Alex Zuckerman - The New Animated Film You Should Never See If You Value Your Eyes!

[alexzuckerman]

Alex Zuckerman is caught in circumstances out of his control when he is abducted by aliens. They implant a mind control device inside of his brain so that he would become an insurgent in their upcoming invasion of Earth. With his astonishing power of will, Alex fights the Alien's mind control. Sir Psycho, and Alex Zuckerman assemble a scary crew - ascending into space on a mission to save Alex’s mind, soul, and ultimately the entire human race.

This cartoon features alien carnage!

You may view Alex Zuckerman at the following URL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbyLT5GEgD8

or visit my website www.AlexZuckerman.com

http://www.geocities.com/matt_miller555/alexgif.gif

[Meister]

Oh, I get it, it's ironically bad. How zany and wacky!

EDIT: oh wow there's even a ninja

[alexzuckerman]

Oh, I get it, it's ironically bad. How zany and wacky!

EDIT: oh wow there's even a ninja

I'm open to constructive criticism, but there is nothing constructive about your comment. I've looked at your work, and I'm not the least bit impressed. If you think you've made something better, then post it in response.

Your a douche. Go suck a railroad spike.

[Seil]

...Wow, dude. That was harsh.

And riddled with spelling errors. Okay, it was one, but still, if you're gonna insult someone, do it with class.

[Kim]

I'm open to constructive criticism, but there is nothing constructive about your comment. I've looked at your work, and I'm not the least bit impressed. If you think you've made something better, then post it in response.

Your a douche. Go suck a railroad spike.

You know, saying that to a mod isn't the best idea. Plus, someone doesn't need to make something better to know crap*. Lastly, I like 8 Easy Bits**.

*I can't really say for sure whether it's crap as I haven't checked it out, but I'm just going to trust Meister's judgment on this one.

**I haven't checked it out in forever, but I still like it.

[Kaneda]

I don't get the point of the last seven minutes, seeing as I can't quite imagine anyone watching past the first three.

I mean, ten minutes? Fuck. If I'm going to invest that much time into anything, I like to know that whoever made it invested a certain degree of effort themselves.

[Kim]

You see, Zucchini-Man, the problem with posting stuff like this here is that most of us are dicks, and we aren't exactly ashamed of our, for lack of a better word, "dickness". Plus, since this is the first thing you've posted here without trying to become a part of the community beforehand, none of us are your friend. As such, we aren't going to feel any need to be somewhat less dickish.

Note: Even if you were a part of the community for a while beforehand, we would still probably be dicks. We do what we know.

[Meister]

Art, animation and voice acting are all terrible. The art is crude at best, the animation choppy and also crude, and the voice actors sound bored. The only way I could conceive of anyone calling this "the new animated film you have to see" is if it's meant to be intentionally, i.e. ironically bad, and making something ironically bad doesn't automatically make it good. And if it's meant to be a serious project, it's just plain old vanilla bad.

dicks
I like to think we, as a community, offer constructive criticism more often than we're dicks. Sugarcoating things isn't on the agenda, though. Also this:
since this is the first thing you've posted here without trying to become a part of the community beforehand
Which is mentioned in our forum rules; not that we're not glad to get some free entertainment once in a while and we're big fans of DIY stuff, which is why this thread got a chance in the first place. But what you're offering is, again, really not very good.

If you think you've made something better, then post it in response.
http://img25.imageshack.us/img25/3460/pintfish.gif (http://img25.imageshack.us/my.php?image=pintfish.gif)

[Kim]

I like to think we, as a community, offer constructive criticism more often than we're dicks. Sugarcoating things isn't on the agenda, though.


I wasn't speaking merely in the realm of creative work, though. I'm quite certain were an outsider to look at most of the threads on the forum we'd all look like a bunch of Grade A jackasses, not that I'm complaining.

[Kerensky287]

I've looked at your work, and I'm not the least bit impressed. If you think you've made something better, then post it in response.

Frankly, I don't think he's ever CLAIMED to have made something better. I don't even know what "work" you're referring to in that first sentence.

What makes things worse is that you made an account on this forum for no purpose other than to advertise your movie, which you claim is one that "you have to see." Saying that your new movie is a must-see seems a little conceited, especially considering how... well, shoddy it is. I'm hoping this doesn't become another BlackMage.EXE thread, but I gotta say man, if it's your first project - and by all appearances it is - don't act like it's God's gift to the world of animation.

[synkr0nized]

ahahaha

This is so horrible. Is it supposed to be terrible? Like, is it some kind of joke thing?

Here's a list of things that contribute to it being so bad:
- terrible voice acting, including someone who sounds like she's recording while listening to music or talking to other people; there is no emotion, little to no inflection, and poor timing; too much like reading off a piece of paper
- the complete lack of background music and ambient noises
- semi-decent sound effects mixed with pretty crappy [dissonant or poor quality] sound effects
- the animation OH GOD the animation; it's like a mixture of MS Paint and pong; everything seems to have sprite-like snapshots for two to four positions that then get looped to pretend like there is movement
- the art quality itself; as funny as it is, Meister's posted image is certainly no worse if not better, actually
- plot/story: Was there even one? I mean, I attempted to watch the whole thing, but it was pretty lacking beyond what we were told at the beginning.

Thank you for registering to share this utter tripe with us and then insult a mod. Bye bye.

[POS Industries]

I...

Buh....

http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o159/posindustries/facepalm/macro.jpg

Okay, wait, no. I got this. Hang on. Yeah. No.... Yeah!

See, it's... Okay.... It's an allegory for our own cultural apathy. The characters just go through the motions, an overwhelming sense of emptiness and unfeeling permeating their every word, mouths moving with no regard to what's spoken from them because it doesn't matter at all what they're saying. It's just noise to fill the silence.

The alien invaders, too, have no emotional stake in their quest to conquer Earth. Indeed, at the very end, finally defeated by a collection of pop culture memes like ninjas and Chuck Norris, they merely take their turns walking into the protagonist's chainsaw as he halfheartedly puts an end to their meaningless existences. Then, when asked what the heroes will do next, he blandly concedes that they will continue on as they have done, killing all others who stand before them as the the universes falls into oblivion with a sigh and a shrug. The atonal singing bookending the piece goes further to allude to an absence of a harmony that never could have been.

The art itself evokes this same sense. Everyone is, for the most part, a static image, a two-dimensional figure that serves no purpose but to be. Their limited movement, unblinking eyes, and propensity for simply phasing through door frames that are too small to allow their passage without ducking down suggests that this is a universe created by and maintained by a god that simply doesn't give a shit. To drive the point home, the sky even appears to be decorated with countless massive, floating razorblades.

Yes, I truly understand the underlying message of this work and feel that it has given us a lesson that we should all take the time to seriously reflect upon.

[rcky]

Ummmm This is goodish but very dry, did you do this with flash?

[Jagos]

The look in that guys eyes just pained me...

I don't wanna go back. If I have to see animation, I'd like it to be of a higher quality than 30s cartoon.

[Kim]

The look in that guys eyes just pained me...

I don't wanna go back. If I have to see animation, I'd like it to be of a higher quality than 30s cartoon.

Hey, 30s cartoons had awesome animation. Steamboat Willy? That was the shit, man.

[Fenris]

what the fuck

this is shit

Okay seriously the blue alien looks like his main mode of transportation is tapdancing and Zuckerman's main mode of transportation is the bird run. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BirdRun) Except with less bird and more windmill.

[PyrosNine]

It looks like something I could draw myself, and I am generally incapable of holding crayons properly.

Also, DRUGS!

[Meister]

Ummmm This is goodish but very dry, did you do this with flash?
Oh hey look what someone (Thanks!) found:

http://www.cgtantra.com/forums/showthread.php?p=100000

http://www.animationforum.net/forum/showthread.php?p=48466

http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?p=88444

You're not very good at this.

[Viridis]

If this is purposefully bad, I condemn it. I've never been a fan of that, which is why my dearest wish is to see Xavier and Tim and Eric (Adult Swim) purged from Creation with fire.

Oh hey look what someone (Thanks!) found:
.....
You're not very good at this.
So what's with this weird question/lukewarm self-praise asked with a puppet account? I'm not getting the intent of that.
Edit: 'nother one. (http://www.animea.net/forums/f9/alex-zuckerman-new-animated-film-you-have-see-35890/)


The YouTube video has 4.5 stars with 19 reviews. Cynical side wants to say those are all him.

[Jagos]

Something tells me he won't be back...

[Bob The Mercenary]

I don't think you guys are giving this man the credit he deserves. I mean, you'll all be sorry when this thing he made (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MF5z7xGUjmU) is nominated for an Oscar.

[Edit] Or this thing. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4FPzYye0LY) Just in case no one visited his homepage. Which I suspect no one did.

Wow, this is devolving into a "look at this, it's so bad" kind of thing. The man's a genius!

[Mike McC]

I love how the webpage, looking straight out of 1999 (with pageview counter and everything, oh how cute), is actually built on 1999 technology. The domain actually redirects to a Geocities page. http://www.geocities.com/matt_miller555/alexhome.html

Also endearing is how the background repeats on my 1680 screen resolution.

SPECIAL ADDED BONUS MATERIAL!

Ryong, Ryong... you could have done so much better with that YouTube comment. So much more.

[CelesJessa]

Hahahahaha. I don't know what you guys are talking about. This stuff is awesome.

Even if it was unintentionally "so bad it's funny", I cracked up. I had to immortalize some of the moments in gif form.
http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/6682/wtfl.gif (http://img222.imageshack.us/my.php?image=wtfl.gif)

http://img261.imageshack.us/img261/8917/haha.gif (http://img261.imageshack.us/my.php?image=haha.gif)


Totally serious and not totally negative comment: To be fair, it totally looks like some cheesy awesome stuff that I would have done when I was little. (god knows I made some abominations of animation with any sort of animation-maker program I could get my grubby hands on) so I feel kind of bad making fun of it. I mean, it's a start and to be completely serious, I'd rather see kids/people spending their time making seriously goofy if not horrible animations and cartoons rather than just sitting around and doing nothing. Despite the quality, it's still quite fun and something you can look at later and laugh, asking "what the hell was I thinking".

The biggest problem I see is just treating it like it's 100% serious business.

[Bob The Mercenary]

CJ, thank you.

[Meister]

I'm mostly just bothered by the "YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS" attitude and the use of (randomly chosen, far as I can tell) message boards as advertising platforms. Of course it's great if people sit down and actually create something, but, y'know, a bit of perspective. There are things you can confidently put online and go "hey, I made this, and I think it's pretty good" and there are things you can look at and say "well, that didn't quite work out" and either put away or show to people asking for advice.

EDIT: there's not much room on this scale for "advertise as the greatest thing since 'The Ultimate Showdown' and expect nothing but praise", I'm afraid

EDIT2: I'm actually hovering somewhere around the outer edges of the closing button but I keep thinking, nope, guy brought this on himself, plus he can always show up and comment on criticism. Still let's not treat this as too much of a free-for-all bash the watermelon contest.

[CelesJessa]

CJ, thank you.

Ha, awesome. Do you want me to try and make an animated one you can use for the avatar? (was the file size too big?)

I'm mostly just bothered by the "YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS" attitude and the use of (randomly chosen, far as I can tell) message boards as advertising platforms. Of course it's great if people sit down and actually create something, but, y'know, a bit of perspective. There are things you can confidently put online and go "hey, I made this, and I think it's pretty good" and there are things you can look at and say "well, that didn't quite work out" and either put away or show to people asking for advice.

Yeah, I agree, hence the whole "taking it way to seriously" deal. Although I'm not sure how old the creator(s) of Alex Zuckerman are, if they're pretty young I can totally understand finishing an animation like that (probably took a bit of work to make it 10 minutes) and be like "dude, this is awesome". I mean, I remember making total crap when I was little and parading it around like it was amazing and then later on in life I was like "oh my god, I thought this was good?"

So I guess I'm going under the assumption the they're kind of young. It just totally reminded me of all of the awful crap I made when I was little. :whee:

After seeing the edit: But yeah, the "expect nothing but praise" is very irritating.

[Fenris]

The voice actors sound too old for me to take this as a child's project.

[CelesJessa]

The voice actors sound too old for me to take this as a child's project.

Hmm that is true. I wasn't paying attention to that as I couldn't make it through very far and was laughing too much to actually hear the voices. Touche!

EDIT: Dangit guys I'm trying to be nice-ish. You're making it hard. XD

[phil_]

I also saw some "so bad it's hilarious" in this, but it's no Tokyo Crystal Mew. Maybe if it were shorter it would be better.

Man, why'd she have to take down Tokyo Crystal Mew? Those were awesome.

[Bob The Mercenary]

Ha, awesome. Do you want me to try and make an animated one you can use for the avatar? (was the file size too big?)

I wouldn't have a conniption leaving it as it is, because really, it's just as demented looking. But, if you could somehow chop off one or two kilobytes I wouldn't be opposed. :)

[Bells]

as someone who HAS made better bad shit than this, (http://www.youtube.com/user/RicardoBr) i must say... he is failing on "viral ads" by making posts that end with stuff like "go suck on a railroad spike"... i mean, after a few years around Fifthfiend that type of thing is "meh" at best! And you're failing to make yourself a meme or a "internet thing" with this "so bad it's good" stuff...

[Viridis]

I wouldn't have a conniption leaving it as it is, because really, it's just as demented looking. But, if you could somehow chop off one or two kilobytes I wouldn't be opposed. :)

As is, it makes me reflexively throw up my arms in front of me and shout "No! Get back!", imagining it slowly advancing.

I don't know if animation would help or hurt.

[Kim]

I approve of the new thread title.

[Mike McC]

I like how he came in and edited in the animated gif this afternoon. Also, since this morning, he deleted overtly negative comments on his YouTube and disabled ratings.

Looking at this is making my want to play around with Mario Paint.

[Jagos]

Bob, I'm going to have nightmares because of your new avi...

[POS Industries]

So I guess I'm going under the assumption the they're kind of young. It just totally reminded me of all of the awful crap I made when I was little. :whee:
Or drunk, since he's old enough.

[Xellos]

Oh hey look what someone (Thanks!) found:

http://www.cgtantra.com/forums/showthread.php?p=100000

http://www.animationforum.net/forum/showthread.php?p=48466

http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?p=88444

Are those forums connected? Who is this Rcky who is showing up in every one of them?

[synkr0nized]

I, uh, I am honestly surprised that you cannot connect those dots on your own.

[Viridis]

I, uh, I am honestly surprised that you cannot connect those dots on your own.

I assumed that Rcky is the first poster with another account, but I don't get why that'd go through that trouble to leave that weird message they did. Rcky just leaves the first poster lukewarm praise ("goodish") and asks how it was made. Then neither are ever heard from again.

It's a weird M.O.

[Fenris]

I assumed that Rcky is the first poster with another account, but I don't get why that'd go through that trouble to leave that weird message they did. Rcky just leaves the first poster lukewarm praise ("goodish") and asks how it was made. Then neither are ever heard from again.

it's a weird M.O.

They're bumping the thread.