Dragon Age: A stupid game. Also, a dumb game.

[Fifthfiend]

So I am playing this game Dragon Age and the lesbian I'm romancing gets all upset every time I try to loot a corpse or slit an orphan's throat or WHATEVER.

And then this werewolf is like "So I know you've been murdering werewolves all day but how would you like to not do that, and instead, murder all the elves that you were saving from us?" So I go the elves-murdering route and the girl is all "yeah I'm cool with this, ALSO I'm gonna sing this stupid fucking song now".

Fuck this game, this is a stupid game; also, fuck this game.

[Krylo]

So you're romancing Leilianna?

There's your problem right there.

[Wigmund]

I left her at camp while I was romancing her. Hard for her to bitch about your habits when she's not around to see you do horrible things.

For fun, after you harden her, take her along to get the Sacred Ashes.

When you get the option, go along with the dragon worshipers and defile the Ashes. Leliana will get bitchy, but you can tell her to shut the fuck up and she'll take it.

Also, the merchant's endless supply of happy trinkets to give to your pals (It's one of the DLCs, also has the joke gifts) makes it easy for everyone to forget how much of a fucking monster you are.

[Marc v4.0]

Just like real life

edit: Send that bitch an Andraste's Grace. Bitches love Andraste's Grace

[Aerozord]

I left her at camp while I was romancing her. Hard for her to bitch about your habits when she's not around to see you do horrible things.

For fun, after you harden her, take her along to get the Sacred Ashes.

When you get the option, go along with the dragon worshipers and defile the Ashes. Leliana will get bitchy, but you can tell her to shut the fuck up and she'll take it.

Also, the merchant's endless supply of happy trinkets to give to your pals (It's one of the DLCs, also has the joke gifts) makes it easy for everyone to forget how much of a fucking monster you are.

Or do what I did take all her gear and strip her naked right before, then just kill her off I mean that prestige class is a pain to get, and I already had a rogue

[Wigmund]

But I like having the entire collection of possible travel buddies at all times even though I'll never use some of them.

Like Wynne.

[Great Cartoonist]

I'm still trying to figure out how this game is any different from Planescape Torment/Baldur's Gate/Neverwinter Nights once you take away all the high-end visuals. And whatever other high-end stuff they put into these current-gen games nowadays.

Also I hate mandatory minigames that require skill levels of impossible.

[Yrcrazypa]

It is much worse once you take away the visuals. 90% of the planning goes away when you realize that at the end of every single combat, you go back to full health and mana. The story was pretty uninteresting as well, though I guess it was slightly better than Neverwinter Nights' story.

[Great Cartoonist]

The original Neverwinter Nights campaign's storyline was a bucketload of stupid in which all the important plot twists weren't so much twists as they were giant curves with neon signs all over the place and all the good guys except potentially you were giant flaming morons that had flames over their heads in the shape of the word "MORON". However, it is excusable as the main selling point of the game was all the custom content you could make with the help of their included toolset. And also a proper multiplayer. Plus the expansions and custom modules had better storylines (though I might not be so sure about some user-generated modules).

I have yet to try Dragon Age, so I wouldn't know about how it compares to Neverwinter Nights. However, I do know that it does have a huge advantage over the graphics department. But graphics aren't my main focus when it comes to deciding if a game is good or not.

[CABAL49]

If you do her sidequest, you find out that she was originally a heartless bitch assassin but became a nun so that she could hide from her former employer/lover. After becoming a nun she was kinda like, killing is bad! But then you can convince her to get off on it again. Then have a foursome with her.

[Fifthfiend]

So you're romancing Leilianna?

There's your problem right there.

Options: Leliana, Alastair, that fucking douchebag elf.

People whose fault it isn't that they didn't make Morrigan the lesbian: not mine.

EDIT: All i'm asking for is to roleplay an evil, orphan-killing lesbian, blowing shit up with magic along with her evil, orphan-killing girlfriend.

I'm not asking for a lot.

[Fifthfiend]

Alastair tried to give my character a rose.

I hadda be like, boy, no.

[Fifthfiend]

This game would be a lot better if every time Alastair talks, you can make your dog bite him.

[Great Cartoonist]

If you have a toolset you can make your own campaign in which everything that you just described will happen.

I'm not sure how complex Dragon Age's toolset is, but if it's anything like Neverwinter Nights' toolset then you should be able to learn how to use it by yourself.

Also I am reminded of the Hordes of the Underdark expansion for Neverwinter Nights in which there's always an option to "Reprimand Deekin" whenever you talk to him if he's in your party.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Leliana is the hot redhead right? Yeah, I can see why you made this choice...

I was going to borrow this game from a friend a while back when I was bored. Then I grew some sense and realised how boring it looked.

[Krylo]

Lel is the only (young) female character with a fully exposed forehead.

There is a reason all the other women have their foreheads hidden.

Hint: Bioware is not good at making emotive foreheads without also making the character look like she is 60.

She also just has a weird face all around.

ALSO: Alistair is a way better love interest than Lel. He may be a fumbling virgin but at least he doesn't try to talk to you about goddamn French fashion and how great it is.

EDIT:

Lel: SHOES SHOES SHOES I LOVE SHOES ALSO DRESSES OH MY GOD DRESSES AND HAIR AND SHOES AND DRESS AND HAIR AND DRESSES AND SHOES SHOES SHOES AND THE MAKER THE MAKER IS GREAT AND HE TALKS TO ME AND I AM NOT CRAZY AT ALL SHOOOOOOES!

Al: ...So... how do you undo the bra again?

Zev: Sooooooo... wanna fuck?

One of these is clearly inferior.

Hint: It is Lel.

Edit 2: I made a rogue specifically because Zevran sucks at lock picking and I didn't want to bring crazy bitch ass along.

[Aerozord]

Gotta wonder if there is some underlying message. Considering how all the female love interest are a really pain to keep happy. The only one harder to please then them is Sten. I mean, yea he has a point about the encroaching dark spawn, but not like I have to be reminded of it every time I do a side-quest, or hell even most of the main quest

[Krylo]

I had no problem keeping Morrigan happy, personally. But that's 'cause I ALSO like to bite my thumb at the theocracy.

[Liquid Snake]

I have to confess that I was kind of a little disappointed with Dragon Age, not because it's a terrible game or anything, but more because it just absolutely does not compare in any way, shape or form with Mass Effect.

Dragon Age is pretty standard whitewashed, prototypical Tolkienian fantasy, complete with unoriginal elements like elves and dwarves, and the only thing that elevated Dragon Age into the realm of the truly unique was the dialogue. But even then it was mostly just the concept of adding modern-sounding, charismatic 21st century elements to Tolkien, like having the writers of Arrested Development craft a narrative for Lord of the Rings. There are moments where it's quite clever, but it really never gripped me in the way I hoped it would.

Whereas Mass Effect just sucker-punches you with fucking awesome original, deep, delightful storytelling from the get-go, and never lets go.

I also think that the sheer breadth of options for your character's origins in Dragon Age made the beginning of the game (the respective Origins stories, and up until that initial Two Towers style battle sequence) considerably more interesting than the beginning of Mass Effect. But once the origin stories ended, the fact that the storyline had to accommodate so many vastly different versions of the main character hurt the overall quality of the narration. With Shepard, you really only have four versions (renegade and paragon, male and female) of the character so it's easier to go into considerable depth and make Shepard a living, breathing entity. Your character in Origins, by contrast, never really speaks and feels ancillary to the entire plot. That's one reason why I'm actually in the minority and I'm actually glad that Bioware's purposefully making Dragon Age II more like Mass Effect, I think the story can improve tremendously.

EDIT: Also I have to confess that my experience with Dragon Age: Origins has been tainted by trying (and failing) to effectively play a Male Noble Rogue. I understand why some people say the Rogue's the best class in terms of DPS or something but I suck with a Rogue, and simply by switching out to supporting characters I can already tell I'd play a Mage or a Tank-style Warrior far better. With my Rogue build, I have to get in close with two weapons, but I can barely take any damage before I'm dead.

EDIT 2: Realized once Fifthfiend quoted me that I accidentally called DA: Origins "DA: II" there.

[Fifthfiend]

Yeah Morrigan loves me, we are like orphan-shanking best buddies.

Totally platonic orphan-shanking best buddies.

:(

EDIT: Also I have to confess that my experience with Dragon Age II has been tainted by trying (and failing) to effectively play a Male Noble Rogue. I understand why some people say the Rogue's the best class in terms of DPS or something but I suck with a Rogue, and simply by switching out to supporting characters I can already tell I'd play a Mage or a Tank-style Warrior far better. With my Rogue build, I have to get in close with two weapons, but I can barely take any damage before I'm dead.

The one thing I unreservedly love about this game is how shamelessly fucking cheap Magicks is.

Blizzard > Blizzard > Tempest > Firestorm and everything's dead before we ever even shake hands.

[Krylo]

Yeah Morrigan loves me, we are like orphan-shanking best buddies.

Totally platonic orphan-shanking best buddies.

:( If it makes you feel better, you are her FIRST friend ever.

Also: http://www.dragonagenexus.com/

There is totally a mod there to make her fuck chicks, but my internet is slow as all fuck because SOMEONE is patching WoW right now, so I can't search for it (without spending a half hour on waiting for pages to load). You'll have to find it yourself.



The one thing I unreservedly love about this game is how shamelessly fucking cheap Magicks is.

Blizzard > Blizzard > Tempest > Firestorm and everything's dead before we ever even shake hands.It sure would be nice if that worked on bosses. Instead of only the things you don't actually need it to work on.

[Liquid Snake]

Yeah, as opposed to continuing on with my Male Noble Rogue I've been thinkin' about just starting over with a Mage.

If I do go Female I'm definitely seducing Alistair. Leliana's accent gets on my fucking nerves (hence why I pursued Morrigan the first time around.) Alistair, on the other hand, reminds me vaguely of what I'd be like if I were born into a medieval society and was considerably stronger (and slightly more handsome.)

[Wigmund]

Arcane Warrior. I'm a Mage and I'm the fucking Tank.


Do you have any of the DLCs Fifth? Because I think you'll like Shale.

[Krylo]

You're best off being rogue or mage for you main, yeah, as they require a shit ton of micro-management to work properly. Rogues more than mages, really.

Rogues have to watch their aggro and make sure to stay behind enemies/learn how to spam stuns. But a properly grown rogue will basically stun lock enemies eventually and be able to 'backstab' stunned enemies from the front. My female noble rogue kills shit so fast it's not even funny.

Mages need to be constantly told what to cast because no matter how well you set up the AI it'll never be adequate for mages.

Dual wield warriors are also pretty awesome, doing roughly the same damage as rogues (can do more if they proc enough shit), and having greater survivability but they can't stun lock or stealth or pick locks or anything cool like that. They need pretty much zero micromanagement, though. Just point them at an enemy and watch them cut it to ribbons.

Tanks too. Just point them at an enemy and ignore them. Assuming you have them set up to drink potions soon enough.

EDIT: Arcane Warriors can't tank worth shit, you are crazy. They just don't die as fast as an actual mage (which makes them pretty awesome, admittedly). However, the low con and dex keeps them from being able to avoid hits and sets their hp too low to do any real tanking. UNLESS I GUESS you stat them up as a tank, but then you may as well have just rolled a sword and board warrior and had even better tanking, because fuck if you're going to be able to do anything worthwhile with your spells.

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

I confess that I like Leliana.

[Great Cartoonist]

If the previous Bioware games are anything to go by, magic is pretty much THE most powerful weapon you can ever use. I'm pretty sure Bioware damn well knew of this, but they chose to keep magic-users in the top tier just to show how powerful magic can be compared to years and years of hard work and rigorous training to improve your natural abilities beyond what your average mortal can hope to achieve. Monks get no love
Because screw balance, we want to nuke things and look GOOD while doing it.

[Krylo]

To be fair, realistically speaking, the power to summon fireballs and blizzards and shit with force of will is totally going to be more useful in most fights than the ability to swing a sword around.

[krogothwolf]

I fail to see the problem with having a bard sing songs while slaughtering elves.

[Toast]

EDIT: Arcane Warriors can't tank worth shit, you are crazy. They just don't die as fast as an actual mage (which makes them pretty awesome, admittedly). However, the low con and dex keeps them from being able to avoid hits and sets their hp too low to do any real tanking. UNLESS I GUESS you stat them up as a tank, but then you may as well have just rolled a sword and board warrior and had even better tanking, because fuck if you're going to be able to do anything worthwhile with your spells.

I never really had any problems tanking or even dpsing (not as well as a rogue, of course) as an arcane warrior, it was just boring as hell because you opened with a spell or two, turned on your sustained abilities, then just whacked them with your sword for two minutes because they didn't give the arcane warrior any activated weapon skills.

With my Rogue build, I have to get in close with two weapons, but I can barely take any damage before I'm dead.

The only times I ever had trouble keeping my rogue alive were when the game would stutter, even though I meet the specs, and I would go from half health to dead before it registered the potion I took five seconds ago.


Dragon Age is pretty standard whitewashed, prototypical Tolkienian fantasy, complete with unoriginal elements like elves and dwarves, and the only thing that elevated Dragon Age into the realm of the truly unique was the dialogue. But even then it was mostly just the concept of adding modern-sounding, charismatic 21st century elements to Tolkien, like having the writers of Arrested Development craft a narrative for Lord of the Rings. There are moments where it's quite clever, but it really never gripped me in the way I hoped it would.

Whereas Mass Effect just sucker-punches you with fucking awesome original, deep, delightful storytelling from the get-go, and never lets go.
I completely agree. I would recommend ME to anyone, I have yet to recommend Dragon Age to anyone.

[bluestarultor]

Just adding that on top of all else said, Dragon Age isn't even a very good-looking game, so it can't even ride on graphics. The facial animation is oddly limited, the motion is robotic, and with everyone covered in blood, it looks like the whole production consists of decaying zombies.

This isn't even a matter of not having a decent machine. We had the PS3 version. I'm pretty sure my brother traded it in.

[Krylo]

Is this where you say the animation is worse than Oblivion and in line with X-Box Original games again, and then everyone laughs at you?

[bluestarultor]

Is this where you say the animation is worse than Oblivion and in line with X-Box Original games again, and then everyone laughs at you?

No.


And in the last instance, I was being generous to Microsoft. I might end up working for them, you know. :P

[Grimpond]

No.


And in the last instance, I was being generous to Microsoft. I might end up working for them, you know. :P

YOu definitely have the personality for it.

[Kurosen]

take away all the high-end visuals.
Okay, I know this was in comparison to Baldur's Gate and is therefore accurate, but the day I think of Dragon "What do you mean we ought to make new animations, we've got all these animations from KOTOR 1 and 2 just piled up in the closet there and anyway they'll look great with these previous gen textures and models" Age as "high end" is the day I will eat a hat.

[EVILNess]

Okay, I know this was in comparison to Baldur's Gate and is therefore accurate, but the day I think of Dragon "What do you mean we ought to make new animations, we've got all these animations from KOTOR 1 and 2 just piled up in the closet there and anyway they'll look great with these previous gen textures and models" Age as "high end" is the day I will eat a hat.

Hypothetically, can it be a fluffy hat?

[bluestarultor]

Okay, I know this was in comparison to Baldur's Gate and is therefore accurate, but the day I think of Dragon "What do you mean we ought to make new animations, we've got all these animations from KOTOR 1 and 2 just piled up in the closet there and anyway they'll look great with these previous gen textures and models" Age as "high end" is the day I will eat a hat.

See, even Brian agrees the graphics are last-gen!

Maybe PS2 last-gen, but still not up to current-gen par.

[Azisien]

DAO on the console had pretty lacklustre visuals.

Amped up on the PC, on the other hand, is a bit better. Definitely current gen, but nothing astounding.

[bluestarultor]

DAO on the console had pretty lacklustre visuals.

Amped up on the PC, on the other hand, is a bit better. Definitely current gen, but nothing astounding.

That's just bassackwards considering the capabilities of current-gen consoles. If they already had the data, I can't think of a good reason not to use it where it would be most useful.

[Krylo]

Because some people have computers that can handle more than even current-gen consoles.

They were expensive computers, but it's not impossible.

[Fifthfiend]

I would hate to see dragon age on a console then because on my pc it looks pretty mediocre as fuck.

[McTahr]

Because some people have computers that can handle more than even current-gen consoles.

They were expensive computers, but it's not impossible.

Yeah. My computer ran DA:etc on capped settings with Netflix running on another monitor and twenty wiki tabs an alt-tab away. Consoles ain't got shit on a custom build. (All things considered, I could fish together these parts for no more than most people spend on console + game collections these days, too.)

Honestly, I found DA:O to be just ridiculously easy for the most part. I cranked it up to nightmare and forced myself to play a mage with zero offense spells and no support or healing spells and it was still pretty snooze-festy. Use any kind of hate generation (Miasma is good for groups of small weaklings) -> Force field on self -> Wait entire duration -> Mind blast -> run in circles -> Reassert hate if necessary -> Force field on self ad nauseum for pretty much 90% of the game. Damage is for shmucks.

[Azisien]

That's just bassackwards considering the capabilities of current-gen consoles. If they already had the data, I can't think of a good reason not to use it where it would be most useful.

Well I don't really know how to break it to you then!

How about this: Bioware made the PC version, another studio made the console version. And somehow failed. My assumption is they were too rushed with the release date/received the stuff to port to console/were too noobish to do a proper job by the deadline, and ended up releasing with shabby graphics on the consoles.

[bluestarultor]

Well I don't really know how to break it to you then!

How about this: Bioware made the PC version, another studio made the console version. And somehow failed. My assumption is they were too rushed with the release date/received the stuff to port to console/were too noobish to do a proper job by the deadline, and ended up releasing with shabby graphics on the consoles.

I'll come right out and say I wasn't aware of that. :sweatdrop

[Mannix]

Man that last DLC was terrible. Save your money if you haven't wasted it yet.

[Marc v4.0]

Man that last DLC was terrible. Save your money if you haven't wasted it yet.

Dammit

[Liquid Snake]

Man that last DLC was terrible. Save your money if you haven't wasted it yet.

That last ME2 DLC was so incredibly awesome, though, that it permanently makes up for any crappy DA DLC that's released.

(...I stayed loyal to Liara with my Femshep and Jennifer Hale's voice acting with Liara's VA alone was well worth the price of admission.)

[Marc v4.0]

That last ME2 DLC was so incredibly awesome, though, that it permanently makes up for any crappy DA DLC that's released.

(...I stayed loyal to Liara with my Femshep and Jennifer Hale's voice acting with Liara's VA alone was well worth the price of admission.)

All the ME2 DLC has been top-quality, they are really getting all they can out of the VAs and creative designers, and this is mind-boggling when you compare the horse shit DLC they have churned out for Dragon Age.

[Kurosen]

I would hate to see dragon age on a console then because on my pc it looks pretty mediocre as fuck.
On the 360 it's barely a step above KOTOR2 / Jade Empire and that improvement is probably all due to the HD television. It's easily the ugliest game I've seen on a console. EDF 2017, essentially an unembellished 2006 port of a budget PS2 title, has better textures.

[Fifthfiend]

You would think they would do a better job on the Dragon Age DLC given the extent to which this game goes out of it's way to scream at you every three seconds HEY THERE FELLOW YOU LOOK LIKE YOU LIKE CONTENT, I BET WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO IS PAY US SOME MONEY, SO YOU CAN DOWNLOAD SOME CONTENT.

Maybe they figured well people who like Dragon Age clearly like incredibly fucking mediocre games, so we will tailor our additional content to match the experience that these people clearly expect from their games.

[McTahr]

Maybe they figured well people who like Dragon Age clearly like incredibly fucking mediocre games, so we will tailor our additional content to match the experience that these people clearly expect from their games.

Or, more likely, they realized that their demographic audience is willing to pay $50 for a cleveland steamer and $40 (whatever awakening costs) for a follow-up golden shower, and just figured they'd hire monkeys for coders and writers and cash in on an actual shower of gold.

[Fifthfiend]

If by more likely, you mean "pretty much what I said", then yes.

[walkertexasdruid]

I actually liked the game for the most part. I got the PC version. My only complaint, and maybe i did not level up my party members properly, was that for the big important battles my main character would be the only one who survives. I had a fricking tank of a warrior who wielded a sword taller than he was, and despite the fact that I would give my party the equipment I had just been wearing that made me practically invinsible, the others would die at an alarming rate. I even had Wynne constantly healing us, and Morrigan obliterating everything, and Alistair being the useless meat shield that he is. When it came down to it, though, against the Arch Demon, with an army of forty dwarves and my well-equipped and high-level party, I was by myself by the time it was halfway dead. Just me, it, some fodder that would generate, and 100 health poltices. Luckily, I was so powerful that its attacks barely scratched me, and I was able to whittle down to death, but that would have been easier if my party did not have the survival instinct of red-shirt ensigns! The same kind of thing happened at the end of Awakening. The other complaint I have is how short Awakening is, I am glad we did not pay the original asking price of $40, and we paid $20 instead.