Kicking Solves all Problems!

[krogothwolf]

So I have a co-worker around my place who thinks everything broken can be solved with a kick. He's a very simple minded barbarian who does tower over most everyone else so I can see why Kicking is his choice of solution, but this has created a rather funny series of events today for him.

Event 1, His car wouldn't start so he figured kicking it would work, it didn't and he apparently jammed his brake pad down and it's now stuck so he was late because of that.

Event 2, His computer was "slow" as he says so he kicked it. This caused it to fall on his foot and also managed to loosen the cables inside the PC. Being the ass I am I said it was broken and gave him an even slower computer. A P4 1.6GHZ Processor with only 256MB of ram. AHAHAHA, it's fucking slow for what he needs it for but it entertained me. I'll keep the "broken" one for a bit to teach him a lesson.

Event 3, His Drawer wouldn't open so he kicked it and got his foot stuck and had to have help getting it removed. He had to hollow down the halls because he was to far from his phone and couldn't reach it.

Event 4, He went to kick a piece of heavy machinery that wasn't working and missed, kicking a steel pole. He kicked it with enough force he broke at least his big toe and was taken to the hospital as well as put on suspension with pay for the rest of the week. I find it extremely funny.

Just figured I share it with you and to teach any kickers out there, don't kick things you may break your toe!

[Kim]

I thought this would be a thread about Kickboat (http://freelanceastronauts.com/view.php?id=538). I am very disappointed.

[Azisien]

Okay even a flatworm would realize kicking things (if they could kick) on this particular day isn't going well after the after the 2nd or 3rd event. This person is a disgrace to higher mammals.

[Amake]

Violence is only the first step to problem solving. Around these parts the saying goes "Everything is possible with violence, willpower and a big can of vaseline"*. Of course it takes a keen mind to discern what applies where without first testing the waters by kicking.

*(It alliterates better in Swedish.)

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

I hear there are support groups for this.

Nah but seriously, everyone knows you slap computers, not kick them! What a dumbass!!

[Amake]

Funny story about that, a big guy I knew once slapped a monitor on an old Windows 3.1 box so hard the plastic cracked, and from that day on it produced the most magical, unfathomable shades of green. I used it to make abstract MS Paint art with just green and black.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Maaaan, I know people who do similar things. At the beginning I tried to prevent one guy from doing stupid things that could damage equipment or his body, but after a while I gave up and he stopped hitting and kicking things and started to become more reasonable in general. This surprised me bacause up till then he acted like one of those "I know how to solve all problems and do everything better than you 'cause I'm old"-dudes". That restored my faith in humanity for a while.

Whenever violence is the only option left for me I move my open right hand towards my forehead with some force. Ideally this produces a smacking sound.
Some call this a facepalm, I just call it hitting myself in the face. Works wonders.

EDIT@above: You can actually damage your monitor cable to do exactly that in case the urge to draw abstract art with weird colors overcomes you again.
I did that once. Not intentionally, though. It shifted back and forth between blue, purple and red .

[Loki, The Fallen]

Sounds like an old Russian proverb in action.

"When the only tool you have is a hammer, all of your problems appear to be nails."

[krogothwolf]

Well, he kicks everything Azi, and he generally makes things worse. There is an old CRT monitor on the Press Floor that has a boot stuck in it because someone on there kicked it and didn't take the boot out. As punishment I have left it there and they are walking to the next closest computer to input the data. They never learn to not piss of IT. I love punishing people for doing stupid things to my equipment. My poor babies get so abused :(

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Funny story about that, a big guy I knew once slapped a monitor on an old Windows 3.1 box so hard the plastic cracked, and from that day on it produced the most magical, unfathomable shades of green. I used it to make abstract MS Paint art with just green and black.



EDIT@above: You can actually damage your monitor cable to do exactly that in case the urge to draw abstract art with weird colors overcomes you again.
I did that once. Not intentionally, though. It shifted back and forth between blue, purple and red .

Funny you mention this; we recently moved our pc upstairs (my sister moved out, hellooo private gaming room!!) and in the process I remembered that our monitor cable is fucked and the entire rig should never ever be moved because now the screen repeatedly turns purple and i can't get it back into the exact right position to stop it doing that.

The morale of the story; if it's broke fix it already!

[bluestarultor]

Funny story about that, a big guy I knew once slapped a monitor on an old Windows 3.1 box so hard the plastic cracked, and from that day on it produced the most magical, unfathomable shades of green. I used it to make abstract MS Paint art with just green and black.

Or, given that the computer is an 3.1 machine, it might have a monitor old enough that there's a button somewhere that switches it between normal (or "white") mode and green and amber monochrome modes. My brother used to do that all the time while playing games just because it made Street Fighter 2 look cool.

[Amake]

Oh, I doubt it. It was just the color green that got messed up. Guess that was a bit ambiguous.

[Doc ock rokc]

One of my friends is the Fonz of Percussive Maintenance
He has fixed so far with his slaps
3 computers (one had lose cabling and his slap actually made the cable sit right, One had unreachable dust in a spot and his slap knocked it out and the last was a computer that power-supply was faulty)
2 monitors (video cable fuckup, and one with one of the bright buttons stuck)
and a Jukebox...

[Ravashak]

Personally, I usually just stick to threatening equipment, seems to work well enough.

[Hanuman]

I thought this would be a thread about Kickboat (http://freelanceastronauts.com/view.php?id=538). I am very disappointed.
That was neat, thanks!

[bluestarultor]

Personally, I usually just stick to threatening equipment, seems to work well enough.

I ask it nicely. It's always worked well for me.

[Doc ock rokc]

I ask it nicely. It's always worked well for me.

Would you Kindly...

[krogothwolf]

Would you Kindly...

Smack that shit up?

[Premmy]

no, Smack my Bitch up.

[krogothwolf]

no, Smack my Bitch up.

Well, a pc isn't really a bitch if it's not working, its more of a piece of shit so i substituted.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

World cup is in 18 days, oyu should ship him over to it.

[Osterbaum]

Make him kick where it counts.

[krogothwolf]

He's Canadian, that means he can't kick worth shit when it comes to football! Besides, HE MISSED A STATIONARY TARGET! Could you imagine how bad he would miss a moving football.

[Kim]

That was neat, thanks!

Kickboat and The Tale of Sephiroth Goku are my two favorite Freelance Astronaut things ever.

[Viridis]

Kickboat and The Tale of Sephiroth Goku are my two favorite Freelance Astronaut things ever.I keep hearing about that video in passing but can't find it. Link? Found it. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQlZgko5DCI)

And my favorite will forever be the flying tank, followed closely by the horrible things they did to Twilight Princess and Oblivion.

[Kim]

The Tale of Sephiroth Goku is told in their F-Zero GX vids. Pretty much all of them are gold, but Sephiroth Goku is the best thing.

[synkr0nized]

The Tale of Sephiroth Goku is told in their F-Zero GX vids. Pretty much all of them are gold, but Sephiroth Goku is the best thing.

It helps that Pipes! is amazing at just stream-of-consciousness.
The specific episode of the F-Zero bit is the sixth (http://freelanceastronauts.com/view.php?id=379).


Man, ok, let's not make this a FA thread. They have enough of those, as funny as they are.



As my feet are busy with the pedals when driving, I often punch my dashboard/center console when the radio is being finicky. It doesn't help, sadly, so perhaps I should find a way to kick it.

[krogothwolf]

So the dude totally broke 3 toes and has a torn tendon in his leg. It's great! Am I a bad person for enjoying this?

I use to blow on everything for the longest time when I realized that was how to fix my video game cartridges. I've only ever had to slap a TV that was 30 years old to make it go unfuzzy. Other then that I don't believe in beating up on things to make it work, I always enjoyed ripping them open and trying to make it work that way, usually made it worse though....