Worst Mistake You Can Make at the Theater? Spending Time to Watch Fucking Jonah Hex

[Lumenskir]

Say what you want about the objective (lack of) quality in movies like The Room, Southland Tales, and Birdemic, but there's a sort of perverted nobility in the final project, something that's only really attainable if one person makes 37,000 wrong choices in a row at every stage of the moviemaking process. Even though no one should ever call them 'good' (or even 'competent'), you at least have to recognize the amount of deranged personality poured into every frame.

I say all that to highlight the fact that Jonah Hex is probably just as shitty as any of those films, and yet it feels like it sucks so much more than all of them combined. I attribute this mainly to the fact that it feels like eight truly crappy ideas all being presented simultaneously without any apparent attempt from those involved to hide the fact that it's made up of the worst parts of Ghostrider, Wild Wild West, and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Even though it's 'short' when measured in physical units like time, it seems to feel longer because every second you watch it existing is another second it can freely chew away at your soul. I would rather have spent the 73 minutes driving nails into my thigh, because then at least I would have a story to tell later and it wouldn't hurt as much to remember it.

Bottom line is that Jonah Hex is a fucking awful blight and (to end the thread with a reference to an actually good Western) anyone who disagrees with me suck cock by choice.

[BitVyper]

Because your cock is an awful blight too? I've never seen such honest posting.

Anyway yeah, I saw the preview for this movie and just lost all interest in it right there. Glad to know I was right.

[Overcast]

It's really a shame because I did enjoy digging through my dad's old comics when I was younger and reading all about the man. Held a glimmer of hope for something to come out of this film, but I guess I'll save myself the time.

[Jagos]

Megan Fox - nuff said.

[Lumenskir]

Anyway yeah, I saw the preview for this movie and just lost all interest in it right there.
See, based on the trailer I went in expecting something like Crank 2 set in the West (plus Will Arnett!!), not...well, this.
Megan Fox - nuff said.
True, she is reason enough to avoid this like the plague, but it's saying something when even she isn't even in the top 10 worst parts of a movie.

[Solid Snake]

...Didn't Toy Story 3 come out this weekend?
...I think anyone who chooses Jonah Hex over the likes of Pixar's latest masterpiece deserves to see crap and feel disappointed. It's not like there's nothing else in the theater worth watching.

[Lumenskir]

...I think anyone who chooses Jonah Hex over the likes of Pixar's latest masterpiece deserves to see crap and feel disappointed. It's not like there's nothing else in the theater worth watching.
My brother works in a theater and gets me free tickets. Toy Story 3 has been packed for the last two days (no surprise), but Jonah Hex was empty and free. Hopefully I'll get to see it today. Until then, the purge of what I've seen continues.

[Art of Hilt]

I saw a poster for Jonah Hex and I was all:

"So it's the Wild West and you can tell because the guy has a hat with a symbol on it and two guns one which is a crossbow which makes him look like he jumped out of the Helsing movie and Megan Fox is dressed like a Wild West prostitute with a Wild West prostitute's tiny gun and there's a magician with a fireball and a guy in a fruity hat who doesn't seem to have anything to do with anything ever.
Ha ha ha ha this looks completely terrible."

[Archbio]

[The] worst parts of [...] Wild Wild West; [...] even [Megan Fox] isn't even in the top 10 worst parts of a movie; [...]like [the guy] jumped out of the Helsing movie

I'm going to have nightmares about this.

It sounds like the badness of Wild Wild West, the first movie totally written and conceived by twelve year olds, and Megan's Fox emotionless, bored drawl are dwarfed by the full experience of this movie. Like it's truly shittier than the sum of its shitty parts.

[Thadius]

...So if I hated someone and they said that they were going to see this movie, should I warn them, or what?

[krogothwolf]

...So if I hated someone and they said that they were going to see this movie, should I warn them, or what?

No way man, you should tell them to go, then lock the theater doors on you. At least that's the sound of it.

[Aerozord]

...So if I hated someone and they said that they were going to see this movie, should I warn them, or what?

depends, do you mean hate as in "I hate the guy that always eats the last donut from the break room" or "I hate Micheal Bay".

[The Sevenshot Kid]

I'm so glad I didn't waste my money on this crap. How could they get it so wrong? Jonah Hex is a western comic so the simple answer is that you make a goddamned western! There is still an audience for it as long as you can actually do it right.

[Magus]

Between wussing out on Jonah's face, adding in a superpower for him, and the dual gatling guns on the horse, I didn't need to see more than the trailer to feel this was pretty terrible.