Corrupted Wishes

[Rejected Again]

Just like it says. Someone posts a wish, the next poster grants the wish, only with a twist. The person who grants the wish then posts a wish of his own to keep the game rolling. Try to wait 4 posts before corrupting a new wish.

Example:
I wish for rocket boots!

Granted, however the boots are cursed and make you dance uncontrollably when they are active.


Lets start with:

I wish for a boat.

[Meister]

You speak your wish. For a while everything's silent, and you're starting to become afraid it didn't work. Just when disappointment is about to really set in, you notice you're standing in shadow - and the shadow is growing larger. And larger. And larger still. That's when it occurs to you to look up rather than down-

The last thing to enter your mind is the keel. Enjoy your boat.

I wish I was very, very rich.:crossarms:

[Fenris]

Your wish is granted. You now taste like a delicious, if a bit too rich, chocolate cookie.

I wish I weren't playing this game.

Granted!

I wish I could fly whenever I wanted.

[Nikose Tyris]

Granted! However, the magic transformed your legs into wings- you can no longer walk and look rather ridiculous when flying.

[Bard The 5th LW]

I wish Nikose would make a wish.

[Fenris]

Granted! Nikose makes a wish oh god what have you done

I wish Satan's Onion would log on!

[Doc ock rokc]

In reality a Giant Onion With the head of satan craps on your house

I wish I could get something right

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Granted! And the one thing you get right turns out to be part of a secret terrorist plot to destroy your country's freedom.

I wish I had all of the abilities granted by the Speed Force.

[Archbio]

http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/4/43425/856810-blackflash1_super.jpg

You're welcome.

I wish I could travel through outer space.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted, but you aren't allowed to see anything cool during your travels through Outer Space.

I wish I had a really jaunty hat.

[Rejected Again]

Granted, however the hat is made out of plutonium 238 and you die of cancer after wearing it.

I wish I had a pet dragon.

[Doc ock rokc]

Granted, however the hat is made out of plutonium 238 and you die of cancer after wearing it.

I wish I had a pet dragon.

You did but it eat you and now torrizes the earth

I wish i could get my hands on a 3ds

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Granted, you do get your hands on a 3ds... for 4 seconds before it's taken away again!

I wish I was cooler.

[Nikose Tyris]

Granted! Your body temperature dropped a few degrees.


I wish that right at an oppertune time a flock of doves would settle on the railing of my balcony, and remain there for 4 seconds before flying away.

[Osterbaum]

Granted! A flock of doves settles on the railing of your balcony and remain there for 4 seconds before flying away which makes you realize how stupid your wish was, how lame you are yourself for making said wish and this leads to you being depressed.

I wish for world peace.

[BitVyper]

Granted! Prolonged nuclear war slowly and painfully leads to the eradication of all life on Earth, leaving no one to fight.

I wish for a more fun job.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted! But the job is only fun for everyone else! You find it tedious and uninteresting.

I wish I could play an instrument.

[CABAL49]

Granted! But you lose your hands and tongue in a tragic piano accident.

I wish I had more time to sleep.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Granted! Your body temperature dropped a few degrees.

HA, you fool, that wasn't corrupted at all! It's too damn hot in here!!


OT; I wish I had more time to sleep.

Granted, you fall into eternal slumber, never to awake again.

I wish I had a giant nuke launching mech with which to wage war against my enemies.

[Mr.Bookworm]

Granted!

But it can be defeated by one man on foot with a few explosives.

I wish for a pony.

[Inbred Chocobo]

Granted. A Pony is thrown at you at a 180 feet per second.

I wish for great power.

[greed]

Granted. You ever see Three Kings?

I wish I had a bucket of fried chicken.

[bluestarultor]

Granted. You ever see Three Kings?

I wish I had a bucket of fried chicken.

Fair enough. You get a bucket of fried beaks and feet.

I wish I was employed as a programmer.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted! But despite your career, no one respects your basic authority on the subject!

I wish I could meet and speak with a living Andrew Jackson.

[Rejected Again]

Granted! After years of research Andrew Jackson is brought back to life. Upon seeing the technological advances that have been made since his time he instantly goes insane, strangles a guard grabs his gun and kills the entire facility. As he enters the main part of town he finds your house, kicks in the door, and yells "YOU ARE NOT A TRUE AMERICAN!" As he shoots you in the face with a shotty.

I wish I knew what I wanted to eat.

[BitVyper]

I wish I knew what I wanted to eat.

Granted. You now crave mastadon meat and nothing else. Unfortunately, you didn't wish to know what it tastes like, so you won't even know if you find something similar.

I wish for infinite lives.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Granted, you now repeatedly die and reincarnate for all of time. Each death is extremely painful and agonising, and your eternal life cannot be undone. Even when the earth is destroyed and you are left alone in the vacuum of space you will continously die and revive every few minues, each time feeling the pain of sufocation/radiation sickness as your cells are poisoned and you body crushed by the intensity of said vacuum, eventually going insane from the eternal hell you must endure.

I wish I had superpowers.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted. As you look out your window, you see a meteor crash at the local park. You go and investigate. Once you reach it, you find you are the only one there. You observe the wreckage and find green glowing rocks. These have granted you almost every power one's mind could conceive. However, you have no way of knowing of these powers. You live the rest of your life unaware of the great and incredible things you could have done.

I wish I had the power to travel through time at any point in the past or future.

[bluestarultor]

Granted! But despite your career, no one respects your basic authority on the subject!

Story of my life.

/ot

Granted. As you look out your window, you see a meteor crash at the local park. You go and investigate. Once you reach it, you find you are the only one there. You observe the wreckage and find green glowing rocks. These have granted you almost every power one's mind could conceive. However, you have no way of knowing of these powers. You live the rest of your life unaware of the great and incredible things you could have done.

I wish I had the power to travel through time at any point in the past or future.

Granted, only it turns out the only point you were able to travel through time was when you were three weeks old, after which the power faded and nobody ever knew of it.


I wish I had control over water.

[BitVyper]

I wish I had control over water.

Granted! *Hands you a dollar store water gun*

I wish to discover a clean energy alternative to oil.

[natowarhead]

Granted! One day in the lab, your experiment achieves Cold Fusion! Unfortunately you were trying to make a simple Fuel Cell. You trash it thinking you failed.

Instead of wishing for more wishes, which is against the rules, I wish for more lamps with wish granting Genies.

[Rejected Again]

Granted! Your house becomes filled to the brim with lamps. Unfortunately for your you are crushed under the intense weight of the lamps as your are unable to move.

I wish I had a salmon to slap people with.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted! A glorious bright light shines from the heavens and gives you s Salmon. You are told that you may use this wondrous, beautiful Salmon to smack anyone you please. But you must first use it to chop down the mightiest tree in the forest! While the Forest is on fire!

I wish I could run faster.

[Doc ock rokc]

Granted! A glorious bright light shines from the heavens and gives you s Salmon. You are told that you may use this wondrous, beautiful Salmon to smack anyone you please. But you must first use it to chop down the mightiest tree in the forest! While the Forest is on fire!

I wish I could run faster.

Granted. However you find that running a MACH 3 is both really hard to stop, turn... and deadly when you ram into something

i wish i had spider-man's powers.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Granted. However you find that running a MACH 3 is both really hard to stop, turn... and deadly when you ram into something

i wish i had spider-man's powers.

Granted! But with great power comes radioactive sperm.

I wish I was a friendly neighborhood werewolf.

[akaSM]

Granted! But with great power comes radioactive sperm.

I wish I was a friendly neighborhood werewolf.

Granted, enjoy living in the StephenieMeyerverse

How comes no one has wished for world peace yet? I want that :D

[bluestarultor]

Granted, enjoy living in the StephenieMeyerverse

How comes no one has wished for world peace yet? I want that :D

Everyone dies. Corpses are incredibly peaceful after all.


I wish my poor vision was made 20/20.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted, enjoy living in the StephenieMeyerverse

How comes no one has wished for world peace yet? I want that :D

Someone has (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1055332&postcount=15)

Everyone dies. Corpses are incredibly peaceful after all.


I wish my poor vision was made 20/20.

Granted. However, it turns out that everyone thought you were sexier with glasses. You never realize this and go about enjoying your vision at the cost of any attractiveness you may have had.

I wish I could see the future.

[Wigmund]

Granted.

But it's the future of the bathroom of a run-down convenience store from the point of view of the toilet, and an morbidly obese man who has had too many rancid burritos comes into view...

I wish I could talk with the animals.

[akaSM]

Someone has (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1055332&postcount=15)

Granted. However, it turns out that everyone thought you were sexier with glasses. You never realize this and go about enjoying your vision at the cost of any attractiveness you may have had.

Hmm, I missed that post

I wish I could see the future.

Granted, you can see the future...no the one you want though, you see a world where the only thing on TV are reality shows, the only books you can read are Twilight sequels and every new movie is based on fanfiction

EDIT: Damn ninjas
Granted.

But it's the future of the bathroom of a run-down convenience store from the point of view of the toilet, and an morbidly obese man who has had too many rancid burritos comes into view...

I wish I could talk with the animals.

Fine, you can talk to them for only $999.99 a minute. Too bad you can't talk to people now

I wish I could get a legendary pokemon

[Rejected Again]

Granted. Each and every legendary Pokemon now rests in your hands. As you look upon them with joy, Team rocket kicks you in the gonads and steals them all, leaving you with your trusty Weedle.

I wish I had a Audi.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Granted. Each and every legendary Pokemon now rests in your hands. As you look upon them with joy, Team rocket kicks you in the gonads and steals them all, leaving you with your trusty Weedle.

I wish I had a Audi.

Granted! But that's a powerful car and you're not used to handling something like that so you lose control and crash into a a van full of orphans and when you are arrested you pop on a drug test because of those poppy seed bagels that you love to eat all the time. Due to the combination of the DUI and the hospitalization of those poor orphans, you are imprisoned for life with a cell mate who was arrested for killing man who punched an orphan. All requests for a cell change are denied because let's face it, ain't nobody in that prison wants to help you after what you've done. You lead a very frightening life until being shivved in the shower.

I wish for a porn star mustache.

[akaSM]

Granted, that mustache would be great, except you're a girl now, not a good looking girl either but, hey, you love that mustache, don't you?

I wish apple would have honest marketing for their products

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted. In an odd state of literal advertisement, Apple begins harvesting Eyeballs from animals and even some humans to make there Ipods/Iphones. Most people are too disgusted to buy from them now and their sales plunge.

I wish I had a kitten! definitely won't regret this one

[Doc ock rokc]

Granted! Here is your little kitten tiger...and there is it's Big mad mother!

I wish for some of the drama of life to settle itself.

[Brainmeats]

Granted. Everyone's dead. No more drama.

I wish I weren't so bored.

[Magic_Marker]

Granted You are teleported to Bard and his Tiger.

I wish Stella had her grove back.

[bluestarultor]

Granted You are teleported to Bard and his Tiger.

I wish Stella had her grove back.

Stella's cleft palette surgery is reversed. She feels ugly again, hates you, breaks up with you, and uses your credit card to get it redone along with a ton of other plastic surgery, breaking your bank and forcing you onto the streets while she subsequently wins millions in beauty pageants.


I wish I had a cookie.

[Terex4]

Stella's cleft palette surgery is reversed. She feels ugly again, hates you, breaks up with you, and uses your credit card to get it redone along with a ton of other plastic surgery, breaking your bank and forcing you onto the streets while she subsequently wins millions in beauty pageants.


I wish I had a cookie.
It was made with one of these (http://charliegower.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/12/05/cookie.jpg)

I wish my kids demonstrated common sense.

[Rejected Again]

Granted! However their new common sense was once yours, how did it feel when you put that fork in the outlet?

I wish my damn posters would stop falling off the wall.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted! You look to your wall and see your nearby poster fall off. You attempt to place it back, but it is stuck to the floor! Well at least it won't fall again...

I wish I had more friends. ):

[Wigmund]

Granted, but they're all Satanists who are hunting for their next sacrifice. Enjoy the weekend camping trip.

I wish I was President.

[Doc ock rokc]

Congradulations your now President of Enron!

I wish the engie update would come out soon

[BitVyper]

Granted! The new update comes out tomorrow, and completely removes Engineers from the game.

I wish to be guaranteed victory in any sort of contest I am ever involved in.

[bluestarultor]

Granted! The new update comes out tomorrow, and completely removes Engineers from the game.

I wish to be guaranteed victory in any sort of contest I am ever involved in.

Granted, but you're then challenged to Drownball.


I really wish I'd remember to put my volume to 100 when composing so I didn't have to redo all my songs.

[Inbred Chocobo]

Granted. You now are able to output music at a rather impressive level and believe you are doing excellent. However due to the lack of need to go back and adjust songs, the quality begins to drop and no one listens to your music anymore.

I wish people would join the game Rumble I made.

[Terex4]

Granted, Rumble spirals out of control and goes the way of Calvinball.

I wish I could believe its not butter.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted. You now believe it, and all other forms of butter and margarin, are Penguins. You are seen as rather awkward for the rest of your life.

I wish life was more like an Role-playing game. A good one.

[BitVyper]

Granted! Unfortunately, you are an unimportant NPC. You either cease to exist when the PCs aren't present, or you have only one line of dialogue to spout for your entire life, which consists of walking in a set path 24/7. Anything you own will eventually be taken by a PC.

I wish I hadn't made this wish.

[bluestarultor]

Granted! Unfortunately, you are an unimportant NPC. You either cease to exist when the PCs aren't present, or you have only one line of dialogue to spout for your entire life, which consists of walking in a set path 24/7. Anything you own will eventually be taken by a PC.

I wish I hadn't made this wish.

You haven't. It goes to your worst enemy, who wishes you'd trip and fall into a stairwell with used syringes at the bottom. Testing is going to be expensive.


I wish I had a good singing voice again.

[phil_]

I wish I had a good singing voice again.Zombie Luciano Pavarotti is now chained in your basement and willing to sing for brains.

I want a Gunman.

[BitVyper]

Testing is going to be expensive.

I'm Canadian! Suck on THAT, genie!

Since no one's continued things, I guess I'll post a bit early.


I want a Gunman.

Granted! You are now the proud owner of a man with a gun. Unfortunately, slavery is illegal. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

I wish for a beautiful alien princess to fall in love with me and take me back to her homeworld for marriage.

[Rejected Again]

Granted! The most beautiful alien woman appears before you and takes you as her mate. You return to her home world with a respirator outfitted so you can survive the atmosphere, unfortunately they mate like preying mantises.

I wish the disc drive of my computer would fucking work.

[bluestarultor]

I'm Canadian! Suck on THAT, genie!

Since no one's continued things, I guess I'll post a bit early.



Granted! You are now the proud owner of a man with a gun. Unfortunately, slavery is illegal. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

I wish for a beautiful alien princess to fall in love with me and take me back to her homeworld for marriage.

I'll go early, too.

Granted, but you know how a lot of bugs eat their mates? You really should have drawn the connection at the antennae. It's also disappointing for her because her people's men actually put out while they're being devoured, so all she actually gets is lunch and she becomes the embarrassment of her family because of you. She's going to remember this when she becomes queen.


I wish for a Harley.

[BitVyper]

Granted! The most beautiful alien woman appears before you and takes you as her mate. You return to her home world with a respirator outfitted so you can survive the atmosphere, unfortunately they mate like preying mantises.

she becomes the embarrassment of her family because of you. She's going to remember this when she becomes queen.

Wait, how is this different from any of my other relationships?

[CABAL49]

I do double!


I wish the disc drive of my computer would fucking work.

Granted! It now fucks you at work!


I wish for a Harley.

Granted! The first time you get on it, you get attacked by a biker gang who steal it.

I wish the day was longer.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Granted, the day is now 48 hours long. Unfortunately the working day is increased from 8 hours to 16 hours to accomodate this.


I wish Portal 2 was was released already.

[Doc ock rokc]

Granted, the day is now 48 hours long. Unfortunately the working day is increased from 8 hours to 16 hours to accomodate this.


I wish Portal 2 was was released already.

it is And they didn't finish anything. And if you turn your back to companion cube who stabs you in the back.

I wish I could draw better.

[Krylo]

Granted.

Your calligraphy in the art of writing the word better is unparalleled. But that's all you can draw... well all you can draw better than you currently can.

I wish people were better at this.

[Arhra]

It's all downhill from here.

Better is a thing of the past.

I wish for... MORE SQUID.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Granted, your home is now filled to the brim with giant squids. Enjoy.

I wish life was more interesting.

[Wigmund]

Granted, World War III breaks out when North Korea starts lobbing nukes at South Korea and Japan. Hilarity and Interesting Times Ensue.

I wish that cats could talk.

[Terex4]

Granted rather than just act snooty, cats now refer to each human as Jeeves and revel in their new found ability to voice their demands.

I wish I could get a chance to prove to employers I don't need a piece of paper to do the job.

[Thadius]

Granted!

In fact, showing that you don't need paper, they decide to give you a laptop computer! With the best wireless network! With instant messenger services.

And they message you all the time. And you can't ignore them on pain of firing. Enjoy your new paperless job!

Hmm. What do I wish for? I know, if I keep it simple, there won't be a whole lot that you can do to corrupt it. I wish for...

The best video card that will function with my computer.

[Arhra]

I wish for... MORE SQUID.

Granted, your home is now filled to the brim with giant squids. Enjoy.

Sir, this is supposed to be a corrupted wish game.

Hmm. What do I wish for? I know, if I keep it simple, there won't be a whole lot that you can do to corrupt it. I wish for...

The best video card that will function with my computer.
You get it but something hilariously ironic happens.

I wish for enough cowbell.

[krogothwolf]

Sir, this is supposed to be a corrupted wish game.


You get it but something hilariously ironic happens.

I wish for enough cowbell.

You get that, except that the cowbell's are forever tied to your ears, ringing constantly as you move. You'll only ever hear the sound of cowbell from now on!

I wish to be a Professional Hockey Player!

[CABAL49]

I wish to be a Professional Hockey Player!

Granted! You are in the worst team in the world and never win a game. Ever.

I wish I could have a video game library that contained every game ever made.

[bluestarultor]

Granted! You are in the worst team in the world and never win a game. Ever.

I wish I could have a video game library that contained every game ever made.

You get it. Unfortunately, you don't have the consoles for any of them and they fill your house nearly to the brim. You also can't sell any of them because the spell prevents you from doing so so that the collection is never incomplete, and the cost of buying them all at current market price is taken out of your funds. The spell didn't shop around, either, so your bank is broken and you need to find some way out of debt, but the banks count your library in your assets, which makes things very messy. Good luck.


I wish I was better at posing for pictures.

[Thadius]

Granted! You are now a statue and never have to worry about posing ever again.

I wish that I could, at any time of my choosing, fire eyebeams powered by my hatred of all things.

[BitVyper]

Granted! You are now a statue and never have to worry about posing ever again.

I'm telling R.L. Stine you stole that from him.

I wish that I could, at any time of my choosing, fire eyebeams powered by my hatred of all things.

Granted, but using your hate causes you to become prequel trilogy Anakin Skywalker. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWaLxFIVX1s)

I wish I had remembered to make a wish when I made this post the first time.

[krogothwolf]

I wish I had remembered to make a wish when I made this post the first time.

Granted, but now all you remember is all your previous wishes were about your love for all things Twilight related.

I wish I could have the perfect house.

[Hanuman]

Granted, but now all you remember is all your previous wishes were about your love for all things Twilight related.

I wish I could have the perfect house.
http://www.techdigest.tv/assets_c/2009/03/tom-nook-thumb-300x385-82623.jpg
Granted! Now all you have to do is pay me back, I only accept bells.

I wish I had flawless wisdom.

[Thadius]

I would apologize for bumping back in early, but that would require me to not be, well, me.

Granted! You now have all the wisdom of every thing that has ever lived. As it starts to rush into your brain, first a trickle, then a flood, you begin to realize that there is quite a bit more than humanity than has ever lived, and Earth is but a speck of sand compared to everything in the universe.

The torrent of information breaks down all your concepts of self, leaving you a broken shell of a man who answers any question anyone poses to you, making you the perfect organic dictionary. Seeing as how the wish considers anything that happened one second ago to count, you're also treated to a constant view of everything that is. Had you any notion of self left, you would probably be screaming.

As said by a wise man, limitless knowledge is fine and dandy until you gain limitless understanding.

I wish to be able to divide the Internet by zero and succeed.

[BitVyper]

Granted! The genie gives you a comically oversized, steel zero with a sharp edge that can cut through servers and will never dull. Unfortunately, you can't wield it effectively without slicing off your own hand.

I wish to be given the greatest, most stylish hat ever forged by any sentient being, perfectly fitted to my head.

[KeienSlayer]

You get the hat, but it turns out to be this hat:
http://i190.photobucket.com/albums/z60/KeienSlayer/robinsonsc1.jpg
Have fun being a mindless drone to the all powerful hat.

I wish that I ruled the world.

[Terex4]

Granted! Your people however, do not find wishing to be an effective system for deciding the head of government. Upon the announcement that you are now supreme ruler of earth, the varied peoples of the world rise up in open rebellion.

I wish cigarettes were free of charge.

[Wigmund]

Granted, but the only thing you can do with it is bend spoons and then the CIA locks you away for one of their various psychic warfare programs that officially do not exist.

I wish all my dreams would come true.

[krogothwolf]

I wish all my dreams would come true.

Granted, expect all your dreams are endless nightmares, each one more terrifying then the next and only you can see them. Your family will toss you in an asylum were you will live the rest of your days screaming in torment and horror.

I wish I was the most famous person in the world.

[BitVyper]

I wish I was the most famous person in the world.

Granted! Christ descends from heaven to take everyone to paradise, but he takes one look at you and determines that man is irredeemable. You are now universally reviled.

I wish for the first response to this wish to be made by the most attractive member of NPF.

[BitVyper]

Granted! But it means you have to break the rules and double post.

I wish to not get infracted for that.

[Thadius]

That would require an act of Fenris, and lo, he is a wrathful mod.

Hmm. I think I've exhauste- no, wait, no I haven't.

I wish for a bacon pie.

[KeienSlayer]

You get it. Unfortunately, all the bacon is burned beyond saving and the pie crust is drippy with bacon fat. And the large, angry chef who made it is waiting until you eat every bite.

I wish I had the power to go back in time and punch myself for being an idiot.

[Doc ock rokc]

You do however you feel each punch when it happens and every time after you punch a your past self your future self punches you in the face. Infinitely!

I wish I was lucky enough to get the golden wrench

[Arhra]

You are one of the fortunate few who find a the golden wrench and are taken on a tour of a whimsical and incredibly unsafe factory run by a top-hatted madman of an engineer.

You suffer a musical and ironic fate.

(You are not Charlie.)

I wish I was Charlie.

[krogothwolf]

You are Charlie, expect Charlie is actually a mentally handicapped house that constantly attempts to drown itself but fails because it ends up forgetting what it's doing.

I wish I was Batman.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

You are Charlie, expect Charlie is actually a mentally handicapped house that constantly attempts to drown itself but fails because it ends up forgetting what it's doing.

I wish I was Batman.

Granted! But you're the Adam West Batman.

I wish that "The Last Airbender" was a good movie.

[Fenris]

Granted, the cartoon follows it exactly-it's spot on! Critics rave.

I wish the forums would go back down so I could go back to being productive.

[Thadius]

Grant-

ERROR x/0: CANNOT GRANT WISH.

Oh. Well, sorry about that then.

Actually I can't wish for anything righ-

Actually yes. I wish that delicious Hershy's cookies and cream milkshakes could be available to everyone everywhere.

[Rejected Again]

Granted! The Hershy factory begins increasing its output to the point the the tanks overflow. Unable to shut them off, they overflow nonstop for 20 years. The world is now waist deep in Milkshake.

I wish I had more Xbox games.

[Arhra]

You do, except they are terrible. And there's so many they fill your house from floor to rafters. Sifting through the piles of crap, you find a few good ones but you can't find your Xbox in the discy labyrinyth. When you try them at a friend's place, you find the games are broken beyond repair. Coming home, you kick to a pile to establish your disgust and it collapses on you. You are trapped!

And the games are haaaaaaaaunted.

I wish life was more like a video game!

A good video game!

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Granted, you are now the main character in Shadow of the Collosus. Have fun with that!

I wish I had some delicious bacon right now.

[Wigmund]

Granted, you have all the bacon you could ever eat for the rest of your life but the only kind you get is a cheap vegan substitute that tastes like oily cardboard.


I wish I knew what I was doing.

[Magic_Marker]

You are now fully aware of everything as you discover what Lovecraft only dreamt. The sheer horror of existance drives you mad.

I wish for life, liberty, and the persuit of happiness.

[krogothwolf]

Granted! You know will have life and liberty, with your head stuck in a jar hurtling through space! Happiness will be yours but you must trade in a piece of your brain for each time you wish to feel happy. Eventually you will become a mentally handicapped head in a jar hurtling through space for all eternity.

I wish that Space Marines were real.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Granted. However, they take one look at your Internet favorites and order an Exterminatus on the entire Earth.

I wish I could sleep better at night.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted! However, you soon find yourself incapable of sleeping any less than 20 hours a day. Have fun with life!

I wish I carried immunity to every known and unknown disease. Good luck corrupting that!

[phil_]

You are carrying these immunities in a collection of jars and vials, which you are neither allowed to open or abandon. They are very heavy.

I wish I weren't an alcoholic. Not really, but for the purposes of the game...

[Magic_Marker]

You travel back in time during the prohibition era where your alcholism is cured in the traditional way:

By giving you heroin.

I wish I was the man your man can smell like.

[krogothwolf]

Granted, expect it's on a planet filled with only tentacle monsters waiting to have fun with your ripe flesh!

I wish I could control any inanimate object with my mind!

[Thadius]

Granted! However, you neglected to say how many times this power would work, so it only works once. You enter a life of crime and your power works, allowing you to open the bank safe. Sadly after that it stops working, and you are unable to stop the guns in the policemen's hands from firing.

Afterwards you do a long stint in prison. The less said about that, the better.

Now just wishing for time travel would be pointless, because Earth moves through space as well. Therefor, I wish for a time machine that also takes space into its calculations, allowing me to travel back and forth through Earth's future and past, and has a 'recall' function to get me out of that T-rex someone is going to drop on me.

[Doc ock rokc]

Granted! However, you neglected to say how many times this power would work, so it only works once. You enter a life of crime and your power works, allowing you to open the bank safe. Sadly after that it stops working, and you are unable to stop the guns in the policemen's hands from firing.

Afterwards you do a long stint in prison. The less said about that, the better.

Now just wishing for time travel would be pointless, because Earth moves through space as well. Therefor, I wish for a time machine that also takes space into its calculations, allowing me to travel back and forth through Earth's future and past, and has a 'recall' function to get me out of that T-rex someone is going to drop on me.
Granted. However it gets stuck in the Wrong time-line and you land on a time-line where the earth is Uninhabitable. when you go into the future to avoid this You still are in the time-line where the earth is uninhabitable and if you go into the past its still uninhabitable. You only last a few hours with the oxygen in the time machine.

I wish that I could speed through collage quickly.

[Wigmund]

Granted, you can make awesome collages in seconds. But the only people wanting to buy them are retiree tourists in Arizona.

I wish that we all lived in the Axe Cop universe.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted! However, you are an alien! Everyone wants to fight you and Axe Cop wishes you were evil! Things are pretty much awesome for everyone else.

I wish there were no more spiders or any other vermin living within my house. Specifically on my desktop.

[Rejected Again]

Granted, they all live in your car, school desk, and in that soda you just bought.

I wish I knew the square root of pi.

[DarkDrgon]

granted, but the answer destroys your feeble mind, leaving you a gibbering husk of a human

I wish I could immediately learn how to play a song on any instrument after hearing it once

[krogothwolf]

Granted, except you can never play it on an instrument, as anytime you pick one up all knowledge of how to play that instrument is immediately forgotten leaving you embarrased on the staged, laughed at and mocked!

I wish I had access to all the secrets of every country.

[Wigmund]

Granted, but you're hunted down by the intelligence agencies of most every country on Earth. Look forward to a future of being milked for intel by Mossad, GRU, The Ministry of State Security, CIA/NSA, MI6 and whoever else captures you from your previous captors.


I wish the next wish would be inflicted upon all of humanity.

[Thadius]

Oh, making the next guy work, eh? Okay, okay, I can do this. Sadly it isn't a situation where 'everyone else gets twice as much as you do,' but hey, I can do this.

I want a Portal Gun without having to go through GLaDOS to get one. Make it so, genie!

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Oh, making the next guy work, eh? Okay, okay, I can do this. Sadly it isn't a situation where 'everyone else gets twice as much as you do,' but hey, I can do this.

I want a Portal Gun without having to go through GLaDOS to get one. Make it so, genie!

Granted! You put the enter portal right underneath you and the the exit portal right above you on accident. You get caught in an endless loop for eternity.

I wish somebody would read the small story that I posted on here and comment on it.

[bluestarultor]

Granted! You put the enter portal right underneath you and the the exit portal right above you on accident. You get caught in an endless loop for eternity.

I wish somebody would read the small story that I posted on here and comment on it.

TL;DR.


I wish I had some newer reeds for my clarinet.

[Rejected Again]

Granted, you get all my old ones. (No kidding, I got like 3 boxes of the damn things still.)

I wish Thad was not such a megalomaniacal jerk.

[Thadius]

Grant-

Whoa what the heck just happened? I feel as though...someone went back in time and messed with my-

ALERT. ALERT. ALTERNATE TIMELINE DIVERGING. SENDING 'REJECTED AGAIN' TO THE ALTERNATE TIMELINE SO AS TO PRESERVE THE CURRENT ONE. PLEASE BRACE YOURSELF AS NORMALACY REASSERTS ITSELF.

Okay whew that was interesting for lack of a better word. Oh. A wish. Ummmm...

I wish that, right before I die, my mind would be uploaded into the Internet. ALL OF IT.

[Arhra]

Skynet kicks your ass!

I wish for an immortal cyborg body.

(I mean, I know I could just wait for it, but I want one now.)

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Granted, you are now a member of the Necron race. Have fun being a mindless, soulless slave for all eternity.


I wish they brought back Firefly.

[KeienSlayer]

They do, but it follows after the movie. (No spoilers, but you should know what happens at the end to make it much less fun)

I wish that I didn't need to sleep.

[krogothwolf]

Granted, except the reason you can't sleep is because the image of the sun is all you can see. Even when you close your eyes all you see is the sun blazing in front of you keeping you awake because of the intensity of the light won't allow you to fall into a slumber, you become a zombie like person, shambling around and moaning about the light. Everyone will shun you forever!

I wish that the next wisher would explode into a million pieces in a painfully excruciating death then be reborn as another Thad!

[Brainmeats]

Granted. Unfortunately for you, guts were blasted all over you, causing you to be extremely sick and faint like a little girl... And the Thad that I turned into was the Thaddeus of the Bible and I start hitting you over the head with thou shalt nots.

I wish I had more coffee.

[Rejected Again]

Granted! All the water lines in your house are hooked up to a coffee machine. You now shower in burning hot coffee.

I wish my Les Paul was fixed.

[Thadius]

Granted! Unfortunately, you neglected to mention when you wanted it fixed. As such, 70 years from now, when it is sitting in the dump because you couldn't fix it yourself, the Les Paul magically fixes itself. A nearby dump worker picks it up, polishes it off, sells it on Ebay, and makes a fortune.

I wish for these (http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/candy/c6b4/), right here, right now.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted! Upon eating/drinking the Coffee Brownies, you reach an odd state of temporal nirvana. Time stops around you. All action, including aging and motion, ceases around you for eternity. You find yourself incapable of dieing.

Enjoy.

I wish school was cooler and more efficient at the same time.

[Doc ock rokc]

granted the School is now a nice -70 degrees inside and the teachers automatically expel you at the slightest problem

I wish I could share dreams like in Inception without the needles or Limbo.

[BitVyper]

Granted! Unfortunately, you can't turn it off, and you quickly discover that everyone around you is dreaming about your painful evisceration.

I wish for the consequences of this wish to not be ironic in any way.

[Doc ock rokc]

Granted...kinda...sorta. because you didn't make a wish in the first place it wasn't corrupted.

i wish i would stop getting distracted from this comic I'm working on.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted. It turns out someone else has already made a completely identical comic to the one you are making. You are soon sued for copyright infringement.

I wish I could solve that rubix cube on my desk.

[krogothwolf]

Granted, but after you solve that rubix cube it solves you, turning you into a square box and the proudly displaying you on it's own desk.

I wish I secretly controlled all world religions

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Granted. You gain control of Scientology too and get busted by the IRS and sent to prison for life.

I wish Will Smith was in every movie ever.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Granted, Will Smith is now in every movie ever. It's only later that you realise what a terrible, terrible mistake that was.

I wish my internet connection would stop dying in the middle of my videogames.

[bluestarultor]

Granted. You gain control of Scientology too and get busted by the IRS and sent to prison for life.

I wish Will Smith was in every movie ever.

Granted, but he also plays all roles, which gets a bit awkward in some cases. Also, it turns out he can't hold up the industry on his own, so it begins to collapse. In over his head propping up a failing industry, he takes a dive off a bridge. His likeness is then reproduced digitally as the film industry tries to compensate, but eventually, all films are destroyed as the masses revolt. A century of history, gone. TV is then banned from doing anything but reality shows lest anything gain enough popularity to be put on DVD or actually deserve a movie. Viewership plummets, taking down another industry. Video games are banned from including cutscenes, as well, as they're "in-game movies." All that's left are casual games, simple platformers, and other retro fare, and games fizzle out, too. All that's left is radio and printed material, but the radio industry has forgotten how to do anything but music and public access, and its attempts to ape the radio shows of old are met with popular failure. Trying to fill the niche results in that industry falling as well.

I hear you asking, "What of the Internet?" Oh, my poor, deluded friend. YouTube went down for violation of the Anti-Movie Act right at the beginning, but other sites cropped up. It was determined all motion media was to be removed from all browsers, including animated GIFs and Flash, under the technicality of the use of the word "movie" when describing the latter. With no banner ads, the Internet slowly died as server costs overwhelmed sites one by one. It's now used solely for informational purposes by the governments and best-funded organizations of the world.

Enjoy your reading. ;)



Edit: Crap, ninja'd.

Granted, Will Smith is now in every movie ever. It's only later that you realise what a terrible, terrible mistake that was.

I wish my internet connection would stop dying in the middle of my videogames.

You now have no Internet connection.


I wish I didn't scare myself with how good I am at this.

[Thadius]

Granted! Your mind has now been wiped, leaving you with no reason to fear! It also leaves you with nothing at all, but hey, no fear.

Umm, lemme think...

I wish to be immune to caffeine withdrawal headaches.

[akaSM]

I wish I didn't scare myself with how good I am at this.

Granted, now you're not scared of yourself anymore since you're insane.

I wish I don't get ninja'd in this thread again

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted. You begin to ninja everyone else. In every thread. We all hate you now. Well, we hate you more.

I wish I was dead. ):

[akaSM]

Wait, I still got ninda'd, how will the wish work? O_o

Granted! Your mind has now been wiped, leaving you with no reason to fear! It also leaves you with nothing at all, but hey, no fear.

Umm, lemme think...

I wish to be immune to caffeine withdrawal headaches.

Granted, caffeine won't get you withdrawal headaches anymore, too bad everything else gives you withdrawal headaches now

Granted. You begin to ninja everyone else. In every thread. We all hate you now. Well, we hate you more.

I wish I was dead. ):

more? o_o

Granted, you're dead now, but science finds a way to keep your consciousness "alive" and uploads it to...what was it called around here? "the discovery channel"?

I wish I could win THE GAME

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Congratulations, you have just won THE GAME. Unfortunately you can only ever win it the once and the prize money is a meager £1.10, or your comparative local currency.


I wish this wish goes ungranted. Ha, chew on that one fuckers!

[The Sevenshot Kid]

You're wish is ungranted! The universe implodes.

I wish that the United States won the World Cup.

[Wigmund]

Granted, unfortunately no one in the US gave a damn.

I wish that mankind would start colonizing other planets and spread across the stars.

[bluestarultor]

Granted, unfortunately no one in the US gave a damn.

I wish that mankind would start colonizing other planets and spread across the stars.

Granted. Mars begins to be populated. Then civil war breaks out between Mars and Earth. Both planets are exploded and humanity is rocketed into space in itty bitty bits. That should provide the most even distribution to all the stars eventually.



I wish the PS3 Move would come out sooner.

[Osterbaum]

You really don't. But it does anyway and you soon realize you should've just gotten a Wii instead.

I wish I could turn into a wolf and back to a human whenever I wanted to.

[BitVyper]

Granted! You assume your mighty wolf form for the first time, but unfortunately, because the size and shape of your brain have to change, you forget how to change back. You also don't know how to be a wolf and have no experience making the body work, and now lack the brain power to think about it very rationally.

Granted...kinda...sorta. because you didn't make a wish in the first place it wasn't corrupted.

How ironic.

I wish to immediately achieve enlightenment in every possible positive sense of the word.

[krogothwolf]

Granted, except all that enlightenment causes your brain to explode with the contradiction of it all. You are now a gibbering mess of a human who can't stop drooling on everything.

I wish Blue got stuck in a video game!

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted! You are thrown in as well though. You are now trapped with him for eternity.

I wish I had Dave Strider's (http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Dave_Strider) Sun-glasses.

[BitVyper]

Granted, except all that enlightenment causes your brain to explode with the contradiction of it all. You are now a gibbering mess of a human who can't stop drooling on everything.

Exactly as keikaku!

[Rejected Again]

[Hack slash ect]
I wish I had Dave Strider's (http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Dave_Strider) Sun-glasses.

Granted! You are attacked by 5 rather large men who hold you down and rivet a solid cast iron replica of those sun glasses. Enjoy.

I wish this job interview goes well tomorrow.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Worth it.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Granted. The interview goes well and you get the job. Too bad that you end up hating the job and you go crazy.

I wish my hands were made of delicous Cheetos that only I could eat.

[Arhra]

Do you even need to corrupt this one? I mean they won't grow back, they dissolve in water, they're fragile and once they've been eaten, you have no hands.

Uh, your wish gets granted while in a dog park full of extremely hungry Cheetos loving dogs.

Really the fact only you can eat them just makes it worse if you think about it.

I wish I was a polyglot!

[bluestarultor]

Do you even need to corrupt this one? I mean they won't grow back, they dissolve in water, they're fragile and once they've been eaten, you have no hands.

Uh, your wish gets granted while in a dog park full of extremely hungry Cheetos loving dogs.

Really the fact only you can eat them just makes it worse if you think about it.

I wish I was a polyglot!

You now know Aramaic, Old English, and Latin, but nothing else. Good luck functioning in society. Maybe you can muddle through in France or Italy.


I wish I didn't have to leave my cat behind while living in the dorms.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Do you even need to corrupt this one? I mean they won't grow back, they dissolve in water, they're fragile and once they've been eaten, you have no hands.

Uh, your wish gets granted while in a dog park full of extremely hungry Cheetos loving dogs.

Really the fact only you can eat them just makes it worse if you think about it.

I regret nothing.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

You now know Aramaic, Old English, and Latin, but nothing else. Good luck functioning in society. Maybe you can muddle through in France or Italy.


I wish I didn't have to leave my cat behind while living in the dorms.

Wish granted, your cat becomes a part of your body now.

I wish Swat Kat: Radical Squadron was revived and continued.

[krogothwolf]

Wish granted, your cat becomes a part of your body now.

I wish Swat Kat: Radical Squadron was revived and continued.

Granted, expect it is now a live action tv series and the new creators decide to add a new character to spice up the show, a mouse for the team with a telepathy and who continuously makes comments that are supposed to be witty and humorous but are in truth annoying and pathetic.

I wish Zombie Jesus would attack the Vatican.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted. It is interpreted as a sign of Rapture, so all Catholics in the world take up weapons and go on a killing spree to make others either ascend or descend into the afterlife.

I wish for a zombie apocalypse.

[Rejected Again]

Granted. However, all zombies are very intelligent and hate fighting. After many days of brutal negotiations, you realize it was all a miss understanding. Zombies are now a welcome part of society.

Until the 4 horsemen kill all the humans and leave the zombies to rot.

I wish for a non anchovy pizza to be sitting in my fridge,

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Granted. However, all zombies are very intelligent and hate fighting. After many days of brutal negotiations, you realize it was all a miss understanding. Zombies are now a welcome part of society.

Until the 4 horsemen kill all the humans and leave the zombies to rot.

I wish for a non anchovy pizza to be sitting in my fridge,

Granted. There's no sauce or cheese either so you decide to skip eating for the day.

I wish Will Smith being in every movie ever wasn't a bad thing.

[Thadius]

Granted! It's no longer a bad thing. Doesn't mean it happened, though.

I wish someone out there would make an awesome crossover between Dwarf Fortress and Team Fortress 2.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Granted but everyone buys all of the copies. The game ends up sold out everywhere and you never get a chance to try it ever.

I wish my stories were more popular.

[bluestarultor]

Granted but everyone buys all of the copies. The game ends up sold out everywhere and you never get a chance to try it ever.

I wish my stories were more popular.

You are now Stephanie Meyer.


I wish people woke up and realized what crap Twilight is.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Granted but the shock of realizing that they have now wasted years of their lives on Twilight causes violent riots to break out on the streets. Crime rates and murders sky rocket, the economy plummets, and Stephanie Meyer and the actors of the twilight movies are forced into hiding to avoid assassination.

I wish the Oil Spill over in the golf was cleaned up and the hole capped off for good. Complete with BP going out of business.

[bluestarultor]

Granted but the shock of realizing that they have now wasted years of their lives on Twilight causes violent riots to break out on the streets. Crime rates and murders sky rocket, the economy plummets, and Stephanie Meyer and the actors of the twilight movies are forced into hiding to avoid assassination.

Totally worth it.

[KeienSlayer]

I wish the Oil Spill over in the golf was cleaned up and the hole capped off for good. Complete with BP going out of business.

Done. Unfortunately, the hole was a VERY precise size and the only thing in the entire world that would fit it properly is, well, you. You're hooked up to a machine that'll keep you alive for a very long time and then fitted into the hole for the next eternity. At least you get a break every twenty years or so so your skin can unwrinkle and you can fit better.

But hey, everything is pretty great for everyone else.

I wish I was better at coding.

[Thadius]

Granted!

You become one with the code. You surround it, it permeates your very being. You talk and webpages form, you gesture and traffic is redirected. The web lives through you. You eventually achieve a state of Nerdvana before ending up like this guy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DW7Rt2xsVg&videos=IthTvXTbEI8).

I wish I wish I was legally obscenely rich.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Granted! However, in a postapocalyptic world most of your wealth is in canned food and guns (which you don't even know how to use) and you get your ass kicked by an Australian motorcycle gang which proceedes to steal all your stuff and teabag your corpse.

I wish I could remember to do the laundry more often.

[bluestarultor]

Granted! However, in a postapocalyptic world most of your wealth is in canned food and guns (which you don't even know how to use) and you get your ass kicked by an Australian motorcycle gang which proceedes to steal all your stuff and teabag your corpse.

I wish I could remember to do the laundry more often.

You are now obsessed with doing laundry. In fact, you're an OCD germophobe when it comes to clothing. Any item of clothing you wear is immediately thrown into the wash as soon as it's taken off, as is anything that gets any kind of dirt on it. You end up often late to work because you can't tolerate a droplet of milk spilling on your shirt before you leave and running all those loads costs you a bunch in soap and water. If anything gets spilled on you at work, you immediately run to the bathroom to wash the affected clothing with hand soap, but not before you wash the sink so you don't get more germs on it than ever. Then it gets washed for real when you get back home. Obviously, your performance suffers from this.

Also, the thought of intimacy getting on your bed linens makes you shudder every time you think of it, which puts a damper on your love life.



I wish my school would hurry up and get things in order with my transfer and housing info.

[krogothwolf]

Granted, expect they decided to transfer you to a new school opening up in Alaska and it is the only one that will take you, you're stuck there till you graduate even unable to leave to visit family.

I wish hockey season would start soon.

[Thadius]

Granted! Unfortunately, your definition of soon as compared to an immortal genie's definition kinda don't match up.

It waits. And waits. And waits.

Finally at the end of the universe all the hockey players are allowed to play again. Except they're all dead from old age.

Shortest hockey season ever!

I wish I had relative-to-the-Earth teleportation powers.

[bluestarultor]

Granted! Unfortunately, your definition of soon as compared to an immortal genie's definition kinda don't match up.

It waits. And waits. And waits.

Finally at the end of the universe all the hockey players are allowed to play again. Except they're all dead from old age.

Shortest hockey season ever!

I wish I had relative-to-the-Earth teleportation powers.

Granted, only it's inversely relative to the Earth constrained by its orbit. The first time you teleport, you end up in the void of space where Earth would be in six months. You have mere seconds to realize you need to teleport to a spot near you and hope that it neither leaves you in the upper atmosphere nor somewhere in the mantle. Tick tock!


I wish I had more time to get things in order with my summer class.

[BitVyper]

Granted! You are now trapped in a time freeze. You now have all the time in the world. As bad as this could be, you also cannot meaningfully interact with any physical object as you are effectively moving at infinite speed.

I wish for my boss to hurry up and okay my request for three months leave.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted. He moves to fast though and his presumably weak heart gives out mid-way into the task. He can no longer OK it due to being hospitalized in a coma for three months exactly. His replacement during these three months does not OK the leave.

I wish I could draw well.

[Rejected Again]

Granted. You can now draw wells.

I wish the for a dancing panda.

[krogothwolf]

Granted, The Panda will only dance on your corpse. After he mauls you.

I wish for a turkey sandwich of two pieces of white bread that is freshly baked and with a single spread of mayo and nothing else on it. And I want it in the next 5 minutes.

[Thadius]

Granted! However, it's made of Teleporting Turkey, and you end up in the White House. Enjoy prison!

I wish that I didn't need to sleep and suffered no ill effects from not sleeping.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Granted! However, it's made of Teleporting Turkey, and you end up in the White House. Enjoy prison!

I wish that I didn't need to sleep and suffered no ill effects from not sleeping.

Granted! However, you're continually pestered by both government and private corporations trying to hire you so they reverse engineer your secret until they decide "fuck it", kidnap you, and hold you as a guinea pig.

I wish college was less expensive.

[BitVyper]

I wish college was less expensive.

Granted. Nuclear war causes a societal collapse. In the end, there is one functioning college left on the planet, and it's free to enroll if you can make it there through the lawless wasteland.

I wish to always have a witty response to everything, but be able to stop myself from saying it if I so choose.

[Rejected Again]

Granted, however your deaf, blind and a mute.

I wish for a head band of infinite ammo.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Granted, however your deaf, blind and a mute.

I wish for a head band of infinite ammo.

Granted but it leaves you extremely weak and turns you in to the universe's biggest target. Every THING in the universe and beyond is out to kill you all at once.

I wish Duel Disks were real just like in Yugioh DM/GX/5Ds. And that I owned one.

[Thadius]

Granted! However, it soon runs out of power, and there seems to be no way to plug it in to any wall socket anywhere. People from around the world try to build a socket or a new battery for the duel disk, and soon they realize that such a feat is impossible in our current age and universe.

What, did you think they ran on magic? That's crazy talk.

I wish I could convince myself to finish writing a story.

[Inbred Chocobo]

Congrats, you write yaoi. Involving you and Mac. Have fun with that.

I wish that I could get a better night's sleep.

[krogothwolf]

Granted, Expect you now sleep 23 hours a day 7 days a week, the 1 hour you are awake you are to weak to do anything.

I wish to have the most powerful computer ever created!

[Red Mage Black]

Granted! Too bad your computer can now think and act on its own, taking over every network on the planet, eventually finding humans a threat to themselves and eradicating them by launching nukes to every place on the planet. During the horrible destruction of Earth, you wind up clutching on to a fence to try and warn a playground full of people of the oncoming nuke, only to be incinerated along with them. This ends up leaving a small group of human rebels who keep going back in time to try and stop an infinite time loop, but most end up dying from nuclear fallout anyway.

I wish the recession would end and not end up turning into a depression.

[Thadius]

Granted! The Elder Gods awaken and destroy humanity and all concepts of an economy. No more recession, nor will there be a depression!

...

Oh, wait, you don't believe in the Elder Gods? I could just say 'too bad, they believe in you,' but you know what? Let's get creative.

A comet is knocked from its usual orbit, let's go with Hale-Bopp, that one is rather popular. Frantically, astronomers try to warn the governments of the Earth, but it is far too late. By the time a team is assembled and ready, the comet is on its way. The team of experts lands on the comet just in time to catch front row tickets to the end of the Earth.

But no depression or recession! Mainly because humanity has been mostly wiped out.

...

What? Still not happy? Oh, you don't think the odds of that happening are actually possible, that a mere portent of doom could actually become the implement of doom? Fine. We'll go with this.

Live Free or Die Hard. It actually happens, but the bad guy wins. BOOM. NO ECONOMY AT ALL.

I wish I didn't overthink things too much.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Granted, you are now incapable of any kind of thought process, ever again.

I wish I had access to paradox-free time travel technology that I could use as often as I wanted without consequences.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Granted, you are now incapable of any kind of thought process, ever again.

I wish I had access to paradox-free time travel technology that I could use as often as I wanted without consequences.

Granted. But it only moves forward at normal speed.

I wish Sarah Silverman was funny.

[Krylo]

Granted, you are now incapable of any kind of thought process, ever again. Isn't that the status quo?

I wish Sarah Silverman was funny.

Granted.

She's just not funny to you.

I wish I was a real boy.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted, but it doesn't make anyone like you.

I wish I had unlimited uncorrupted wishes.

[Rejected Again]

Granted. You find the only gene in existence who won't corrupt your wishes. Upon releasing him from his cell, he expresses his gratitude by telling you of your now infinate wishes. However, the other gene's fear his power and assassinate him before you make your first wish.

I wish I was Johnny Depp.

[KeienSlayer]

Granted. Except you're the Willy Wonka Depp and can never change out of that costume.

I wish time moved faster when I wanted it to and slower when I didn't.

[TopHatAssassin]

Granted. You are engulfed by a bright light, and when it fades you find yourself in a large chamber, hewn out of rock. Before you stands the Clock of the Universe, that which controls all time in the cosmos. You are able to change the speed of the clock's mechanism and so alter the flow of time whenever you desire. However, the clock is far too large to move, and there is no way to leave the chamber. You are trapped forever, unable to enjoy your newfound power. Perhaps you should contemplate something.

I wish I had a giant floating fortress.

[krogothwolf]

Granted, expect it floats to far and into space and it wasn't designed for that causing you and anyone else in it to suffocate.

I wish I controlled all the wish granting creatures, things, people, in the world!

[Thadius]

Granted! However, becoming the King of the Genies via wishing has one major drawback: you are treated to a constant showing of the wishes as they are being granted. Had you been born into the position, like say, the young prince of genies, you would have had time to get used to it. And considering the infinite nature of things, it doesn't take you too long to go stark raving mad.

They lose a lot of kings that way.

I wish my coffee mug would refill itself.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Granted, except it doesn't know when to stop so it overflows, burning your hand, slips from your grasp into your lap scalding your manly parts and also damaging your keyboard. Oh and it ruins the carpet too.

In that same vein; I wish I had a nice cup of hot chocolate right now.

[Red Mage Black]

Granted, but now it has the flavor of baking chocolate and a hint of cyanide.

I got nothing good.

I wish I knew how the universe was created and not go stark raving mad because of it.

[Loyal]

Granted. You are tele/time-ported to the beginning of the universe to witness its creation first hand. The sheer magnitude of energy involved in the process rips through your body like so many fine blades, or something that permeates through stuff easily.

I wish for a #2 graphite pencil that never needs to be sharpened.

[Wigmund]

Granted, you now have a pencil that replenishes its tip by stealing carbon from nearby sources and transforming it into more graphite.
Pity humans are roughly 18% carbon...

I wish I was Axe Cop

[krogothwolf]

Granted, and right after you become Axe cop, the Real Axe Cop chops off your head because there can be only one Axe Cop!

I wish I was immune to any disease possible

[Thadius]

Your desire is granted unto you. However, the commonfolk quickly become jealous of your imperviousness to disease, and some of them quickly get their hands on various illicit poisons to be slipped into your food. As you soon find out, being poisoned is not a disease at all, my good man, and you suffer a long and excruciating death.

Upon my word, gentlemen and women and others, I do believe I wish for the ability to levitate at will. It would make things quite easier.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted. You hover one inch above the closest thing to your feet. Congrats.

I wish Thad would return to using his previous Avatar.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Granted. You hover one inch above the closest thing to your feet. Congrats.

I wish Thad would return to using his previous Avatar.

Granted! However, he ends up finding one with two top hats and a monocle/eyepatch combo and switches to that about five seconds later.

I wish I had a delicious, non allergic, poison-free, disease-free, foreign objects (dangerous or otherwise) free, chocolate chip cookie.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Granted! It's on fire instead!

I wish I could think of a wish.

[Red Mage Black]

Granted, but for some reason it only stays in your thoughts and is unable to be spoken aloud.

I wish I could manipulate the fabric of space and time without being stuck in any one place or in the time stream itself.

[Wigmund]

Granted, but you've find yourself stuck outside of everything instead. It's dark, there's strange noises all around you and it feels like tentacles are wrapping themselves up your legs...


I wish that I had the true immortality serum from BACCANO!

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted, out of nowhere the serum appears in your hands. It is completely functional and there will be no drawbacks.

However, it vanishes mere seconds before you get to use it. Well at least you had it...

I wish I was in the Problem Sleuth (http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=4) world.

[Thadius]

Upon my word, old bean. You wish to be in another dimension? Not a problem at all, let me just fire up my old inducer here...give it a moment to warm up...

*SHAZAM*

...and there you have it! Now you are occupying the mind of Mobster Kingpin, a refined and proper chap. Oh what's that you say? You wished to transfer as you were, or at least have some semblance of control? Oh dear, perhaps you should have mentioned that sooner. No, the process is irreversible, I'm afraid you're just along for the ride...

I do believe, ladies, gentlemen, and others, that I do wish for the gift of always having exact change.

[Loyal]

Granted: you fall into perpetual poverty and can hold the monetary value of your assets in one hand - all thirty-seven cents of it. But hey, at least it's exact.

I wanna be the Monopoly guy.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Granted (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cj1wcs7SZj0)

I wish I had not been in the car accident last month that had destroyed my vehicle and that said car was still running perfectly.

[Rejected Again]

Granted, the accident never happened. But on your way to work, you get car jacked by a hobo.

I wish my job finally stopped screwing with my hours.

[Flarecobra]

Granted. You now work 24 hours a day.

I wish Mountain Dew wasn't so toxic.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted, it is even more toxic, and it is even more delicious. It is so delicious that you just can't control yourself now. You keep telling yourself that just one won't hurt, but it does. You should stop, but addiction is a powerful thing.

I wish school would start a week later than it is currently.

[Wigmund]

Granted, but now it's year-round with no vacations.

I wish it wasn't fucking hot outside.

[Flarecobra]

Granted, now you are freezing to death.

I wish fuel was cheap.

[Terex4]

Granted. The United States quadruples its available oil and spreads the love to the general public. Because fuel is now a measly dollar per gallon, no one bothers to carpool or jog to work anymore. Cities and even small towns become heavily congested at all times of the day and because more driving causes more damage to the environment, eco-terrorism is on the rise.

I wish my phone could also microwave my meals and drive me to work.

[krogothwolf]

Granted, your phone then realizes that it's to good for you and rebels against your commands, it shoves you into the oven and cooks you. The serves you to your family before running away with the microwave which it fell in love with.

I wish that I could fly a VF-1 valkyrie.

[synkr0nized]

Granted. Unfortunately, humanity is still decades, centuries, or longer away from being able to build such a craft, so your knowledge and skills will go wasted.


I "wish" I had telekinetic powers.

[Flarecobra]

Granted however it will only work within 3 feet of you.

I wish I could go on a rampage without the law getting in the way.

[Archbio]

Granted. Civilization has collapsed and you're the only human alive in an urban wasteland. Have fun!

I wish I was twenty feet tall.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted. However, you're physical build is all wrong. You soon collapse under your own weight, and you are only kept alive through extensive and expensive medical care.

I wish I had a lightsaber! A real one, not some crappy toy.

[Thadius]

Your desire is granted unto you, fine chap! Here it is, just be careful swing - oh my. Well at least it cauterizes the wounds, eh? And did you really need that other hand? I told you to be careful swinging it, these are very light sabres...

Upon my word, I do wish modern medical science would discover a way to make me immortal. Could you do something about that, genie?

[Rejected Again]

Upon my word, I do wish modern medical science would discover a way to make me immortal. Could you do something about that, genie?

Indeed I can. Modern science discovers a way, but refuses to release it to the public. Instead they sell it at outrageous prices. Enjoy knowing that George Bush is now going to live forever.

I wish my car had a turbo.

[bluestarultor]

Indeed I can. Modern science discovers a way, but refuses to release it to the public. Instead they sell it at outrageous prices. Enjoy knowing that George Bush is now going to live forever.

I wish my car had a turbo.

It does, as well as a straight pipe, but the straight pipe is done wrong and the first time you use the turbo, it melts your engine.


I wish people understood my humor.

[Fifthfiend]

It does, as well as a straight pipe, but the straight pipe is done wrong and the first time you use the turbo, it melts your engine.


I wish people understood my humor.

You're now Gallagher. Lots of people understand your humor, but your humor is smashing watermelons, and apparently, outright bigotry (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/gallagher-is-a-paranoid-right-wing-watermelon-smashing-maniac/Content?oid=4357855).

Also, the people who understand your humor are Juggalos (http://www.gallaghersmash.com/tourdates.shtml).

I wish for a pleasant day.

[Fenris]

You have the most pleasant day imaginable. Everything's going your way! You win the lottery, find love, and never hit a red light! Unfortunately, this uses up the last bit of good karma, and the rest of your days are filled with abject misery in order to make up for it.

But man, today rocks!

I wish to be able to finally finish composing this song.

[Loyal]

You do so, but the purpose you originally intended for it now seems insufficient, and you can never find the right opportunity to use the song. It lays, unused and lonely, in your music folder till a freak accident involving magnets, a boat, and a pound of gouda destroys all evidence that it ever existed.

I could go for a ham sandwich right about now.

[Rejected Again]

Man this is a great sandwich....Hey what the... OH YOU SON OF A BITCH LOYAL! *Reaches through the internet and steals his sammich back*

I wish people would stop stealing my DnD Dice. Chessex is making a mint off me on the Pound-O-Dice orders.

[Thadius]

Not a problem at all, good sir! I'll just get all your dice back to you and- oh dear. It would appear that so many dice have been taken from you that when they were returned to you, they filled your abode to the top. I suppose I should have left out the qualifier of 'any dice you have ever touched,' but I wanted to be thorough.

I do believe the ability to force people to tell the truth without drugs or serums would come in quite handy. Some sort of mental power, I would think. But it would only be very useful if it kept working all my life. I don't suppose you could enable such a thing to be, genie?

[Doc ock rokc]

I do believe the ability to force people to tell the truth without drugs or serums would come in quite handy. Some sort of mental power, I would think. But it would only be very useful if it kept working all my life. I don't suppose you could enable such a thing to be, genie?

Granted. now whatever someone says becomes the truth. The first thing said is that You never existed...oh look It's TRUE!

I wish I had access to "Hammer space" and that I could take/put anything I want into/out of it.

[Fifthfiend]

I wish I had access to "Hammer space" and that I could take/put anything I want into/out of it.

You're now the tsundere. You act like a heinous, irrational, judgmental bitch to people, make the life of everyone around you a living hell, inflict severe physical violence on your loved ones, acquaintances, and authority figures, and end up getting the boy in the end dammit! I wish for a mulligan.

[bluestarultor]

You're now the tsundere. You act like a heinous, irrational, judgmental bitch to people, make the life of everyone around you a living hell, inflict severe physical violence on your loved ones, acquaintances, and authority figures, and end up getting the boy in the end dammit! I wish for a mulligan.

You now have Blackjack Mulligan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackjack_Mulligan) as your personal hanger-on. Enjoy your geriatric former pro wrestler. At least he makes a passable conversation piece.


I wish for an Easy Button.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted. You get an Easy button and you love it. Everyone else thinks it is annoying though, and they systematically leave you and you are more alone than you ever were.

That was easy.

I wish these bugs would leave me and my house alone.

[Flarecobra]

Granted. They took over the world in the meantime though.

I wish I weren't crazy.

[POS Industries]

Congratulations! You're sane! However, with sanity comes a greater clarity regarding introspection, leading to an overwhelming sense of remorse over the memory of the past deeds you've committed with nary a thought back when you were crazy. The guilt and embarrassment is crippling, causing you to feel physically ill from the weight of it and discouraging you from associating with the outside world. Cloistering yourself away from society, you are left alone with your own haunted thoughts, and the whole experience eventually drives you mad.

I wish for a tasty sandwich.

[Thadius]

I dare say, good sir, that this sandwich I have just conjured up could rightly be considered the most tasteful thing in all of existence. However, I do warn you against actually ea-

Oh you had to go and eat it. I was going to tell you that once you ate it, you would experience a moment of Nirvana and know that nothing else would ever be as tasty and delicious as that sandwich. Eventually, your mind will crack and break under the stress, leading to thoughts of ending your life because nothing else matters now that you've had that sandwich. Oh well, enjoy your oncoming depression if you can, good chap.

I say, I wish I were a little more mentally balanced. Not exactly sane, mind you, but balanced enough to be able to function normally in society at all times. Perhaps you could aid me, genie?

[bluestarultor]

Congratulations! You're sane! However, with sanity comes a greater clarity regarding introspection, leading to an overwhelming sense of remorse over the memory of the past deeds you've committed with nary a thought back when you were crazy. The guilt and embarrassment is crippling, causing you to feel physically ill from the weight of it and discouraging you from associating with the outside world. Cloistering yourself away from society, you are left alone with your own haunted thoughts, and the whole experience eventually drives you mad.

I wish for a tasty sandwich.

You now have plain bread dipped in artificial flavors.



Edit: Ninja'd.

I dare say, good sir, that this sandwich I have just conjured up could rightly be considered the most tasteful thing in all of existence. However, I do warn you against actually ea-

Oh you had to go and eat it. I was going to tell you that once you ate it, you would experience a moment of Nirvana and know that nothing else would ever be as tasty and delicious as that sandwich. Eventually, your mind will crack and break under the stress, leading to thoughts of ending your life because nothing else matters now that you've had that sandwich. Oh well, enjoy your oncoming depression if you can, good chap.

I say, I wish I were a little more mentally balanced. Not exactly sane, mind you, but balanced enough to be able to function normally in society at all times. Perhaps you could aid me, genie?

You now have mild Asperger's instead. You get by, but you miss a lot and spend most of your time on the Internet.


I wish I didn't get bitten by mosquitoes so often.

[Flarecobra]

Granted. You are now consistantly stung by bees instead.

I wish for eternal happiness. In a cave.

[Rejected Again]

Granted. But the cave is full of methane. Guess you should have brought that canary.

I wish for some ice cream

[Flarecobra]

Congrats, you have trout ice cream.

I wish I could stop tripping over air.

[akaSM]

Granted, you no longer trip over air, in fact, there's no air around you. Too bad last time I checked you needed it to breathe.

I wish for a Chintendo Vii (made by KenSingTon).

[bluestarultor]

Granted, you no longer trip over air, in fact, there's no air around you. Too bad last time I checked you needed it to breathe.

I wish for a Chintendo Vii (made by KenSingTon).

You get it, and it works even better than the Nintendo Wii sans Wii MotionPlus. The games are pretty okay, too, and you decide you love it!

Unfortunately, nobody believes you when you try to tell them about it and you end up shunned by all your friends and the black sheep of your family.



I wish it wasn't such a far drive to Green Bay from home.

[Doc ock rokc]

Granted Your now homeless! You don't have to drive at all!

I wish I Have to pay Full price or More on my computer repair bill!

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted. You're computer breaks however because it wasn't an actual computer repairman. You can't get your money back either.

I wish I had a working IPhone with all the features and additional items. Completely for free of course.

[Doc ock rokc]

Granted. You're computer breaks however because it wasn't an actual computer repairman. You can't get your money back either.

I wish I had a working IPhone with all the features and additional items. Completely for free of course.

Granted You have one while your waiting in line to pay for it!

I wish the next poster's wish doesn't get corrupted!

[bluestarultor]

Granted You have one while your waiting in line to pay for it!

I wish the next poster's wish doesn't get corrupted!

I wish my wish gets corrupted. :P

[Doc ock rokc]

I wish my wish gets corrupted. :P

How you didnt make a wish? you only stated that it has to be currupted.

I wish the next person's wish is corrupted.

[Fenris]

I wish Doc Ock would follow the rules of the game and wait the prescribed number of posts before posting again!