Better than the baby names book: Let's Make Up Good Names!

[Amake]

Have you ever looked at a name like Urkel McCready or Sighild Horsepissdottir or Winner Lane or Mike, and thought "I can do better than that"? Now is your chance! Show your predigistignicative parental powers by making up a name you'd be proud to give your kid. (Parents may also play.)

I submit that the best name ever is Akira American Creed. Yes, even better than Staff Sergeant Max Fightmaster. At first glance it seems like a name trying too hard to be noticed, granted, Akira and American are two names from entirely different cultures that are both by themselves rather unusual, but while it may stand out in America or Japan, it becomes internationally anonymous almost anywhere else. Plus, it's gender neutral.

There's a certain pragmatic sensibility to it, since no one with the name Akira ever fails at anything. In fact every person named Akira seems to turn out spectacularly successful at anything they do, from blowing holes in the moon to making music for the Silent Hill games. I haven't looked into it very far, but it seems the same is the case for the name American. Give your kid that name or some mutation thereof and he or she may end up having not one, but two continents named after them.

And why Creed? Well I may be biased (it's my name), but I like it. It has some heavy associations, and more importantly it rounds off the name and turns it into a smoothly rolling off the tongue phrase. It just sounds good. Not exactly "Cellar door" good, but close. Say it with me: Akira American Creed.

But I'm willing to be impressed by your creativity and aesthetic sensibilities.

[Bells]

http://www.corrosionsource.com/handbook/periodic/periodic_table.gif

Why go any further than the bare elements that compose earth and life itself!?

[Marc v4.0]

Iridium Jackson

[Wigmund]

Goddamn Batman.

With a name like that, the kid will sprout chest hair as soon as they're born. But make sure you take care when leaving movie theaters when the kid's older - don't want anything traumatic to happen.

[CABAL49]

Creed

Victor Creed!

But yeah. In the event that I do reproduce, my children shall be named after either Marvel comic book characters or Transformers. They will also get their mother's last name cause I never have felt much appeal towards mine. Optimus O'Doherty just doesn't have a nice sound to it.

[Funka Genocide]

Platinum Goose.

Because it sounds like a Mega Man boss.

[Green Spanner]

Piledrive Superpowers.

[Bells]

Just call your kid "Raw Energy" ad be done with it, will ya?

Although i already picked the name "Sarah" if i ever have a Daughter =3

[ska_ness42]

I've been informed any spawn that I give birth to will be named after the elements in actuality.

Antimony as a cool substitute for Anthony anyone?

I vote for 'goddamn batman' though.

[POS Industries]

Slab Bulkhead
Fridge Largemeat
Punt Speedchunk
Butch Deadlift
Bold Bigflank
Splint Chesthair
Flint Ironstag
Bolt Vanderhuge
Thick McRunfast
Blast Hardcheese
Buff Drinklots
Trunk Slamchest
Fist Rockbone
Stump Beefgnaw
Smash Lampjaw
Punch Rockgroin
Buck Plankchest
Stump Chunkman
Dirk Hardpeck
Rip Steakface
Slate Slabrock
Crud Bonemeal
Brick Hardmeat
Rip Sidecheek
Punch Sideiron
Gristle McThornBody
Slake Fistcrunch
Buff Hardback
Bob Johnson
Blast Thickneck
Crunch Buttsteak
Slab Squatthrust
Lump Beefrock
Touch Rustrod
Reef Blastbody
Big McLargeHuge
Smoke Manmuscle
Beat Punchbeef
Pack Blowfist
Roll Fizzlebeef

[mauve]

DAMMIT POS, I was gonna make the Space Mutiny reference!! :(

Along this same line of thought: Zap Rowsdower. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4L2lwQiAkA)

[Eltargrim]

I have personally met a child named Noble Savage. I have also met a child named Stormy. Noble was...energetic. Stormy was calm and collected.

Also: "Lahmanjalo" and "Orangalo", spelt as Lemon Jello and Orange Jello. Hilarious? Yes.

But still better than "Shaiteed", spelt "Shithead".

Freakonomics ftw.

[Hanuman]

If a girl? Eve or Pandora

[Premmy]

Stagger Lee, Look it up ya lazy git.

[Amake]

Sorry guys, I'm just not feeling it in any of your suggestions. And POS? Not feeling it times forty. O.o

[Melfice]

Stagger Lee, Look it up ya lazy git.

He'll go through school relatively unscathed, but goddamn when he's looking for a job.

[Green Spanner]

Sorry guys, I'm just not feeling it in any of your suggestions.

Probably because Max Fightmaster (http://www.cracked.com/article_14982_the-9-manliest-names-in-world.html), the best name ever, already exists.

[Amake]

That's STAFF SERGEANT Max Fightmaster to you, civilian! (You know they're begging him to let them promote him, but he stays staff sergeant just because it's the coolest sounding rank.) Yeah, it sounds cool and badass, and he's probably one drinking session from being the guy who doesn't have a name because he killed his name, but that alone doesn't make it good.

"Fightmaster" sounds blatantly made up, for one thing. And Max is such (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Damage) a (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carmageddon) common (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mad_max) name (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Power) for badasses that it's turning ironic. These days it'd be cooler to call yourself Maximilian and demand that no one calls you Max.

But most importantly, a badass name doesn't automatically make a good name. Consider pacifistic-sounding names like Faith and Hope. Ooh, I just got an idea for a TV show: Madonna Babalon, MD. There's a name that taps right into the madonna/whore complex for a different kind of greatness. Also doctors.

[Green Spanner]

Now you're just being petty. You'll never find a good name with standards so high.

Also, some names do sound blatantly made up (that lawyer called "Sue Yoo" comes to mind, as well as "Mustafa Bumin", both actual names).

[Amake]

We're looking for the best of all possible names, of course we need high standards. :I

Ponderance edit: You know in Office Space, the fake crackhead who sells the main character 40 subscriptions to Vibe? The actor who plays him is called Orlando Jones. That's pretty sweet I think.

[Magus]

Gideon Anthrax.

It's like, they're a great warrior, AND a horrific disease. Talk about deadly!

[Aklyon]

almost any Dwarf Fortress-generated name could be interesting.
example: Rozmo Chaosarmor

[Premmy]

We're looking for the best of all possible names, of course we need high standards. :I

Ponderance edit: You know in Office Space, the fake crackhead who sells the main character 40 subscriptions to Vibe? The actor who plays him is called Orlando Jones. That's pretty sweet I think.

Can't believe you've never heard of Orlando Jones, he's all over the place.

[Magic_Marker]

Way to improve any name is to choose the two proper middle names.

Men: Danger

Women: Trouble.

[Red King]

Sue P. Anova

Kat A. Strophy