesla, and was designed by Life Technology™ to heal, strengthen and protect the mind body and soul.

Nikola Tesla understood that the cosmos is in resonance. Everything that exists possesses a unique vibratory rate which resonates with the heart of the cosmos. It was this discovery which inspired Tesla to invent The Tesla Personal Oscillator in the early 20th Century.

Nikola Tesla marketed his Personal Oscillator as being a free energy antenna capable of enhancing the human energy field. It is claimed That The Tesla Personal Oscillator was the most popular gadget of 1907 and was widely used in The USA and Europe.

Life Technology™ are priviledged to have been given exclusive access to some of Nikola Tesla's papers and have been able to update and upgrade the original design of The Tesla Personal Oscillator.

The final product, The Tesla Shield™ combines the original Tesla principles of harmonic oscillation and Tesla design considerations with an advanced state of the art internal module designed by Life Technology™.

100 years after Tesla's original invention of The Tesla Personal Oscillator, Life Technology™ have created The Tesla Shield™, a device whose uniquely synergistic effects are profoundly more effective and powerful than the original Tesla device.

...

Benefits Of Using The Tesla Shield™ Include: (EDIT: O Bolded my favourite ones)

Protection Against Harmful Electromagnetic Radiation (AKA EMF EMR EMP)
Heals Strengthens And Protects Mind Body And Soul
Balances And Enhances The Biophysical Energy Field
Promotes Mental Clarity Focus And Concentration
Promotes A Sense Of Balance And Centeredness
Promotes Feelings Of Love Joy Peace And Happiness
Helps You Become Relaxed Harmonious Peaceful And Calm
Neutralizes Disharmonious Or Negative Energies
Clears Negative Energies Of Cosmic Or Telluric Origin
Helps To Releases Blockages Or Stagnant Energy
Awakens And Enhances Psychic And Healing Abilities
Ideal for Healers, Lightworkers and Channelers
Expands Consciousness And Awareness
Rapid Revitalisation Of The Organism
Diminishes Fatigue And Tiredness
Enhances Physical Strength And Stamina
Improves Sleep
Retards Aging
Acts As A 24/7 Passive Psychic Shield
Energises Food And Water
Stimulates The Third Eye Chakra Improving Intuition And Creativity
Assists Connection To The Divine Source
Empowers Meditation And Prayer
Facilitates Ascension
Increases Synchronicity
Enhances Manifesting Abilities
Assists Astral Projection And Lucid Dreaming
Suitable For Adults And Children Of Any Age
Beneficial For Pets Animals And Plants
Use As A Pendulum In Chakra And Aura Balancing
Use As A Transmitter Pendulum In Distant Healing
Use As A Tuning Pendulum In Radionics
Use As A Pendulum For Radiesthesia And Dowsing

ORDERING

The Tesla Shield™ is supplied complete with an informational/instructional guide and is available to buy exclusively from Life Technology™ for $199.95.

Payments made at Life Technology™ are processed by PAYPAL. PAYPAL (owned by Ebay) is the world leader in online payments processing and all payments made through PAYPAL are FAST, FREE AND 100% SECURE.

http://www.lifetechnology.org/images/teslashield21.gif

http://www.lifetechnology.org/teslashield.htm

So, do you want to be a super human? It only costs $199,95! Or, if you want to open the third eye of your dog... or maybe enhace the psychic abilities of your plants...

Man, technology has come a long way... i mean, who would say that someday we could have our own "The Psychotronic Money Magnet™ Ultra Advanced Version 1.0"?

...what? You dont know what the The Psychotronic Money Magnet™ Ultra Advanced Version 1.0 is? Well...

Essentially, when the biotronic matrix of The Ultra Advanced Psychotronic Money Magnet™ interacts with the conscious will of the operator it causes subtle changes to occur in the microcosmic universe which translates to manifestation in the macrocosmic universe (real world).

IT'S REALITY ALTERING DEVICE!!

... also $199,95.

I swear to you. It's harder and harder to be a honest person in this world, when everyday im presented to the crap people sell and the shmucks that buy them...

So, what Craptacular piece of technology have you encountered?

[Magus]

"Ideal for Healers, Lightworkers and Channelers"

So its a charlatan ripping off other charlatans?

That's almost sort of maybe heroic.

Anyway, I have a mentally challenged aunt and uncle who believe that magnets can be used to decrease pain in their bodies, speed up healing, and even give their car better gas mileage (put them on your gas line, apparently). But instead of just buying some magnets at the store and only wasting a little money they insist on buying them from these stupid companies that charge an arm and a leg. Not to mention the hundreds of dollars they waste on herbal medicines from the holistic "doctor", but that's not really a technological version of charlatanism.

[viale]

I went to school with a girl once who always kept a rock(probably lava rock, they seem popular for everything) near a computer when she had to use it for writing assignments. Something about how it kept the harmful electromagnetic energies away from her......that seemed quite retarded.

[phil_]

My brother-in-law got me a magnetic bracelet many years ago. One of those "healing power of magnets" dealies. Thing wasn't even magnetic; the "magnets" were just little metal discs.

I'm glad _mike never reads the forums, or he'd be able to rant for pages on quack science and medicine. It's a hobby of his.

[Wyndon]

Hmm.

I mean what exactly are you arguing here? Are you saying that energies and things like that don't exist in the universe? Or are you merely calling this device a scam? I'm not entirely sure which one you disagree with.

Anyway, I agree (with Tesla), for all my experiences with the world have taught me that there is indeed good energy, bad energy, good vibes, whatever you wanna call it. And so I believe it exists. But a device that can supposedly realign and channel them? I would very much like to know how it works before I even consider the promises feasible.

[PyrosNine]

I have long ago realized I don't need a magnet for good luck or good health, as I naturally emit an electromagnetic field greater than normal, and sadly much of my electronics that are weak against such things suffer in my presence, or after being around me long enough, only work in my presence.

I can literally boost the signal of anything, from cellphones to radios to wifi, just by touching them, and I once messed with one of those magnetic doodle things just with my finger.

I don't know about all this 'health' and 'strength' crap, as by that logic, I should be able to leap over buildings and regenerate lost limbs!

Strangely, my first thought at seeing the device of the late Mr. Tesla (Maybe Brian should make a joke about how much Tesla's name suffers nowadays in Robo) on it's color and apparent size was that it was some sort of suppository. For the life of me, I can't think of why I immediately thought that, but it does occur to me that such a device would be a bit more effective in such a location.

[Bells]

Hmm.

I mean what exactly are you arguing here? Are you saying that energies and things like that don't exist in the universe? Or are you merely calling this device a scam? I'm not entirely sure which one you disagree with.


Well, im saying that a Metallic Pendant/Supossitory with some Magnets and whatnot inside wont Facilitates Ascension, Increases Synchronicity, Enhances Manifesting Abilities or Assists Astral Projection And Lucid Dreaming...

Surely we dont know everything tehre is to know about the unniverse, not so many centuries ago, people would confuse a lightining storm, the wind blowing open a door or window or stuff like magnetism "the will of the supernatural", so, pretty much everybody trying to make a buck out of things that common science and logic dont agree with aint fine with me...

I mean, look at this...

http://www.lifetechnology.org/images/ark1.gif

This is The Ark. Know what it does?

1. Enhancement of physical strength and health.
2. Improving energy levels and stamina.
3. Attracting success, prosperity and financial abundance into ones life.
4. Increasing the chances of career success.
5. Self improvement, reversal of aging.
6. Relaxation and elimination of stress.
7. Improvement of self esteem and confidence levels.
8. Influencing the outcome of challenging situations.
9. Distant healing.
10. Improving personal and professional relationships.
11. Enhancement of athletic and sports skills.
12. Attract romantic love or your true soul mate.
13. Happiness etc.

I mean, bring on the Quantum Physics and Chaos theory, there aint no fucking way this is worth $999 or that it does even half of what it says it does!

[Kaneda]

reversal of aging.

Holy shit, immortality? This can't be a scam!

[Osterbaum]

I like how these supposedly wonderful devices are only boxes or cylinders with different colours.

[Mondt]

These things seem to be amazing business ventures.

Just set it up as a private thing, they cost like nothing and take like nothing to make (As far as time goes) and you really don't lose anything if someone says they'll buy one.

It's pretty win/win.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Man, if you had an Ultra Advanced Psychotronic Money Magnet™, a Tesla Shield and an Ark, would that make you like, God or something? Or just a really badass superhuman? Cos if so then I want these things!

Even more so than the Flying Car.

[BitVyper]

How have we gotten this far with no mention of Alex Chiu's immortality rings?

[TDK]

Oh good god.

My mom has crystal necklaces. She believes they repel negative energy and blah blah blah, or negative...charges or bad energy or something. I don't really listen.

She babbled something at me about it once, and I responded something along the lines of "you're dumb" and she said well there are positive and negative charges in science aren't there? "Yes." She went on to rant for a bit about how she was right and I should have more faith in her and not believe everything I read in science books. I then pointed out that positives charges (protons) can do just as much damage as negative charges (electrons), at which point she shut up.

I mean, hell, I know there's stuff we don't about the universe and I'm open to the idea that humans (life in general) emit or maybe manipulate/use some kind of energy or something that isn't found elsewhere (or at least isn't really...I dunno.) or something like that, but its all firmly rooted in science, just science we don't have yet.

This is all epic level technobabble with a healthy sprinkling of new age hippy spiritual crap.


Another example: I walked out on my porch once, where my mom was holding a crystal up to the sun. "What the hell are you doing?" "I'm charging my crystal." I looked at her like she was retarded, and then walked away.


Edit: Anyway aside from that. Most of the stuff in the article is stretching the truth heavily (The Schumann Resonance Field, for example, having anything to do with biology or medicine, is purely conjecture and has been disproven pretty hard.) and a large amount of it is just plain lies and making things up.

[Nique]

...Maybe your mom is just into LARPing?

[PyrosNine]

My natural body possesses enough electro-magnetic force to throw off radios, cell phones, and doodle with any sort of magnet drawing device with just a touch of my finger, I have noticed.

I know that magnets and stuff don't work, because by that logic and my inability to EVER get a proper reception, I should be able to leap over buildings, regenerate lost limbs, and create money with my MIND.

Instead of, y'know, being knocked over by a strong wind and frozen to death in autumn.

[Marc v4.0]

http://www.lifetechnology.org/teslashield.htm

So, do you want to be a super human? It only costs $199,95! Or, if you want to open the third eye of your dog... or maybe enhace the psychic abilities of your plants...

Reading the claims of how it works along with looking at the picture of this "device", I've got to say it looks like it would be useful in channeling some key, happy-generating vibrations from the universe directly into some specific female parts.

[Bells]

My natural body possesses enough electro-magnetic force to throw off radios, cell phones, and doodle with any sort of magnet drawing device with just a touch of my finger, I have noticed.

I know that magnets and stuff don't work, because by that logic and my inability to EVER get a proper reception, I should be able to leap over buildings, regenerate lost limbs, and create money with my MIND.

Instead of, y'know, being knocked over by a strong wind and frozen to death in autumn.

Then, what the HELL are you doing NOT selling your hair and underpants on Ebay? dont you see? People make thousands of dollars every year with Ouija (sp?) boards, Syntetic crystals, Boxes of tubes and magnets...

Just grab some Foil paper, rub it on your body, make a ball and sell it as the PyrosNine Quantum Warperhnamanuhnum

[TDK]

Marc, you're not supposed to say what we're all thinking. <_<

[Marc v4.0]

I really couldn't find anything else to say that wouldn't result in a wall-o-text rant about my enragement at the claims of these devices and/or the inherent stupidity of people who actually buy in to this crap.

I'm all for the ignorant being parted from their money, but not at the expense of scientific understanding or the creation of religious fanatasism. Gone are the days of the clean, honest door-to-door hustler. A class of men and women who would use only their sharp tongues and fast words to sell grandma that fancy foot powder from asia-land that was actually made out of baking soda. Honorable men and women, who got their scams by on the sweat of their brow and the hard work of their mind, not on wrapping the product up in a sheen of "It'll make you immortal and enhance your long-distance healing abilities!".

[The Wizard Who Did It]

I'm all for the ignorant being parted from their money, but not at the expense of scientific understanding or the creation of religious fanatasism. Gone are the days of the clean, honest door-to-door hustler. A class of men and women who would use only their sharp tongues and fast words to sell grandma that fancy foot powder from asia-land that was actually made out of baking soda. Honorable men and women, who got their scams by on the sweat of their brow and the hard work of their mind, not on wrapping the product up in a sheen of "It'll make you immortal and enhance your long-distance healing abilities!".
You haven't heard any stories in olden times about how people tried to peddle off Philosopher's Stones, have you?

[Marc v4.0]

For the sake of my little rant, I have selectivly ignored those, as well as the old claims of cocaine being a cure-all

[TDK]

But it did cure your problems! ...By making a whole slew of new ones!

Like cocaine addiction.

[Eltargrim]

She babbled something at me about it once, and I responded something along the lines of "you're dumb" and she said well there are positive and negative charges in science aren't there? "Yes." She went on to rant for a bit about how she was right and I should have more faith in her and not believe everything I read in science books. I then pointed out that positives charges (photons) can do just as much damage as negative charges (electrons), at which point she shut up.

Three things:

1) Protons. Photons are neutral.
2) You then have the antiparticles, which are still bad for you.
3) Finally, you then have neutrons, which are neutral, and still can cause lots of damage.

I mean, alpha particles are just a pair of protons, and they're a form of radiation. Beta particles? Electrons. Radiation. Gamma particles? Neutral. Will still fuck you up.

[TDK]

Three things:

1) Protons. Photons are neutral.

Huh...Could've sworn I said protons. *fixes*



2) You then have the antiparticles, which are still bad for you.
3) Finally, you then have neutrons, which are neutral, and still can cause lots of damage.

I mean, alpha particles are just a pair of protons, and they're a form of radiation. Beta particles? Electrons. Radiation. Gamma particles? Neutral. Will still fuck you up.

I know! I was just explaining to her the stupidity of what she believed, which was positive=good and negative=bad.

[Eltargrim]

Just elaborating for the uninformed; lets face it, most people don't know the difference between an electron and a positron, or that positive and negative could be replaced with Strange and Charm with very little effect (Except on the high-energy particle physicists; I'd think they'd be fairly livid).

Plus, I like emphasising the point that simple little particles can massively fuck shit up. I mean, alpha particles? Basically helium. How's that for a lighter-than-air gas :p

[Buddha Fett]

My dad used to be really into these kind of things.

He had a bunch of stuff like the magnets and crystals mentioned by everyone else; he also had a habit of carrying around a chunk of (I'm guessing fake?) silver, in case of werewolves. I shit you not.

Luckily, the poor man seems to have grown out of it.

[Bells]

It put's the whole Zombie-Survival Culture we have pretty much in check, dosent it?

[Kerensky287]

It put's the whole Zombie-Survival Culture we have pretty much in check, dosent it?

Zombie Survival is a load of bollocks because humanity is so well-prepared for a zombie apocalypse. Nobody's gonna let some creepy, spaced-out person who smells rotten come close enough to bite them anyway.

But I gotta say, it strikes me as interesting how people actually get taken in by these Tesla Shield things sometimes. It just strikes me as just as obvious as those Nigerian e-mail scams (which, interestingly enough, ALSO snag people sometimes).

[Magus]

My dad used to be really into these kind of things.

He had a bunch of stuff like the magnets and crystals mentioned by everyone else; he also had a habit of carrying around a chunk of (I'm guessing fake?) silver, in case of werewolves. I shit you not.

Luckily, the poor man seems to have grown out of it.

Doesn't the silver have to be in some sort of stabbing configuration to do anything anyway? Was he just going to use the chunk like a rock?

Obviously he was wrong, anyway. I know that the only thing we have to fear is vampires. People do complain about the garlic smell, though...

[bluestarultor]

Believe it or not, some things DO work. Magnets/jade/crystals are not among them, at least not in the ways indicated. Certain crystals, like quarts, are, in fact, piezoelectric, but I have yet to hear of anything that indicates the human electromagnetic field being enough to trigger a measurable reaction. The same goes for magnetism. We DO have some sort of radiation field which can be photographed under certain conditions, which correspond to some of what mystics say about auras, but such photos sometimes involve rather secretive development processes. I actually do believe in auras, but science has very little understanding of the solid evidence and tends to dismiss it as a curiosity. Until more scientific study is involved on the effects of certain crystalline structures and magnetism on these auras, I'll have to go by basic empirical evidence that flat-out shows it doesn't work on a physical level and at most acts as a placebo.

One thing that DOES work that I was rather surprised about is LED light therapy. The kind that people generally dismiss because it involves "medical grade" LEDs. When I was in organic chemistry, the lab was pretty much always unlocked, so any time of the day was "open lab." I was in there finishing up an experiment and had just screwed up my knee again, but Scott, the guy who set up all the chemicals, had won one of them in a raffle and just left it sitting in the lab plugged in. I'd laughed to myself about how silly it was, but I tried it on a lark, and it really did penetrate into my knee, which honestly felt very strange. It wasn't "hot" or "warm," but it did send infrared in like they claimed and took the edge off the pain before Scott showed up and had a laugh about it. I turned it off in embarrassment. XD

[Bells]

One thing that DOES work that I was rather surprised about is LED light therapy. The kind that people generally dismiss because it involves "medical grade" LEDs. When I was in organic chemistry, the lab was pretty much always unlocked, so any time of the day was "open lab." I was in there finishing up an experiment and had just screwed up my knee again, but Scott, the guy who set up all the chemicals, had won one of them in a raffle and just left it sitting in the lab plugged in. I'd laughed to myself about how silly it was, but I tried it on a lark, and it really did penetrate into my knee, which honestly felt very strange. It wasn't "hot" or "warm," but it did send infrared in like they claimed and took the edge off the pain before Scott showed up and had a laugh about it. I turned it off in embarrassment. XD

My dad does light therapy as a community service. It's part of the schedule of the Spiritism temple he and my mom go to. But in their case, Placebo effects are really a big part of the process... although, yeah, it does have positive effects. Even if minor. It's not that different from a massage actually, you're just using and expecific method to "give a hand" to your own body to heal itself naturally.

I do belive in auras as in the sense that, we have energy. I mean, we dont know everything there is to know about the human race or our Biology. We have pretty much the larger part down just fine... but only now we're talking about our DNA in depth. So, im prettysure will find new things... also, Our brains are in a constant puls of eletric energy. And our bodies generate heat out of fat consuption, just like all mammalls. So, keeping this process 24/7 over your whole life... i wouldnt be surprised if we had a light layer of some sort of static energy/charge around our bodies. I Doubt it could ever affect the world around us, but since, energy reacts to energy... it would be plausible to understand where they come up with excuses to make these products...

I mean, just like at Pyros... his body reacts with/to eletronics. It wouldnt take much for someone to take that and create a myth on top of it, so they could profit.

[bluestarultor]

Frankly, I'm much like Pyros. Not quite to the point that I can draw on magnetic boards with my finger, but enough that I severely mess up TV reception and can adjust the picture just by shifting position a bit. Basically, when I walk into the living room, everyone just steps aside and lets me adjust the antenna to account for myself. I've gotten so good at it that it's almost a psychic power. XD

As for auras, we know they're there, or at least that something's there. We've tracked a woman's monthly cycle using electroplate photography (or whatever they call it), we can measure the radiation coming from ourselves from Carbon-14, etc. There's a lady in Wisconsin based out of I think Stevens Point who claims to be an aura reader and has developed a process to take "aura photographs" using two electric plates for the client's hands and some sort of special development process which provides some very consistent results with implications that she couldn't possibly know. There is of course the "color = personality" factor that you could write off as cold reading and Photoshop, but the local news stations went to see her when she was over in my area and decided to get some pictures taken. The pictures always show a bright spot over the heart for some reason and one of the interns had a second point of light on her belly. She found out a week later that she was pregnant. Now, the heart is a center of electrical activity, so that could be a possible explanation for the bright spots, but it at least shows that there really is something there, whether it has a "color" or not.

[Nique]

I know this isn't too unique but I am the only one in my immediate family who can tell if a TV is on when there isn't a signal coming through.

[Bells]

I know this isn't too unique but I am the only one in my immediate family who can tell if a TV is on when there isn't a signal coming through.

Like telling if a Tv is on or not, even when there is no sound and you're not looking at the screen? If so i do that too, but i think it has something to do with hearing. Like, catching a very weak humming buzz

[Marelo]

Like telling if a Tv is on or not, even when there is no sound and you're not looking at the screen? If so i do that too, but i think it has something to do with hearing. Like, catching a very weak humming buzz

That's a fairly common perception, I'm lead to believe. Everyone I've spoken to about it has indicated that they also perceive it.

[Fenris]

I know this isn't too unique but I am the only one in my immediate family who can tell if a TV is on when there isn't a signal coming through.

It produces a high pitch (read: squeal) that is very quiet. I can only hear it if I haven't been in jazz band in the morning, as I sit in front of the lead trumpet player. (For the uninitiated, lead trumpet players like to play very loud.)

My best friend, however, can tell if the TV in his basement is on from on the second level, his hearing is incredible.

[The Argent Lord]

Yeah, I can do that TV thing with a lot of electronics. Particularly when I've been away from them, like hiking or somesuch, but in general, too.

[Eltargrim]

(For the uninitiated, lead trumpet players like to play very loud.)

Yes we do :D

Yeah, some of my hearing is a bit wacky. The sensitivity seems to come and go at seemingly random intervals, so I'm reluctant to attribute it to anything in particular.

[The SSB Intern]

A little late, but...
It put's the whole Zombie-Survival Culture we have pretty much in check, dosent it?
Does anyone else imagine a zombified Tesla rising from the dead to sue these guys for using his name on their idiot appendages?

[Loyal]

I'd imagine he'd first run to EA for all the Tesla weaponry in CnC games.