Nique Reviews Janurary 2011 Television Progrums

[Nique]

It has occurred to me that, like much of our generation, I know WAY too much about television. Of course, having worked in the industry doesn't hurt (and when I say 'worked in the industry', I mean 'cashier at Blockbuster'). In any case, after a while I've started to become something of an armchair-tv critic. So pop in a microwave dinner, sit yourself down 3 inches away from the screen and enjoy my review of up-and-coming network and cable television coming your way next year!

Shameless (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shameless_(U.S._TV_series))
Showtime, January 9th
Did you enjoy fun shows about dysfunctional family life like Malcolm in the Middle, or Raising Hope but always wished that it was more depressing? Or that there were even MORE obnoxious children, or that the Dad was dumber/ drunker/ more useless? Well, I guess this is the show for you then. This probably-depressingly-true-to-life American remake of the BBC's long running Shameless aims to make you laugh at a bunch of neglected children picking up the scraps of their father's addiction-riddled life. Truly in this show will beat the heart of American comedy, which is of course laughing at caricatures of the poor.


Episodes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Episodes_(TV_series))
Showtime, January 9th
Actor Matt LeBlanc stars in this tv show about actor Matt LeBlanc in a tv show about... uh. Hm. I'm not sure how many iterations this show contains so we'll stop there. But I mean, hey ok way to be clever! Just don't strain yourself Hollywood - it's not everyday we get to see a tv show about a tv show (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/30_Rock), especially not one starring former Friends cast members! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Studio_60_on_the_Sunset_Strip)


Lights Out
FX, January 11th
Boxing blah blah blah fighting blah blah blah drama blah blah blah. Hey, here's an idea. Instead of watching a tv-drama about boxing, why don't I just watch an HBO Boxing match? Is it even possible for a show to miss the point that much? But I mean, I guess I can understand FX's commitment to airing shows that no one watches or cares about. Not even wikipedia. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lights_Out_(2011_TV_series))


Bob's Burgers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob%27s_Burgers)
FOX, January 9th
Fox's latest Simpson's knockoff is coming straight at you on Fox's Sunday Night Animation Holocaust. The sad thing is that even if, by some outrageous mIrAcLe, this show is actually good, Fox will still cancel it.

But seriously this show is sure to join the pantheon of terrible animated shows that were given horrible life and a painful humiliating death by the Fox network.


Being Human (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Being_Human_(2011_TV_series))
SciFi SyFy, January 17th
I guess it makes sense that SyFy would slowly evolve into the crappy American version of BBC America, but the minute they cash in on an American version of Doctor Who, I am going to kill myself. I am going to literally turn into a ghost and haunt anyone and everyone associated with the SyFy network.


Fairly Legal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fairly_Legal)
USA, January 20th
There's just a ton of faux pas happening here. For one, you can't just completely lift a character for a TV show like this. The 'single female lawyer' character isn’t exactly a classic trope to base your totally original (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ally_Mcbeal) idea on. Also, isn't there something kind of ironic about a legal drama that is literally stealing the entire concept of another legal drama? Lead actress Sarah Shahi tells us that her character is "unconventional", "cheeky" and "flirty" and that this won't be your 'normal' legal drama. No shit it's not a 'normal' show! It is instead, apparently, a huge metaphor for copyright infringement! Either that or it's a pretty elaborate nod to Futurama (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/When_Aliens_Attack).

Single Female Lawyer!


Spartacus: Gods of the Arena (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spartacus:_Gods_of_the_Arena)
Starz, January 21st
I was going to talk about how maybe this show ignores the homoeroticism of the era (among other things). But with so many men walking around with waxed nipples I guess there's not much more to say.


The Cape (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cape_(2011_TV_series))
NBC, January 9th
Not to be confused with the 1996 series about Astronauts (actually kind of an interesting idea), The Cape looks to give us a lame Batman-Clone. Can NBC jump the shark for an entire genre? Find out, this January on NBC!

Source: Channel Guide Magazine

[Lumenskir]

This thread is literally the worst idea in the world and you should feel bad.

[walkertexasdruid]

Hey you forgot about:

V: January 4, 2011, ABC
Will the Visitors lay down the smack, and conquer Earth's sorry ass? Find out next time on the next V!

[Nique]

This thread is literally the worst idea in the world and you should feel bad.


The people need to know!

That is, they need to know how sarcastic I am about television.

EDIT: Just for clarity, is it the worst idea because these are all terrible tv shows and you dont want to know about them, or becuase I am kill the very concept of humor with these my ill-concieved rants?

Will the Visitors lay down the smack, and conquer Earth's sorry ass? Find out next time on the next V!


Man shouldn't they have done that like, the first episode? Wasn't that the point of the show? I'm sick of all this Lost-esque beating-around-the-bush.

[Magus]

Why would Spartacus Gods of the Arena not be homoerotic, the first season had a subplot of the gay gladiator falling in love with the gay slave servant guy but then having to choose between spending the money he won on paying for his own freedom or staying behind with the slave because he didn't have enough for both. he chooses to leave and the slave is raped by this other gladiator guy and commits suicide It was really sad and really homoerotic at the same time.

I will probably watch The Cape, but seeing as how it's like "circus performer gets magic cape to fight bad guys with" I have the feeling it is either already attempting to be somewhat satirical, in which case it might be alright, or else it's totally serious and will be such a horrible trainwreck that it will have to be funny for at least one episode.

[Sky Warrior Bob]

I suppose if you don't count the opener movie, Young Justice will be starting in January.

SWB

[Krylo]

EDIT: Just for clarity, is it the worst idea because these are all terrible tv shows and you dont want to know about them, or becuase I am kill the very concept of humor with these my ill-concieved rants?

It's because Lumen is second only to Smarty in terrible taste (Seil is third), and thinks all of these shows are actually fantastic.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

You're just sad that you secretely love Twilight but are afraid to admit it.

[Krylo]

You're just sad that you secretely love Twilight but are afraid to admit it.

I used to, but then she chose Edward.

[Nique]

I suppose if you don't count the opener movie, Young Justice will be starting in January.


This was probably the best idea for a new cartoon I've seen in the last year, but the worst executed. In addition to totally ruining Superboy's backstory and also (once again) turning Superman into a huge dickhead, they can't even get Aqualad right in this one.

I mean, how do you go from awkward vaguely anti-semetic depiction of a pre-pubescent fish mutant ...

http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/9389/al1.png (http://img214.imageshack.us/i/al1.png/)
His name is Garth

...to this urbanized mer-man version of Dennis Rodman

http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/3703/al2a.png (http://img193.imageshack.us/i/al2a.png/)
Not even joking, his name is Jackson

Now, I'm not complaining that they wanted to make 'Young Justice' 'ethnically diverse' but that just straight up isn't Aqualad. They couldn't just throw in Static Shock or someone who was actually concieved as a Black Superhero? 'No, no, let's pick the least significant sidekick and make him mexican or something.'

Why would Spartacus Gods of the Arena not be homoerotic, the first season had a subplot of the gay gladiator falling in love with the gay slave servant guy but then having

Yeah like I had this idea that the show was really geared towards straight-male viewers and stuff becuase basically any guy I talked to who ever liked the show was like 'this show has like just the right amount of tits and violence its great' but then I realized that enjoying a show about bare chested men wrestling and RESPECTING EACH OTHER LIKE BROS was pretty clearly not just your average boobs and bloodlust show. The show is still trash though, either way.

[Sky Warrior Bob]

Actually, the new Aqualad (http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Jackson_Hyde_%28New_Earth%29) is a creation of DC, and was intro'd in Brightest Day. (I guess... I mean, I don't actually really read comics.)

I believe Garth will make an appearance in the show (his existence was mentioned at last year's SDCC), but much like Speedy, won't be part of the team. (The Arrow carrier role will instead be going to Artemis (http://i.cartoonnetwork.com/v5cache/CARTOON/site/Flash/i12/yj_showinfo_497x378_artemis.swf), Green Arrow's niece.)

From this released clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxBU9F16CjQ&feature=player_embedded), it looks like Speedy/Red Arrow, will be around, but a bit of a loner.

Sure, this show isn't slavish to the comics, but that's reason for the whole Earth-16 excuse. It isn't the same universe as the comics, so the writers are free to do whatever they please. That by no means makes it a bad show, just not a continuation of Justice League: Unlimited (if that was what you were hoping for).

SWB

(If you're interested in more character bios, you might go here (http://www.comicvine.com/forums/young-justice/968/young-justice-characters-bios-artemis-spoliers-and-more/589896/).)

[Nique]

...Green Arrow's niece...

FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU.jpg

Actually I did learn that the new Aqualad was intro'd (yes I'm stealing that actually) in Brightest Day. What is totally hilarious is that his father is Aquaman's nemesis, Black Manta. And just in case you thought the name was a coincidence

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/7438/blackmantaunmasked.png (http://img151.imageshack.us/i/blackmantaunmasked.png/)

Hey also will someone please explain to me how Superman and Martian Manhunter both have nieces or little sisters or whatever? Like seriously what are the odds that two men from dead worlds would BOTH stumble upon a distant relative?

EDIT: Ok so no I'm not against them taking their own spin around the DCU per se... Bruce Timm's/ Paul Dini's productions weren't 100% accurate either. But even though I overall enjoyed it, the opener wasn't especially brilliant and just had me kind of bored right from the start (boo hoo hoo, the justice league won't let us into their moon base. i thought they trusted us! et al, more pouting, etc etc...). I can see these characters actually getting a little better in an episodic format though. However, bringing in the new Aqualad 'Jackson Hyde' is another fairly transparent attempt at making a show ethnically diverse. Which I guess I'm fine with if it's meaningful - Jon Stewart as a Green Latern actually worked for me although his original comic book story was basically the same thing where it was all about Hal Jordan learning how not to say things like 'you people'

But also I just think the Aqualad role is extremely 3rd tier in a way that none of the other characters even approach, and I kind of liked the idea of DC just accepting that they created a terrible character in the original Aqualad and sticking with it.

[Premmy]

Ignoring all THAT,

I hope "The Cape" is powerful itself as opposed to it giving him un-cape related powers.

If the cape can turn into wings and be used as a shield and as a bag of holding and such, cool, if the cape gives him super-strength for some dumb-ass reason, bleh.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Ignoring all THAT,

I hope "The Cape" is powerful itself as opposed to it giving him un-cape related powers.

IF the cape can turn into wings and be used as a shield and a s a bag of holding and such, cool, if the cape gives him super-strength for some dumb-ass reason, bleh.

This might disappoint you but from what I've seen and heard, its just a cape. Just a cape that some random dude has "mastered."

[Premmy]

well that sucks.

[Magus]

Well at one point he used the cape as like a tentacle to grab a weapon out of a guy's hand. I thought it was magical though, like it would move and block bullets. This "mastering the art of the cape" is kind of stupid.

At least this show isn't like "superheroes...IN THE REAL WORLD!!!" like Heroes, though, it's very much "superhero in superhero world and there are like 1000 super villains" or what have you.

[Nique]

"superheroes...IN THE REAL WORLD!!!"

In case anyone hasn't seen this, it is basically what I think of every time someone uses this sort of phrase to sell what is otherwise a normal superhero concept - 0:55 for the relevant part. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fg_cwI1Xj4M)

[Ravashak]

I have very little TV exposure to any DC hero besides Batman and a little Superman, so this might seem ignorant xP

Which I guess I'm fine with if it's meaningful - Jon Stewart as a Green Latern actually worked for me although his original comic book story was basically the same thing where it was all about Hal Jordan learning how not to say things like 'you people'

By day he is a superhero, by night, he's the host of the Daily Show.

[Fifthfiend]

This was probably the best idea for a new cartoon I've seen in the last year, but the worst executed. In addition to totally ruining Superboy's backstory and also (once again) turning Superman into a huge dickhead

Daps, buddy.

Daps.

EDIT: I'm not so much bothered about Aqualad cause like... fuck Aqualad.

[Premmy]

In case anyone hasn't seen this, it is basically what I think of every time someone uses this sort of phrase to sell what is otherwise a normal superhero concept - 0:55 for the relevant part. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fg_cwI1Xj4M)

Whenever I hear someone say it I hear " I secretly like them so I'm going to pretend my idea is something else"

[Fifthfiend]

Actually I take back my earlier comment about Aqualad since that kind of thing would actually be legitimately awesome if they did it with like, Robin. Or Superboy!

[Nique]

By day he is a superhero, by night, he's the host of the Daily Show.


Actually, are there any jewish superheros?

[Fifthfiend]

http://i606.photobucket.com/albums/tt148/fifthfiend/stan-lee-asgard.jpg

[Premmy]

You gotta admit though, out of all the "Changed my name to seem less Ethnic" options out there "Stan Leiber" to "Stan Lee" is a pretty good deal.

[Nique]

That picture is really fantastic.

[Flarecobra]

Being Human (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Being_Human_(2011_TV_series))
SciFi SyFy, January 17th
I guess it makes sense that SyFy would slowly evolve into the crappy American version of BBC America, but the minute they cash in on an American version of Doctor Who, I am going to kill myself. I am going to literally turn into a ghost and haunt anyone and everyone associated with the SyFy network.



Well, seeing as America has something to do with the new series of Doctor Who.... We might be well on our way.

[Magus]

Actually, are there any jewish superheros?

Only if the Hebrew Hammer counts, I guess.

And it doesn't because that movie was horrible.

[Fifthfiend]

Wikipedia answers!

The God of Cartoons By; Paul Palnik Creative Light Press.[145]
Iceman (Bobby Drake, Marvel Comics) - half-Jewish.[146]
Justice (Vance Astrovik, formerly Marvel Boy of the New Warriors) (Marvel Comics).[147]
Legion (son of Charles Xavier and Gabrielle Haller, a Jewish Holocaust survivor)[148]
Magneto (Marvel Comics) - born Max Eisenhardt, a Jewish boy in Germany during the Nazi era, Magneto is a survivor of Auschwitz, but turned his back on his human ethnicity and religion and has for years only identified himself as a mutant. However, his experiences with anti-Semitism during the Holocaust in Europe were and are a major influence on his quest to fight against anti-mutant oppression.[149][150][151]
Masada (Team Youngblood).[152]
Moon Knight (Marc Spector, Marvel Comics) Moon Knight (1st series) #37 May 1984 Marvel Comics.[153]
Prime (Kevin Green, Malibu Comics).[154]
Nyssa Raatko (DC Comics) -- Jewish mother, non-practicing.[143]
Sabra (Ruth Bat-Seraph, Marvel Comics).[155]
Doc Samson (Dr. Leonard Samson, Marvel Comics).[156]
Sandman (Golden Age DC Comics) - half-Jewish.[157]
Scarlet Witch -- Wanda Maximoff—self-identifies with the Roma people, raised by Roma, her mother Magda was Roma, and an Auschwitz survivor, but her father Magneto was born Jewish.[158]
Shadowcat (Kitty Pryde) of the X-Men (Marvel Comics).[159]
Shaloman[160][161][162]
The Thing (Benjamin J. Grimm, Marvel Comics) A former non-practicing Jew who recently (and belatedly) had his Bar Mitzvah[163][164][165]
Volcana (Marsha Rosenberg, Marvel Comics).[166]
Gertrude Yorkes of the Runaways (Marvel Comics) - Jewish family, currently agnostic.[167]

[Premmy]

That's all marvel, what about DC?

[Krylo]

It's a little known fact that all Kryptonians are Jewish.

[Premmy]

So was Zod or Brainiac space-Hitler?

[Magus]

Oh yeah I forgot about Magneto, he's pretty famously Jewish. It's something like the whole thematic basis for his character that he's a holocaust survivor. He's a supervillain, though.

[russianreversal]

Bob's Burgers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob%27s_Burgers)
FOX, January 9th
Fox's latest Simpson's knockoff is coming straight at you on Fox's Sunday Night Animation Holocaust. The sad thing is that even if, by some outrageous mIrAcLe, this show is actually good, Fox will still cancel it.

But seriously this show is sure to join the pantheon of terrible animated shows that were given horrible life and a painful humiliating death by the Fox network.
I have hope for anything starring H. Jon Benjamin.

[Magus]

Bob's Burgers was actually pretty funny, in an actually genuine way driven by situation comedy, plot, and characterization as opposed to one-off pop culture jokes out of nowhere such as occurs in Family Guy.

As such it will undoubtedly be canceled. There was not a single reference to Rush Limbaugh or Paris Hilton in the entire thing! Not even President Obama!

As for The Cape, it might have been...decent if it wasn't utterly ridiculous (between the circus freaks teaching the main character to use his spider-silk cape and the villain whose pupils look like chess pieces when he's using his chess power (his name is Chess btw)) and had the attention span of a gnat when it came to its plot lines. It covered an entire season of plot in the first episode, for example. I understand the need to establish the character's origins and "power" but holy crap this was pretty crazy.

However, I still give it props for not going the way of "superheroes...in the real world!" thing, as I mentioned, which it most definitely did not do. What it failed to do was put forth any reason to watch it in lieu of, oh, Smallville reruns, really. It's about the same level of "quality".

[Premmy]

I need a reason not to watch Smallville?

[walkertexasdruid]

I started watching Damages last week on Directv's channel 101. It is pretty interesting. It is kind of like The Devil's Advocate the dramatic series, with Glenn Close playing the female version of Al Paccino's character.

[Nique]

I am here, 11 years later to reprimand myself for prejudging both Bob's Burgers and Young Justice - easily two of my actual favorite shows over the last decade.

Forgive me! I was young, foolish - I knew not what what I did!

[Gregness]

Have you watched Centaurworld yet? It's on Netflix and isn't the... well, I almost want to say words like 'random' and 'flawed' but that's only on like a pure "Here's the plot A to Z" sense, which really does a disservice to what the show has to offer. The closest thing to elevator pitch for it is something like 'what if a warhorse from a serious YA action-adventure show got teleported into a wacky candy-colored cartooney cartoon and was also a musical'. I won't promise it's the best thing you've watched, but the show weaponizes tonal dissonance and I will promise that it's a goddamn trip.

[Nique]

Have you watched Centaurworld yet? It's on Netflix and isn't the... well, I almost want to say words like 'random' and 'flawed' but that's only on like a pure "Here's the plot A to Z" sense, which really does a disservice to what the show has to offer. The closest thing to elevator pitch for it is something like 'what if a warhorse from a serious YA action-adventure show got teleported into a wacky candy-colored cartooney cartoon and was also a musical'. I won't promise it's the best thing you've watched, but the show weaponizes tonal dissonance and I will promise that it's a goddamn trip.

I haven't been the same since Adventure Time ended. This sounds perfect

[Intern Nin]

I am here, 11 years later to reprimand myself for prejudging both Bob's Burgers and Young Justice - easily two of my actual favorite shows over the last decade.

Forgive me! I was young, foolish - I knew not what what I did!

If kickstarter weren't dipping its toes in the pool of cryptofuckery, I'd crowdfund a time machine project to go back and verbally destroy all of our younger selves.

So Peacemaker might be the best anime ever, go watch it. Also, hi after 10 years? Did I post anything in that time? I should check.

[Token]

The funniest part of this entire thread is the fact that anyone was shitting on Kaldur.

[Nique]

The funniest part of this entire thread is the fact that anyone was shitting on Kaldur.

My embarrassment is palpable, and lingers a decade+ later.