Taking the high road

[CelesJessa]

So recently I've been having a bit of a spat with my grandmother. Not to get too detail heavy, but pretty much, my grandmother is... not a pleasant individual. There are many things from the past that make our family not a big fan of her (abused(physically and emotionally) my dad as a kid, barely showed an ounce of caring when my brother got cancer, didn't even bother coming to either of my brother's weddings even when the means to go were completely supplied, the list is a long one...).

Despite all of that I was trying to take the higher road and possibly give her another chance, considering she's getting pretty old, and I guess I thought I could maybe pretend I had a grandma who liked me, so I started trying to do little things to try and mend the gaping hole that is between my grandma and myself but my kind gesture was repaid with more hurtful comments and guilt trips and whathave you.

And she does this kind of thing all the time, she's constantly putting my dad down, has basically all but said that my brothers and I don't matter as much as her grandchildren who live nearby(what kind of grandmother tries to steal your toys when you were little to give to your cousins who she likes better?), and in general is a very unpleasant person.

Now, part of me knows it's best to take the high road and be the better person by not fighting back, but on the other hand, I don't want to be a doormat either. I think I'm generally a pretty level-headed and easy-to-get-along-with person and I don't like to pick pointless battles, and I know saying something would just cause more drama and problems, but is it okay to let people get away with everything just because you're the "better person"?

So any insight? Or any experiences you guys have with standing up for youself or "taking the high road"? I didn't want to get all dramatic and start up the whole life-advice-you-really-should-be-asking-someone-else thing, but I thought it could be an interesting topic to hear how other people have dealt with perhaps similar problems.

In other news, if you have a good grandma, go give her a hug for me. :(

[pochercoaster]

Well, for sure I can say that it would be unwise to expect her to change her behaviour. You can continue to do kind things for her but it's going to be met with the same response. Even if you openly tried to explain your opinion on the situation it doesn't sound like it would do much- lifelong abusers are... well, lifelong abusers.

Having never met your grandmother I can't say any of this for sure, but it would probably be wise to be careful with how you invest your emotions in her, as attempts to "win her over" are just going to cause you pain. A relationship needs effort from both people in order to be mended. Is she showing any signs of changing her mind?

I've emotionally withdrawn from some of my family members because they were abusive and parasitic and- most importantly- displayed no signs of even wanting to mend our relationship. That's not to say I hate them- I simply just maintain a safe distance from them.

It's very difficult to make these sorts of decisions when it comes to family because you are expected to look after your own blood. Like, if you had an abusive boyfriend or friend it would be more acceptable to break ties with them. There's a reason you're expected to look after your family, of course, but just remember that because she's related to you doesn't mean you have to like her. You have to accept her for who she is- pretending she's someone else is just going to delay the inevitable realization that she's an irritable old lady.

[Eldezar]

Now, part of me knows it's best to take the high road and be the better person by not fighting back, but on the other hand, I don't want to be a doormat either. I think I'm generally a pretty level-headed and easy-to-get-along-with person and I don't like to pick pointless battles, and I know saying something would just cause more drama and problems, but is it okay to let people get away with everything just because you're the "better person"?


You should never let anybody walk all over you, especially family. I let some of my family members do that growing up. I was lucky enough to realize early that I was in control of my own life, and I didn't need this person to be in it, no matter how we were related. This person has not ruined my life, but because of her I am not as far in life as I could be. Ever since I have been standing up to her and keeping her out of my life, things have been great.

I actually never 'take the high road' with people that I have to interact with frequently. It just means that they think they can push you around without you fighting back. If I don't know the person, and I interact with them very little or not at all otherwise, then I'll let things go, and let them have their self-titled superiority. It just doesn't matter, cuz that person doesn't affect my life.

And finally, you can't change people, only they can change themselves. It is also extremely hard for people to change, so it is unlikely your relationship will ever improve with your gramma. Maybe she is the type that when you start fighting back, she'll start respecting you more, though don't count on it. Just stick up to her and encourage others to do the same, and especially watch if she abuses or neglects any other children that are around her.


It's very difficult to make these sorts of decisions when it comes to family because you are expected to look after your own blood. Like, if you had an abusive boyfriend or friend it would be more acceptable to break ties with them. There's a reason your expected to look after your family, of course, but just remember that because she's related to you doesn't mean you have to like her. You have to accept her for who she is- pretending she's someone else is just going to cause you more pain down the road.

This is something I actually personally discourage. I could go into the whole 'we are all related somewhere' bit, but that one's kind of annoying. What I say is things like, your family member is a serial killer/rapist/makes shoes out of babies, so would you still stick up for them? Sure that is drastic, but I say the same thing still applies. I would not support a stranger who abuses people, and I will not support family that do it either. People are still people, regardless of relation.

[phil_]

I wouldn't normally offer any help here, but liquid courage is a funny thing.

Not to get into too much detail, I have a certain familial relationship that requires me to ignore and avoid certain facts. From this experience, I would recommend either cutting off unnecessary contact with grandma or, since you don't seem the type to do that, trying to ignore unpleasant facts concerning your past with your grandma when you have to interact with her. I know it's not the best way of doing things, and she may be an unpleasant person, but it's good to keep touch with your family, even if they're people you would never want to become. You only have one family, you know?

[pochercoaster]

This is something I actually personally discourage. I could go into the whole 'we are all related somewhere' bit, but that one's kind of annoying. What I say is things like, your family member is a serial killer/rapist/makes shoes out of babies, so would you still stick up for them? Sure that is drastic, but I say the same thing still applies. I would not support a stranger who abuses people, and I will not support family that do it either. People are still people, regardless of relation.

No, I'm saying the opposite. I'm saying that you should not let someone's character be clouded by the fact that you're related to them. I'm saying what you're saying. ^^; I actually have put up with a lot of people immediately disliking me because I chose not to relate to my family, when they don't know half the story.

Simply put, society expects you to be born into a perfect happy non-dysfunctional family, which is rarely the case, and if you decide to break those ties you're deemed unloyal or something. Which is stupid.

(I apologize for the poor wording- I'm in a bit of a brain fog.)

[Bells]

How much do you HAVE to interact with her? Because, i'll be honest... if you don't, then don't.

In the end of the day, they only thing you can really look back to is family. Sure. But respect and admiration are not "free gifts", those are earned medals. And the people who earned them deserve your respect and admiration and friendship and love. those who you don't know very well, still, deserve your respect (at the very least), but those that you know well and just don't deserve it in your eyes... well... they don't.

I don't pretend that Human relations are like binary calculations that you can relate with simply values of "true or false". But you shouldn't feel an obligation towards someone who simply doesn't give a shit on how much effort you put into it.

And on that regard... it doesn't really matter -who- they are.

Let me share a personal tidbit... my Grandmother. Her and i, we get along just fine (she lives me and my family). But sometimes she acts... well... like a child. Let me elaborate...

She is kinda of a Hypochondriac, just for starters, and since my Grandpa passed away (many years ago) she sometimes goes off on little stupid rants of the "i wish i was dead already" and such... she also is afraid of eating (well) because she thinks it will attack her stomach (she has gastric problems so she has to have a very controlled diet). She's also stuck on the "old ways" as in... "i know as much as a doctor" way.

So, from time to time i have around the house a 70'year old who eats like a teenager trying to loose weight for the prom, who is always doing housework, who keeps going to the doctor to find the reason for her problems but never follows the doctor's instructions on how to SOLVE the very problems she actually finds.

Sadly, i never developed the temper to deal with such a combination which ends up with me talking to her like she -was- a spoiled teenager trying to get attention. To the point where once she was complaining that her stomach was aching so much i actually grabbed a piece of bread and didn't stop until she agreed to eat it... she was hungry and didn't notice, thinking it was some illness...

I was sort of lucky in that regard because she ended up seeing that even though i might be blunt and harsh (and i do get like that with this sort of thing) i was actually looking out for her (even when i went as far as say stuff like "Then get over it or keep it to yourself" when she was complaining about how "Miserable" her life was and how she wished she was "just dead" ) it's a weird relationship, but i do love my Grandma, and she loves and respects me because she knows "why" i act like that with her sometimes...

So, what i can say to you... is that you don't have to be a doormat at all, but you also don't have to pretend to have a relationship with her that she doesn't even try to make real. Regardless of what other people think...

[bluestarultor]

Awww, CJ! You can share my grandparents, who are totally awesome and would welcome you with open arms. :(

As for my objective advice, having had an ex-uncle who had a psychotic break (bipolar + paranoid schizophrenic + gun = my aunt and cousins are lucky to be alive), I can fully say some people are not worth defending. Your grandma sounds like a wholly unpleasant person and I doubt she's suddenly going to change just because you're especially nice to her. Old people especially are difficult because old habits are hard to break, making old people very set in their ways just from practice. I'd say you can be nice to her when you meet, but unless you really think you can win her over, and it sounds like doing so would be hard, since you've inherited her dislike from your father, minimizing contact is probably the best. You deserve better than to be mistreated and I see no reason personally to be nice to people who aren't nice to me or others. (I mean, if they're nice to me, I can call them out on it and stuff, and if that wrecks the relationship, well, they weren't very nice to start with.)

[Mirai Gen]

To say it in a condensed form, I'm not sure how volatile her reaction would be if you put your foot down and said "Grandma that isn't true and you know it" but standing up is very different from inciting an argument.

I'd go for standing up for yourself - being the better person is just ignoring the chode at work who likes to pressure and mock you openly that you only have to deal with once in a while. A relative is very very different, and you're going to confront them for a long, long time (And there's no manager to turn to) .

I'm not sure about how mean she could get if incited but I really would suggest standing up to her. Cause honestly CJ you're rarely even irate or annoyed here on NPF, I have no reason to think this is just exclusive to your onlineness and someone taking advantage of your niceness to be all horrible is just plain wrong.

[Krylo]

Just cut her off.

Why bother with confrontations? Does she really deserve your time or energy in an argument? Does she really deserve your time or energy in a relationship?

Just... don't see her. Ever.

I've been doing it with my dad for a few years now, and he's not even all that bad compared to how you make your grandma out. It's worked out well for me.

I mean... I get why you'd want to build bridges. You see people with happy relationships with their grandparents on TV, you hear coworkers talking about it, whatever else. I get that. I see the same stuff with father and son shit, but you have to just come to a realization that you're not going to have that kind of relationship with her regardless of what you do, and just move on. Stop trying to make her be a pleasant person. Just cut her out of your life.

[Osterbaum]

I am unsure as to what advice to give you. But what I can say with certainty is that you, nor anyone else, has to put up which such treatment especially when it is uncalled for. You do not have to put up with something like that, and one way or another you should make it stop.

Now, part of me knows it's best to take the high road and be the better person by not fighting back, but on the other hand, I don't want to be a doormat either. I think I'm generally a pretty level-headed and easy-to-get-along-with person and I don't like to pick pointless battles, and I know saying something would just cause more drama and problems, but is it okay to let people get away with everything just because you're the "better person"?
I see some of myself here. Whenever my family argues, I usually stay out of it feeling that one rarely makes these things better by exploding yourself. I even take a lot of shit from people, as long as I feel it is more or less something that I really don't care THAT much about. But there is always a line somewhere, and you shouldn't let anybody walk over you. But you propably already knew that.

[Mirai Gen]

Just cut her off.
Actually if this is an option, I would recommend doing it.

I didn't think it was considering it didn't seem like a presented option, but yeah, Krylo's right.

I've got a crazy grandma who contacts me every few months just to remind me that I still really really need to invite Jesus into my heart. I've tried visiting her to be nice and she keeps cancelling and acting like she's busy. She only wants to pester me, really.

[CelesJessa]

How much do you HAVE to interact with her? Because, i'll be honest... if you don't, then don't.

Just cut her off.

Why bother with confrontations? Does she really deserve your time or energy in an argument? Does she really deserve your time or energy in a relationship?

Just... don't see her. Ever.


Yeah. I've seriously considered doing that. (One of my cousins has completely cut off contact with most of the family because noone will stand up to her, so I guess if they can do it...) I hardly have to see her anyway (It's been since middle school since I've actually personally seen her), and, honestly, I don't have many problems with just cutting her off and never talking or seeing her again(It's not like she'll bother coming to my wedding either), but thanks to the internet and phones my dad is still in constant contact with her. As weird as it is, despite how horrible she was to my dad growing up, and continually now, my dad won't stand up to her and just tries to be nice, because, as he says, "She's still my mom." So, I know if I cut off contact, it will probably cause problems for my dad, because she'll just start bitching to him about how he's raised horrible children, and I don't know if I want to put my dad through that.

And there's this issue with this summer my family is planning a trip to visit my dad's side of the family, grandparents included, so there's that whole thing to worry about. My mom's a fan of the "cut off all contact" idea, and she's suggested that she and I could stay in the hotel when my dad goes to visit but I know that would probably end up causing problems too. This trip is what spurred this entire "start over a new leaf with her" thing for me, because maybe then visiting wouldn't be so horrible. (I don't recall ever enjoying visiting my dad's side of the family)

I'm not sure about how mean she could get if incited but I really would suggest standing up to her. Cause honestly CJ you're rarely even irate or annoyed here on NPF, I have no reason to think this is just exclusive to your onlineness and someone taking advantage of your niceness to be all horrible is just plain wrong.

I'd like to think I'm pretty nice in real life too. XD; The thing is, she hates my mom(my mom's response to my dad's "she's still my mom" is "anyone can give birth. It takes something else to be a mother.", my mom and my grandma butt heads a lot), and I pretty much act just like her, so... there's that. And, as she's stated herself, she hates all girls because they're all whores. Don't ask, I don't get it either.


Thanks a bunch for all of the advice in here. I swear I read it all, and took it all to heart. It's funny how if someone unrelated to you treats you like crap, it's expected and encouraged just to get them out of your life, but socially it's completely different if they're related. Especially grandparents. They're supposed to be all warm and loving.

[Nikose Tyris]

Well, I only have one grandmother I'm in contact with, because the other is a lot like yours. I'm entirely with Krylo's point of view here. It seems mean, but If she's a cantankerous old witch, leave her to it? It might feel harsh or mean, but she clearly doesn't want to reciprocate your attempts; I'm certain your father will understand.

[Hatake Kakashi]

I also have to agree with Krylo's opinion here. I've been of the type who follow the practice: "If you are not welcome in a town/home/village/family or whatnot, shake the dust off your sandals and continue on your journeys." Something similar was once written to this effect, and I find it to be incredibly good advice.

Granted, I do miss some of the people I once had contact with, but when forced and continued contact only serves to hurt you or bring you down, there's really no option at all.

[BlackMageGirl!]

I will agree with all that was said for the standing up for yourself idiom. But I shall add in this:

but thanks to the internet and phones my dad is still in constant contact with her. As weird as it is, despite how horrible she was to my dad growing up, and continually now, my dad won't stand up to her and just tries to be nice, because, as he says, "She's still my mom." So, I know if I cut off contact, it will probably cause problems for my dad, because she'll just start bitching to him about how he's raised horrible children, and I don't know if I want to put my dad through that.

As harsh as that sounds, that's entirely your father's problem. It's nice that you don't want to cause him problems (believe me, I know I feel the same way about my mother) but your father is an adult. He should be the one to put a stop to such things if he doesn't want to put up with them. You should NOT be responsible for sparing his feelings on this matter.

Hell if after you took this action and it bothers him to a point where it's worrying you get some people together and intervene on his behalf. The only reason your grandmother keeps bothering him about stuff is that he lets her. If that doesn't happen anymore more than likely she'll stop.

[CelesJessa]

As harsh as that sounds, that's entirely your father's problem. It's nice that you don't want to cause him problems (believe me, I know I feel the same way about my mother) but your father is an adult. He should be the one to put a stop to such things if he doesn't want to put up with them. You should NOT be responsible for sparing his feelings on this matter.

Yeah that's what was going through the logical part of my head when I was writing my post earlier about that.

I think, for now at least, I'm going to wash my hands of the current issue between herself and I (although it seems other people are more than willing to pick up the issue and argue with her about it in my stead XD; ). Beyond this, I'm not going to make any effort to communicate with her. When visiting I won't go out of my way to avoid her but I also won't go out of my way to be nice if she's going to be snippy and mean.

I mean... I get why you'd want to build bridges. You see people with happy relationships with their grandparents on TV, you hear coworkers talking about it, whatever else. I get that. I see the same stuff with father and son shit, but you have to just come to a realization that you're not going to have that kind of relationship with her regardless of what you do, and just move on. Stop trying to make her be a pleasant person. Just cut her out of your life.

Yeah, I guess I get caught by this a lot. I see other people and their grandparents and even my nephew with my parents and see "oh hey, this is what grandparents are supposed to be like", and it's hard because the way she treats my cousins compared to my family is like night and day (my dad's youngest brother's family basically can do no wrong, while my dad's family are the problem ones I guess.) so it's kind of like... did I do something wrong? My step-cousin from that family can go out and run away from home and sleep around and everything under the sun and you never hear a negative word in her direction, but I can get on the deans list and get my artwork in a museum and whatever else and it's never enough.

/rant

Oh well.

[Premmy]

Yeah, I guess I get caught by this a lot. I see other people and their grandparents and even my nephew with my parents and see "oh hey, this is what grandparents are supposed to be like", and it's hard because the way she treats my cousins compared to my family is like night and day (my dad's youngest brother's family basically can do no wrong, while my dad's family are the problem ones I guess.) so it's kind of like... did I do something wrong? My step-cousin from that family can go out and run away from home and sleep around and everything under the sun and you never hear a negative word in her direction, but I can get on the deans list and get my artwork in a museum and whatever else and it's never enough.
Well there's family and there's relatives, Family are the people who care about you and look out for you, relatives are people you are connected with via genetics, chance, and legal affairs, the two are'nt the same thing. Just think of all the cousins and whatnot you more than likely have whom you don't know/give a shit about, and who don't know/give a shit about you. Nothing wrong with finding your own family. Where ever they may be, even if it's outside your circle of immediate relatives.

[Bells]

Yeah, I guess I get caught by this a lot. I see other people and their grandparents and even my nephew with my parents and see "oh hey, this is what grandparents are supposed to be like", and it's hard because the way she treats my cousins compared to my family is like night and day (my dad's youngest brother's family basically can do no wrong, while my dad's family are the problem ones I guess.) so it's kind of like... did I do something wrong? My step-cousin from that family can go out and run away from home and sleep around and everything under the sun and you never hear a negative word in her direction, but I can get on the deans list and get my artwork in a museum and whatever else and it's never enough.

/rant

Oh well.

If it serves on anything, i belive we all here think you're quite delightful. also, here's a cupcake.

http://cache.gizmodo.com/assets/resources/2007/10/cupcake_timer.jpg


But seriously, the best thing you can take from this is to do better with your own family. You honestly do have a better chance than that cousin of yours simply because you already have a strong root in "earning what you want" and "being the responsibly one", and that's really huge. So don't worry and "look out for number 1" a bit more.

[Hatake Kakashi]

If it serves on anything, i belive we all here think you're quite delightful. also, here's a cupcake.

http://cache.gizmodo.com/assets/resources/2007/10/cupcake_timer.jpg



I'll second that.

I do have to wonder what the numbers on the foil are for....

[CelesJessa]

If it serves on anything, i belive we all here think you're quite delightful. also, here's a cupcake.

D'aww thanks. :whee:

I do have to wonder what the numbers on the foil are for....

For some reason I thought they kind of looked like a ruler. It makes zero sense, but that's what came to my mind.

[Jagos]

I know I'm a little late but...

I don't have many problems with just cutting her off and never talking or seeing her again(It's not like she'll bother coming to my wedding either), but thanks to the internet and phones my dad is still in constant contact with her. As weird as it is, despite how horrible she was to my dad growing up, and continually now, my dad won't stand up to her and just tries to be nice, because, as he says, "She's still my mom."

My advice would be more of the "give back her medicine respectfully approach" If she wants to be mean, that's fine but you don't let her walk over you. You respectfully (because she's your grandmother) tell her that you'd rather not come to talk to her based on what she's done before. She'll understand the hint.

I say that because I have a similar situation with my own grandmother. I used to live in Vegas and she would rather go gambling than spend time with me, her own grandson. As well, my cousins can get away with a LOT that I couldn't get away with. Regards to family father, your dad sounds a little too easy going. I'm not saying outright rebel against her. But sometimes you have to speak up for yourself rather than taking emotional abuse. My own dad is outspoken but when the argument isn't worth it, he will hang up on his mother if it makes him angry. We have choices to make. Telling others rather than bottling something inside works wonders on your self esteem. :)

[Premmy]

I'll second that.

I do have to wonder what the numbers on the foil are for....

Chocolate is the door to happiness, cupcakes are the combination locks you must solve to open the door.

[Nique]

Just cut her off.


I'd agree with this, with the stipulation that it might be fair on your part to give her warning. I would confront/ write a letter, and just say 'You might not agree to this, but it's not an argument you just need to listen'. Lay out what exactly your problems with her are and tell her until she awknowledges, apologizes for, and changes her behavior, you will not have any contact with her at all, and you will encourage other family members to do the same.

My mother cut off her mom, and I followed suite. There is only so much lying and self-destructive behavior and endangerment to others you can bring before enough is enough. It's pretty much down to if she was in serious trouble or ill, we'd help her, but we don't socialize.

On the other hand, if you REALLY feel like it might be a relationship worth pursuing, you might try learning about HER past and attempting to understand why she is the way she is. Having a heart to heart with her may smooth out your relationship, although it may do very little about her behavior in general.

[Fifthfiend]

Speaking personally my relationship with my psychotic family only ever got better after I started raising high holy hell over their bullshit. It's kind of fucked that the only way my parents can comprehend that they need to deal with their offspring like actual human beings is by swearing a blue streak at them but that's just the way it is.

I generally echo people's advice that the best thing is to just not have anything to do with this woman to the extent that's possible but to the extent that it isnt taking the "high road" just sounds like giving her an excuse to continue doing what she's doing by letting her know there's no reason to ever stop. I mean I can appreciate why most people wouldn't go this way but just speaking personally your grandma mostly sounds like the kind of lady who really, really needs to hear the words "what the everliving fuck is wrong with you, you shitrat-crazy old bag?*"

I mean she'll probably sperg out and get all OFF-FENDED at being talked to the way she completely deserves, and even some or all of your family will take her side because they're too stupid to realize that you're just choosing to deal with a problem that she's responsible for, but ignore that and be a completely stubborn jackass about keeping this up every time she does some godawful thing and she's bound to start thinking twice before she shoots her evil old mouth off in front of you.

...And I don't mean to dismiss the high road either, it's just that the high road only works when you can legitimately see something as beneath you and not having the power to affect you and that doesn't at all sound like what's the case here. Like if someone shoots their mouth off at you and your reaction is to think "huh, you're a lesser human being for having said that" or like "wow I just do not have the energy to care about this petty nonsense", then you're taking the high road. But if that isn't the case and your reaction is to bite your lip and try to swallow back how angry you are at whatever incredibly hurtful bullshit whichever person just said, then you're just taking some shit off of people that you shouldn't be.

*And I realize this sounds pretty extreme but like I said, I've said this or worse to my parents and I hate doing it but it's the only thing that gets through either of their skulls. My dad used to do/does this thing where he'd drive me or my sister to tears or humiliate us in public or whatever and then try to chuckle about it like it was some big damn joke and swearing was and is the only thing that gets him to cut the bullshit and deal with what he'd fucking done.

[Nique]

Speaking personally my relationship with my psychotic family only ever got better after I started raising high holy hell over their bullshit. It's kind of fucked that the only way my parents can comprehend that they need to deal with their offspring like actual human beings is by swearing a blue streak at them but that's just the way it is.


I get this. I've never had to take it this far with anyone, but if you need to put someone in the position where they have to bring you down, there must be a lightbulb or something that goes off if there is any redeemable quality left to them. 'Wow, ok, I must've done something wrong here, cause my kid just laid me out'.

[Amake]

In my experience, spending time and energy on being civil people who are determined to be hostile to you is not worth it. I saw a lot of this in the thread: You should never let anybody walk all over you, especially family. If she wants to be mean, that's fine but you don't let her walk over you But there is always a line somewhere, and you shouldn't let anybody walk over you. And I'm wondering why there's any need for some battle of willpower with someone who wants to "walk all over you". Just stay out of her way.

This message has been brought to you by the What Difference Does Blood Relation Mean Anyway I Have No Idea foundation.

[Nique]

This message has been brought to you by the What Difference Does Blood Relation Mean Anyway I Have No Idea foundation.


It's sort of a social contract thing, and it's only natural to be drawn to those you share some sort of connection with, but even the 'unbreakable bond of family' can be shattered if someone wants to be a big enough jerk.

[Fifthfiend]

In my experience, spending time and energy on being civil people who are determined to be hostile to you is not worth it. I saw a lot of this in the thread: And I'm wondering why there's any need for some battle of willpower with someone who wants to "walk all over you". Just stay out of her way.

This message has been brought to you by the What Difference Does Blood Relation Mean Anyway I Have No Idea foundation.

A lot of it is due to that to one degree or another family just tends to be unavoidable, because the person you can't stand is bound up in a whole web of connections with yourself and a bunch of other people you do presumably like and social obligations to those people and all that sort of thing.

Like I said I completely agree that far and away the best solution is to have nothing to do with this woman. It's just that a lot of times that isn't possible.

[Premmy]

you could do what My crazy-ass uncle did and.. I call it "flipping a Benny" after him, disown the entire fucking family. BUt then, Benny's crazy.Unless you do that, and I'm sure you don't, it's very very hard to cut off just one member of the family completely...