SHOVEL YOUR FUCKING WALK!

[BitVyper]

I'm talking to all you assholes! I just spent my whole GOD DAMNED day trudging through 30 GOD DAMNED centimetres of GOD DAMNED snow, and not one of you fuckers fucking shovelled. And it was god damn fucking wet snow too! It should have taken me fucking three hours to walk my route today, but thanks to you fuckers it took me five and my legs felt like complete shit afterward. Yeah, I just love carrying five fucking pounds of snow on each of my feet while sloughing through the shin-deep wet crap all the way up to your mailbox, which itself is covered in snow and needs to be brushed off, just as much as I love doing it at all five hundred of the other shithole houses on this walk. I especially love not being able to tell where the sidewalk ends and the road begins because nothing has any definition because none of you fuckwads shovels!

And of course, since none of you have seen fit to get rid of the ice on your walks over the past two weeks, I had to deal with hidden fucking ice too. Seriously, I really fucking enjoy dropping all my shit three times and having to resort in the fucking cold while wearing a fucking balaclava. And then every one of you pricks took the snow as an excuse to speed through fucking intersections and nearly fucking hit me.

And heaven forbid I so much as brush against your precious lawn, even though it's hidden under the same GOD DAMNED 30 cm of GOD DAMNED snow as everything else, and because you didn't shovel, I can't GOD DAMN tell where it is! I'm sorry; having your DEAD GRASS stepped on must be incredibly traumatic! I can see now that you've left the snow down so as to cushion your driveway from the harsh blows of my monstrous feet!

And you couldn't just leave it at that, could you? No, it's CHRISTMASSSS!!!1 So every one of you fuckers has to get fifty fucking parcels concentrated in the same GOD DAMNED area so I have to carry them all at once. And then you all fucking want signatures, and none of you are home except for your relatives who speak just enough English to fuck up my sheet, so after my sheet gets fucked up I end up carrying your GOD DAMNED parcels all the way to the end of my walk so I can take them to the GOD DAMNED outlet so you bastards can complain about having to pick them up.

AND NO I DO NOT WANT TO STOP AND MAKE SMALL TALK WITH YOU! All of your jokes are terrible and none of you are attractive enough to make up for it. The next time one of you assholes asks me how I'm liking the weather, I'm going to punch you in the fucking face. WHEN I START TO WALK AWAY FROM YOU, THAT IS A SUBTLE HINT THAT I AM FINISHED TALKING. I AM NOT ASKING YOU TO FOLLOW ME OR SPEAK LOUDER SO THAT I CAN STILL HEAR. I AM ASKING YOU TO SHUT UP YOUR UGLY FACE SO I CAN CONTINUE MOVING AND NOT BE COLD.

You're all a bunch of pricks, and I hope your roofs cave in under the snow. Get it cleaned up by Monday, or I'm gonna start cracking skulls.

And which one of you jackasses keeps opening the fucking hallway window? There's only twelve apartments in this building. I WILL find you.

[Viridis]

I don't have a walk or snow. :(

[BitVyper]

I don't have a walk or snow. :(

THEN YOU SHOULD BE DOING YOUR CIVIC DUTY HELPING OTHER PEOPLE SHOVEL THEIR WALKS! IT IS VERY SIMPLE!

[Krylo]

You know, when I was working all nights, which consisted of getting up at noon, going to work, getting home at like ten thirty pm, and what not, we got a nasty note from the mail man.

I made it my duty to make sure his life was as difficult as possible for the rest of the year.

I'm not shoveling at 11 at night in the ridiculous cold and dark, and I'm not waking up to wear myself out shoveling wet snow for two hours before I go to work (though I did sometimes for light snow) and move heavy ass packages and pallets and ten foot long rolls of carpet and carpet padding for 8. Not to mention how that would fuck up the sleep cycles I needed for that shift, and there was no one else at my home who could have conceivably shoveled.

You'll wait until I have a day off just like I have to. Oh wait, no you won't, because you gone done pissed me off. You'll wait until I can't get my car out of the driveway unless I shovel, now.

If you don't like dealing with shitty snow issues, you PROBABLY should find a different job.

I mean, I'm sure there were people that COULD have reasonably shoveled every time it snowed, but there's people that can't either.

Though I totally sympathize with people that just won't shut the fuck up. I hate that. My package deliveries never got more than "I have a package for you, could you sign this?" "*sign* Thanks" "Have a good day" "You too"

[BitVyper]

Yeah well, here in CANADA, I can cut off your mail and call bylaw enforcement after 48 hours, so you'll shovel when I say so!

Actually, in all honesty I don't really mind one here or there. However, when it's only one here or there that people actually HAVE shovelled, it gets pretty damn annoying. I've seen an old man in a wheelchair shovelling his walk. If he can do it, the rest of you can. I have to walk through a whole damn lot to get your mail to you. Doing it through a mountain of snow does not help to put me on your side.

Besides, it takes like, ten minutes to shovel a walk, or hell, just make one little path. That takes two.

[Nightshine]

Yeah well, here in CANADA, I can cut off your mail and call bylaw enforcement after 48 hours, so you'll shovel when I say so!

Actually, in all honesty I don't really mind one here or there. However, when it's only one here or there that people actually HAVE shovelled, it gets pretty damn annoying. I've seen an old man in a wheelchair shovelling his walk. If he can do it, the rest of you can.

I'm Canadian, and guess where I live?

In an apartment.

So people do it for me.

Sucker.

[BitVyper]

I'm Canadian, and guess where I live?

In an apartment.

So people do it for me.

Sucker.

See my response to Viridis.

[Krylo]

THEN YOU SHOULD BE DOING YOUR CIVIC DUTY HELPING OTHER PEOPLE SHOVEL THEIR WALKS! IT IS VERY SIMPLE!

See my response to Viridis.

Yeah, I don't have a job now and have plenty of time to shovel, but all the same, if either of you guys want to come and do your civic duty on my driveway, I'll be more than happy to let you.

[BitVyper]

do your civic duty on my driveway

Hee hee hee hee

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

So, I am from a small town just outside of Edmonton (waves to Bit), and we got dumped on. Our house is on a secondary hiway where the county plows go through, heaping up atleast 2 1/2 feet of snow on our drive way which I have to then clean off.

[Fifthfiend]

IIRC you can be held legally liable if you don't shovel and then someone on your property (sidewalk anyway) slips and hurts themselves.

[BitVyper]

So, I am from a small town just outside of Edmonton (waves to Bit), and we got dumped on. Our house is on a secondary hiway where the county plows go through, heaping up atleast 2 1/2 feet of snow on our drive way which I have to then clean off.

God I love Alberta winters. Nothing nothing nothing BAM! TWO FEET OF SNOW AND MINUS 30, ASSHOLES! Admitably, the temperature was actually alright today, but that's why we got so much snow. It's going to drop tomorrow, sadly.

[Geminex]

Sudden thought: Are flamethrowers illegal in canada?
I'm guessing they are.
They shouldn't be.

[Krylo]

IIRC you can be held legally liable if you don't shovel and then someone on your property (sidewalk anyway) slips and hurts themselves.

Not if you drag them into your house, shoot them, and then call the police and say they invaded and threatened you.

God I love Alberta winters. Nothing nothing nothing BAM! TWO FEET OF SNOW AND MINUS 30, ASSHOLES! Admitably, the temperature was actually alright today, but that's why we got so much snow. It's going to drop tomorrow, sadly. Minnesota is the same way.

Edit: Sudden thought: Are flamethrowers illegal in canada?
I'm guessing they are.
They shouldn't be.

I would never not 'shovel' again if I had one.

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

God I love Alberta winters. Nothing nothing nothing BAM! TWO FEET OF SNOW AND MINUS 30, ASSHOLES! Admitably, the temperature was actually alright today, but that's why we got so much snow. It's going to drop tomorrow, sadly.

My parents are blaming me for this as yesterday while I was shopping, I was whistling white christmas. When I went to bed, the sky and cloud cover was a navy blue, and the rule is in winter; Blue night sky, no snow, orange/pink night sky, snow is coming.

There was blue night sky last night, my world has been turned upside down.

[BitVyper]

It's not your fault. On Sunday I went to a play and the girl I was with kept noting how weird it was for us to not have snow yet. I told her not to tempt nature! I will chastise her severely for this.

[Wigmund]

Don't people have mailboxes that you drive up to and drop off the bastard's mail up there in Canada? Because down here I haven't seen the postal service deliver on foot, especially during wintry weather.

[BitVyper]

Don't people have mailboxes that you drive up to and drop off the bastard's mail up there in Canada? Because down here I haven't seen the postal service deliver on foot, especially during wintry weather.

A lot of newer places have community mailboxes, yeah.

[Mike McC]

IIRC you can be held legally liable if you don't shovel and then someone on your property (sidewalk anyway) slips and hurts themselves.Actually, in some places you are more legally liable if you do shovel and someone slips and hurts themselves on any ice you might have missed. Leaving it be is as nature intended it, but if you shovel then you fucked up and it's your goddamned fault.

Laws are wonderful.

[Geminex]

My parents are blaming me for this as yesterday while I was shopping, I was whistling white christmas. When I went to bed, the sky and cloud cover was a navy blue, and the rule is in winter; Blue night sky, no snow, orange/pink night sky, snow is coming.

There was blue night sky last night, my world has been turned upside down.


Could be worse. You could have been whistling "christmas at ground zero".

[Mike McC]

My parents are blaming me for this as yesterday while I was shopping, I was whistling white christmas. When I went to bed, the sky and cloud cover was a navy blue, and the rule is in winter; Blue night sky, no snow, orange/pink night sky, snow is coming.

There was blue night sky last night, my world has been turned upside down.You do realize it's "Red sky at night, sailor's delight; red sky at morning, sailor's warning," correct?

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

Could be worse. You could have been whistling "christmas at ground zero".

True. so very true.

edit for above: Yeah I know that rule and abide by it.

[Wigmund]

A lot of newer places have community mailboxes, yeah.

Here's a real mailbox.
http://www.wildfinds.com/pics/redneck_mailbox.jpg
Postman doesn't even have to get off his ass to drop off mail, just chucks it through his window into the box.

[BitVyper]

Yeah, those ones are sweet. Unfortunately there's one problem: They build our routes for what they consider to be eight hours of work one way or another (note that they tend to err on the side of "fuck you" and just fight the union for every second, so eight subjective hours can easily become fourteen actual hours). This means that whether a route is good or not depends less on what is there and more on how drunk the route measurement types were the day they designed it.

[Regulus Tera]

I saw snow for the first time in my life today. It was fucking awesome.

Mr. Sanshiro you should chill out.

[BitVyper]

I tried to take my car out of the parking lot a little while ago. After travelling about five metres, I just barely managed limp it back to its parking space where it will sit until the plows get in here tomorrow.

Snow IS awesome... as long as you don't need to go anywhere through a large amount of it. Then it becomes the unrelenting will of mother nature incarnate.

[Krylo]

Nope.

Snow sucks.

I've lived with it for 27 years, and it was cool for the first 10-20 or so.

Now?

Now snow can just go and fuck itself right in its icy asshole.

[Geminex]

Like I said. Legalize flamethrowers. Get your union to demand one for every postal workers.

Cons: Cost, 20-30 kg of extra weight to carry around.
Pros: You can shoot fucking flames oh my god thats awesome, melt snow, shut up anyone who annoys you by pointing it at them

As an added bonus, Canada will suddenly be least susceptible to zombie invasions.

[BitVyper]

Nope.

Snow sucks.

I've lived with it for 27 years, and it was cool for the first 10-20 or so.

Now?

Now snow can just go and fuck itself right in its icy asshole.

I've lived in it for 25, and I still think it's pretty cool stuff when it's not interfering with me getting to places. There's a lot of things I love about it, like the way it absorbs sound so the whole world is quieter.

[Wigmund]

I'd love snow, all I've gotten for the past couple of years is ice with a dusting on it, just to make it really slick.

[Viridis]

Just ice so far tonight, but my family and a friend got snow an hour's drive to the east.

I shall remain annoyed until I get my own personal winter wonderland to frolic in/avoid while claiming Ragnarok is at hand. Whichever I fee like at the moment.

[krogothwolf]

Blizzard with white conditions here. 50cm of snow and climbing. Windy as hell. Been snowing since 10am today, its now almost 10pm. Goddamn sucks monkey balls cause I had to wait an hour out in the cold for a stupid bus to show up that was an hour late! and they come every 15 minutes at that time.

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

I am shoveling tomorrow but had to remove the snow from my deck tonight.

I couldn't open the door.

[Seil]

You know, last winter, when we got a metric fuckton of snow - not to be confused with a fuckounce, a fuckgram or a fuckteaspoon - we did shovel. Quite literally, it was about five hours worth of work.

Then the snow plow came and in order to get back into the driveway, we had to shovel. Through all this, the roads remained slick and icy, with people abandoning their cars after they became stuck in snow banks or digging themselves out of a particularly snowed in intersection.

That was the year that the mayor was lynched for not keepin the plows in working order.

[BitVyper]

Yeah, but you live in BC, that's what happens when it snows there. Driving walking around Vancouver after a bad snow is one of life's little pleasures for outsiders.

[Mondt]

You know whats the worst?

Leaf blowers

"Oh, I'll just blows all my leaves into the street so people have to drive over them instead of just putting them in goddamn trash bags like I have an ounce of responsibility for my property."

Yeah, fuck you.

[BitVyper]

You know whats the worst?

Leaf blowers

"Oh, I'll just blows all my leaves into the street so people have to drive over them instead of just putting them in goddamn trash bags like I have an ounce of responsibility for my property."

Yeah, fuck you.

Ever seen someone try to do snow-removal with a leaf blower? I have. It's indescribably stupid. Takes five times as long as a shovel and it doesn't really work very well.

[Mike McC]

You see, here, in St. Louis, it does not snow. It follows a pattern like that which follows:

Rain - ice/sleet - snow - rain - freezing rain - snow - snow - ice - ice - ice

What this creates is a solid crust with the strength of steel and the approximate density and mass of lead.

You just learn to walk on it here.

[Loyal]

I wish I had some snow. We got a bit of it in October (!?), but aside from a few sparse nights we've had a very pleasant late autumn.

I'm gonna be walking to work for the winter now that my bike has been deemed untrustworthy, so it'd be nice if I had some snow to crunch under my feet.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

If you guys are going to live in the polar centre of the world you can't complain about snow. Go live somewhere warm- problem solved.


Yeah, those ones are sweet. Unfortunately there's one problem: They build our routes for what they consider to be eight hours of work one way or another (note that they tend to err on the side of "fuck you" and just fight the union for every second, so eight subjective hours can easily become fourteen actual hours). This means that whether a route is good or not depends less on what is there and more on how drunk the route measurement types were the day they designed it.

Oh fuck, one of my mates designs postal routes for our mail service and is the laziest fucker ever. He's supposed to traverse all the routes himself but mostly he uses Google Streetview to wander them or people he knows who live nearby.

[batgirl]

You know what's really bad? Trying to drag a person on stretcher through the snow and up a giant ice filled driveway so full of crap and ice that not even the ambulance can park there.

Tiny stretcher wheels + snow = pain

Really families, I know your mom/dad/uncle/grandpa etc is terminally ill, and I know it's been a long day of finally getting him out of Hospice to be able to come home and be with his family for his last few days on Earth. But really families, would it kill you to at least put some salt down or shovel a small path so the stretcher can get through? I've wrapped your family member up in enough blankets to bake him at a slow 350, but we can't be outside dragging his weight plus the stretcher's 110lbs forever. Oh, and thanks for not putting any salt down, it was great to slip and slide around your driveway and even better to slip up your five ice filled steps into your house.

I'm just happy it hasn't snowed on Long Island yet. As a Canuck I know how bad the snow can get, and I don't mind shoveling the comparable pittance of snow NY gets, but seriously, dragging a stretcher through the snow here sucks, and people don't think things through here at all.

[Oron]

You see, here, in St. Louis, it does not snow. It follows a pattern like that which follows:

Rain - ice/sleet - snow - rain - freezing rain - snow - snow - ice - ice - ice

What this creates is a solid crust with the strength of steel and the approximate density and mass of lead.

You just learn to walk on it here.

This right here. The winter pattern also seems to guarantee a traffic accident on the highway each day, as people tend to think four wheel drive means they can traverse icy roads at 60 mph.

Out in the county neighborhoods it isn't quite so bad. We usually shovel the few inches of snow, layer pounds of salt over all of the ice, and scrape it off with shovels unless the ice becomes so thick it's impenetrable.

[Bob The Mercenary]

Fuck yes!

Try delivering a hospital bed assembly to the second floor of an apartment complex that is so thoroughly unshoveled that the snow has frozen over into a ice fortress of doom.

And batgirl, we just got our first snow today, 3 inches. So, just a heads up. :)

[CABAL49]

I used to live at the top of a steep hill that was iced over for days. North Carolina is not prepared for snow(Considering this was that was the first time I had actually seen any in six years.)

[Doc ock rokc]

at least you guys have snow. Hell even people south of me have snow. THE Biggest snow storm Texas has seen in years comes and COMPLETELY MISSES MY COUNTY! while hitting everyone north, west, east and south of us in at least a half a inch of REAL SNOW not Texas Sleet "Snow" or Texas supercooled water freezing on contact "Snow" powered not ice snow...that stuck on concrete! GAH! I WOULD LOVE TO SHOVEL SNOW! WHICH IS INFINITELY MORE FUN THEN ICE SCRAPING!

You know whats the worst?

Leaf blowers

"Oh, I'll just blows all my leaves into the street so people have to drive over them instead of just putting them in goddamn trash bags like I have an ounce of responsibility for my property."

Yeah, fuck you.

DONT EVEN START! I live at the bottom of a hill filled with ass holes that do this. So every year i have to break out a shovel and scoop up Mulched leaves/water. the last time took 10+ hours because of the wet (NOT SNOWY) Winter made the damn leaves, BOGS! that tripled the weights of not only every shovel but the damn bags as well.WHICH RIP BECAUSE 2 PHYSICALLY FIT MEN CAN'T LIFT IT A DAMN INCH OF THE GROUND FOR MORE THEN A DAMN SECOND!

[Odjn]

You know, when I was working all nights, which consisted of getting up at noon, going to work, getting home at like ten thirty pm, and what not, we got a nasty note from the mail man.

I made it my duty to make sure his life was as difficult as possible for the rest of the year.

I'm not shoveling at 11 at night in the ridiculous cold and dark, and I'm not waking up to wear myself out shoveling wet snow for two hours before I go to work (though I did sometimes for light snow) and move heavy ass packages and pallets and ten foot long rolls of carpet and carpet padding for 8. Not to mention how that would fuck up the sleep cycles I needed for that shift, and there was no one else at my home who could have conceivably shoveled.

You'll wait until I have a day off just like I have to. Oh wait, no you won't, because you gone done pissed me off. You'll wait until I can't get my car out of the driveway unless I shovel, now.

If you don't like dealing with shitty snow issues, you PROBABLY should find a different job.

I mean, I'm sure there were people that COULD have reasonably shoveled every time it snowed, but there's people that can't either.

Though I totally sympathize with people that just won't shut the fuck up. I hate that. My package deliveries never got more than "I have a package for you, could you sign this?" "*sign* Thanks" "Have a good day" "You too"

You know, if you do that they shouldn't have to deliver to your slot.

If I were a mailman, I wouldn't deliver to any slot that was smelly, or took more time to get to than driving to the next house, or where I get interrupted mid delivery by some pet they keep around.

Basically speaking, there's tons of well kept slots I can deliver to and if you make trouble I can go to them.

[Raiden]

When you stop bringing me Jury Duty slips, THEN we'll talk about snow shoveling.

[Pip Boy]

Y'know, back in the day I made DAMNED SURE that there weren't no sidewalks unshoveled within like a mile of my house. For the small fee of 15 dollars a house. Lets face it, shoveling snow is one of the best gigs in the world. Even had a long-term arrangement with the homes closest to my own that I would be paid 20 a week to keep the driveways clear. It usually snowed one to two times a week, tops, and I got to where I could clear em pretty quick, about an hour tops. So when you wanna look at it all mathematical like, I was making 20 dollars an hour shovelling snow in the mornings.

The lesson here is that the lazy bastards who aren't doing their civic duty on their driveway are doing their civic duty with the neighbor kid by hiring him to do some civic duty for them. Unless they aren't hiring the neighbor kid. In which case they're lazy bastards.