Kidnap Mr Sandy Claws?

[Seil]

Because I know half of you were expecting a video to go with the title. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMNSk-oMNqw) And because you were extra good this year, have another one. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UGP7_uvuUo&feature=related)

Santa traps. Now, if NPF is going to steal Christmas, we need one. What's first on the agenda? Oh, right - supplies. It's supplies, plan, and escape route. Because Santa's magic, whatever net we throw at him won't hold him for long.

Oh, but you're expecting me to give out my plan? oh, no. Heavens to betsy no - I'm not going to trap Saint Nick. I want presents this year. Because I know whatever I try, he'll circumvent it. Because he's magic.

[Geminex]

What if we drug him (put something in his milk and cookies), insert electrodes into his brain and make him think he's still delivering presents? That way he won't free himself because he won't know he's been caught. Then we replace him with Fifthfiend, who then delivers Anthrax to all the little kiddies. Then we threaten to do it again next year unless we get Canada.

[Bob The Mercenary]

Instead of cookies and milk give him Vodka and Percocet. He'll stick around for a while.

I've always wondered. Since he waits for you to go to sleep, does he have to, like, divert his flight and backlog until the little twits who stayed up too late go to sleep? Like he'll be cruising around Egypt and all of a sudden flight traffic control will buzz him saying "oh yeah, that one kid in Fiji passed out. You're all clear."

[Bells]

Put a strong Laxative in the milk and secure all nearby Bathrooms, that way we drain his strength (Santa clearly has acess to arcane magiks) and can subdue him quickly.

[krogothwolf]

Well, if RPG's have taught me anything it's you have to smack Santa with his opposing element to really get him down. Santa is probably Ice so the best bet is a napalm rigged chimny to get him for maximum damage. If that doesn't work, you could always use the Curse to make him here the screams of every child he put on the Naughty list.

[Dracorion]

What if we rad-killing unicorn motorcycle him (put something in his milk and cookies), insert electrodes into his brain and make him think he's still delivering presents? That way he won't free himself because he won't know he's been caught. Then we replace him with Fifthfiend, who then delivers Anthrax to all the little kiddies. Then we threaten to do it again next year unless we get Canada.

No, no, see, we threaten to do it unless we get New York. That wat we're small enough that no one thinks we can do anything but we've dealt a crippling blow to our biggest adversary. What, you say we're surrounded? Heh, good luck getting past mechas, Fifthfiend, Smarty and Snake.

[Si Civa]

We are not "stealing" or "ruining" Christmas, we are making it better! With flamethrowers.

That's what I said to the press.


Also air defence missiles people, we're going to shoot down jolly good old Santa. Bombs for the victory and high culture.

[Flarecobra]

Thing is, I think he's resistant to fire, seeing as he's gone down chimmnys...some of which I'm sure has to have a fire going in them. I'd say he'd be more Wind or something along those lines.

Oh, and I suspect he knows Time Magics too.

Thankfully, we have a homing beacon placed on his sleigh, so we know his position. (http://www.noradsanta.org/en/index.html)

[Rejected Again]

Ok, here is the plan. Seil you use Slowaga on the deer. Krogo and Si will then provide sniper support while I cast haste on the strike team (Bob, Bells and myself.) before we move in to point blank range to deploy the stun guns. Everyone else use the mechs and SAM batteries to provide a proper perimeter.

Team Super Cool Alpha Wolf Dynamite go!

[Bard The 5th LW]

Fools! Santa sees everything, including our conspiring against him on the internet.

We need a good Indy Ploy and/or unspoken plan to properly combat St. Nicholas and his elven army.

[PyrosNine]

I will just give him a flaming shoryuken like I did a christmas long ago in an adventure well remembered.

[Wigmund]

Sorry everybody, it looks like someone else got him (http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicken/norad-vs-santa.html).

[Si Civa]

All these so called plans are lacking cross dressing. Every fine and sophisticated plan needs little bit magic in it to work. Ask fairies if you don't believe me.

Oh, and we need biscuits! I can brig the tea though, so no worries about that babies.

[Wigmund]

Oh, and we need biscuits!

Biscuits?
http://www.rent-a-clue.com/~leaf/album/objects/biscuits_6871.jpg
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3423/3226694151_c17c059d9b.jpg

Since when did Santa have a thing for biscuits?

[Si Civa]

I never said that they were for Santa, did I? :)

[Dracorion]

They're to distract the reindeer! Those fuckers are real dangerous.

[Seil]

LET'S MAKE BISCUITS! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqB82xyp308&feature=related)

[Geminex]

We can make Dwarf biscuits! Then we can throw them at santa to deal 8d6 damage!

[krogothwolf]

The dwarf biscuits would be best used to deal with his hidden elf allies. They do extra damage against them.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

I've got an army of, Androids, artificial zombies (non contagious for obvious reasons), and Vampire cat energy beings.

All sitting around collecting dust, so why not, I guess I can get in on the fun.

[Bard The 5th LW]

I am armed with a broken musket, a watch that can effectively be equated to a pistol whip, a crate of fire-works with only one match, and several ink cartridges, so I can be quite proficient at Schrodinger-Fu.

[Dracorion]

I've got an army of, Androids, artificial zombies (non contagious for obvious reasons), and Vampire cat energy beings.

All sitting around collecting dust, so why not, I guess I can get in on the fun.

We'll arm you and your guys with the biscuits and you can take the ninja elves.

I am armed with a broken musket, a watch that can effectively be equated to a pistol whip, a crate of fire-works with only one match, and several ink cartridges, so I can be quite proficient at Schrodinger-Fu.

You'll play support for Kyanbu and his guys.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

We'll arm you and your guys with the biscuits and you can take the ninja elves.



You'll play support for Kyanbu and his guys.

Alright then, I'll await for the supplies. In the mean time, I'll prep my units for launch.

[Bard The 5th LW]

I'll be sure to get drunk in the meantime.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

It's almost show time.

[Bard The 5th LW]

All Right Guys, Lets Do This!

LEEROY JENKINS!

[Flarecobra]

Ladies and Gentlemen, he is currentally in Canada. And he's already hit the entire US East of the Mississippi. Currentally moving South, heading to Wisconson.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

My units are moving in to intercept.

[Flarecobra]

And apperentally he can enter space, as he has visited the International Space Station already.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

I have a fleet of virtuaroids and fighters in orbit near there. They should be able to intercept him.

[Wigmund]

He's already passed through Arkansas and looks to be heading into Central America.

Not even Darkseid is safe from the Judgment of Santa.
http://www.quickstopentertainment.com/comics101/images/2003/dec24/darkseid.jpg

Santa can't be stopped! We're all doomed! Doomed I tell you!

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Well he shot down all of my virtuaroids. But I'm not done yet! I still have my Temjin 747 a8 special unit! There's no way he can stop them!

[Wigmund]

Apparently Santa has run into some trouble down in the jungles...
http://fc02.deviantart.com/fs41/f/2009/024/a/5/zombie_ogre_vs_santa_by_jameswolf.jpg

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Hmm, we can use this to our advantage. My remaining fleet is heading to the location now.

It also seems I've lost contact with my temjin 747 a8 special unit. I can only assume the worst.

[Flarecobra]

I have a Theory.

Santa....is a Time Lord.

His Sleigh is his TARDIS. That's why he can carry so much, and move so fast.

Also, my computer went down for a bit. Possable counter-attack? And he's now in the Southwestern US. Anti-Air batteries are ready.

[Wigmund]

TV Tropes has beaten you to that one Flare. Check under 'People' on the list of Time Lords (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WMG/TimeLord), complete with sleigh = TARDIS conjecture.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

I've spoted Santa heading over the middle east. My fleet is currently engaging what seems to be his fleet of elves.

Oh dear god, THEY HAVE GUNDAMS!!!

[Premmy]

I have a Theory.

Santa....is a Time Lord.

His Sleigh is his TARDIS. That's why he can carry so much, and move so fast.

Also, my computer went down for a bit. Possable counter-attack? And he's now in the Southwestern US. Anti-Air batteries are ready.

Actually, if he is, as you said earlier, a wind elemental of some kind, it'd make more sense. It'd explain his speed, and ability to pass unseen. If he and his gifts could turn into wind, he'd be able to carry them anywhere.....

[Flarecobra]

He isn't in the middle East. He's in Utah!

[Kyanbu The Legend]

He isn't in the middle East. He's in Utah!

Wait then...

Crap! it was a decoy!

[Wigmund]

Wait then...

Crap! it was a decoy!

Santa didn't really hit the Middle East.
7086

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Then what the hell did I attack?...

Ah shit... I should probably fall back now.

I'm sending my remaining fleet towards Utah. though given everything that's happened so far. We may be to late.

[Flarecobra]

He's currentally in Colorado

[Kyanbu The Legend]

My fleet just might be able to catch him this time. We're almost to Wyoming.

[mauve]

Hmmm. Getting closer to my turf. I'll have the steampunk airship fleet on red alert.

(This thread is seriously the most amusing thing I've seen all day. Thank you, NPF.)

[Flarecobra]

He's headed to Canada!

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Perfect!

I have a small unit ready to ambush him that I had left there just in case.

[Flarecobra]

Hmmm. Getting closer to my turf. I'll have the steampunk airship fleet on red alert.

(This thread is seriously the most amusing thing I've seen all day. Thank you, NPF.)

What about your X-wing?

[Wigmund]

Why attack him while he's travelling?

We know where his home base is...
7088

There's only one way to make sure Santa is stopped. We must destroy the North Pole...
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/nuke.jpg

[Flarecobra]

But he's got cloaking fields. We've sent up expeditions up there and they've found nothing. Nor the subs.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

I'll see If I can get the moon gate cannon up in running in time for his return home.

My small unit was able to take out most of his defenses before being swarmed to death by elf fighters.

[mauve]

What about your X-wing?

I'll be using it to lead my mighty airship fleet to glorious victory, of course.

[Wigmund]

NORAD knows where the fiend's slave workshops are, just look at their map.

We can rough-shot the area with a dozen nukes just to make sure.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Moon gate Cannon is up and online. satellite funnels are up and running.

IN short I might be able to snipe him from the moon or the satellite funnels.

[Flarecobra]

You know...he visited them...HE'S IN LEAGUE WITH THEM!

[Kyanbu The Legend]

You know...he visited them...HE'S IN LEAGUE WITH THEM!

Wait but he couldn't have token control of my moon base could he?

[Flarecobra]

The Tracker is acting up here for me. Anyone else experancing problems?

[Wigmund]

I don't think I've had any troubles when I bring the tracker up, but the fiend could know that we're using it to track him.

Wait...
Something's not right here. I found this picture, someone already got Santa.
http://siking.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/f527.jpg
But that picture looks pretty old...

Does this mean that Santa is really a...
http://www.bloggerheads.com/images/zombie_santa.jpg
Zombie!?

[Flarecobra]

I still think he's a Time Lord

[Kyanbu The Legend]

He's heading to Seattle Washington!

[Flarecobra]

Drones are proving ineffective. Prepping Pulse Cannon.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Drones are proving ineffective. Prepping Pulse Cannon.

Caution! His elves have gain control over my satellite funnels as well as the moon gate cannon!

[Flarecobra]

Firing Pulse Cannon, prepping Intercepters and Buzz Droids.

UPDATE: That was a negative on impact. Launching Intercepters and spreading out the droids.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

I have recaptured the Satellite Funnels from his elves. The Moon Gate Cannon however... so much.

[Flarecobra]

He is coming this way. I'm taking this fight hand-to-head. *Grabs spear and heads out*

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Positioning Satellite Funnels, charging remote V-Crystal cores.

[Flarecobra]

I've got him on the run....and slowed down...

Ow.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Firing Satellite Funnel Cannons!

[Flarecobra]

I think you hit a seagull.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

CRAP!!!

Recharging Satellite Funnels.

[Flarecobra]

....I think he's got an Agent Smith-esque ability to swap positions with anything on Earth...what do you think?

On the plus side, I now got chicken for dinner tomarrow.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

It's possible.

Truth be told even I'm not sure if we even know the full extent of his powers yet.

[POS Industries]

And then this happened...
http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o159/posindustries/santa.jpg

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Well... crap... that could be a problem...

[Si Civa]

For the love of baby Jesus and Buddha, run you fools, run! There's nothing we can do anymore.

And throw the teapot! It's mint flavoured so it can break ice! It might do something, like nothing at all, but that's better than anything we got, right?

[Kyanbu The Legend]

For the love of baby Jesus and Buddha, run you fools, run! There's nothing we can do anymore.

And throw the teapot! It's mint flavoured so it can break ice! It might do something, like nothing at all, but that's better than anything we got, right?

We still have my Satellite funnel Cannons right? That's... something... sorta...

[Si Civa]

Use them! And free the bears... Did I say bears?

Shit, shit, shit, I know the way, but it might be dangerous! We must, oh boy, oh boy, summon Winnie the Pooh.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Charging Satellite Funnel Cannons to 100% power. Positioning Funnels.

EDIT: TARGET LOCKED! FIRE!!!

[Seil]

Ladies and Gentlemen, the system works. (http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBlN7X0sQzU)

[POS Industries]

Ladies and Gentlemen, the system works. (http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBlN7X0sQzU)
Oh, such delicious irony.

[Wigmund]

Ladies and Gentlemen, the system works. (http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBlN7X0sQzU)

Guess what was posted earlier...
Sorry everybody, it looks like someone else got him (http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicken/norad-vs-santa.html).
:p

[Geminex]

Dammit, I missed out on the hunt.

But from what I hear, we're not done yet. Santa may have escaped... but he is weakened. His elves have sustained horrendous casualties and he himself has lost much of his powers due to the injuries we've inflicted.

Now is the time to go after him.
Because this isn't just about Christmas. This... this is personal.

At 2300 hours GMT I and an elite strike force will descend into Santa's lair. We're going after the fat man himself. Who's with me?

[Si Civa]

We need bombs dressed up as kids to give Santa the final blow. Keep that in your mind.

I mean, isn't he supposed to have children in his lap when they tell him what they want for Christmas?

[Kyanbu The Legend]

I do believe so. Though he mostly uses decoys.

[Bard The 5th LW]

I slept pretty well, guess I missed a lot though.

[Dracorion]

Ladies and gentlemen, I return victorious! The battle was long and grueling, but me and my men have finally managed to secure control of Santa's workshop! Huzzah!

His troops have ceased their attempts to retake it for the time being, but I suspect they are preparing for a massive counterattack and request additional troops to reinforce my own.

Men, if we can pull this off, we'll have access to the highest level technology in the planet, or maybe even the galaxy. My troops have already incorporated gundams and a variety of pulse weaponry to the defence. Transform and roll out!

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Ladies and gentlemen, I return victorious! The battle was long and grueling, but me and my men have finally managed to secure control of Santa's workshop! Huzzah!

His troops have ceased their attempts to retake it for the time being, but I suspect they are preparing for a massive counterattack and request additional troops to reinforce my own.

Men, if we can pull this off, we'll have access to the highest level technology in the planet, or maybe even the galaxy. My troops have already incorporated gundams and a variety of pulse weaponry to the defence. Transform and roll out!

With reinforcements and my orbital defense system that can rain death from above. We really won't have to worry too much about that being a major problem.

[Flarecobra]

http://d.yimg.com/a/p/uc/20091225/largeimagecrstr091225.gif

Ever had a sense of deja-vu?

[Dracorion]

WWMD?

Wait till he's drinking the milk, then hit him in the throat with the candy cane, and use the note to stuff his mouth so he can't spit the milk out.