FF Crystal Bearers: Wherein NonCon can't see a goddamn motherfucking thing

[Kim]

Okay, seriously what the fucking shit is up with this goddamn camera. Moving through corridors is like someone taking a ballpoint pen and alternating which eye they fucking stab you in. The platforming has potential, and the combat isn't completely terrible but seriously guys THIS FUCKING CAMERA.

Fucking Christ I cannot remember the last time I saw a camera this terrible. I am desperately searching for a worse example of cameraman-ness than what is in this game.

Past that, it's mildly fun to dick around, and I liked throwing people down the garbage chute. I don't give a damn about the plot, and wish there was some actual combat beyond "Throw shit, motherfucker!" but it wouldn't be half bad if it weren't for the camera.

[Bells]

To be honest, i found it boring.

Yes, the camera is fucking terrible, and the combat and platforming mildly amusing. I also liked the main character, Layle... actually for some reason, the subtitle says Layle, even though everyone in the game keeps saying it like it was "Leo" for some god damn reason...

The game looks good, voice acting is actually pretty nice and the story seems to have potetion to actually go somewhere.... but i could'nt care for it. I just kept thinking "Fuck this, i have Chocobo Mystery Dungeon..."

[Mirai Gen]

Looked this game up on YouTube.

I want to know why it looked like Final Fantasy Xtreme Beach Volleyball for no reason for like 10 seconds.

[phil_]

Looked this game up on YouTube.

I want to know why it looked like Final Fantasy Xtreme Beach Volleyball for no reason for like 10 seconds.Because Belle, the worst character in the game. She's worse than the camera.

Speaking of the camera, by about the time I first rode the shuttle I was using the d-pad to steer and the analog stick was for moving forward. This mostly solved my camera problems, though the fights in the Areal Prison still end up being "Shit! Shit! Where are the robots oh god!" moments.

[Mirai Gen]

Holy fuck this got 30/40 from Famitsu. Why. Maybe the voice actors are less painful in Japanese but goddamn.

[Loyal]

Because Belle, the worst character in the game. She's worse than the camera.Ugh, yes. Useless, screechy, narcissistic twit.

To clarify on the beach Xtreme Beach Volleyball bit, Selkie females have a game where they try to use their asses to knock each other off a buoyant platform (and while a wanted criminal referees, but hey details), to settle territory disputes and other things.

The aerial prison fight was ridiculously fun for me. It's a shame there weren't more enemies you could just rip apart like that instead of simply throwing (things at) them

[Nightshine]

Why does anybody play this horrible franchise in the first place?

[Mirai Gen]

Nightshine man I made you an avatar and everything! You need to use it!!!

http://pics.livejournal.com/miraigen/pic/000xa3hqTo clarify on the beach Xtreme Beach Volleyball bit, Selkie females have a game where they try to use their asses to knock each other off a buoyant platform (and while a wanted criminal referees, but hey details), to settle territory disputes and other things.
That...that may be the stupidest thing I've ever heard of.

[Loyal]

And now it's the stupidest thing you've ever seen as well. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ka9-vSd9noU)

[Locke cole]

I enjoyed it, actually. I had a lot of fun with combat once I progresed from "throw crap at things" to "grab enemies and use their abilities against each other". I had so much fun thrwing monsters at Bombs and watching the bomb explode, taking every monster around him with it.

[Mirai Gen]

And now it's the stupidest thing you've ever seen as well. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ka9-vSd9noU)

Good fucking lord. When I said XBV I was hoping it was an exaggeration, cause like, oh haha, looks kind of like it on first glance, and they're wearing basically bikinis, come to find out oh christ that's exactly what it is.

[Kim]

Speaking of the camera, by about the time I first rode the shuttle I was using the d-pad to steer and the analog stick was for moving forward. This mostly solved my camera problems, though the fights in the Areal Prison still end up being "Shit! Shit! Where are the robots oh god!" moments.

I suppose that could work, though the camera would still be shit, but trying to constantly use the d-pad while having your trigger finger on B feels really awkward because the d-pad is positioned just a tad bit too far forward on the Wiimote for that.

EDIT: On the plus side, I've been needing a game to review that I can get really pissed about so this is sort of a blessing in disguise.

[Mirai Gen]

I'm feeling the same way about Demon'sssssssSoulsssss.

[Kim]

Holy fuck this got 30/40 from Famitsu. Why. Maybe the voice actors are less painful in Japanese but goddamn.

If you think Famitsu could give a Squeenix game a bad score you are fucking kidding yourself.

[phil_]

I had a lot of fun with combat once I progresed from "throw crap at things" to "grab enemies and use their abilities against each other".Tonberries, man, Tonberries. OHKO on just about anything I've used them against, but you just get one stab. Makes Goblin Samurai into a joke instead of a protracted battle of "ARGHJUSTDIEALREADYTIME'SRUNNINGOUTYOUNON-THREAT!"

I should go see if I can grab a Tonberry Queen; maybe I'll get to use her chainsaw... "This is cool" indeed...

[mauve]

The combat was amusing most of the time, although the time limits were a real pain in the ass when trying to figure out a certain monster's weakness, or alternately. trying to explore or play minigames between monster sessions. I got bored of trying to kill the giant clockwork monsters in the harvest fields pretty quickly. I don't think I ever figured out the "right" way to dispose of them because it really didn't seem worth the effort.

I did get a kick out of harassing innocent bystanders, especially the folks in the Lilty capital. You know- The city I'm not supposed to be able to enter because it's full of Lilty guards who have been told to arrest me on sight, yet never seem to realize that the weird blonde Clavat using magical powers to throw people around might possibly be the same blond Clavat with magical powers who's on every wanted poster in the city. But I digress.

I found the action time events and certain miniquests to be extremely annoying. The game did a very poor job of explaining what exactly it wanted. An illlustration of a bobbing wii remote would lead me to believe that I was supposed to move the remote up and down, yet I would consistantly fail until a point where I got mad and shook it side-to-side just to spite it. A vague command of "Shake the wii remote to gain power!" got me killed repeatedly no matter which way I shook the remote, until it randomly decided I did a good job by also hitting A on accident. It took ages for me to figure out how to catch fish, only to discover that there's apparently no reward for doing so.

There were also too many random characters that did stuff for no apparent reason. I mean, I'm sure there's some achievement involving the random kid who seems dead set on repeatedly blowing himself up with dynamite, or the Selkie lady who spends her time chasing down and beating up one particular Lilty gentleman, but I never figured out what to do. Artemecion the moogle confused me as well. I eventually stole a key from him, but that's about it.

Aside from that, I enjoyed the game well enough. I have to admit that the storyline (read: the parts of the story not involving Belle) was interesting enough to keep me involved, and I liked being able to go into first-person mode to look at the animation on the npc's and backgrounds. I wish that had been in ff12.

Not sure if I would have paid full price for it, but it was a decent game.



Also- Worst voice acting I've heard in ages.

[Kim]

One thing that occurs to me is that the game has a lot of ideas I really like. Cool stuff everywhere to interact with, like throwing NPCs down the garbage chute, and the psychic powers are a cool gimmick that would be made infinitely better by not being the main, or only way, to fight. I think you could take a lot of the ideas, take more time to work them out, fix the camera, and give Leyle a sword and shield and you could probably make an AMAZING Legend of Zelda game.

[Loyal]

FWIW, the CC subseries as a whole seems to be Square's way of going out and trying new things. "Cool ideas with missed potential" is what I've come to expect of the series... though I can't really fault them for it.

[Bells]

Nintendo has become Squeenix Backyard for weird experiments. I Honestly don't know why Nintendo hasn't tried to grab a Kingdom Hearts game for the Wii or a Port of any FF Game from X to XII

So far they managed to get a Straight port of a DS game of the CC subseries....

[Locke cole]

Ninty did get Kingdom Hearts: NUMBERS! for the DS, though.

[Kim]

I'm at the butt bouncing.

I'm pretty sure I want to go back and time and murder this game in its infancy.

Can I borrow a TARDIS?

[Great Cartoonist]

I think the moment when they started doing 3D games was when Square started to suck.
FFVI was probably the highest point they ever gotten. After that, things started to go downhill from there.

Also, to future game developers: Don't give us any mandatory minigames we have to play in order to progress through the game. ESPECIALLY if said minigame contains any sort of timing that nobody can manage without slowdown tools, horrendous controls, and/or infuriatingly cheap enemies/AI this side of Mario Kart Wii. This can apply to the main gameplay as well.

Also, unskippable cutscenes + mind-numbingly long loading times =
http://i47.tinypic.com/95o48y.jpg

This probably has nothing to do with Crystal Bearers; I just wanted to get that off my chest.

[Kim]

I think the moment when they started doing 3D games was when Square started to suck.

Naw man. As much as I like to diss on Square, mostly for what they've done to Kingdom Hearts, FFX was pretty great and FFXII was awesome. The PSX games are a bit overrated, but even VIII wasn't their worst game. And heck, going back to Kingdom Hearts, it combined Nomura with Disney and, despite all probable odds, the result was fucking awesome. That series has gone drastically downhill yeah, but Squeenix is bringing me DQVI DS and DQIX so I really can't get too mad at them.

[Loyal]

Plus they're doing Lufia now, which gives them at least a grace period of however long it takes for the game to come out.

Re: voice acting; I agree regardling Layle and Belle, but Jegran had a pretty decent VA. Amit... amida... Goldenrod isn't bad as far as actual voicing goes, but I'm not entirely sure it's appropriate for a Yuke as is (though it's still a million times better than that asshole in Ring of Fates god I just want to punch him in the visor)

[mauve]

Yeah, okay, Jegran was pretty decent as far as voice acting goes. But he sounded a lot like Zhang Liao from Dynasty Warriors 5 and the narrator from Bobobo Bo Bo-bobo, so every time he spoke I kept picturing a mixture of those two characters. That kind of ruined him for me. Or maybe it made him better..?

[MSperoni]

Zhang Liao rules.

No that has nothing to do with anything to do with Crystal Bearers cos I will never play it and don't own a Wii and pretty much hate Final Fantasy now.. I was just checking this thread oh a whim (I always like reading people sinking their critical teeth into a game).

Saw ol' Zhang Liao mentioned and just had to say somethin' :)

[phil_]

I actually like Layle's disaffected, uninterested voice over. I felt for him as this guy in a world full of retarded people trying to just get by with his solid 100 IQ. Plus, every time Belle's like "ur stalkin me" he's like "Err, no. Why the heck would I give two shits about you outside of the crystal idol you obviously stole?" I'm like, yeah Layle, that's how I feel; get her off the screen as fast as you can, hero.

So I like the guy.

[Loyal]

He's fine at it when he's actually being disaffected and uninterested.

But when he gets a bit excited or impassioned about something he totally blows it. For instance, fast forward to about 1:50 here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsAGQWVFRbY), and especially at 3:25 (spoilers within, of course). His voice cracking is almost audible.

Might as well throw this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_EKKFBb5Oo&feature=channel) in as well, to highlight Belle's horribleness, and the fact that such an excellent actor was wasted on a throw-away boss.

[Kim]

Those of you who don't follow my Twitter might enjoy this little revelation I had earlier.

You guys remember how a year or two back Squeenix was trying really, really hard to get their hands on Tecmo?

That Xtreme Beach Butt-Bouncing being in the game makes sense now.