Trollslum Act 2: Under siege by planet Jupiter [Archive]

Intern Nin

01-02-2011, 07:36 PM

> Find someone who's lusus is still alive!

No dice.

>Timer: Have numbers again.

You are now the timer roughly eleven minutes before you run out of any numbers that aren't zero.

> Good, now be the Seadog.

You are now Tennessee Dinner Jacket, the lovable stuffed splashhound who may or may not have been the lusus to some rooftop hopping weirdo when he was alive. You can't actually do anything except lie on the floor with the AMPHIBIOUS IDOL OF CATACLYSM stuck in your mouth, what with being dead and all.

> Be the Adventurer then.

You are now a hornless alien youth with neatly combed hair, garbed in a white collared shirt, tan slacks, and black suspenders. You are on a distant world in a universe that does not yet exist from the perspective of the troll kids. More specifically, you are standing in the kitchen of your house in the wee hours of the morning. It is absolutely filthy in here, just like the rest of the house. It's always like this on the maid's week off. You really need to get a maid to fill for the other one while she's on vacation.

If only your guardian would show just little bit of decorum. It's impossible to deal with that slobbish dame sometimes. How can she keep her business and all that merchandise neat and orderly and not be able to do the same for her own living space? You get the feeling though that this slob act is just that, an act and nothing more. She's doing it to be cute or something you guess.

You're a little peckish so, against your better judgement, you take peek inside the fridge. Oh what a surprise, you find that it is filled with nothing but dried seaweed, fermented beans, jelly candy, and melon-flavored soda. Flipping Japan-ophile. What's a fella got to do to get a normal steak dinner 'round here? Hey, what's that at the bottom? Is that...

Oh good gracious, she did it. After so many threats of doing it, she finally did it. You probably should seen this coming. What reason would she have to buy a bucket? She has a maid. And all that jello pudding... Cripes, would you look at this thing? Is she really going to eat it all? Eh, whatever. You'll just take it with you, on the off chance you'll need a bargaining chip.

Later on today, you will meet up with your friend. And all the trolls will watch in horror as you share the contents of the bucket with-

> OH GOD THIS IS SO DEPRAVED! CAN I JUST BE CAOWAY?

You are now Caoway, the adventurous seadog/terrible author. You are slumped over a stump with one of your fishing hooks stuck in it. You slowly push off of it and puke out some sea water. Or it could be blood. Kind of hard to tell in this light.

> Caoway: Survey damage.

Once the world stops spinning and comes back into focus, you cast your gaze towards the hive. You've been washed a small distance down the cape, but you can see from here that the hive is still standing at the very least. That was close though, if this stump hadn't caught you you might've been thrown over the...

You realize that you don't see Beechie anywhere.

> Caoway: Look over the edge of the cape.

Earlier you looked over the side and saw some sharp rocks below. And that's all you're going to see when look. You'll see those stupid rocks, sigh in relief and then go find Beechie so you both... can...

Your lusus lays limp at the bottom, with a sharp rock running through his chest and out his back. Dark sea green blood trickles down the rock and mixes into the pools of sea water that have accumulated there.

You continue to stare down for a while, paying no mind to the increase of meteors in the sky nor the trolling of your friend. You do nothing but stare at Beechie's body.

> Caoway: Snap out of it.

You try...

No, you don't even try. Beechie is dead. All you can think about is that he's gone. It's all your fault too. He rushed out of the hive because he was scared, because he was looking for you. If you had cut up that lordwhale earlier, you could have stayed in the hive and calmed him down. You could've have stopped him.

> Caoway: These things happen. There was nothing you could have done.

No, there was. You knew this would happen. You knew when you contacted yourself. You knew and you did nothing to stop it.

It's too much to handle. You fall to your knees next to the stump. Your arm moves on its own, scraping away at some wet soil. You don't notice. You're too busy thinking about how you'll eventually let Beechie die. You're too wrapped up to notice your own hand pluck some metal object out the earth and then press against your head.

You let this happen. After all the horrible things that happened to your lusus because of you, you finish it with letting him die. You could've tried to stop it. It probably wouldn't have worked, but you could've at least tried! Instead, you prattled on about a stupid game and getting you in and the stupid snippets of fucking future wisdom.

You as good as summoned the wave that threw him off this cliff.

> Caoway: Remember.

You remember all the things you told yourself. Were just lying to yourself to save your own life, even though your lusus would die? That doesn't sound like you. Were you telling the truth when you said that your friends would need you? Or were you just saying what you needed to hear at the time?

You remember the last thing you said to yourself before you apologized for the bad day and logged off.

"Things will get better."

> Caoway: Believe.

Your clutch loosens and the metal object falls out of your hand and hits the wet ground.

You don't have much of a choice now. No lusus, no future on this planet. What choice do you have but believe in yourself?

Gog, that sounds stupid.

> Caoway: Get up.

You do just that. You got a game to play.

But...

You're not leaving Beechie behind. It's low tide and easy access to anything in your sylladex. A tin can is retrieved and crushed in your trollian clutch. It's alien vegetable contents fly upward and then arc back into your open mouth. You feel like you could move mountains.

You arm yourself with trusty pole-and-line and perform a perfect cast over the edge, wrapping the line around your fallen lusus. You firmly plant yourself behind the stump and begin reeling it up.

The corpse slides off the rock like some kind of morbid shish-kebab and rapidly ascends to the top of the cape.

> Caoway: Grab lusus' corpse and go do what you have to do.

You heft him on to your back. The weight should've crushed you, but the effects of the vegetation make the body feel a light as a bag of cotton candy.

Caoway: ...Come on, matey.
Caoway: Let'S\ G\o home.

You head back to your hive. The damage the wave did to the hive becomes more apparent as you draw closer. And, for the first time that night, you glance skyward. You see that the stormsclouds have cleared, something you failed to notice earlier.

For the first time, you see all the falling lights. One light in particular seems very bright. And seems to be growing bigger. You pick up the pace and hope that Leraje has already connected.

00:08:39

Menarker

01-04-2011, 05:05 PM

> Install SGRUB

Sharl jumpstarts the INSTALLATION FILE sent to him prior. It is now installing in the background. Your hivetop works pretty well, so it is progressing nicely if you say so yourself.

Oh? Your Trollian window is flashing.

> Check for new messages.

-omnipotentOmnivore[OO] began trolling butketHed -
OO: sharl?
OO: um... are you there?
OO: i wash wondering if you had any shpare ovensh lying around in the warehive
OO: that i could buy.
OO: my current one ish kind of.... not good.
BH: Ovens, Ovens... it's a rather large item that isn't a mass-selling product. >_<
BH: Ok! I think I found something! It has some signs of use, but it's a sturdy item that is easy to install. It is pretty big... which may or may not be a good thing depending on whether you value space in your kitchen or you want to make multiple items at the same time.
BH: This one has heat powerful enough to cook food made in stone bowls, giving it a very... special flavor. ^___^ One which I heard is full of nutrients, but I digress. ^.^
BH: But of course, if you could inform me of the particular flaws of your ovens, I could see if I could better accomadate you. (^__^)==d
BH: ^^ And rest assured, I can offer whatever ovens I have to you for a bargin! It's crazy! $_$
OO: itsh flawsh? well..
OO: i dunno... mine jusht sheemsh like it'sh about ready to explode or shomething from
OO: over-ushe. i figure that'sh probably a bad thing.
OO: i've been putting off buying a new one for a long time sho i could shave up enough
OO: money for a really good model, but i'm afraid mine ish going to die before
OO: i can shcrape up enough boonbucksh for the model i originally wanted.
OO: (it'sh hard to shave money when you conshtantly have to purchashe more exotic
OO: shpicesh and ingredientsh from the other shide of the globe.)
OO: and i really don't have time to be chashing baby magma shpidersh all over the place
OO: if the oven breaksh and they eshcape.
OO: oh, and the explosion part would probably be bad for the kitchen-block, too. ]:-\
OO: sho the one you have would probably work. i'm getting kind of deshperate.
BH: 0.o I'm sorry, I'm just dumbfounded that your oven was dangerously prone to explosions!
BH: Quite a worrisome thing naturally. >_<
BH: But let's talk business.
BH: I'll provide the oven naturally. =P And since it is a REALLY large product, I'll have to see if I get Iropha to deliver it to you. Otherwise, I'll handle it personally. ^.~
BH: So, basically, there is the actual cost of the oven and the shipping fee.
BH: >_> Do you have any particular considerations I should consider before we start... negotiations?
OO: conshiderationsh?
OO: ....
OO: ....
OO: if you come over to my hive to deliver thish oven,
OO: p-l-e-a-sh-e don't come while wearing that...
OO: ....thing
OO: on your head.
OO: it'sh obshene. ]:-(
OO: what would my neighborsh think?
OO: (well, if i --had-- neighborsh, anywaysh.)

Sharl clasp his prized helmet with both hands and push down as if making it even more snug than ever! No way is he parting with this wonderful object!

> Do quick inventory check of Warehive!

Sharl stands proudly from his lofty 2nd floor walkway with his hands clenched at his hips, mentally reviewing all the items roughly organized on the floor and on top of wooden pallets and steel shelves! The items you have promised to deliver are nicely set near one of the wide pulley doors. But there is one section near the center of the warehive that would make a jaded troll of 30 cycles weep!

> Admire your PRISTINE PYRAMID OF PLACEBO TIGERSNAKE OIL!

IT IS MAJESTIC!
IT IS TALL!
IT IS GOING TO MAKE SHARL A TON OF BOONBUCKS!!!

Stacked with the most precise of care, each glass bottles of light brown liquid the size of a TAB DRINK CAN tower above almost reaching the second floor! It took several hours of painstaking precision... but it is now complete! Soon, you'll enter the market with this wonderous good! Cures all ills! Attract the opposite gender! And repels tigers! AND SNAKES! ^_^ It is made out of minced tiger snake, crushed asprin and bone-bulge excrement!

[B]BANG

>WHAT THE HELL IS THAT NOISE?

Peering from the walkway above, one can see a white apeish lusus tinted gray standing on the floor.

UGGH GUUUUUHHHUUGH EH GITTTT! UGH UGH UGH! DREK DREK UUUUU UoooGAHH UoooGAHHH!

It motions with vigorous and agressive gestures, especially pointing to its own greedy hands!

"Oh, come ON! Not now Ayres! I don't have the goods on me right now! I got several deliveries to deal with! I'll give you your rent when I get it from them!"

It is unclear if it understood you. But one thing is clear. Sharl's face was absolutely livid as the lusus starts repossessing the nearest warehive goods it decided to confisicate!

"STOP THAT! I GOT A CLIENT POTENTIALLY INTERESTED IN THAT!"

It paid no mind as it suddenly decided to take one bottle of your TIGERSNAKE OIL, possibly reasoning you wouldn't miss one.

> :ohdear: OH JEGUS! SAVE YOUR -!

It was a disaster beyond any reckoning. Displaying the mental intellect of a mere grub, the lusus yanked out the bottom most corner of the entire pyramid before the troll could respond. Lacking one of the cruical keystones, the entire mountainous structure of FRAGILE GLASS BOTTLES cascaded onto the ape like a thunderous avalanche, shattering in a rain of broken glass and pee against each other and its large body!

Within seconds, the floor was practically soaking in piss which was fortunately draining away in the DRAINAGE GRATES located strategically for the express purpose for the bi-cycle warehive cleaning sweep! But the damage is done. Hundreds of bottles lay shattered on the floor, with only a few dozens on the opposite corners left unscathed.

> THROW DOWN YOUR HAT IN DISGUST!

It's a BUCKET!

However, Sharl obliges as he wrenches the headwear and slams it against the metal walkway with a thunderous boom. Then he picks it up again by the handle, carrying it with him as his eyes are wide open with shock and trembling hands.

> Mourn

"WRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY!!!!!????

What did I ever do to deserve this fate! ALL THAT EFFORT AND MATERIALS! GONE IN INSTANT! THIS IS GOING TO TAKE FOREVER TO CLEAN UP!"

> I meant mourn your lusus.

Lusus?

"OHHHHHHHH! YES!
HE!
IS!
GONE!!!!
HUZZZZZAH! NO MORE PAYING STUUUPID RANDOMLY TIMED RENT! I'M FREEEEEEEEE"

> ...Nevermind. Guess you should clean up this mess.

WITH GUSTO!

Sharl rush toward the warehive crane with a hop in his step as the pincers are lowered and clench powerfully against the soaked and glass riddled ape and pulled the limp mass up in the air, as the device smoothly sails toward the dumpster...

CRA-BOOMM-UHUHUHUHDDERRRRRR

> What the hell was that!?

The warehive shudders and rocks hard from the tremors of an unknown force! The crane dropped the stupid ape as it slipped from its grip onto a conveyer belt.

:ohdear:

Sharl could do nothing but watch as its body got carried toward a small opening with a mess of operating gears which got jammed with the foreign object. Pipes starts whistling, one or two even bursting, spewing out hot geysers of steam.

"HOLY SHIT! WHAT A MESS THAT RETARD MAKES EVEN AFTER DEATH!!!"

Sharl rushed to his power breaker and pulled down the switch, shutting down the power for the main warehive until later... hopefully.

Gawd... need a break.

> Check on your game!

Might as well. Sharl's expression was a complex twist of emotions and a flenched fist. He smiled ever so faintly when he saw the game had finished installing.

> Someone is contacting you! Check it out!

-antipathicHopper [AH] began trolling butketHed [BH]-
AH: Hey, y[]u have a|_|_ s[]rts []f weird shit.
AH: Any [han[e y[]u'd have r[][ket sh[]es?
AH: []r a r[][ket |_aun[her?
AH: Rea|_|_y, anything inv[]|_ving r[][kets?
BH: Ah, good evening. :cool: I have not seen any rocket shoes, but I just might have something involving rockets! Just give me a moment to check.
BH: My warehive has been having some crazy shit happening! >_<
BH: Good and bad. :sweatdrop
AH: []h? |_ike what?
BH: My lusus just died. Huzzah! No more paying rent! :dance:
BH: But he destoyed almost my entire supply of special medicine in doing so. :argh:
AH: Ah. S[]rry ab[]ut the ^^eds. And y[]ur |_usus, I guess?
AH: A |_[]t []f the^^ have been dying t[]day. {8/
BH: 0.o Really? I haven't heard anything like that. Any patterns to them?
AH: I have a the[]ry, but first I have t[] ask y[]u a questi[]n...
AH: Has [a[]way ta|_ked t[] y[]u ab[]ut a ga^^e?
BH: He has. He kindly invited me to play this... Sgrub game... Oh, according to my hivetop, it just finished installing... just a few minutes ago... You think that's the connection?
AH: Yeah. S[] far, it's []n|_y pe[]p|_e wh[] agreed t[] p|_ay. Y[]u, Reztek, ^^e...
AH: It's pr[]bab|_y n[]t a [[]in[idence...
BH: ... :crossarms:I should pay a bit more attention to what happens with the game then... I have been a little laidback and carefree about it.
AH: G[][]d t[[] hear, [[]nsidering the ga^^e is g[]ing t[] DESTR[]Y THE FU[KING P|_ANET.
BH: :eek: FUCK! MY MERCHANDISE!
BH: There is one thing I do not know though. I was told that everyone was to have a server player and a client player. I have a client, but no server, seeing as I'm at the end of this metaphorical chain...
AH: I was under the i^^pressi[]n that the first p|_ayer in w[]u|_d [[]nne[t t[] the last []ne.
AH: But, b|_unt|_y, the |_ast p|_ayer []n my tea^^ is A|_durin, and fu[k that.
BH: Ah. ^^; Where are you in your line-up?
AH: First []ne in, natura|_|_y. G|_[]ri[]us |_eader and a|_|_ that.
BH: There aren't any other teams, right? <_<
AH: I d[]n't think s[]. If there are, n[] []ne inf[]r^^ed ^^e.
BH: ^^ Then it seems that you are my server player. ^^
BH: (^___^)=Y A partnership! I'll offer you a discount on my goods in order to get us through the game!
AH: H^^... y[]u []r Derpah...
AH: Dea|_ fu[king a[[epted.
BH: Awesome. ^_^ Is there anything I should do at this point?
BH: Otherwise, I'll see if I can find you some rocket items for you. ^,^
AH: Just ^^ake sure t[] te|_|_ [a[]way ab[]ut this ^^etaph[]ri[a|_ rea[h-ar[]und.
BH: Not a problem. I'll get in contact with him ASAP.
AH: Fantasti[. Ni[e d[]ing business with y[]u.
BH: Indeed. Look forward to our next encounter. ^^ I wish you luck.
AH: Sa^^e. |_e^^^^e kn[]w []nce y[]u've g[]tten y[]ur p|_ayer in.
AH:|_ater.
-antipathicHopper [ah] ceased trolling butketHed [BH]-

"]
-butketHed [BH] began trolling Caoway [MC]-
BH: Hey Caoway. Installed Sgrub. My lusus died. :D Got filled in on some of the details by Tergum.
BH: Apparently the first player of each respective team is supposed to be the server player of the other team's last player. Hence Tergum is my server. :knowledge:
BH: He felt I should let you know, so you know that you are supposed to connect to the last person on his team... Damn, I forgot to ask who that was. Sorry about that. :sweatdrop
BH: Anyhow, getting myself in gear regarding the game! I gotta save my warehives and all my stuff!

> Be someone else

Geminex

01-05-2011, 07:12 PM

> Be someone else

You are now... someone else! You wonder who? It is dark, and your armored carapace clanks softly as you make your way towards a light shining ahead of you. Time to find out where you are. And who you are.

> Emerge
It appears that you are Kcir Yeltsa, the imperial drone!
You blink in the light of the moon as you emerge from the network of tunnels. It's been a while since you smelled the night air. A while indeed. Your journey through the tunnels was not a pleasant one. Dead end upon dead end, getting lost, backtracking. An maze, and an unsolvable one at that. Unsolvable because the only exit, as you are determining, leads back out of the mountain.

It was a lonely journey, through the tunnels and caves. No company, no sound. Just the dust, the rock, the mountain, the light of your torch... and the rage. Oh, the rage. Rage for being injured and defiend. Rage at being lead down here. Rage at being tricked into that maze of tunnels.
It is an intense rage. Powerful. Merciless. Barely controllable.
This rage could move mountains. You smile grimly at the throught, because you know you could. You are an imperial drone, albeit one in training. You do not rest. You do not sleep. You could tear this pile of rock down, given enough time. You've got the strength, you've certainly got the motivation. But you think... you think it might be more time-efficient to climb it instead.
You feel an intense jolt of affection for your SCALING SPIKES as you summon them from your Sylladex.

> Yeltsa: Ascend.
You begin to climb towards the object of your hatred. He will regret this.

Geminex

01-09-2011, 10:36 AM

> Be past Scalis
You regret that you are now PAST SCALIS

In a rare display of sociability, you recently invited a FRIEND to your LIBRARCHIVARY, so that he may admire the great accumulation of knowlege that is your hive. You are also determined to get him into reading things other than picture books, and this was a great opportunity to do so.

As such, you left him in READING HALL 3, warning him not to touch anything, and dashed off to find the longest and most incomprehensible books in your collection! It is your firm belief that, exposed to this kind of literature, he will not be able to resist, and finally leave those childish comics behind.

You grunt as you pull the 2000-page volume "PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ONE-DIMENSIONAL LOVE AND THE NATURE OF SOCIETY AND GENDER ROLES AND A VARIETY OF OTHER THEMES EXPLORED IN THE COURSE OF AN EXTENSIVE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO EXTREMELY BLAND CHARACTERS" from a top shelf and grin to yourself. This'll get him.

> Return to waiting friend

You decide that you have sufficient literature for your purposes, and decide to get back to the reading room. You doubt he could commit any serious vandalism in the time you were gone, (he's not a complete child, after all), but why take a risk?

> Listen! Do you smell something?
As you hurry back along the shelves, your nose detects a strange, terrible, piercing odor, and you become instantly alert. Something... is wrong. You carefully put down the stack of books you're carrying and, keeping close to the shelves, your eyes flicking from shadow to shadow, you continue on your way. You don't know what this could be, you've never smelled this before in here... though you could swear it smells like... naaah. Probably an anomaly of some sort. You'll take care of it.

But as you approach the reading room, you realize the smell is getting stronger, and you worry. If it had manifested in there, and caught your friend by surprise... You dread to think about it.

Your path takes you back to the reading room, and your suspicions are confirmed. You brace yourself for gore and insanity, ready your combat tomes and leap into the room, rolling and fluidly coming to your feet, scanning the room for threats. But there seem to be no threats, or friends, in here. An empty room, shelves of books, reading tables and, in the center of the room, a sad, forlorn pile next to a desk, emitting the stench you've been following...

Wait. That's no anomaly. That's a book.. That...
He...
Why would...
That little...

...

pandorasArchivist [PA] started pestering spectacularHellion [SH]
PA: ZEEEEEEBREEEEEEEK

>Past Zebrek: Get the hell outta dodge.

You can't get the hell outta dodge because you don't know where the exit to this dumb LIBRARCHIVARY is!

Who the hell designs these things with impossible goddamn architecture anyway?

>Past Zebrek: Get trolled by Scalis.

You HUSKTOP is informing you that you are getting trolled. You'll have to retrieve it from your sylladex if you want to respond, though.

>Past Zebrek: Retrieve husktop.

You can't do that!

>Well why the hell not?

Because in order to retrieve things from your sylladex you need to draw them with your PICTIONARY MODUS!

>Why didn't you just say so?

You're busy running, remember?

>Whatever, just draw the husktop will you?

You attempt to draw your husktop.

Unfortunately your shitty drawing skills are not at all improved by the fact that you're running.

>======>

You get a ghost image of gay musclebeast porn. Great.

> Stop ogling image and be the angry troll

You continue to regret that you are now Scalis

> Examine disaster

A desolate wind, seeming coming from the depths of your hive, begins to blow through the hall. Just a book, you try to tell yourself. Just paper and ink. You are reasonable, after all. You have millions of them, more. Just... a book.

But these thoughts seem flimsy and fragile, and as the wind swells around you, you lose your grip on them, and they fade awayaway. And you don't mind. Because this wasn't just a book, it was your book. Your work. And what happened here... was worse than mere destruction. It was blasphemy.

Still, you might have left it at that. Ejected the intruder, barred him from returning. But an errant gust sends a torn scrap of parchment tumbling across the room. One of the last remains of "The life and times of troll Jegus" comes to rest at your feet, half a sentence still visible.

"us spake Jegus: 'For we must guard against the evils of the mind, lest they become the evils of our world.' And then the crowd t"

Your gaze lands upon the sentence, you remember writing it. Remember what it means. And as you read it, the ever-present rustling of paper suddenly grows in volume, as if driven by the bleak wind swirling around you, crescendoing into something that sounds a lot more... alive than paper has any right to sound. Less like rustling and more like... applause.

And as you feel goosebumps running down your back at the eerie noise, you realize that evils of the mind must indeed be fought. And you realize that an anomaly can take many, many forms. Including this kind of... corruption. And if there's one thing you do well, it's stamping out anomalies.

The other is uninentionally running into stacks of gay pornography, but as you heft your combat tome and set off in pursuit of your former friend, you hope that won't come into play.

And as you run through the dark ailes, along shelves untouched for eons, applause still ringing in your ears, wind at your back, rage and a terrible purpose in your heart, you ask yourself.
What would Jegus do?

pandorasArchivist [PA] started pestering spectacularHellion [SH]:
PA: zebrek
PA: you
PA: will pay

> Go back to the Anomaly
Who?

> The Blasphemist
Who?

> Be Past Zebrek
Oh, him

>Past Zebrek: Stop running and draw husktop.

You stop running and are able to draw a slightly less shitty rendition of your husktop.

>======>

Looks like your PICTIONARY MODUS bought it! You retrieve your husktop.

>Past Zebrek: Read trollog.

It appears Scalis talked talked to you. Pay? He didn't say anything about a cost for admission!

This is a boring place anyway! Why would they charge you?

>Reply.

SH: dude you didnt tell me i had to pay for anything when you let me in why

>Keep running.

You keep running.

>======>

You run right into something!

>======>

You appear to have run into some contraption of sorts. You weren't really looking at where you were going, but this place looks like some mad scientists' lab.

You wonder why Scalis would have a place like this.

>Who cares? SHINY THINGS!

You cannot take commands right now because you are too busy playing with the shiny things!

You poke a shiny thing and it proceeds to fall down to the floor and break into pieces.

>Play some more.

Yay!

> Get flashback overdose and return later

mauve

01-09-2011, 07:37 PM

> Get flashback overdose and return later

You are treated for flashback overdose once the paramedics arrive. Once your vitals are stable again, you get a strict talking-to about the dangers of flashback useage and they leave. You'll get the bill in the mail.

> Oh... kaaaaay. Be someone else.

You are now GORRMA.

You are sitting on the floor in one of the SUBTERRANEAN STORAGE ROOMS in the lower levels of you HIVE. Your HUSKTOP is in front of you, and you are TYPING.

> Troll someone.

You fail to TROLL SOMEONE. You just finished trolling a bunch of people a few minutes ago, don't you remember? You had jumped into TEAM FORTRESS' SUPER SECRET MEMO to discuss the upcoming game. It sure sounds exciting.

But then you got bored and stopped responding. That was a while ago. Now you're just typing out some new RECIPES you want to try.

====>

Suddenly, you hear a NOISE. It came from one of the blocks on an upper floor. Hm. That's odd. Wonder what it could have been?

> Hear noise again

The noise returns, louder this time.
http://img703.imageshack.us/img703/9668/unfinished.png

"FOOM!" is not a happy kitchen noise. Uh oh.

Oh great. Sounds like something exploded. You KNEW that oven was about to go. You remember BALLAA'S CAKE was on the countertop across from the oven. Cripes. It's probably a pile of ashes now. An afternoon's worth of work right out the window.

====>

Ugh! All it would have taken was for someone to turn the darn thing off when the alarm light started blinking. Why didn't Nommington take care of it? He was right there in front of the---

Nommington DID wake up before you left the kitchen block, didn't he?

Didn't he?

> Go investigate.

Why did you put the kitchen block so far away from the pantry blocks?!
http://img545.imageshack.us/img545/8490/stairsq.png
He was awake, wasn't he?

You'd remember if he didn't, wouldn't you?

Wouldn't you?

He had to be awake. He had to be.

He must have just left the room to find some food.

That has to be it.

Why are there so many gogdamn stairs?!

====>
http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/2476/gorrmahallway.png
You reach the KITCHEN BLOCK level.

You hope the explosion came from one of the OTHER KITCHEN BLOCKS. You have SEVERAL.

http://img692.imageshack.us/img692/1886/flamedoor.png

The door to the KITCHEN BLOCK is ringed in an orange glow. It's the KITCHEN BLOCK that you were cooking in just a few minutes ago.

> Open door.

http://img143.imageshack.us/img143/2060/hando.png
You open the door just a tiny bit.

http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/5074/gorrmacloseup2.png

You found NOMMINGTON.

> Be someone else for a while.

Arcanum

01-11-2011, 03:31 AM

> Be someone else for a while.

You are now Reztek again.

> What? So soon? What's the catch?

No catch. He's just an emotional wreck right now.

> Reztek: Stop mourning. Find joy in the long full life Shelly lived.

Yeahh... about that. You can't give him commands right now. Emotional wreck and all that.

> Be a Reztek who isn't totally useless

You are now Reztek precisely ??? hours in the future. You just got back from a crazy journey through time in order to exact revenge against Tergum. Well a Tergum anyway. What's important is that you created a doomed time line that will serve as his personal hell for the rest of his doomed existence, which is substantially longer than one might think thanks to some creative tinkering. That's what he gets for not keeping his mouth shut.

> Reztek: Observe surroundings

You are currently inside a lab in the Veil. You had to get pretty creative while creating that doomed time line and the equipment in here sure helped out a lot. This lab is primarily monitoring equipment, but that's all in another room. The room you're in right now has a bunch of broken computers. There used to be a working one but then there was some sort of incident.

> Reztek: Remember the incident

Not much to remember. The computer simply exploded. In fact you are missing part of your arm and bleeding profusely. This doesn't look too good.

> Reztek: Inform future-friends about this development

You can't because you don't have a computer. You lost your Husktop some time ago and were too busy to get a new one. It's not like you didn't have the time to get a new one, it's more like the doomed versions of your friends kind of shunned you once they found out you were dooming them to spite Tergum.

> Reztek: Recall what you were doing before the computer exploded

You were sharing your recent efforts in a memo, making sure Tergum knew what you did. The memo, or at least the important part, went something like this:

FAH4: I think if y[]u were better at y[]ur job, a|_|_ []f this [[]u|_d be averted.
FAH4: Way t[] fu[king g[], Rezzy.
FEO: This Is whY im tHe tiMe trOll aNd yoUre tHe prInce Of stUpid BullShit
FEO: I knoW thaT parAdox SpacE is jUst hAvinG a blAst mAkinG us iTs biTcheS witH theSe bulLshiT non-LineAr evEnts Of unAvoiDablE idiOcy
FEO: And tRust Me, ivE triEd chAngiNg thIngs
FEO: It diD not End wEll
FEO: That Is alL anyOne nEeds To knOw anD wilL eveR knoW aboUt thAt
FUTURE antipathicHopper [FAH5] (???+1 hours from now) has responded to memo.
FAH5: |_[]ng st[]ry sh[]rt, t[][] mu[h time|_ine fu[kery equa|_s dead Rezteks.
FAH5: Y[]u're we|_[[]me.
FUTURE eloquentOrchestrator [FEO2] (??? hours from now) responded to memo
FEO2: Ok i dOnt kNow hOw muCh tiMe i hAve lEft sO ill Make This QuicK
FEO2: TergUm i tHougHt yoU wouLd liKe to Know TherE is a Cozy TimeLine Out tHere WherE you SuffEr thE mosT dooMed eXistEnce
FEO2: MoreSo thAn evEryoNe elSe in That TimeLine
FEO2: It is RathEr deGradIng aCtuaLly aNd i tOok sOme pIctuRes fOr yoU
FUTURE eloquentOrchestrator sent antipathicHopper DoomEdfoReveR.trar
FEO2: EnjoY
FUTURE eloquentOrchestrator's [FEO2] computer exploded
FAH5: These are...
FAH5: A[tua|_|_y pretty g[]ddamn ad[]rab|_e.
FAH5: I especia|_|_y |_ike the way the b|_[][]d makes a giant winged butter beast.
FAH5: And I'm impressed he's sti|_|_ a|_ive without skin.
FAH5: []r arms.

> Wait so that means...

Yes this Reztek is doomed. Was that not clear? It seemed fairly obvious.

> Reztek: Find something useful to do before you die

Well there is one thing you can do, and since you're down an arm this one thing seems perfectly suited to you. Fated, one could say. You wouldn't say that though. Fate is a load of muscle-beast defecation. There is only the cold slap of Paradox Space's pimp hand telling you to get back to work.

> Reztek: Obey the pimp hand

You leave the charred and blood-spattered room you were in and emerge into a much larger lab. You take a brief moment to reminisce about the days you spent here, toiling away with a team of stable-time-looped yous as you orchestrated events to perfection. You hope Tergum cherishes those pictures you sent him.

But for now you have other work to do, and you need to find the right meteor for the job.

> Reztek: Check the giant monitor on the wall

The over-sized monitor shows where and when all the meteors will impact Alternia once the Reckoning starts. You can even alter the course of some of the smaller meteors if you are so inclined, but that requires placing elaborate devices in the right spot that will properly alter the trajectory of the meteor, AND making sure they don't activate until after the meteor enters the Skaian Defence Portals. You know this because that's how you created certain crucial events in the Doomed Tergum Time Line before he entered the Medium.

> Reztek: Science the shit out of this thing

You don't know what that means. Instead you hit a few buttons and turn some dials and before you know it you see the drone-made lake where your hive rests on the display. Obviously there's a large meteor designated to hit your hive dead on, but there are also several smaller meteors that will land in the lake before the large one hits. Three of them catch your eye; two that are perfectly suited for your current mission, and another one that has a peculiar target. It will land right beside your house, in the water, and if you remember correctly that's where the filtration system pumps for Shelly's habitat are located.

> Reztek: Quick! Save Shelly!

You can't! If you alter the course of the meteor then you will just create another doomed time line! You would just be prolonging the inevitable. Besides it's not that bad. You were able to talk to her after you started playing the game.

> Reztek: Track the two meteors of interest

You only need to track one of them. A quick dial turn and a button press reveals the location of that particular meteor in the Veil.

> Reztek: Transportalize!

A few transportalizations later and you're on the right meteor. Now time to wait for the Reckoning, which won't happen until five seconds later in your personal time line because you'll have traveled to the future because waiting for things to happen is for chumps without time powers.

But you can't see that happen because it's still a mystery what kind of device Reztek uses to travel through time, and it would be cheap if you found out before you were supposed to. Doesn't it suck having to wait for things to happen, chump?

The SSB Intern

01-14-2011, 01:25 AM

> SEGUE

Surprise! You're Vintag once more!

ARGH. The speedy one is not answering you. How are you going to perform your mockery of death without your pies!? This is just completely unpr- oh hey, Capiti's trolling you.

> Have your mind blown.

You have this conversation(?) with Tergum. (http://nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1097133&postcount=104)

Oh shoot, the world's at its end and you have to fight for your survival. This is just your luck.

> Throw bowler hat down in disgust.

If you can't physically abuse your accessories whenever you get in a lather, what good are they? Just need to get this... conk suck... hat...!

For crying out loud! The thing's stuck on your horns. Screw it, you'll express your rage later.

> Go converse with that spastic thing again.

His name is Vicki. And he can't really talk, it's a parlor trick for scamming unsuspecting rubes. Also, where the hell is he?

You pace back and forth in front of the kitchen's entrance, his last known location. Your eyes dart in all directions, the taste of blood seeping from your lips. You're biting too hard. You try to ease up. Vicki doesn't wander off on his own.

...Well, okay, yeah sometimes when you're out on the town something catches his eye and you lose track of him. But he keeps himself out of trouble, right?!

Except for that one time in the park-

*BOOM*

> Freak the fuck out.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!

A flash of brilliant crimson cuts through the penthive, followed by a deep, baritone shuddering. You nearly jump out of your shoes from the shock and delicately land on a wooden cylindrical flattening device. It gives out under you and you land on your face in the most unpleasant of manners.

Why do you have one of these. You don't know how to bake.

From your crumpled vantage point, you can see your lusus by the windowsill, illumined by the flashes outside. You scamper to your feet and sprint over to him as fast as your legs can take you. Vicki is looking out onto the city below. You address him accusingly.

He doesn't respond.

You repeat, louder.

His gaze doesn't leave the city.

You growl in frustration. Your dreams have been crushed, an obnoxious twerp became your boss, and you realized how much of a flighty idiot you've been for hording all this useless crap. You are not about to take insubordination from an overgrown fluffy-tailed rat. You scream at him and ready your hand for some good ol' rage expression.

...You stop. He's shivering, practically quaking, all over his body. You look up to see his eyes dilated and filled with tears. You lower your hand into his paw. He grips tightly. Minutes pass, and he calms.

The city is crumbling beneath an ocean of flame. To the left, the theater stands gaudily amidst countless other buildings. You knew the manager and he gave the two of you a gig when you were still starting out. The face of the building was decorated with hundreds of light-bulbs that shone on the marquee and the bar hopping youngsters swarming the sidewalk. The bulbs popped one by one from the heat, until the sign finally crashed down. Off to the right, the park was still intact, but the waves of light encroached on it. A jittery mass of black dots stood in the center. From your window, they looked like insects, tiny creatures being tormented by a giant magnifying glass and some, unseen sick-minded troll. You look up and see the night striped with red. It's as if the Alternian sky was some red-blooded mutant hobo who had just been eviscerated by the rusty box cutter of a discontented meter maid. You briefly pause to wonder how that simile came to be in your mind.

This is what Tergum was talking about.

> It's time to go.

Finally, you look back to Vicki. He's no longer in shock, just slumping. You inform him that due to the impending apocalypse, all rehearsals and performances are canceled until further notice. The two of you will be going on a trip with some friends.

He inhales deeply and bends over, reaching down his side. As he comes back up, you notice the top hat is in his gloves. He exhales, places it on his head, and looks over at you, smiling. You laugh, despite everything.

>...Move it along.

Preparations need preparing, so you begin to race to the kitchen for supplies. A thought crosses your mind, and you slide to a stop, and turn back to Vicki. You take the Dead Pan out of your sylladex, ejecting a rotten egg into the air in the process. It lands on your hat.

Gogdamn modus.

You hand the skillet to your lusus and instruct him to stay put and hit anything that appears over the head. Be careful with it, though. This pan was made from the remains of a very important folk hero. Vicki winces.

> Get going already!

OK! GEEZ! You head off, your first stop the laundry block, to get this putrid head covering a wash.

> Lusus: reflect.

You are now Vicki.

Vintag seems like she has a strong handle on the situation, and from what she says, there will be survivors. And yet, a feeling of dread is draped over you. The cooking instrument dangles uselessly at your side. Dead weight.

Hehe, you'll have to remember that.

You bring it up to your face and examine it in muted awe. Could you really hit something with this? Could you take a life to save your own? ...Or maybe hers?

Your thoughts turn to her. So strong. Practically raised herself. Now, she takes charge and even looks out for you. She'll get through this with ease.

You, on the other paw, were never meant for any of this. You just follow orders and maybe do a few stupid dances. ...Maybe...

You hold the pan at arm's length. A feeling seems to pulsate from it, like an inviting warmth from a fireplace, or the familiar tingle of a pie flung in your face. Frenzied thoughts race through your mind.

Wouldn't you just be slowing her down?

...

> Reader: Abscond.

Overcast

01-14-2011, 02:54 PM

>Reader: Abscond.

Uh oh, you just ran face first into SEYMOUR.

>Reader: First, change pants. Then, be Seymour.

You succeed in being Seymour.

You have been swimming in the waters since your protege has taken to playing silly games with his friends. You allow him these times, but only if he has earned them. After the truce you swore for the day you figure he has. In your time away you have taken a rather large squid, it was already injured when you found it so it was easy pickings. Though a bit inky. You amuse yourself with chewing on its corpse, but keep an eye out for anything that might smell the blood in the water.

The seas are never safe after all.

>Seymour: Be shocked.

Why would he be shocked, he is a perfectly competent hunter in these waters, nothing short of an alien monstrosity could...what was that sound?

>Seymour: STRIFE!

No, it wasn't that. It was a crashing sound. Far in the distance but loud enough to be worrying. Like thunder. Then the waves came, knocking you around a bit and forcing you to take heed. You swam up to the surface and stared about, looking for the cause of these strange tides.

Then there it was, the falling rocks. Out from the sky the flaming bastards crashed into the land and sea. Most harmless, if a bit shocking. None so huge as to make an issue, but it was worrisome. You decided you did not trust your ward alone at a time like this, and began the swim home. Squid in tow of course.

>Seymour: Be Leraje.

You are now Leraje. You have been waiting a short bit for Caoway to get his nerves together and start the game up you've been hearing distant echos that are starting to make you nervous and you'd rather you save your ass before it ends up dead in whatever way this game plans to end it.

For now though you are just keeping an eye on your memo.

OO: oh good!
OO: then that sholvesh the problem of what to do with all the decomposhing carcasshesh!
CSS: ...
SH: come on gorrma lets play who cares what some dumb manual says come on come on come on come on come on come on come on come on come on come on come on come on come on come on come on come on come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

You really need to find the time to deal with Zeb, he is becoming slightly insufferable with his stupid. Still you expect this from him, it is part of why you let him join. He has all this enthusiasm and energy, you could only imagine what it could do if it was channeled in the right direction.

>Leraje: Get trolled by Scalis

pandorasArchivist [PA] started trolling absentPsychologist
[AP]
PA: Agiants my...
PA: Better Jegdument
PA: And beviele me, I take pride in the fact that it is usaully much better than this
PA: So much betret, you cuold not corhepmend
PA: Awynay...
PA: I have come to restequ advice of a...
PA: Ronactim tanure.
PA: It regards Zebrek.
PA: To my eretnal shame.
AP: Romantic, eh?
AP: And with Zeb?
AP: Do, go. On.
PA: Befoer your train of thuohgt strays into the uttelry riciludous, it is Blackrom.
PA: I think. I do not even know.
PA: He is juts so... inurifating.
AP: So people say.
AP: But, I don't...know how capable. He is. With Blackrom.
AP: I want him, to be. But I don't think. He is ready...yet.
AP: I mean...what has. He done to piss you, off. That he probably...wouldn't have done. To. Everyone?
PA: It is his... narute.
PA: I think I am one of few trolls, if not the only
PA: Ufnotrunate enuogh to raelly udnertsand who he is
PA: Waht he repesrenst.
AP: And, what. Is that?
PA: He is...
PA: Suferpicial.
PA: Blind to... etheryving.
PA: Etheryving that matters.
AP: What matters. To you. Maybe.
AP: He has. His own, priorities.
AP: And...to some. They may...seem, odd.
AP: But, they make him.
PA: No, I... doubt it, atcually.
PA: He has no pirorities.
PA: He has no cocnept of pirority.
PA: He just... bindls hismelf to the world.
PA: And brings chaos where he treads.
AP: He, seems. Disorienting. But, chaos.
AP: Chaos is bigger, than he. Seem capable of, right now.
AP: He believes, in good. Things. He held his breath, till.
AP: He passed out, just to see. If we'd help him save. The world.
AP: That we. Can't save.
AP: We kept telling, him. But he belives. What he believes.
AP: That is. What makes him. Chaotic.
PA: It is what makes him blind.
PA: Blind to raelity.
PA: Etrenally irognant.
PA: You ask me to anckowlege his pirorities.
PA: But he has no udnerandsting of mine, or yours.
PA: Refuses to see.
PA: And that is...
AP: Why...you. <3= him. Eh?
AP: But, how. Does he feel, about you?
AP: I accept. Your hate, is, proper. But...he has...no hate.
AP: Just a. Lot of stupid.
PA: That is the porblem.
PA: I do not think I can stop hitang him.
PA: But it is to be...
PA: Fovorer unquerited.
PA: What do I do?
AP: ._. Hmm.
AP: -_- Mmm.
AP: ^_^ I shall try. To change him. If he...can hate. I'll try to. See him, hate you.
AP: But for now, just watch. Him. Imagine. How he, reacts, to everything.
AP: And if...you see. Your black entry, then shoot.
AP: That, is all I have, for now.
PA: Canghe him indeed.
PA: This... cofnuses me. Never hadet before.
PA: I need to resvole this soon.
PA: So hurry.
AP: We'll see.
AP: Bye. ._.
absentPsychologist [AP] stopped being trolled by pandorasArchivist [PA]

An interesting development, you'll definitely need to keep an eye on Zeb then. You are still unsure of how you will get him to hate, but in games like this you have the chance to feel all sorts of emotions. Especially one that hits as close to home as this one seems to.

Anyway, back to the memo.

CURRENT melancholicChumly [CMC] responded to memo-
CMC: Zeb, S\hut the fuck up.
CMC: You'll play when your client'S\ rea/)y.
CMC: Not one S\econ/) S\ooner.
CMC: Lera/je, I'm rea/)y on thiS\ en/).
CMC: My huS\ktop'S\ ol/). It will take a few minuteS\ to loa/).
CMC: I'm G\oinG\ take care of S\ome thinG\S\ I've been puttinG\ off.
CMC: S\ee you all S\oon.
CMC: I hope.
CURRENT melancholicChumly [CMC] ceased responding to memo.
spectacularHellion [SH] has begun holding his breath.
AP: Zeb, please don't. Do that. I need, you breathing. When they come.
AP: At any rate. Installing now. Join...a private chat. If you'd like.

Well, it seems it is time to start then. You insert the disc into your computer and let it run, your advanced processors changing from their endless shipping arrangements toward running the SGRUB. This is it.

where doing it man
where MAKING THIS HAPEN

You enter and get your first look at his hive. It is a damn mudborn fatbeast sty. You shake your head in disgust at the appearance of the shipwreck hovel, it is about time to start trolling.

absentPsychologist [AP] started trolling melancholicChumly [MC]
AP: ...this place is trashed.
AP: What. Are you. Doing?
AP: I'm...going to start. Cleaning, this place. Up. Until the things. Start...arriving.
MC: ThinG\S\?
AP: Monsters.
AP: Normal...FLARP typically, has. Monster spawn, guided. By a client. Of the opposite, team.
AP: In this, case. As I am, leading you. I imagine, the monsters...will automatically. Spawn. And likely scale, to us. As we...level.
AP: But there. Are always. Monsters.
AP: Always.

You wish you could see him, while you are enjoying tossing his things in random piles around his altogether disorganized house filled with whatever sharl had tricked him into buying and other things he picked up, or(ugh) written in his so called "adventures." There was something unnerving about not having his player in view.

You decide to ease your mind by checking out some of the menu's in further detail.

>Examine Phernalia Registry

There is a whole list of junk in here that you figure you can actually put in his hive. Worth a shot, the place could use some furnishing.

AP: ...there. I believe, I've cleared. Enough. Space to fit, some of these. Strange items.
AP: Dammit. What the hell, is grist?
MC: No i/)ea.
MC: Wait, /)i/) you S\ay S\omethinG\ about clearinG\ S\pace?
AP: Yes.
AP: You're hive. Is a mess.
AP: What with, all the junk. You write. And buy, from Sharl.
AP: Had to move some. Things.
MC: Whatever.
MC: It /)oeS\n't really matter anymore.
MC: AlthouG\h it iS\ worth mentioninG\ that Beechie'S\ block probably woul/) have been biG\ enouG\h to hol/) whatever it iS\ you're deployinG\.
AP: Bluh. Alright...I may have. Been taking out. Some...personal criticisms. On your writings.
AP: There. I said. It.
AP: Anyway. This is free. So let's start with that. It is called a Cruxtruder.
AP: It looks kinda neat.
MC: Fine, /juS\t S\et it here.
AP: Alright I...

>Leraje: Notice something weird.

It would appear that your client has some sort of corpse on his back. Why would he do that? Was that what he was off doing when you started, his little ocean life reaper junk.

AP: What is that, on your back there?
MC: Beechie.

That was not the answer you were expecting. For a moment you can't seem to move, and then you start unconsciously doing things. Not really thinking, just acting.

AP: Oh no.
AP: Is it...
MC: ...Yes.
MC: There was a tidal wave.
MC: And some sharp rocks.
MC: It was all my fault.
MC: ...
MC: Weren't you G\oinG\ to /)eploy S\omethinG\?
AP: ...yes.
AP: I put your writings back.
AP: I'm sorry...I...
AP: ...
MC: Lera/je, thank you for the S\ympathy but..
MC: We /)on't have time for thiS\.
MC: Take a look outS\i/)e.
MC: S\omethinG\ tellS\ me that S\tar S\hower out there iS\n't /juS\t a happy coinci/)ence.

You shake yourself aware, he's right. Lives are at stake right now. Mostly his life, and you both have a game to play to save yourselves. This is most unsettling, but you have to get beyond it. For him.

MC: Now, what /)o I /)o with thiS\?
AP: ...I have no idea.
AP: There is some. Kind of wheel on the side.
AP: And...the, top looks. Openable.
AP: Just fool. With it. A bit.
MC: Poppe/) open pretty eaS\ily.
MC: Okay, what the FLARP iS\ thiS\ thinG\?
MC: It'S\ kin/) of hurtinG\ my eyeS\ to look at.
MC: ...That count/)own S\eemS\ ominouS\.
AP: Frightfully. So.
AP: But...according to the. Guide, that is a. Kernelsprite.
AP: You are supposed to. Prototype it with something.
AP: Whatever. That. Means.
MC: I'll /juS\t chuck S\ome worthleS\S\ piece of G\arbaG\e into it.
MC: S\o lonG\, BeaG\lepuS\S\.
MC: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

Your jaw clenches, he got the Beaglepuss in there, but it looks like the Kernalsprite got a little extra by sucking up Beechie as well. Not really a great thing to happen so soon after it died. You want to say something meaningful, but all that ends up out of your screen is,

AP: Uh oh.
MC: ...
MC: IS\ there anythinG\ elS\e that nee/)S\ /)eployinG\?
Uh. Yes.
MC: Make S\ome room upS\tairS\ then.
MC: ToS\S\ out my recuperacoon.
MC: I har/)ly ever S\lept in it anyway.
AP: This is. An Alchemiter.
AP: Dunno. What it does.
MC: LookS\ like it haS\ a platform for S\omethinG\.
MC: Hol/) on.
MC: I'm G\oinG\ to use the other thinG\ that came out of the cruxthinG\y.
MC: BlockS\. S\well.
MC: We're makinG\ G\reat proG\reS\S\.
AP: I'm probably going. To get, rid of these. Things.
AP: They seem, pretty useless.
AP: And they cost us, that grist stuff.
AP: Anyway, one more freebie.
MC: S\ayonara, bureau.
MC: Looks like thiS\ totem thinG\y G\oeS\ in the whatever it iS\ you /juS\t /)eploye/).
MC: An/) there S\eemS\ to be a S\hunt for S\omethinG\.
MC: IS\ there anythinG\ left?
MC: How much time /)o we have left for the matter?
AP: A pre punched, sylladex card.
AP: And I don't think you want...to ask. Me about the time.
MC: Okay, car/) S\eemS\ to fit in here.
MC: Well, now the thinG\ haS\ a lot of G\ooveS\.
MC: Back to the alchemiter.

Ugh all of this watching is getting tiresome, maybe you can find something to get your mind back into awareness.

>Leraje: Check the memo.

CSS: Be right back.
CURRENT StalkerSahagin [CSS] ceased responding to memo.
spectacularHellion [SH] passed out.
AP: Dammit Zeb.
CUREENT StalkerSahagin [CSS] responded to Memo
CSS: My lusus has died.
PAST pandorasArchivist [PPA] has responded to memo
PPA: My sythmapeis.
PPA: It appaers to be giong arnoud.
PPA: Do not midn me. I am but a lenoly Rocket.
PPA: Fidning out whether your team is truly as uncoodrinated as ours.
BT: what do you meeean, "going around"?
BT: not that i'm WORRIEEED.
BT: i meeean i gueeess i should beee worrieeed, but my lusus is geeetting old.
BT: if ANYTHING kills heeer it'll beee ageee.
PPA: Parheps. Parheps not.
PPA: There heav been... ohter deaths.
PPA: Mine has... dippaseared.
PPA: Semothing is chagning.
CSS: I saved the corpse.
CSS: Might eat it later.
AP: Good, to see. You are taking. It well.
CURRENT melancholicChumly [CMC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo-
CMC: Tick tick!
CMC: RunninG\ out of time!
AP: Hey. I don't, know. What to do, with that thing.
CMC: S\o, inS\tea/) of thinkpanS\torminG\, you S\hit aroun/) on thiS\ memo?
AP: You have, even less. Reason, to be here.
AP: Back to the, alchemiter with you!
CMC: Oh, riG\ht.
CMC: S\orry to hear about your luS\uS\ Piron.
CMC: An/) you too S\caliS\.
CURRENT melancholicChumly [CMC] ceased responding to memo-

SO BOTHERSOME. You look back to the screen you had put him on and watch the alchemiter pop out a little reward just in time. Right into his greedy little hands.

>Leraje: Troll Caoway.

AP: Fine, I'm back. What did we make?
AP: Is that. A fishing pole?
AP: Oh look, you caught...something.
MC: No S\hit.
MC: Finny baS\tar/)'S\ puttinG\ up one hell of fiG\ht.
MC: I /)on't even know why I'm /)oinG\ thiS\.
MC: IS\ thiS\ pro/)uctive?
MC: Urk, thiS\ S\tupi/) pole iS\n't workinG\ right.
MC: It'S\ G\oinG\ to G\et away!
MC: Lera/je, catchyeG\rabbit!
AP: Alright just...let me.
AP: Oh, dammit.
AP: I can't interact, with thing's. You are, interacting with...
MC: /)ammit, thiS\ iS\ S\o S\tupi/)!
MC: I /)on't have time for thiS\!
MC: Why the fuck can't I reel it in?
MC: I lan/) S\ea monS\terS\ all the time an/) I juS\t ate S\ome weir/) alien plant from a /)umb can!
AP: What...is your deal. With fish, anyway?
AP: I mean...even Piron doesn't. Hunt them, like you. Do.
AP: It is like, you have...a vendetta or something.
MC: IS\ now the time to be aS\kinG\ thiS\?
AP: I'm...just trying. To understand. Why you don't. Just.
AP: Let. It. Go.
MC: Why S\houl/) I?
MC: NothinG\ that S\wimS\ in the water haS\ ever G\iven me a break.
AP: And that's it? That is...why you. Are sitting here, using your last moments. Breathing fighting a fish?
AP: Because you might have been. Abused, by the waterborne?
AP: Oh boo hoo.
AP: YOU ARE ABOUT TO FUCKING DIE.
AP: Think, you fool.
MC: You're right.
MC: I am a fool.

Oh great. Now he is ignoring you. FINE! You have other stuff to take care of anyway, he can save his own damn self...okay you lie you keep watching him. You aren't sure what he is going to do but you're nervous. That time limit isn't getting any longer, if he is going to find a way out, he's going to need to find it soon.

>Leraje: First, be the other troll.

Token

01-14-2011, 03:59 PM

>Leraje: First, be the other troll.

You are now Tergum.

>Tergum: Check Memo.

__________________________________________________
FUTURE antipathicHopper [AH] (2 hours from now) started memo: Prepare f[]r tr[]ub|_e!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FAH: �sup, n[][]ksniffers?
FAH: Due t[] p[]pu|_ar de^^and (n[]t t[] ^^enti[]n [[]^^^^[]n sense), I�^^ in [harge of Tea^^ R[][ket.
FAH: First things first: R[]|_|_ [a|_|_!
FAH: []bvi[]us|_y, Tergu^^, y[]ur g|_[]ri[]us |_eader is here.
CURRENT hazardousPractitioner [HP] has responded to memo
CHP: I really shXuld have mXre impXrtant things tX be dXing, but why nXt.
CHP: What the hell is this?
CHP: Are yXu Xrganizing a FLARP sessiXn Xr sXmething?
CHP: If sX I can be Xn call tX treat any 'accidents' bXth genuine and staged.
CURRENT burlesqueBalderdash [BB] has responded to the memo
CBB: O>o what popcockery is this STOP
CBB: O>o is tergum trying to be funny again STOP
FAH:N[] j[]ke, kidd[].
FAH: I'^^ in [harge.
FAH: Dea|_ w/ it.
CHP: In charge Xf what!
CHP: Please prXvide an answer befXre I stXp caring.
FAH: |_[]ng st[]ry sh[]rt, a ga^^e that wi|_|_ deter^^ine the fate []f the w[]r|_d.
FAH: I dunn[], ask A|_durin. He was ta|_king, and I z[]ned []ut pretty qui[k|_y...
CHP: Again? I've already put up with him Xnce tXday!
CHP: Why didn't he tell me then?
CHP: Fine, I'll spare the mXment tX talk with him. This best be wXrth it.
FAH: Did y[]u ^^iss the "fate []f the w[]r|_d" bit?
FAH: And he pr[]bab|_ didn't te|_|_ y[]u be[ause...
FAH: We|_|_, he's s[]rt []f...
FAH: A|_durin. Y'kn[]w?
CHP: I knXw much tXX well.
CURRENT hazardousPractitioner [HP] has ceased responding to memo
FAH: We|_|_.
FAH: S[]^^e[]ne's a gru^^py grub t[]day.
absentPsychologist [AP] has responded to the memo
AP: That one. Is...grumpy. Every, day.
absentPsychologist [AP] has ceased responding to the memo
FAH: |_eraje, fu[k []ff, y[]u aren't part []f this tea^^.
FAH: Anyway, f[]r the rest []f y[]u wh[] g[]t this ^^e^^[] with[]ut getting the ^^e^^[]...
FAH: We're p|_aying a ga^^e.
FAH: I ^^ean, y[]u [[]u|_d [h[][]se N[]T t[] p|_ay, but then y[]u'd die.
FAH: Pr[]bab|_y sh[]u|_d have [|_arified earlier; when I said deter^^ine the fate []f the w[]r|_d...
FAH: I ^^eant the fate []f []ur |_ives.
FAH: A|_ternia's fu[ked, but the handfu|_ []f us wh[] p|_ay wi|_|_ survive.
FAH: S[], that's the eight []f us, and the seven fu[ktards [a[]way re[ruited.
FAH: I tried t[] [[]nta[t y[]u a|_|_ individua|_|_y, but a |_[]t []f y[]u didn't resp[]nd.
FAH: And, I f[]rg[]t t[] invite Nasry|_. Wh[][]ps.
FAH: Fair warning: I'|_|_ expe[t better w[]rk ethi[ fr[]m a|_|_ []f y[]u []n[e we start Sgrub.
FAH: []kay. Rant's d[]ne, and n[]w it is my p|_easure t[] we|_[[]^^e y[]u t[]...
FAH: TEA^^ R[][KET!
FAH: N[]w, bu[k the fu[k up and get with the r[]|_|_ [a|_|_, fu[ksti[ks!
CURRENT technopathicalAnomaly [CTA] has responded to memo
CTA: I'd sAy tOO lAtE tO dO thIs bUt thAt dOEsn't ApplY whEn wE AbUsE tEmpOrAl phYsIcs thIs wAy
CTA: And I fOrgOt tO sAy sOmEthIng EArlIEr . . .
CTA: whErE Is thE lOgIc Of trYIng tO rEcrUIt mE fIvE mInUtEs AftEr I tEll yOU tO rEcrUIt OthErs?
CTA: nOt thAt I dOn't wAnt tO lEAvE thE tEAm
CTA: jUst lEttIng yOU knOw thAt crAp wOn't gO UnnOtIcEd
FUTURE spectacularHellion [FSH] 14:06 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FSH: whoa the planets going to get destroyed thats bad how come no one told me before we should figure out how to stop it come on guys think
CTA: thE prOblEm Is wE'rE nOt ExActlY sUrE hOw It's gOIng tO hAppEn
CURRENT hazardousPractitioner [HP] has responded to memo
CHP: What the everlXving fuck is wrXng with yXu peXple.
CHP: I just gXt Xff the metaphXrical phXne with Aldurin, and wXrd is that this will kill everything.
CHP: I'm willing tX give dXubt tX the pXssibility, because it was stated by the guy whX dXesn't knXw metal cXnducts electricity.
CHP: But let me reiterate:
CHP: What the fuck. Why are yXu peXple actually gXing thrXugh with it?
FAH: Fantasti[ questi[]ns, every[]ne.
FAH: In []rder:
FAH: A|_durin, fu[k y[]u f[]r questi[]ning my |_eadership ^^eth[]ds.
FAH: Zebrek, fu[k y[]u f[]r resp[]nding t[] this. Y[]u're fr[]^^ a further future than I a^^, s[] y[]u sh[]u|_d kn[]w ^^[]re than I d[]...
FAH: What a^^ I even saying, y[]u never kn[]w ja[k shit.
FAH: And Nasry|_, we're g[]ing thr[]ugh with it be[cause...
FAH: A[tua|_|_y, A|_durin never exp|_ained that to ^^e.
FAH: I ^^ean, I, pers[]na|_|_y, a^^ g[]ing thr[]ugh with it be[ause fu[k every[]ne wh[] isn't ^^e.
FAH: A|_s[], better t[] be behind the end []f the w[]r|_d and |_ive than t[] sit ba[k and die.
CHP: That makes nX sense.
CHP: YXu make nX sense.
CHP: I'll be sure tX Xffer a discXunt brain scan next time I see yXu.
CHP: Anyways, fuck yXu.
CHP: It wXn't wXrk, sX I'm nXt even gXing tX argue further with the likes Xf yXu.
CHP: Tell me when it fails, k' asshXle?
CURRENT hazardousPractitioner [HP] has ceased responding to memo
FAH: Kay. Have fun dying with the rest []f the pai|_-sniffers.
FAH: As for the rest of us, we'|_|_ be partyin' it up, and dr[]ppin' it |_ike it's h[]t.
CTA: dOn't wOrrY, nAsrYl wIll bE bAck
CTA: I'm sUrE Of It
Future eloquentOrchestrator [FEO] 0:30 HOURS FROM NOW has responded to memo
FEO: Ok i'm DoinG thiS now InstEad oF sooNer bEcauSe i'm A litTle pReocCupiEd thIrty MinuTes aGo
FEO: I wilL spaRe yoU all The eMotiOnal MeloDramA and Just Tell You
FEO: My luSus dIed
FEO: I kilLed hEr
FEO: Well She wAs dyIng aNd in Pain And i Didn'T wanT her To suFfer
FEO: So thIrty MinuTes aGo i'm Kind Of a wReck
FEO: ActuAlly I stiLl kiNd of Am
FEO: I wilL get Back To alL of yOu whEn i'm HaviNg leSs of A criSis
Future eloquentOrchestrator [FEO] has ceased responding to memo
FAH: We|_|_... Da^^n.
FAH: That's unf[]rtunate.
FAH: But, quite frank|_y, n[]t the biggest pr[]b|_e^^ right n[]w.
FAH: In [ase you ^^issed it: THE W[]R|_D. IS. ENDING.
FAH: S[] bu[k the fu[k up, gr[]w s[]^^e sha^^e g|_[]bes, and get y[]ur head in the ga^^e.
FAH: Y[]u [an [ry |_ater, right n[]w, we have t[] f[][us []n surviving.
FAH: If y[]ur |_usus [an't survive, then she'd just be h[]|_ding us ba[k.
FAH: Ba[k in a few, Strize is [rying.
FAH: What a b|_ubbering g[]dda^^n pansy.
Future antipathicHopper [FAH] disconnected

>Tergum: Check on blubbering goddamn pansy.

Despite your facade on the memo, you're actually pretty damn concerned. You've never heard Strize cry before. That can't be good. Did someone break in?

>Tergum: Equip Weapon.

You're sorry, equip what?

>Sigh... :Equip Wea-pen."

Gog, you hate that pun. And that pen. It's so fucking... useless! You can barely write as it is, and whenever you try to use the damn thing, you accidentally activate its stupidly fucking derptarded acidic ink setting and dissolve your paper. Is there ANYTHING FUCKING STUPIDER THAN YOUR STUPID FUCKING- whoops, here it goes. You catch the BALLPOINT PEN-ETRATOR as it is ejected from your RAGE MODUS. Weapon... Uh... wea-pen in hand, you begin to search the respiteblock for your Lusus.

For some odd reason, you feel compelled to go towards the basement. You generally try to avoid it, there's a stupid amount of stairs to get down there. Back when you designed the place, you were somewhat... well, if you're perfectly honest, you were fucking proud of yourself for figuring out stairs, so you made a bunch of them to show off. Now? Now you're far too lazy to go down the one-hundred and twelve steps day after day. Especially with Strize; he always tends to run everywhere. Running down stairs when you have giant sickles for arms... not the greatest idea. You always have to remind him of that... oh. Oh no.

>Tergum: Run!

You zip down the stairs with a fervor that would have impressed you even when you were a step-obsessed wiggler. As you reach the bottom you see just what you didn't want to: Your lusus, surrounded in a pool of green, arm-blade bent, and puncturing his thorax.

Lususlog:
Tergum: Strize?
Strize:...
Tergum: []h what the he|_|_!
Tergum: I warned y[]u ab[]ut stairs!
Tergum: I t[]|_d y[]u, bug!
Tergum: But seri[]us|_y, st[]p b|_eeding []n the f|_[][]r and get up.
Tergum: [[]^^e []n, we need t[] bandage y[]u up.
Tergum: ...
Tergum: p|_ease?

>Tergum: grieve.

You'd love to. Honestly. But right now, your team needs you if they want to survive. You have to... Come on, Capiti. You've gotta getcha getcha getcha getcha head in the game.

>Tergum: Man up. Your idiots need you.

You get up off your knees, wipe your tears, and give your lusus one last hug-GOGDAMMIT! You Captchalogued him! Well, no way you're getting him out of your rage modus. You sigh, then head back up the stairs to continue the memo.

Intern Nin

01-14-2011, 07:12 PM

> Tergum: be the other other troll.

Tergum cannot be the other other troll because Caoway is currently the other other troll.

> Be Caoway.

You are Caoway and you have just finished hauling the corpse of your beloved lusus back into your recently wrecked hive. You stand agog in Beechie's block and behold the great wet mess that wave made of your domicile. Needless to say, you have had better nights. This one's just getting started though.

> Caoway: Troll someone's server.

You free a hand and contact Leraje with your PDA. Looks like he's connected.

He's going on about monsters or something. Some function of the game. It's kind of hard to pay attention.

> Caoway: Wait, did he say something about clearing space?

Okay, that drew you back in. You inquire about this and Leraje says that he has taken the liberty of tidying your hive as he sees fit. Eh, whatever. Sort of hard to care about a bunch of journals and nicknacks after carrying around your dead guardian, the animal that raised you all your life and introduced to the ocean and by proxy the thrill of adventure. Whose guidance and protection you repaid by getting him crippled and subsequently killed.

> Caoway: Oh please, not this again!

Okay, this is not a productive train of thought. Focus Hemnet! Respond back! Okay, now he's ragging you about your literature. And apparently there's something he needs to set up. Lot of room in here. You tell him to set it up here.

Oh man, he spotted Beechie on your back and is asking about it. You forgot he has to see the environment to manipulate it.

> Caoway: Tell him.

You tell him that it is your lusus and, yes, he is dead. And that it is your fault..

Leraje's not saying anything now.

> Caoway: What's he doing?

You ask about the artifact he was about to set up. He comes back on, sets it up, says that he put your stuff back and then kind of chokes up.

> Caoway: Tick Tick Tick!

You thank him for his condolences but point out that time is not on your side and there is spray of firey death rocks bearing down on your hive. You ask what you're supposed to do next but he has no clue. He suggests fiddling around with it.

> Caoway: Interact with Cruxtruder.

You place Beechie's corpse down and turn the wheel on the side. The lid pops off like a cork. I guess you can thank the alien vegetation for that. Out of the Cruxtruder comes a weird thing seemingly made seizure inducing light and a dowel made of some kind of sea green substance.

Hey, is that a countdown clock?

00 : 00 : 06 : 12

> Caoway: Ask for further instructions.

Leraje consults the guide and says that the seizure thing is called a kernelsprite. It has to be prototyped whatever that means, he says. Perhaps you need to put something in the kernel?

> Caoway: Part with cherished trophy.

You throw a stupid pair of Groucho glasses in it. Never liked them all that much anyways. As if anybody could really be invincible wearing those. The thing catches the kooky specs, but then makes a dive for Beechie's corpse!

> Caoway: Type AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

You waste a few milliseconds typing so that your server knows exactly what it is you're yelling. You make a dive for the body but it's too late. The piece of crap swallowed it whole.

> Caoway: Aggrieve.

You swing your fist right at the damn thing, but it side-floats out of the way. You punch right through the wall. Man, being strong sucks.

Your bellow at the poorly disguised orb and it quickly floats off to somewhere else in the hive. Your lusus is gone, and now you can't even stuff and mount him.

> Caoway: Mourn loss quickly.

You take a moment. You then promptly get your head back in the game and ask Leraje if there's anything else they need to set up. He says yes. You tell him to put it in your respiteblock.

You make your way upstairs and into the block. It's in even greater disarray than it was before. On top of being wet, everything's knocked over and moved around, except for the treasury that is. Well, at least this has made your room slightly more navigable. Leraje quickly removes your recuperacoon and replaces it with a large platform thing called a alchemiter.

This one's a little less obvious.

> Caoway: Retrieve Cruxite Dowel.

You scamper back down and grab the dowel. You make your way back, while letting your server know what you have planned. You place the dowel on the platform, the response is nigh instantaneous. The laser goes over the dowel and then several blocks appear on the platform. You pick them up and inspect them.

Yes sir, these are definitely some completely useless blocks. You kick them off the platform and type something sarcastic to Leraje. He, of course, ignores this.

The bureau is then lifted up and chucked out your broken window. Another weird gadget is set up in it's place.

> Caoway: Inspect Totem Lathe.

You give this doohickey a once over and find that the cruxite would fit in it.
There also appears to be an opening for what looks like a card or something.

You inquire if there's any freebies left and about the countdown. He deploys a pre-punched captchalogue card and indicates that time is running out.

> Caoway: Insert card in Totem Lathe.

Doesn't take a genius to figure this out. The lathe carves the dowel into an unusual shape. Okay, this is progress. You state that you're going back to the alchemiter but he doesn't respond.

What the hell is he doing?

> Caoway: Check memo.

You go onto the memo and... you know what? I don't care that you just got done reading all of this once before. Read it again.

CURRENT StalkerSahagin [CSS] responded to Memo
CSS: My lusus has died.
PAST pandorasArchivist [PPA] has responded to memo
PPA: My sythmapeis.
PPA: It appaers to be giong arnoud.
PPA: Do not midn me. I am but a lenoly Rocket.
PPA: Fidning out whether your team is truly as uncoodrinated as ours.
BT: what do you meeean, "going around"?
BT: not that i'm WORRIEEED.
BT: i meeean i gueeess i should beee worrieeed, but my lusus is geeetting old.
BT: if ANYTHING kills heeer it'll beee ageee.
PPA: Parheps. Parheps not.
PPA: There heav been... ohter deaths.
PPA: Mine has... dippaseared.
PPA: Semothing is chagning.
CSS: I saved the corpse.
CSS: Might eat it later.
AP: Good, to see. You are taking. It well.
CURRENT melancholicChumly [CMC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo-
CMC: Tick tick!
CMC: RunninG\ out of time!
AP: Hey. I don't, know. What to do, with that thing.
CMC: S\o, inS\tea/) of thinkpanS\torminG\, you S\hit aroun/) on thiS\ memo?
AP: You have, even less. Reason, to be here.
AP: Back to the, alchemiter with you!
CMC: Oh, riG\ht.
CMC: S\orry to hear about your luS\uS\ Piron.
CMC: An/) you too S\caliS\.
CURRENT melancholicChumly [CMC] ceased responding to memo-

You cannot believe this guy sometimes. But, two other lusus deaths? That's a pretty big coincidence. Shit, no time to ponder!

> Caoway: Alchemize Cruxite.

You do just that. A dark sea green fishing pole appears right in your hands. The line leads right into the mouth of a fish flopping on the alchemiter.

Huh.

The fish flops off the platform and out the window. It's making a flail for the ocean! And now Leraje decides he's interested in your well-being.

> Caoway: First, start reeling in fish. Second, answer meddler.

You plant yourself against the alchemiter and begin reeling. You manage to also to free up your hand now and then to update Leraje on you status.

AP: Fine, I'm back. What did we make?
AP: Is that. A fishing pole?
AP: Oh look, you caught...something.
MC: No S\hit.
MC: Finny baS\tar/)'S\ puttinG\ up one hell of fiG\ht.
MC: I /)on't even know why I'm /)oinG\ thiS\.
MC: IS\ thiS\ pro/)uctive?

This fish continues to flail, somehow gaining it more and more slack. It's slowly descending towards the pounding surf. you try to reel it in but the pole simply won't let you. It's like it has half a mind of it's own, kinda like Zebrek. And it's really pissing you off, sort of like Zebrek.

> Caoway: Ask server for assistance.

MC: Urk, thiS\ S\tupi/) pole iS\n't workinG\ right.
MC: It'S\ G\oinG\ to G\et away!
MC: Lera/je, catchyeG\rabbit!
AP: Alright just...let me.
AP: Oh, dammit.
AP: I can't interact, with thing's. You are, interacting with...
MC: /)ammit, thiS\ iS\ S\o S\tupi/)!

Outside, the cruxite fish descends closer and closer to freedom.

> Caoway: Don't get frustrated!

Like hell you won't!

MC: I /)on't have time for thiS\!
MC: Why the fuck can't I reel it in?
MC: I lan/) S\ea monS\terS\ all the time an/) I juS\t ate S\ome weir/) alien plant from a /)umb can!
AP: What...is your deal. With fish, anyway?
AP: I mean...even Piron doesn't. Hunt them, like you. Do.
AP: It is like, you have...a vendetta or something.
MC: IS\ now the time to be aS\kinG\ thiS\?
AP: I'm...just trying. To understand. Why you don't. Just.
AP: Let. It. Go.

> Caoway: Listen to friend.

No go, bro.

MC: Why S\houl/) I?
MC: NothinG\ that S\wimS\ in the water haS\ ever G\iven me a break.
AP: And that's it? That is...why you. Are sitting here, using your last moments. Breathing fighting a fish?
AP: Because you might have been. Abused, by the waterborne?
AP: Oh boo hoo.
AP: YOU ARE ABOUT TO FUCKING DIE.

A red glow fills the window. The meteor impact is imminent. The fish can practically taste the water. Your friend is berating you about your sea-life prejudice. This night officially sucks bone bulge.

AP: Think, you fool.

> Caoway: Now listen to friend.

Well, that struck a nerve. You're about to die, why not spend your final moments exercising your weakest attribute?

Leraje says to just let it go but... is that really what you are supposed to do? If he's wrong, the fish gets away and you're dead. Gone. Just like that. But if you're wrong, you'll waste all your time trying to do the exact opposite of this requires. And then, you're dead anyways.

And if you're dead, you can't complete the chain. Sharl won't be able to get in. And you did say to yourself that your friends need you in the future, that probably won't stop being something that's true will it?

What can you do?

Well, there is that.

MC: You're right.
MC: I am a fool.

> Caoway: Be the fool.

You accede some line and quickly move around so that the line wraps around the pedestal on the alchemiter. You position yourself with your back facing the window and grip the line. You close your eyes... and jump backwards out the window.

The fish is nearly touching the water when suddenly it is yanked back up. You open your eyes again as you rappel downwards with alarming speed. You see the cruxite fish on the other end of the line, ascending upwards. This stupid idea may actually work. You swing over the fish's half of line and grip both of them. The line cuts into your palm but you begin to slow.

Finally, you and the fish stop halfway between the hive on the cape and the surf below and hang there. You move both lines to one hand. With your free hand you reach out and grab the fish. It wiggles uselessly in you clutch and gasps for breath. It stares into your eyes, and you stare into its.

Then, you quickly move it's mouth over to your other hand and... carefully push the hook out with your thumb and index finger.

CAOWAY: Can't let you G\o back into the /)rink, towinG\ a fiS\hinG\ pole with your mouth.
CAOWAY: Well, off with ye then.

You lob the fish, so that it goes in well past the rocks. As soon as you let it fly, the pole and line disappear. You quickly brandish own your pole and line and hook it onto the ledge. The line pulls taut and you dangle just above the surf.

> Timer: Run out of numbers that aren't zero.

00 : 00 : 00 : 00

You look up and watch helplessly as the meteor closes in on you.

Bard The 5th LW

01-14-2011, 08:58 PM

>[s (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyVKok_FzTY)]Caoway: Enter

Moments before the meteor, at its critical velocity, is about to touch down upon Caoway's lone shanty, it was held at bay by a large mass of blue and white clouds disrupting the sky. A large Impact could be heard, but Caoway found himself safe from destruction.

Almost as soon as they appeared, the clouds dispersed and vanished, revealing a softly colored sky strewn with green. The air smeeled and tasted of salt, and the movemetns and crashes of waves could be heard from below. In fact, they could be seen from below as well.

OH GOD THOSE ROCKS ARE SHARP. FOR THE LOVE OF JEGUS LET THE WIRE HOLD.

It appeared the hook was planted onto the ground above. It was a long way up to what appeared to be a plateau made from Caoway's property. However, it was a much longer way down to the bottom. No obvious way up was in sight either. Out of the frying pan and into the oven it seems.

>HANG IN THERE GRUB.

Arcanum

01-15-2011, 02:04 AM

> HANG IN THERE GRUB

Current Reztek pays no heed to your words of support. Nothing can console him right now. You could probably put a bucket on his head like some twisted sicko and he wouldn't even react. It's kind of pathetic really.

> Be Future Reztek, the one who's doomed but isn't a total pansy

Future Reztek is currently on another crazy journey that's so unbelievably amazing that if you saw what he was up to then you would probably stop caring about all other Rezteks. Here's a hint though: it involves surfing a meteor. Sounds awesome right?

> Yeah it does. But can we move this along?

Ok sure, just do that arrow thingy.

=======>

Some time in the past, but technically in the present from the point of view of everyone who isn't Future Reztek.

> Wait is that bit of exposition really necessary?

Less questions, more arrow thingy.

=======>

You are now Reztek again, precisely eleven minutes and two seconds after the death of Shelly. In case it wasn't clear this is the wimpy baby one that you can't command because he's an emotional wreck. But maybe something will happen soon that will snap him out ofBOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

> Reztek: Snap out of your pathetic coma and realize there was some kind of explosion

You do just that and proceed with the thought "What the hell was that?" Truth be told it almost sounded like a meteor hit your hive. How you know what that would sound like is kind of odd, but you have more important things to worry about, like the meteor that just hit your hive. Maybe you should go investigateOHMYGOD WHAT THE HELL?

=======>

There's... there's a bleeding you standing in the doorway of your respite block. He is missing an arm, bleeding pretty badly, and has numerous other cuts and bruises possibly from riding a meteor into a hive. It's all rather horrifying, and you feel like you're about to freak the fuck out.

=======>

FEO: Dont FreaK out
FEO: I knoW whaT it lOoks Like, Just Dont FreaK out
CEO: YourE me
FEO: RighT... sorT of
CEO: How aRe yoU me?
FEO: SorrY i doNt haVe tiMe foR a loNg stOry
FEO: Im juSt heRe to Tell You
FEO: Stop ActiNg liKe a lEgleSs grUb anD man The fUck uP
CEO: But
FEO: No
FEO: You dOnt gEt to Talk Yet, tHereS no tIme
FEO: Suck It up And lIsteN to wHat i Have To saY
FEO: TerGum iNvitEd yoU to jOin hIs sgRub tEam, And uNlesS you Want To diE you ShouLd acCept The iNvitE

=======>

You then proceeded to tell yourself the basics of SGRUB and why it would be extremely dumb not to play. He also dropped an ominous hint that may or may not have hinted that Shelly wouldn't stay dead for too long. Here's a hint to what that hint may or may not have been hinting: she's not going to stay dead for long. You are genuinely shocked and surprised by this startling revelation.

=======>

CEO: Ok i gEt it
CEO: But aRe yoU goiNg to Be ok? YourE bleEdinG a loT
FEO: No
FEO: Im doOmed But yOu arEnt
FEO: You wIll uNderStanD eveNtuaLly, bUt yoU donT becOme mE
CEO: What?
FEO: No tiMe leFt to ExplAin
FEO: Get tO the Sub-bAsemEnt, iM aboUt to Do soMethIng iNcreDiblY stuPid aNd heRoic

> Future Reztek: Be incredibly stupid and heroic

As Reztek runs past you on his way to the sub-basement you enter his respite block and get to work. This will be tricky to do with only one arm, but you think you can make it work. First you check the wall of amps and make sure they are all connected properly and plugged in, which of course they are. It may be an impromptu doomsday device, but they're still amps and amps deserve to be powered, regardless of how dangerous they might be.

> Reztek: Find a suitable instrument

With one arm your options are pretty limited, but you think you have just the thing. You dash to a nearby room and return with a microphone in hand and quickly plug it into the Universal Jack at the base of the Wall of Amps.

> Reztek: Crank it up to eleven

What?! No way! You're trying to be a hero here, not obliterate the countryside. No let's start with a sound check first. You turn the dial up to a measly 3 and prepare for the worst.

=======>

Oh and by "sound check" you meant "psychic resonance check." The resulting psychic shock wave blasts the opposite wall and ceiling off into the distance. It's a good thing you started your psychic resonance with the sound waves in front of you instead of at their source, because you doubt you would have survived that.

> Reztek: Look up

You gaze sky-ward and set your sights on a meteor you were looking at not too long ago, only back then it was on a display. Yes this is the second meteor of interest, one that would prematurely hit your hive and create another doomed time line. Frankly you've had enough of those, and it's about time you stopped one from happening instead of going out of your way to make one. The meteor seems pretty close, so you'll only have one, maybe two chances to do this right.

> Reztek: Double it up

The dial gets cranked up to six and you let loose one of your most hardcore screamochestrock (screamo orchestral rock) screams. Actually you're mostly just screaming in pain and frustration, but it's essentially the same thing. All of your efforts are focused on channeling your psychic powers, and at these volumes it's hard enough to start the resonance safely in front of you, let alone keeping it stable at such staggering distances while trying to hit a meteor. However you keep at it for a few seconds before dropping to the floor gasping for breath.

> Reztek: Look up, hope for the best

Oh shit. It didn't work. The meteor is still heading straight for you. This isn't good.

> [S (http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/clockwork-sorrow)] Reztek: Double or nothing

You crank the one universal dial up to twelve. You're not even sure why you had that installed, but it seems like it's finally going to be useful. There won't be any hope for safety at this volume, all you can do is try to channel the damage away from the hive. A smile crosses your face as you stare up at the fiery rocky death hurtling towards you. You had a good run for a doomed copy, and at least you're going out doing something good. You're not going to botch this up either; you're going to wait until the meteor is right on top of you before you sign out. You even have the perfect line for what will surely be a devastating act.

> Reztek: Save Reztek, preserve the time line, be a hero

FEO: Glub

Loyal

01-15-2011, 07:45 PM

> Be someone less heroic and less doomed.

You are now Burgun.

> ...Yeah, okay. Proceed.

You've just finished reading the guide Leraje sent you, and you are a bit out of sorts right now. You are suddenly acutely aware that the game you are to play isn't FLARP at all, but rather some super-armageddon which will wipe out everything on the planet. Who knew?

It's a little unbelievable that someone would MAKE such a game, but you wouldn't put it past some jackass to try it just because he could. You've heard some rumors about some "til-death" programming language that allows for some terrifying stuff. Plus, it would explain the sudden meteor showers.

Hey, it's not like you stand to gain anything by disbelieving it at this point.

On the plus side, this "not-dying-in-SGrub-for-assholes guide" says that those who partake in the game will be spared the apocalypse. Perhaps you can use this to your advantage?

http://i887.photobucket.com/albums/ac77/Loyal_AA_Sprites/UnrelatedImages/Trollslum/e35986dc.png

You captchalogue your laptop in your WALLET MODUS make your way downstairs to what passes for a living room. It's where you keep most of the furnishings you DO have. Sylvia has trouble with stairs, so if you want to keep something away from her ruinous paws, this is the place for it.

> Plot! Plot like your life depended on it!

http://i887.photobucket.com/albums/ac77/Loyal_AA_Sprites/UnrelatedImages/Trollslum/46f124d8.gif

Right, okay. Game-face time. You've already got an in for this game, so there's nothing further you can do to ensure your own safety until your new friend Piron connects to you. You believe you should take some time to get the word, and this game, out to your acquaintances. Hopefully it'll spread from there.

> Contact the green-blooded girl from before.

Of course. Neethe Clodle, your matesprit. Never much of a fighter, but she's a proficient FABRICATOR and can work miracles with her needles. She's always been the most social of your acquaintances, primarily due to not having muscles for brains like the majority of your social circle.

You place your laptop on the nearby counter and start chatting her up.

PESTERLOG:
brutalTrifecta [BT] began trolling harmoniousStitch [HS]
BT: neeetheee, bit of a SITUATION.
HS: Oh=I-knew-it=
HS: I-knew-you-were-getting-into-trouble=
BT: what?
BT: oh, no, no!!!
BT: not that. worseee.
BT: haveee you beeen geeeting MEEETEEEOR showeeers reeeceeently?
HS: Why=yes=How-did-you-know=
HS: Please-tell-me-you-aren=t-responsible-somehow=
BT: nothing likeee that, loveee.
BT: but i haveee it on good authority that it's only going to geeet WORSEEE.
BT: likeee, eeend of theee WORLD worseee. >:-(
HS: Some-of-the-impacts-have-wiped-out-some-nearby-hiveblocks=
HS: I-admit-I=ve-taken-shelter-underground=
HS: But-is-it-really-all-that-bad=
BT: i BEEELIEEEVEEE so.
BT: but i may haveee a solution.
BT: theee meeeteeeors, i think, weeereee calleeed by a GAMEEE madeee by someee assholeee.
BT: but this sameee gameee is also a TICKEEET to salvation, if you can win it.
HS: This-is-not-the-sort-of-thing-one-should-joke-about=Burgun=
BT: i WISH i could makeee this up.
BT: look, i'veee alreeeady gotteeen myseeelf into a group for theee gameee.
BT: (theee sameee group that was supposeeed to beee for theee sparring circleee, go figureee)
BT: what i neeed you to do is takeee theee gameee i'm about to seeend to you, reeead theee guideee it comeees with, and start up your own seeession!!!
brutalTrifecta [BT] sent harmoniousStitch [HS] file "Sgrub_remastered.texe" and file "Not_dying_in_Sgrub_for_assholes_v0.01.ttxt"
HS: Wait=
HS: Can=t-I-just-join-yours=
HS: I-would-like-to-be-there-with-you=
BT: so do i.
BT: but it's COMPLICATEEED.
BT: basically, theee moreee PLAYEEERS in a singleee seeession, theee longeeer it takeees to start up.
BT: and timeee is not on our sideee.
BT: weee alreeeady have EEEIGHT peeeopleee in this oneee, myseeelf includeeed.
BT: but what i neeed you to do is IMPORTANT.
BT: start your own seeession, and teeell as many peeeopleee about theee gameee as you can, so theeey can start theeeirs.
BT: i think that's theee beeest way to saveee as many trolls as possibleee.
HS: ===
BT: neeetheee?
HS: Alright=
HS: I=ll-do-it=
HS: Not-that-I=ve-anything-better-to-do-while-I-wait-out-the-meteors=
HS: But-you-had-better-be-right-about-all-this=
HS: For-both-our-sakes=
BT: yeeeah. i know that. >:-\
BT: maybeee onceee weee'veee WON weee'll beee ableee to seee eeeach otheeer again.
BT: until theeen, weee'll just both haveee to keeep on LIVING.
HS: Yeah=Okay=
HS: Anything-else-I-should-do=
BT: no, that should beee all.
BT: good luck, neeetheee, and don't dieee!!!
HS: Same-to-you=
BT: <3
HS: Heart=
brutalTrifecta [BT] ceased trolling harmoniousStitch [HS]
http://i887.photobucket.com/albums/ac77/Loyal_AA_Sprites/UnrelatedImages/Trollslum/659c001d.png

That seems to be about the extent of what you can do for her. You'll have to hope she can handle the rest from here. But there's still more than you can do.

> Contact the Alternian Fleet!

Right. The fleet would surely want to know that their home planet is being bombarded by meteors. Maybe they can render aid, or at least destroy the meteors that have yet to enter the atmosphere.

Now that you think of it, the second option is more likely. The only aid they'd ever render is to make sure the mother grub is intact. Survival of the fittest and all that, and if you can't dodge a meteor, then you aren't fit to survive.

You open up a Trollian window and begin chatting with the sergeant whom appraised your ability before.

brutalTrifecta [BT] began trolling tunguskaReloaded [TR]
BT: sir, i haveee teeerribleee NEEEWS!!!
TR: whaT The hell aRe you calling me back so soon foR, gRub!
BT: MEEETEEEORS are bombarding theee planeeet, sir!
TR: i am fully awaRe of ThaT, gRub.
TR: Those few ships in alTeRnian oRbiT ThaT haven'T been desTRoyed by The showeRs aRe RaTheR oveRwhelmed.
TR: unTil we can ReinfoRce The aRea you'll jusT have To bunkeR down and deal wiTh iT.
BT: but sir, i'veee heeeard that theee meeeteeeors are going to just keeep geeetting worseee till theeey SCOUR THEEE PLANEEET.
BT: i don't know how much TIMEEE weee'veee got.
TR: unless you've goT pRoof of ThaT, i advise you To sTay away fRom such heResay.
TR: aT any RaTe, necessiTy isn'T gonna make Those Relief ships come any fasTeR.
TR: so gRow a neRvous column and soldieR on, gRub!
BT: yeees, sir.
tunguskaReloaded [TR] ceased trolling brutalTrifecta [BT]

Okay, so that was completely useless. You guess you'll just have to trust that the fleet can minimize damage while there's still damage to minimize.

> Install SGrub.

Probably a good idea. It'd be ideal to be prepared for when Piron and Leraje are ready to connect with you. But you've got a little time before the installation completes.

> Kill time by watching the meteor showers. Look into another troll's well-being while we wait.

Dracorion

01-16-2011, 01:59 AM

>Kill time by watching the meteor showers. Look into another troll's well-being while we wait.

You are now looking at Zebrek.

>Zebrek: Wake up.

You can't give Zebrek any commands because you're not him! You're only looking at him.

>First, be Zebrek. Second, wake up.

You are now Zebrek. And awake!

You passed out after holding your breath in frustration and not being allowed to play the game.

>Repost chatlogs.

No, they've already been posted once, and you can't be bothered to keep track of all the things you've said.

>Zebrek: Hold breath.

Your course of action is crystal clear. You must hold you brea- wait, crystals? Oh right, your friend Piron has crystals. And you said you'd ask another of your friends for an air supplying suit so you could visit her in her underwater hive and look at her collection.

> Troll Derpah.

spectacularHellion [SH] began trolling technopathicAnomaly [TA]

SH: whats up aldurin
SH: listen dude i need an air supplying suit do you have one i can borrow please please
TA: plEAsE spEcIfY
TA: dO yOU mEAn lIkE A sImplE brEAthIng mAsk Or A fUll-scAlE dIvIng/spAcE sUIt?
SH: i dunno whatever works i wanna go underwater to visit pirons hive you know and i cant breathe underwater
TA: . . .
TA: ArE yOU sUrE thAt's rEmOtElY sAfE?
TA: I'vE hEArd thIngs AbOUt hEr,
TA: EAch rEpOrt Is AlOng thE lInEs Of A sErIAl kIllEr
SH: naw shes nice so can i can i
TA: yOU dO UndErstAnd thE dAngErs Of bEIng UndErwAtEr, EvEn wIthOUt hEr thErE, rIght?
SH: sure you know wild beasties or whatever
TA: bUt yOUr strIfE Is A shOtgUn, thOsE dOn't fIrE UndErwAtEr
SH: naw its cool mine works underwater its awesome like that
TA: . . .
TA: sO yOUr shOtgUn
TA: whIch hAs mOIstUrE-sEnsItIvE cIrcUItry
TA: cAn fIrE UndErwAtEr
SH: yeah it can its awesome
TA: scrEw It
TA: I'll gO AhEAd And OUtfIt A sUIt fOr yOUr hOrn shApe
TA; It'll prObAblY stAy IntAct As lOng As It's In yOUr AUrA Of DOEsn't MAkE SEnsE
TA: I'll gEt It tO IrOphA In A dAy Or twO fOr dElIvErY
SH: thanks a lot dude youre awesome youre the best
TA: yOU knOw whAt, I'll EvEn lEt yOU kEEp thE sUIt
TA: cOnsIdEr It A gIft
SH: duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudeeeee youre awesome thanks thanks thanks thansk sooo cooool
TA: yOUr wElcOmE

technopathicalAnomaly [TA] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

>======>

Now that that's done, you should get back to the game. Gorrma and Glissa may be silly dummies who don't want to connect with you, but that doesn't mean you can't start by captchaloguing any items from your cave that might be useful.

You prepare to draw on your Pictionary Modus!

>Draw microscope.

You attempt to draw a microscope from your collection.

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d13/fjgca17/pict1.jpg

>======>

You get a ghost image of an Alternian Devilhound!

>Try again.

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d13/fjgca17/pict2.jpg

You try again and get a ghost image of an Alternian Devilhound Alpha. Joy.

>Draw dragon plush.

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d13/fjgca17/pict3.jpg

You attempt to draw one of your dragon plushes. Fortunately, your modus buys it this time.

>Draw something awesome!

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d13/fjgca17/pict4.jpg

HELL YES.

You get a ghost image of... a zombie bard shooting a guy in the face with a cannon-gator?

What the hell is this?

>Who cares? Draw something else!

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d13/fjgca17/pict5.jpg

You get a ghost image of the KRINGLEFUCKER. It's the prettiest tree you've ever seen.

>Zebrek: Draw a rocket!

You draw a fucking awesome rocket!

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d13/fjgca17/pict6.jpg

It turns into... the ghost image of a rocket dildo?

Ewwwwwwww...

>Draw the code for the rocket dildo.

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d13/fjgca17/pict7.jpg

You have no idea why you did this!

It turns into a ghost image of Seth Rogen!

>Zebrek: Get trolled.

You're getting trolled! How exciting! You hurry over to your husktop.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

AC: :33 < *ac perks up curiously*
AC: :33 < *she wiggles her rear end a bit and then chases something she s33s bounce into one of zebreks shoes*
SH: *sh smiles and does a great big awww and bends over to scratch ac behind the ears*
AC: :33 < *ac starts using zebreks leg as a scratching pole*
SH: *sh picks her up and takes her behind the woodshed and gives her a great big hug*
AC: :33 < *ac playfully scratches his face*
SH: *sh pouts and takes her back inside and gives her all the catfood she could possibly want*
AC: :33 < *ac happily eats all the food*
AC: :33 < *yum! she says purring*
SH: *sh scratches her behind the ears some more and hugs her and spoils her*
AC: :33 < heehee ok i think were purrfect
AC: :33 < how have you b33n?
AC: :33 < play any good games lately?
SH: hey ive been good how about you ive had some fun games and im supposed to play this really cool game with my friends as soon as they tell me when to start what about you
AC: :33 < thats good!
AC: :33 < im supposed to play a game with my friends too actually!
AC: :33 < oh look at that one of my friends is trolling me right now
AC: :33 < purrchance it has to do with the game so i should b33 going
SH: ok have fun ill see you around lets play some more later
AC: :33 < purrhaps!
AC: :33 < *ac waves zebrek goodbye and purrs happily after a fun day with her friend*
SH: *sh waves back and watches her take off*

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

>Be the other troll.

Geminex

01-16-2011, 03:34 PM

> You are now past-

HE WILL REGRET THIS. BLASPHEMY WILL NOT GO UNPUNISHED; ANOMALIES WILL NOT BE PERMITTED. HE WILL PAAAAAAAAY.

Past Scalis is too angry for you to be him!

> Be him anyway.

Oh allright then. You are now past Scalis.

> What would Jegus do?
You know what Jegus would do.You researched that book, you wrote it! You went through ancient tome upon ancient tome to rediscover the long-forgotten tales of the Sanguine Redeemer's Exploits. You ventured into the depths of the library to find what remained of the Ancient Scriptures. You learned everything about him, everything you could, simply to write that Tome. And that foolish wriggler defiled it. You know very well what Jegus would do.

> Do that, then.

Oh, you fully intend to.

Your eyes dart around the shadowy hall, vengeful, searching. There are orange edges to your vision, and your headache feels like it's flaring up again, but that is, at this point, irrelevant. Your anger is keeping it at bay, and your vision seems so much more... clear... than usual. You're acutely aware of the room around you, of the rough surface of the rock floor, the grain of the shelves' wood, the scraps of paper near one exit...

A cold smile flits across your lips as you rise from your crouch and head through the exit, intitally at a brisk, dignified walk, then, as your anger grows, at a full-pelt sprint. You lose your slippers somewhere behind you, but now is not a time for stereotypes. Or dignity. You come across a ladder leaning against a shelf and scramble up. Then you continue running, across the tops of the shelves this time. The trail of scraps has long since petered out, but somehow... somehow you know where you'll find your victim. You feel him ahead of you, somewhere in the dark gloom of the library. He has a head start, but you're catching up fast. Your strides are long as you run and leap across shelves, bypassing the winding aisles.

The wind at your back has been accompanying you since you began running, cooling, comforting, helping you keep control of yourself. You notice that the closer you get to your goal, the stronger it seems. And the rustling of pages is getting louder. You realize that you're not alone here. The library's here with you. It guides you, directs you against this blight upon it. It wants the Anomaly dead, and it's using you to do it.

But you're 0kay with that. Right now, you'd be 0kay with lots of things, as long as they involve venegance. And knowing that this is truly your duty, and not just a feud... that gives you all the more resolve. A resolve that only strengthens as you realize exactly where your sense is guiding you. Sweeps ago, you divided your hive into sections, to make it easier to map. And while the further reaches remain impossible to accurately navigate, and aisles seem to shift with annoying frequency, some sections remain mostly stable. Among them is this one. You've even managed to number the study halls. The stinking evidence of his blasphemy is laying in the centre of Section 1, hall 11. And right now, your enraged dash is bringing you ever closer to Section 1, Hall 12.

Your teeth clench. You've built some devices there. Your memory overwhelms you sometimes, weakens your mind, makes you lose control. You've been experimenting with ways to keep it at bay... and lighting is one of the, your blackened horns can attest to that. You've traded for materials and devices with some of your friends, and it has cost you... if he demolishes those as well... Once again you leap, from one shelf to another, the wind at your back letting you breach the gap. You land, roll, come to your feet fluidly, ready to continue on-

Only to realize that you've found your target. You've overlooking the hall, illuminated by a dozen interconnected metal-and-glass orbs. A bright glow emits from them, the glow of tamed lightning and running current. Many a night you've spent here, tinkering, listening to the lightning strike, channeling it, using it. Keeping the tide of memory at bay. Not forgetting, you can't forget, but keeping yourself... ordered. In the here and now. These are important to you.

Or would be, if the Anomaly wasn't destroying them one by one.

> Address the Anomaly
pandorasArchivist [PA] started trolling spectacularHellion [SH]
PA: What.
PA: What did you doooooooo.

Arhra

01-18-2011, 05:29 AM

IROPHA: > Wake up.

Unnnh.

> Wake up Iro!

Aunnnh.

> WAKE UP!

Your head hurts. You ache all over. Where, where are you? How did you get here?

> Look around.

You're in a cavern. The walls are thick with ice, their hazy translucency marred with red sparks, the dim light from above concetrated in the cracks within. The walls curve upward meeting at a jagged hole in the icy ceiling above you. That is obviously how you got in here.

Looks like you won again, gravity!

A pea sized red light is in the sky.

A meteor? Already? How long have you been unconscious?

> Rise up.

You find that unexpectedly difficult to do. Your ankle is broken.

The fake one, fortunately.

> Check pager.

This thing is going crazy!

> Review conversation with Gorrma

-- hastyExecutor [HE] began trolling omnipotentOmnivore [OO] --
HE: HEY GORM^^^^^^^!!!
HE: I H^vE SOME GOURMET PIES FROM ^ >ELIvERY TH^T SOMEONE >I>N'T W^NT
HE: WOUL> YOU LI|<E TO TRY SOME?![/QUOTE]
OO: !!!
OO: would i ever!
OO: wow. i dunno why anyone wouldn't want a delivery of piesh. that'sh jusht crazy-talk.
OO: but then, i've learned that not everyone hash tashtesh ash refined ash mine. ]:-/
OO: kinda weird, i know, but it'sh true. shome people jusht can't
OO: appreciate food like i can. life musht be really boring for them.
OO: like a while ago, i wash talking to aldurin and he shaid that--
OO: !!!
OO: oh! that remindsh me! i might have shome shtuff for you to deliver to shome
OO: friendsh of mine, if you have time!!
OO: depending on what i can get accomplished here today. ]:-\
HE: GRE^T! I'LL BE THERE ^S SOON ^S I C^N!
-- hastyExecutor [HE] stopped trolling OmnipotentOmnivore [OO] --

You don't remember saying that.

> Check update by ally.

-- burlesqueBalderdash[BB] began trolling hastyExecutor[HE] --

BB:O>o iropha STOP
BB:O>o the preparations are complete STOP
BB:O>o it is time for the pies STOP
BB:O>o i trust that you have handled my 40 pies with care STOP
BB:O>o even the slightest of mishandling will render them inadequate for proper pile dynamics STOP
BB:O>o also make sure they are not cakes STOP
BB:O>o people seem to have trouble with that STOP
HE: SORRY TO |<EEP YOU W^ITING
HE: THERE'S BEEN ^ SLIGHT PROBLEM!
HE: I SEEM TO H^vE F^LLEN OFF ^ CLIFF ^N> BRO|<EN MY LEG
HE: BUT REST ^SSURE> THE M^IL WILL GET THROUGH!
HE: ^N> vINT^G, YOU |<NOW PERFECTLY WELL TH^T I C^N ONLY GIvE YOU TWENTY PIES!
HE: TH^T'S ^S M^NY ^S TWO TENS, NOT FOUR!!!
HE: IF YOU NEE> MORE TH^N TH^T, TRY SPE^|<ING TO GORRM^

> Discuss other business.

butketHed - began trolling hastyExecutor [HE]-
BH: Iropha, I'm in dire need of your assistance! :ohdear:
BH: I recently recieved two orders. Both of them being a considerable task. :sweatdrop
BH: One being a oven, oversized class to be delivered to Gorma. The other being a delicate shipment of medical supplies to be sent to Nasyrl.
BH: I'm already going mad getting everything all ready. :aaa:
BH: Can I count on your assistance to deliver them posthaste?
HE: THE POST IS ^LW^YS >ELIvERE> WITH H^STE!!!
HE: >I>N'T ME^N TO LEAvE YOU H^NGING
HE: H^> ^N ^CCI>ENT
HE: EvERYTHING'S UN>ER CONTROL NOW THOUGH
HE: I'LL BE THERE SOON

[b]> Speak with asshat.

-- antipathicHopper [AH] began trolling hastyExecutor [HE]--
AH: Hey.
AH: W[]r|_d's ending.
AH: Wanna |_ive?
AH: Then p|_ay a ga^^e with ^^e.
AH: Up f[]r it?
HE: I H^vE SOME THINGS TO >ELIvER
HE: ^N>, H^H^, I'vE F^LLEN BEHIN> SCHE>ULE
HE: BUT ^FTER TH^T, SURE

> Summarise situation.

You have roughly half a dozen things to deliver, a very long way to travel, a broken leg and a pressing deadline in meteor form.

> Wipe that grin off your face.

NEvER!!!

WE ARE DOING THIS MAN

WE ARE MAKING THIS HAPPEN

Dracorion

01-23-2011, 12:01 AM

> Be the Blasphemer

You are now Troll Jugas, many sweeps ago. You have just sold out your lord and savior, Troll Jegus, for thirty gallons of assorted lusus blood to take part in many dark rituals in honor of the HORROTERRORS OF THE FURTHEST RING. With this you can finally summ-

> CAN WE PLEASE JUST BE SOMEONE WHO CAN TELL US WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

You are now Dracorion.

> GODFUCKINGDAMMIT

What's that? I can't hear you over all the meta I'm going here. But this isn't nearly meta enough.

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d13/fjgca17/crap.gif

You are now Dracorion writing about going more meta writing about going more meta writing about going more meta writing about going more meta writing about going more meta writing about going more meta writing about going more meta writing about going more meta writing about going more meta writing about going more meta ad infinitum.

There, you can't go any more meta than that.

Unless...

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H!!!!!!!

You are now God.

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d13/fjgca17/crap.gif

You are willing one of your subjects going by the internet handle of Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion to write about God willing Dracorion ad infinitum.

Now it's an infinite recursive loop of meta.

>

Hey, what's up with you guys?

>

You doin' okay?

>

Hang on, lemme get my fourth wall over here and see what's wrong.

>

Ooof! This thing is heavy. Lemme just turn it on aaaannddd...

>

Oh, you just had to hang yourselves, didn't you? Couldn't take a little meta?

You blubbering goddamn pussies.

>

Alright, alright.

> Readers: Be alive.

> You are now alive.

Huh, that was pretty cool. Let's have some fun.

> Readers: Dance like idiots.

> You dance like idiots.

> Readers: Squawk like a parrot and shit on your desk.

> You squawk like a parrot and shit on your desk.

Okay, that's enough fun. Let's move on.

> Readers: Type "> Be past Scalis"

...

...

...

...

> Be past Scalis
Scalis it still too angry for you to be him!

> Be him anyway
No, seriously. Not possible.

> Be past Zebrek
Zebrek is too busy breaking Scalis' stuff for you to be him.

> Be... someone else, then?
There's just Scalis and Zebrek here.
And the Watcher.

> Be the Watcher.
You try to be the Watcher. As much as you can be him, anyway. Her. It.
You exist. But who, what, when, where, why you are... that's something you don't even know. Something that doesn't matter.
All there is is fears to ask, doth teach to be deny'd memory. What is. What will be. That is what you are. Glimpses of minds, of pasts, of presents, of emotions and struggles shall achieve in time what...

> Watch
Watch what when who?

> Remember, then.
You remember.

Remember the Servant, who guards, will guard.
Flying on wings of rage, your applause urging him on.
You Will nothing, but you know, knew Before you contradict, good reader, what he must do, what must take place. You It is innocent caused it. And he unless found guilty heard.
You remember how he will hunt. You remember his words. tinged by rage.

pandorasArchivist [PA] started trolling spectacularHellion [SH]
PA: What.
PA: What did you doooooooo.
SH: heeeeeeey scalis whats up why do you look angry
PA: YOU.
PA: You deflied it!
PA: STOP!
SH: oh is this all yours this stuff is pretty cool
PA: DON'T!
PA: Do not break it, do not touch it, do not know it!
PA: You aer a bilght upon my hiev and tihs will not be telorated!
PA: GET.
PA: OUT.
SH: dude whats got you so angry what is all this stuff anyway theyre pretty fun
PA: You must ask? You hostelny daer ask yuo worm?
PA: Thoes tihngs keep me saen! Yuo are distreyong my wokr!
PA: WHY?
SH: oh no you mean these arent toys im sorry scalis!
PA: GET OUT
PA: GET OUT
PA: GET OUT

The nothing more than worm meat---I just don't think about it when Anomaly.
He... defiled the memory. Killed part of you, a strong part, one of... a million but a part nonetheless.
And he does not aknowlege, he does not... remember. He child placed before natural phenomena which impress him like a fairy tale IS.
The Anomaly, the one who, at another place and time... you would remember differently.
But this is here and it is now...
Or, rather, isn't.
His touch careless, his mind... unaware, unforgivably unwarare, he... breaks, he destroys. Orbs of light in the darkness, made by the Servant, His. Now shattered.

> Remember the conflict.
The what?

> The STRIFE

A limit Patience has its limits passed, a restraint, broken. The Servant, mind ablaze with a cold rage, fanned by your currents, encouraged by your applause, he will attack. You... remember.
Leap at the Anomaly, strike, flail, part of you in his hand, not read, not kept, but used with lethal purpose. 'HOW TO ELIMINATE INTRUDERS FROM YOUR HIVE: AN ILLUSTRATRED GUIDE". Irrelevant, as they are all you and you are all them...
But fitting.

A rustling of paper, an overhead strike, quick, lethal, but...
All too slow, too ineffective, dodged by a quick nuisance, the Anomaly scared, confused, not knowing. Not When we remember we are all mad, the one who remembering.

More words, futile scraps of thought and mind, they go under beneath your presence, your being and your have-been, they cannot change what is bound to occur.

> Listen anyway

SH: dude whats up with you!
PA: If you do not konw, then, I am sorry to say, theer is no hepling you.
SH: but it was just a bunch of glass stuff!
PA: AND THE BOOK?
SH: umm what boo- ooooohhh
SH: well i really had to use the load gaper and i couldnt find it!
PA: I wroet that.
PA: Storytime, Moferthucker.

A fitting finish as you... push again, applaud louder, force it. You must. The Servant must, there is... no choice, not now, perhaps never was.
Another assault, leap, strike, again dodged.

Further defilation, now? then?, as the Anomaly defends, dares fight back, defying who you are... Though not what must be. Sadly.
Explosions in the darkness, a weapon, used, light, sound, shock. Lead flying through the air, breaking, destroying... more light in the darkness, the soothing orbs battered and broken, parts of you lacerated, all by one every rift of discovery holds a dark Anomaly.

And more. Orange blood, having spurted through the air, shining in the light of dying lightning. A wound. Minor, neglegible. But a wound nonetheless, by an Anomaly, to your Servant, if your... domain. More threat. More defiance.

Darkness, suddenly, lights flickering flashing, hiding your servant for just a... second?
No sign of him but orange stains on the ground and... noise, noise from up high. Climbing in the darkness, running along shelves, a servant knows the domain better than the Anomaly will ever have. Silent steps now, watching, hunting, waiting to... strike, both you and the servant, connected further in... need, need to destroy this one.
The Anomaly, still frightened, still confused, further ignorance, not... to be and he spake that the fallen would not be allowed forgiven.

A rustling from a shelf, your product, your act and the Servant's assistance as an Anomaly, turning around, weapon at ready, for further and said "you have no hope, no future, no defiance, further defilation. But he will regret. Eventually.
The distraction successful, the Anomaly, now the Prey, startled, vulnerable. A Servant's leap from a shelf up high, striking at Prey with a venegance, book still in hand, teeth bared in a snarl, unforgiving, feral. Your wind always at his back.

He does what must be done. His leap, succesful, but his strike avoided, if narrowly. Elegance forgotten, rage taking over completely. As it had to. A melee on the ground, a scuffle for control of Tome and Weapon, shots fired wildly, orbs smashing, lighting flashing, hot glass and lead slicing the air and the shelves, biting into... You, draining you, reducing you.
A struggle for control, desperate, savage, claws and teeth used, a shoulder bashed with a Tome, a Riflebutt almost breaking a horn, a struggle for survival.
And then a blow, a lucky blow, combatants suddenly apart, will reach for their weapons, have lunged.

A blast, loud... The Anomaly, weapon in hand, a desperate shot fired, smashing into the servant, blocked only by the Servant's Tome. The Servant, life saved by Your Fragment, now destroyed by the attack, thrown backwards, tumbling through the air... Another crash, a flash of light. A collision, the Servant smashing the last and grandest orb, a flash of light, a shock of thunder, power flowing over him and through him, shaking him, his hair singed, his skin blackened, his horns charred. His mind... changed, confused. Your bond with him, broken. A servant? Still. But not as devoted.
And memories... memories banished, for now, then, when? Nought but a bad dream.

The Anomaly leaves, still scared, still confused. But alive.

"Hatred stirs up disputes, but love covers all offenses."

mauve

01-26-2011, 02:26 PM

>[S] (http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/rhapsody-in-green) Go see what Gorrma is up to.

You are now GORRMA.

You stare at the scene before you in a sort of numbed haze. You were too late. The cooking apparatus has released its fury upon your KITCHEN BLOCK. The room and everything in it is a complete loss. Even... Oh no.
http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/9206/kitchend.png

You continue to stare at the solitary figure lying motionless on the floor.

Nommington hadn�t stood a chance.

> That sure is some crappily-drawn fire. And shouldn�t the blast have thrown the goat-thing across the room? And the oven door too, for that matter?

Command invalid. Please try again.

>Look around.

The room is on fire. The FLAMES are growing steadily larger, licking at the walls and ceiling. You don�t have much time before the entire KITCHEN BLOCK is consumed. What do you do?

>Quick! Open a window and call for help!

You don�t see any WINDOWS. There are no WINDOWS here.

>Run into the hallway and find a window.

There are no WINDOWS here either.

> FIND A WINDOW SOMEWHERE.
http://img684.imageshack.us/img684/5158/gorrmahouse.png

THERE ARE NO WINDOWS. You live UNDERGROUND. What part of "SUBTERRANEAN KITCHEN HIVE" don�t you understand?!?

> Go save Nommington.

You carefully push your way through the burning room, trying to get as close to your lusus as possible. That�s not easy.

It�s far too late to do anything for the old goat. You know that. By the looks of things, Nommington didn�t even get a chance to wake up from his nap before it was all over.

But that doesn�t stop you from trying.

OO: nommington?
OO: ...
OO: come on, you have to get out of here.
OO: ...
OO: nommington we have to go

It�s no use. You can�t even get close enough to him to carry him out of here.

But you might be able to CAPTACHLOGUE him.

> Captachlogue the dead goat-critter

You can�t leave him here. You have to.. take him with you, at least. This was never supposed to happen. He wasn�t supposed to...

OO: nommington�
OO: you can�t leave me alone here now
OO: i
OO: ...

You stop. The flames are getting closer.

OO: nommie
OO: i can�t become a famoush gourmancer
OO: if you aren�t there to cheer me on...

The light and smoke from the flames are stinging your eyes. It�s too bright. You can�t stay in here much longer.

> Enough with the drama! Captachlogue the freakin� thing already!

Nommington goes into your CHEF MODUS SYLLADEX. A ghostly RECIPE CARD appears, as Nommington goes into the ingredients bin as...

...

You know, you really don�t want to finish that sentence. You�re mentally scarred enough from this incident as it is.

The FLAMES are getting higher. It�s time to leave; shut the door behind you and let the fire burn itself out. There�s no other way.

http://img199.imageshack.us/img199/6671/gorrmaleaves2.png

You have everything that�s important, anyway.

> Gorrma: Eat burning cabinets.

No thanks. Suddenly... you�re not hungry.

====>

You find yourself wandering back to your HUSKTOP

You feel empty. Alone. Directionless.

You need to .. talk to someone. Yes. That idea pops into your head, and in your numbed state of mind, makes sense somehow.

There must be someone who knows what you�re going through. Someone who can help you in your time of need. Someone who knows what it�s like to lose a lusus long before its time.

But who?

>Troll Ballaa

Troll SHARL? Are you sure?

> ...what? No. Troll BALLAA.

Okay, if you say so. You decide to TROLL SHARL.

> I didn�t say--

He�s not answering.

You send another message. He�s still not answering.

Where is he? What could he possibly be doing that�s so important he ignores a friend in need? What the heck, Sharl?!?

http://img692.imageshack.us/img692/5047/poorsharl5.png

He�s probably off counting bottles of Medicinal Syrups of Questionable Origin or something stupid like that. And meanwhile you�re over here suffering over the loss your dearest friend.

====>

You feel completely alone.

You... don�t know what to do.
http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/4440/poortergum3.png

What do you do when you lose something important?
http://img713.imageshack.us/img713/4664/poorpiron2.png

When you have to make a horrible choice?
http://img27.imageshack.us/img27/7306/poorreztek2.png

When you have to take a responsibility you never wanted?
http://img710.imageshack.us/img710/3746/poorzebrek.png

When it hits you...
Everything that�s happened...
Was all your fault?
http://img209.imageshack.us/img209/5325/poorcaoway4.png

What do you do?
http://img716.imageshack.us/img716/6931/poorgorrma.png

> Be someone less depressing.

POS Industries

01-26-2011, 03:59 PM

>Be someone less depressing

You are now SOMEHOW Ballaa. The fact that Mr. MY LUSUS IS DEEEEAAAAAAAAAD fits this descriptor at the moment is mind-boggling and frightening. This particular revelation would hit you like a dose of gas from the Chemically Intimidating Avian Discouraging Straw Construct, if you were actually aware of the tearjerking chain of events going on with the rest of your teammates.

However, right now all you're aware of is that everyone is in the same amount of danger your friend Tergum has gotten himself into, and it looks like it's up to you to save the day, one troll at a time.

You wouldn't have it any other way.

>[S] (http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/phrenic-phever) Install

The SGRUB installation wwizard appears on the screen, and the seizure-inducing loading graphic begins flashing about doing its thing, the progress bar crawling along steadily at the bottom. As always, your Batcomputer proves more than reliable. Keeping on the bleeding edge of computing technology has naturally been the key to your successful(?) crimefighting career.

You're at 61.3% now, and it looks like someone's getting impatient.

>Answer Tergum.

antipathicHopper [AH] began trolling vengefulRodentia [VR]
AH: Hey, seeing as y[]u're ^^y server p|_ayer, we sh[]u|_d pr[]bab|_y get ar[]und t[] [[]nne[ting.
AH: I ^^ean, as ^^u[h as I'd |_[]ve t[] get [rushed by a ^^ete[]r, it'd s[]rt []f put an unti^^e|_y end t[] my di[tat[]rship.
VR: as... JUST... as letting you die would be...
VR: THAT level of justice... is not mine to dish out.
VR: installation is... commencing as we speak.
AH: G[][]d t[] kn[]w.
AH: []kay, as s[][]n as it's insta|_|_ed, we better hurry. ^^ete[]r's [[]^^ing fast.

======>

You don't have time to chat. Typing all those ellipses managed to waste enough time for the client to finish installing. SGRUB IS GO.

>Connect to Tergum.

Done and done. You are treated to what appears to be a live streaming video of his respiteblock. He's at his husktop, typing just as angrily as you'd expect. Actually, no. You expected... angrier, you guess? Something's amiss. Whatever it is, it's not as important as making sure he isn't turned to ash by meteors.

Speaking of...

>Check Alternian Planetary Emergency Channel Server

You log into the APECS and, as you expected, the whole thing is lit up with information about the incoming celestial death shower of death. It doesn't take much for you to get the satellite info for the meteors respective courses and compare them to the respective locations of your friends.

Tergum only has a few minutes. As does... Caoway. But he's apparently going to be taken care of by Laraje, who has roughly the same amount of time before impact than you do.

You quietly thank the internet for that always sobering information about how you're all going to die within the hour.

>Deploy shit

You open up a flurry of windows to various locations around Tergum's hive. There are a... LOT of stairs. You decide that, instead of lengthy explanations of where you're putting what, you merely copy the server client's interactive map of Tergum's hive and mark the locations of the cruxtruder, punch designix, totem lathe, and alchemiter to allow Tergum a quicker and easier reference when he has to run around like a maniac finding them, the latter machine you'll just go ahead and place at the bottom of the...

Oh.

======>

Your video feed of the base of the stair well shows what appears to be Tergum's lusus. This sight gives you more pause than you can really afford at the moment, and you resolve to remain personally detached from what is pretty much the hardest thing for you to personally detach yourself from. Fate of the world and all that.

Fate of the goddamn world...

...

You put the alchemiter elsewhere.

>Send Tergum the map

VR: CAPITI.
VR: your new... TOYS... are ready.
vengefulRodentia [VR] sent antipathicHopper [AH] file "batmap.bmp"
VR: ...hop to it.

======>

You don't give him a chance to respond, however. He should have everything under control long enough for you to work on your own survival, and you quickly switch to another Trollian window to contact your other immediate concern.

>Troll Iropha

vengefulRodentia [VR] began trolling hastyExecutor [HE]
VR: all right...
VR: you had better be... as FAST as you THINK you are...

>Be someone who is as fast as they think they are

Bard The 5th LW

01-28-2011, 09:12 PM

>Be someone who is as fast as they think they are

You are now Nasryl, and you were not fast enough.

You are currently screaming at a corpse the second time today, once again demanding that they don't die on you. The operating table is covered in the lemon shaded blood of your lusus as you attempt a belayed surgery on limited time. This is met with no success, and the makeshift RAINBOW TICKER shows that her heartrate is steadily dropping. You're running low on time!

>Be past Nasryl

You rewind about 15 minutes after Nasryl answered the Team Rocket memo. Currently, you are waiting in the LOBBY of your hospital, also called the ANTE-MORGUE by some residents on Alternia. At this moment, you are waiting for a report from your Lusus (and Nurse) Cathara. It is at this stage that she usually prepares the body in your ACTUAL MORGUE that you have located in the back of the building.

Why isn't she done by now? The patient's lusus will arrive soon! Oh Jegus... is she eating the corpse? It wouldn't be the first time that the greedy scavenger did it. Some doctors might allow their nurse/mortician to devour a deceased patient's mangled corpse, but you'll be damned if you tolerate that kind of conduct!

You quickly slam open the door and barge into the ACTUAL MORGUE, to find your lusus hovering over the corpse.

"Cathara! Again!?"

There is no response. You take another couple of steps forward, and shake Cathara violently to get her attention. You find that she is hacking, and asphyxiating due to a shard of SHRAPNEL you failed to remove from the corpse!

>Nasryl: Operate

That's precisely what you did! Now your at the operating table, Cathara's dying, and blood is everywhere! How... HOW does she even have this much blood! You can barely even tell that the sleeves of your doctor's outfit were once white!

>Put her down

NO! NEVER! You will not succumb to the ease of a mercy kill! You are a medical expert in training! How can you expect to be taken seriously if all your patients DIE?! You will persevere.

========>

We jump ahead to the future to find that you have failed. Her heartbeat is gone, and even the dead reflexes are fading. You have failed your duties as a doctor again.

>Nasryl: Brood

He seems to be doing that just fine without your help. How about we move on to someone else? How about Glissa! Where has she been?

>Glissa: Get trolled

While you are relaxing in front of your CAFFINATED BEVERAGE SLAB, you find that Trollian is going off. Using your husktop, you find that it is... Zebrek? What could he want? You have a feeling this discussion will bring bad news.

-- spectacularhellion [SH] began trolling bathorysIllustrator [BI] --
SH: hiiii gliissaaaaaaaaaa whats up how are you im your server player have you heard
BI: What
BI: Please juste repeat this for me.
BI: My think pan must have misprocessed somethinge.
SH: ummm hi how are you caoway said i was your server
BI: Caowaye?
BI: That really figures.
BI: I suppose there isn'te room for alteratione?
SH: i dont know i guess youd have to ask caoway but why do you want to change i dont mind being your server youre pretty cool!
BI: ?
BI: Do you really thinke so?
SH: yeah i do youre really smart and you have a lot of cool things and you can breathe underwater thats really cool
BI: I guesse thats nice of you to say.
BI: So whate do you know about this game? I read a little bit of Aldurins guide, but I don't wante to give him the satisfactione of readinge it all.
BI: Woulde never have thought he coulde be so rude.
SH: i didnt read it all either but what i know is that i connect to you and then put some stuff in your hive and we activate it and you go into the middle!
BI: The middle?
BI: It seemse thate we are both in the dark.
BI: How about I connecte to someone else firste so we know what to do?
BI: Whate do you thinke of that proposal?
SH: awwww come on i wanted to start playing now ill read the whole guide if we start playing now i promise!
BI: Juste please be patient.
BI: I'd rather have an idea of whate is going to happen before jumping into thingse.
BI: I can connexte to Piron, and then to you once things are cleared up.
BI: I have a feelinge the guide won't be very helpful.
SH: =:(
SH: okaaaaaaayy =:'(
BI: Good
BI: I thinke.
BI: I'm sure you can find somethinge to occupy yourselfe in the meantime.
BI: Righte?
SH: ok sure ill find something to do maybe ill play with twinkleberry for a while
SH: so glissa how have you beeeeeeennnnn
BI: I've been welle.
BI: Nothinge out of the ordinary. I thinke.
BI: Its mostly quiete out here.
BI: I hesitate to ask.
BI: But how have you beene?
SH: im good thanks for asking!
SH: playing games with my toys and twinkleberry said i had to organize my collection which wasnt so good but he says i have to every once in a while and i found something for gorrma in there so i guess it was good in the end
SH: hey glissa can i come over and look at your stuff once we start playing can i can i can i
BI: If the possibility is opene, then I guess I can let you looke at some of my thingse.
BI: As longe as you're careful. I've... heard of that incident with Scalis.
SH: that was different i couldnt find the load gaper who makes a library with impossible architecture anyway and i didnt know it was his book and i apologized and im so sorry itll never happen again!
BI: That is quite
BI: I am at a losse for description.
BI: How aboute I personally give you the tour when the time comes?
SH: ok that would be nice
BI: Excellente.
BI: I thinke I have somethinge to go checke on right now. Is there anything else you want to say before I go?
SH: oh!
SH: i think i have a package i wonder what it is im gonna go get it okay talk to you later glissa bye have fun
-- spectacularHellion [SH] ceased trolling bathorysIllustrator [BI] --

Look at that, it was bad news. You will have to rely on Zebrek to aid you along. At least he seems to have his heart in it.

One thing is for certain, Caoway is going to have to put all of his soul into that CRUSTACEAN FORGIVENESS DANCE if he wants to survive this game.

Its right about now that you should visit your lusus for the day. He is certainly still patrolling the hive. If you head to the roof, you may be able to catch him.

>Glissa: Ascend to the top floor

Its a large hive, that is a long climb. Much too long for your feeble legs to cover in one post. How about we hand off the torch to someone else?

========>

Intern Nin

01-30-2011, 03:55 PM

========>

You now find yourself in the RESPITEBLOCK of a young troll whom we have not had the pleasure of meeting yet. He's a pretty sharply dressed fellow, with his suit and bow tie. Perhaps he is going someplace later? Though right now, he is just admiring a framed poster of a FICTIONAL ALIEN SHUTTLECRAFT. That's neat, you guess. Bet you'd rather have him walk across the room and have a one of those hilarious chatlogs with one of his quirky contacts or many admiring fans on his sleek, state of the art HUSKTOP.

Of course, he's much too important a troll to solicit others. He'd rather they contact him. Although, the reason he is not out and about right now is because he's waiting on a message. He really wishes his contact would just hurry up and message him already. Not that he cares, of course. He just wants the guy to message him like the guy said that he would so our troll friend can prove him wrong. Wow, that's pretty confusing.

Hmm, this is all very interesting. Hey, what do you suppose this guy's name is?

> no

Come again?

> i really dont care who this douchebag is show me someone else

Well, that's rude. I'm trying to write a story here.

> dont care show me someone else

Okay, fine. You want to see someone else? Type => Switch 2

=> Switch 2

Somewhere, far into the future, one monitor in a dimly lit room switches off and another switches on. A new troll appears on this screen. Someone that we are already familiar with. And, as it happens, he is someone that the owner of these hands clacking away at the station's keyboard is also familiar with.

This new troll is suspended just above some crashing waves by a bit of fishing line. Even though he is quite relieved after having recently escaped annihilation by way of a giant fiery meteor, this new pinch he landed himself in has him worried.

Just then, a brightly glowing KERNEL HALF floats down past him and vanishes into the ocean below. The troll looks up just in time to see another half float skyward and leave behind a glowing ringy shaped thing. He doesn't really know what to make of this.

> you

The young troll seems to have taken notice of your words. He asks if you talking to him?

> yeah im talking to you

Okay, glad you could clear that up.

> what are you doing there you

His name isn't you. It's Caoway. And what he's doing is holding on for dear life.

> whatever i dont care about your name

You don't seem to care about a lot of things.

> how did you get there

Caoway got into this situation because of his fool solution to his entrance challenge.

> you do seem like the fool type

He doesn't seem to be enjoying this conversation.

> hey wait a minute

What is it?

> i remember you youre one of the troll kids

That is correct, he is one of the 16 trolls kids who make up the cast of this adventure.

> sage

What was that? Caoway didn't understand that last statement.

> you

What did I just say?

> you are the sage

Caoway doesn't recognize the title you are addressing him by.

> dont play dumb i know who you are

Maybe you do, but Caoway certainly doesn't know you or your silly title.

> i still hate you too even after all these years

That's nice, but I'm afraid he just doesn't return the sentiment. Maybe you can just be hate-friends?

> fuck you im switching the view to someone else

Oh no, don't! Whatever will he do without the annoying voice whispering in his ear?

> have fun dying later asshole

Wait what? Jegus, can I get some reasonable suggestions for once?

> Be the Sage.

Unfortunately, you can't be the foretold Sage because he does not yet exist at this point in time.

> Be Caoway.

You are the fool who somehow earned his entry into this new and wondrous land. You continue hanging helplessly just above the waves crashing into the plateau your hive now sits on. You are not sure, but you think that there might have been a little voice heckling you just a moment ago. This is great, you think, what better way to end your crappie night than with falling to your death whale having a complete psychotic breakdown? Oh man, did you just make some fish puns in your head? This night really fellates musclebeast bits.

Oh would you look at that, messages galore.

> Caoway: answer server player.

You retrieve the GRUBPDA from your SYLLADEX with one of your many inter-galatic tendrils and reply to your friend. Just kidding, you quickly pull it out with your normal troll hand and shove it into your mouth and type with your tongue so you can continue holding onto the fishing pole.

AP: Hey cool. You survived.
AP: Nice place you have there.
MC: Yeah, raiS\e/) plateau in the mi/)/)le of an unknown S\ea.
MC: AweS\ome.
MC: ThiS\ place iS\ outraG\eouS\!
AP: A smidge better...than your. Rocky, crag. About to be. Pummled, by meteors.
AP: But hey. That's just me.
MC: I'm actually beinG\ S\incere here.
MC: I am in a whole new bo/)y of water completely untouche/) by hoity-toity royalS\.
MC: An/) thiS\ one /juS\t reekS\ of romance!
MC: The G\oo/) kin/)!
AP: UGH. You know, I'll let. That one slide.
AP: But only, because, you got out. Of that shitstorm, with your own power.
AP: Now. How about I, build you a platform. Before that. Line, snaps?

You glance down at the merciless surf pounding below.

> Caoway: Ask for assistance.

MC: That woul/) be nice.

A crude platform, which seems to be made out of copied sections of your hive, materializes underneath you.

> Caoway: Drop.

You captchalogue the pole and drop down onto the platform. A few more platforms appear in ascending order. Leraje's trolling you again.

> Caoway: Okay, first platform hop back up to your hive. Second, do it while trolling Leraje back.

Even though the effects of the alien vegetable have long since worn off, your SEA-LEGS and MANGRIT allow you to hop from platform to platform with the greatest of ease. However, it wouldn't be very smart to go leaping around with your attention divided so you decide stop for moment on one particularly bad platform and troll Leraje back.

AP: Boom. Instant life saver.
MC: ThiS\ iS\ the S\hittieS\t lookinG\ platform that S\till S\ort of reS\emble/) a platform.
MC: But it'll /)o I G\ueS\S\.
MC: Hey, /)i/) you S\ee thoS\e weir/) liG\htS\ /juS\t a moment aG\o?
AP: Hey. I didn't write. The program.
AP: And...what lights?
MC: There were theS\e two briG\ht thinG\S\ riG\ht after I entere/).
MC: S\ort of looke/) like the kernelS\prite.
MC: One of them went /)own beneath the waveS\.
MC: The other went up an/) left that S\piroG\raph thinG\ above my hive.
AP: Now...that you. Mention it. Yeah.
AP: Any idea...what that means?
MC: Not a clue.
MC: I /juS\t hope thiS\ /)oeS\'t mean the kernelS\prite left.
MC: I really want to take another crack at that thinG\.

You hop up to the last platform and wait for a response from Leraje.

...

He sure is taking his sweet time.

> Caoway: See what's up.

MC: Hey, iS\ everythinG\ all riG\ht on your en/)?
AP: Peachy. Other than the growing, waves. The thunderous, quakes of interstellar. Impact. And everything...else. End. Of. The, world. Like.
MC: Oh.
MC: Well, I G\ueS\S\ I S\houl/)n't be S\urprise/).
MC; You /)o live relatively cloS\e by.
MC: You S\houl/) probably connect with BurG\un now.
AP: Right. Message me if something. Goes. Wrong. I'd, hate to come back to. A corpse. Or something like, that.
AP: Bye. ._.
absentPsychologist [AP] ceased trolling melancholicChumly [MC]

Well, looks like you'll be sailing solo for a few minutes. Hm, sure is a nice view from up here. You take in the majestic sight of this grand ocean spread out in front of you. To you, it's the very picture of endless possibilities for excitement and harrowing adventure. It's shame that the price for seeing this world was the death of an entire planet, but still it's pretty cool. A whole new planet to explore... you wish Beechie were here to explore it with you.

Of course, after thinking this you realize that even if your lusus were here he would not be able to go anywhere on the account of him being crippled because of you. Now you are very, very sad. Maybe you should leave him alone for a bit.

> Can I please be a troll who isn't distraught over the death of their lusus?

Flarecobra

01-30-2011, 04:31 PM

> Can I please be a troll who isn't distraught over the death of their lusus?

You're now Piron, who is... actually enjoying a chunk of her lusus...

> She's weird. Be someone else!

Everyone else is busy. Besides, this won't be long.

> Fine. Check the Memo then.

You decide to check out what the Memo is doing. Seeing a new one open for the pack you have been put in, you decide to check it out.

CURRENT melancholicChumly [CMC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board TEAM FORTRESS OF WIN-
CMC: Thank you all for cominG\.
CMC: ThiS\ iS\ a memo /)e/)icate/) to a/)/)reS\SinG\ a very S\eriouS\ epi/)emic, one that iS\ affectinG\ memberS\ of both teamS\.
CMC: After rea/)inG\ memoS\ on both team bulletin boar/)S\, it'S\ come to my attention that our luS\ii are /)yinG\.
CMC: I /)on't know why thiS\ iS\ happeninG\.
CMC: It coul/) be a function of the G\ame.
CMC: Or /juSt S\ome crazy coS\mic coinci/)ence.
CMC: But the fact remainS\, we alrea/)y have S\everal luS\ii /)ea/) an/) after conS\ultinG\ with my S\prite I believe the reS\t of them may not have much lonG\er.
CMC: There iS\ a S\ilver lininG\ in all of thiS\ thouG\h.
CMC: The kernel S\prite, one of the G\ame'S\ functionS\.
CMC: When it'S\ prototype/) with the remainS\ of S\omethinG\ that waS\ once livinG\, the creature iS\ revive/) in the form of a S\prite.
CMC: Our luS\ii can live aG\ain.

That makes you stop for a moment, and think. You've carved up the lusus into chunks, and you've eaten a little bit of it.

> Smooth.

Quiet you.

> Sorry.

Anyway, you wonder if it'll work carved up like it was, and these seem to know what it's about, so you reply.

> Reply to Memo.

CURRENT StalkerSahagin [CSS] RIGHT NOW responded to memo
CSS: Or is in pieces?

Oh hey, someone else is now avalable.

>Be someone else.
(Colors will be added later.)

Intern Nin

01-30-2011, 10:16 PM

> Be someone else.

You are Caoway. You had yourself a good session of not-crying and now you're ready to start adventuring. What should you do first?

> Caoway: Return home.

Can't go off on a new adventure without some supplies. Plus, you'll need your HUSKTOP since you're going to be Sharl's server later on. You hop to the top of the plateau. You take a quick glance around and see that everything on the cape, from your hive to the stump, has been transported along with you.

You make your way into the open entryway leading into Beechie's block. There's still a few whale steaks laying on the precipice. You try not to notice them because they remind you of your lusus and the final tragedy he suffered less than half an hour ago. Inside, you see the CRUXTRUDER. This stupid device brings to mind that wretched KERNELSPRITE and the way it devoured Beechie's remains. If you ever see it again you'll- Hey what's this?

You definitely don't remember extracting all these dowels that are on the floor. And what is this chalky crap all over the wheel? Somebody has been in your hive. But who? There is absolutely no way there could have been anybody else on your island at the time you entered. So this has to be something from this world. Something covered in this chalk stuff.

You suddenly remember the monsters Leraje was going on about while he was cleaning up.

> Caoway: Contact meddler for assistance.

melancholicChumly [MC] started trolling absentPsychologist [AP]-
MC: Okay, S\omethinG\ /juS\t went wronG\.
MC: You S\ai/) S\omethinG\ about monS\terS\ earlier.
MC: I think one of them'S\ inva/)e/) my hive.
MC: There'S\ S\ome weir/) filth S\meare/) all over.

You don't receive a response right away.

> Caoway: Retreat to respiteblock.

You make your way through the _______-block. There's some more strange substances wiped over the bookshelves and table. The framed photograph of your departed nemesis has been knocked down and smashed on the floor. You are surely dealing with some heartless sons of bitches.

You quickly spit onto the picture and continue on up the stairs and into the respiteblock. There are more smears in here too. It seems like who ever was in here wanted to get whatever it is that's inside CYMOPOLEA'S TREASURY. Fat chance opening it without the MEGATON KEY. Hey, where's...

THEY TOOK YOUR DEAD DOG!

> Caoway: Inform server about this development.

MC: An/) now I S\ee that Ten is miS\SinG\.
MC: Fuck, I'm G\oinG\ to keelhaul thiS\ baS\tar/)!
MC: No one meS\S\eS\ with my trophieS\ but me!

You furiously mash out a message to your friend who really seems to be living up to his user name. In the midst of your mashings, you spy an empty mantle where a very specific and oft mention weapon is supposed to be resting. Looks like it's going to play an important role in your story. Who knew?

MC: On another more /)iS\treS\S\inG\ note, my blun/)erbuS\S\ iS\ G\one too.
MC: Hey, are you there?
MC: I coul/) really uS\e your help tryinG\ to fin/) thiS\ arme/) an/) no /)oubt hoS\tile hive inva/)er.

Blast, still nothing.

> Caoway: Go it alone.

It's dangerous to go alone. And unarmed. That's why you crafted the steel line fishing pole. This is the deadliest weapon in your specibus. This sorry sicko better pray to his bizarre extra-dimensional alien god that you don't find him.

> Invader: Disarm foe.

From your vantage point behind the pile of chests, you take aim and fire your newly pilfered handgun at the weapon this horned jerk is brandishing. The shot obliterates the pole and line along with a large portion of the wall. The energy blast continues onward across the ocean. You are knocked down by the backlash. It may be a good idea to adjust the settings to a lower power level. Like maybe one. You fiddle with the dial with your ghastly white clawed digits until its set on a power level where you're not likely to dislocate your arm when firing it.

> Caoway: Fisher-troll roll behind some cover and repair specibii.

You hastily roll behind the treasury, your best chance for decent cover in this block. As for the specibii, well it doesn't really need repairing. Because it was completely destroyed. You're really lucky he didn't take your hand off with that blast. The card is now blank and your trusty pole and line was thrown back in the SYLLADEX, ejecting one of your shoddy taxidermy book and kits. You quickly reallocate the pole and line to the STRIFE SPECIBUS and wield it.

> Caoway: Terminate conversation. Then go terminate the intruder.

MC: Nevermin/).
MC: MonS\ter juS\t S\hot my pole.
MC: G\onna G\o kill it.
melancholicChumly [MC] ceased trolling absentPsychologist [AP]-

You store the GRUBPDA away and prepare to answer the call to battle.

[S (http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/moonshatter)]> OUTRAGEOUS STRIFE!

You roll out from behind your cover and cast your line in a wide sweep, accidentally hitting the THERMAL HULL and messing up your attack. Your foe, labeled as a CALCIUM IMP, pops out and fires off another round that barely misses you. He ducks back down before you have a chance to strike. You tumble back behind the cover of the Treasury. Situation isn't good, you can't strike faster than a gun and he has too much cover to hide behind in this block. Not to mention you can't even get a good wind up with all this junk.

You going to have to lead him out of here. You roll over to the entrance and hop down to the bottom of the stairs and quickly dodge-roll out of way of some energy shots. The imp gives chase and scrambles down the stairs after you. You leap atop the table and over the bookshelves, clearing the Watchamacallit block. The imp fires wildly and misses, managing only in giving the block a few new windows.

You enter Beechie's block, roomy enough for you swing your weapon with reckless abandon. There's only one way for the imp to come in if he wants to get you. You see the dowels lying on the floor and are struck with a great idea.

You perform a little battle alchemy, hooking the dowel and then securely tying it up. You've crafted a rudimentary pole-and-line-flail. You then start charging your MANGRIST.

The imp enters and you immediately aggrieve him, knocking the blunderbuss from his clutch and striking him repeatedly in the face. While you may have had a small victory in disarming him, the blows to face don't seem to be doing any damage because of the invincible aegis he's wearing. He slashes the line with his claws, cutting the dowel loose. He makes a play for the blunderbuss, but you rush him, striking him repeatedly with the most violent of nub-drubbings. He counter aggrieves, but misses as you release the charged MANGRIST and fly into the air. You whip the line around his neck and land right on top of him.

You stomp down on its arms and begin yanking on the line. Time to see which snaps first: the fishing line or this thing's neck. The imp flails it legs around, hoping to upset your balance. It's pretty futile, it will take a lot more than it to knock you off your SEALEGS. He seems to realize this and looks up at you pleadingly.

Those tusks, furry cheeks, and claws. He looks so much like...

CAOWAY: You look... like my luS\uS\.
CAOWAY: That'S\ a real S\hame.

You pull harder than ever.

CAOWAY: Beechie tauG\ht me to never be afrai/) of attackinG\ a frien/)ly face.

The imp's head flies across the block and the body explodes into a bunch of build grist, calcium, and a card. You have no idea what to make of this.

Why don't you check in with someone else while Caoway tries to wrap his head around the concept of "drops".

> Be the most important character.

Dracorion

01-30-2011, 10:48 PM

> Be the most important character.

You can't find him!

> Well why the hell not?

He's in his closet.

> What?

He's checking it for angels.

> What?

You don't think you could put it any simpler than that.

> Who is this joker?

You're Zebrek, of course!

You're currently checking your closet for angels. You do this regularly because those leathery-winged bastards could pop in at any time.

> What?

You step out of your COSTUME CLOSET, which is where you keep your REDBIRD MORTAL SIDEKICK, ALIEN MESSIAH ALLEGORY, DAREDEVIL, IRON MAN, MUTATED ARACHNID KID and TROLL WILL SMITH costumes.

> What?

Well, there's no monsters in your closet. Now you've run out of things to kill time with, so you figure you'll get started on playing that game.

> Zebrek: Install.

You begin installing SGRUB. The psychedelic installation display has you hypnotized.

Oooooh, pretty lights.

> Zebrek: Troll Glissa.

Zebrek can't take commands now because he's staring at the pretty lights!

> Be someone less important.

Overcast

01-31-2011, 08:27 PM

> Be someone less important.

You are now Seymour. The waters are getting rougher, you have no difficulty moving in them, you've been involved in gale force hurricanes before with little effort, but you worry. In your mind you are imagining your little caretaker, that little bastard playing his little games on his computer. His foolish shipping and what have you.

Likely ignoring the hubbub outside because you are no longer a threat to him today. Foolish, stupid child. The sky falls on this planet, and every impact is a signal of coming doom. Your eyes stare upward, and one particular rock catches your eye. Like catching the view of a moving harpoon you watch as it descends, and you see where it is going.

That damn fool child. You'll have to save him.

>Be the fool.

You are now Leraje. Fifteen minutes ago. As suggested by your salty friend you have decided to start your little journey to getting the hell off this planet before you are killed.

>Troll Burgun

absentPsychologist [AP] started trolling brutalTrifecta [BT]
AP: Burgun. Are you ready, to play?
BT: HEEELLO, leeerajeee. i'veee takeeen careee of EEEVEEERYTHING i can.
BT: what do i do AFTEEER i'veee installeeed sgrub?
AP: Activate it. And connect to me. Then we can get, on our. Way.
BT: okay, i just eeenteeer your USEEERNAMEEE in this fieeeld, right?
BT: doneee.
BT: okay, i SEEE you i think!!!

>Wave to Burgun.

While you are not quite sure where she could see you from you wave anyway, hoping you are not waving in the exact opposite direction and looking like an idiot. But you probably are.

AP: Great. Well...from, what I saw. With Caoway the, process. Is like this.
AP: Check, the inventory. Install our freebies. Knock open the cruxtruder.
AP: Use a totem, from the cruxtruder to make the thing. On the prepunched card. With the totem lathe.
AP: And solve the issue summoned on the alchmiter. Then we win round one.
BT: wait wait wait. ONEEE THING at a timeee, i'm still geeetting useeed to this thing.
BT: so, okay then. theeereee's a CRUXTRUDEEER heeereee, wheeereee do i put it?
AP: Anywhere, is fine. I don't have, much other. Than my, cocoon and computer.
AP: Me and, Seymour tend to. Break stuff, in our scuffles.
BT: oh, i know how that is, sort of.
BT: my lusus teeends to WREEECK anything I bring homeee UNLEEESS i put it wheeereee sheee can't reach.
BT: so, i'll just put it in the middleee of the room, it looks important.
BT: how do i opeeen it?
AP: We, smack. The top, with something...heavy.
BT: um. i'm preeetty sureee this cruxtrudeeer is theee HEEEAVIEEEST thing in your hiveee.
BT: ...
BT: how ofteeen do you useee your REEECUPEEERACOON?
AP: Ain't...using it right. Now. Go ahead. But uhh...watch the ooze.

>Prepare for the worst.

Sopor slime goes EVERYWHERE! But it is a small sacrifice for the end result, low and behold the thing opens and out comes that shiny little bastard yelling something you assume are obscenities. You don't really know, you haven't met one that could properly speak as of yet.

BT: aaaaaand CRACK goeees the coon!
BT: >:-D
AP: Hmm...forgot about the. Kernelsprite.
BT: it's preeetty!!!
AP: Odd, little thing. What, shall I prototype?
BT: i dunno, how do you DO that?
AP: You just...kinda. Drop something on it.
BT: theeereee areeen't a lot of SOMEEETHINGS to useee, i don't think.
BT: i don't seee ANYTHING i can useee in this inteeerfaceee.
AP: Hmmm...
AP: I hate to give, up my. Shipping Wall. But, I guess it'll have to do.
BT: you haveee a SHIPPING WALL???
BT: i kneeew you studieeed troll romanceee, but...
BT: you'reee WEEEIRDEEER than i thought, kid!!!
AP: Hey, pleanty of. Respectable...people have. Shipping walls.
AP: ...but then I might be the only one. With an electronic one. It is that wall of televisions, next to the computer.
BT: bluh.
BT: what am i SUPPOSEEED to do with you?
BT: whateeeveeer. can i eeeveeen GEEET this... THING off the wall?
AP: It...isn't installed. Directly, inside. It should be...easily movable.
BT: fineee, i'll just giveee this a good tug...
AP: So, far. So good...now just drop it in there.

>Wave goodbye to the wall.

Shiplog:
AP: Later shippy, you served me well all these years.

AP: Ok. Floating television. I still don't, understand what it is yapping...about. Guess, I'll have to find. Something else, later.
AP: Anyway, lets get. Started.
BT: what doeees that thing do ANYWAY?
BT: i'm putting down theee reeest of this EEEQUIPMEEENT down now so that i don't forgeeet it's THEEEREEE.
BT: by theee way, did you noticeee theeereee's a COUNTDOWN on your cruxtrudeeer now?
brutalTrifecta has disconnected.
AP: Uh oh.

Well...that ain't good. You contemplate sending a few more messages to be sure you were properly disconnected but you can read the font plain as day. How problematic, what does she expect you to do until she comes back...

You kinda hope she comes back.

You check in on what Caoway is up to, but it seems like he is busy killing monsters so you leave him alone.

So alone.

========>

It is fifteen minutes later. Leraje has had some time to himself to ruin things and is standing in a new outfit, out of his hoody and in a tweed jacket with leather elbow pads. His hair a little wild and shagging forward a little over his glasses, and on his legs he has a fresh pair of black slacks. He stares down into a cell phone that appears to be shaped like a hand. His own hand. Oh god it is texting on it's own.

brutalTrifecta [BT] began trolling absentPsychologist [AP]
BT: leeerajeee. you still theeereee?
BT: someeething hit my HIVEEESTEEEM on one of the uppeeer floors and causeeed a collapseee.
AP: Alive. Got some new junk. Like the new outfit?
BT: eeer, yeeeah. how did YOU geeet ahold of that? i thought you didn't haveee much stuff lying around.
AP: Odd how much, you can do. With varied. Combinations.
BT: i haveee no ideeea what that meeeans.
BT: whateveeer, i'll find out lateeer. how much TIMEEE do weee have leeeft? i'd likeee to geeet STARTEEED with Piron.
BT: that last ASTEEEROID hit far too closeee for my liking. >:-X
AP: Timer, says a little more. Than five, minutes.
BT: okay, gueeess weee should HURRY, theeen.
BT: what do weee haveee leeeft to do?
AP: The pre, punched. Card. And we, should be. Home free.
BT: okay, heeereee. i put it right BEEEHIND you.
BT: do you know what to do with it?
AP: Yep, should. Be real quick.
AP: Just, get a extrusion of crux.
AP: Stick it in, the totem lathe. Put the card in too.
AP: Watch the pretty, lights shape it into some odd thing.
AP: Bring it to the...alchmiter. And we get a...

>Dramatic reveal.

The flash of light blinds you for a moment as you look away, and your eyes very carefully turn back to reveal a...

AP: recuperacoon. Cool, after what we. Did to the last one I could use, a new one.
AP: Welp, only one. Thing to do, with this. Hope it works.

>Catch some Z's bro.

You slip out of the new digs and climb up on the alchemiter. Pulling yourself up into the opening into the cocoon, staring down into the slime. You wonder what this was meant to represent, you never were much for sleeping. You shrug and dive in, closing your eyes in the calm before the nightmares robbed you away to horrortown.

>[S] Leraje: Sleep.

Arhra

02-01-2011, 08:34 AM

>Reply to goddamned Bat-troll

-- vengefulRodentia [VR] began trolling hastyExecutor [HE] --
VR: all right...
VR: you had better be... as FAST as you THINK you are...
HE: I'M F^STER TH^N I THIN|< I ^M!
HE: THIN|< ^BOUT TH^T >:3
HE: ONE MOMENT

>Load cannon

You load ZEBREK'S BLACKMAIL PARCEL into the cannon's PARCEL SHUNT.

>What cannon?

It is a dirty little secret of the DELIVERATORS, but sometimes ACCIDENTS HAPPEN and it's not possible to make a delivery in person. Such as when you're behind schedule on account of falling from a GREAT HEIGHT and passing out (something of a recurring problem for you) and presently being CAVESTUCK.

In those rare cases, intermediaries are required.

Such as this fine TELESCOPIC PARCEL CANNON.

>Explain cannon

Oh you made it years ago. You are SOMETHING OF A MECHANIC after all. If your destination is close enough and the weather's right, you can use TROLL CALCULUS and your incredible PSYCHIC POWERS to launch the payload at LUDICROUS SPEEDS, dropping it on the target's doorstep (or cave-hole, in this case) with PINPOINT ACCURACY.

It is REALLY QUITE SIMPLE.

You have decided to do it for Zebrek's specific case because SCREW CLIMBING A MOUNTAIN WITH A BROKEN LEG.

>Make delivery

Pshoo! Look at that BLACKMAIL go! Right throgh the cave roof and into the sky!

--hastyExecutor [HE] began trolling spectaularHellion --
HE: ZEBRE|<, BL^C|<M^IL >ELIvERY! ESTIM^TE> TIME OF ^RRIv^L: 23 SECON>S! BR^CE FOR IMP^CT!!!

A true DELIVERATOR never fails but the condition the goods arrive in is... negotiable.

>Update MAILING LIST

Private Client A Pies ==> Gorrma
Private Client A Pies ==> Vintag
Private Client B Blackmail => Sharl
Gorrma Unknown Item[s] ==> Unknown[s] (requires pickup)
Sharl Oven ==> Gorrma (requires pickup)
Sharl Medical Supplies ==> Nasyrl (requires pickup)
[s]Private Client C Blackmail ==> Zebrek

Another job well done.

>Inform Client C of delivery

-- hastyExecutor [HE] began trolling pandorasArchivist [PA] --
HE: IT'S >ONE

Geminex

02-01-2011, 07:50 PM

> Find out what's done
A Tome has been delivered.

> Find out more
Can't find out. Have to experience.

> Be Past Client C
Hours in the past, but not many...

You are now Scalis. You are curled up on the ground, eyes shut tight, breathing through gritted teeth as you wrap your arms around yourself, shivering. There's a cold wind blowing again, and it's sapping your warmth.

> Awaken
You are not asleep, though you wish you were. You're just remembering. The strife, the pain, the lightning. The voices?

> Stop remembering
You don't know if you can. But you do what you can. You open your eyes and try to force your aching body. Your arm gives way as coughs wrack your paper-dry throat, and you fall back to the ground, groaning. You can barely feel your limbs, your skin itches, your head feels like the lightning only just shocked it. And as you realize that there's gunshot wounds on your shoulder, where Zebrek shot you... shot you not... all too long ago, probably, you're not sure, as you feel the blood drip down your arm, you realize, maybe that's not so far off. You... don't know what just happened, or don't want to at least. All you know is that you remembered. You remember the clash, and the conflict, the strife, the pain, the lighting. It has all come back. All of it. You managed to leave it behind once, managed to forget it all, but somehow you knew that it couldn't last. And now, like a boomerang from hell, it's hit you where it hurts. You manage to stand and begin to walk bac towards the main desk. You've been sleeping there, even since you misfiled your respiteblock. Shame about that. In your state, you could really, really use a recuperacoon right about now. Somehow, just an hour or two of sleep would make it all better. But you can't sleep now. You've remembered and now you have to... deal with it.

> Brood
As you walk, you consider what you've... relearned. It felt like you've always disliked him, really. But... maybe you didn't always detest him. Only since the Visit. Only since you've known who he was. That alone is disturbing. What else have you forgotten? What else feels like it's been there all along? But there's bigger things to worry about, of course. The Pest himself. And what you're feeling right now.

Pain. Betrayal, in a way. Regret at what's been lost. A sense of realization. And, of course, rage. Not at his actions. Those were just books. And while the Code calls for those who would dishonor a
Warchivist's charges to die painfully, you've always preferred to skip that part.

But his... ignorance. His indifference to others. His indifference to you, his willingness to defile what was yours. His vapidness, superficiality, naivite, his Childishness! His Ignorace! You're shivering again, but with suppressed rage this time. You were right, back then. When you thought of him as an anomaly, you were right. Your fists are still clenched as you reach the Main Desk and sit down at it. You have no idea what's going on inside you, you've never felt this way before. This barely restrained wrath. You've read about it, of course, but you never thought it'd be this strong. You sigh. You have to deal with this. You're already... obsessed.

> Deal with it
You pop open your GRUBTOP, open Trollian, hesitate -you swore you'd never, ever take romance advice from him- but realize you have no choice.

You have this conversation (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1100474&postcount=11), then sit back, wait. Not for long, though. There's a couple of memos open, and Tergum's invited you to some game, but it's all just a way to spend time before that damn meddler gets back to you. But you wait. And wait. And you can't stop thinking about that pest, all his faults, all his mistakes.

Finally, you can't take it anymore.

> Snap
No. You don't snap. But the rage building inside you, you have to release it. You have to let it out. You have to show Zebrek how you feel. And then you have to end it once and for all. And you know just how. You just have to...

> Arrange things
Things are easily arranged.
pandorasArchivist[PA] began trolling hastyExecutor[HE]
PA: Hlelo Iropha.
PA: Tihs may suond a litlte ruhsed.
PA: But I haev a devirely for yuo to make.
PA: Blakcmial at its fienst.
PA: A pakcaeg of graet valeu muts reahc a freind in... need
PA: Befoer teh wordl braethes its last.
PA: The colck is tikcign.
PA: Internested?, a quick look through the archives. It takes you a while, but somehow... somehow things don't seem to be getting lost. The BLACK MAGIC AND CURSES category is right where it needs to be, and the particular TOME in question almost seems to want you to find it, to use it. You hold it tightly closed, shivering with anticipation, and grin at its title. A COMPLETE ASSHOLE'S GUIDE TO PIE-BAKING indeed. You wrap it up tightly, take it to the SECRET EXCHANGE LOCATION. Really just a hollow at the roots of an old tree near your hive, but it's more dramatic that way. Apparently deliverators insist on that, but you don't mind. As long as it's... delivered. And your friend is one thing, it's reliable. It will reach him allright. And then this will be over. One way... or another. You feel that a great weight's lifted from your chest as you deposit the package and return to the librarchivary. You've done what your feelings told you to do. You've expressed yourself.

One thing that worries you is the absence of your lusus... normally he'd have gone to the EXCHANGE LOCATION, but he was nowhere to be found. If you weren't feeling so calignous, you'd be worried.

But all there is to do now... is wait.

> Be a troll doing something more interesting.

Dracorion

02-01-2011, 10:33 PM

> Be a troll doing something more interesting.

You are Zebrek again!

> Aw, dammit!

Oh, suck it up you big baby.

======>

SGRUB has just finished installing. No more pretty lights.

Awwwww.

> Zebrek: Uninstall.

Turns out uninstalling the game does the pretty lights too!

> Zebrek: Install.

Heeeheheeee.

> Zebrek: Uninstall.

Heeeheeeheeeheeheeee!

> Zebrek: Install.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

> Zebrek: Get trolled by Leraje.

absentPsychologist [AP] started trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

AP: Zeb.
AP: I'm haunting you.
AP: From the future.
SH: heeeey leraje wassup what do you mean from the future youre from the future thats so cool whats the future like is it fun how am i doing am i having fun how does the game turn out is it awesome whatre you up to in the future why are you talking to me from the future
AP: It was a lie Zeb.
AP: I lied.
AP: I am not haunting. You. Nor am, I from the future.
SH: awww dude why would you do that i got my hopes up that youd tell me a lot of awesome future things
AP: I will. NEVER. Contact, you from the future.
AP: Nor anyone else.
AP: Unless it is absolutely neccesarry that I do so.
AP: Anyway, I figured. I would start up with a joke.
AP: Ha. Jokes on you.
SH: =:(
AP: Oh buck up. Anyway, there was, something. I came. To discuss.
AP: It is about. THE QUADRANTS.
AP: Has, you're lusus. Given you, "the talk". Yet?
SH: um you mean about how wrigglers are made yeah i know its pretty icky but what do you care about the quadrants
AP: You are. One ignorant. Bastard.
AP: But, forget that. What do you care, about. The quadrants?
AP: Ever felt, any...feelings? Of that sort. For people?
SH: oh ummmm...
SH: i havent i think
SH: i dont know
AP: Interesting...
AP: Remember. When, we talked about. How...unmean you are?
AP: Have you noticed. How...mean. Most people. Seem to be?
AP: Probably, even. Me?
SH: yeah a bit but i guess thats because alternia isnt a very nice place what with everything trying to eat you
AP: This is. True.
AP: But why. Are you so unmean. Then?
SH: ummmmmm
SH: because i dont like being angry all the time and if im nice to people maybe theyll learn that you dont have to be angry and be nice back
AP: But, what about. People, who do. Like being. Angry, all the time.
AP: Like Tergum?
AP: Or, what if. Someone. Felt. Dark...for you? And was only...happy. When they. Were angry at you?
SH: oh
SH: are you trying to tell me something about yourself here
AP: No. About trollkind.
AP: We hate. It is part, of our. Breeding process.
AP: It is dangerous not. To Zeb.
AP: So...I guess I'm worried.
AP: I care about. The quadrants. A bit.
AP: And I try...to help people. Get into them. But, I'm afraid you may not. Be able to.
AP: And they...shouldn't be able to. Just kill you for that.
AP: Because you are. Useful.
AP: Sorry...if I'm. Going. Over your head. With this.
SH: i
SH: i dont know
SH: i just know i dont like being angry
SH: when youre angry you want to hurt things and be not happy and you like hurting things and i dont like that
SH: im sorry
AP: It is. Alright Zeb. Maybe. It, just isn't your time. Yet.
AP: Maybe, this. Game will help you get in the. Spirit of it.
AP: And if not. At least. It will be fun.
AP: I know it will. I can feel it.
AP: So have...fun. Because nobody can...kill you for that now.
AP: There's nobody left for that.
SH: ok im sure ill have fun
SH: and um...
SH: i think
SH: i might have red feelings
SH: for someone that is
AP: You'll have. To tell me. About that soon!
AP: I'll try to. Help you, get them sorted out.
AP: One quadrant, is good enough. For me. Right now.
AP: Anyway, gotta go. My session is starting soon.
SH: ok bye have fun hurry up so i can get in soon
AP: Bye. ._.

absentPsychologist [AP] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

... Oh.

Talking with Leraje is always weird. He's your good friend and all, but he's just strange.

Still, you ended up telling someone about your romantic aspirations. You've been dying to get that off your chest.

> Troll Glissa.

You figure now's a good time to talk to Glissa about connecting.

You proceed to have this conversation. (http://nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1104081&postcount=23)

======>

As you talk to Glissa, someone else trolls you! You wonder who it is.

--hastyExecutor [HE] began trolling spectaularHellion[SH] --

HE: ZEBRE|<, BL^C|<M^IL >ELIvERY! ESTIM^TE> TIME OF ^RRIv^L: 23 SECON>S! BR^CE FOR IMP^CT!!!
SH: a delivery?
SH: but its not even my wriggling day!

Yay! A present! You tell Glissa you're getting a parcel, end the conversation, and quickly run out of your cave.

> Get out already!

You can't! Your cave's access tunnel to the outside is long and winding up and it always takes forever to get out.

======>

You finally get outside and, indeed, you find a package waiting for you!

Brimming with glee, you pick it up and bring it back down to your respiteblock.

> Unwrap present.

It's a black package, standard blackmail package. You are about to tear into it like a wriggler on Perigee's.

> Get trolled!

Again?!

It's like somebody heard you were handing out hugs, and they've known nothing but years of bitter hug famine.

> Who cares? Just open the package!

Alas, you can't resist the buzzing sound your HUSKTOP makes when you're getting trolled.

Heeeheheehee, buzz buzz, buzz buzz buzz!!!

You hurry over to your HUSKTOP.

=======>

... Oh.

It's her.

Well, now's as good a time as any to set things straight.

> Zebrek: Answer.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

AC: :33 < *ac rolls arround playing with a ball of string at zebreks f33t*
AC: :33 < *she purrs happily*
AC: :33 < *ac start wraooing the string around zebreks ieg*
AC: :33 < *gasp!*
AC: :33 < drawing tablet mishap!
AC: :33 < i like it and all but sometimes it can get annoying! :))
AC: :33 < though i still wish there were a fetch modus like it!
SH: uhhhh yeah thatd be nice i guess
AC: :33 < *ac perks up with a curious meowr*
AC: :33 < *whats wrong zebrek? she asks*
AC: :33 < *cheer up! she says, rubbing up against his leg*
SH: um
SH: i
SH: i ummmmm i think
AC: :33 < whats wrong :??
SH: well
SH: i
SH: i think i have some
SH: ummmmm
SH: red feelings
SH: for you

> Zebrek: Panic!

OH CRAP OH CRAP WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.

How could you be so stupid of course she doesn't like you back she's just your friend and now you've ruined your friendship forever way to go and oh god why is she taking so long to answer that's it man it's over!

> Twinkleberry: Steal package.

You decide to play a prank on your custodian by stealing his present and unwrapping it for him.

Heheeeheeeheheee.

Yoink!

> Twinkleberry: Abscond.

You make for the other room with the package.

> Zebrek: Panic.

You already are!

Oh God, she's responding.

======>

AC: :33 < oh
AC: :33 < zebrek
AC: :33 < youre really nice and really cute and fun
AC: :33 < but
AC: :33 < i dont really like you that way
AC: :33 < im sorry!
AC: :33 < but we can still be friends!
AC: :33 < please? i want us to be friends still!
SH: oh
SH: ok
AC: :33 < zebrek! ch33r up!
AC: :33 < youre going to find your matesprit i know it!
SH: its just
SH: i dont think so
SH: im not very smart and i dont pay attention a lot and im always distracted and im annoying
SH: all of my friends think im annoying
SH: i dont think im ever going to find someone that likes me
AC: :33 < thats not true!
AC: :33 < i dont know about your friends, but youre a really great guy!
AC: :33 < you are!
AC: :33 < so ch33r up okay?
SH: ok
AC: :33 < i cant hear you!
SH: *sh looks up and smiles and nods energetically saying ok!*
AC: :33 < i have to go for now but well talk again soon okay?
SH: *sh says sure and hugs ac goodbye*
AC: :33 < *ac hugs back and scratches his face playfully and waves goodbye purring happily*

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

> AC: Update shipping wall.

You don't have to! There's only one loud obnoxious troll you would ever consider shipping yourself red with!

You do feel bad for poor Zebrek, though. You hope he'll find his ideal matesprit someday.

> Zebrek: be depressed.

Well that went about as well as could be expected.

But you can't help but feel depressed, despite what you told your friend. Even though you never mentioned these doubts to anyone, you really don't feel like most of your friends like you. Sometimes you wish you could get angry, just so you could relate to the-

======>

Wait a minute, what was that?

It was some kind of strangled cry, coming from the other room.

> Investigate.

You immediately rush to the other room, shotgun in hand.

======>

You see your lusus Twinkleberry, just sitting there on the floor. He looks like he's shaking. Beside him, your blackmail package lies opened.

It looks like whatever was inside the package is in front of Twinkleberry, and obscured from your view.

======>

Zebrek: twinkleberry?
Zebrek: whats wrong?

> STRIFE!

Suddenly, Twinkleberry jumps at you!

Completely taken by surprise, you're only able to raise your arms to protect your face as your lusus tackles you to the ground.

Zebrek: twinkleberry whats wrong with you!

======>

Your lusus is biting and gnawing at your face, as his tiny legs try to hurt you and his wings buzz loudly. He is foaming at the mouth and doesn't appear to be at all like you lusus.

As you try to push him off, his teeth managed to tear your arms and face a bit.

Zebrek: stop twinkleberry it hurts!
Zebrek: stop it!

======>

You continue to grapple for a bit, as you try to push him off without hurting him, with no success. He's biting at you like a demon possessed.

Zebrek: stop it twinkleberry!

Suddenly, your shotgun goes off.

======>

Blood.

So much blood.

Whose-?

Oh no.

======>

Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no.

Zebrek: twinkleberry!!!!

It appears your shotgun has wounded your lusus. He looks bad.

You don't think he's going to make it.

======>

He's lying on the floor, bleeding heavily. Your toys all over the floor are getting covered in his blood.

Your clothes are soaked too.

He's still growling. It looks like he's trying to get up and keep biting at you.

How did this happen?

Zebrek: twinkleberry oh no twinkleberry im sorry im so sorry!

======>

He's...

There's nothing you can do for him. He looks like he's in pain.

There's only one thing you can do.

Zebrek: no no twinkleberry i cant!
Zebrek: i cant do that to you i cant!
Zebrek: please get up! please get better twinkleberry please!

======>

You can't bring yourself to do it.

Zebrek: i cant!
Zebrek: i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant!

======>

You- you-

There's-

There's no choice, is there?

Zebrek: twinkleberry im sorry this is all my fault!
Zebrek: please you cant die!

======>

You have to do this.

He's your friend and he's in pain, and there's nothing else that can be done.

> Zebrek: Take devilbeast behind the lawnring maintenance tool storage block and blow its head off.

You take Twinkleberry in your arms, trying to make him as comfortable as possible.

You barely notice where you're going. Before you know it, you've exited your cave and now you're outside.

Nearby, there's a hill with a large tree at the top. You and Twinkleberry play there all the time, it's his favorite place in the world.

> Climb hill.

You reach the top of the hill and place Twinkleberry on the ground.

You... you can't think of anything to say.

======>

Zebrek: twinkleberry
Zebrek: im so sorry

> Take aim.

You take your shotgun and point it at your wounded lusus.

> Close your eyes.

You can't watch.

> Do it.

Bard The 5th LW

02-02-2011, 07:37 PM

>[S] Leraje: Sleep.

00:03:27

As Leraje slept, the sky lit up. The fires of the meteor were clear in sight, and the clouds began to part. Nothing seemed to be resulting from the nap as the space rock approached.

>Seymour: Intervene

You don't have time to find the boy, and even then you doubt he could do anything. It is up to you to take matters into your own hands.

>Ascend

You make your way to land and begin climbing to the topmost part of the Hive.

00:02:01

>Seymour: Do something awesome

Wait for it.

00:00:15

Now!

SLAM!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWKQiZVBtu4)

Leaping into the air, the giant Lusus collides into the somewhat more giant space rock. The Meteor briefly begins to stall in the sky upon the impacts, and cracks form across its rocky surface. As its descent slows and it falls to pieces, the countdown is completed.

00:00:00

>[S (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eFn8Cgcx8g)]Leraje: Enter

Upon awakening, you discover that you are apparently not in mortal peril. From outside your HIVE you can hear a soft beating noise happening at a constant interval. The ground Also shakes slight with beat.

Examination the outside shows that the sky above your dwelling has become and odd shade of pink. You're hive is suspended upon series of large intertwining wires that appear strongly like veins. Inside the cardiovascular system, red blood is being pumped across. A greasy black sludge is occasionally seen flowing through it though, and this same oily substance also coats certain parts of the ground.

Far above the roof of the hive, and indigo light glows. Its pretty far though, that'll take quite a bit of building.

========>

Overcast

02-05-2011, 08:27 AM

========>

You slip back into your old clothes as you examine where you are. Altogether the place is kind of weird, definitely not what you expected after Caoway's place. You shrug and pick up you pdhand from the ground and prepare to get back in touch with Burgun.

>Leraje: Strife!

You hear the bounding before it comes...and that is strange. You turn around, your chains pulled from your strife specibus almost immediately and see what you expected...but not what you expected.

>Leraje: Drop chain.

You drop your weapon uselessly to the ground, your hands shaking in shock. Seymour stands snarling at you on the floor, indigo blood making a mess. His tail shrivled and black, a couple of his legs completely gone, his back badly burnt.

Lususlog:
AP: Seymour! What happened to you?!

Seymour's eyes spoke for him, he wanted to fight. Just like he always did he wanted to fight. He bounded uselessly across the floor, his whole body wreckage, his blood running everywhere as he tried to attack his young ward. He tried to leap for a chomp but missed even without Leraje trying to dodge,

Lususlog:
AP: Stop it! You're hurt, weak, I can't fight you right now. We need to do something about your wounds.

He growled when he said weak, his eyes burning with hate. He was not weak! He was a fighter, a hunter, he was a feared monstrosity and the boy would respect him! He whipped his pathetic excuse for a tail at Leraje and surprisingly it actually hit him, but it just broke open on contact forcing a massive roar as he collapsed to the ground,

Lususlog:
AP: Seymour...

He stared up at the boy, he couldn't fight anymore. He laid his head uselessly on the ground and curled up. He didn't want to be healed, some of these wounds would never seal properly, not with the burns. If he lived past this he would be a useless cripple, and he could not live like that. He would be no one's burden. He was strong...he wanted to die strong.

Lususlog:
AP: I understand.

Leraje moved back to his chains and picked them up off the ground, his hands shaking, and tears rolling down his face. His hands gripped the chains till his hands bled and he finally turned around. One shivering hand raised up for Seymour to see, challenging him. And the beast smiled, rose up one last time and bounded for him. Mouth wide open to chomp his delicious form.

Leraje jumped forward and wrapped the chain around his neck, then leapt up for the rafters throwing the chain between the beams and jumped down and all the force he could muster and tugged the chain. Seymour was yanked into the air with a violent snap. And it was over.

And Leraje couldn't turn around. He fell off his chain and hit the ground hard, he couldn't move. His hands gripped his hair and he couldn't stop shaking. The tears kept coming. His mind flashed to all the years he'd fought him, that image of invincibility crashing down as his tears dropped to the bloodstained floor. His fingers ripped at his skin, his teeth grit tight, till he was bleeding as well. He was beyond help.

>Be someone less traumatized.

Menarker

02-06-2011, 01:33 AM

> Be someone less traumatized.

You're now Sharl again, who is only SOMEWHAT traumatized since the disaster which took place also removed him of his biggest headache since his hatching day! For that matter, your conversation with Tergum has netted you a new potential customer!

... Although things are not completely in your favor or in control...

> You gotta clean up that awful mess downstairs!

Sharl rushed downstairs toward the primary storage room where the clusterfuck of events exploded. Detouring to the janitorial room, you grab a mop, several bottles of bleach and an extra bucket... of which there are several...

Laziness and hopelessness overtakes the merchant troll though as the mess left by the lusus is much more than you'd ever be able to clean up... Plus, this is menial work that you always left to that crappy lusus of yours. Now you gotta find another employee... And there is that concern about a METEOR GOING TO DESTROY THE WORLD AND ALL YOUR STUFF! Sharl rushed back upstairs, having readjusted his priorities a bit.

> Sharl, there are more messages! You must have missed them while you were trying to clean up!

Sharl propped himself up to the computer, adjusting the bucket on his head as he read the messages that have apparently been there for a little while...

omnipotentOmnivore [OO] began trolling butketHed [BH]
OO: sharl
OO: are you there?
OO: i really need to talk
OO: .......
OO: sharl?
OO: where are you?
OO: ....
OO: ]:'-(
omnipotentOmnivore [OO] stopped trolling.
butketHed [BH] began trolling omnipotentOmnivore [OO]
BH: :sweatdrop My apologies for my delay.
BH: A series of events had occurred. Rather troublesome. :mad:
BH: But I'm here now. How can I help you?
omnipotentOmnivore [OO] began trolling butketHed [BH]
OO: oh you're back
OO: shorry for bothering you...
OO: i've
OO: ....
OO: had a bad night.
OO: um
OO: about that oven i wanted...
OO: i'm not sure if i really want it anymore...
OO: shomething bad happened.
BH: :raise: I see. Well, that's not a problem. Would you mind terribly if I asked you what went wrong? You seem rather... distraught.
OO: dishtraught
OO: yesh. that'sh a good deshcriptor
OO: ...
OO: nommington
OO: ...
OO: the oven exploded in my upper kitchen-block
OO: and nommington wash there when it blew out
OO: it wash all my fault.
OO: i don't really feel much like cooking in that room any more
OO: or
OO: at all.
BH: :( Ouch, that's tragic. You must have been very close to him.
BH: My lusus just died as well.
BH: Although I'm oddly not quite that upset... considering he kinda did it to himself despite my warnings. :argh:
OO: oh! i'm shorry!
OO: ...
OO: nommington, piron'sh lushush, tergum'sh lushush, your lushush..
OO: what'sh going on?
OO: and then all thish talk about meteorsh
BH: :knowledge: Actually, I might have a little insight about this... >_>
BH: I am also in a conversation with Tergum and apparently, he's aware that other troll's lususes are dying out as well... And he theorized that the sgrub game...
BH: I can't pretend to fully understand it all myself, but it somehow is not a mere stroke of luck. I personally think that we should look more into this game's mechanics...
OO: ...
OO: the... game?
BH: :hush: Apparently everyone who had dead lususes had started installing the game or had installed it. And the results came shortly after. And apparently the meteors are part of it.
OO: aldurin'sh game...
OO: killed my nommington
OO: thish game
OO: killed my besht friend
OO: .....
OO: ...aldurin...
OO: I WILL KILL HIM!
BH: :ohdear: Can I just interject for a moment?
BH: This game is apparently a team game. I'll be willing to help you out. But we should probably find out more about how it works before slaying potential allies... even if Aldurin was responsible.
BH: :crossarms: We should probably check out the memos.
OO: ....
OO: ....
OO: i guessh that makesh shenshe...
OO: but don't think thish meansh i've forgiven him!
OO: he'sh totally not going to get thish recipe book i shpent half a night working on for him
OO: and i can't promishe i won't kill and eat him if i run into him.
BH: Well, that is up to you. But if you need any help, don't forget me. ;) I might have some useful goods which might help you.
BH: And even if I don't, I still offer my support.
OO: thanksh
OO: i think i need to think thish over. thish ish...
OO: a lot to try and comprehend all at once...
OO: i don't really know what to do.
OO: thish game, nommington, the meteors...
OO: i have a lot to think about.
OO: i'll talk to you later, okay?
BH: Certainly. I'll hopefully be available at the earliest convenience if you ever need me. :)
OO: thanksh. i appreciate it.

omnipotentOmnivore [OO] ceased trolling butketHed [BH]

> That's horrible...

:( It certainly is. A big oven like that would have been a very nice sale. That was easily several thousands down the drain... :crying:

> Aside from that! Oh, another message just popped up!

-- hazardousPractitioner [HP] has begun trolling butketHed [BH] --

HP: Sharl, just cancel the last damn order!
HP: Im done I quit
BH: :( Alright. I'll withdraw your order. But has something happened to you that prompted this choice?
HP: Just the revelation that im the worst fucking doctor ever
HP: Freaking patient this morning died Cathara died goddamit everyone dies
HP: Im done. Done with doctoring with surgery and with those fucking x's where the damn o's belong
HP: Going to call in the fucking carpenter drones and have them tear the damn morgue down
BH: :ohdear: Wow. That indeeds sounds like a terrible series of events.
BH: :raise: Hold on, Cathara... Is that the name of your lusus?
HP: Yeah she was my nurse and she freaking choked to death after trying to eat the corpse of the last fucking corpse
BH: Well, I have some information that you should probably know about...
BH: I don't know if it would make you feel any better... but this is not a isolated incident. >_>
BH: Several lususii have perished at a VERY ALARMING rate. Mine too. Not very long ago.
BH: By any chance, have you started installing this game called Sgrub? That seems to be a common link between everyone with those incidents... :crossarms:
HP: Aldurin's fucking fakey fake apocalypse generator?
HP: No Im not going to even give the guy the satisfaction of playing the game, it'll probably just set my grubtop on fire or something.
HP: I really dont even care about it anymore he can go ahead and blow himself up im done
BH: Well... see... the game also seems to have triggered meteors... So it might not just be your grubtop that ends up on fire... if you get my drift... >_<
BH: I'm trying to catch up on the memos to see if there is any way to deal with this clusterfuck of a mess! It is honestly no good for business if I die and it's not much better if fine trolls like you perish either. :3:
HP: Dont even fucking joke about it Sharl
HP: I already saw Capiti's freaking retard board and I don't believe a word of it
HP: If it really does bring meteors then fine
HP: Let the fucking space rocks fall I dont give a nook's cranny
BH: I see. Well, if you ever change your mind, feel free to look me up. :) I will still keep stock of things for you or perhaps be able to supply assistance in some way or other.
HP: Yeah whatever
HP: Let Iropha know that we probably won't be having much more business together
BH: Very well. ~.~ Out of curiousity, what do you plan to do now? Do you have a plan for a new goal or profession?
HP: Fuck if I know, i'd probably be better at anything else though
HP: Maybe a fucking mortician or something gog knows I've dealt with enough corpses
HP: Anyways im out off to cancel future appointments
BH: I wish you luck with your future endeavors and my service is open if you ever need it.
HP: Whatever

-- hazardousPractitioner [HP] has ceased trolling butketHed [BH] --

> ...That's terrible!

:wtf:

"THIS IS A DISASTER!"

"This... This should not have happened!"

> That's right! Now you're talking!

:mad: "I JUST LOST ONE OF MY BEST CUSTOMERS! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? OUT OF ALL POSSIBLE TROLLS? WHAT DID I EVER DO THAT WAS SO WRONG?"

> ... Oh, another message!

-- eloquentOrchestrator [EO] began trolling butketHed [BH] --

EO: SharL i haVe a pRoblEm
EO: I may Need To caNcel Any aNd alL futUre oRderS
EO: SomeThinG has HappEned That ChanGes eVeryThinG
BH: :eek: Alright. I will be willing to proceed with the cancellations if you truly feel that way. However, may perhaps ask about your given situation? There might be some way I could provide assistance.
BH: :raise: Or is your circumstances related to the recent wave of lusuii related deaths?
EO: What? No thAts nOt it
EO: Well ShelLy diD die But i Know The gAme cAn brIng hEr baCk
BH: :aaa: Really? I didn't hear anything about that. I would be interested to hear about that. :confused: But what is the real issue then?
EO: Ok woW i waSnt pLannIng oN goiNg inTo deTail But wHo knOws iT migHt heLp
EO: I saw MyseLf
EO: Like LiteRallY me, bUt frOm thE futUre
EO: And hE/i waS dyiNg
EO: ThaT is tHe prObleM, i am GoinG to dIe
BH: :ohdear: ... that is very disturbing and depressing news indeed. Do you have any information about the circumstances of that future? Couldn't you feasibly avoid fulfilling it by steering clear of it?
EO: Well He diD say SomeThinG aboUt me Not bEing Him?
EO: And tHat hE was DoomEd anD thaT i waSnt?
EO: But tHat dOesnT makE any SensE, how Can hE be mE but I canT be hIm?
BH: :confused: Hmmm... Don't take this the wrong way, but how reliable is this source that you saw this omen from? It could have been a mere dream or there be some sort of mistake somewhere but I don't want to discount that it might be something more, given the weird shit going on lately.
BH: For that matter, I am entrigued... :crossarms:
BH: Lusii dying left and right triggered by the same source, and you say that somehow they could be revived within the content of a GAME? If that is somehow true, then do you feel that what you saw might also have some otherworldly connection that would make sense?
BH: I guess what I'm getting at is... Do you feel this... doppleganger is truly similar to you? And if so, do you trust him or rather yourself when he says that?
EO: Oh goG i am Such A patHetiC wriGgleR
EO: YourE rigHt it Was pRobaBly aLl soMe twIsteD delUsioN i thOughT up tO givE mysElf sOme fAke hOpe tHat sHellY wasNt reAlly Dead
EO: I am sO gogDamnEd STuPID
EO: Wait I thiNk i jUst hEard SomeThinG froM upsTairS, brb
BH: Alright. I'll keep your items on hold in the meantime. So no worries. :cool: And if you need any other assistance, I'll offer whatever I can. ^^
EO: IT WaS NOt A DReAM!!!!!!
EO: He juSt unLeasHed tHe fulL furY of mY walL of aMps, i ThinK
EO: My earS are StilL rinGing...
EO: Oh maN my hIve iS proBablY in rUins Now
EO: FortUnatEly tHis mEans ThreE thiNgs aRe trUe
EO: He haS to bE me, bEcauSe i cOuld Feel My owN psYchiC eneRgy
EO: HoweVer i Am noT him BecaUse i Am noT stuPid eNougH to tUrn tHat wAll hIgheR thaN two, Let aLone Try a PsycHic aTtacK for WhatEver BullShit ReasOn
EO: And fInalLy whAt he Said AbouT our LusiI is tRue, wHich Is thAt thEy caN be bRougHt baCk wiTh thE gamE, somEthiNg abOut pRotoTypiNg a kErneL-somEthiNg
BH: That is... enlightening for certain. :knowledge:
BH: Do you have any plans on what you will do next? Are you going to follow that trail of hints?
EO: I thiNk im GoinG to gO looK oveR somE of tHose TranS-timElinE memOs, im Not sUre iTs saFe to LeavE the Sub-bAsemEnt sO sooN aftEr whAt thAt idIot dId anD i neEd to Kill Some Time
BH: I see. Well, I appreciate you coming to talk with me about this. There are quite a few people who will be VERY relieved to hear what you told me. :D I'll be sure to pass it on.
BH: Meanwhile, I'll hold onto your things in case anything changes in the near future. I hope can be of some assistance.
BH: That said, I got some craft-troll tools to help repair your hive for cheap!
BH: If you need anything at all, look me up. I'll do what I can to offer you my service. ;)
EO: Yeah It woUld bE a shAme fOr thOse iNstrUmenTs to Go to WastE
EO: Time Will Tell I gueSs
BH: Indeed. ^,^ Well, I got some things to take care of. I wish you the best of luck. Hoping that we meet again in more favorable conditions.
EO: FavoRablE for You pErhaPs...
EO: Im goIng tO havE to rEplaCe evErytHing FutuRe me BrokE witH thaT stuNt of His aNd it Wont Be chEap
BH: :raise: Do you feel he has a purpose for that? :crossarms: If we are both to assume he's on your side, then do you feel there was some sort of constructive purpose for the destructive mayhem?
EO: I supPose I wilL finD out EvenTualLy, anD hopEfulLy i cAn stEer cLear Of thAt faTe liKe yoU saiD
EO: UntiL theN, gooD lucK witH busInesS shaRl
EO: Ill tAlk tO you LateR

-- eloquentOrchestrator [EO] ceased trolling butketHed [BH] --

> Wow... TRIPLE SEQUENTIAL TRANSACTION FAILURE COMBO... Hey, are you ok there?

...

> Say something! How about you start by taking a deep breath? And unclenching your fists?

"uUUUUUUURRRRGGGGGGAAAAAGHHHHH!"

:argh:

"ALDURIN! YOU ARE GOING TO PAY ME BACK FOR EVERYTHING! THE LOSS OF PROFITS! LOSING MY CUSTOMERS! KILLING MY ONLY EMPLOYEE, MY LUSUS!"

> But didn't you hated your lusus!? You were so happy when he died!

:mad: Sharl glared violently as the attempt to add a logical assertion was unappreciated in his raging monologue.

"HE MAY HAVE BEEN A SHITTY WORKER AND A WORTHLESS LUSUS,
BUT HE WAS MINE, DAMNIT!

Sharl continued to grumble loudly as he started typing on his grubtop, presumably to message Iropha to cancel the deliveries...

> Screw this, I'm out of here. Be someone else...

mauve

02-08-2011, 05:38 AM

> Screw this, I'm out of here. Be someone else...

Congratulations! You are now SOMEONE ELSE!

> Which troll am I now?

The sad one.

> ...be more specific.

The one who lost a lusus.

> Keep going.

The one who trolled Sharl to cancel an order.

> Er...

...You're Gorrma.

> Oh. Okay then.

You still sit on the floor, staring blankly at the glowing HUSKTOP SCREEN. You've been like this for some time now.

You have no motivation to leave this spot. What's the point? You're completely alone now. This little glowing box is your only lifeline to the outside world. Your only connection to anyone who even knows you exist.

>....um, you can still just go outside.

You just don't get it, do you?

> Whatever. Get trolled by someone.

The husktop pings, your Trollian informing you that Sharl is finally responding to your message. You stare blankly at the flashing icon for a moment. It takes you a moment to decide whether to answer it at this point. Should you bother? It won't help anything.

butketHed [BH] began trolling omnipotentOmnivore [OO]
BH: My apologies for my delay.
BH: A series of events had occurred. Rather troublesome.
BH: But I'm here now. How can I help you?

Well, as long as he's here, you might as well apologize for wasting his time. You are backing out of your order at the last minute, after all. You offer a weary apology, and eventually the conversation turns to Nommington. Sharl fills you in on the goings-on of your fellow trolls.

That's when it hits you.

All these deaths. All connected by a single, innocent factor. A game.

A game distributed by a friend.

These deaths... This wasn't an accident.

This was an epidemic.

This was murder.

OO: aldurin'sh game...
OO: killed my nommington
OO: thish game
OO: killed my besht friend
OO: .....
OO: ...aldurin...
OO: I WILL KILL HIM!

Sharl stresses caution, patience. SGRUB still held many secrets-- acting now could prove fatal to everyone.

Very well. You'll agree to wait it out until the proper moment. But you need to think about all this. The new possibilities... It's dizzying. You say goodbye to your new ally, promising not to make any move against Aldurin yet.

...But what Sharl doesn't know can't hurt him.

> Gorrma: Make him pay

No, not yet. You... can't truly believe Aldurin would do this. Why would he harm your lusii? He was your friend!

You have to know the truth.

omnipotentOmnivore [OO] began trolling technopaticalAnomaly [TA]
OO: derpah
OO: we need to talk.
OO: now.

He answers almost immediately. Maybe he'll be apologetic and offer you an honest explanation right off the bat?

TA: yOU'rE nOt gOIng In yEt, gOrrmA
TA: yEs, I knOw thE mEtEOrs ArE fUckIng scArY
TA: hEll, I wIshEd I wEnt In fIrst, And nOt hAvE tO wAIt UntIl thE End . . .
TA: yOU'll hAvE tO wAIt UntIl zEbrEk EntErs, sIncE OthErwIsE It'd bE A hUgE scrAmblE

Oh for the love of...

OO: no.
OO: no.
OO: thish ishn't about the pail-damned meteorsh or wanting to play a pail-damned game.
OO: thish ish about your shtupid game
OO: KILLING MY BEST FRIEND
OO: what ish wrong with you?!
OO: how could you do thish?!
OO: MY LUSUS DIED BECAUSE OF YOU
OO: TERGUM'S LUSUS DIED BECAUSE OF YOU
OO: PIRON'S LUSUS DIED BECAUSE OF YOU.
OO: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US?!?
OO: revenge?? what?? what have we done to you?!
OO: i don't want to be in your shtupid game
OO: i don't want anything to do with it!
OO: I WANT NOMMINGTON BACK
OO: but that'sh not going to happen, is it?
OO: thanksh to you.
TA: . . .
TA: Hang on, let me check the memos . . .
TA: Okay I'm willing to admit that this game is doing much more than I expected
TA: But why are you blaming me?
TA: I know that this must be hard for you, but trying to convict someone for it won't make Nommington come back
TA: I'll say I'm truly sorry for what happened, this was not my intention for things to turn out
TA: But can you be sure it's the game? I think it may just be a terrible coincidence
OO: sharl shaysh everyone who hash losht a lushush in the pasht few hoursh hash
OO: inshtalled your game.
OO: i thought you shaid you looked at the code for thish thing
OO: how could you not know?!?
TA: I hardly know shit about this thing.
TA: I've spent months toiling over unrecognizable gibberish trying to make it into proper computer code!!
TA: Almost everything that came out consisted of event triggers and prerequisites of functions that shouldn't exist and and stuff that shouldn't work!!
TA: What little is in the guide is the result of much guesswork by both me and Herpey, not even he knows the true extent of the game!!
TA: Wait, let me look over a certain section, I may be able to identify the cause . . .
TA: Nevermind my head is starting to hurt from it again
TA: But if this does have something to do with the game, I better make sure the others know

Your rage calms ever-so-slightly. He didn't know? So he didn't do this on purpose?

Oh, he's still typing. Wait, what did he just say?

TA: Regardless, please put some more thought into what you're planning to do before more people get hurt

WHAT?!?

Put more thought into what YOU do?!?

How could---?!?

What did---?!?

......

> Gorrma: Flip the f*ck out.

OO: ....
OO: ....
OO: ....
OO: you're ashking ME to put more thought into what I'M doing??
OO: you're warning ME about people getting hurt?
OO: you...
OO: i...
OO: ....
OO: ....heh.
OO: hahahah.
OO: Hahahaaaa!!!!!
OO: yesh.
OO: that would be unfortunate.
OO: It would be sad if the girl who lost everything she cared about decided to do
OO: something rash.
OO: Wouldn't it?
TA: . . . Gorrma?
TA: Okay I admit I should have thought this over much more
TA: Probably even burned the disk when I found it
TA: But now things are too late to reverse, we'll have to live with my mistake
TA: Give me time to prove I didn't mean to cause this kind of personal suffering for you
OO: .....
OO: .....
OO: ...fine.
OO: i'll give you time to prove it.
OO: if you can.
OO: i'd need time to pick out a shuitable rechipe anyway before exacting a proper revenge,
OO: and half of my rechipe booksh burned alongshide nommingt---
OO: ...
OO: ...yeah.
OO: you'd besht decide whether you prefer original recipe or extra crishpy.

technopathicalAnomaly [TA] ceased trolling omnipotentOmnivore [OO]

Yeah, he'd BETTER run.

Aldurin was dead meat.

It was decided. You would take up the mantle of Junior Gourmancer once more. But this time, it was not for personal gain.

This time, you were hungry for revenge.

Aldurin

02-11-2011, 11:37 PM

>Let's see how Aldurin is responding to this

You are now past Aldurin, about a hour into the past

>Dammit

Everything seems to be working out well enough, but you'd prefer that everyone refrains from waiting until they can smell the meteor to escape. At least nobody is flipping out and dying yet.

> Do something.

You're currently performing a hive-wide equipment check. So far all terminals, lock-down doors, internal security equipment and stairs are working in proper condition. You'd check the outside sensors but you probably don't have time for that and everything nearby is gonna be panicked shitless by the impending doom.

> Do something else, this is boring.

You just have to check two more terminals and you'll be done, stop whining.

> Examine area with terminal.

http://i841.photobucket.com/albums/zz339/EvilEarl/hivecorner.jpg

> What's that blue stuff on the wall?

Those are blueprints, idiot. Various designs for weapons and other devices, but mostly weapons. Most of your work is still in concept, though you do have a few physical prototypes. You'll probably do an inventory of your blueprints later, since you might need to build one of these things to help you out.

This terminal is working fine, but it's pretty obvious it is since it's basically a monitor, graphics card and a keyboard. You've already checked the core and it's redundant backups of the main clusterhusk where most of the stuff happens.

> WHAT THE HELL THIS IS SO BORING JUST CHECK THE FINAL TERMINAL NOW PLEASE!!

Dammit you're worse than Nasryl. Fine. You proceed to the final terminal in Herpey's room.

http://i841.photobucket.com/albums/zz339/EvilEarl/herpeycorner.jpg

The terminal seems functional. It appears Herpey left it on while it's executing a sanity check on some custom file of his.

> Examine posters.

This is mostly an inspiration corner for the two of you, often bringing new ideas to mind after staring at if for several minutes. Some of these you've pulled from online, but some others are sketches done by Herpey. Of course being the enigmatic bastard he is, he won't tell you exactly what everything is or where it's from. Regardless these posters always seem to target that part of your soul that yearns destruction, that totally ditches the rules and doesn't give a shit about consequences.

> Please do something that relates to what everyone else is doing.

No you're still staring at the posters.

=======>

You're now at one of the main terminals.

>Main terminal?

It's one of your bigger ones with more functions. Currently you're trying to establish meteor impact sites using a 3D model of Alternia and astronomical data hacked from various observatories. You're not sure of the exact cause of doom, but the meteors are your best bet. You have already identified large crash sites approaching other hives, including miscellaneous meteors that seem to be randomly targeted.

> Check for nearby crash points near hive.

Odd, nothing. The closest predicted impact is a few hundred miles away. You find this rather disconcerting since all the other player's hives have big ones aimed right for them.

> Check long-term meteor tracking database.

You quickly bypass a few security measures and check the history for known meteors.

> Shit yourself at sight of the discovery.

That is totally undignified and you promptly refuse, though you must admit that you were pretty damn close to doing that. All meteors predicted to impact within this time frame don't exist on the long-term records. Rocks that huge should be seen weeks in advance. That's why Herpey didn't like the idea of this game at first. Meteors just don't come out of nowhere, yet these seem to be doing just that.

> Anticipate meteor coming out of nowhere.

You set the clusterhusk to give an alert when any potential impacts are detected. You now have some free time to monitor progress and think.

> Look at the big picture.

You proceed to think about just what you have done. You've apparently set into motion a series of events that are leading to Alternia being completely wiped out, killing millions in the process.

Whatever they were going to murder each other eventually anyway.

>Answer someone

Nobody is trolling you right no-wait, one of your internet monitoring programs picked up something.

>Examine

It appears every fileshare site has a new top download . . . the same top download.

Wait, that's your game, how did it get out there? That shouldn't have happened.

A closer look indicates that Burgun, one of Caoway's picks for his team, decided it'd be good to spread the game. If the meteors are the actual means of destroying the world then this is an even bigger problem.

>Interrogate the Pugilist

technopathicalAnomaly [TA] began trolling brutalTrifecta [BT]
TA: I'vE bEEn mOnItOrIng wOrld-wIdE nEtwOrk ActIvItY
TA: And OddlY EnOUgh OnE Of thE tOp dOwnlOAds sEEms tO bE THE FUCKING GAME I WROTE!!
TA: yOUr frIEnds ArE pUblIclY cOmmEndIng yOU fOr sprEAdIng It lIkE A dIsEAsE
TA: sO I hAvE bUt OnE thIng tO sAy bUrgUn . . .
TA: I DID NOT SLAP A FUCKING TROLL GPL LICENSE ON THIS GAME OR GIVE ANY INDICATION THAT THE MASS-DISTRIBUTION OF IT WAS NECESSARY!!!
TA: WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!?!?!
BT: doeees this meeean you'reee theee oneee REEESPONSIBLEEE for making this world-killing ABOMINATION?
BT: beeecauseee if so i think you'veee got someee biggeeer things to worry about than digital PIRACY.
TA: wAIt, cAOwAy dIdn't tEll yOU?
TA: nEvErmInd, dId yOU At lEAst fOrgEt tO tEll yOUr frIEnds hOw It wOrks?
BT: i haveeen't talkeeed to caoway much.
BT: and i don't know all that much about the GAMEEE, i just seeent it and that GUIDEEE-to-not-dying-for-assholeees thing.
TA: YOU SENT WHAT?!?!?!
TA: THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE
TA: YOU JUST ALLOWED FOR AN UTTER SHITLOAD OF SESSIONS TO START WITHIN THE TIME WE'RE TAKING TO TRY TO DO THIS
TA: THE CURRENT METEOR STORM YOU'RE SEEING IS MOST LIKELY THE RESULT OF OUR SESSION
TA: NOW THINK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THOUSANDS OF SESSIONS ACTIVATE SIMULTANEOUSLY
TA: THE RESULTING METEOR SHOWER WOULD CAUSE TOO MUCH COLLATERAL DAMAGE TO HIVES NEAR THE TARGET AND KILL PLAYERS IN OTHER SESSIONS
TA: THIS THEN RESULTS WITH NUMEROUS BROKEN CHAINS WITH CONSEQUENCES THAT NOBODY IS SURE OF YET
BT: YOU programmeeed a gameee deeesigneeed to kill EEEVEEERYONEEE IN THEEE WORLD,
BT: eeexceeept for peeeopleee who areee playing it,
BT: and YOU haveee theee SHAMEEE GLOBEEES to giveee meee grieeef about theee "unforeeeseeen conseeequeeenceees" of someeeoneee spreeeading theee gameee to otheeers???
BT: did you someeehow fail to think that theee trolls playing this gameee might haveee SOMEEEONEEE theeey'd likeee to keeep ALIVEEE???
BT: you teeell meee, haveee YOU thought about what YOU'VEEE DONEEE???
BT: HAVEEE YOU?
TA: You don't understand the powers at work here
TA: NOBODY does
TA: I just found this in a stupid temple and spent several months compiling it, unsure of what exactly it was or what it did
TA: but this looks like the start of something new, the start of the ultimate advancement of the trolls as a race
TA: our society is focused on the present, focused on the values of strength and power
TA: there is a severe decline in the focus on intellectual enlightenment, in anything other than being the strongest troll or the best fight or the best at something superficial and temporary
TA: The collapse of our society was inevitable, those who wanted to achieve something better would eventually rebel
TA: Our technologies and weapons and military organization would ensure mass murder, destruction of most of our planet
TA: And nothing would be gained from it
BT: its official: our planeeet has beeen razeeed by a moronic savant with no seeenseee of scaleee or seeelf-preeeseeervation.
BT: MOST OF THE TROLLS WHO DO ANYTHING USEEEFUL ARE OFF-PLANEEET, YOU BLIND LUNATIC!!!
BT: at worst you'reee killing off a feeew GEEENEEERATIONS of trolls who haveeen't eeeveeen had a chanceee to PROVEEE theeemseeelveees.
BT: theee EEEMPEEEREEESS is safeee, the bulk of our MILITARY is safeee, and theeey probably have a SPAREEE MATRIORB or threee just for occasions likeee this!!!
TA: Wars only bring trolls apart, this on the other hand will give them a moment to reflect, to unify
TA: I understand that there will be survivors that don't play this game, and all I hope is that they pause and think about what they are doing too
TA: If this does happen to be in vain, then whatever
TA: thE mAIn pOInt Is, I'm On An AdvEntUrE Of A lIfEtImE
BT: you stupid, short-sighteeed SIMPLEEETON.
BT: do you know what will happeeen?
BT: most of theee planeeet's surfaceee will beee reeeduceeed to RUBBLEEE,
BT: theee fleeet may or may not arriveee BEEEFOREEE the meeeteeeors can finish theee job.
BT: but wheeen theeey'reee combing through theee DEEBRIS, theeey'll find NOTHING of valueee.
BT: maybeee theeey'll figureee out it was someeeoneee likeee YOU who brought theee MEEETEEEORS down.
BT: but i doubt it.
BT: theeey'll leeearn NOTHING, and eeeveeerything will go on as beeeforeee once theeey'veee reeebuilt.
BT: what did you think??? that theeey would seee all the DEEESTRUCTION and think theeey had doneee wrong?
TA: I'm just giving them my two cents worth
TA: If they reject it, then they can go on with their ways
TA: I figure I'll be focused on bigger matters within a few hours
TA: But you're also trying to send other trolls to the same enlightenment, albiet with the intention of using the game as a mere sanctuary
TA: Everyone has their own ways of trying to spread-openmindedness
TA: You and I are now of those trolls attempting that very same goal
TA: nOw I bElIEvE yOU wIll nEEd tO sErvEr fOr sOmEbOdY sOOn
TA: thUs AdvAncIng OUr Own AttEmpts At fIndIng thE pOtEntIAl Of thE gAmE yOU hAvE pUt OUt fOr EvErYOnE tO trY
BT: okay, you know what?
BT: what you'veee just said is oneee of theee most INSANEEELY IDIOTIC things i haveee eeeveeer heeeard.
BT: at no point in your rambling, INCOHEEEREEENT reeesponseee weeereee you eeeveeen CLOSEEE to anything that could beee consideeereeed a rational thought!!!
BT: i feeel dumbeeer having just REEEAD it.
BT: i SINCEEEREEELY hopeee, for both our sakeees, that weee neeeveeer haveee to meeet.
BT: beeecauseee if weee do i'll just haveee to KICK THEEE STUPID OUT OF YOU!!!
brutalTrifecta [BT] has ceased trolling technopathicAnomaly [TA]

You swear, nobody has any outward perspective. Unfortunately you can't really dwell on that now, since you need to go back to keeping track of these psychos. You have doubts about their survival skills.

You open up a window of the Trollian network and begin monitoring the memos.

> Be someone doing something awesome.

Bard The 5th LW

02-15-2011, 09:50 PM

>Be someone doing something Awesome

There are two players capable of fulfilling this description.

As the MAGE OF HEART and SAGE OF WAVES take their points in the LAND OF PAIN AND HEARTSTRINGS and LAND OF TIDE AND ADVENTURE respectively, they begin to encounter some of the more negative ilk that had taken residence in their new lands.

From behind Caoway, the sounds of more clutter being thrown around could be heard. The imp had friends. This time 3 CALCIUM IMPS barged in, one weilding a pair of scythes instead of hands and its head sprouting a pair of antennae. The second one had a singular claw and scythe, its face armed with whiskers and very bug like eyes. The third imp's head was shaped much like a spade, and it ended in a razor sharp point. It bore a spearlike diamon on its right hand, and its left was a scythe, its teeth and face resembling Beechie.

Upon witnessing the pile of GRIST that Caoway had created from their slain comrade, the trio grew very angry quickly. With shouts, cries, and bared teeth they charged at Caoway with their dangerous appendages ready to strike out against the sage.

Leraje also had his own troubles to deal with. Moments after giving Seymour his final request, a loud romping sound could be heard, with what sounded like splashing of liquid.

From almost nowhere, the SHALE IMPS spawned, and the mob of five came at Leraje from different directions, each carrying seperate qualities of the Shipping Wall, Strize, and Beechie. The nearest of the small oil-based monstrosities took quite an interest in the slain lusus's corpse. It stumbled along clumbsily as it began to reach an arm out to examine the large lizard carcass.

If either were to have their server read up on their GRIST CACHE, they would find these results.

CAOWAY: 20 Build Grist, 15 Calcium
LERAJE: 200 Build Grist

Best get grinding if you plan on passing beyond your first gate.

Loyal

02-15-2011, 10:15 PM

> Why don't we see what Burgun's up to.

You're doing okay, for the moment. Just getting a better view for the destruction called down by the game you're about to play. The game that will also ensure your own safety. The game that you, through one Neethe Clodle, have distributed to most of the on-planet trolls in a desperate bid to save as many lives as possible.

It's an unseasonably warm Alternian evening, the COMMUNAL HIVESTEMS are being devastated by cosmic bombardment, and the twin moons are barely visible through the smoke, heat, and haze.

You have no idea how long it'll take for this game to conclude and return you to safety, even if you are victorious, but it looks like you can say goodbye to your military tenure. You were looking FORWARD to that, it would have been a worthy way to live your life, and when necessary, give it up. Instead you get to play games for wigglers and possibly lose your friends to meteors.

If you ever figure out who's responsible for this you're going to find a way to get to them and kick them in the teeth.

> Survey damages.

http://img405.imageshack.us/img405/3564/trollslum011.png
The building behind you has been halfway vaporized. One of the hiveblocks you recognize as your kismesis' former residence has sustained damage from the debris of the other hiveblocks above.

http://img253.imageshack.us/img253/1015/trollslum012.gif
Now REALLY isn't the time to be thinking of that asshole, but you nonetheless allow yourself a smirk as you imagine how he'd be reacting if he knew his home and belongings were being destroyed. He was always very careful to keep his things in good condition... even as he left it all behind.

Alright, that's enough of that.

http://img821.imageshack.us/img821/1912/trollslum013.png
You look up to see that your own hivestem, miraculously, hasn't been so much as grazed. You aren't willing to make any bets on how long that remains true, however. You better head back inside and hook up with Leraje, get this show on the road!

> Pester Leraje. Get this show on the road.

You return to your kitchen to find that someone else is pestering you already. Didn't this guy's name pop up on that memo you were reading earlier?

> Answer this new person, then.

http://img824.imageshack.us/img824/4520/trollslum014.png

technopathicalAnomaly [TA] began trolling brutalTrifecta [BT]
TA: I'vE bEEn mOnItOrIng wOrld-wIdE nEtwOrk ActIvItY
TA: And OddlY EnOUgh OnE Of thE tOp dOwnlOAds sEEms tO bE THE FUCKING GAME I WROTE!!
TA: yOUr frIEnds ArE pUblIclY cOmmEndIng yOU fOr sprEAdIng It lIkE A dIsEAsE
TA: sO I hAvE bUt OnE thIng tO sAy bUrgUn . . .
TA: I DID NOT SLAP A FUCKING TROLL GPL LICENSE ON THIS GAME OR GIVE ANY INDICATION THAT THE MASS-DISTRIBUTION OF IT WAS NECESSARY!!!
TA: WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!?!?!
BT: doeees this meeean you'reee theee oneee REEESPONSIBLEEE for making this world-killing ABOMINATION?
BT: beeecauseee if so i think you'veee got someee biggeeer things to worry about than digital PIRACY.
TA: wAIt, cAOwAy dIdn't tEll yOU?
TA: nEvErmInd, dId yOU At lEAst fOrgEt tO tEll yOUr frIEnds hOw It wOrks?
BT: i haveeen't talkeeed to caoway much.
BT: and i don't know all that much about the GAMEEE, i just seeent it and that GUIDEEE-to-not-dying-for-assholeees thing.
TA: YOU SENT WHAT?!?!?!
TA: THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE
TA: YOU JUST ALLOWED FOR AN UTTER SHITLOAD OF SESSIONS TO START WITHIN THE TIME WE'RE TAKING TO TRY TO DO THIS
TA: THE CURRENT METEOR STORM YOU'RE SEEING IS MOST LIKELY THE RESULT OF OUR SESSION
TA: NOW THINK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THOUSANDS OF SESSIONS ACTIVATE SIMULTANEOUSLY
TA: THE RESULTING METEOR SHOWER WOULD CAUSE TOO MUCH COLLATERAL DAMAGE TO HIVES NEAR THE TARGET AND KILL PLAYERS IN OTHER SESSIONS
TA: THIS THEN RESULTS WITH NUMEROUS BROKEN CHAINS WITH CONSEQUENCES THAT NOBODY IS SURE OF YET
BT: YOU programmeeed a gameee deeesigneeed to kill EEEVEEERYONEEE IN THEEE WORLD,
BT: eeexceeept for peeeopleee who areee playing it,
BT: and YOU haveee theee SHAMEEE GLOBEEES to giveee meee grieeef about theee "unforeeeseeen conseeequeeenceees" of someeeoneee spreeeading theee gameee to otheeers???
BT: did you someeehow fail to think that theee trolls playing this gameee might haveee SOMEEEONEEE theeey'd likeee to keeep ALIVEEE???
BT: you teeell meee, haveee YOU thought about what YOU'VEEE DONEEE???
BT: HAVEEE YOU?
TA: You don't understand the powers at work here
TA: NOBODY does
TA: I just found this in a stupid temple and spent several months compiling it, unsure of what exactly it was or what it did
TA: but this looks like the start of something new, the start of the ultimate advancement of the trolls as a race
TA: our society is focused on the present, focused on the values of strength and power
TA: there is a severe decline in the focus on intellectual enlightenment, in anything other than being the strongest troll or the best fight or the best at something superficial and temporary
TA: The collapse of our society was inevitable, those who wanted to achieve something better would eventually rebel
TA: Our technologies and weapons and military organization would ensure mass murder, destruction of most of our planet
TA: And nothing would be gained from it
BT: its official: our planeeet has beeen razeeed by a moronic savant with no seeenseee of scaleee or seeelf-preeeseeervation.
BT: MOST OF THE TROLLS WHO DO ANYTHING USEEEFUL ARE OFF-PLANEEET, YOU BLIND LUNATIC!!!
BT: at worst you'reee killing off a feeew GEEENEEERATIONS of trolls who haveeen't eeeveeen had a chanceee to PROVEEE theeemseeelveees.
BT: theee EEEMPEEEREEESS is safeee, the bulk of our MILITARY is safeee, and theeey probably have a SPAREEE MATRIORB or threee just for occasions likeee this!!!
TA: Wars only bring trolls apart, this on the other hand will give them a moment to reflect, to unify
TA: I understand that there will be survivors that don't play this game, and all I hope is that they pause and think about what they are doing too
TA: If this does happen to be in vain, then whatever
TA: thE mAIn pOInt Is, I'm On An AdvEntUrE Of A lIfEtImE
BT: you stupid, short-sighteeed SIMPLEEETON.
BT: do you know what will happeeen?
BT: most of theee planeeet's surfaceee will beee reeeduceeed to RUBBLEEE,
BT: theee fleeet may or may not arriveee BEEEFOREEE the meeeteeeors can finish theee job.
BT: but wheeen theeey'reee combing through theee DEEBRIS, theeey'll find NOTHING of valueee.
BT: maybeee theeey'll figureee out it was someeeoneee likeee YOU who brought theee MEEETEEEORS down.
BT: but i doubt it.
BT: theeey'll leeearn NOTHING, and eeeveeerything will go on as beeeforeee once theeey'veee reeebuilt.
BT: what did you think??? that theeey would seee all the DEEESTRUCTION and think theeey had doneee wrong?
TA: I'm just giving them my two cents worth
TA: If they reject it, then they can go on with their ways
TA: I figure I'll be focused on bigger matters within a few hours
TA: But you're also trying to send other trolls to the same enlightenment, albeit with the intention of using the game as a mere sanctuary
TA: Everyone has their own ways of trying to spread-openmindedness
TA: You and I are now of those trolls attempting that very same goal
TA: nOw I bElIEvE yOU wIll nEEd tO sErvEr fOr sOmEbOdY sOOn
TA: thUs AdvAncIng OUr Own AttEmpts At fIndIng thE pOtEntIAl Of thE gAmE yOU hAvE pUt OUt fOr EvErYOnE tO trY
BT: okay, you know what?
BT: what you'veee just said is oneee of theee most INSANEEELY IDIOTIC things i haveee eeeveeer heeeard.
BT: at no point in your rambling, INCOHEEEREEENT reeesponseee weeereee you eeeveeen CLOSEEE to anything that could beee consideeereeed a rational thought!!!
BT: i feeel dumbeeer having just REEEAD it.
BT: i SINCEEEREEELY hopeee, for both our sakeees, that weee neeeveeer haveee to meeet.
BT: beeecauseee if weee do i'll just haveee to KICK THEEE STUPID OUT OF YOU!!!
brutalTrifecta [BT] has ceased trolling technopathicAnomaly [TA]

You're certain you've never spoken to anyone so incredibly stupid in your entire life. And what was he doing, hiding his blood color like some insecure wiggler? A troll should be proud of the color of their blood, and show the world that they can do anything, ANYTHING, whatever their place on the hemospectrum!

Whatever. That's one kid you could stand to keep your distance from. You suppose if there's one good thing about Sgrub it's that it'll keep you as far away from him as possible. You're pretty certain he was on the "enemy" team, so there's basically no chance you could run into him at any point during your session.

...Okay, now someone else is trolling you. What does THIS guy want?

> Answer.
-- pascalsLieutenant [PL] has begun trolling brutalTrifecta [BT] --

PL: It has come to our attention that The Progenitor has been leased to other groups across Alternia.
PL: It is possible that they may travel off of Alternia if not stopped.
PL: I am disappointed to put it simply.
PL: They will have to be terminated individually it seems. No harm will be dealt to you however as long as you cease distribution.
PL: This is acceptable, correct.
Who is this asshole? He sounds like a massive tool, but... you can't shake the feeling that his words aren't entirely empty.
BT: who theee heeell is this?
BT: and what is this PROGEEENITOR thing? areee you talking about SGRUB?
BT: you'reee oneee of that creeep teeechnowhatshisfaceee's FRIEEENDS, areeen't you?
PL: I am an overseer, that is the simplest way to put it.
PL: Yes, the 'game' you know as Sgrub is indeed what I was referring to.
PL: Friend would be a very innacurate term as well.
PL: Are there any other comments or questions. I will be rather busy soon.
The nerve of this guy! Talking as though he weren't the one who contacted you!
BT: weeell, eeexcuseee meee for INFRINGING on your busy scheeeduleee.
BT: if you areeen't his frieeend, theeen why do you CAREEE about sgrub?
PL: I suppose it is acceptable. You seem to be moving at a faster rate then most others, so there is time.
PL: Well, I am simply not in a position to give the details, but it is important that the equation has as few variables as possible.
PL: Several game sessions will not do.
BT: yeeeah, weeell if you want meee to stop it, you'reee out of LUCK.
BT: beeecauseee first off, SCREEEW YOU.
BT: and seeecond, i only gaveee theee gameee to oneee PEEERSON, and SHEEE took careee of theee reeest!!!
PL: That seems to explain the surge of sessions.
PL: Are you implying she should be on the recieving end of punishment.
Oh.

Oh, no. This guy is serious, isn't he.
PL: You seem quite passionate about it, for sure.
BT: heeey, you LEEEAVEEE heeer aloneee!!!
BT: i don't careee who you areee, if you touch heeer i'll find you and KICK YOUR ASS!!!
BT: beeesideees, it doeeesn't matteeer who you THREEEATEEEN.
BT: this STUPID thing is our only tickeeet away from theee meeeteeeors till theee FLEEET arriveees and i'm not leeeaving my frieeends BEEEHIND just beeecauseee theeereee's no SPACEEE on my teeeam!!!
PL: You are quite serious about this.
PL: I clearly misjudged your meaning earlier.
PL: Its not going to be incredibly difficult to remove other sessions, but some recourses will be expended.
PL: And you are right in saying one session does detract from hope.
PL: Perhaps a compromise can be reached.
"Compromise" sounds good. You'll take "compromise" if it means Neethe will be safe.

Please let her be safe.
BT: ......
BT: what kind of COMPROMISEEE?
PL: Your friends who will enter with you will go on as planned.
PL: Your other friend who you gave the game to will also be able to take those with her that she chooses in a different session.
PL: However, it should be made clear that it won't go beyond the two.
PL: Tons and tons will be nearly impossible to keep track of.
PL: It will be... like a race between the two of your groups. Are there any issues with this.
BT: what about theee OTHEEER teeeam?
BT: that teeeam ROCKEEET or whateeeveeer, with that assholeee who madeee SGRUB in theee first placeee?
PL: That likely won't be a problem.
PL: But to be on the safe side, maybe you should join them together.
PL: It doesn't have to be now, but if you can convince, or posssibly trick, the first person in your group to join with one on the other team, then the two sessions will be made into a single one.
PL: I expect you are up to the task.
BT: that's... sixteeen peeeopleee???
Including the one who made the game.
BT: fineee, you know what? fineee. i'll do it.
BT: i'll find a way to smash theeeseee two seeesssions togeeetheeer,
BT: deeeal with that planeeet-killing idiot lateeer,
BT: and you stay theee heeell away from neeetheee.
PL: That sounds agreeable.
PL: I will place my faith in you.
PL: As long as it runs along smoothly, you will likely not hear from me again. And neither will this Neethe.
BT: such magnanimity from this mysteeerious beeeneeefactor!!!
BT: agreeed. creeep.
brutalTrifecta [BT] ceased trolling pascalsLieutenant [PL].

Your hands tremble with barely contained rage, fear, and just a hint of relief. You did your best to present a strong front, but you're pretty sure he could see right through you. How close had you come just now to putting your beloved Neethe in grave danger, and just what would he have done to her? What would you have done without her?

On top of that, it occurs to you that you agreed to let the hope and lives of so many trolls be extinguished, just to save your own hide and that of Neethe.

You... you don't feel up to connecting to Leraje right this moment.

He can wait a little longer while you slump against the counter and compose yourself.

> Be a more composed troll.

Overcast

02-16-2011, 09:50 AM

> Be a more composed troll.

You critically fail at being a more composed troll. You are now the still fairly traumatized Leraje.

> Examine the area.

You fail to examine the area, you are a terrible wreck of a troll, you'd scratched several deep cuts into your face and for at least a moment you tried to tear your horns off without much success. You faintly caught sight of the imps that had begun to appear about you, but you could care less about any of them.

Or you did.

Then one of them started inching their way toward the dead salamander and got just a little too close. Then it all went indigo.

> Subjugglate.

What? Look just because you are a high blood doesn't making you a fucking clown. You have standards. Besides, you don't subjugate people.

You crush them.

> Leraje: Crush them.

The imp near Seymour is suddenly aware of the chain that just wrapped around it's neck. On the other end is you, your eyes staring down, hand gripped on the edge, other arm wrapped in iron links. You yank the chain and the little beast comes flying and meets with a sickening impact against the chained hand.

Two of the goons suddenly see you as a threat and come running at you hoping to overwhelm you. You unwrap your arm and toss a chain at each and when you have them. You spin desperately, pulling them off the ground then bring both hands up slamming them against each other.

One of the remaining two looks paralyzed while the other tries to take you on. You whip him with both chains knocking him to the ground, and then brutally whip his form till he surrenders his grist and oil.

The last one turns to run, but a chain gets it by the leg. It tries to claw away, but you drag it all the way to you and pick it up, staring into it's eyes. So much fear.

So much pain.

You open your jaws wide, and you take a bite.

========>

You pick up all the little items the bastards dropped when they exploded. It kinda ruined a lot of your fun, you didn't get to whip that second to the last guy half as much as you could have if he'd just left a corpse. Still, the fight had brought you back to reality, but you still couldn't bring yourself to leave Seymour's side, not until he was safe.

Which of course required you find that damn kernelsprite, which was nowhere to be seen. At least you could get him back though, you would have to thank Caoway for figuring that out later.

In the meantime it seemed like Zeb was very much not himself at the time. You decided to check in on him.

> Start the dramaz.

absentPsychologist [AP] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]
AP: Zeb? You there?
SH: what do you want
SH: go away leraje
AP: Zeb, you know I can't. I'm worried about you. Look I'm even using proper punctuation.
AP: You have my full attention.
SH: i dont care!
SH: i dont care about what you want to talk about or about the stupid quadrants i hate the quadrants
AP: This isn't about the quadrants. Fuck the quadrants dammit. This is about...
AP: This is about loss. Seymour is gone. And I think I know why you are so upset as well.
SH: shut up!
SH: i dont want to talk i hate you and i hate the quadrants and theyre stupid stupid stupid stupid
SH: stupid because you tell someone you like them and it turns out they dont like you back because why would anyone like you youre just annoying and it hurts and the quadrants suck
SH: what you do is stupid!
SH: i hate it hate it hate it hate it!!!!!!
AP: That is fine. Zeb, tell me everything. I want to hear everything. I need some clarity, I thought it was just Twinkleberry. But there is something else tearing at you.
SH: shut up!
SH: i dont want to talk about
SH: about
SH: him
SH: i cant
SH: i dont want to talk to you leraje just go away!
AP: Zeb. I'll leave. I just...I.
AP: Bye. ;_;
absentPsychologist [AP] stopped trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

Well that didn't go quite so well as you would have liked. Honestly? It really hurt to see him like that. What could have happened? You'd ask, but he seemed so set on not talking to you...

Actually you know what screw that. The little bastard is probably as shocked as you are, and he is going to need a swift kick in the horns if he is going to recover, you work your PDHand back onto him and start up,

absentPsychologist [AP] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]
AP: Are you there Zeb?
SH: what
AP: Tell me what has you so upset.
SH: twinkleberry
SH: he
SH: hes dead
SH: he was my best friend
SH: and it was my fault
AP: Last time when you snapped at me you made it seem like that wasn't all. What else is happening?
SH: i told her
SH: i told her how i felt
SH: and she didnt like me back
SH: and it hurts
SH: romance sucks

Ahh. Well...that certainly explained a lot. You'd have to work through this later, when his heart was a little bit healed. For now though you could probably help him with the lusus thing.

AP: I thought that couldn't be it.
AP: The scene is bad Zeb, and I'm sorry. I can't promise you I'll fix it, but I'm going to do whatever I can to help.
AP: How did he die?
SH: it was a book
SH: twinkleberry looked at it and he went
SH: crazy

A book. Dammit. DAMMIT. You told the glubbing grubfucker to wait! What part of wait didn't he understand?! He ruined everything!

AP: ...it was Scalis wasn't it? He is the only person who would have that kind of literature.
SH: yes
SH: iropha told me
SH: she delivered it
SH: im going to kill him
AP: I'll be sure to keep him locked up if I see him first.
AP: But we're going to have to keep playing. Even if this sucks. I don't think we can reach him the old fashioned way anymore.
SH: what?
SH: i dont want to play anymore
AP: I can understand that, but we are dealing with really weird shit now. If you want to kill him, you are going to have to play. If you don't, he'll just be wherever the fuck I am now.
AP: I think the guide calls it the Medium.
AP: We have to make him pay. It can't just end.
SH: oh
SH: ...
SH: i guess
AP: So, ready to take out some aggression on some Imps? Because these assholes suck in a big way.
SH: are they bad guys?
AP: Well a couple of them seemed kinda scared. But they tried to deface Seymour.
AP: And I'll fucking murder anyone who touches him.
SH: oh
SH: ok
AP: Anyway....try to get. Better, alright? I'm counting on you man.
SH: ok

Okay. This wasn't working. It was time for Zeb to get a little reality check just like when you had to defend Seymour. Life goes on even when we feel fucked up, and if he has something to worry about that might help.

So you threw your PDHand up, and waved it goodbye before whipping it apart.

You didn't want to do that, but it had to be done. You just hoped it had the right reaction. For now though you crept up to your computer, it was close enough to keep an eye on Seymour until you could get Burgun to cover for you.

Where was she anyway?

For now though you needed to chill out, this game was really starting to get to you.

> Be someone more chilled.

Token

02-17-2011, 01:03 AM

>Tergum: Open your eyes.

You would love to, really, but that you're far too fucking terrified. So fucking terrified that you can't even hear the buzzing of the green titan's energy blast. So fucking terrified that you can't even feel the ground beneath your feet. So fucking terrified that all you can "see" is a glowing red. And then black. Red. Black. Red. Your eyelids feel heavy as you blink, and it once again turns to black.

Wait, what?

>Tergum: See your eyes are open.

Tentatively, you slowly open your left eye. Red. You tilt your head to the side, slowly coming to terms with the fact that you've finally gone to hell. Still, it's not like you aren't going to have a lot of company...

>Tergum: Explore.

How? There's no ground beneath your feet, and all that's in front of you is glowing red, and small stretches of orange. If you gave a damn about the Hemospectrum, you'd find it utterly disgusting. You can't even go back; something hard and is pressing against your back. You have nothing to do but sit back and await your inevitable punishment.

>Tergum: Stop lying down, you asshat!

Lying... down? But that's absurd. You were just on your roof... slowly, as if to humor the voice in your head, move your arms and... prop yourself up?

Oh.

Huh.

Weird.

>Tergum: Get your bearings

You stand up, and start to look around. Now that you're thinking straight, you can see that the glowing red appears to be mist or fog. The sky, however, is a deep orange. You're still on top of your roof, surprisingly unharmed from your battle with the green behemoth. You reach up and wipe something wet and green from your eyes. You took a beating, and it's been a fucking horrible day, but come on, Tergum. You don't have time to cry. You need to make sure your friends are safe.

==>

You traverse the countless stairs back down to the ground floor, pause to let Ballaa know that you're safe, and exit your hive.

Which is now apparently trapped on top of a giant spire.

Fuck.

There are a handful of paths around you, but they all seem to end rather abruptly. It's more than a little unnerving, here in the

LAND OF THORNS AND FURY

==>

You have no idea how in the hell you're going to get down. You have the nagging feeling that you really should have read Derpah's stupid manual at some point.

...

Nah.

On that subject, you're going to need to have some polite conversation with Mister Derpah the next time you see him. A little warning that the game would cause Strize to be killed would have been fucking fantastic. And then that stupid glowy thing ate him! Adding insult to accidentally impaling yourself on your own scythe.

And then... it ate your book. The two of you had worked so hard on it... You suppose it's your own damn fault for telling him that you wanted closure. Nothing more close-y than half a sweeps worth of work being destroyed. You had almost finished it, you were going to give it to him as a gesture of goodwill, maybe hoping that the two of you could at least be friends again... but now...

Fuck.

You aren't even sure what you're feeling right now. There's a numbness, but deep down, burning beneath that, you feel.. you feel...

>Tergum: RaGe.

No. Not that. Not yet.

Instead, you feel certainty. The certainty that it was his goddamn fault. The certainty that you lost your guardian, you lost your work, and you lost your hope of regaining your friendship with Scalis because of Derpah and his stupid fucking game. The certainty that if you see that gluttonous sphere again, you're going to beat it to death with Aldurin's corpse.

No. You can't kill him. Yet. You can kill him after you've won the game. After you're certain you're all going to survive. You have to wait to make sure that he feels the swift kick of Justice stomping his bulge into dust.

You have to FUCKING WAIT.

AND NOW YOU FEEL IT. YOU'RE STARTING TO FINALLY FEEL

>Tergum: RaGe?

Tergum cannot RaGe because he is too busy being the Obsidian Imp and sneaking up on himself.

>What.

Bitch, did I stutter? Now type "Seconds in the past..."

Seconds in the past...?

No, with the >, you utter cock.

>Seconds in the past...

But not many. Was that so hard?

>Asshole.

Fuck you too. ANYWAY. Your name is... well, you aren't really sure. Technically, you don't have a name, but your friends call you JOE. Well, they did, before they all met with AN UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT. You are an OBSIDIAN IMP, one of many cloned to serve DERSE. Up until recently, that mostly involved GOOFING AROUND WITH YOUR FELLOW IMPS, playing card games, and avoiding any assignments from THE ARCHAGENT. Everything was well and good, but within the last hour, things took an unfortunate TURN FOR THE FUCKING WEIRD. It all started when your head suddenly changed shape during one of your many POKER GAMES. Out of fucking nowhere, your head was suddenly shaped like a heart, to the general astonishment of yourself and your friends. When your best friend, Bob pointed out that this technically raised you from having a Royal Straight Flush to a Royal Straight Flush And A Pair, winning the game, you were happy. So happy, that you immediately gave him a hug.

Unfortunately, that was when your hands turned to scythes, and your best friend was suddenly just a pile of OBSIDIAN GRIST. The others three tried to kill you after that.

What you did... what you had to do... was merely self defense.

You had no choice but to kill them all.

And then, as you mourned, you started to fucking sparkle.

http://i55.tinypic.com/orq8eo.gif

All you really want to do is die.

But you have orders.

You are to meet The Reaper. And you are to kill him.

>Joe: Watch target.

There he is right now. Looking around like a dumbass, tear stains on his cheeks. You should attack him. Right now. But all you want is a hug. You want to be loved.

It looks like The Reaper feels the same way that you do. Poor kid. You pity him, and then you start to pity yourself for being in the same boat. He's sympathetic. You're just... pathetic. Look at him there, just shaking.

You know what to do.

Joe: Do this man imp.

You're making this happen. You walk up to him, hoping he isn't put off by your luminescence, wrap your arms around him (VERY CAREFULLY. No more accidents!), and kiss his chin. It just seems logical.

Tergum: RaGe!

WHAT IS THIS. THIS... GLITTERY THING THINKS IT CAN JUST WALK UP TO YOU AND MOLEST YOU WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF BROODING?? STRIZE WOULD HAVE WANTED YOU TO TURN REBUFF IT GENTLY. UNLIKE YOURSELF, HE NEVER REALLY CARED MUCH FOR VIOLENCE.

UNFORTUNATELY, STRIZE IS DEAD.

==>

YOU PULL THE BALLPOINT PEN-ETRATOR FROM YOUR POCKET. IT SEEMED A LOGICAL PLACE TO PUT IT WHEN YOU WOKE UP, BUT NOW IT SEEMS SUPERFLUOUS. YOU WOULDN'T HAVE HAD ANY TROUBLE RETRIEVING IT FROM YOUR RAGE MODUS. DAMN THING COULDN'T HELP AGAINST THE TITAN. DAMN THING COULDN'T HELP STRIZE. DAMN THING COULDN'T EVEN HELP PROTECT IT'S WORK. BUT THERE IS ONE THING IT CAN STILL DO.

>Tergum: ^^ake. Hi^^. B|_eed.

You'd never really noticed before. In all honesty, despite your constant threats, and the fact that you fancied yourself a badass, you rarely engaged in combat. And you never tried to actually kill before. But now you've discovered something quite... interesting.

http://i56.tinypic.com/2wg4ody.gif
There is nothing more calming than the sound of high pressure ink blasting through somebody's heart.

OBSIDIAN GRIST: +10

>Tergum: Be someone else while you calm down.

Menarker

02-17-2011, 07:45 PM

> BE SOMEONE ELSE WHILE YOU CALM DOWN.

You are now Sharl.

The merchant's expression seemed fixed into a state of severe frustration. However, the worst of it was over. He had acquired some information from the last conversation. Regardless of his motivation for revenge, preserving profits or self-preservation, Sharl was now very much attentive to the need for attention to the game's mechanics.

Right now, he has a promise to keep, and quite swiftly too.

butketHed [BH] began trolling omnipotentOmnivore [OO]
BH: I'm sorry. I don't have much time to talk.
BH: So many people to talk to. :sweatdrop
BH: Stay near the game and don't delete it.
BH: Our ultimate survival might require successfully completing the chain that Caoway went into details about.
BH: One thing more... about the game... >->
BH: It might be able to revive Nommington.
OO: it... can?
OO: how did you figure that out?
BH: I didn't figure it out. More like accquired the data from the grubvine. :cool:
BH: But Reztek seem to have gotten some info from the future. Strange really... :wtf:
BH: The full details is rather involved so I don't think we have time to discuss it...
BH: :crossarms: but due to the unique circumstances involved, he's convinced that it is genuine.
BH: :rolleyes: and considering the alternative is destruction, I'm willing to give it a shot...
OO: .....
OO: all right. i'll take your word for it.
OO: i wanna do shome reshearch into thish.
OO: but... for now, i'll give thish the benefit of a doubt.
OO: when the time comesh, i'll join the game and complete the chain.

butketHed [BH] began trolling hastyExecutor [HE]
BH: :( Iropha, I hope this message doesn't come to you at a bad time, but I am afraid I have to cancel my delivery requests.
BH: My clients all canceled their orders. :crying:
BH: A rash of unfortunate incidents which I'm most upset about. :argh:
BH: Anyhow, it is of no fault of your own, and I apologize for the extremely short notice. :ohdear:
BH: Wishing that I may have more clients later on to continue our business relationship. And hoping you are doing well outside of that as well. :)

> GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHILE SHARL RESEARCHES GAME MECHANICS AND WAITS FOR A RESPONSE...

Bard The 5th LW

02-17-2011, 11:12 PM

> GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHILE SHARL RESEARCHES GAME MECHANICS AND WAITS FOR A RESPONSE...

You are now brooding as Nasryl, crying over your failure. It was your fault, you're supposed to be a doctor. You are awful though, why are you so worthless? Is it fate? Are you just destined to be like... him no matter what? Either way, you are no healer.

>Nasryl: Abort

You speak with Sharl about canceling your shipment. (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1106576&postcount=34) You just can't carry on anymore. Over your sobs however, you hear a ping on your HUSKTOP. Aldurin again? Too bad for him, he can deal with whatever injury he has given himself on his own.

...fine you'll answer him.

-- technopathicalAnomaly [TA] began trolling hazardousPracticioner [HP] --

TA: nAsrYl
TA: . . .
TA: thErE Is stIll rOOm If yOU chAngE yOUr mInd
HP: fuck off Derpah
HP: Im brooding
HP: Again
HP: You can go play the fake apocalypse without me
TA: lOOk OUtsIdE, lOOk At thE mEtEOrs pEltIng thE plAnEt rIght nOw
TA: thIs shIt Is mOrE rEAl thAn I ExpEctEd, And cAOwAy hAs AlrEAdY prOvEn thIs gAmE Is thE wAy OUt

You look outside and view the LAWNRING down yonder. There does seem to be smoke, but who is to say that some prick didn't just start a fire? These are TROLLS after all. You decide to give it a benefit of doubt though, as that is a big smoke trail.

HP: wondrous everyone's dying
HP: Have fun then ill die with dignity knowing I didn't contribute
TA: This can't get any worse
TA: Burgun already got this thing spread around the world
TA: It's likely more meteors than there are at the moment will appear as soon as most everyone finishes installing it
TA: So what's to hold you back from surviving?
HP: Yeah, I should do it because everyone else is
HP: Makes loads of sense
HP: I should totally go with the fucking crowd Im just that much of a tool right?
TA: What's that commitment that doctors have?
TA: Something like "do everything you can to help people"?
TA: Well you can still do that, you can be the team medic or something
TA: I don't want to rely on Scalis' medical archives
HP: Your about 5 minutes too late
HP: I quit being a fucking doctor
HP: I've fucking killed 2 more today, some Flarper and my lusus
HP: Fucking done with this
TA: Just because they die on your operating table doesn't mean that you killed them
TA: You're trying your hardest to fight one of the most inevitable events in life, death itself
TA: That takes some real globes to do that on a regular basis
TA: Also I'm sure that whoever your next patient is won't be one that dies while you're helping him
TA: Since I know that you'll eventually pull out of this and come along for the ride
HP: ...

His words reach out to you. Perhaps it wasn't your fault? Maybe you shouldn't beat yourself up over every failure?

Maybe there is hope?

HP: YXu really think sX?
TA: Yes, I'm sure you'll hit your stride
TA: Just as something I don't discuss with anyone, most of the stuff I've built in the past has either fallen apart or blown up in my face, when it wasn't designed to
TA: It's taken practice and a lot of trail and error to get it right
TA: And I just get the feeling that whatever it is that we're going into is the ultimate opportunity to grow, to achieve beyond what any troll would dream of
TA: So I'll give you some time to think it over, let me know when you're ready to come

technopathicalAnomaly [TA] ceased trolling hazardousPracticioner [HP]

HP:... thanks Aldurin

You sit there in thought for a while. He encouraged you. Like a friend would. You think you can strive forward now without the guilt. Perhaps at some point you can return the favor to him?

Oh look at that someone's talking to you.

-- bathorysIllustrator [BI] has begun pestering hazardousPractitioner [HP] --

BI: VAROLA
HP: What dX yXu want I'm busy
BI: WELL STOP BEING BUSY WITH YOUR USELESSNESS AND BE BUSY WITH ME
BI: my lusus is dying
BI: HELPE ME
HP: uhh what

Another incident? This is absurd! Maybe you can help though? If you can save this life, maybe you can make it up to Cathara?

You are suddenly interrupted by another chat window

-- burlesqueBalderdash [BB] began trolling hazardousPracticioner [HP] --
BB: O>o nasryl something terrible has happened STOP
BB: O>o vicki is in need of medical assistance STOP
BB: O>o give me instructions on how to STOP STOP
BB: O>o uhhhh STOP
BB: O>o death STOP
HP: what
HP: uhh well im nXt sX actually nevermind I can help
HP: Tell me what the situation is and make it quick. I'll give what advice I can

This is an epidemic! You have to try though! If it means walking two inexperienced through the procedures then so be it!

BI: WELL
HP: I need tX know the situation first!
HP: Tell me what happened
BI: i was upstairse and saw him and their was a guitare and then everything blew up
BI: his lefte fin is gone and he bleeding the water smells like blood tell me what to DO
HP: Xh gXd uhhh cauterize it, get hXt metal Xr something burning and seal the wXund
BI: IME UNDERWATER AND EVERYTHINGS COLDE
HP: Then yXu have tX make a tXurniquet get some clXth and sXmething to tie it with.
BI: hes sharpe and hell cut it and i cant touche him

Maybe you should look at Vintag's issue while you brainstorm for the other patient.

BB: there's a gaping wound in his head STOP
BB: im gonna say its pretty serious STOP
HP: Xh gXg this is heavy stuff
HP: Apply pressure, stXp the bleeding
HP: Keep sXmething wrapped arXund, dXn't mXve him tXX much
BB: oh man oh man STOP
BB: i cant find anything STOP
BB: uhhhhhh STOP
HP: Panic is bad. It can be anything, preferably clXth and clean
HP: Apply pressure and stXp as much as pXssible
BB: ok ok caaaaaalm STOP
BB: ... STOP
BB: is blood sometimes in spongy chunks STOP
HP:
HP:
HP: NX
BB: ... STOP
BB: that is never going to wash out is it STOP
BB: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
HP: YXU there Vintag?!!
HP: There's always hXpe! I think
HP: Fffucck
HP: Vierth needs help I gXtta gX I am sX sXrry fXr yXur lXss!!!

-- hazardousPractitioner [HP] has ceased pestering burlesqueBalderdash [BB] --

You hurriedly switch bars after cutting off the conversation. There's... nothing more that can be done for her. In all honesty, her lusus was probably dead before she even contacted you. Now for the sea dweller...

[COLOR="#9370D8"]BI: tell me whate to do!
HP: yXu have tX I dXn't knXw
HP: I dXn't knXw what can be dXne
BI: no no no no no no no no!
BI: HELPE ME NOW!
HP: uhhhh
BI: HES STILLE BLEEDINGE AND HE ISN'T MOVING
HP: I AM VERY SXRRY FXR YXUR LXSS MAM

-- hazardousPractitioner [HP] has performed an unsafe disconnection

BI: YOU GET THE FUCKE BACK HERE LOWBLOOD
BI: WHY ARE YOU SO USELESSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! !
BI: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE E

That went well, right?

Yeah you're pretty sure that went well.

>Glissa: reach the top floor

You are now Glissa short amount of time in the past, and you have finally made it to the top floor of your HIVE. It is here that you go to visit your LUSUS at least once every day. Not many things live out here in the artic circle, but the things that do are incredibly dangerous. It is very fortunate for you that your lusus is a SERRATED MANTARATOR, making him even more dangerous. Every day, he always circles the area around the HIVE to ensure your safety. It is good to see him once a day to show him your gratitude. However, he is a bit late. While waiting, you decide to observe some of your ANTIQUES in storage up here. One in particular gets your attention.

It is the VAN HELLAN AX of course. Only the most righteous guitar to ever bless paradox space. Its power of ROCK is untold, and it is dangerous to the user and all around him or her. However, legends foretell the CHOSEN ONE who can tame its sick chords and harness its power to ROCK THE FUCK OUT like no one has ever before. The METAL MESSIAH has yet to show himself though, and you have declined selling the relic.

Maybe though... just maybe you have come into possession of this divine STRINGED INSTRUMENT for a reason? Its worth a try. The legends of its power are probably an exaggeration anyways.

>Glissa: Rock the Fuck out

You wake up 10 minutes later with what feels like a concussion, and you appear to be bleeding from the back of your neck. You shakily rise to your feet to find that you were catapulted from the top floor of your hive to the surface some quarter mile away. You see that the top floor was completely wiped out in the destruction. Limping forward, you drag yourself back to the front of your HIVE to find your LUSUS, Biroste, laying on his back.

Oh man oh gog where did the right side of him go?

Glissa: Birost, make believe time is over. I'm not a wrigglere anymore...
Glissa: Please stope.
Glissa: I ORDER YOU TO STOPE

You begin to feel rather hysterical. This isn't really happening right? Oh god you can't even see your own hands through the purple anymore. You need help.

>Glissa: Contact Nasryl

You proceed to have the conversation detailed above. It proves a failure, and he abandons you. You are sort of flipping your shit right now.

========>

Dracorion

02-27-2011, 12:38 PM

========>

Who do you want to be now?

>Be Zebrek.

You can't be Zebrek because Zebrek is too sad right now!

>Be Zebrek anyway.

Fine, you're Zebrek.

>Zebrek: Bury your lusus.

You don't have the tools for that!

>Find tools.

You think there's something in your collection you could use to dig a grave.

After wiping your eyes, you climb the tree and hide Twinkleberry in the upper branches. Hopefully he'll be safe from predators there until you get back.

========>

With Twinkleberry hidden, you slowly make your way back to your cave in a mournful shuffle. In your state, you don't even notice that the sky is covered with hundreds of fiery shooting stars, all falling at the same time. If you noticed them, you might wish for Twinkleberry to come back. And it would count for a hundred, so it would definitely come true.

But you don't. You just look at the ground as your feet scrape the grass. You don't try to stop the tears anymore.

>Zebrek: Accelerate.

You are now Zebrek in the future. It looks like you're in a... wedding?

>What?

Zebrek: dearly beloved we are gathered here today
Zebrek: to bless these two in holy matespritship

>Zebrek: Decelerate.

You are now moving through time at a slower rate. Now you can watch this atrocity in slow motion!

>CAN WE PLEASE JUST BE CURRENT ZEBREK SLIGHTLY IN THE FUTURE

Well why didn't you just say so? You're now current Zebrek slightly in the future.

You've just gotten back to your hive. On your way back, you had time to think. Now you're angry. You're going to find whoever was responsible and make them pay.

========>

Going to the other room, you find the culprit. You have enough sense not to look at the book, since you know Twinkleberry was looking at it before he...

>Destroy it.

You shoot the damn thing until it's nothing more than burnt scraps of paper.

>Find the culprit.

You go back to your husktop. You still have that conversation with Iropha open.

>Zebrek: Interrogate.

hastyExecutor [HE] began trolling spectaularHellion[SH]

HE: ZEBRE|<, BL^C|<M^IL >ELIvERY! ESTIM^TE> TIME OF ^RRIv^L: 23 SECON>S! BR^CE FOR IMP^CT!!!
SH: a delivery?
SH: but its not even my wriggling day!
SH: iropha
SH: IROPHA
SH: HOW COULD YOU
SH: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT
HE: I'M JUST THE MESSENGER
SH: WHO SENT IT
SH: WHO SENT THAT BOOK
HE: ^ >ELIvER^TOR NEvER REvE^LS HER CLIENTS!!!
HE: IT W^S BL^CKM^IL
HE: YOU SHOUL> H^vE KNOWN THE RISKS WHEN YOU OPENE> IT
SH: THAT BOOK KILLED MY LUSUS
SH: IT MADE HIM GO INSANE
SH: TWINKLEBERRY
SH: twinkleberrys dead
SH: i killed him
SH: please iropha tell me
HE: ...
HE: SORRY TO HE^R TH^T, BUT I C^NNOT ^N> WILL NOT TELL YOU
SH: please
SH: he was my best friend
SH: i need to know
HE: OR WH^T?
SH: ...
SH: i dont know
SH: youre my friend
SH: i cant hurt you
HE: H^R>EN UP YOU MISER^BLE LITTLE WIGGLER!!!
HE: IT W^S ^ BOO|<, YOU S^Y?
HE: WHO >O YOU THIN|< COUL> POSSIBLY H^vE SENT YOU ^ CURSE> BOO|<?!?!?!
SH: ...
SH: a book
SH: wait
SH: you mean
HE: I >ON'T REC^LL ME^NING ^NYTHING
SH: scalis?
SH: but why?
HE: I C^N NEITHER CONFIRM NOR >ENY TH^T!!!
[color="deepskyblue"]SH: thank you iropha

spectacularHellion [SH] ceased being trolled by hastyExecutor [HE]

========>

That... He...

WHY

>Interrogate.

spectacularHellion [SH] began trolling pandorasArchivist [PA]

SH: HOW COULD YOU
SH: HOW COULD YOU
SH: why would you
SH: why would you do that
PA: Oh Sweet Troll Jegus.
PA: What hanepped?
SH: twinkleberrys dead
SH: WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME THAT BOOK
PA: Dammit. I gto your Lusus?
SH: you
SH: you
SH: TELL ME WHY
PA: Becuase.
PA: Becuase I rebmermed.
PA: Rebmermed axectly what you did.
PA: Adn waht you are.
SH: im what?
SH: what did i do
SH: WHAT DID I DO TO MAKE YOU DO THAT TO TWINKLEBERRY
PA: I alogopize. I did not maen to tagret your lusus.
PA: I had amussed that you wuold at the very laest look at it.
SH: WHY
SH: TELL ME WHY
PA: Bacuese your defield my hiev, detsroyed my wrok, broek my law.
PA: Bacuese you shoewd that only yuor onw law is rael to you.
PA: Taht you aer a chidl.
PA: Adn yuo aer an Anomaly.
SH: im what?
SH: THIS IS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE?
SH: I SAID I WAS SORRY
SH: I APOLOGIZED SO MUCH
SH: im so so sorry
SH: i cant forgive you for this
PA: You aer sorry?
PA: Here adn now yuo say you are sorry?
PA: You maed me hate you. Haet you so much. For no raeson?
SH: i said it then!
SH: i said it and now twinkleberrys dead!
PA: Yuo siad it then? No.
PA: No, yuo were defaint then. You...
PA: You were the emeny.
PA: I rebermem!
SH: i did
SH: i did!
SH: you killed my best friend!
PA: It was teh... rihgt chioce.
PA: Teh olny chioce.
PA: I... had to, you are waht I keep at bay no moer no less, you...
SH: I'm going to kill you.
spectacularHellion [SH] ceased trolling pandorasArchivist [PA]
PA: Enuohg. You're no berett tahn I thought.

pandorasArchivist [PA] ceased trolling spectacularHellion SH]

>Zebrek: Weep.

You would, if your stupid lousy goddamn friends would stop trolling you!

absentPsychologist [AP] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

AP: Zeb? You there?
SH: what do you want
SH: go away leraje
AP: Zeb, you know I can't. I'm worried about you. Look I'm even using proper punctuation.
AP: You have my full attention.
SH: i dont care!
SH: i dont care about what you want to talk about or about the stupid quadrants i hate the quadrants
AP: This isn't about the quadrants. Fuck the quadrants dammit. This is about...
AP: This is about loss. Seymour is gone. And I think I know why you are so upset as well.
SH: shut up!
SH: i dont want to talk i hate you and i hate the quadrants and theyre stupid stupid stupid stupid
SH: stupid because you tell someone you like them and it turns out they dont like you back because why would anyone like you youre just annoying and it hurts and the quadrants suck
SH: what you do is stupid!
SH: i hate it hate it hate it hate it!!!!!!
AP: That is fine. Zeb, tell me everything. I want to hear everything. I need some clarity, I thought it was just Twinkleberry. But there is something else tearing at you.
SH: shut up!
SH: i dont want to talk about
SH: about
SH: him
SH: i cant
SH: i dont want to talk to you leraje just go away!
AP: Zeb. I'll leave. I just...I.
AP: Bye. ;_;

absentPsychologist [AP] stopped trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

God, you wish Leraje would just shut up and stop meddling! You just want to...

You just want your friend back.

>Get trolled more.

God, what does Derpah want?

technopathicalAnomaly [TA] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

TA: zEbrEk, ArE yOU stIll Up fOr thIs gAmE?
TA: I sAw In thE mEmO thAt yOUr lUsUs dIEd, sO I'm jUst mAkIng sUrE yOU'rE stIll rEAdY fOr thIs
SH: i dont want to play anymore
TA: whY? yOU knOw It's cErtAIn dEAth tO stAy
SH: i dont care
TA: thIs Is AbOUt twInklEbErrY Isn't It?
TA: yOU'rE nOt thE OnlY pErsOn whO hAs lOst thEIr lUsUs
TA: fOr sOmE rEAsOn mOst EvErYOnE ElsE's hAs dIEd Off
TA: I'm stArtIng tO gEt wOrrIEd AbOUt mY Own
SH: i dont care!
SH: i just
SH: i cant play anymore
TA: wEll, mAybE tAlkIng AbOUt It wIll mAkE yOU fEEl bEttEr
TA: hOw dId It hAppEn?
SH: it
SH: it was a book
SH: twinkleberry looked at it
SH: and
SH: and
SH: and he went crazy
SH: and he was biting and hurting me
SH: and my shotgun went off
TA: whY dIdn't yOU hAvE thE sAfEtY On?
SH: the what
TA: thE sAfEtY, It's thE lIttlE lEvEr On thE sIdE thAt kEEps It frOm fIrIng
TA: EvErY gUn hAs OnE bUIlt In
SH: the
SH: that
SH: but

spectacularHellion [SH] ceased being trolled by technopathicalAnomaly [TA]

The... safety?

>Zebrek: Inspect shotgun.

It's right there. That little lever. You never knew what it did. You would flick it back and forth and nothing happened, so you figured it didn't do anything.

>Flip it.

You flip it and attempt to fire. Nothing happens. Derpah was telling the truth.

If you knew... if you paid attention...

You throw the gun at the wall in a fit of rage.

========>

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d13/fjgca17/GLOWN3.jpg

It was your fault.

It was all your fault.

>Get trolled by Leraje again.

absentPsychologist [AP] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]
AP: Are you there Zeb?
SH: what
AP: Tell me what has you so upset.
SH: twinkleberry
SH: he
SH: hes dead
SH: he was my best friend
SH: and it was my fault
AP: Last time when you snapped at me you made it seem like that wasn't all. What else is happening?
SH: i told her
SH: i told her how i felt
SH: and she didnt like me back
SH: and it hurts
SH: romance sucks
AP: I thought that couldn't be it.
AP: The scene is bad Zeb, and I'm sorry. I can't promise you I'll fix it, but I'm going to do whatever I can to help.
AP: How did he die?
SH: it was a book
SH: twinkleberry looked at it and he went
SH: crazy
AP: ...it was Scalis wasn't it? He is the only person who would have that kind of literature.
SH: yes
SH: iropha told me
SH: she delivered it
SH: im going to kill him
AP: I'll be sure to keep him locked up if I see him first.
AP: But we're going to have to keep playing. Even if this sucks. I don't think we can reach him the old fashioned way anymore.
SH: what?
SH: i dont want to play anymore
AP: I can understand that, but we are dealing with really weird shit now. If you want to kill him, you are going to have to play. If you don't, he'll just be wherever the fuck I am now.
AP: I think the guide calls it the Medium.
AP: We have to make him pay. It can't just end.
SH: oh
SH: ...
SH: i guess
AP: So, ready to take out some aggression on some Imps? Because these assholes suck in a big way.
SH: are they bad guys?
AP: Well a couple of them seemed kinda scared. But they tried to deface Seymour.
AP: And I'll fucking murder anyone who touches him.
SH: oh
SH: ok
AP: Anyway....try to get. Better, alright? I'm counting on you man.
SH: ok

absentPsychologist's PDHand exploded.

SH: leraje?

>Zebrek: Panic.

Oh God oh God. Something happened to Leraje. What do you do, what do you do?!

>Zebrek: Randomly explode.

What? That would be silly why would you just randomly expl-

BOOM

>2X CLIFFHANGER COMBO

Intern Nin

02-28-2011, 05:56 PM

> This is bull.

You are now Leraje. In the past.

> FFFFFFFFFF-NOOOOOOOOOOO! Not him again! The tears have almost stopped!

Sorry, but the tears will never stop and you're not going anywhere without a proper transition combo. You're stuck here for the time being, bub.

> Leraje's Hive: Be in a another time.

There is a sudden scene transition to the same spot many years in the future, a time when the meddler and his hive have long since left for greener pastures. The only evidence that it was ever there is a large crater in the sands, left by a meteor that probably would have killed him had he not gained entry at the very last second.

The view closes in on the center of the crater, where a manhole cover with a strange spirograph design rests beside a dark passageway into the earth below. We travel into the hole and down through the winding tunnel leading to the inner chambers of this buried station. You now enter a rather dark room, the only source of illumination is the light of a single monitor on the hexadecascreen at the east end, which happens to be showing a large pile of burning books. Cutting the light of the bonfire from the screen, is shape of a tall, black carapace'd individual with only some very maculate rags wrapped around their body.

This person turns their attention from screen to you. And then back to the screen again, cuz let's face it you're not more interesting then a pile of burning books.

> Mystery Person: Type => Switch 2.

Nope, she's ignoring you. She types in => Switch 4 and another screen switches on, this one showing an asshat-ish looking troll standing in a small pile of grist and his sparkling bug-sprite thing. The drifter seems to recognize the troll and mutters the word �reaper� under her breath, along with a few choice expletives. She then becomes entranced with the sprite, which is understandable. I mean, look at him. He's like a glittering, insectoid Adonis. The fair tone of his exoskeleton, such sharp monstrous features, luscious full antennae on his head, and those smoldering compound eyes! He's... he's gorgeous! I must have him!

> Mystery Person: For the love of Gog, type => Switch 2!

The stranger ignores your request and draws her lips closer to the screen. A sudden tremor shakes the command station and brings her back to her senses. She hastily switches screens so she does not fall victim to the mantis ghost's Glamour again. This screen shows a traumatized troll weeping over the body of a giant lizard or something like it. This screen seems to have a lock symbol on it, meaning that she can only view this troll, not talk to or influence his actions. That's no fun.

> Gross Hobo: Type => Switch 2.

The dusty vagrant types => Switch 11 and a screen turns on with a bubbling chowder-pot full of... something on it. Another lock sign though. Typical.

> Pretty Miss: Type => Switch 2.

Flattery will get you nowhere with her. Another monitor switches on and we see troll child wearing aviator sunglasses driving back some really nasty monsters with her own detached robot arm. Locked, of course. This is really starting to chafe the lady.

> Stubborn Bitch: Type => Switch 2.

Not fig is given by her this day, although she was generous enough to give you a finger. A screen near the bottom pops on, this one displaying a horned ragamuffin who it seems is trying to resuscitate a disembodied imp head. She tries to type an insult at him but is met with a big fat lock icon. Blast. She's grown bored with this piece of junk and wanders a little ways away to some sort of lumpy pile on the floor. Hard to make out what it is in this light.

> Holy hell, what do I have to do to control this person?

Type ========>

========>

You are now the Intractable Drifter, an exile who has wandered the wastes of this dead planet for many a year. You discovered this command station mere minutes ago when you tripped over a half buried chest in the sands and fell face first onto the hatch cover. You decided to explore the innards of this station but you're beginning to lose interest in it and your newly discovered hexadecascreen console. Right now you stand in the west end of the room next to... something that I can't quite make out in the dim light of the monitor. What would you like to do now?

> ID: Retrieve arms from chest.

Okay, first off: You can't hardly see anything in the room right now. Second, your arms attached to your shoulders.

Clap-Clap

See? Whoa! Would you look at that, the lights came on! Now you can see everything perfectly. The lumpy pile next to your feet is revealed to be nothing more than the chest from earlier and a jumble of cans that fell out when you took the CAPS LOCK off. You check the chest but you don't find any arms, just a pair of angular, dark tinted eye-wear. You guess it would make a good shiv in pinch, so you pick it up and holster it in the bindings on your hip.

> ID: Open several cans with the pointy anime-shades and imbibe the contents.

Nah, you had a whole nut creature for breakfast not too long ago so you're not hungry at the moment. Sort of thirsty though. It does occur to you that taking a few cans along would be a good idea. You never know when your next meal is going to be on this god-forsaken hole of a rock. You pick the cans up and strap them into your bindings in alphabetical order.

There, now hunger will never catch you off guard again.

> ID: Read book on troll etiquette.

This thing? You found it to be a very boring read so you decided to tear the pages out and put them to better use. Look, you made bunch of little origami people and animals and things and have set them up in the south end of the room. You are very proud of your newly birthed crafts.

> ID: Fondly regard your creations.

You look down upon your folded paper children in a sort of matriarchal manner, like you were some kind of watermark on high. They are all perfect in your eyes, each one a literal work of art. Well, except for this dog, it came out a little wonky. Eh, it's cool. Not like there's anybody here to criticize your work.

> ID: Prepare for imminent raid from a roving gang of trolls.

The notion of preparing for any kind of raid strikes you as an incredible waste of time. You've trudged across the sands of this world for years and have yet to see any other living thing intelligent enough to form a gang of unruly punks. You do come across little odds and ends that seem to be leftovers from a once proud society of people who dressed up as winged creatures of the night and wore cleaning supplies as headgear, but it's pretty clear that they were either wiped out or moved on to another planet eons ago.

It makes you a little sad sometimes, being by yourself in this great big empty wasteland. Sitting by the campfire at night, looking at little artifacts from days long past, and making little rhymes all by your lonesome. You still have hope though. Hope that there may be other exiles like you, traversing these barren lands. Hope that they may be united through the power of word-tech and together you can make some strict progress on rebuilding civilization. This belief in a better tomorrow made possible by the verbal pulse that thumps in the hearts of all living things may be the only thing keeping you going.

> ID: Make believe you're a giant monster and attack the origami creatures.

Shut up and jam? Well, don't mind if you do! You slap on the shades and prop your leg on top of the chest. This is how we do it.

okay check it.
mistress of the paper-craft, bout to give
you the shaft
think you can out-rap me?
boy you must daft
but go ahead i could use a good laugh
hidden beneath these rags, the rights to brag
a goddess of wordtech not a rhythm-less hag
so lets settle the score here on the floor
i don't squabble its straight-up war
that I wage since a long past age
since my strife against the sage
and his buddy the mage
makes me wanna rage and rip up out some page
but I dont
gives strength to the pen, mightier than the sword
greater than any weapon in the steward's horde
open the wrong book and find yourself gored
youll never be bored but you may get floored
come harvest-time
cuz of the crime you committed in her eyes
brought before the judge to expose the lies
the wrong-doings that chaos can never disguise
she'll try to chop you up and serve with fries
so rewind
to the right when and place
inciphisphere is never short on time or space
but it aint always the case
though
cuz the thief may rob you of that bro
you try to stop em but find you're too slow
so go
and find the dork who reverberates
tell him bout the incident so that he can sates
his childish need to be the hero
but they're all big zeroes
rock-collectors and adult-kids and quacks
think theyre the stars but theyre all hacks
fixed nothing and left behind only ruins
raptacular savior is a role i can fill in
so gather parchment followers and we'll lift up the rubble
strength in numbers enough to overcome our trouble
we'll raise it high in the sky
and act like it heavy though its not
now its time to let it go
so drop it like its...
drop it like its...

Fuck! Can't think of any simile to make here. Why would you drop something? C'mon c'mon! Ahhhhh, you've already lost the rhythm. You kick the chest over in disgust.

This is pathetic. Years without a proper rap-off have atrophied your ability to let loose the righteous flow of your soul. The total lack of strict beats isn't helping matters neither.

> ID: Pull spare turntable out of sylladex.

Yeah, that's not gonna happen. Glossing over the fact that you have no idea what the hell a sylladex is, you don't have anymore turntables to pull out. Your last one was knifed ages ago by your dickhead superior. Sour-puss son of a bitch was always shutting you down just as things started to get deliriously biznasty. He cracked down even harder once those horned dipshits started popping out of the woodwork and handing out beat-downs like they were cheap cigars. God, you hate him. And you hate those kids even more. What they did to you...

> ID: Get really fucking frustrated over the memory of the incident.

You decide to stop seething and return to the console and start fiddling around with it again. Maybe this thing has some fresh jams stored in it somewhere.

> ID: Press TAB.

There is no tab button. Or rather, the word TAB has been scraped off the button and GUS has been written in its place.

> ID: Press GUS.

You press the button and the second compartment on the north wall flips open. Several glass bottles of lukewarm soda tumble to the floor and roll around.

> ID: Pop open a bunch of bottles and just go nuts!

Yeah!

Woo-hoo!

This is-

THIS IS-

This is moronic. You mean, yeah this is a terrific turn of events. First bit of drinkable liquid you've had in days, but it's not really anything that warrants jumping straight through the ceiling and pulling off a spastic, mid-air full body revolution whilst releasing a shower of carbonated cinnabar ejaculate onto everything in sight. You've never even tried this drink before and thus are not sure if it is all that great anyway.

> ID: Cautiously sip swill, but be prepared to BLUH at a moment's notice.

You chug the soda with reckless abandon and find that is pretty decent. It's lightly carbonated and not too sweet. Tastes like pomegranate. Truly a drink for those with a discerning adult palate. Still not something to launch your shit up into orbit over.

Your thirst is now quenched and you experience no caffeine high.

> ID: Seek out a sparring partner to sharpen rhyming chops.

Oh yesss, now that's a command! You spare a moment to holster a couple bottles before rushing back to the command console.

Let's see...

Who shall be the first to receive the gift of utter verbal ruination?

mauve

03-01-2011, 10:25 PM

>Be the lucky recipient of aforementioned gift.

Error: You can't be the lucky recipient because she hasn't decided who to talk to yet!

>Be someone else.

You are now GORRMA.

>......

Don't worry.

The tears

have

finally stopped.

You are now sitting at your computer, contemplating this latest turn of events. Your CONVERSATION with SHARL has left you pensive. Could it be true? Could this game really hold the key to resurrecting your lusus? It sounded impossible, but then, so did the idea that installing a video game on your half-eaten husktop could bring about the apocalypse.

You chew your lower lip thoughtfully. You had, in all honesty, considered abandoning the SGRUB game and going on a vengeful hunt-down of your former friend Aldurin. If you found his hive, justice would be served with a side of fries. If your failure to connect to the game doomed the entire world... well, Aldurin would still die anyway, so it wasn't a total loss.

But now the possibility of reversing the damage done to Nommington beckoned. And you DID just tell Sharl you'd play...

Ugh, this is so confusing! You hate moral quandries! To risk dooming the world in order to get revenge, or to risk letting a murderer get away on the heresay rumor that you could resurrect a friend.

You don't know what to do! If only someone would send you a SIGN! Some sort of divine guidance, letting you know which path you should follow! If only the ghost of your dearly departed lusus would appear now before you, to offer you a word of wisd--- oh hey, is that an Alternian gigapede on the ground over there??

>....what

Oh wow, it IS! You jump up from your husktop and GOURMANCER HARVEST-POUNCE on the little armored creature. You grab the insect before it can scurry away on its billion little legs back into your larder.

The ALTERNIAN GIGAPEDE was a symbol of good luck. The hard-to-find little insect was said to live in places where good things were about to happen. This must be a sign! Maybe... Maybe things were going to get better after all!

You look down at your clasped hands, the gigapede trapped in your clutches, its myriad of tiny, segmented lags scratching to get free. You think you'l call him Giga.

>Gorrma: Make gigapede a hat and tiny sunglasses; declare him your sidekick and go on a magical adventure together.

Oh man, that would be so cool. Gorrma and Giga, riding off into the sunset to do battle with foes and explore new worlds. You're gonna--

CRUNCH!

Mmmmmmm. Tastes like good fortune and exoskeleton!

You slurp down the rest of ex-Giga like a peice of spaghetti and wipe your hands on your apron. Hey, maybe Giga had a nest somewhere down here! You bet gigapede larva would taste excellent baked into a fritter!

This was a sign. Things were going to get better.

In the sky, a large glowing chunk of rock began its fateful descent.

Token

03-02-2011, 02:06 PM

==>

You are now, against all reasoning, Tergum in the distant past of... well, fifty-five minutes before he enters the medium. You have just discovered (and accidentally captchalogued) the corpse of your Lusus, and have managed to put aside that loss for the sake of your friends.

>DP...W55MBHETM Tergum: Check Trollian.

http://i56.tinypic.com/xc2e01.gif

Jegus Christopher on a ONE-WHEELED DEVICE, the notifications! The memo you started is practically exploding, there is somehow another Team Rocket memo, the Fortress memo has a veritable shitton of replies, and you're being trolled by... antipathicHopper? What?

Tergum: Sort that shit out.

You decide it's safe to assume you can close the Team Fortress memo; you've already put your two cents in, and you doubt there's anything worth reading. The first Rocket memo, on the other hand, requires a little more of your time, and a lot more of your patience. You suppose you should compose yourself, and answer.

Future antipathicHopper [FAH] reconnected
FAH: []kay. I'^^ starting t[] think this wh[]|_e "dying |_usus" thing ^^ight be part []f the ga^^e.
FAH: Strize fe|_|_ d[]wn the stairs and i^^pa|_ed hi^^se|_f []n his []wn b|_ade.
FAH: I kn[]w f[]r a fa[t that he w[]u|_dn't n[]r^^a|_|_y d[] s[]^^ething |_ike that.
FAH: It's why ^^y hive is fu|_|_ []f e|_evat[]rs.
FAH: I warned hi^^ ab[]ut stairs.
FAH: I t[]|_d hi^^.
FAH: S[], basi[a|_|_y, what I'^^ saying is that every[]ne needs t[] be prepared.
FAH: N[]t ru|_ing []ut [[]in[iden[e just yet, but this see^^s a |_itt|_e...
FAH: [[]ntrived, I guess?
FAH: S[] yeah. Fair warning.
FAH: []n a ^^u[h ^^[]re depressing n[]te:
FAH: I've app[]inted Ba|_|_aa ^^y se[[]nd in [[]^^and.
FAH: Be[ause fu[k the rest []f y[]u, that's why.
CTA: yOU'rE jUst pArAnOId, twO cAsEs Of lUsUs mOrtAlItY dOn't mEAn thIs gAmE Is A sUpErnAtUrAl sErIAl kIllEr
CTA: EspEcIAlly sIncE thEy dIEd In wAYs thOUsAnds Of lUsII dIE
FUTURE burlesque Balderdash [FBB] (180:00 hours from now) responded to the memo
FBB: O>o dont mind me STOP
FBB: O>o im just bookmarking this particular section of the memo for future reference STOP
FBB: O>o ie: to show future derpah how full of shit he is STOP
FBB: O>o byebye now STOP
FUTURE burlesqueBalderdash has ceased responding
FAH: Derpah, y[]u'|_|_ [hange y[]ur tune []n[e Herpey dies.
FAH: And []f fu[king [[]urse it's a supernatura|_ seria|_ ki|_|_er!
FAH: Did y[]u f[]rget ab[]ut the rest []f the p|_anet, nu^^bg|_[]bes?
CTA: I'm lEAvIng thE tImE thAt wE stArt In yOUr hAnds (Or cAOwAy, whOEvEr gOEs fIrst)
CTA: yOU'rE frEE tO stArt An EvAcUAtIOn Of thE plAnEt If yOU rEAllY thInk EvErYOnE wIll bElIEvE A vIdEO gAmE wIll dEstrOy AltErnIA
FUTURE melancholicChumly [FMC] 134:00 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo
FMC: Evacuation won't /)o any G\oo/).
FMC: The apocolypS\e iS\n't G\oinG\ to happen faS\t enouG\h.
FAH: We|_|_.
FAH: That wasn't []^^in[]us at a|_|_.
FMC: S\orry, that'S\ turninG\ into a ba/) habit.
FAH: It's fine, I guess.
FAH: S[], sin[e y[]u're here (and further than I a^^), whi[h []ne []f us is g[]ing first?
FMC: If I remember correctly, I S\houl/) be enterinG\ in about 10 minuteS\ from PaS\t /)erpah'S\ perS\pective.
FAH: What.
FAH: WHAT?
FMC: Yeah, biG\ miS\take. I know that now.
FAH: I.
FAH: Gah.
FAH: Y[]u stupid s[]nnuva....
FAH: SHIT.
FAH: Ha|_f []f ^^y tea^^ hasn't even g[]tten ba[k t[] ^^e yet!
FMC: S\orry, like I S\ai/):
FMC: BiG\ miS\take.
FMC: Everyone'S\ G\oinG\ to G\et in thouG\h, S\o you S\houl/)n't worry too much.
FMC: BeS\i/)eS\, I'm not here to talk to you.
FMC: /)erpah, you S\houl/) really G\o over that G\ame co/)e aG\ain.
FMC: Not riG\ht now thouG\h. You're about to have company.
FMC: S\ee the meS\S\aG\e I alrea/)y left you for more on that.
FMC: S\pecifically, the warninG\ at the bottom.
FAH: Caoway. Just so you know.
FAH: The next time I see you, I'm punching you.
FAH: In the face.
FMC: That'S\ nice.
FMC: Well, I'm /)one playinG\ thiS\ G\ame of temporal G\rab-nook.
FMC: For now at leaS\t.
FMC: Reztek S\houl/) really be the one /)oinG\ thiS\ S\hit.
FUTURE melancholicChumly [FMC] ceased responding to memo.
FAH: Why sh[]u|_d Rez...
FAH: Whatever, I'|_|_ take his w[]rd f[]r it.
FAH: Future Reztek, DE^^ERIT.
FAH: When y[]u read this, g[]... |_[][k y[]urse|_f in a r[][]^^ with Derpah f[]r an h[]ur.
CTA: wAIt, dOn't lOck mE In A rOOm wIth rEztEk
CTA: And whAt dId cAOwAy mEAn bY "cOmpAnY"?
FAH: Fu[k y[]u, A|_durin, I'^^ sure it's at |_EAST 5[]% y[]ur fau|_t.
FSH: but guys come on we have to save alternia i mean its our planet why wont you do it ok ok fine be that way
FUTURE spectacularHellion has begun holding his breath.
currentpandorasArchivist [CPA] has responded to memo
CPA: What.
CPA: Are you diong?
FUTURE spectacularHellion passed out.
CPA: Thank sweet troll jegus.
CPA: Now...
CPA: Soemdoby, explian.
CPA: What in the name of the the grothermub is giong on?
FAH: We|_|_, if I had t[] hazard a guess...
FAH: I'd say that Zebrek wi|_|_ h[]|_d his breath unti|_ he passes []ut at s[]^^e p[]int in the future.
CTA: jUst hOw lOng hAvE yOU bEEn lOst In yOUr Own hIvE?
CTA: I wAs gOnnA lEt yOU lEAd thIs hAlf Of thE gIg bUt yOU nEvEr AnswErEd
CTA: sO nOw I'll lEt tErgUm mAkE thE pItch On whY yOU shOUld cOnsIdEr thIs tO bE ImpOrtAnt
FAH: Be[ause I fu[king said s[].
Future omnipotentOmnivore [FOO] responded to memo.
FOO: hey! you guysh didn't tell me we were going to jump into team rocket'sh
FOO: shecret memo. ]:-(
FOO: unlessh caoway and zeb'sh intrushionsh haven't happened yet from my
FOO: pershpective...?
FOO: ugh. thish time travelly shtuff is hard to get ushed to.
CPA: None of you are doing athyning to concinve me that I will be in soethming even appromixating "good company" once I join the ranks of sivurvors.
CTA: bUt thE pOInt Is yOU'll bE A sUrvIvOr
CTA: cOmE On, It cAn't bE thAt bAd . . .
CTA: EssEntIAllY thIs Is A gAmE Of sOmE bIzArrE nAtUrE
CTA: OnE Of thE fEw thIngs wE knOw AbOUt It Is thAt It wIll dEstrOy thE wOrld
CTA: bUt thOse whO plAy sUrvIvE sOmEhOw
CTA: mY prOfEssIOnAl gUEss Is thAt thIs Is A rEAlIstIc pOst-ApOcAlYptIc RPG
CTA: bUt I'm nOt tOtAllY sUrE
CPA: I quetsoin the your ability to possess a prefossional anyhting.
CPA: But regraldess...
CPA: We will see, I am sure.
CPA: And I thank Jegus that I am not in chrage.
CTA: Is thAt whY yOU nEvEr AnswErEd mE?
CTA: I wAs gOnnA lEt yOU hAvE dIbs On lEAdErshIp, bUt nOOO yOU hAd tO prEtEnd yOU wErEn't thErE
CPA: I wasn't, and why wuold I want to?
CPA: Oh noooo i don't get to babysit the freak show, WHAT WILL I DOOOO
absentPsychologist [AP] responded to the memo.
AP: It isn't. An offical...thing. Gorrma. But, everybody...is doing it. So, we just do.
AP: And yeah...I hate it. I think, that is why. You haven't. Seen any other time, me's around.
AP: Anyway, Caoway is about. To die. One sec.
absentPsychologist [AP] ceased responding to the memo.
FAH: Huh. We|_|_, that's n[]t g[][]d.
FAH: A|_s[], fu[k every[]ne wh[]'s n[]t part []f TEA^^ R[][KET.
FAH: Y[]u're a|_|_ 'tarding up this ^^e^^[].
FAH: And frank|_y, Derpah's d[]ing a g[][]d en[]ugh j[]b []f that a|_ready.
FAH: S[] whi|_e I'^^ sure he'd appre[iate the he|_p, I'^^ afraid I have t[] ask y[]u t[] piss []ff.
CPA: That is liratelly the first itnegillent thing that has been said in this memo.
CPA: I will get back to all of you on this. Right now, there are some...
CPA: Pesronal matters to take care of.
FAH: Fantasti[.
FAH: N[]w I just need t[] hear ba[k fr[]^^ HE...
-FUTURE antipathicHopper (41 hours from now) responded to memo-
FAH: Wait, what?
FAH2: What d[] y[]u think, bu|_ge-st[]mper?
FAH2: It's y[]u. Fr[]m the future.
FAH2: Here t[] impart s[]me g[]ddamn kn[]w|_edge.
FAH2: Y[]u [an thank me |_ater.
FAH2: Y[]u're very we|_[[]me, Tergum, it was a p|_easure as a|_ways.
FAH: The fu[k?
FAH2: Anyway, p|_easantries []ut []f the way, time f[]r future kn[]w|_edge.
FAH2: First: st[]p being su[h an utter t[][]|_ t[] every[]ne/
FAH2: Se[[]nd: y[]u aren't near|_y as funny as y[]u think y[]u are/
FAH2: Third: F[]r fu[k's sake, dr[]p the "^^" thing.
FAH: But... I |_ike the "^^" thing.
FAH2: N[] y[]u d[]n't. Y[]u've hated it, but y[]u kept it be[ause y[]u're a dumbshit.
-FUTURE antipathicHopper (63 hours from now) responded to memo-
FAH3: []h Jegus's taint, w[]u|_d y[]u tw[] shut up?
FAH3: I'^^ e^^barrassed t[] even be y[]u.
FAH: See? He d[]es the "^^" thing!
FAH3: Shut. The Fu[k. Up.
-Future antipathicHopper [FAH3] banned FUTURE antipathicHopper [FAH] from responding to memo-
FAH2: W[]w. That was even m[]re stupid the se[[]nd time around.
FAH3: D[] y[]u have any idea h[]w ^^uch shit I g[]t fr[]^^ the ^^ini[]ns be[ause []f y[]u?
FAH3: S[]. Fu[king. H[]rrible.
FAH2: []h. Shit. Them.
-Future antipathicHopper [FAH2] ceased responding to memo-
CPA: Oh sweet troll jegus.
CPA: Why in the name of all that is liraletty
CPA: would you find it neseccary to fill this cosnervation with...
CPA: that?
FAH3: Y[]u'll understand when y[]u're []lder.
FUTURE pandorasArchivist [FPA] (103 hours from now) has responded to memo
FPA: Oh, yuo lwil udstrendadn.
FPA: Fro brette.
FPA: Or for rwose.
FPA: Bieveile yuo meeee...
FAH3: See? Listen t[] that ja[kass.
FAH3: Hey, ja[kass, questi[]n.
FAH3: Is the tea^^ terrified []f ^^y brutal reign yet?
FPA: Oh daer.
FPA: Butlarity... and... froce?
FPA: Theos aer not the maesn to yrou edn...
FAH3: []^^in[]us. But ^^[]st likely, bullshit.
FAH3: I'^^ just g[]nna assu^^e y[]u've all a[[epted R[][KET [REED NUMBER []NE:
FAH3: All ^^ini[]ns ^^ust gr[]vel in the presen[e []f their GL[]RI[]US LEADER.
FAH3: ALL []f the ^^ini[]ns. All []f the^^.
FUTURE eloquentOrchestrator [FEO] (??? hours from now) has responded to memo
FEO: Ok i'm The tIme tRoll Here And eVen i ThinK thiS futUre/pAst sElf mEmo gRubfUckeRy is RetArdeD.
FEO: I've bEen pUlliNg stAble Time LoopS out Of my Ass fOr daYs anD theSe meMos aRe a dIsgrAce tO eveRythIng i Do
FEO: I alrEady Know You dOn't sTop, bUt i hAve tO at lEast Try tO keeP the IdioCy to A minImum
FEO: It wiLl heLp keEp thE skuLl heMmorRhagIng aT a reCord Low
FUTURE antipathicHopper [FAH4] (??? hours from now) has responded to memo.
FAH4: THE MEM[]S
FAH4: WI|_|_
FAH4:NEVER ST[]p.
FAH4: THE MEM[]S WI|_|_ NEVER ST[]P.
CPA: Oh not athoner one.
FEO: See tHis iS whaT i'm tAlkiNg abOut
FEO: This InanE bulLshiT
FAH4: Hey, I a[tua|_|_y []n|_y [ame ba[k t[] te|_|_ past me t[] st[]p with this shit.
FAH4: But I guess he d[]esn't be[ause I sti|_|_ did it...
FAH4: I think if y[]u were better at y[]ur job, a|_|_ []f this [[]u|_d be averted.
FAH4: Way t[] fu[king g[], Rezzy.
FEO: This Is whY im tHe tiMe trOll aNd yoUre tHe prInce Of stUpid BullShit
FEO: I knoW thaT parAdox SpacE is jUst hAvinG a blAst mAkinG us iTs biTcheS witH theSe bulLshiT non-LineAr evEnts Of unAvoiDablE idiOcy
FEO: And tRust Me, ivE triEd chAngiNg thIngs
FEO: It diD not End wEll
FEO: That Is alL anyOne nEeds To knOw anD wilL eveR knoW aboUt thAt
FUTURE antipathicHopper [FAH5] (???+1 hours from now) has responded to memo.
FAH5: |_[]ng st[]ry sh[]rt, t[][] mu[h time|_ine fu[kery equa|_s dead Rezteks.
FAH5: Y[]u're we|_[[]me.
FUTURE eloquentOrchestrator [FEO2] (??? hours from now) responded to memo
FEO2: Ok i dOnt kNow hOw muCh tiMe i hAve lEft sO ill Make This QuicK
FEO2: TergUm i tHougHt yoU wouLd liKe to Know TherE is a Cozy TimeLine Out tHere WherE you SuffEr thE mosT dooMed eXistEnce
FEO2: MoreSo thAn evEryoNe elSe in That TimeLine
FEO2: It is RathEr deGradIng aCtuaLly aNd i tOok sOme pIctuRes fOr yoU
FUTURE eloquentOrchestrator sent antipathicHopper DoomEdfoReveR.trar
FEO2: EnjoY
FUTURE eloquentOrchestrator's [FEO2] computer exploded
FAH5: These are...
FAH5: A[tua|_|_y pretty g[]ddamn ad[]rab|_e.
FAH5: I especia|_|_y |_ike the way the b|_[][]d makes a giant winged butter beast.
FAH5: And I'm impressed he's sti|_|_ a|_ive without skin.
FAH5: []r arms.
CPA: Do I watn to see?
FAH5: Probab|_y n[]t f[]r a few days fr[]^^ y[]ur perspe[tive.
FAH5: Y[]u aren't mad en[]ugh at me yet.
FPA: He si cecorrt. Fro ocne. Yuo do tno.
FAH5: We|_|_! N[]w that's sett|_ed, I'm [|_[]sing this mem[], and starting an[]ther []ne.
FAH5: Preferably WITH[]UT all the stupid timefu[kery and Team F[]rtress bu|_|_shit.
FAH4: Even th[]ugh ha|_f []f that is []ur fau|_t?
FAH5: Especially be[ause ha|_f []f that is []ur fau|_t.[/COLOR]
FUTURE antipathicHopper closed memo: Prepare f[]r tr[]ub|_e!

What. The fuck. Did you just read.

> You are now Tergum in an indeterminate amount of time in the future. Like many things in the future, you use the color red, because you are a dumbass and you think it will make you go faster. You have just finished brutally closing an innocent (if stupid) memo.

What will you do?

>Future Tergum: Start a motherfucking new one.

FUTURE antipathicHopper (???+1 hours from now) started memo: And Make it Doub|_e!
FAH: []kay, take tw[].
FUTURE antipathicHopper mass-banned Team Fortress from responding to memo.
FAH: Eh, never mind. That's |_ess fun.
FUTURE antipathicHopper unbanned Team Fortress from responding to memo.
FAH: A[tua|_|_y...
FUTURE antipathicHopper banned spectacularHellion from responding to memo.
FAH: And then everything was g[][]d f[]rever.
FAH: []kay, I'^^ ab[]ut t[] pass this []ver t[] past me.
FAH: []ther than that, n[] ti^^efu[kery.
FAH: It just ^^akes Reztek's j[]b harder.
FUTURE antipathicHopper made CURRENT antipathicHopper admin of the memo.
FAH: Try n[]t t[] fu[k this []ne up s[] ^^u[h kidd[].
FUTURE antipathicHopper stopped responding to memo.

Well. That was stupid. You've done your part though. Only one thing left to do, and then you can begin the MeRcIlEsS SlAuGhTeR Of yOuR FrIeNd.

But before that happens, Future Tergum in the Past has to take over the memo.

>Past-Future Tergum: Do so.

CURRENT technopathicalAnomaly [TA] responded to memo
CTA: plEAsE fOcUs On thE prEsEnt gUys InstEAd Of ArgUIng wIth fUtUrE sElvEs
CTA: EspEcIAllY sIncE It's UncOnfIrmEd AbOUt whEthEr Or nOt thErE Is A tImE-lImIt fOr sUrvIvIng thE ImpEndIng dOOm
CTA: And I'd lIkE tO hAvE At lEAst OnE mEmO thAt I cAn UsE tO mOnItOr prOgrEss
CTA: thIs wAy I mIght bE AblE tO AntIcIpAtE chAllEngEs
currentpandorasArchivist [CPA] has responded to memo
CPA: Yuo thikn this gaem is...
CPA: Stitac? Precitdable?
CPA: Yuo hostenly thikn you can atcipinate it?
CTA: nOt At thIs pOInt, thE cOdE Is ImpOssIblE tO fUllY AnAlYzE
CTA: bUt cErtAIn strIngs sEEm fAmIlIAr, I'll nEEd mOrE rEfErEncE On hOw thE gAmE wOrks bEfOrE I EvEn gUEss whAt thOsE dO
CURRENT antipathicHopper [CAH] has responded to memo
CAH: S[], y[]u pretty ^^u[h ^^ade this ga^^e p|_ayab|_e, and y[]u d[]n't kn[]w what it d[]es?
CAH: D[]es that strike any[]ne e|_se as stupid?
CTA: I cAn sEnd yOU thE OrIgInAl fIlE sO yOU cAn sEE If yOU cAn dEtErmInE mOrE
CTA: thE cOnvErsIOn wAs bAsed On rEcOgnIzIng prOpEr sEctIOns Of cOdIng, whAt thEy dO cAn't bE fIgUrEd OUt bEcAUse thErE Is nO rEAl rEfErEncE fOr thIs
CTA: And hErpEy hElpEd On sOmE pArts bUt I cOUldn't gEt hIm tO sAy whAt thE fUnctIOn Of EvErYthIng wAs
CAH: Fair en[]ugh.
FUTURE spectacularHellion [FSH2] 4:58 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo
FSH2: oh gog just shut the fuck up tergum no one cares about your stupid fucking angry thing you do like its cool or something its just stupid
FSH2: just crawl into a fucking hole and die so that we dont have to put up with your stupid bullshit anymore you worthless pathetic grubsniffer
FSH2: gog just shut up shut up shut up shut up shut upshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupsh utupshutupshutup
FUTURE spectacularHellion ceased responding to memo.
CTA: I sEE thAt yOU'll bE mAkIng frIEnds tErgUm
CTA: I'd prEfEr lEss bOtchEd dIplOmAcY And mOrE cOOpErAtIOn bUt yOU'rE thE bOss
CTA: wEll, OnE Of thEm . . .
CAH: U^^. That was entire|_y un[hara[teristi[ []f hi^^. [8o
CURRENT melancholicChumly [CMC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo-
CMC: I'/) S\ay it'S\ entirely characteriS\tic of wriG\G\ler who /juS\t ha/) to take hiS\ luS\uS\ out back behin/) the lawnrinG\ maintenence tool S\toraG\e block an/) put it out of it'S\ miS\ery.
CMC: Which iS\ kin/) of why I'm here.
CMC: I /juS\t S\tarte/) a new memo, one that both teamS\ nee/) to rea/).
CMC: I'll S\en/) you all the link riG\ht now.
CURRENT melancholicChumly [CMC] ceased responding to memo-
CAH: We|_|_. I'^^ entire|_y fu[king tired []f a|_|_ these ^^e^^[]s.
CAH: [|_[]sing this []ne, |_et's a|_|_ just h[]p []ver t[] ^^['s new []ne.
-CURRENT antipathicHopper closed memo: And ^^ake it d[]ub|_e!

You'll be damned if you're going to give Caoway the satisfaction of actually going over to his memo. Really, you only closed this memo because you didn't want it to get stupidly long. It's not like he has anything important to say anyway! Besides, you're rather interested in seeing what antipathicHopper has to say to you.

>Past-Future Tergum: Answer... yourself?

antipathicHopper [AH] began trolling antipathicHopper [AH]
AH: He|_|_[], Tergu^^.
AH: Y[]u're ^^e fr[]^^ the future, right?
AH: What the he|_|_ d[] y[]u want?
AH: S[]rt []f busy trying t[] find ti^^ t[] ^^[]urn Strize.
AH: ...
AH: [[]^^e []n, [an this wait?

==> You are now Future Tergum. assuming Future Tergum was telling the truth, you have two options.

Which one will you chose?

=/=> (http://nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1112321&postcount=47) or ==> (http://nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1112323&postcount=48) ?

Token

03-02-2011, 02:20 PM

=/=>

You are now Future Tergum, and you're about to make the MOST STUPID DECISION OF YOUR LIFE.

AH: N[].
AH: This is...
AH: Vita|_.
AH: [:)
AH: Fine. What d[] y[]u want?
AH: The B[][]k.
AH: Y[]u kn[]w the []ne. Take it []ff the desk.
AH: N[]W.
AH: Why?
AH: Trust ^^e, fu[knuts, I'^^ fr[]^^ the future is why.

=/=>

You are now Tergum, and you can't argue with logic like that.

=/=>

You remove Trollight from your desk.

=/=>

Your kernelsprite is only prototyped once before entry, saving you a lot of hassle and agitation when you enter the Medium.

=/=>

And then, because you didn't do what you were supposed to, after many, many, many hours of trials, gaming, and becoming a better person..

=/=>

You die.

=/=>

You are now Future Tergum, and you have just killed yourself, and all of your friends. As you begin to dissolve due to Paradox Space's bullshit, one thought goes through your mind.

"Fu[k y[]u, Future Tergu^^."

>Return to Page 153. (http://nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1112315&postcount=46).

Token

03-02-2011, 02:30 PM

==>

You are now Future Tergum, and you are pretty sure you shouldn't trust Future Tergum. You sigh, ignore his incessant trolling, and respond to your past self.

AH: ...
AH: Yeah. I guess it [an.
AH: I just want t[] say...
AH: We|_|_, he'd have been pr[]ud []f y[]u.
AH: Things are g[]nna get shitty rea|_|_ s[][]n, but []ur du^^bass friends need y[]u.
AH: What the he|_|_?
AH: Just... when y[]u get s[]^^e free ti^^e, y[]u need t[] write.
AH: You'|_|_ kn[]w what t[] write when it c[]^^es, but just... try t[] have fun.
antipathicHopper [AH] stopped trolling antipathicHopper [AH]

AH: What the fu[k?

>Future Tergum: Die.

You do so, with a smile on your face, and one thought goes through your mind.

"Fu[k y[]u, Future Tergu^^."

==>

Intern Nin

03-03-2011, 08:54 PM

==>

You are the Intractable Drifter and you are searching for someone deserving of your brutal poetry.

> ID: Type => Switch 2

Done. The second monitor flickers on and displays the salty troll youth you dubbed as �sage� earlier. He is currently strangling an imp using a pole-and-line.

> hey sea cucumber
> im back
> ready to face the rapocalypse sage
> im about to rain down some lethally dope rhymes

The young troll seems to be too engrossed in his struggle to pay you any mind.

> hey im talking to you sage
> stop brushing me off and respond

The young man who would be Sage appears to be facing a dilemma. The imp wears the face of his guardian. He is hesitant in finishing it off.

> what is this
> that underling isnt your stupid ghost-dad-beast
> why don't you just get over it
> seriously can't believe this shit
> youve already fought that face a thousand times before
> just do what what you always do hardcore

The fishertroll abides. He tears the imp's head off and it's body converts into building materials. The troll looks at the mess of grist quizzically.

> oh wow brutal i mean the way you fought
> well you gonna pick up those spoils or not

There is much scrambling about and the grist and calcium are collected.

Grist: +20
Calcium: +15

The sprat also picks up a new strife specibus card, Pistolkind. He doesn't seem too enthused about this new addition to his strife portfolio. Maybe he doesn't like guns?

> i wonder if offing that punkass chump
> was enough to give your punkass rank a bump
> oh that was awful
> pretend i never said any of that

This victory gives the Troll a few thin chin whiskers and allows him to climb up his echeladder. He ascends from the lowly "Greenpike" and bypasses the second acheivement rung of �Easily Out-Dreadlocksed By Zooplankton Buckeroo� altogether, landing him on the slightly more respectable �Shrimp Sheller� rung.

His cache limit is expanded to 50 and his gel viscosity increases to 20. He receives 96 boondollars, which is immediately placed in his taxidermied porkhollow.

> hey who are these douchebags

New enemies approach. It appears the imp had friends. Friends who are none too happy to find the troll boy gathering up the remains of their comrade. They loudly and clumsily charge at the imp killer.

> way to ambush
> stooges
> why even bother sending imps
> those idiots deserve to be straightup broadside smackdowned into a bunch of grist

Caoway's line is cast and hooks the imp in front, the one with the bug eyes. The mutant malefactor is then swung straight up, smashing his broadside right through the ceiling. The fishertroll follows up reeling it back in and smacking the imp down into the ground so hard that it explodes into grist.

The other imps seem to be shocked by this unsettling display of aggression and stop in their tracks. How could their attack fail? They're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove! Their world view has just been shattered like a cheap taco shell that has had too much shredded lettuce stuffed into it.

> hey sage theyre eying that gun

Indeed, the enemies have noticed the endgame weapon lying on the floor. If they could just sort of... reach over there and...

Aw, they're too slow. Just before the imp can grab the wave motion blunderbuss, it's snatched up by the fishertroll's line and reeled in.

> pretty fancy rod fu there capn chump
> why dont you take it outside
> and pay a visit to the stump

Caoway has no idea what you're talking about and is trying to block you out. He points the newly acquired weapon at the imps, scoffs, and decides to catphalogue it instead. The notion of simply blasting his foes into oblivion doesn't seem to be an appealing concept to him.

> wuss
> wuss wuss wuss
> wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss

He stores it in the regular sylladex rather than the strife deck and the tidal modus washes out the concertina to make room. The free reed is launched up into the air and whirls around in spectacular display of ragdoll physics. The imps watch in awe as it arcs across the room and lands squarely in the spade-head's face, letting out a funny crash note as the imp drops to the ground. A portion of spade-head's health vial dries up.

> so very fucking outrageous
> go end it already sage-ous

He rushes forward. The third one is caught off guard and makes a frighten swipe that barely scratches the hardy troll. The dip in his health vial is barely noticeable and the imp's attack makes an opening for him to aggrieve! Caoway switches to oarkind and delivers a smack that sends antenna-head flying through the wall.

Still on the floor, spade-head starts to come to his senses and removes the concertina from his face. Just in time to get a good look at the sole of an old weathered galosh.

Caoway stomps down with all the might of his mangrit. He now stands in another puddle calcium and grist, his left golash covered in white powder.

> yes thats right sage
> just stand there and look badass you
> even though crying seems to be all that you do
> oh I have to kill that groucho cat face
> wah wah wah know your fucking place
> wuss

The heckling seems to finally be getting to Caoway and he starts swearing at you. Unbeknownst to him, one is sneaking up on him. The antenna'd imp he sent through the wall survived, although only barely. It has only the smallest amount of gel left in its vial, but appears to have learned from its mistakes. While supposed sage continues to curse thin air, it slowly makes its way behind him.

> here it comes

The imp makes its move. It leaps forward and catches Caoway's neck in its scythes. The would be sage is caught and he knows it. The imp's victory is imminent, all it takes just a little twitch and...

The imp sniffs one of Caoway's dreadlocks and swoons a little.

> what

Okay, the imp is almost certain that that is not what it wanted to do. Now to fin-

Its scythes are blasted off by a greenish beam that looked like it was full of cigars and herring. The imp staggers backward and is then pounced on by glowing blur of green fur and sabreteeth. Grist everywhere.

> so very useless

It would appear the imp executioner is a ghost-cat thing wearing a rather hilarious disguise. The fishertroll glowers at his greenish saviour.

BEECHIESPRITE: duh im sorry caoway
BEECHIESPRITE: i saw that he was about to hurt you and just acted on in-stinct
BEECHIESPRITE: you probably wanted to finish him off yourself huh
CAOWAY: You aG\ain!
BEECHIESPRITE: oh are you still mad at me caoway
BEECHIESPRITE: well if you are i can give you some space
BEECHIESPRITE: or maybe you want to work out your anger
BEECHIESPRITE: we could strife for old times sake
CAOWAY: ?
CAOWAY: ...Beechie?
CAOWAY: IS\ that really you Beechie?
BEECHIESPRITE: yep its me caoway
BEECHIESPRITE: your guardian beechie
BEECHIESPRITE: unless i stopped being beechie and didn't notice
BEECHIESPRITE: is that something that happened
BEECHIESPRITE: are you okay caoway

> sage you better not hug him

The fledgling sage runs over to his sprite and hugs him tightly. The sprite returns the embrace.

> bluh
> hate you so damn much

They part and the troll youth wipes a small tear from his eye.

CAOWAY: It'S\ G\oo/) to S\ee you aG\ain, Beechie.
BEECHIESPRITE: its good to see you again too
BEECHIESPRITE: and to smell you too I missed being able to do that
CAOWAY: How iS\ this even poS\S\ible?
BEECHIESPRITE: well when the ker-nel-sprite pro-to-typed my body it decided to revi
BEECHIESPRITE: resus
BEECHIESPRITE: resur
BEECHIESPRITE: um make me alive again
BEECHIESPRITE: a guide whos dead wouldnt be much use i think
CAOWAY: G\ui/)e?
BEECHIESPRITE: yeah I was made living again so that I could help in your journey through The Medium
CAOWAY: The me/)ium?
BEECHIESPRITE: thats where we are now
CAOWAY: I thouG\ht it waS\ calle/) the incipiS\phere.
CAOWAY: S\tupi/) /)erpah an/) hiS\ worhtleS\S\ G\ui/)e.
BEECHIESPRITE: duh hes still sort of right
BEECHIESPRITE: The Medium exists inside The Incipishere
BEECHIESPRITE: its a place where time from our u-ni-verse doesn't apply
BEECHIESPRITE: im not too sure on what that means exactly
CAOWAY: I think I un/)erS\tan/) that part. I have rea/) a few illuS\trate/) perio/)icalS\ about alternate /)imenS\ionS\ before.
BEECHIESPRITE: oh I knew you would get it
BEECHIESPRITE: thats caoway for you
CAOWAY: S\o I know where the G\ame takeS\ place.
CAOWAY: But what exactly am I S\uppoS\e/) to be /)oinG\ here?
CAOWAY: BeS\i/)eS| mur/)erinG\ little pow/)ery baS\tar/)S\.
BEECHIESPRITE: okay um first
BEECHIESPRITE: i think maybe telling you about whats in this place will give you good idea of what youre supposed to be doing
BEECHIESPRITE: high up above The Medium beyond the Seven Gates
CAOWAY: You mean the S\piroG\raphS\?
BEECHIESPRITE: uh I think so
CAOWAY: Oh S\orry, pleaS\e continue Beechie.
BEECHIESPRITE: well past those
BEECHIESPRITE: at the center of The Incipisphere
BEECHIESPRITE: there is a place called Skaia
BEECHIESPRITE: some people
BEECHIESPRITE: i cant say who though
BEECHIESPRITE: claim it is a sleeping container of um
BEECHIESPRITE: oh gee I don't know how to say this
BEECHIESPRITE: li-mit-less cre-a-tive po-ten-tial
BEECHIESPRITE: i dont really understand what that means either
BEECHIESPRITE: guess im not much of guide even with being alive and able to talk
CAOWAY: No, you're /)oinG\ a G\reat /job Beechie.
CAOWAY: S\kaia'S\ important, I G\et that.
CAOWAY: PleaS\e G\o on.
BEECHIESPRITE: okay
BEECHIESPRITE: yes it is important and because its so important that there are these two powers that have been fighting over it for as long as this place has existed
BEECHIESPRITE: there is one light side that guards and protects Skaia
BEECHIESPRITE: and one dark side that wants to destroy it.
BEECHIESPRITE: at the center of Skaia theres a place called the battlefield
BEECHIESPRITE: its there that these two forces fight
BEECHIESPRITE: well maybe fight isnt the right word
BEECHIESPRITE: theyre both evenly matched in strength and neither one dares to make a move
BEECHIESPRITE: so all they can do is circle each other
BEECHIESPRITE: of course theyre not doing that anymore
CAOWAY: Why not?
BEECHIESPRITE: a new el-e-ment was added to the mix
BEECHIESPRITE: one that has cre-a-ted an op-por-tu-ni-ty for growth in power on both sides
CAOWAY: S\o now they have to fiG\ht, or elS\e the other S\i/)e will wipe them out?
BEECHIESPRITE: yep thats right
CAOWAY: What waS\ it? What broke the S\talemate?
BEECHIESPRITE: uh it was you coming here caoway
CAOWAY: Me?
BEECHIESPRITE: uh huh
BEECHIESPRITE: when you entered the Medium the ker-nel-sprite i was put into hatched
BEECHIESPRITE: the sprite part
BEECHIESPRITE: thats me
BEECHIESPRITE: stayed behind but the ker-nel part split into two and left
BEECHIESPRITE: one went up to the ca-pi-tal of the light kingdom up above while leaving behind the Seven Gates
BEECHIESPRITE: the other went down to the land of shadows in the dark kingdom
BEECHIESPRITE: in each kingdom there are sixteen spires with orbs atop them
BEECHIESPRITE: thats as many as four fours
BEECHIESPRITE: they stand over the re-spec-tive so-ve-reign powers each waiting to re-ceive a kernel
BEECHIESPRITE: once the kernel comes to rest in the orb they take the in-for-ma-tion in it and apply it to their forces
BEECHIESPRITE: so the battle grows
BEECHIESPRITE: and it keeps growing with each new player who enters
BEECHIESPRITE: it is a battle between the forces of good and evil
BEECHIESPRITE: its kind of sad
CAOWAY: How S\o?
BEECHIESPRITE: the forces of light are always fated to lose
BEECHIESPRITE: no ex-cep-tions
CAOWAY: Well, that iS\ a little S\a/).
CAOWAY: FiG\htinG\ aG\ainS\t an a/)verS\ary you can't poS\S\ibly hope to /)efeat.
CAOWAY: I can empathize with that.
CAOWAY: S\o what'S\ the G\oal then?
BEECHIESPRITE: thats for you to find out
BEECHIESPRITE: because your journey is the Ultimate Riddle
BEECHIESPRITE: and its up to you to solve it
CAOWAY: Well...
CAOWAY: I'/) be lyinG\ if I S\ai/) that that /)oeS\n't S\eem like a bit of a /)auntinG\ taS\k.
CAOWAY: Coul/) I maybe G\et a clue on how I G\o about /)oinG\ that?
BEECHIESPRITE: well there are plenty of clues all around
BEECHIESPRITE: you can find them along the path through the gates
BEECHIESPRITE: in fact your first quest is to get through the first gate thats hanging above the hive

> oh my jegus motherfucking gaw
> shut the livid fuck up jabberjaw

CAOWAY: HOW ABOUT YOU S\HUT THE FUCK UP!
BEECHIESPRITE: oh
BEECHIESPRITE: im sorry ill be quiet now
CAOWAY: No! I waS\n't S\houtinG\ at you Beechie!
CAOWAY: I waS\ talkinG\ to...
CAOWAY: ThiS\ iS\ G\oinG\ to S\eem crazy, but I've been hearinG\ a voice ever S\ince I entere/).

> sage
> I know you cant see it right
> but im telling you a full moons out tonight

CAOWAY: It'S\ clear aS\ niG\ht an/) really annoyinG\.
BEECHIESPRITE: oh that
BEECHIESPRITE: thats another part of the game
BEECHIESPRITE: one i dont really get either
BEECHIESPRITE: but you can be rest assured that that voice is here to guide you just like I am

> pressed against the screen
> a fair rare fucking sight
> pucker up
> i now pronounce you man and wife

CAOWAY: I have S\ome /)oubtS\ about that.
BEECHIESPRITE: oh why

> sage here's the sitch
> get in the kitchen
> make my ass some dinner bitch

CAOWAY: For one, it keepS\ callinG\ me S\age.
CAOWAY: I think it may have the wronG\ perS\on, S\o maybe IT CAN LEAVE AN/) BOTHER S\OMEONE ELS\E!

[S (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmCWN8grnnQ)]========>

BEECHIESPRITE: oh but that is you theyre talking about
CAOWAY: What?
BEECHIESPRITE: in this world you are the Sage of Waves
BEECHIESPRITE: its you
CAOWAY: S\age... of WaveS\?
BEECHIESPRITE: yep thats your title and role
CAOWAY: Okay, the waveS\ part I can un/)erS\tan/) but...
CAOWAY: What exactly iS\ a S\age an/) what do they /)o?
BEECHIESPRITE: well sages are wisemen and
BEECHIESPRITE: they spread around wisdom and guidance and help people and
BEECHIESPRITE: be wise of course
CAOWAY: I really /)on't think I fit that role.
BEECHIESPRITE: not at the moment but don't worry
BEECHIESPRITE: everybody starts off as a zero
BEECHIESPRITE: and as you pro-gress you will be given the chance to grow into your title
BEECHIESPRITE: and I believe that you can do it
BEECHIESPRITE: youre a really special kid caoway
BEECHIESPRITE: im so proud of you
BEECHIESPRITE: and all that you do
CAOWAY:...
BEECHIESPRITE: is something wrong
CAOWAY: No, I... uh.
CAOWAY: I waS\ /juS\t thinkinG\ about that G\ate.
CAOWAY: S\eemS\ a bit too hiG\h up for me to /jump.
CAOWAY: How /)o I G\et to it?
BEECHIESPRITE: you build
BEECHIESPRITE: your friend who is as-sist-ing you will build the hive up higher
BEECHIESPRITE: while you collect material for them to use
CAOWAY: By material, I aS\S\ume you mean the S\tuff that fell out when I kille/) thoS\e impS\.
BEECHIESPRITE: thats right
CAOWAY: Hmm, /)o you think thiS\ enouG\h to G\et me to the G\ate?
BEECHIESPRITE: probably not I think
BEECHIESPRITE: but dont worry a large horde of really strong enemies is on its way to the hive even as we speak
BEECHIESPRITE: theyre sure to get here fast since you gave them my flippers and claws for climbing
BEECHIESPRITE: not to mention the platforms your friend made should help the bigger ones climb up
BEECHIESPRITE: they should provide the grist you need
CAOWAY: A hor/)e...
CAOWAY: S\tronG\er than theS\e oneS\?
BEECHIESPRITE: oh much stronger
CAOWAY: OutraG\eouS\.
CAOWAY: AlthouG\h, if I am to fiG\ht an entire army of calcifie/) /)ipS\hitS\ I'm G\oinG\ to have to armamentify.
CAOWAY: I remember rea/)ing about equipment craftinG\. How /)o I /)o that?
BEECHIESPRITE: duh for that youll need your server to deploy the punch designex
BEECHIESPRITE: i dont think theyve done that yet
CAOWAY: Oh crap, Lera/je haS\ alrea/)y S\tarte/) hiS\ S\eS\S\ion an/) I waS\n't able to G\et in contact with him earlier.
CAOWAY: I think we may be on our own.

> ashes to ashes dust to dust
> its your ass that theyre gonna bust

> Be someone considerably less doomed.

The SSB Intern

03-03-2011, 10:52 PM

>Be someone less traumatized.

That command was already filled several week ago numbglobes! You ought to pay more attention, before deciding to grace the world your infinitely vast ignorance. Try something else.

> Spam backspace.

Fine, bee that way. Asshole.

You ascend the command prompt until you find your desired action.

">Be someone less traumatized.|"

You are now less traumatized.

THAT IS LES TRAUMATIS�, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE. Remember that name, so when they ask what brigade of dashing and terrifying outlaws took down your miserable excuse for a lateral locoshuttle, you will.. ehhh... TELL THEM!!

>what is this i don't even

http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff97/The_SSB_Intern/Untitled.png

You are Casaro B'omine, leader of the disreputable gang of Alternian thieves, LES TRAUMATIS�. Your camaraderie specializes in lateral loco shuttle robberies, and you have become a notorious folk hero for your grand feats of crime and famous chivalry towards females. Most of that, however, is a load of romanticized bullshit made by the tabloid news common to this day and age. In reality, you're sort of a DICK. In this particular heist, you have stolen a little girl's locket, punched the conductor for looking at you, and pistol-whipped a very unlucky crippled troll.

But it was all worth it. You leave your men to watch the passengers and make your way to the back of the locoshuttle, where the supplies are being transported. While you're more oft to take the possessions of the passengers, this particular cargo is what drove to strike in the first place. For here is the treasure you have spent your life searching for. The Hearth of Hestia. Once you bring this baby to the Alternian Black Market for Extremely Rare and Coveted Cookware, there will be no more dinners of elbow pasta and powdered cultures for you! Even though they taste so good. You briefly ponder if there's some sort of variant or luxury brand you could buy as the butt of a rifle cracks across the back of your skull.

> Notice that your kismesis has outwitted you.

Huh. That she has.

> Monologue.

Casaro cannot perform that action as he is UNCONSCIOUS. He probably won't respond to anything else either, so why don't we move on?

> Be someone doing something awesome.

You are now Vintag, many sweeps in the future. From the previous perspective, that is. So, it's the present. And presently, you are in your laundry block, prepared to remove the stain caused by your asinine sylladex.

> Could you make that a little less awesome, please? I don't think my cardiovascular system can take that sort of excitement.

[S] (http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/wacky-antics) Fine, you are *AGRESSING* the stain. With a purifying bottle of chemicals in each hand, you attack your hat with unbridled ferocity. Auto-Polish! and so forth. Then you PUT...

THE HAT

IN

THE WASHER!

> This is stupid.

You remember that in addition to the meteors that will destroy your hive long before the spin cycle starts, you have 23 exact duplicates of this hat in your closet. You glare at the soiled hat for what you deem to be an appropriate amount of time, and then exit. You travel further into your hive, the flickering lights strewn across the hall do nothing to guide you, but you know the way without them. The electricity here was shoddy before there was a fire storm to reasonably explain it, but no technician was ever called to fix it. This is partly due to Derpah being the only mechanic you know and partly because you and Vicki don't actually own your hive. You just sort of... found it. So, gotta stay under the radar.

Speaking of Vicki, He's making some racket out in the whatever block. Whatever, anything that goofball breaks you can just replace later.

>Arrive in Respite Block

Finally, you have found the one block in your hive that doesn't have a million comedic deathtraps strewn all over it. Just one. You forgot where you put it. Regardless, when you see the familiar smiles of your silver screen idols cast on the walls around, you enter an almost zen-like state. Many nights you've spent watching your collection on your prized projector. Sometimes you just stare at your posters for a while. You do this all the time actually. You don't have a lot of friends to hang out with.

Speaking of which, you invited one of your friends from online to come watch a performance. Better get that straightened out while you still have the chance.

-burlesqueBalderdash [BB] began trolling absentPsychologist [AP]-
BB: O>o hey leraje just a heads up the gig at the culled martini has been canceled STOP
BB: O>o also it seems i have been inducted in some kind of doomsday game STOP
AP: Oh. Vintag. Hey, uh. Oh man, that is terrible. I was looking forward...wait. What game?
BB: O>o ugh its like... something really stupid sounding STOP
BB: O>o ssssscrabble i think STOP
AP: ...did Tergum message you, about it?
BB: O>o yeah howd you know STOP
AP: AUGH! I knew I should, have had. Grr...
AP: Umm, okay we. Are playing. The same, game. But...bad luck. We aren't. On the same side.
BB: O>o ...there are sides STOP
AP: I...knew Tergum, wasn't going. To be, all that great. Of a leader. But this is just....
AP: I mean. Man I should have just faced up and invited you.
BB: O>o that is a shame STOP
BB: O>o so do i have to kill you now or something STOP
BB: O>o i dont think that would be that enjoyable STOP
AP: I..actually I have. No idea. There. Seems to be. A goal.
AP: Most of it, simple. But what overaching whole it leads to, and why we, are in seperate teams. I have no idea.
BB: O>o what now STOP
AP: Well...try to. Get a hold. Of Tergum, he needs to stop. Being terrible. And lead you people. Also, we are all. Supposed to have. Server players(who help us) and clients(who we help) and. It is probably. Important. You figure out, who those. People are.
AP: Or you might die. And I'd be...really sad.
BB: O>o i would be too STOP
BB: O>o shit better find that out then STOP
AP: Yeah...um. You know, even though, we are on opposite sides. You can always message me. I'd hate to lose touch. You are really amazing...and all that.
BB: O>o i... uh STOP
BB: O>o ill keep that in mind STOP
absentPsychologist's computer exploded
BB: O>o O.o STOP

- burlesqueBalderdash ceased trolling absentPsychologist -

Okay what the hell?

>Look, a message!

- eloquentOrchestrator [EO] began trolling burlesqueBalderdash [BB] -
EO: Hey vIntaG, terGum tOld mE you WoulD be aCtinG as mY serVer pLayeR wheN we sTart PlayIng sGrub
EO: PleaSe teLl me That DidnT souNd liKe toTal nOnseNce tO you And tHat yOu knOw abOut tHe gaMe
BB: O>o oh STOP
BB: O>o yes STOP
BB: O>o i know everything about about slub STOP
BB: O>o i mean sgrub STOP
BB: O>o what do you need to know.. STOP
BB: O>o the gameplay? STOP
EO: What? No i jUst wAnteD to mAke sUre i DidnT neeD to eXplaIn anYthiNg
EO: I reaD derPahs UselEss gUide And i Had a... Umm... oTher SourCe of InfoRmatIon
EO: TalkIng aBout The dEtaiLs reMindS me oF thiS... uhh... OtheR souRce wHich Is raTher DiscOnceRtinG
BB: O>o umm right STOP
BB: O>o what exactly is diconcerting about it STOP
BB: O>o were the details of the game... STOP
BB: O>o ...gruesome STOP
EO: Well The gAme iS kinD of rEspoNsibLe foR the DeatHs of All oUr luSii
EO: But mOstlY its That I leaRned AbouT the Game From MyseLf...
EO: MyseLf frOm thE futUre...
EO: Who iM preTty sUre iS deaD now
BB: what
BB: i mean
BB: O>o your lusus is dead STOP
BB: O>o thats awful STOP
EO: Mine Isnt The oNly oNe
EO: So faR eveRyonE invOlveD in tHe gaMe haS had TheiR lusUs peRish
EO: Wait Do yoU meaN youR lusUs is StilL aliVe?
EO: I thoUght They Were All dEad bY now
BB: O>o no vickis fine i left him with my pan so that hell be safe STOP
BB: O>o in the common block STOP
BB: O>o by himself STOP
BB: O>o in the dark STOP
BB: O>o with my haunted pan STOP
BB: O>o i need to go STOP
EO: Oh fuCk
EO: I hopE hes AlriGht bUt uhH... if iTs anY conSolaTion The gAme cAn alSo brIng oUr luSii bAck... sOrt oF

>OHCRAPOHCRAPOHCRAP

By the time Reztek had written those final two lines, you had already disappeared through the door. You make a mad dash to the common block, stumbling over an assortment of wacky things in the veil of darkness and hazard that has become of your hallway. The clanging has stopped. Despite your best efforts, a thought bubbles to the surface of the dread gravy stewing in your think pan.

Is that good? Or bad?

You don't slow down. Nothing could break your stride at this point. But a loose bag of marbles does make you lose your footing, so you end up cartwheeling through the last leg of the-*CRASH*.

>WHY DOES EVERYTHING YOU DO HAVE TO BE A SHINING EXAMPLE OF INBRED IDIOCY?

You are now in your common block. The lights are out here as well, and you can barely see anything. However, something--or someone--definitely left a sizable mess. What it is though? All this black... blackness. It's like a sea jaguarian ripped into the ink bladder of a Deep One, that then proceeded to roll around in it. All over. You creep towards the far wall, ready to flip the fuck out at any monster that dares decide to exist. You're so tense you almost don't notice Vicki sitting in a pool of his own blood in the corner.

Wait.

http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff97/The_SSB_Intern/Vicki2.png

VINTAG: O>o vicki STOP
VINTAG: O>o how many times have told you stay out of the medicine cabinet STOP
VINTAG: O>o theres... pepto-bismal... everywhere STOP
VINTAG: O>o ... STOP
VINTAG: O>o no STOP

>Do something.

You are unable to move or think or do anything besides gawk at the broken figure of your guardian.

>Gawk at broken figure of your guardian.

NO! You need to help Vicki! He can get through this. He has to.

>Get help.

Only one troll is capable of helping you. You make a quick heel-turn and practically towards your husktop. You just hope he's not busy.

-- burlesqueBalderdash [BB] began trolling hazardousPracticioner [HP] --
BB: O>o nasryl something terrible has happened STOP
BB: O>o vicki is in need of medical assistance STOP
BB: O>o give me instructions on how to STOP STOP
BB: O>o uhhhh STOP
BB: O>o death STOP
HP: what
HP: uhh well im nXt sX actually nevermind I can help
HP: Tell me what the situation is and make it quick. I'll give what advice I can
BB: there's a gaping wound in his head STOP
BB: im gonna say its pretty serious STOP
HP: Xh gXg this is heavy stuff
HP: Apply pressure, stXp the bleeding
HP: Keep sXmething wrapped arXund, dXn't mXve him tXX much
BB: oh man oh man STOP
BB: i cant find anything STOP
BB: uhhhhhh STOP
HP: Panic is bad. It can be anything, preferably clXth and clean
HP: Apply pressure and stXp as much as pXssible
BB: ok ok caaaaaalm STOP
BB: ... STOP
BB: is blood sometimes in spongy chunks STOP
HP:
HP:
HP: NX
BB: ... STOP
BB: that is never going to wash out is it STOP
BB: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
HP: YXU there Vintag?!!
HP: There's always hXpe! I think
HP: Fffucck
HP: Vierth needs help I gXtta gX I am sX sXrry fXr yXur lXss!!!

-- hazardousPractitioner [HP] has ceased pestering burlesqueBalderdash [BB] --

You have fainted.

>You silly girl, wake up.

...

>This is no time for slumber.

....

>Fine. Be that way. I don't need you. I can find some other troll to command.

Arcanum

03-09-2011, 02:13 PM

> Fine. Be that way. I don't need you. I can find some other troll to command.

You have found Reztek! Unfortunately he can not be commanded at the moment because he is busy being confused and horrified by what he just witnessed.

> Relive the traumatizing experience.

No need, it's still fresh in your mind and currently ongoing. You are living it right now. But for the sake of avoiding confusion here's a recap. You just met yourself, from the future, who was missing an arm and bleeding profusely. He then told you about the game you would soon play with your friends that would both doom and save the world. He then told you to get to the sub-basement, which is where you are now.

> Find something to distract yourself with until Doomed Reztek dies

You rummage through boxes that are sweeps old, filled with old rusted instruments and other various useless things. However luck smiles upon you and you find your old husktop. This thing is ancient, and would be about as useful as a paper weight if it didn't have its power chord with it, which thankfully it does.

> Begin trolling friends immediately and forget about the death of your future self

You'd love to but the fact that he's you from the future is rather upsetting. It also doesn't help that you just heard a loud screeching yell coming from upstairs. While you're curious about what he's doing up there, a part of you believes enough of what he said to stay down here until the worst happens.

> Realize you are going to die a premature death

Upon realizing this most depressing realization you come to the only logical conclusion; time to cut away all future responsibilities, starting with the most important.

> Inform friends you are going to die

You start pestering Sharl. He really needs to know what's going on. You won't be needing those instruments you ordered any time soon. He'll be disappointed in the canceled order, but it's better than having him deliver the goods and never receive payment. You know, since you will be dead.

You then proceed to have this (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1106576&postcount=34) conversation. However something rather important happens midway through the conversation, so we'll just jump to that part.

> Jump to the important bit

The important bit happens right when you realize how pathetic you have been. Specifically when you were typing the following:

EO: Oh goG i am Such A patHetiC wriGgleR
EO: YourE rigHt it Was pRobaBly aLl soMe twIsteD delUsioN i thOughT up tO givE mysElf sOme fAke hOpe tHat sHellY wasNt reAlly Dead
EO: I am sO gogDamnEd STuPID
EO: Wait I thiNk i jUst hEard SomeThinG froM upsTairS, brb

The noise you heard was subtle at first, as if someone coughed while holding a microphone that was hooked up to you Wall of Amps while the dial was cranked ridiculously high. You have good ears for this sort of thing. You take a few tentative steps towards the staircase that leads out of the sub-basement before you hear something incredibly stupid.

GLUB!!!!!!!!

OH SWEET TROLL JEGUS YOUR EARS!

After a few moments of clutching your head and spewing words most unbecoming of someone with blood such as yours you return to your husktop and finish the rest of this (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1106576&postcount=34) conversation.

> Read some memos

You plan to, but first you need to get down to business. Tergum pestered you about the game forever ago and you never got back to him about it.

--antipathicHopper [AH] began trolling eloquentOrchestrator [EO]--
AH: []i, neatfreak.
AH: Y[]u've been drafted int[] a ga^^e that wi|_|_ destr[]y the w[]r|_d.
AH: D[]n't p|_ay, and, we|_|_...
AH: It'|_|_ get ^^essy. {8|
AH: Y[]u in?
EO: Hey sOrry I was PreoCcuPied EarlIer
EO: I thiNk in A bit I wilL infOrm tHe teAm abOut iT witH troLliaNs tiMe thIng
EO: That Way yOu guYs wilL knoW im oN the Team
EO: AlthOugh I gueSs yoU alrEady Know?
EO: Fuck This Time Shit Is weIrd aNd coNfusIng
EO: Oh anD im uP to sPeed With The gAme... mOstlY
EO: I knoW how To plAy anD why We arE plaYing
EO: Just Dont Ask hOw i kNow
EO: Just... Just Dont...
AH: G[][]d t[] kn[]w, I supp[]se.
AH: I'|_|_ take y[]ur w[]rd f[]r it.
EO: Ok goOd
EO: I stiLl neEd to Know The EntrY ordEr thOugh
EO: And i Need The fIle
AH: Y[]u g[] in fifth, after S[a|_is and bef[]re Vintag.
antipathicHopper [AH] sent eloquentOrchestrator [EO] file "Sgrub_remastered.texe" and file "Not_dying_in_Sgrub_for_assholes_v0.01.ttxt"
EO: ThanKs
--eloquentOrchestrator [EO] ceased trolling antipathicHopper [EO]--

> Deal with weird time shit

You proceed to binge on several of the trans-timeline memos that your friends seem to find so amusing. You spend the next hour or so doing this, responding occasionally when necessary. You hoped to glean some information of what will happen in the game but most, if not all, of the memos quickly degrade into useless bickering. You notice that your future self chimes in occasionally, berating everyone else for their lack of organization. While the sight of words from your future self gives you some hope that you will survive, your eyes are inevitably drawn to the times he is posting from. Always ??? hours in the future. It seems you will be neck deep in surprise noodle soup for quite some time.

> Enough with the memos, deal with more pressing issues

You decide it's time you stopped informing yourself about the future and started living it. You begin by getting in touch with your server and client players. Better to have the foundations of the game set and organized before you start playing than resort to a mad scramble in an attempt to narrowly avoid death by meteor.

> Troll your server player

You proceed to have this (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1112662&postcount=50) conversation with Vintag. Evidently it didn't go as well as you hoped. Oh well, maybe you will have better luck with Scalis.

> Troll your client player

--eloquentOrchestrator [EO] began trolling pandorasArchivist [PA]--
EO: Hey sCaliS
EO: I gueSs im Your ServEr plAyer For sGrub
EO: We shOuld ProbAbly StarT orgAnizIng oUr efFortS to gEt yoU in tHe gaMe
EO: PrefErabLy to AvoiD any Mad sCramBles
EO: ScalIs?
EO: You bEtteR not Be loSt in Your Damn LibrAry aGain
EO: How mAny tImes Do i nEed tO offEr to Help OrgaNize It prOperLy beFore You lIsten?

> Be another troll while waiting for a response

Aldurin

03-14-2011, 08:21 PM

You are now Aldurin's Clusterhusk.

>I said another troll . . .

You are currently hacking observatories and radar emplacements across Alternia, while simultaneously processing the information.

>Can't you just be Aldurin?

You complete a data analysis of impact sites for all known trolls to be connected within the administrator's session of the program "Sgrub". Conflict detected between impact times and entry order with estimated rate of entry, recalculating new configuration.

>What is this I don't even-

Recalculation complete, maintain sequence for first four variables of each grouping, make the last four variables of each into their own groupings.

>Please say that again but more normally

Receiving Trollian commands, opening memo.

technopathicalAnomaly [TA] opened memo URGENT CHANGE OF PLANS right now
TA: bAd nEws And bAd nEws
TA: fIrst bAd nEws, thE mEtEOrs wOn't ImpAct tO fIt OUr OrIgInAl sEqUEncE
TA: sEcOnd bAd nEws, wE'rE cUttIng OUr tEAms In hAlf tO AccOmmOdAtE
TA: glIssA And rEztEk ArE nOw prOmOtEd tO lEAdIng thE EntrY fOr thE sEcOnd hAlvEs Of thEIr rEspEctIvE tEAMs
TA: wIth AnY lUck thIs shOUld fIt thE mEtEOrlOgIcAl schEdUle And lEt All Of Us gO In AlIvE
TA: AlsO If yOU'rE rEAdIng thIs frOm thE fUtUrE gO tEll yOUr dAmn pAst sElvEs thAt thIs Is whAt's hAppEnIng> I've had it, be an actual troll this time.

Loyal

03-15-2011, 05:35 PM

> Be an actual troll this time.

You are now an actual troll. You are being that troll so hard you don't know you can take it.

> What.

Remember Burgun?

> Oh, right. What was she doing again?

You were busy being a more composed troll while you were wracked with worry over your matesprit, Neethe, and guilt over allowing so many trolls to be doomed.

But now you think you wanna try being that more composed troll yourself. You've still got to finish getting Leraje into the medium, after all.

You stand up and turn to the computer to find that he's already contacted you. Game-face time.

absentPsychologist [AP] started trolling brutalTrifecta
AP: Burgun. Are you ready, to play?
BT: HEEELLO, leeerajeee. i'veee takeeen careee of EEEVEEERYTHING i can.
BT: what do i do AFTEEER i'veee installeeed sgrub?
AP: Activate it. And connect to me. Then we can get, on our. Way.
BT: okay, i just eeenteeer your USEEERNAMEEE in this fieeeld, right?
BT: doneee.
BT: okay, i SEEE you i think!!!

He is indeed there, and as he looks around he waves awkwardly in another direction. You assume he's trying to wave at you, but the connection that lets you see him seems to be unidirectional. He's got kinda funny-looking eyes, but he doesn't look like nearly as big a jerk as most purple-bloods you've met. Maybe they're nicer when they're young?

> We've been through this already. Skip the chatty bits please.

Leraje walks you through the process of being a SGrub server. The interface takes a bit of time to get used to, but being able to move stuff around someone else's hive is awesome, and it looks like you can build entirely new extensions if you can get ahold of more of this "grist" stuff. As you begin placing the various game constructs in his hive you make a mental note of which locations in your own home would be most ideal for placement.

> Recuperacoon. Cruxtruder. Make it happen.

You make it happen with gusto, while wondering what you have that you could bash against your own Cruxtruder when the time comes. You haven't been able to get ahold of a new recuperacoon since Sylvia broke the last one a sweep ago, and regardless, you're not entirely sure you'd be willing to put up with the horrendous cleanup yet again. You guess your thermal hull would work, but you like having something to eat. Perhaps your server player could take one of the counter-tops?

The glowy thing merges with Leraje's shipping wall (seriously, you need to sit down and have a talk with this kid at some point) to produce a glowy floating television that seems to be ... agitated? Is that an adjective you can use for spectral appliances? In the bright glow the kernelsprite gives off, you notice some numbers on the side of the cruxtruder.

And they're ticking down.

> Looks important. Has the boy noticed?

You call attention to this, but before you can get a reply, a massive impact rocks your hivestem! You curse loudly as your refridgerator tips over and messily ejects its various contents, and again as your husktop's internet connection cuts out from sudden interference, leaving Leraje on his own for now.

Have I run out of time already?

As the rumbling continues, parts of your hive, fragile from disuse and a lack of maintainance, begin to crumble. Without even thinking, you pull your husktop away and dive for cover beneath the now horizontally-aligned fridge door. It's a terrible mess, but infinitely preferable to taking your chances with your hive falling apart around you. After several minutes, the rumbling stops, and you cautiously make your way out to survey the damage. While the basic shape of your hive remains mostly intact (Thank goodness for overengineered foundations), chunks of the floor and ceiling are missing, and without some serious repairs there's no telling when the whole thing could go. On the plus side, you're at ground level, which may have been a contributing factor to why you're still alive at all.

In hindsight, you really should have seen about tying Sylvia up when the maintainance drones came by to visit, instead of letting her chase them off. Could probably have prevented a fair bit more damage, you muse silently, as you look at the collapsed door frame of a side room near your balcony. You'd wager a guess that the entire room is flattened. Thankfully all that was in there was some bedding for you and Sylvia.

But wait. Where was Sylvia last, and where is she now?

> Oh, no.

Oh, [b]no. SYLVIA!!

You start digging frantically through the debris, using your psychic powers to aid the process by breaking them apart. With each chunk, your motions grow increasingly frantic, and you bite back tears as you become more and more certain of what you'll find.

A couple minutes later, a furry, mangled foot appears. It seems she at least tried to escape but... wasn't fast enough. You curse again, loud enough this time that any surviving trolls in the area could surely hear you. Though the tears now stream freely down your face, you don't allow yourself to sob. You're stronger than that. She made you stronger than that.

> Sorry for your loss. What will you do?

You don't have time to give her a proper burial right now, and you don't have a clue where you'd put her anyway. But the least you can do is get all this debris off her body.

> Take your time.

Fifteen minutes after the initial impact, your clothes are filthy, you're covered in dust, and you're perfectly miserable, but the job's done. Sylvia's a mess of bloody flesh, matted fur, and broken bones, and there's obviously nothing you can do for her, but at least she'll keep till you can find a good place to pay your last respects. You knew she'd be leaving you before long, but you always figured she was too tough for anything but age to do her in.

Deciding you need a bit of fresh air, you head out onto your dust-covered balcony. Looking up, it looks like the meteor that hit struck one of the other apartments head on, and caused most of the rest of the hivestem to collapse on itself. Only about a fourth of the hivestem remains intact, and that's using the word loosely.

You head back downstairs and set your husktop back on the counter. You'd prefer not to conduct the rest of your business with Leraje within eyeshot of Sylvia's body, but you need to finish it nonetheless. Thankfully, the interference impeding your connection has passed, and better yet, absentPsychologist remains online.

> Finish up.

You get in touch with him, and quietly finish up his client preparations while learning a sample about what you would later come to call "alchemization." In this particular case, a strange-looking recuperacoon is created, already filled with slime. Before you can ask the significance of it, he strips down (has he forgotten there's a lady watching him??) hops in, and nods off. You have no idea why he'd be sleeping at a time like this, but you trust his knowledge of the game just enough to believe he knows what he's doing.

> Now would probably be a good time to get in contact with the shark-girl.

Yeah. Piron. You minimize Leraje's SGrub window and bring up Piron's username on Trollian.

brutalTrifecta [BT] started trolling StalkerSahagin [SS].
BT: heeey, piron.
BT: i'veee doneee all i can for leeerajeee.
BT: areee you reeeady?

> Be another troll.

Flarecobra

03-16-2011, 08:36 PM

> Be another Troll

You're now Piron. You're currentally installing the server software, though it's taking a bit of time due to your slower machine. Sitting next to it was a small round rock you found just outside, which you have the feeling is a meteorite from what you have read in the memos.

> Take Meteorite.

You store it for later opening. There have been a couple times from the past that you've found some odd rocks, that have had crystals lining the inside of them, so you've started hanging on to them.

> Check husktop. Is it done yet?

The husktop is working as fast as it can! It's an old device, several sweeps old.

However, a couple minutes pass by just like that, and it's now fully installed. Checking Trollian, you see Burgun has messaged you.

> Answer.

brutalTrifecta [BT] began trolling StalkerSahagin [SS]
BT: heeey, piron.
BT: i'veee doneee all i can for leeerajeee.
BT: areee you reeeady?
SS: Yes.
BT: okay, hurry up and CONNEEECT pleeeaseee.
BT: as you can probably seee, it's PREEETTY URGEEENT that weee not wasteee timeee heeereee. :-(
SS: Remember, my connection is slow.
SS: There may be lag.
SS: I will hasten what I can.
BT: okay, that'll work.

>Connect!

You proceed to connect to Burgun, and soon see the wreak of her hive. She looks a bit older then you expected, but that's moot right now. You look over what you have to work with, lightly sliding your lower lip between your two sets of upper teeth as you think.

BT: leeet's start simpleee: can you useee theee REEEVISEEE tool to reeepair someee of my hiveee?
SS: I can make a shelter.
SS: That way you won't be crushed.
SS: At least until I learn these controls.
BT: thanks. it'll do for theee momeeent.

You spot an open spot, and using the Revise tool, repairing the floor a bit, and using some of the larger chunks, start to make them into a little shelter that Burgun can get into. You start to set them up in the repared area, setting up three walls. Lifting up a chunk to make a roof, you spy the remains of a lusus.

SS: Your Lusus?
BT: ...yeeeah. :-(
BT: sheee just dieeed. i WANTEEED to bury heeer, but i don't haveee theee TIMEEE just yeeet.
BT: gotta geeet doneee with my part of the CHAIN beeeforeee the neeext meeeteeeor hits MEEE.

On the screen, you wait to see if the temporary shelter is of the right size before you start to clear out the debris so you can start getting started setting up the tools needed to continue. You're wanting to keep everything in the same room, so as to waste as little time running about.

SS: Ok, try that.
BT: thanks.
BT: just put theee MACHINEEES wheeereeeveeer you think theeereee's someee STABLEEE ground.
BT: theee BALCONY is mostly intact i think.
SS: I want to keep everything togeather.
SS: Waste as little time as possable.
SS: I think I can clear out some of this...

You then start to move some of the debris off to the side, and using the same trick you used before, repairing the floor underneath. You manage to set up the totem lathe and the cruxtruder down, but then see that there's little room left. Zooming out a bit, you spy the balcony which seemed to be intact. You set it up out there, then zoom back in to see it shake slightly. You beleve to be running short on time.

BT: wheeen you'veee put down theee CRUXTRUDEER, you'll neeed to hit the top with something HEEEAVY.
BT: can you seee if any of the DEEEBRIS will work?
SS: Maybe.

> Hit it!

You pick up a heavy-looking piece of debris and drop it on the cruxtruder. It just shattered. Apperentally it was mostly hollow inside. You give a slight growl of annoynce at that, then grab something a bit more solid and drop it on that. With the impact, it released the sprite, which makes you jump a bit in surprise. Quickly glancing at the guide, you let Burgun know where to go for the Alchemiter.

SS: The alcamizer is outside on your balcony.
SS: I'll see about catching debris.
BT: okay, wheeen i weeent through this PROCEEESS with leeerajeee, i had to stick someeething inside that glowy SPHEEEREEE.
BT: you haveee any IDEEEAS what weee should useee?
SS: A memo suggested our lucii...
BT: what?
SS: The lusus.
SS: Something about bringing them back.
BT: ......
BT: areee you saying i can bring sylvia back?
SS: Maybe.
SS: Only one way to find out.
BT: yeees, pleeeaseee do.
SS: Ok.
SS: While I'm doing that... here.
SS: Have to use this.
BT: right. i reeemeeembeeer what leeerajeee did with this.

>Make her wear punch card like a hat.

You just set it in front of her. You have more important things to handle. Namely getting the lusus corpse into the sprite. Picking it up carefully so as not to damage it, you prepare to drop it in while Burgun handles the Alchemy.

> Check out someone who isn't a Derp.

Arcanum

03-19-2011, 03:09 PM

> Check out someone who isn't a Derp.

You are now checking out Reztek, who is doing some hardcore waiting. The amount of time that is flying by is unreal with the sheer patience that he is dishing out left and right. Yeah this is some grade A patience served up thinly sliced on a solid gold platter.

> What the hell are you talking about?

Translation: He's still waiting on a reply from Scalis, but it doesn't look like he's going to get one any time soon.

> How much time has passed?

About twenty minutes. He was so busy trying to be patient he failed miserably.

> Just be Reztek already

You are now Reztek, you are currently EXTREMELY BORED. You're tempted to go check on your hive, but you can still hear some debris settling. It might be better to wait until you have a server player before venturing upstairs.

> Do things you've already done before

You decide to browse through some more memos. There are two boards that you haven't checked yet. There's the one Gormma made called APOCALYPSHE NOW-ISH, and another unnamed board that Aldurin made. Which one will you read?

> Read APOCALYPSHE NOW-ISH

You open up Aldurin's unnamed board.

> Do you even pay attention to these commands?

Not in the slightest!

> Just show the pesterlog and respond to the memo

CURRENT technopathicalAnomaly [TA] RIGHT NOW opened memo URGENT CHANGE OF PLANS on board
CTA: bAd nEws And bAd nEws
CTA: fIrst bAd nEws, thE mEtEOrs wOn't ImpAct tO fIt OUr OrIgInAl sEqUEncE
CTA: sEcOnd bAd nEws, wE'rE cUttIng OUr tEAms In hAlf tO AccOmmOdAtE
CTA: glIssA And rEztEk ArE nOw prOmOtEd tO lEAdIng thE EntrY fOr thE sEcOnd hAlvEs Of thEIr rEspEctIvE tEAMs
CTA: wIth AnY lUck thIs shOUld fIt thE mEtEOrlOgIcAl schEdUle And lEt All Of Us gO In AlIvE
CTA: AlsO If yOU'rE rEAdIng thIs frOm thE fUtUrE gO tEll yOUr dAmn pAst sElvEs thAt thIs Is whAt's hAppEnIng
FUTURE eloquentOrchestrator [EO] ??? HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo
FEO: Shit I musT havE misSed tHis mEmo dUrinG my rCent Memo BingE
FEO: ThesE cloCks aLwayS shoW surPrisE nooDles For mE but Its oNly bEen lIke tWentY minUtes SincE theN
CTA: dAmmIt, wEll At lEAst yOU knOw EvEntUAllY
CTA: glIssA, ArE yOU rEAdIng thIs
FUTURE bathorysIllustrator [FBI] 15 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo
FBI: I guesse it won't be too long a gap until I reade it
FBI: Yeah I get it though. I still have time to enter. I won't bother paste me though.
CTA: gOOd, nOw thOsE OthErs thAt mAy sEE thIs jUst nEEd tO fOllOw thE plAn
technopathicalAnomaly [TA] closed memo CHANGE OF PLANS

========>

You realize in hindsight that they have no frame of reference for when you finished your memo binge. For all they know you're hours into the future. On the plus side this gives you something to do for the next little while. Planning must be done if your team is to win this competition. Sure survival is important too, but just like in your FLARP days winning is the true objective.

Although first your team will need a place to communicate, to stay organized. That should be simple enough.

========>

CURRENT eloquentOrchestrator [EO] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board RHYTHM & BUTCHERY
EO: HopeFullY you Are aLl awAre tHat tHereS beeN a chAnge In plAns bY now, And tHat wE are Now oUr owN teaM
EO: And oF couRse bY "we" i Mean VintAg, naSryl, AlduRin aNd of CourSe mySelf
EO: If yoU are Not pArt oF teaM r&b Then You wIll bE banNed oN sigHt
EO: FirsT ordEr of BusiNess, We neEd to StarT plaYing The dAmn gAme aLreaDy
EO: VintAg, im SorrY aboUt yoUr luSus bUt thE gamE can Help BrinG him Back, And tHe soOner You cOnneCt to Me thE sooNer nAsryL can Help You
EO: BasiCallY eveRyonE get In toUch wIth yOur pArtnErs aS quiCkly As poSsibLe (in The pReseNt plEase)
EO: I wanT thiS chaIn to Be as OrgaNizeD and As faSt as PossIble
EO: We arE in tHis nOt onLy to SurvIve, bUt to Win!

========>

Well that takes care of a meeting place. Too bad nobody knows about it. But that's nothing a few quick linear and direct messages can't handle.

> Troll Aldurin

-- eloquentOrchestrator [EO] began trolling technopathicalAnomaly [EO] --
EO: Hey aLdurIn i sAw yoUr meMo
EO: I madE a neW memO so wE can Stay OrgaNizeD
EO: ClicK the ShitTy drAwinG
http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j122/arcanum_DF/RB.png

> Troll Vintag

-- eloquentOrchestrator [EO] began trolling burlesqueBalderdash [BB] --
EO: VintAg im SorrY aboUt yoUr luSus bUt thE gamE can Help
EO: The tEams Have ChanGed a Bit sO heaD oveR to tHe neW memO
EO: ClicK the ShitTy drAwinG
http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j122/arcanum_DF/RB.png

> Troll Nasryl

-- eloquentOrchestrator [EO] began trolling hazardousPractitioner [HP] --
EO: NasrYl thE teaMs haVe chAngeD sliGhtlY
EO: ClicK the ShitTy drAwinG and ChecK the New mEmo
http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j122/arcanum_DF/RB.png

========>

That takes care of that. You doubt any other team is as organized as you are. Now you just hope your own team can keep up with the preparations you made. Nothing to do but wait... again. Sweet jegus is there ever a lot of waiting.

> Be a troll who isn't stuck waiting.

Bard The 5th LW

03-20-2011, 12:48 PM

> Be a troll who isn't stuck waiting.

The perspective suddenly alters to Glissa who is waiting outside of her hive for a message from Caoway.

>Flashback

You are now Glissa minutes in the past looking to give your friends an update on the situation. You are on the steps of your hive not far from your custodian's CORPSE. You flip through TROLLIAN and find a memo by the name APOCALYPSE NOW-ISH. You post you're piece and get a response.

CURRENT bathorysIllustrator [BI] RIGHT NOW has responded to memo
CBI: my respiteblocke just exploded and everythings covered in blood now
CBI: i dont wante to do anything but lay downe when will the meteors try to kill me
FMC: Oh carp.
FMC: I mean, crap.
FMC: Look G\liS\S\a, I know you're feelinG\ really ba/) at the moment but if you /juS\t wait two S\econ/)S\ paS\t me will S\tart trollinG\ you.
FMC: Then the both of you can have one of the moS\t poiG\nant an/) heartfelt feelinG\S\-/jamS\ in the hiS\tory of para/)ox S\pace.
CSS: Good thing I'm in the sea.
CBI: Why shoulde I even
CBI: whate
CBI: fine, i'll be waitinge

Skip to now and you are once again waiting for Caoway.

>Fuck this, start this feelings jam.

Yeah why should you wait for him anymore! He kept you waiting for a sweep already.

--bathorysIllustrator [BI] has begun trolling melancholicChumly [MC] --

BI: So
BI: Hello. You tolde me you were goinge to tell yourselfe about this conversation.
BI" You have beene takinge your time on starting this.
MC: I
MC: What?
MC: Oh, I G\et it. "Future me".
MC: I now have a powerful urG\e to break a clock.
BI: There was supposede to be something about feelingse.
BI: Lets try to make it quicke.
MC: Look, your moS\t AuG\uS\t an/) ES\teeme/) Fancy FinS\, I know that you're uS\e/) to G\ettinG\ whatever you want whenever you want it, but I am not fuckinG\ pS\ychic S\o I have know i/)ea what kin/) of feelinG\S\ S\houl/) be /)iS\cuS\S\e/) here or even why we S\houl/) /)iS\cuS\S\ them.
MC: An/) what'S\ your hurry anyway?
MC: Your S\eS\S\ion iS\n't /)ue to S\tart until after Piron'S\.
BI: really
BI: So did future you juste put you up to this?
BI: Say we were goinge to have a meaningful talke just so you can tell me "fuck off"?
BI: Well i don't have to put up withe it. So right back at you. I have to see if anything is left in my respiteblocke, like clothes not covered in blood. Go choke on a cuttlefish.
MC: Hey! For your information, your hiGh\neS\S\, I /)on't have any converS\ationS\ with myS\elf for the next
MC: Wait, /)i/) you S\ay bloo/)?
MC: AS\ in, not culle/) wriG\G\ler bloo/) proceS\S\e/) an/) ma/)e into paint but /juS\t plain bloo/)?
BI: Yes jackass.
BI: The facte that something's deade make you care all of a sudden? What a shocke.
MC: ...
MC: IS\ the S\omethinG\ that'S\ /)ea/) BiroS\te?
MC: G\liS\S\a?
MC: Are you S\till there?
BI: Yes. to bothe
BI: I read the olde memos. A lot of theme are deade. I'm not going to lose my composure now though.
BI: Thate all you wanted to hear?
MC: Uh, well...
MC: Are you S\ure you're all riG\ht?
BI:Yes.
BI: Im pretty sure of it.
BI: Im feeling numbe right now. I just want to lie downe
MC: If you nee/) a quick reS\pite then by all meanS\.
MC: But maybe you S\houl/) wait until after you S\erver for Piron an/) you know, enter the G\ame yourS\elf.
MC: You /)on't want to fall aS\leep an/) be obliterate/) by meteorS\ now /)o you?
BI: Uggggggg fuckinge meteors!
BI: Why did I evene show Derpah the gogdamn temple. I shoulde have known he was an idiot. I let him keepe the disks and everythinge!
MC: It'S\ not your fault.
MC: You coul/)n't have known that the /)iS\kS\ woul/) brinG\ about the en/) of the worl/).
MC: Hell, /)erpah ma/)e the G\ame an/) he /)i/)n't even believe it woul/) really work.
BI: Its the plaine damne principal of the matter.
BI: It was my fuckinge temple. Why give some low bloode the damn artifact?
BI: Darn-it nowe I'm even talkinge like one.
MC: I can't tell if you're tryinG\ to G\et a riS\e out of me or if you are honeS\tly that naive.
MC: I'll /juS\t G\ive you the benefit of the /)oubt, S\ince
MC: Um.
BI: Juste speake up.
BI: Or are you goinge to go all troll Michael Cera on me?
BI: If that is the case I am sure I have plenty of failede suitors whom you can get your ass kickede by.
MC: I'll let that G\o too.
MC: If only becauSe you're upS\et at the moment an/) I can relate to that.
BI: Why am I even doinge this.
BI: Whatever, Im too far embroiled in this.
BI: I'm going to lay my metaphorical cards on the table: I'm angry. At myself, at Derpah, at Varola, even you and several inanimate objectse.
BI: I juste want to rush into my hive and breake something i don't even know whate
MC: If it waS\ anyone elS\e, I woul/) completely back up ventinG\ their fruS\tration by breakinG\ the junk layinG\ aroun/) in their hive.
MC: But I've hear/) about the artifactS\ you keep an/) I think breakinG\ any one of them woul/) probably be a cataS\trophic miS\take of /)erpian proportionS\.
MC: S\o pleaS\e, let'S\ /juS\t keep talkinG\.
MC: Why are you ma/) at NaS\ryl anyway? What /)i/) he /)o?

MC: I take it you /)i/)n't hear what /)erpah uS\e/) that /)eath ray you gave him for.
MC: How IS\ a muS\ical inS\trument /)anG\erouS\?
BI: deathe ray
BI: But
BI: It was perfectly functional telescope
BI: uhh I don't know. I played it and I don't remember what happened. My ears are ringing though
MC: No, it waS\ a /)eath ray with a fuctional tarG\etinG\ S\cope.
MC: Are you tellinG\ me that you really ha/) no i/)ea that practically every piece in your muS\eum iS\ an ancient weapon of maS\S\ /)eS\truction?
BI: I had my suspicionse about the shotgun.
BI: Whate do you mean every item? Nothing's happenede until now? Woule every of my visitors have recognizede them?
MC: Well, not everyone.
MC: /juS\t /)erpah that I know of, S\ince he haS\ a throbbinG\ bone bulG\e for thoS\e S\ortS\ of thinG\S\.
MC: I G\ueS\S\ If I ha/) pai/) a viS\it to your hive an/) ha/) never talke/) to /)erpah before, I probably woul/)n't have recoG\nize/) them for what they are.
MC: But we're G\ettinG\ off topic.
MC: You wante/) to talk about your feelinG\S\ riG\ht?
BI: Oh yeahe. Anger.
BI: I callede Nasryl. I asked him what to do, but all his suggestionse wouldn't work. Then he juste ran from the conversatione.
BI: If I knowe him at all, he's probably cryinge about it righte now.
MC: Yeah, probably becauS\e he feelS\ horrible that he coul/)n't /)o anythinG\ to help.
MC: What exactly /)i/) you expect him to /)o, G\liS\S\a?
MC: He'S\ half a worl/) away an/) tryinG\ to talk a moS\t likely hyS\terical ki/) throuG\h
MC: I /)on't even know what.
MC: If it'S\ all riG\ht, can I aS\k what happene/) with BiroS\te?
BI: One of his finse is missing. I couldn'te do anthinge, if I touchede him I'd just cut my hande apart.
MC: That'S\ terrible.
MC: But if you coul/)n't touch him, there waS\n't much NaS\ryl coul/)'ve /)one for you.
MC: It'S\ no oneS\ fault that BiroS\te /)ie/).
BI: I knowe. It doesn'te make me any lesse angry about it though.
BI: I thought I knew whate the thingse in my hive were though. But nope, I was just wronge.
MC: Yeah, I've been fin/)inG\ that a whole lot of thinG\S\ that I thouG\ht are wronG\ aS\ well.
BI: So
BI: Whate is Derpah's doome game like?
BI: Since I have no choice but to play ite.
MC: For S\tarterS\, it putS\ another perS\on in a poS\ition to completely fuck with your S\tuff.
MC: Then you have to fiG\ure out S\ome S\illy puzzle with all the equipment.
MC: Which lea/)S\ into another teS\t which you have to paS\S\ before a /)amne/) S\pace rock S\maS\heS\ into you.
MC: You're then tranS\porte/) to another /)imenSion calle/) the me/)ium, locate/) inS\i/)e the inciphiS\phere.
MC: The me/)ium iS\ fille/) with a bunch of G\ritty baS\tar/)S\ who will meS\S\ with anythinG\ that your S\erver player haS\n't alrea/)y broken.
BI: glub
BI: Zebrek is my server.
BI: Oh Gog I almost forgot about Zebrek. He says he wantse to kill Scalis, and Scalis isn't respondinge to me!
MC: ZEBREK wantS\ to kill S\caliS\?
BI: Somethinge about Scalis killinge Twinkleberry I don't knowe.
BI: I knowe Scalis was shaken since the 'incident' but I didn't think he'd do this.
BI: There bothe my friends sort of. I don't want them to kille eachother!
MC: Crappie, I'll have to talk to both of them when I G\et a chance then.
MC: Um, I've been out of the loop for a while.
MC: What inci/)ent are you talkinG\ about?
MC: On S\econ/) thouG\ht, forG\et it. I /)on't want to know.
BI: You really don't.
BI: If somethinge like that happened to me, Im not sure how I would acte.
BI: I'm going to go talke to Zebrek
BI: Thanke you I guess
MC: You're welcome?
MC: Oh, it'S\ probably worth mentioninG\ that the G\ame can alS\o revive your luS\uS\.
BI: whate
BI: Why
BI: The
BI: I juste opened up my feelingse to you, and NOW you say he isn't deade for good!
MC: Well, you /)i/) S\ay that you wante/) to talk about feelinG\S\ an/) all that.
BI: Well I
BI: But
BI: Bluh!

-- bathorysIllustrator [BI] has ceased trolling melancholicChumly [MC] --

It has left you with many a mixed emotion. As you sit there soaking up the plethora of emotions, he contacts you again.

-- bathorysIllustrator [BI] has ceased trolling melancholicChumly [MC] --

-- melancholicChumly [MC] started trolling batorysIllustrator [BI] --
MC: Hey, bluhinG\ and boltinG\ iS\n't very proper behaviour.
BI: Fine. I'll glub and bolt!
BI: By the way, don't think I've forgotten the crustaceon apology dance.
MC: Oh.
MC: About that.
BI: People have been cullede for failure I'll have you know.
MC: Yeah, I know.
MC: US\e/) to know thiS\ one annoyinG\ fuck who waS\ obS\eS\S\e/) with /)ancinG\.
MC: He'S\ /)ea/) now.
MC: But I wante/) to S\ay S\omethinG\ elS\e.
MC: When I apoloG\ize/) earlier, well it waS\ leS\S\ than S\incere.
MC: I /)i/)n't really think that you were worrie/) about me an/) were tryinG\ to G\uilt me about it.
MC: But that's a stupid thing to think and I'm the scum of Alternia for ever believing that.
MC: Believing that you're responsible for the death of someone you care about is a terrible feeling and
MC: From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry for putting you through that.
MC: I owe you one hell of a dance.
MC: G\warG\, I hate typinG\ like that.
BI: There we go.
BI: Thank you.
BI: For reale this time.
MC: Your very much welcome, FroS\ty FinS\.
MC: Oh, one more thinG\.
MC: G\lub.

-- melancholicChumly [MC] ceased trolling bathorysIllustrator [BI] --

<>? <3? <3<? c3<?

>Stop pondering your emotions and be productive.

You look around and see that Aldurin opened a memo sort of a while ago. You responde to it, and you manage to keep your cool in this discussion.

CURRENT technopathicalAnomaly [TA] RIGHT NOW opened memo URGENT CHANGE OF PLANS on board
CTA: bAd nEws And bAd nEws
CTA: fIrst bAd nEws, thE mEtEOrs wOn't ImpAct tO fIt OUr OrIgInAl sEqUEncE
CTA: sEcOnd bAd nEws, wE'rE cUttIng OUr tEAms In hAlf tO AccOmmOdAtE
CTA: glIssA And rEztEk ArE nOw prOmOtEd tO lEAdIng thE EntrY fOr thE sEcOnd hAlvEs Of thEIr rEspEctIvE tEAMs
CTA: wIth AnY lUck thIs shOUld fIt thE mEtEOrlOgIcAl schEdUle And lEt All Of Us gO In AlIvE
CTA: AlsO If yOU'rE rEAdIng thIs frOm thE fUtUrE gO tEll yOUr dAmn pAst sElvEs thAt thIs Is whAt's hAppEnIng
FUTURE eloquentOrchestrator [EO] ??? HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo
FEO: Shit I musT havE misSed tHis mEmo dUrinG my rCent Memo BingE
FEO: ThesE cloCks aLwayS shoW surPrisE nooDles For mE but Its oNly bEen lIke tWentY minUtes SincE theN
CTA: dAmmIt, wEll At lEAst yOU knOw EvEntUAllY
CTA: glIssA, ArE yOU rEAdIng thIs
FUTURE bathorysIllustrator [FBI] 15 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo
FBI: I guesse it won't be too long a gap until I reade it
FBI: Yeah I get it though. I still have time to enter. I won't bother paste me though.
CTA: gOOd, nOw thOsE OthErs thAt mAy sEE thIs jUst nEEd tO fOllOw thE plAn
technopathicalAnomaly [TA] closed memo CHANGE OF PLANS

Finally! You get to be the star! Time to form your own great team!

Now lets see. Caoway already leads his own team, you hate Leraje, Piron is going to be your client, so she's on there team, you haven't heard anything from Iropha or Ballaa, Nasryl is likely afraid to respond, and you sort of give up at this point.

You come to the unfortunate conclusion that you're crack team consists of Gorrma, Zebrek, and Sharl. The chef, the Zebrek, and the merchant. Fuck. They'll have to suffice though... for now.

-- bathorysIllustrator [BI] has begun pestering [deepskyblue]spectacularHellion [SH] --

BI: Well hello Zebrek
BI: Goode news.
BI: For you at leaste
BI: The game is goinge to be sped up. So we will connect soon. Here's our memo. Follow the linke.
BI:http://oi51.tinypic.com/33p6l21.jpg
BI: Also, can we talk aboute Scalis later? Once we have bothe entered?

-- bathorysIllustrator [BI] has begun pestering omnipotentOmnivore [OO] --

BI: Greetingse Gorrma.
BI: I am sorry to hear of your losse. I believe we all are.
BI: However, there is apparently a change in plans. We are splitting into four groups of four temporarily. Once I am in, I trust you can helpe Zebrek in. After that Sharl may helpe you.
BI: Here is the link to our memo
BI: Be ready.
BI: http://oi51.tinypic.com/33p6l21.jpg

-- bathorysIllustrator [BI] has begun pestering butketHed [BH] --

BI: You're trollhandle physically hurte to type just now.
BI: I'm running oute of optionse though.
BI: So congrats, you were chosen laste in this game of Alternian Doom Dodgeball.
BI: Here is our memo, be ready to link up with Gorrma once she gets Zebrek in. Then I thinke you loop back arounde to Caoway.
BI: http://oi51.tinypic.com/33p6l21.jpg

>Glissa: Open Memo

CURRENT bathorysIllustrator [CBI] has opened a memo on board WHEN NO ONE EXPECTS IT

CBI: The apocalypse is now people. The ende is nigh.
CBI: I volunteer myself to go first.
CBI: In moments, me and Zebrek will connect and I'll hopefully enter this "medium" thing the otherse describe.
CBI: Reportedly, we can also revive our lussi.
CBI: Gorrma, Sharl, get your affairs in order and prepare to move out as welle.

Bard The 5th LW

03-23-2011, 08:27 PM

>Nasryl: Respond

You are busy crying over the death of two other people's lussi when it appears you have been greeted by a message from Reztek.

http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j122/arcanum_DF/RB.png

This appeals to your interests

CURRENT eloquentOrchestrator [EO] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board RHYTHM & BUTCHERY
EO: HopeFullY you Are aLl awAre tHat tHereS beeN a chAnge In plAns bY now, And tHat wE are Now oUr owN teaM
EO: And oF couRse bY "we" i Mean VintAg, naSryl, AlduRin aNd of CourSe mySelf
EO: If yoU are Not pArt oF teaM r&b Then You wIll bE banNed oN sigHt
EO: FirsT ordEr of BusiNess, We neEd to StarT plaYing The dAmn gAme aLreaDy
EO: VintAg, im SorrY aboUt yoUr luSus bUt thE gamE can Help BrinG him Back, And tHe soOner You cOnneCt to Me thE sooNer nAsryL can Help You
EO: BasiCallY eveRyonE get In toUch wIth yOur pArtnErs aS quiCkly As poSsibLe (in The pReseNt plEase)
EO: I wanT thiS chaIn to Be as OrgaNizeD and As faSt as PossIble
EO: We arE in tHis nOt onLy to SurvIve, bUt to Win!
technopathicalAnomaly [TA] responded to memo RIGHT NOW
TA: plEAsE dOn't dIssAppOInt mE As bAdlY As thE OthErs hAvE
TA: nOw Is nOt thE tImE fOr mE tO lOsE fAIth In All Of yOU
TA: I mEAn hAvE yOU hEArd AbOUt EvErYthIng thAt's gOnE wrOng?
TA: thE fAn hAs brOkEn frOm All Of thE shIt thAt hAs hIt It
TA: bUt bAck tO bUsInEss, jUst trY tO AdvAncE thIs As qUIcklY As pOssIblE
TA: I rEAllY dOn't wAnt tO tEst If I hAvE thE cApAbIlItIEs tO shOOt dOwn mY mEtEOr bEfOrE It hIts
burlesqueBalderdash [BB] responded to memo RIGHT NOW
BB: O>o rez can vicki really be brought back STOP
BB: O>o please tell me that isnt some cruel joke those are my least favorite kind STOP
BB: O>o oh STOP
BB: O>o sorry for the delay STOP
BB: O>o ive been... uh... STOP
BB: O>o yeah ill just do that connecting thing at you now STOP
EO: Yes oUr luSii cAn be BrouGht bAck tO lifE
EO: Sort Of
EO: Im noT to cLear On thE detAils But tHe otHer mEmos Seem To be ConfIrmiNg whAt my SourCe toLd me
EO: Just Make Sure You pRotoType Your LusuS witH the KernEl
EO: Well I gueSs yoU wilL see Me do It soOn so We wiLl fiNd ouT
EO: The gAme iS almOst dOne iNstaLlinG on tHis sHittY old GrubTop sO i wiLl trOll yOu whEn itS donE
CURRENT hazardousPractitioner [CHP] has responded to memo RIGHT NOW
CHP: There's still hXpe then!
CHP: FXr Cathara and Vikki and Glissa's lusus!
CHP: This is incredible!
CHP: Vintag, I'm sX sXrry for just leaving yXu in that last lXg.
CHP: Uhh.
CHP: I guess I dXn't have much else tX add. The clip art appeals tX me I suppXse.
TA: gOOd tO knOw yOU'rE bAck wIth Us, nAsrYl

You are so ecstatic about the apparent Sgrub MiRaClE that you don't even respond. You throw your arms up in the air and rush off back to your MORGUE. You have to make Cathara presentable for revival.

You definitely don't have some sort of problem or anything.

>Glissa: examine memo

It seems you have caught your teams attention. Good. THe sooner you connect the sooner BIROST can be revived and you can move away from the blood pool. You WOULD go inside... but what Caoways said sort of frightens you. You aren't sure if you want to enter there, especially with Zebrek steering the wheel.

CURRENT bathorysIllustrator [CBI] has opened a memo on board WHEN NO ONE EXPECTSE IT

CBI: The apocalypse is now people. The ende is nigh.
CBI: I volunteer myself to go first.
CBI: In moments, me and Zebrek will connect and I'll hopefully enter this "medium" thing the otherse describe.
CBI: Reportedly, we can also revive our lusii.
CBI: Gorrma, Sharl, get your affairs in order and prepare to move out as welle.
FUTURE spectacularHellion []FSH] 0:37 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FSH: wait
FSH: i can bring twinkleberry back?
FSH: but but but
FSH: twinkleberrys outside and im caved in!
FSH: how do i get to him?
CURRENT butketHed RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CBH: >_< I was going to help Gormma, even if I didn't get that distastefully phrased memo.
CBH: :raise: although, this sudden haste... has something changed that I'm not aware of? :confused:
CBH: :crossarms: I was under the impression that there was more trolls in our respective group to take account of...
CBI: A cave in!
CBI: Uhh I don't really knowe how to handle this.
CBI: I will saye this though, don't do anythinge rash. Don't blowe anything up, it will just make it worse. I think. Haven't been on land in a while.
CBI: Juste
CBI: I don't knowe. Try to do whate you can. Who knows, maybe a solution will occur once we start playinge?
CURRENT omnipotentOmnivore [COO] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
COO: hey guysh you'll never guessh what i jusht ate!
COO: i meant to tell you earlier in the other memo but i got dishtracted by my overwhelming
COO: urge for revenge. anyway, i wash in my hive being angshty when i caught a--
COO: oh hey we have fewer people on our team now?
CBI: Welle yes. Somewhat stunted teams to move the entries along.
CBI: We'll probably rejoine the rest of Fortress when the time comes.
CBI: You stille there Zebrek?
CBI: We shoulde probably get started...
FSH: i cant get out how do i get out i cant get to twinkleberry help me help me help me how do i get outttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt tttttttttt
[color=#9370D8}CBI: Uhh welle
CBI: Maybe you shoulde uhh
CBI: Maybe you can figure it our once the game startse
CBI: After you see the Server toolse, we can see if there is anything Gorrma can help you with.
CBI: Yeah thate. We should connect to get started on thate.[/color]

Is how you were treating Nasryl earlier?

You are sort of starting to worry.You understand he's angsting and all, you sort of plan on angsting later as well, but YOUR life is at stake right now. Aldurin made it sound like there isn't much time left...

Indeed there wasn't. Glissa couldn't see it from her shallow position under the polar caps, but the space rock had already appeared right above her hive and was made a straight descent for the water and ice that encased her home.

>Glissa: Be the Imp

You are now a club headed CALCIUM IMP and you are flipping the fuck out. The SAGE is wasting your friends left and right and you don't know what to do. From your vantage point, you see him talking to his SPRITE, apparently in something of a ceasefire. Maybe you should run away for now? The VICEROY would certainly prefer a report from a survivor than a whole dead team of imps. He's also less likely to show you his STABS unlike the ARCHAGENT.

Yeah, thats what you'll do. You skulk off out of the odd and cluttered SHACK and find nowhere to go. The jackass hasn't built up his gate yet. Fuck.

>Take the plunge

You do the only thing you can and hurl yourself from the ledge of his hive and into the waves below. Anything to get away. Hopefully they'll send THE HOUNDS to deal with this prick while your away.

>They: Send the hounds

"WOOF!"

Suddenly, after BEECHIESPRITE'S monologue, a shrill bark fills the air. From the outside of the small HIVE, a pack of three QUARTZ TEARRIERS group together and ready themselves for attack. The dogs themselves reach up a little over half Caoway's hive and their legs are at an unnatural distance between each other. Their claws are more like daggers and they seem to carry two maws that hunger for flesh. They distinctly lack eyes as well. The first of them appears to have the facial feacher's of Beechie and his glasses, despite the lack of eyes, and his paws are shaped like diamonds. The Second one has forelegs in the shape of Beechie's arms and claws, making for an awkward gait and appearance. The third one has inherited STRIZE'S antennae and possesses third set of legs that come from off the mid-section of the tordo and point forward, bearing the mantis's deadly scythes.

They are out for blood and circle the shack slowly, looking for an entrance. Only a matter of time before they start leaping through windows. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juwVi0XLAQc)

========>

*Ba-dump*

*Ba-dump*

....

*Ba-dump*

That's all Leraje seems to hear after his assault on the Imp's in protection of his custodians corpse. Beating. The drumming sounds emerge seeminglt from the lands below him, and the strong cords that hold his HIVE from the large PIT below vibrate a little with each throb. They grow inconsistent at times though, as though something forces them down.

There has yet been no reprise from the Imps. The MAGE'S brutal counterattack apparently frightened them off. Or perhaps there were just no others left to attack.

Only the WALLSPRITE carried a presence as Leraje wnt to his computer, and it beckoned him to move away from it. Odd, garbled words were strewnabout from the ghostly wall as it urged him to move elsewhere. It wanted him to move towards Seymour. It hovered right above the slain lusus bobbing up and down as to almost make a suggestion to the young troll.

How shall he react?

========>

Overcast

03-30-2011, 05:51 PM

========>

You don't seem to notice your sprite, waving it away with a frantic shoosh pap. You are unreasonably distracted because your biggest weakness has suddenly decided to message you.

That's right. Vintag.

Leraje: Reminisce.

Humor had always been something seriously lacking in your life, Seymour had not ever been a very supporting lusus when it came to kindness and fun. He was always trying to kill you after all. As a result when you first came into contact with Vintag you weren't quite sure how to react. Typically you responded like a cunning warrior to most people, subtly pushing their buttons until they worked the way you needed them to in order to win, but Vintag had gotten to your buttons first.

Mostly the funny bone.

Her every odd performance always had you rolling and unlike everyone else you ever met you never did make it to trying to control her, or even ship her! You would not realize it, but you were very flushed with her. All you did know was you had the bad habit of panicking when it seemed like you said something stupid. Which was all the time. This time was no different.

Leraje: Break your computer.

After having this (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1112662&postcount=50)conversation you panicked(as always) but this time had the genius to whap your desk with your chains. The end result was the destruction of your PC, which was sad because it was a really good computer. Though without the distractions you finally noticed the sprite bothering you.

You stopped your papping and shooshing long enough to follow it to Seymour, and you figured you knew what it wanted. You severed the chain and it fell in, and there was a sudden brightness as the thing transformed, where the TV used to be there was the image of Seymour, with a ghostly tail, and a chain around his neck, his face replaced with a TV screen.

Seymour: STRIFE!

You hug the little grubber. Wait what?! What is this! Why did you hug him? I mean...sure he could use a hug and all but that wasn't something a warrior like yourself did. That was what softies filled with emotions like trolls did, you were supposed to be fighting to make him stronger!

Seymoursprite: YOU LITTLE WORM! What have you done?
Leraje: Well...I tossed your corpse. Into the sprite thing, I guess. Why?
Seymoursprite: What in the ever loving hell are you talking about boy?

Leraje: RECAP!

Seymour, oddly patient stood by and listened to your story, but at some point found the time to interrupt you.

Seymoursprite: WAIT. What you are telling me, is you fused my being with the essence of that deviant mass of emotions you call a shipwall!
Leraje: Huh, I guess I did. This explains the hugging.
Seymoursprite: You insignificant little swine! I WILL MURDER YOU!

You end up hugging him again. You just can't help it. You love him. He smiles and goes on his merry way. You swear you will find some way to get back at him for infesting you with these damnedable feelings, but for now you guess you have to help him with this quest. He was starting to get sidetracked.

========>

Arcanum

04-09-2011, 06:18 PM

========>

You are now Reztek.

> What? No! What about the quest!

Quests are for chumps. Organization and music is where it's at.

> Hate you so much.

Reztek is currently sitting in his sub-basement, watching the psychedelic SGRUB installation screen. It's taking a really long time on this old shitty grubtop.

> Stop ignoring me!

He decides now would be a good time to check in on the team memo.

> RAGAABLARAGHAAFKLKJLAGKJ

On second thought now would be a great time to re-organize the entire sub-basement. There are a lot of boxes filled with CHERISHED MEMORABILIA and various NICK-KNACKS.

> Reztek: Check on memo

Much better. You open up the memo and are glad to see the others didn't take long to find it.

technopathicalAnomaly [TA] responded to memo RIGHT NOW
TA: plEAsE dOn't dIssAppOInt mE As bAdlY As thE OthErs hAvE
TA: nOw Is nOt thE tImE fOr mE tO lOsE fAIth In All Of yOU
TA: I mEAn hAvE yOU hEArd AbOUt EvErYthIng thAt's gOnE wrOng?
TA: thE fAn hAs brOkEn frOm All Of thE shIt thAt hAs hIt It
TA: bUt bAck tO bUsInEss, jUst trY tO AdvAncE thIs As qUIcklY As pOssIblE
TA: I rEAllY dOn't wAnt tO tEst If I hAvE thE cApAbIlItIEs tO shOOt dOwn mY mEtEOr bEfOrE It hIts
burlesqueBalderdash [BB] responded to memo RIGHT NOW
BB: O>o rez can vicki really be brought back STOP
BB: O>o please tell me that isnt some cruel joke those are my least favorite kind STOP
BB: O>o oh STOP
BB: O>o sorry for the delay STOP
BB: O>o ive been... uh... STOP
BB: O>o yeah ill just do that connecting thing at you now STOP
EO: Yes oUr luSii cAn be BrouGht bAck tO lifE
EO: Sort Of
EO: Im noT to cLear On thE detAils But tHe otHer mEmos Seem To be ConfIrmiNg whAt my SourCe toLd me
EO: Just Make Sure You pRotoType Your LusuS witH the KernEl
EO: Well I gueSs yoU wilL see Me do It soOn so We wiLl fiNd ouT
EO: The gAme iS almOst dOne iNstaLlinG on tHis sHittY old GrubTop sO i wiLl trOll yOu whEn itS donE
CURRENT hazardousPractitioner [CHP] has responded to memo RIGHT NOW
CHP: There's still hXpe then!
CHP: FXr Cathara and Vikki and Glissa's lusus!
CHP: This is incredible!
CHP: Vintag, I'm sX sXrry for just leaving yXu in that last lXg.
CHP: Uhh.
CHP: I guess I dXn't have much else tX add. The clip art appeals tX me I suppXse.
TA: gOOd tO knOw yOU'rE bAck wIth Us, nAsrYl
BB: O>o dont worry about it nasryl STOP
BB: O>o in fact STOP
BB: O>o do me a favor and dont mention that log again STOP

========>

Looks like everyone is up to speed. Now if only that damn game would finish installing. Looks like you will have to kill some time before that happens though.

> Reztek: Investigate boxes

You open up the nearest box and carefully remove a stack of papers. They are all extremely old sheet music, original copies in fact. However you have taken the liberty of defiling them with various annotations and translations. For when properly decoded these songs are actually the hidden journal of the greatest Troll musician that ever lived. He is never referred to by name, and is simply known as The Orchestrator. You have spent sweeps accumulating and decoding his work. It has been your life's work ever since the carpenter drones building your hive found a box marked with his, your, symbol.

However you were strongly discouraged from finding more pieces of The Orchestrator's journal after the most recent entry that you decoded.

> Reztek: Read latest entry

I havE defIed fAte oNce aGain.

TodaY was My thIrd aUdieNce wIth tHe grAnd hIghbLood And fOr thE thiRd tiMe i hAve eScapEd wiTh my Life. ThouGh i fEar mY lucK is rUnniNg ouT.

A truE musIciaN musT be aBle tO guaGe thEir aUdieNce oR risK offEndiNg thE wroNg soRt of TrolL. as sUch i Fear The gRandHighBlooD is gRowiNg boRed oF my sPectAcleS.

He haS invIted Me to PrefOrm iN his CourT agaIn toMorrOw anD i knOw it Will Be my Last. The fOurtH visIt, thE fouRth bEat, aNd siLencE aftEr; it Is beFittIng oF the HighBlooDs seNse oF humOur.

My onLy hoPe is To abSconD. A felLow pErfoRmer And i Have Made PlanS for Just Such An ocCasiOn. i hOpe aLl goEs weLl foR her And i This NighT.

========>

The Grand Highblood was the most fearsome troll in that age. He butchered countless trolls for amusement. You doubt your ancestor managed to escape, and if he did he was probably hunted down and killed, or brought before the Grand Highblood and then killed.

> Enough with the grimdark. Reztek: Check SGRUB.

You do just that. It seems the game is done downloading. You promptly inform Vintag of the situation.

========>

--eloquentOrchestrator [EO] began trolling burlesqueBalderdash [BB]--
EO: I havE the Game InstAlleD but I canT unpLug mY curRent HuskTop
EO: The bAtteRy is An olD pieCe of TrasH and Cant Hold A chaRge
EO: Im goIng tO go iNspeCt thE damAge tO my hIve aNd trY to fInd oNe of My spAre cOmpuTers
EO: Feel Free To dePloy The gAme tHingS and Fix tHe moRe unStabLe paRts oF my Hive

> Reztek: Explore Hive

You cautiously emerge from the sub-basement. It seems like everything is fine so far, though most of the damage is probably upstairs near your respite block.

> Reztek: Look for other Reztek

He's probably dead but it couldn't hurt to look. You could at least give yourself a proper burial. You head upstairs, and enter the hallway outside of your respite block. The first thing you notice is that everything taller than your head is missing. Walls, the ceiling, everything you meticulously organized. It looks like a shockwave blasted the upper level of your hive, but didn't travel any lower than your neck. Definitely not a good sign.

> Reztek: Inspect respite block

You make your way to the end of the hallway and move the splintered half-door out of the way. What you find is rather gruesome. The other you is lying there, sprawled on the ground, still missing his arm, but now his head is gone too. You look around but don't see it anywhere. However you do notice that your wall of amps (or what remains of it) was dialed all the way up to twelve. The shockwave was obviously his doing, and in his weakened state and the sheer amount of sound he tried to wield it's a miracle he channeled it as well as he did. Had he ducked slightly he might have kept his head.

> Reztek: Give Reztek a proper burial.

You would, but a glance sky-wards shows a peculiar speck of light that seems to be growing brighter. It doesn't take a genius to guess it's a meteor heading straight for you. Might as well just put his body out of sight until you have time to deal with it. As you drag yourself into the closet something falls out of dead you's pocket.

> Reztek: Read the note

ReztEk, yoU proBablY thiNk im An idIot rIght Now. tRuth Is i sAved Your Life By deStroYing The fIrst MeteOr. thE secOnd iS stiLl coMing. I alsO lefT you My stRife SpecIbus aNd a wOrkiNg grUbtoP. now HurrY up aNd coNtacT vinTag.

P.s. yoU donT die Like This. You wIll uNderStanD eveNtuaLly.

========>

Attached to the note is an Axkind Strife Specibus and a Grubtop inside a standard array modus card. You stick the Specibus in your Strife Portfolio and remove the Grubtop from the card. It's game time.

> Reztek: Get back in touch with Vintag

BB: O>o ill do what i can STOP
BB: O>o for a fella thats obsessed with orchestration STOP
BB: O>o this is a fine mess youve made yourself here rockstar STOP
BB: O>o with a coupla pointers from me you could be living in piles of your own filth STOP
EO: Okay I finAlly FounD a coMputEr thAt isNt brOken
EO: And dOnt eVen gEt me StarTed oN the Mess
EO: FutuRe me Was a ReckLess MuscLebeAst pOsteRior And i Plan To do EverYthiNg i cAn to Not eNd up Like Him
EO: SpeaKing Of whIch pLeasE donT looK in wHat rEmaiNs of My clOset
BB: O>o yknow i think ill get through this game faster if i start ignoring the insane ramblings of all you people STOP
BB: O>o even so STOP
BB: O>o whats in the closet rez STOP
BB: O>o my curiosity demands prompt satiation STOP
EO: No
EO: EverY timE i trY not To meNtioN him SomeOne aSks aNd foR somE reaSon i SpilL the BeanS
EO: But iM donE witH thaT now
EO: I wilL nevEr acKnowLedgE deaD me aGain
EO: ...
EO: Fuck
EO: Ok igNore That, Game Talk Now
EO: WherE did You pUt thE thiNgs?
BB: O>o i havent put em anywhere yet STOP
BB: O>o these things are damn big and the game wont let me put them anywhere thats occupied with another object STOP
BB: O>o which due to the aforementioned mess is everywhere STOP
BB: O>o guess ill be the maid now STOP
EO: Well Try tO keeP theM relAtivEly cLose TogeTher
EO: The gUide And mEmos Seem To imPly lOts oF scaMperIng aBout And i Dont Know How mUch tIme wE havE
BB: O>o alright then ill deploy them in the basement STOP
BB: O>o since it seems to be only part of your hive that isnt a wingedrodentshit labryinth of doubt and miasma STOP
BB: O>o tell me if you have a problem with me chucking the stuff down here STOP
EO: The bAsemEnt sHoulD worK finE
EO: Just Give Me a mOmenT to gEt baCk doWn thEre

> Moments later, but not many

BB: O>o always leavin the ladies waitin STOP
BB: O>o typical STOP
EO: I wouLd be More ConcErneD witH proPer cHivaLrioUs deMeanOurs If thEre wAsnt A metEor hEadiNg stRaigHt foR me
EO: SpeaKing Of whIch gRab oNe of ThesE boxEs anD droP it oN the CruxTrudEr
BB: O>o thats the one that looks like a sewage unobstructator device right STOP
EO: Yeah. The sTupiD fidDly wHeel Wont BudgE
BB: O>o violence and otherworldy technology always produce the best results STOP
BB: O>o consider it bonked STOP
EO: No waIt NOt THAt BOX!

========>

Vintag decided to use the box containing you life's work, the painstakingly pieced together journal of The Orchestrator. The sheet music slash journal is scattered everywhere. All of that time spent piecing it together in the right order lost.

EO: FuuuUuuuUuucK!!!!!!!!
EO: It toOk me SweePs to Find ThosE! let AlonE pieCe thEm toGethEr in The rIght OrdeR!
BB: O>o wait are you saying make your own boxes STOP
EO: Fuck The bOx!
EO: That SheeT musIc hoLds a HiddEn joUrnaL thaT ive SlowLy piEced TogeTher
EO: Now i Have To reOrgaNize It alL
BB: O>o hey what no STOP
BB: O>o quit casting your feline lusus offsprings all over for that crap STOP
BB: O>o well have so many uneeded lusii it will be our personal lusinarium STOP
BB: O>o i dont even know if that is a word STOP
BB: O>o then they will all die because of the meteors coming to obliterate you STOP
BB: O>o do you really want all that metaphorical anxiety kitten blood on your hands STOP
BB: O>o are you listening STOP
EO: What The fUck aRe yoU talKing AbouT?
EO: I donT havE a felIne lUsus I havE an aRmorEd slOw-moVing ReptIle
BB: O>o shut up thats not even the point STOP
EO: Wait YourE rigHt! scRew yOur hOrriBle aNaloGy we Need To puT sheLly iN the KernEl spRite
BB: O>o uh ok yeah thats what i was going for STOP
BB: O>o get youre shit together and do that thing you said STOP
EO: You aRe goIng tO havE to dO it
EO: ShelLy is Too bIg foR me tO lifT
EO: She iS in hEr haBitaT so wE jusT neeD to bRing The sPritE theRe soMe hoW

> Reztek: Check the memo while she does that

FUTURE melancholicChumly [FMC] 53:11 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FMC: Reztek, /)o not ban me!
FMC: Not unleS\S\ you want another /)ea/) you to a/)/) to the pile.
FMC: I nee/) you to /)o me a few S\mall favorS\ to maintain a S\table time loop.
TA: WHY IS IT WE CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME? SERIOUSLY!
EO: Wait I die More Than Once? How dOes tHat eVen wOrk?
EO: And wHat iS thiS aboUt tiMe loOps?
EO: Fuck It yoU are ProbAbly Just TrolLing Me
EO: Ban tIme
EO banned FMC from responding to memo
FUTURE eloquentOrchestrator [FEO] ??? HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo
FEO unbanned FMC from responding to memo
FEO: Shut Up anD lisTen tO him
FEO: I hatE how StupId i wAs whEn i wAs yoU
FUTURE eloquentOrchestrator [FEO] ceased responding to memo
EO: GogdAmniT finE
EO: What Do yoU wanT caoWay?
FMC: ThiS\ iS\n't about what I want, it'S\ about what nee/)S\ to be /)one.
FMC: Accor/)inG\ to one of the future youS\ anyway.
FMC: FirS\t, I nee/) you to meS\S\aG\e me in your riG\ht now, type /)own the co/)e "f823njD", S\ay it will come in han/)y later, inS\ult me, an/) loG\ off before paS\t me haS\ a chance to reS\pon/).
EO: Fine, Now gEt ouT of oUr meMo
FMC: That was only the firS\t thinG\ that nee/)e/) to be /)one.
FMC: But pleaS\e, by all meanS\, ban me aG\ain S\o that I S\tay out of your S\uperb S\ecret memo.
FMC: Meanwhile, in my riG\ht now, I'll /juS\t wait for another future you S\how up to berate pa/St you before beinG\ /)ecapitate/) by a threS\her.
FMC: BecauS\e that never S\topS\ beinG\ unnervinG\.
FMC: I waS\n't /jokinG\ when I S\ai/) there waS\ a pile. I am literally S\tan/)inG\ riG\ht next to it.
EO: Yes lEts kEep tAlkiNg abOut tHe hoRribLe waYs i dIe ovEr anD oveR becAuse It maKes sO mucH senSe thAt thAt caN be a ThinG thaT is pOssiBle
EO: Oh anD donT forGet tO add CrusHed bY metEor bEcauSe thAts wHats GoinG to hAppeN to mE sooN if yOu doNt teLl me What You wAnt sO i caN stoP wasTing Time In thIs meMo anD entEr thE gamE
FMC: G\o to your turntable, /)rama queen.
EO: WhicH one? I havE at lEast Ten iN my hIve
EO: ActuAlly ProbAbly Less With All tHe daMage FutuRe me Did
FMC: The one that'S\ the leaS\t broken.
FMC: I want you to captchaloG\ue it an/) look at the co/)e on the back.
FMC: MemoriS\e it or write it /)own on a piece of paper, /juS\t make S\ure you can uS\e it later.
FMC: After you've /)one that take it out an/) S\et it on the floor.
EO: This SeemS incRediBly sTupiD

> Reztek: Grab a turntable

You dig through some boxes and find one of your old turntables. It's still in working order... relatively speaking.

========>

EO: But fIne, tHere, Done
FMC: ThiS\ laS\t part'S\ G\oinG\ to be a little har/)er.
FMC: I nee/) you to G\ive me the exact coor/)inateS\ of the turntable, in relation to the center of your hive an/) elevation above S\ea level.
EO: I... whaT? how Do yoU expEct
EO: THErE IS a METeOR HuRTLiNG ToWARdS MY hIVE!!
EO: I donT havE timE for This
FUTURE eloquentOrchestrator [FEO2] ??? HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo
FEO2: You wIll hAve aLl thE timE you Will Ever Need EvenTualLy
FEO2: But fOr noW herE are The cOordInatEs
FEO2: Just Dont ThinK too Hard AbouT how I knoW theM
FEO2: 84.5413 - 50.1612 - 112.1137
FUTURE eloquentOrchestrator [FEO2] ceased responding to memo
EO: Well TherE you Go
EO: Now iF you Dont Have Any oTher MeniAl taSks fOr me I am gOing To fiNish MessIng aRounD witH theSe gaMe coNstrUcts
FMC: That'll /)o, Rez. That'll /)o.
FUTURE melancholicChumly [FMC] ceased responding to memo

> Reztek: Spite Caoway

You do just that and kick the turntable that's lying on the ground, knocking out of it's old coordinates... and right into the ones that future you gave Caoway as it disappearafies. You hate future you even more now. Oh well at least you can still insult current Caoway.

--eloquentOrchestrator [EO] began trolling melancholicChumly [MC] --
EO: f823njD
EO: That Will Come In haNdy lAter
EO: ConsIderIng hOw paThetIc yoU are I thiNk yoU couLd usE all The hElp yOu caN get
--eloquentOrchestrator [EO] ceased trolling melancholicChumly [MC] --

> Reztek: Game stuff! Now! Quickly!

BB: O>o i think youre supposed to put them in a cup and release them outside STOP
BB: O>o that way they are safe in their natural environment STOP
BB: O>o get in the cup ya little hood STOP
BB: O>o i am being conscious of your well being STOP
BB: O>o stop hiding behind furniture i will give you such a beating STOP
BB: O>o i hate you kernelsprite get in my cup STOP
BB: O>o yes run run to your destiny little one STOP
BB: O>o and if you ever come back STOP
BB: O>o ILL KILL YOU STOP
EO: Woah I cheCk on The mEmo aNd prEforM somE menIal tAsks For fUturE caoWay aNd yoU go oFf on A graNd spRite Hunt
EO: SomeHow i ManaGe to Miss All tHe fuN
EO: Well If thE sprIte aBsorBed sHellY theN i thInk nOw yoU neeD to gIve mE somE sorT of cArd tO use With The lAthe
BB: O>o woops i think someone ripped up your card STOP
BB: O>o its got more leaks in it than the bathroom at the culled martini STOP
BB: O>o i wonder if anyone ever got hoary-eyed and passed out on this card STOP
EO: RighT letS jusT hopE theSe hoLes aRe suPposEd to Be thEre
EO: So thE carD goeS theRe, thE cruXite Goes TherE
EO: And nOw we Have An odDly sHapeD pieCe of CruxIte
BB: O>o mystifying STOP
BB: O>o does the guide say anything about this STOP
EO: The gUide Was wRittEn by DerpAh
EO: Im suRpriSed iTs goTten Us thIs faR
EO: Well The oNly tHing Left To usE is tHe alChemIter
EO: LookS likE the CruxIte fIts oN thiS staNd
EO: Now wE jusT
EO: Oh
EO: Fuck

> What is it?! The suspense is killing me! There better not be another transition!

mauve

04-11-2011, 09:42 PM

>What is it?! The suspense is killing me!! There'd bettwe not be another transition!

You are now GORRMA.

>....I hate everyone and everything right now.

GORRMA can't really think about hate right now!

You are pacing back and forth, pondering your next move and picking gigapede legs out of your braces. Man, they may be lucky, but they're tricky to eat. You probably should've thought that through first. You could've boiled it with some herbs and fresh algae and made it more palatable. Not that it wasn't tasty, but seriously, the tiny crunchy exoskeleton bits are worse than raspberry seeds.

There's a delightful mental image for you all the next time you eat anything that has raspberries in it. Bug peices.

>Shut up and go outside. This is gross.

That's right. You can't just mope around in your basement-block for the rest of your life.

You have to think of Nommington. He wouldn't have wanted you to give up your dream. All his hard work training you to eat inedible things wouldn't go to waste! You swear it!

You pick up the nearest expendable item; a wooden spoon. You raise it to the heavens, solemnly swearing on your lusus' grave that-- oh. Wait. He doesn't have a grave. He's in your sylladex ingredient bin.

You solemnly swear on the sylladex ingredient bin that you will prevail, that you will use your unique gifts to become the world's greatest (possibly ONLY, considering the circumstances) Gourmancer. Every one of your future victories will be in Nommington's memory! You take a big bite of the wooden spoon to seal the deal.

>Outside. Go. Now.
Yeah, you'd better go see if you can find some way to put out the fire in the kitchen. You could probably run a garden hose down the chimney if you go to the surface.

You could probably catch a bat or two and toast them over the chimney flames if you find a suitable toasting stick. You've been moping for over an hour and have only eaten a gigapede and half a wooden spoon in that time. You have some catching up to do if you want to make the dearly departed soul of your murdered guardian proud.

You make the trek to the higher reaches of your hive, climb the exit ladder, and force open the hatch leading to the surface. Pale moonlight floods the corridor as the hatch creaks open.

Something red catches your eye. A shooting star?

....a meteor?

...aaaaaannnd oh yes, looks like the forest around your hive is on fire. That's... new.

You stare at the flames. You stare at the meteors. The flames get higher. The meteors get larger.

You close the hatch. Yeah, maaaybe you'll stay inside for today.

You return to your husktop. The tattered remnants of the SGRUB guide is at your feet. Curiously you nudge the book with your toe. It opens to a new page.

>Gorrma: Read.
Huh. Will you look at that? Right there, underlined: "METEORS FALL; ALL DIE." Guess you should've read the fine print sooner.

Well this is disappointing. Shouldn't this SGRUB thing save you from having to die? This book should tell you, right? Oh, of course. You ATE that part of the manual. Sometimes you wish you had a less destructive hobby. Time to re-download the manual, you guess.

> Troll friends.
Hey, yeah! Why should you actually go and do research when you could just ask some random people on the internet?

>Create memo: Apocalypshe Now-Ish.
CURRENT omnipotentOmnivore [OO] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board APOCALYPSHE NOW-ISH
COO: sho, shorry i've been um... kind of quiet lately.
COO: there wash, um...
COO: a fire.
COO: i don't really want to dishcussh it in detail. but it'sh kept me kind of busy. i've been
COO: shpending a lot of time thinking about thingsh.
COO: alsho in mourning.
COO: again, don't want to dishcussh it in detail.
COO: but i guessh ash ushual i'm the lasht pershon to be informed about sheveral important
COO: detailsh-- namely, thish whole "death by meteorsh" thing. would it have killed you
COO: guysh to maybe point that out to the girl who livesh UNDERGROUND? it'sh very difficult
COO: for me to keep track of thingsh going on in the shky, you know.
COO: anyway, i've decided to shtick with the original plan of playing thish game. i have my
COO: own reashonsh, which may or may not invovle the
COO: deshtruction of a certain troll who ish totally not getting a book of recipesh now.
COO: i've been kind of out of the loop shince nommington died-- wait, darnit, i
COO: washn't going to tell you guysh that!!! D-:<[ argh!!! i wanted to avoid talking about that!!
COO: well, the domeshticated feline ish out of the bag now, i guessh. before i fall into another
COO: fit of deep deshpair over the untimely lossh of my besht friend DAMN YOU ALDURIN
COO: YOU AND YOUR GAME HAVE RUINED ALL I HOLD DEAR---ahem. excushe me.
COO: i guessh i should ashk everybody where they are and what progressh ish being made.
COO: sho....
COO: where ish everybody?
FUTURE melancholicChumly [FMC] 89:12 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo
FMC: They're all too cauG\ht up in rea/)inG\ team memoS\ an/) completinG\ G\ame ob/jectiveS\.
FMC: You kin/) of G\ot /)iS\tracte/) yourS\elf an/) let thiS\ boar/) fall by the wayS\i/)e aS\ well.
COO: oh. well that'sh kind of dishappointing.
CURRENT StalkerSahagin [CSS] RIGHT NOW responded to memo
CSS: What meteors?
FMC: It'S\ part of the G\ame.
FMC: Once you S\tart playinG\, you have to G\ain entrance to the me/)ium within a S\et amount of time.
FMC: Or elS\e you'll be kille/) by the meteor S\hower that'S\ G\oinG\ to wipe out all life on the planet.
FMC: An/) G\orrma, I /)i/)n't mean to brinG\ you /)own.
FMC: I waS\ /juS\t lettinG\ you know that the next few /)ayS\ are G\oinG\ to be pretty hectic.
FMC: Maybe even a little fun at timeS\.
FMC: You may not make a whole S\lew of new memoS\ between your now an/) my now, but that /)oeS\n't mean you won't S\tart more S\ometime in my imme/)iate future.
FMC: S\hit, here I am talkinG\ about perS\onal time frameS\ not even an hour after G\ettinG\ piS\S\y with a Reztek about /)oinG\ the S\ame thinG\.
COO: well, i guessh that'sh undershtandable; everybody'sh busy with the whole "end of the
COO: world game" thing, doing... whatever it ish we do in the end of the world game...
COO: and future me ish probably off gaining levelsh or working on my shuper-shecret
COO: revenge scheme.
COO: ....alsho, thish whole time travelling memo thing shtill kind of confushesh me.
FUTURE omnipotentOmnivore [FOO] 90:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FOO: you'll get ushed to it! don't worry!
FUTURE omnipotentOmnivore [FOO] ceased resonding to memo.
COO: ....i really wish i'd shtop doing that. ]>:-(
CURRENT bathorysIllustrator [BI] RIGHT NOW has responded to memo
CBI: my respiteblocke just exploded and everythings covered in blood now
CBI: i dont wante to do anything but lay downe when will the meteors try to kill me
FMC: Oh carp.
FMC: I mean, crap.
FMC: Look G\liS\S\a, I know you're feelinG\ really ba/) at the moment but if you /juS\t wait two S\econ/)S\ paS\t me will S\tart trollinG\ you.
FMC: Then the both of you can have one of the moS\t poiG\nant an/) heartfelt feelinG\S\-/jamS\ in the hiS\tory of para/)ox S\pace.
CSS: Good thing I'm in the sea.
CBI: Why shoulde I even
CBI: whate
CBI: fine, i'll be waitinge
FMC: You won't have to wait lonG\.
FMC: AlS\o, Piron, beinG\ a couple leaG\ueS\ un/)er water woul/)n't provi/)e much protection from an extinction level S\pace rock impact.
FMC: To illuS\trate the point: http://tiny.cc/instantdeath
CSS: That is different.
COO: wow. yeah. looksh like the sea-trollsh are kind of shcrewed.
COO: not that the resht of ush will fare any better, i guessh.
COO: eshpecially the onesh living by the beach. i mean, can you imagine the tshunami
COO: that would come from shomething like that?
COO: .....
COO: oh, whoopsh. no offenshe intended. ]':-\
CURRENT absentPsychologist [AP] RIGHT NOW has responded to memo
CAP: Sorry, all my things...exploded. Damn imps.
CAP: I never...got to see. The BIG waves. But, there...was some rising. Waters, early on. If they, get bigger. Yeah, we're doomed.
CAP: But Gorrma...apparently. Derpah, is worried. About, you and your. PLANS.
CAP: He should be. We should get together, and plot.
COO: really? you'd do that for me? thanksh!
CAP: It is...my. Pleasure. ._.
COO: ]>:-D
COO: oh wow my revenge shcheme ish gonna be the besht revenge shcheme ever now!
FUTURE spectacularHellion [FSH] 49:23 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo
FSH: um i dunno how does a game kill our lususes i mean i know that it sends meteors at us but scalis is the one who killed twinkleberry and im going to kill him for it
CBI: he did whate
CBI: you're going to WHATE
CBI: don't really answer thate
CBI: I neede to thinke
CURRENT bathorysIllustrator [CBI] has ceased responding to memo
COO: actually zeb... you know, i'm really not sure how the game killsh our lushii.
COO: huh. it made perfect shenshe a few minutesh ago when sharl explained it.
COO: shomething about... computery code shtuff and... like... technobabble...
COO: i dunno. but i asshume sharl'sh explanation wash very convincing, whatever it wash!
COO: sho... i guessh it'sh posshible that derpah wash telling the truth when he shaid he
COO: had no idea running the game would kill our lushiii, meaning my revenge plot ish
COO: a mishguided and unjusht one.
COO: but until i know for sure, i'm jusht gonna asshume thish ish all hish fault.
FSH: i dont get it
FSH: how did like computery stuff make scalis kill twinkleberry
FSH: should i hate aldurin now too?
FUTUREhastyExecutor [HE] 1:34 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo
FHE: I TRIE> TO BUY ^ LITTLE TIME
FHE: TH^T'S WH^T I THOUGHT I W^S >OING
FHE: I SHOUL> NEvER H^vE TRIE> TO STOP TH^T METEOR :<
FHE: WH^'T'S THE POINT ^NW^Y?!?! >:[
FHE: EvERYONE'S C^NCELING THEIR OR>ERS
FHE: IT'S ^LL COMING ^P^RT
FHE: THIS RE^LLY IS THE EN>...
CURRENT butketHed RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CBH: :argh: Everyone is cancelling their orders on my end too! Business has been horrible. :crying:
CBH: Shut down power in the Warehive just to prevent it from blowing up with me and all my stuff. :mad:
CBH: Mainly reading on the functions so that when Gorrma calls, I'm ready. No tinkering or experiementing with game functions at this critical phase... :sweatdrop
CBH: As for Scalis killing his lusus, :raise: I don't know what's up with that. But I saw my lusus die in front of me in an INCREDIBLY STUPID FASHION! SUICIDALLY STUPID. The stuff you'd expect from a newborn grub not even a sweep old! :wtf:
CBH: Mind you, he was never terribly intelligent, but given his sudden change in behavior and the wave of lusus related demise, I was willing to guess that the game somehow altered the behavior of our lusus. :knowledge: Of course, I only can only speak of my experience when I say this... :crossarms:

FMC: Well, I can't S\ay thiS\ with a whole lot of certainty, but I /)On't think the G\ame iS\ controllinG\ our luS\ii an/) forcinG\ them to into S\uici/)al S\ituationS\.
FMC: From what I've learne/) S\o far, it S\eemS\ like all of them were /)oome/) anyway an/) in the back of their min/)S\ they knew it.
FMC: I think hiS\ behavior chanG\e/) becauS\e he knew it waS\ cominG\.
FMC: I coul/) be wronG\ thouG\h.
COO: ....sho....
COO: doesh that mean i should shtill be mad at aldurin or what?
FMC: I really /)on't know.
FMC: I only S\ai/) that I think the G\ame /)oeS\n't S\eize control of their min/)S\, but I S\till believe that it'S\ the G\ame what /)oome/) them in the firS\t place.
FMC: It'S\ complicate/) an/) I'm not very G\oo/) at explaininG\ it.
FUTURE spectacularHellion [FSH2] ??? HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FSH2: youre thinking too linearly
FSH2: paradox space loves reacharounds
FSH2: our lususesisises?
FSH2: were always going to die because paradox space set it up like that
FSH2: billions and billions of sweeps ago
FSH2: what they did was entirely in character and also what paradox space made them to do since the moment they were concieved so they could die
FSH2: does that make sense?
FUTURE spectacularHellion [FSH3] 12:45 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FSH3: um what
AP: He's saying, that it was destined...for Scalist to kill. Your lusus. Just like it is...destined for you to, kill him. So let's get. Started on some MURDERS.
FSH2: thats crap
FSH2: paradox space is just a giant bone bulge
AP: Murders.

>Be someone less clueless.

Aldurin

04-27-2011, 05:14 PM

>Be someone less clueless.

You succeed so hard you actually manage to be Herpey.

Death continues to feast within the distant craters, but you know that he won't stay there forever.

The situation would probably hilarious from an outside perspective, but right now you have to live through it. Given the chatlogs that you've monitored from your personal terminal and the meteors approaching outside, it looks like shit is going to crash down on you all at once and your only hope will be him. You really wish you picked a different troll to raise, anyone but Aldurin. Other dysfunctions would have been more tolerable than inducing apocalypses for mere games.

And he probably still believes that the deaths of the wards for the other psychotic juveniles were coincidence, merely bad luck at an inconvenient time. But you can't rule that out, you can't risk letting your guard down in the case that some arcane force truly is orchestrating your unsuspecting death.

You turn away from your personal terminal for the mainframe, one of the few pieces of work that kid has done right, and get back to work on your project. The energy rifle you're building should be versatile enough for skirmishes with whatever might come in and try to kill you, should it ever come to that.

You carefully wire in the power core . . . and you won't stop feeling this urge to cross the circuit connections. The resulting overload would detonate the rifle and surely kill you, and you begin to feel a sick feeling of dread as you're expertise attempts to turn against you.

You quickly force the wiring into the correct positions and push the rifle away from you. Your heart pounding, you finally realize that death is out to find you, and this time it's becoming more resourceful.

You begin to assess possible escape options, since staying with Aldurin is now more dangerous than ever. You doubt you could escape the blast radius in time, but staying on the mountain long enough to go wherever Aldurin is supposed to end up may work.

As much as you don't like it, you're going to have to assist that irresponsible troll in his survival. Then you should have time to seek out sanctuary from mortality.

>Wait, what?

Arhra

05-02-2011, 08:55 AM

> Iropha: Converse with brooding type

vengefulRodentia [VR] began trolling hastyExecutor [HE]
VR: all right...
VR: you had better be... as FAST as you THINK you are...
HE: I'M F^STER TH^N I THIN|< I ^M!
HE: THIN|< ^BOUT TH^T >:3
HE: ONE MOMENT
VR: ...
HE: JUST THREE >OTS?
HE: I'M ^HE^> OF SCHE>ULE THEN!!!
VR: meteors...
VR: my... CONTINUED survival...
VR: I am very... very interested in how you protect the...
VR: latter...
VR: ...from the former.
HE: BY M^INT^INING ^ S^FE >IST^NCE OF COURSE!
HE: YOU SEE, THE THING ^BOUT >E^>LINES IS THE ONLY MINUTE TH^T RE^LLY M^TTERS IS THE L^ST ONE >:3

> Jump ahead to the last minute

No, there's still time!

> Explore ice caves instead

You've got to find your way out of this maze of twisty caverns if you want to be able to find a computer, install SGRUB and somehow save a caped crime-fighter's life.

It's a pity about that broken leg though.

> Use contents of captchalogue to repair artificial leg.

There's no time for that! This is a precision piece of machinery you're talking about.

If only you carried half a dozen fake limbs around with you at all times, like a sensible person.

> Use contents of captchalogue to make a splint for artificial leg.

Using a PROP SCEPTRE, a MINIATURE ARQUEBUS and a sufficient application of DUCT TAPE, you cobble together a crude splint.

You have waaaaaaay too many weird hobbies.

=>

The caves are ice, a mixture of blinding white and weird crystaline patches. As you climb upwards, you notice some dark shapes in the wall as you poke aorund.

> Retrieve legs from wall

This ice is no match for your pyrokinesis!

You found the LEGGY FOSSIL!

If these are the bones of some sort of horrible primeval reptile, why is it frozen in ice?

> Excavate!

You found the FROZEN CUTTLEFISH!

How did this even get here? You think it might still be alive, so you leave it in a block of ice when you captchalogue it.

It might be useful.

=>

You found the ANCIENT CHEST!

The era of these frozen objects makes no sense at all. It appears to be locked with a combination lock.

Look at some other mystery instead.

Arcanum

05-03-2011, 03:44 AM

> Look at some other mystery instead

You are now Reztek, who unfortunately is not faced with a mystery and knows exactly what is in front of him. He has been thrown straight into the fire, missing the frying pan completely. In fact, there was no pan; only endless fire. That's how bad it is right now.

> Reztek: Observe cruxite item

In front of you an adult Troll is seated in a grand throne, all composed of blue cruxite. Still, despite the monochromatic features you recognize this particular troll. The Orchestrator described in eloquent detail that wild mane of hair, the long horns, and the mask of death painted on his face. Sitting before you is a replica of the Grand Highblood.

> Reztek: Look down

You look down and find a lute in your arms. An old court lute to be precise, with a wide, short, bent neck, and sixteen strings. Part of you prays the thing is tuned properly since it would take quite a while to bring all those strings into proper harmony. Well, at least everything is made of this blue cruxite stuff and can't actually do anything. Otherwise you would be terrified if that model of the Grand Highblood acted like the reaSCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

> Reztek: Look up

You look back up at the Grand Highblood, who has just reached down beside his throne and withdrawn a large club. The entire ordeal sounded like glass being scraped with a jagged stone. It seems the cruxite can move. And it also seems like the Grand Highblood is displeased with your stalling and the lack of music.

> Reztek: Quick! Play a song!

You attempt to think of a suitable song but fail miserably. What could you possibly play for the Grand Highblood that would keep him from killing you? And on top of that it seems you are stuck with this lute, a deviously rare instrument that you have little to no practice with. And with each passing moment the Grand Highblood grows more impatient.

> Reztek: Play the rainbow

That doesn't even make any sense!

> Reztek: IMPROVISE!

Well you really only have three choices. Death by Highblood, death by meteor, or try to play something and hope you don't die. Well, here goes nothing.

========>

You pluck a few tentative notes to get the feel for the instrument and the Highblood's grip on his club loosens fractionally, glad to see that you started playing. You attempt a few chords, one of which ends up sour but you are quick to rectify the mistake. With your confidence growing you proceed into the beginning of a ballad, thoughts spinning away as you attempt to plan and weave a web at the same time. The music starts soft and slow, though ever so slowly gaining speed as you become more familiar with the instrument and build towards the beginning of your song. The moment strikes you and you begin to sing.

You weave a tale of a rebellion formed of all parts of the hemospectrum; Trolls uniting together to throw off the oppression of the Highbloods and the Empress. You sing of their efforts, their losses, and their victories. You can tell the Grand Highblood is displeased with the direction of this song, but that was your intention as you set the stage for the true story.

A quick shift in position and fingering and the song takes a quicker, and yet more sombre, tone. The Highbloods have failed to crush the rebellion, and it is time for the Grand Highblood himself to see an end to it. Your song tells the story of his hunt, his game, his victory. He seeks out the pockets of rebels one by one and paints the walls with their blood. A rainbow road of death and despair follows in his wake as he purges the planet, his planet, of the rebellion.

========>

You prepare to continue but a thought trickles into your mind unwelcomed. How long have I been playing? How much time until the meteor hits? Against your better judgement you try to glance towards the cruxtruder. As you turn your head your fingers slip and your song falls apart too quickly for you to piece it back together. Your gaze falls down to the lute, defeated, but is quickly drawn towards the Grand Highblood as he rises from his throne. A peculiar part of your mind wonders where the stone-on-glass sound went, and guesses that first noise was deliberately made. The Highblood approaches you slowly, club in hand, wearing the same mask of grim determination.

> Reztek: Plead for your life

You resist the urge to plead for your life. That is probably just what the Highblood wants; further humiliation before your death. No you will not give him the satisfaction. The Grand Highblood raises his club slowly, drawing the moment out.

The club descends. A meteor strikes.

========>

Arcanum

05-03-2011, 11:19 PM

========>

You open your eyes and look around. Boxes piled high, game constructs strewn about, same old sub-basement; except with the notable lack of a cruxite Grand Highblood. It seems like you are still alive.

> [S] (http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/swing-of-the-clock) Reztek: Ascend

You emerge from the sub-basement and make your way to the front door. What lies beyond is a world unlike anything you�ve seen before. Your attention is first drawn to the sky, which looks like someone was haphazardly writing sheet music on the sky itself. There is no discernable order, and some lines curve into others or end abruptly or are simply cut off by other lines. Some just stop and are left blank for a while before starting anew.

As your gaze drifts across the sky you begin to notice the rest of the landscape as well. Large pyramidal metronomes float in the sky, all ticking to their own individual rhythm and refusing to find harmony with any others. The persistent ticks of the metronomes are offset by a handful of tocks that make their presence known. Your eyes shift to ground level to discover scattered buildings, some tall skyscrapers, others squat cathedrals with domed roofs, but each and every one of them still resembling a clock of some sort. And between the buildings the landscape itself is shaped like various instruments. The road leading away from your Hive appears to be oversized piano keys, and you can make out similarly oddly shaped landscape in the distance.

You can�t help but be amazed by all of it. And you can�t help but feel that you�re not alone.

Welcome to the Land of Metronome and Song.

The SSB Intern

05-11-2011, 12:06 AM

For many years after the inhabitants were swept from its surface, the scorched planet was still berated by the howling wind. But even this died in time, the gusts quieted, yet still seethed. The Avenger's adversary stolen, it was reduced to a cursing murmur.

Silence. But not peace.

Never peace.

> Vintag: Wake up.

You are now Vintag and also conscious. Geez, this prophetic dreaming hooey is really starting to weird you out.

> What prophetic dreams?

You suddenly remember that you don't ever have prophetic dreams. You wonder why in the world you were even thinking about that.

Well, you can't just stay in be-... on the floor of your common block pondering life's great mysteries. Time to rise and face the near eternal night!

Oh wait, right, your lusus is dead.

> Mourn.

The world may be ending right in front of you, but, dammit, it wouldn't be right to just leave it like this. He was your lusus.

...Tears stream down your face, but no words come out. What do you say to the giant rodent thing that spent his life protecting you?

> "Sorry."

You remove yourself from the common block, and head back to your respite block. Your grubtop is on the floor, exactly where you left it before you ran out to go get scarred for whatever remains of your life.

> Call your friends. They'll know what to do.

You proceed to have a slew of conversations that have no real need to be revisited. Alas, it seems your lusus can also be revived.

> Then that was a rather pointless expression of the troll involuntary bodily function known as "grieving".

You don't even care. This the best thing you've heard since this nightmare started. You've got a feeling that nothing bad will happen ever again, ever.

> Let's skip ahead a bit shall we?

Reztek is about to die and his kernelsprite won't sit still and face his prototyping like a real alien concentration of pure creative energy! You even have one of Reztek's drums to contain and personally chauffeur it to it's lusus destination, but it just keeps darting around the hive like a buffoon.

Despite this, you manage to herd the kernelsprite close to the entrance. It's cornered, desperate. You leap at the chance and drive your drum/cup down on it, hard. It shatters against the wall. You look around and find your prey outside. Apparently it can phase through walls.

BB: O>o yes run run to your destiny little one STOP
BB: O>o and if you ever come back STOP
BB: O>o ILL KILL YOU STOP

You impotently type the above while chucking the first heavy, spiky, dead thing you can get your cursor on.

That'll show 'em. Now to find Shelly.

>...Skip some more.

After much hurried item deployment, the alchemiter has made... no. It can't be. Extending from one of the now endless dark corners of your hive's ceiling, a taut rope travels across most of the common block. It stops at a length from you and slides through a metal hoop and downward. Your eyes follow it to its end, a cartoonishly large inertia-inversing... forge... Gog fuck it, it's an anvil.

Underneath this malicious slab of steel, there is a large pink target symbol painted on your new rug. Inside this target, there is hysterical dame with long spindly limbs. And inside this hysterical dame is a voice that could shatter 5 inch plexiglass. You were warmly introduced to this fact when the two of you locked eyes and she released a sonic wave asking for assistance.

> Who thinks up this shit?

You did. This is the first routine you and Vicki ever built and attempted. Something tells you this one doesn't have a kill switch.

You begin to walk over to the dame, ready to let loose a flurry of backhands, when a meteor rips your southern wall from its home. The rope whips out of place and the anvil plummets. You dash heroically, but slip on a banana peel that you swear must be a construct of the test, honest. Without the time to right yourself, you make do with a sweet, potassium-rich slide and snatch the dame from sure destruction. Then you notice the path ahead is full of very likely destruction. The hysterical dame screams.

>DODGE

Weaving in and out from the various bowling balls, dumbbells, and anchors, you remember that you have very little time before you become a funny little troll pancake. Obviously, you have no time to waste to crash into something and then writhe in pain afterward. So how do you get yourself out of this pickle? You swing by the nutritional cryostorage unit and pick up the w magnet. You fiddle with your new mustache ponderously while HD provides more static feedback.

> A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES

You hear the echoic rumblings before you see it stagger into view. Ah. The washing machine appears to block your path once again. Its load is unbalanced and the only thing that will relieve its vengeful spirit is to see your crumpled remains at its feet. Or someone to turn it off.

Regardless of how much you trollsonify this dead jumble of mechanics, you don't want to deal with it now. With a snappy turn, you continue your journey back down the poorly lit hallway. There's even more deathly gags and props thrown around here. They race by you, only giving the slightest tease at where they will be. You swear to every pagan space god you know that if you live, this crap is going into a fire. You also should take care of that yeti that you are fairly certain lives here.

> Retreat to your respite block.

No good. This whole side is on fire. HD blows out one of your ear drums. You double back around, yet inexplicably continue sliding.

The hazards seem to present a more real threat now. You hit a dozen of them, and bounce off the walls. You still can't seem to stop though, and you feel sick to your stomach now. Everything seems to be falling down around you.

This might be related to your hive falling down around you.

>WASHING MACHINE ROUND 2

Nope, it sputtered out in the middle of the room. Rest easy, fella. I will carry this burden for you. Speaking of which, HD must be putting on some weight or something cuz-

http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff97/The_SSB_Intern/HDCD.png

> oh jegus what is that

Suddenly, screaming sounds like a very sound plan. You thrash about, removing yourself from the two abhorrent creatures' grip. The strange hall beast jumps away while you and HD keep sliding.

And then you stop. Thank Gog.

> ...Hey, uh, you might want to look around.

Why's that? It's just more of that meteor shower outside that you're trying to save yourself from.

> ...

...Oh.

Gravity suddenly remembers that it exists and you watch as the hole that used to be your south wall ascends into the heavens. Strangely, even with the wind pounding on the back of your skull, you can still hear that piercing wail. You glance over to the dame, not the least bit hoarse. You sincerely wish you could just die with some peace and dignity. There's gotta be some way...

> Vintag.

to shut that damn mouth of hers..

> Do it.

Your hand reaches out and claws into her shoulder.

> It's the only way.

"Here's looking at you grub."

> Kiss the girl.

...You hate yourself and everything.

[S] > Enter (http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/english)

Flarecobra

05-13-2011, 01:29 PM

========>

You are now Prion.

>Be someone else.

No. You have a task.

Your server, Glissa, quickly set up all the gear needed, and explained what was needed to enter the Medium. She also highly suggested that you got yourself armed for what was to come.

>Check outside.

Everything looked normal, but the water tempeture has started to rise. And from you can figure out from other sources, meteors have been hitting the planet causing a large number of fires across the world, and the oceans are starting to feel the effects as well, starting to boil in some places. While she was setting up, you took the precausions of stocking up on some provisions, namely some fish and the cut-up lusus corpse.

There wasn't too much loose that was heavy enough to drop on the Cruxtruder, but a combonation of a large chunk of coral and a solid punch helped release the sprite.

Also, punching it kind of hurt.

> Ok, enough exposition. Get to prototyping!

Taking some advice from Glissa, you take the head of your late lusus and prepare to throw it into the sprite, but just as you toss it, a fish swims in and runs into the sprite, and in a flash of light, is absorbed by it!

Just as well, you kind of missed with the head anyway.

> See what fishsprite has to say.

Fishsprite: *Insert gibberish here*

Prion: ...

You just grab the sprite and shove in the head.

Congrats, you have have... Bonesharksprite!

>Great, now about the cruxite.

You pick up the iris-colored chunk of cruxite and the pre-punched card, noticing that there looked to be a tank of some kind on the card, and that the cruxite was the same color as your blood, you make up a totem, then swam outside to the alchomizer. Once there, you discover that it produiced 5 rather poorly-made nets, a tank, and a fish inside the tank.

>Eat fish.

You try to grab it, but it gets away at the last moment. Several times. It's a slippery bugger.

>Use nets.

You pick up the nets and examine them. They're fairly weak, and from you know from the fishertroll that you've Strifed with before in the past, you know that a fish like that can possabily rip them.... but maybe if you double-up on the nets...

Taking 4 of the nets, you double-up on them, then proceed to herd the fish to a corner.

There is a glow from above... a large meteor is coming. Even if it doesn't obliterate you right away, the heat it's generating can be enough to flash-cook you. You've got to hurry!

>Corner fish. Claim victory.

You corner the fish with one pair of nets, then as it tries to swim up to escape it, you use the other pair to trap it, completely encircling it in netting and lifting it out of the tank.

There is a flash of light as you do so.

Piron:Entry. [s] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItgsCQyPuM4)

Large, glittering coral reefs and atolls made of ruby, jade, and so on form much of the area. Islands with dazzling, multi colored sand appear from place to place. Under the water, a deep abyss can be seen that stretches unfathomable levels. The abyss seems to be letting off a large cloud of inky darkness that is slowly spreadinjg across the water. Trees with stone-like fruits are also present.

LAND OF GEMS AND REEFS

Bard The 5th LW

05-30-2011, 01:33 AM

>Vintag: Enter

All noise ceases. As the cloud like shield that saved you from the meteors washes away, so does all color. A dim light pervades the gray landscape, and the wind is even silent as it breezes through the alleyways. There is a faint grainy effect that occasionally dances across the eyes as well.

A view outside reveals a depressing landscape. Far below the building your hive rest upon, an urban wasteland lies. Badly paved roads lead to nowhere in a world of gray stone.

The KERNELSPRITE hatches behind you. The two halves reach to both DERSE and PROSPIT. A rustling is heard behind, or at least it would if this place had noise. Two rodent-like CONCRETE IMPS with scythes and claws approach from behind. Their teeth are razor sharp like a sharks. They slowly descend from behind you. You should totally turn around.

In any case, welcome to the Land of Monochrome and Hush.

========>

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

In contrast to the HERALD'S location, the Hero of Time is surrounded by constant sound of clocks and metronomes. In the midst of the overload of sound, it may be very easy to miss a few sights, like cold pair of white eyes on a dark face staring at you from the window before moving away.

It also made it rather difficult to hear other factors in the environment, like a pair of wings flapping at a quick rate. From below the platform of your hive flies a CHINA BASKILISK. The beige colored creature flies with a pair of ragged wings. It bore a bizzare, quizzical pattern of green spots that were reminiscent of a question hook. Its eyes were bug-like and reflected many different surfaces.

Its mouth smiling wide, it quickened the pace of its wings and made a mad dive for you.

========>

The HUNTER is also met with opposition almost immediately upon entering her sparkling world of gems and water. From several sides approach three ZIRCONIUM IMPS. Bearing thick shells across their backs, and skulls shaped like spades, they approached. With scythes and feline claws they reached out in attempts to make quick and fleeting strike upon her. Moving in and out there attacks were oddly coordinated. One of them even wielded a fallen Alternian SLAUGHTERFISH as a spiky club.

>Leraje: prepare for a boss fight

Best hope the MAGE OF HEART prepared during his time offscreen, because there was little time now. Amidst the small SHALE IMPS that were scattering around his suspended hive, and shrill scream filled the air.

"SCHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Yeah it sounded sorta like that. The air surrounding grew cold and breathing became difficult. A putrid smell began to fill the air and the imps began to egress in large groups. The screeching carried on as whisps of black smoke moved upwards, revealing a TAR BANSHEE. The almost translucent monster bore the scythes of the mantis, fins of the shark, and its hands had the talons of a vulture. Its face was long and contorted a hood hiding most of its ghastly face. Draped across its shadowy and stretched form were chains, not unlike Leraje's own. These linked chains echoed as the beast circled Leraje's hive, screaming all the way. In its search for the mage, it hovered directly through walls and windows. Its claws were bared and its voice was blaring.

Show him what you're made of Highb100d!

>Glissa and Nasryl: Enter already.

Ughhhh maybe later.

Flarecobra

06-06-2011, 04:02 PM

========> Explore!

You're Piron, and curiousity has gotten the better of you, and you are looking around, checking out the new surroundings. The water is far shallower then you're used to, at it's deepest it's about 50 feet deep. You stop for a moment to check out some of the unusal crystal growths when something at the surface catches your eye. It was fairly short yet sinewious, with what appeared to be shark fins on it's back.

Swimming around as low as you can go, you prepare for attack.

> Strife?

You blast up out of the water, claws at the ready and sucessfully scare the poor imp stiff. You stab down with your claws into it's iridecent body, and sucessfully pin it down. Pulling one of your arms back, you drive the claws into it's head, while dropping down to bite it's shoulder. It didn't taste good and appeared to be made of a soft crystalline material.. and that was all you got before the Imp disappeared under you. Taking a moment to wonder what happoned, a couple of splashes make you look up to see a trio of Imps approching, and they don't look happy to see you. Rolling back into a crouch, both to get into a position for a lunge, and to put a bit of distance between you and them, you make ready for a Strife.

mauve

06-08-2011, 01:40 PM

>STRIFE!!

Command invalid. Please try again.

> Strife.

Command invalid. Please try again.

> STRIFE?

Command invalid. There is nothing here to STRIFE with.

> But you just said.... but the Imps... and the... fighting.. and... WHAT

Command invalid. You cannot fight the underwater imps if you are not PIRON.

> ....but I just WAS Piron!

That was then. This is now. Do try and pay attention.

> what is this i don't even

You are now GORRMA. You are in a bit of a PICKLE.

> oh good lord please don't start with any food puns, seriously.

In retrospect, you really should have taken care of the whole HOUSE BEING ON FIRE problem before getting involved with the game. In the time it took you to GET ZEBREK INTO THE MEDIUM, the flames had pretty much managed to DEVOUR MOST OF YOUR HIVE.

>....Please tell me that "devour" wasn't an attempt at a pun. Because that sucked.

You're currently holed up in one of the lower food-storage blocks. It has a eighteen-inch thick STEEL DOOR with a superb LOCKING MECHANISM, which you have managed to LOCK YOURSELF BEHIND. You used to use this room for raising WILD ALTERNIAN SCYTHE-TOOTH KILLER DEMON HENS for those times when you had a hankering for omelettes or fried chicken. Yes, you are aware of the irony of hiding from flames in this room.

> Maybe she'll die and then we can get back to the underwater fighting.

The threat of the impending METEORIC DOOM has not escaped you either. The really disturbing part is of course that you have NO IDEA when said meteor will hit, what with you being TRAPPED UNDERGROUND in what amounted to a STEEL VAULT OF DEATH, surrounded by FLAMES with no windows and no way to ESCAPE. So yeah, you were a little nervous.

> Use a spoon to dig your way to glorious freedom.

You already tried that. Turns out, you designed your SUBTERRANIAN KITCHEN HIVE to withstand attack from rival GOURMANCERS, and you did a REALLY GOOD JOB AT IT. The walls and floors are reinforced with several inches of STEEL. Wow, kid, you never do anything halfway, do you?

> Get help.

Hmm. It seems the only way to escape METEOR-THEMED DESTRUCTION is to enter the MEDIUM. Well, it worked for ZEBREK, anyway. You fire Trollian back up and attempt to contact your SERVER PLAYER. Well, after you grab a snack you found under a box in the corner.

--omnipotentOmnivore [OO] began trolling butketHed [BH]--
OO: hey sharl
OO: sho... um....
OO: i don't mean to be a bother or anything... but um...
OO: i got zebrek in the game and now i wash thinking, maybe, um
OO: it might be a good time to get myshelf into the medium here pretty shoon.
OO: i don't mean to rush you, but there'sh a kind of... meteor...
OO: that'sh kind of looming ominoushly above my hive, counting down until my
OO: untimely doom.
OO: and i'm kind of trapped here becaushe my roof and the shurrounding foresht
OO: ish kind of... on fire.
OO: i'm really tempted to go out and roasht shome marshmallowsh, but i figure that
OO: might lead to an even more untimely death. ]:-\
BH: >_> ... yeah, ignore that thought for now. I'll throw in a free snack if you can keep your attention on the ball until we both get out of this situation. ;)
BH: But now... :cool: it's my turn.
BH: ... :confusion: Give me a few minutes. I'm just looking around your cave quickly to see what I have to work with. The more I know about your assets, the better I can serve you. :knowledge:
BH: If you can briefly run me through what you did to get Zebrek through, that will help tremendously. :crossarms: I'd rather not experiment with your goods and wellbeing. :sweatdrop:
OO: oh, okay. that'sh a good idea.
OO: well, firsht i opened this window that let me shee zebrek in hish hive.
OO: do you have that opened up yet?
OO: can you shee me?
OO: i'm the one gnawing on the pickled shquirrel carcassh right now! do you shee me?
OO: i'm waving now! well, i wash waving, until i shtopped sho i could type that i wash waving
OO: at you.

You start waving in some random direction. Tee hee. This is fun. Almost makes you forget about that whole "going to die horribly" thing!

BH: ^^ Yes, I see someone, whom I can only presume to be you. :3

Well, it seems to be working. You--- HEY!

Your delicious SQUIRREL CARCASS is pulled from your hands and starts flying around the room! You were eating that!

BH: 0.0 Oh hey, neat! I can commandeer your stuff! :3 Awesome. ^.^

The delicious squirrel is deposited on the other side of the room.

BH: Going to clear up some space, so stay there for a bit if you can. ^^;
BH: <_ <I'd rather not bump something heavy your way because I couldn't predict your movements. ^^;
BH: >_> We're a little pressed for time, so go ahead and explain the next several steps at the same time. ^^;
BH: :3 It's not like your messages are going to disappear before I get to each step. =P

Various crates and cooking utensils start flying across the room, dropped into corners or pushed up against the wall. Oh dear, you hope he's careful with that. Alternian Nitroglycerin Fish, even dried Alternian Nitroglycerin Fish, tend to be a little volatile. The tin of fish is deposited on a shelf, and a pile of wooden barrels get tossed into a corner. Oh no!

OO: ah! my filing shyshtem! you've ruined it! D-:[
OO: i had everything ordered by level of delicioushnessh!
OO: ..oh well. guessh it doeshn't really matter now that the world ish ending and shtuff. ]:-(
OO: i'm shtill pretty miffed about that. i washn't done eating shtuff in thish world yet.
OO: but anyway-- if i remember correctly, there'sh a bunch of shtuff in your SHGRUB menu
OO: that you can deploy here in my hive. shomething called an alchemiter, and shomething
OO: called a totem lathe... and... shome other shtuff i can't remember right now.
OO: jusht click and drag them into my hive. and pleashe be careful not to knock over any
OO: of my canned food itemsh when you do. shome of them are... a bit dangerous.

A can of PRESERVED NAPALM BERRIES, your favorite fruit, is slowly and delicately lowered to the floor.

BH: ... Trying to save both our hides here. Unless you have a hankering to sample how your carcass tastes seasoned with the raw juices of your innards bubbling to a broth and your flesh barbarqued crispy from the meteors. >_<

Mmm. Barbecue.

Your thoughts are interrupted by two large machines being dropped unceremoniously on the floor.

BH: There. :Crossarms: I noticed though that deploying these items seem to have expended a certain number of grists. >_>
BH: Needless to say, PLEASE don't sample them. They do seem quite expensive and we might need them for other functions. ^^;
BH: ^^ Ah, I think I might have found my place in the guide. Apparently there is a cruxtruder and a Punch Designix. They both look pretty big. You got another room for me to place them both? ~.~
OO: ummmmmmmmmmmmmm
OO: oh! over there!
OO: thoshe cratesh there should be okay to move around. they jusht contain breadcrumbsh.
OO: .....
OO: at leasht i THINK they contain breadcrumbsh.
OO: it'sh either that or my old roach farm. i did leave that down here all thoshe shweepsh OO: ago...
OO: well, either way, it should be safe enough to move without... y'know... killing me.
OO: unlessh the roachesh have evolved to a level where they can develop new and more
OO: advanced weaponry.
OO: again. ]:-(
OO: .......
OO: sharl are you sure I can't jusht take a little bite out of any of thish shtuff?
OO: that cruxtruder thingie sure looksh tashty....
BH: >_< It'll be the last thing any of us will ever taste if you do. >_<
BH: Seriously, don't do it.
BH: ^^ BTW, I'll do you a special favor at no charge. ^^

With a loud CRUNCH, a machine is dropped directly on top of the crate. ...your roaches.....

BH: :3: Roach Extermination Service, compliments of your friendly local merchant! No need to thank me! ^.~
BH: ANYHOW! :crossarms: All the devices seem to be deployed. So... What comes next? My guide kinda points to the Cruxtruder being the first one needing activation...
OO: ....i raised thoshe roachesh myshelf from the time they were larvae.
OO: but anyway. i guessh they were already doomed from, y'know, the meteorsh and all.
OO: okay. cruxtruder. how do we... uh....

You poke the cruxtruder with a spatula, trying to remember what to do. Something about....

OO: oh right. we need to hit thish with shomething heavy sho the hungry light can come out.
BH: Hungry... Light... right... @_@

An industrial-strength dishwasher is ripped from its foundation and is hurled across the room. It impacts with the CRUXTRUDER, and the KERNELSPRITE emerges. It hovers above the machine, flickering in a SEIZURE-INDUCING kind of way.

BH: Ah, so that's the light in question... By hungry I guess you mean that you can throw stuff into it? Does that do anything important?
BH: Or does it have to be a specific type of item? >_< Ugh, so many questions... I hope I don't have to feed it anything expensive...
OO: yesh! that'sh the hungry light! i call it hungry cuz it eatsh thingsh.
OO: here watch.

What do you want to use?

>Gorrma: Throw Basil.

Oh right! Basil, the Unfortunate Cyclops doll! It's about time the poor little guy got some of the spotlight. Ever since you ATE his left button-eye, PARSLEY and PESTO have been getting all the attention. Well, up until the point where PESTO got deep-fried and PARSLEY got eaten by a giant goat, but, y'know.

You grab the TOY and are about to throw it into the light--

OO: oh! wait wait wait, no, i almosht forgot!!

You drop the TOY and open your CHEF MODUS.

OO: caoway shaysh we can put our lushii into the hungry lightsh and they'll come back to
OO: life. we were going to try it with zeb'sh lushush, but we couldn't reach it. sho...
OO: i guessh nommington will have to be our proverbial laboratory tesht-rodent.
OO: i hope thish worksh. i really want to shee him again.
OO: i missh him sho much. he wash my besht friend.
OO: ... pleashe come back, nommie.

And with that lame-ass declaration (you really should have rehearsed that), you toss NOMMINGTON'S CORPSE into the kernelsprite.

Overcast

06-11-2011, 12:41 AM

>Nommingsprite: CONSUME GORRMA.

You are not Nommingsprite. You are not a sprite at all! You are that strange little troll with the mechanized shipwall that you've recently fused with your lusus.

>Huh?

You are Leraje.

>Oh, alright wasn't he getting attacked?

You cover your ears in annoyance staring over your shoulder, a light cough pushing from your chest as the putrid air contaminated your squeedilyspooch or whatever it is you weird aliens breathed with. Your lususprite hovered over your shoulder, still fresh off of his hug addiction and greater than or equal to as annoyed as you were with EVERYTHING. Yet with this at least he could resist that sickening urge to hug and spoke to you with clear intentions.

Seymoursprite: Are you just going to let that thing breath our air or are you going to make me kill it?
Leraje: I'm on...it.
Seymoursprite: Good.

Seymoursprite followed behind you, as you pulled a long chain from your strife deck, wrapping it around one hand and spinning a length at the other. You stared around for the creature, not really understanding what alien culture had invented the mythology that the name of the monster was based on. Nor about how its wailing around the house was supposed to signal your death.

You weren't concerned about your death. As long as Seymour was on your side you were sure you could take anything this world could throw at you.

You were about to find out if that was true.

>Leraje: STRIFE!

You saw it swinging around the corner screaming all the while, you tried not to breathe, your eyes watering just a bit as you threw one end of the chair toward it. Trying to catch the damn thing around the neck and shut it up for a minute.

Intern Nin

06-11-2011, 01:40 AM

> Leraje: Be the dog.

You are now Quartz Terrier #3, a canine mold minion with mantis prototyping, and today is the day of your birth! It was only a few hours ago that were born into this world, completely blind and with a voracious craving for troll flesh. You, along with your tube brothers, were promptly charged the most important task a minion could undertake: the harassment and, if at all possible, destruction of the Hero of Waves.

At the moment you and your compatriots are circling the hero's domicile, trying to pinpoint the little bastard's location. You have the little moron's scent with your twitchy antennae before your pick up his voice. It seems that he's standing in the first level of the hive, talking to his goofy sounding guide. Gog, your mouth is watering. You can practically taste his delicious, crunchy horns which you imagine must be like the sweetest candy.

You and your brood can't wait to chow down.

> QT3: Search for a sanctioned entry point.

You smell around until you find a group of holes punched into the side of the shack. There's only a small amount of material keeping this from being one big gaping hole, you could break through it easily.

>QT3: Let out a bone-chilling pre-murder intimidation bark

Woof.

> oh yesssssss
> they released them bout fuckin time

> Caoway: Realize just how boned you are.

You are Caoway once again. It dawns on you just how ill-equipped you are and how many holes the strife with the imps have left in the walls of your hive. Invasion is imminent. You dual-wield the two weapons in your possession that you can stand using and also don't liken you to a trigger-happy douchebag.

> only one thing that tastes like bacon
> your fat useless limbs they gonna breakin
> off in their teeth meat so sweet
> hounds
> uh
> damn where was i going with that

> ID: Where were you going with that?

You. Don't. KNOW!

Argh! Stupid stupid stupid dumb! This lack of music is just murdering your ability to lay dope beats!How could you mess up in front of your hated enemy? He's gonna be laughing his butt off at your e-rap-tile dysfunction while those hounds devour him. Okay, he probably won't be dying any time soon. The sage you knew would never be taken down by some measly x3 prototyped fuck-heads. Okay, just withdraw for now and come back stronger.

> die a horrible death ill be back in few

Yeah, that's good. Now what?

> ID: type => HOME.

Done and d-Oh god! Why is the station shaking?

> QT3: Do the window thing.

You are the dog and you have just taken a flying leap through the hive wall, creating a new window in the process. You sail through the air, on a direct course toward your tar-

SMAAAASH!

Your course has been reversed, by way of a home run oar/rod strike combo. It was a hell of a hit, but your health vial barely drops at all. You hit the ground on all fours with a skid and rush back into the fray, mouths agape and snarling.

> Beechiesprite: Intervene.

You cannot be Beechiesprite, only Beechiesprite can be Beechiesprite. He does however decide to put some space between his ward and the would-be assassin. A cruxite flounder materializes, filling up the hole. The hound hits it with a loud thump that shakes the whole hive but the fish holds.

Cruxite sea life: 1
Halfwits: 0

> Caoway: Kick fish aside and go finish the job.

No way.

It would be foolhardy for even as hardy a fool as yourself to try and face such foes with just the meager armaments in your possession. You direct your lusus-sprite to the other holes and ask him to batten down the hatches. Your only hope right now is to somehow buy time to contact Leraje and get the crafting equipment installed.

What's that noise coming from upstairs?

> Caoway: Seek out the disturbance.

You rush up the stairs and through the door of your respiteblock. You're met by the front half of a crystalline canine with some very Beechie like forelimbs sticking out of the hole left by the blunderbuss. It woofs at you. Menacingly.

> Caoway: Get that Shih tzu out of here!

ACCOST!

You snare the thermal hull with your rod-and-reel and chuck it at the son of a bitch. The hull shatters into a explosion of harden protein, slime, and cadavers. The terrier is knocked back slightly and takes a small drop in it's health vial. It really didn't like that. However, before it has a chance to retaliate, a giant green cigar appears out of nowhere and rams its burning end into the terrier's face.

The hound recoils backward and slips out of the hole completely. Beechiesprite promptly seals the hole with a cruxite grouper.

> Caoway: High five Beechiespite and initiate victory interpretive dance.

Too soon for that. Your enemies have only been momentarily halted in their campaign to utterly destroy you and you know it. You do, however, give a word of thanks to your ghost custodian and he responds in his usual dope-ish yet endearing manner, saying that that is what he is here for. Enough pleasantries, you need to get down to business. First order-

> Caoway: Contact meddler.

You need better equipment. Judging from the weird appearances of these latest aggressors, Leraje must have entered. Time to bust out the GrubPDA and troll your good-for-nothing server till he squawks like an imbecilic waddle fowl and drops some new artifacts in your hive.

melancholicChumly [MC] started trolling absentPsychologist [AP]

MC: Ahoy, remember me?
MC: I'm S\till here an/) S\till lackinG\ S\ome vital /)eviceS\.
MC: That haS\n't en/)e/) it'S\ tenure of beinG\ a thinG\ that iS\ currently happeninG\.
MC: �
MC: Lera/je.
MC: �
MC: �...
MC: ..........
MC: �.........
MC: �............
MC: G\oG\ /)amn it, OrobaS\.
MC: I know you're there an/) S\afely in the me/)ium.
MC: Are you G\oinG\ to /)o your /job or are you /juS\t G\oinG\ to S\it there an/) watch me type ellipS\iS\ while the houn/)S\ cloS\e in?
MC: Well touG\h pollock.
MC: No more ellipS\iS\ for you.
MC: jsERH9GFTw4hjioe5nstrho
MC: iaweruopasrnu4rtyuw4bu4het0pi
MC: etrgtnjt6ue76yke57es7yk47wruioqgtouwopbnq34uonasdu ofnfWEITH9O5UBGQ
MC: uoriagoenhj5oinjhpei5mhy
MC: hjorauiehg0pe4i9hjgoaingopw4nmitpwtihjnmwrpiohjmZS

========>

In the heat of your furious screen jabbing, you accidentally click on your friend's position on the Trollian time-line. A new window pops. It's a viewport showing a distraught Leraje weeping over what you recognize to have once been Seymour. It looks like he's trying rip his horns out.

========>

�

========>

MC: Leraje, I am so sorry.

melancholicChumly [MC] has ceased trolling absentPsychologist [AP]~

You close the Trollian window and slump down to the floor.

> Caoway: Don't despair.

Of course you won't. Despair is for people who aren't trapped in a crumbling structure on a spire in the middle of a vast uncharted ocean and also being circled by giant ravenous dogs made of rock who are out for blood. Still, you don't think you can bring yourself to ask Leraje to play unseen, omnipotent butler to you right now. You're left with only one other option: look around your hive and make use of the items on hand.

[S (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJS7LNQ-MuM&feature=related)]> Caoway: Inspect room.

That wave really did a number on this place, it's an even bigger Methane Boar mud wallowing pit than it was before. Everything in here that's not a game construct is knocked over, partially broken, and soaking wet. Where do you begin your search?

> Caoway: Search Troll Andy Griffith's pants.

Against all better judgment and higher think-pan functions, you decide the best way to start your search is by digging around in some dead guy's sla- No way. You may not have a whole lot of schoolfeeding under your belt, but that doesn't make you a brain-dead sicko. Try again.

> Caoway: Search through the bags of candy horns.

You reach deep and come up with nothing more than a hand-full of some sickeningly sweet and incredibly ancient confectioneries.

> Caoway: Imbibe several bags of candy horns.

Yech, no. You don't even like eating good sweets.

> Caoway: Hide two candy horns in hat.

For some strange reason, you feel compelled to take the some of this awful candy that you hate with you. Rather than fiddle with the sylladex, you stow two irregularly shaped pieces in your hat.

> Caoway: Search bookshelf.

You approach the shelf. Only minutes ago, Leraje had presumably dumped the contents of it into the ocean and promptly replaced them. Although, upon closer inspection, there appear to be a few volumes missing. He probably didn't have enough time to retrieve all of them what with the entrance test and all. Eh, they were just some of your earliest journals. No big loss. Your handwriting was just plain awful back then anyway.

Well, aside from your own contributions to the literary world, you spot a few books of interest: Mother Grub's Not-Fairy Tales, a photoskin album, TC Archives: AquaTroll vol.1, The Big Wet Thing That You Are Not Allowed To Even So Much As Touch, and Troll Harry Anderson's Wise Grub.

> Caoway: Inspect Mother Grub's Not-Fairy Tales.

You crack open the book written for wrigglers and look through. It's been sweeps since you read this one, but you still smile a little when you see the lovely illustration of a purple troll in spotted pants holding a bard's head in his hand. You fondly recall many a night trapped in the doldrums spent reading these tales by the moonlight. Wonderful classics like Pupa Pan, The Blind Prophets, An Old Kroy Blueblood in the Grand Highblood's Court, A Hopeless Prince, the Man on the Green Moon, and The Monarch and the Pawns.

> Caoway: Read The Monarch and the Pawns.

No, you really don't have the time to read the whole story, which is easily the longest in the book. This isn't really a problem since you, like ever other troll on this planet, already know it by heart anyways. The story goes like this: Centuries ago, the Empress was chosen by Gl'bgolyb after braving the trial caverns and used the power of her lusus and its spawn to subjugate the land-dwellers. She is met with defiance in the form of lower-caste Maritime Lifeform Reapers slaughtering the horrorterrors and a fellow sea-dweller trying to usurp the throne. In the end though, she overpowers her adversaries and stomps them into the ground with the help of her loyal subjects; The dashing and mysterious Baron, and the monstrous and hornless Conquisterminator. The whole of trollkind is under her thumb and bluh bluh it gets kind of dull after that part.

This isn't a work of fiction by the way, the stories in this book are 100% true. The way all good stories should be.

> Caoway: Glance through album.

It's an album with very few photoskins in it. This is because you prefer to write about where you have been rather than simply click a image capturing chamber. The only photos in here are of you and Beechie at Disembowel Land and a few of your friends at their hives.

�

You decide then and there that if you live through this you are going to get a group photoskin of Team Fortress for this album.

> Caoway: Peruse Aquatroll vol.1.

You peer into this collection of one of the oldest illustrated periodicals in history. It's loaded from cover to cover with Aquatroll's first incredibly hookey adventures of undersea heroics. Here's one about his origins: Aurthor Curry was a seatroll hatched with inexplicable yellow blood. Upon seeing this, his would-be lusus tossed him out into a strong current which carried the wriggler to a rocky shore where he was found by a chloraebear without a ward and raised as a land-dweller. Still he shows a great affinity for the water as he grows up and eventually learns of his heritage. He returns to the sea and takes his rightful place as a ruler. From then on, he uses his mutant abilities to make the sea safe for both low-bloods and high-bloods alike.

Of course, this changed once purple-bloods took over TC and made it so Aquatroll was always a purple blood and a complete asshole to all land-dwellers.

> Caoway: �The Big Wet Thing That You Are Not Allowed To Even So Much As Touch?

It a big book about the ocean; how to tell the weather forecast at sea, a map of major currents, and the effect the moons' positions have on tides. The title is a warning to stay out of it since that's royal territory. You never heeded that warning.

> Caoway: Pour over Troll Harry Anderson's Wise Grub.

This is one you checked out from the librarchivery sweeps ago and have no intention of returning. Alternian late fees are collected in blood after all. You glance through the book, thinking that it may help you become a wiser troll. It turns out that this thing is just filled with a bunch of dumb tales of a guy gushing over another guy of much shorter stature who likes silly card tricks. Well, that was dumb. This book's title was totally misleading. You don't feel the least bit wiser having read it. What a complete waste of time.

Actually, it begins to dawn on you that all the book reading you done just now has not helped you become better armed and has been a complete waste of time. Way to go numbglobes.

> Caoway: Gather up bodies and make a bed.

You gather up all the sopping wet bodies and make a pile that you could use to sleep on. This also a wastey waste of your precious time.

> Caoway: Search chests.

You make your way over to the toppled chest pile and pop them open. You find (1) ship in a bottle, (1) large turtle shell, (1) hotcomb, (1) jar of very old mind honey, (1) sweater with your old anchor letter on it, and (1) spare sailing canvas. You captchalogue these items causing the cup and clanger and taxidermy kit to be washed out of your sylladex. You allocated the blunderbuss to your strife specibus and retrieve the treasured momento.

> Caoway: This is all you have to work with?

It would appear so.

> Caoway: Why is everything you own junk?

This stuff isn't junk! All of these items are your treasures and mementos of past adventures. But yeah you can see how they wouldn't be much help in a situation like this. Actually, you used to have a lot of useful weapons and items but as you said before, you were pressed for space. So you decided to do what the ancient seafaring gamblignants did when they had too much shit and didn't know what to do with it: bury it in someplace where no one will find it and come back to dig it up later. So you stuffed the more useful artifacts in chests and buried them on your friends property without their knowledge. And a few random places too. In hindsight, you should have gone out and retrieved some of those things before you abandoned planet.

> Caoway: Realize that CYMOPOLEIA'S TREASURARY was unlocked this whole time.

Wouldn't that be convenient? But sadly, no. The chest remains locked and no amount brute force will ever open it.

> Caoway: Go to desk.

Not really much of a desk anymore. It's been broken to pieces, probably from the huge wave that hit your hive.

> Caoway: Go to husktop.

Much like the desk, this piece of equipment has seen better, more intact days. Judging from the powdery little fingerprints on the wreckage, you doubt the wave was responsible for the destruction of this particular piece of hardware. Gog, you hate imps.

> Caoway: Make a fort out of the desk.

You don't think that it would make a very good fort and also that that would be a monumentally stupid thing to do.

> Caoway: Check desk drawer.

You pull out the drawer and find several spools of razor sharp steel fishing line! You have never been so glad that you were tricked into buying a whole box of something from Sharl! You perform some simple sylladex alchemy with the regular Pole-and-Line and make a new Steel Line Fishing Pole!

========>

With this, your offensive capabilities have been tremendously augmented! Now you stand a much a better chance of surviving a strife with those stone c-Hey, you're being messaged.

> Caoway: Answer.

eloquentOrchestrator [EO] began trolling melancholicChumly [MC]

EO: f823njD
EO: That Will Come In haNdy lAter
EO: ConsIderIng hOw paThetIc yoU are I thiNk yoU couLd usE all The hElp yOu caN get

eloquentOrchestrator [EO] ceased trolling melancholicChumly [MC]

MC: Huh?
MC: What iS\ that an/) what'S\ with the S\pite all of a S\u/)/)en?
MC: What /)i/) I /)o?
MC: /jerk.

What was that about? Eh, who cares what that OCD snob has to say? Right now you should- Another one? Oh no, not that royal pain in the sitting cleft again.

> Caoway: Answer royal pain.

caligulasAquarium [CA] started trolling melancholicChumly [MC]~

CA: alright you airsuckin pug todays the day
CA: im taking back wwhats mine and sending your wworthless carcass to davvy jones locker
CA: gutstabber reef two hours and elevven minutes from noww be there or ill track you dowwn and slaughter you anywway
CA: wwere doin this chumbucket wwere makin it happen
MC: I /)on't believe thiS\.
CA: oh you can believve it the shit thats goin dowwn right noww is more real than kraft grub sauce wwhich makes it as real as magic is fake
MC: G\oo/) G\oG\/)amn G\rief.
CA: oh wwhats a matter it finally dawwn on you just how right fucked you are
MC: No, I /juS\t /)on't know where to S\tart with all thiS\ crappie you /)umpe/) on my /)eck.
MC: S\o I'm not G\oinG\ to.
CA: not goin to wwhat
MC: /)eal with any of thiS\.
MC: I'm buS\y an/) I /)on't have the time to play out your erotic blackrom fantaS\y.
MC: An/) even if I /)i/)n't loathe that type of romance an/) it were phyS\ically poS\S\ible for me to make it to G\utS\tabber reef, I woul/)n't.
MC: Because I hate you.
CA: wwell yeah i knoww that thats why im makin the challenge see
MC: What I mean iS\ that you're an ahole, I /)eS\piS\e you, an/) want nothinG\ to /)o with you.
MC: Why iS\ that S\uch a har/) concept for you noble barnacle bliS\terers to un/)erS\tan/)?
CA: you dare take that tuna of vvoice with me a black solicitation from a royal is fuckin honor for someone like you
MC: Then take it to S\omeone who appreciateS\ thiS\ S\ort of BS\.
MC: S\omeone who'S\ not me.
CA: look wwe don't havve play this silly game i knoww you got some real pitch feelins for me and ivve alwways wwanted to see you crushed beneath my heel
CA: and since zots kicked it and me and that dirtspider are takin a break i thought wwe could explore our relationship a little more
MC: What.
CA: but I get it if todays really a bad day for you then wwe can reschedule
CA: i wwant to make this wwork cao
CA: howw does tomorroww sound
MC: Are you crazy?
MC: I /juS\t S\ai/) I /)on't fuckinG\ want to have anythinG\ to /)o with you!
MC: An/) you think tellinG\ me that you're makinG\ thiS\ a/)vance becauS\e you /juS\t broke up an/) happene/) to notice/) that the perS\on who you thouG\ht waS\ my kiS\meS\iS\ iS\ /)ea/) iS\ G\oinG\ to win me over?
CA: wwait so you wwerent invvolvved with zot
MC: No, much like you, the only black relationS\hip I ha/) with him waS\ in hiS\ hea/).
CA: so wwhy are you mad at me then wwhats the fuckin problem
MC: The problem iS\ that you're inS\ane!
MC: The ocean iS\ boilinG\ an/) /)ryinG\ up aroun/) you, an/) here you are tryinG\ to make me fill a reboun/) S\pa/)e pail with you!
CA: wwhoa did i say anythin about pails i dont think i did
CA: lets take things sloww and see wwhere they go first alright cao
MC: You craze/) S\on of bichir, you're not even liS\teninG\ to me, are you?
CA: hey youre the one wwhos not fuckin listenin here i already told you that wwe should cut it with this koi bullshit
CA: i knoww that you got some real hatred and maybe even a little respect for me otherwwise you nevver wwould havve stolen my shirt and wworn it yourself
MC: I never wore your S\hirt, you loon!
MC: I /juS\t emblazone/) your S\tupi/) letter on my S\weater aS\ a trophy an/) act of /)efiance aG\ainS\t S\ocial conventionS\.
MC: Or S\ome S\uch bilG\e that I thouG\ht waS\ neat when I waS\ younG\ an/) S\tupi/).
CA: right as a taunt because you wwanted me to come after you and here I am
MC: Which part about �I /)on't to be your kiS\meS\iS\ S\o fuck off� /)o you not G\et?
CA: wwait do you really mean that your feelins for me arent black
MC: YES.
CA: so then the reason you took my shirt wwas because theyre more of ruddy shade
MC: Why am I tryinG\ to reaS\on with a crazy perS\on.
CA: wwell sorry cao but im flushed red for someone else and lets be fuckin honest here youre not exactly matesprit material

melancholicChumly [MC] has blocked caligulasAquarium [CA]~

Being part of that conversation physically hurt your sole. You mean soul. Why does this keep happening?

> Caoway: Throw sweater down in disgust.

DONE.

Gog, you've had up to HERE with higher bloods and misconstrued romantic advances today. If you so much as see one more person of royal lineage/would be suitor, just sort of jutting out and being regal/trying to woo you, you're going to go cherry apeship apocalypse right up into the face of Skaia. It'll be goddman lift off into an insane flying corkscrew hay-maker the likes of which the medium has never seen before. The maneuver will from then on be written of in story and in song. The effects of this feat will ripple through the fabric of reality itself. An entire planet of ancient wisemen will up and die, and the Empress herself will call up and say she wants to fill up a bucket with you, setting you off once more. You'll be trapped in an endless cycle of stupidity and spastic gymnastics and there will be no hope of escape.

This is your eternity.

> Caoway: Get trolled.

Here we go.

You proceed to have this conversation here (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1116065&postcount=56) until she gets flustered and ends it. You feel like you should give her a hard time about this.

> Caoway: Be the troller.

You do just that and give her a taste of her own medicine, somewhat. Really, you're just glad that you could apologize properly and help her out. That is what the troll disease called bein' friends is about, you guess. Of course if what she said is true, she's not the only one whose lusus has died.

> Caoway: Lurk on memos.

You look on the memos of your team and the opposition and find that Glissa was correct.

> Caoway: Create new memo.

You start writing a new memo which goes as follows:

CURRENT melancholicChumly [CMC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board TEAM FORTRESS OF WIN-
CMC: Thank you all for cominG\.
CMC: ThiS\ iS\ a memo /)e/)icate/) to a/)/)reS\SinG\ a very S\eriouS\ epi/)emic, one that iS\ affectinG\ memberS\ of both teamS\.
CMC: After rea/)inG\ memoS\ on both team bulletin boar/)S\, it'S\ come to my attention that our luS\ii are /)yinG\.
CMC: I /)on't know why thiS\ iS\ happeninG\.
CMC: It coul/) be a function of the G\ame.
CMC: Or /juSt S\ome crazy coS\mic coinci/)ence.

You pause for a second to rest your message-weary fingers and sigh a bit. Beechiesprite floats over and gives you a concerned look. Or at least what looks like a concerned look, hard to tell with those glasses and eyebrows.

> Caoway: Consult Beechiesprite.

BEECHIESPRITE: duh whats the mat-ter caoway
CAOWAY: It'S\ my frien/)S\.
CAOWAY: All of their luS\ii are dyinG\.
BEECHIESPRITE: oh
BEECHIESPRITE: well thats sup-posed to hap-pen
CAOWAY: Huh?
BEECHIESPRITE: no one save for the players are al-lowed to enter the medium
BEECHIESPRITE: other living be-ings that come here or would come here a-ny-ways
BEECHIESPRITE: like the guar-di-ans of the players
BEECHIESPRITE: are always killed
CAOWAY: S\o, their /)eathS\ were a part of the G\ame?
BEECHIESPRITE: um thats one way to put it
BEECHIESPRITE: its more like
BEECHIESPRITE: whats killing them is what the game it-self is a part of
BEECHIESPRITE: duh sorry i cant be more clear than that
BEECHIESPRITE: but i dont understand it very well myself
BEECHIESPRITE: being a sprite has granted me a lot more know-ledge
BEECHIESPRITE: but it hasnt made me any smar-ter
CAOWAY: It'S\ okay, you tol/) me more than enouG\h.
CAOWAY: I now know that there'S\ no S\toppinG\ thiS\.
CAOWAY: But there iS\ S\till somethinG\ I can /)o to help.

> Caoway: Finish memo.

CMC: But the fact remainS\, we alrea/)y have S\everal luS\ii /)ea/) an/) after conS\ultinG\ with my S\prite I believe the reS\t of them may not have much lonG\er.
CMC: There iS\ a S\ilver lininG\ in all of thiS\ thouG\h.
CMC: The kernel S\prite, one of the G\ame'S\ functionS\.
CMC: When it'S\ prototype/) with the remainS\ of S\omethinG\ that waS\ once livinG\, the creature iS\ revive/) in the form of a S\prite.
CMC: Our luS\ii can live aG\ain.
CMC: I woul/) like to G\ive one wor/) of warninG\ thouG\h.
CMC: After Beechie, my luS\uS\, waS\ prototype/) alonG\ with a pair of G\roucho G\laS\S\eS\, the enemieS\ I face/) poS\S\eS\S\e/) larG\e clawS\, S\abre-teeth, an/) S\ome very, very reS\ilient face wear.
CMC: Whatever you prototype the kernel S\prite with, our enemieS\ take on it'S\ attributeS\.
CMC: S\o I woul/) adviS\e aG\ainS\t thoS\e of you with an eS\pecially monS\terouS\ luS\uS from prototypinG\ them...
CMC: But it'S\ not really my call to make.
CMC: You /)o what you feel iS\ riG\ht.
CMC: S\o, cheer up everyone.
CMC: ThinG\S\ will G\et better.

You finish typing that and send out the links to all of the players, as well as leaving a message on both of the current memos, just in time for you to hear something break outside the entryway of the RESPITEBLOCK.

CMC: I'm G\oinG\ to S\iG\n off now becauS\e there iS\ a S\warm of impS\ cominG\ up the S\tairS\.
CMC: Feel free to use thiS\ S\pace for whatever inane thinG\ you woul/) like to /)iS\cuS\S\.
CURRENT melancholicChumly [CMC] ceased responding to memo-

> Caoway: Suit up.

You put on your old anchor sweater, which was several sizes too large for you when you were younger, but fits you perfectly. Looks like you finally molted into it.

> Caoway: Kick open the door and go give them hell!

You bust open the door with a strong kick and are met with the gaping double-maw of Quartz Terrier #2 poking in from a newly created hole in the side of the hive, who promptly moves to sink his fangs into your outstretched leg.

> Caoway: Auto-Parry.

You're too slow. The hound bites your leg tightly and jerks its head back, yanking you off of your foot and out of the hive. It releases your leg, sending you into upward spiraling aerial maneuver the likes of which have never been seen in the medium before.

> Other Troll: Enter.

The SSB Intern

06-11-2011, 08:54 PM

> Other Troll: Enter.

You enter the lobby of the torn down skyscraper, after a few moments of reasonable hesitation. Even you and your messed up eyes can see that no individual who stills claims any semblance of sanity would ever attempt to live here. Regardless, you march on, knowing that it is your duty as a Delivery Hag that every package shall meet its-oops hit a wall.

> Delivery Hag: Examine wall

It's just your normal sort of brick and mortar wall full of normal sort of graffiti written with normal sort of troll blood. They tell you to leave, but you assure them that you are a tyrannically appointed muffin squacker. They aren't quite sure how to respond to that, represented by the lines of ellipses retreating down the far end of the room. You follow them until a shiny something catches your eye. Carved into the wall, much younger than the building, rests a wide silver box ordained with big, fancy letters. VS, it says.

> What ho? A mailbox! Shall you feed it?

The box thanks you heartily for the tasty package, and you skip home. Later, the young female troll who resides there will be delighted to find that her package had arrived after much delay. This particular item is a piece of paraphernalia from a bygone era, made to cash in on the popularity of a celebrity living at the time. She was never quite sure how a pan would be related to a lateral locoshuttle robber who made a fortune selling his story as a hokey tale of heroism to a film company, but she didn't care. All that matters is that it is old and it is hers. Look, it even comes with a little certificate of authenticity.

> Ooooh. What's it say?

By inspection of Alternian Bureaucratrice of Silly Knick-Knacks, this "Deadpan" has been deemed neither a reproduction or a fake, and is composed only of the remains of Casaro B'omine.

> ==>

The troll looks inquisitively at the pan-shaped piece of charred corpse in her hand.

> BLUH!!

She shrugs, then returns to her hive to make an omelette.

========>

MEANWHILE IN THE PRESENT

> Vintag: Enter.

You do not know what it is you're supposed to be entering at the moment as you are rather preoccupied with falling to your death and making out with game constructs. Or you were, up until the weird dame disappeared. At least this whole dying business should be a lot more pleasant without having to hear her screaming and crying and what not.

Actually, you can't hear anything.

> Stop falling.

*DOOF*

You have landed and are now on top of a floating pile of hats. This surprises you a fair bit, and you turn around and see a fully hatched sprite, prototyped with your lusus and your "dead" washing machine.

> Vintag: tearful reunion

Vintag:...
Vickisprite:...
Vintag:...!
Vickisprite:.....
Vintag:.....
Vickisprite:...
Vintag:...
Vickisprite:...
Vintag:.....
Vickisprite:.....
Vintag:...
Vickisprite:.................................
Vickisprite:.....
Vickisprite:.......
Vintag:.....-
Vintag:....
Vickisprite:.........................:)
Vintag: O>o well that was informative STOP

> I'm sorry, what was that?

You jump off the hat pile and head towards the entrance. If Vicki's right, there'll be more pissed off, ugly monstrosities coming to kill you than that time you tried to do the Aristocrats act and you forgot the toilet seat cover. In fact, if you were to turn around right now you would see two concrete imps ready to rip/claw you to shreds. But turning around is for losers, so forget it. The only important thing to you is getting back up to your hive and changing into something more befitting a lady.

You mean... What?

> Yes, you positively need to put on something decent. You look like a common street urchin wearing those rags.

But... you like this hat.

> And your grotesque shambling has got to go as well. Do you have a book handy? And by book, I don't mean your paperback penny Dersian Bible. A real book, with a hardcover to improve your posture or to beat you with until you start to approximate a proper gait.

Yeah, you have a book. It's called Shut Your Stupid Trap You Bushwa Ethel!!

The imp behind you takes offense to this. He thinks that you are talking to him. Your words make him feel like his opinions do not matter. A single cement tear rolls down his stony cheek.

> Oh, look, it thinks it's clever! I can see your manners match your appearance.

You scream and wave your fists around. This could be a while.

> Be someone who's not having a psychotic breakdown.

Flarecobra

06-11-2011, 11:25 PM

> Be someone who's not having a psychotic breakdown.

You're now Piron, who was just ambushed.

>[S] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7qcJwJfyyk) Finally. STRIFE!

You have 3 imps around you.

IMP 1: Shelled back from Reztek's prototyping. Heart skull. Arms and claws like Beechie, Caoway's sealion.

IMP 2: Large mean ol set of chompers from Sharksprite. Shark Fin going down the back, and Scythe arms from Strize. Spade Torso.

Imp 3: Arms are sort of webbed, like a manta's fin. Goat horns. Buggy compound eyes. The fins look REALLY sharp. Skin does not look pleasant to the touch either. Weilds a stiff-looking fish.

> Why do that? Can't ya make a picture or something?

You lack the artistic talent to do that.

Imp 1 came in with a clawing attack, to which you respond to with a stab of your own claws, catching the now-surprised Imp in his claw, and flung him into the other charging Imp, knocking them down. The Third Imp seems to be hanging back, letting the other two wear you out, perhaps he's the leader of this small band?

You can make a break for the water now, where you'll be faster and more comfertable, or you can press your attack.

> Head to the water.

You head into the water, ready to face them if they come after you. There were two splashes, as the third and second imps came in after you. The second one proved to be a deft swimmer, but seems to be attempting to bite you. A clawed uppercut showed the futility of that... until it brought it's scythe-like claws down on you. You try to twist out of the way, and end up losing a bit of hair and the back of your clothes got ripped a bit. With it's limbs lowered, you give it a swift punch to the face, stabbing deep with your claws, and the Imp exploded into Grist.

The final Imp smiled, and started to slowly circle around you in a lazy arc. After a moment, you got fed up with waiting for it, and you rush in. It swung it's fishy club in a mannor to allow it to block and parry your attack, and answers your clawing attack with a slash of his own fin. You give it a knee, but it's rough skin also scrapes you knee a bit. The smell of blood is starting to drift out into the water, and you nose catches it, which fuels up your blood. You take a few jabs, which the imp parries, except for the last one, where you grabbed the fish and pulled on it, tearing it out of the imp's grasp. The Imp had a look of dismay, as you started to stab into it's body while it tried to grab at the fish. Now impaled on your claws, you start to rip into it's body when suddonly it explodes into grist like the other... along with a green card-looking thing. Giving it a look over, you decide to file it away for later, along with the fishclub as well.

> Do a victory dance.

No, you got some clothing you need to replace, and need to find shelter so you can heal up some. Not to mention you got some questions to ask.

> Fine. Let's spin the wheel and see who the next troll we'll be is.

Bard The 5th LW

06-26-2011, 12:34 AM

>Leraje: STRIFE!

The waling beast left itself wide open in its hunt, and the MAGE did not let the opportunity pass by him. With a strong swing of his arm the metal-linked weapon snapped forward and coiled around the specter's neck.

This did indeed seem to quiet the enemy. The scream suddenly became muffled, and smoke began to cease emanating from its large maw. A small portion of its HEALTH VIAL dropped immediately, and an even smaller fraction of that began to drain due to the cut off breathing activities. It flipped around in a 180, eyes livid with anger. Not even waiting for Leraje to pull the chain, It rushed straight at him and raked a claw down Leraje' torso. With the other talon it gripped him by the shoulder to keep him in place. The underling pushed its putrid face directly against Leraje's, but it only managed a few muffled puffs of smoke. The chains clearly had the intended effect.

It pushed Leraje against the floor and buzzed off, its two bird-like hands put to work meddling with the chains around its face. Its screechy and smoky voice were quite possibly pivotal to his offensive. Or her offensive. No way to be sure.

Reztek: STRIFE!

The view suddenly shifts to Reztek who is being soundly beaten like a chump. Failing to react in time to the CHINA BASILISK, it got a strong bite on his leg and proceeded to pull him strongly pull him towards the ledge of the towering structure holding his HIVE. It was quite a spectacular drop, and Reztek had to use all his strength to grip onto the side. His fingers were dug tightly into the ground, and the tips were beginning to show a bit of blue. How much longer could he hold one?

Fortunately for him, a miracle occurred, or at least what was questionably a miracle. Something came by that gave the BASILISK cold feet. It let go of its grip on the CONDUCTOR'S leg. All this served though was for him to hang onto the leg horizontally without anything but gravity trying to kill him.

With his eyes looking directly upwards, Reztek managed to view the figure who had frightened off the Basilisk. A short figure in a black collared shirt hung over him. His skin was much like a black shell and a spade adorned his shirt. His slit like eyes were narrowed down at the troll, a distinct look of disgust and dissapointment. He opened his mouth and spoke between a sentence and a snarl.

"Well kid, you gonna grab it or just hang there?"

Caoway: STRIFE!

The Sage's attempt to Auto-Parry was in all technicality a success, but a detrimental success. He was now caught in the most unreal spirals of air and was on a crash course to the ground. The course quickly ended when he met the ground with a resounding thud. We can only nothing was broken in the fall.

Fortunately for the SAGE, it seems that the forces of nature have not chosen to gang up on him. Only one of the ferocious canines was at his heels, and the IMPS seemed to be all but gone.

Sill seeing as how there was one dog to deal with, Caoway was quick to return to his feet. The angry pooch leaped forward with great speed and sunk one pair of its chompers directly into Caoway's right forearm in an attempt to cut off his use of a weapon. What is this though? It appears the thick fabric of the ANCHOR SWEATER helped to cushion to blow of the mutt's teeth. Truly the sweater is the best form of protection. The bite is painful, but damage is less so.

Seeing as how he was bested by the power of thick Alternian troll wool, he let go and put a distance. From its two mouths and single set of vocal chords it let a howl loose into the skies, calling for help from the more awkward TEARRIER with Beechie's claws. They took positions on either side of the sailor and began to close in on him, Teeth and claws bared.

>Tergum: RAGE!!

The plot once again shifts perspective to the plot of the REAPER OF RAGE. His HIVE has been given quite an upgrade. Quite possibly capable of reaching its gate, who knows? The upward movement is almost as astound as the sheer mass of stairs that paves the skyward path.

However, at the highest point of ascension, a SLATE OGRE blocks the way for further building and climbing. Its large fist and tusks are quite daunting, and it seems to be daring Tergum to battle, with a hand motion waving towards himself. On its back is a large turtle shell, and its skin seems to be particularly sharp. Its arms have odd, wavey ends that resemble fins, and its face is rather ape-like.

In its crushing fist was a quite hapless OBSIDIAN IMP, the poor guy being used as a crude living club. He seemed visibly pained and disorientated as he flailed about for freedom, but it is to little/no avail. This is why the little guys run when the big dudes come out to play.

>Vintag: RAGE!

The voices in the Herald's head are making her quite angry for sure. In her fury she even offended the poor CONCRETE IMP. The little guy walked off into a corner to sob as she went about her rage at the heavens. That was startlingly effective, although its odd that the IMP could really hear the insults. His comrade stands over him and pats him on the shoulder, trying comfort him.

Suddenly, the second Imps emotions turn to rage! How dare this alien she-witch hurt his friend's feelings! He barges into the door of her Hive and searches for something to hit her with. Among a plethora of props he locates an oddly proportioned TWO WHEELED DEVICE. With the strength of his indignation he lifts it with his two palms and drags it back up to the roof.

With the mean lady in sight, the imp raises the odd vehicle up with his two cartoonishly long concrete arms, and rushes forward to smash her head in with the front of the contraption.

>Aldurin: Suffer

You cannot be Aldurin as he is too busy entering!

>Drone: Punish

You can however be the drone, as he has all the time in the world. After hours of precision explosions and just beating down the rocks with your bare hands, you have finally found something that could be construed as a room within the hive. You walk off to the BALCONY and see a large telescope, or is that a cannon? You're a bit disorientated. You take a glance at the Alternian night sky, to see it lit up with many a shooting star. You're gaze stays unbroken until a small explosion just feet away knocks you off your feet!

As you get back up shaken, you see that the boom was cause by a small baseball sized meteor that collided directly with the cannon. The Balcony on the whole seems a bit unstable now. You egress back into the HIVE, buckets in hand. You see a door and smash it open with a single strike. You will break open every single door until you find that little brat.

Overcast

07-09-2011, 02:01 AM

Lereaje: Stop getting your ass kicked.

You drag yourself up from the ground and opened up your strife deck pulling up your second card, shacklekind. Up came a pair of shackles that fell around your wrists and ankles. Chains binding your arms and legs together as you planted yourself on all fours and let out a massive hiss.

Leraje: Initiate pounce de leon!

You bounded across the ground and leapt horizontally, trying to ram your arm shackles around the thing's neck with all the strength you had and get riding.

Bard The 5th LW

07-19-2011, 12:56 AM

>Glissa: Ready yourself for entry.

You wait outside your hive and begin to install SGRUB. You HIVE is in rather shallow water, but you still aren't seeing any meteor. That is probably good. You get on the memo, to find some distress.

FSH: i cant get out how do i get out i cant get to twinkleberry help me help me help me how do i get outttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt tttttttttt
CBI: Uhh welle
CBI: Maybe you shoulde uhh
CBI: Maybe you can figure it our once the game startse
CBI: After you see the Server toolse, we can see if there is anything Gorrma can help you with.
CBI: Yeah thate. We should connect to get started on thate.
FSH: aharhguhguthdjf-344etytgjwsgjerprigjrmhtuvm,e94ggmih4mhb 4-0t2 ti39t3ut43g j480= u0jt48w0 g40 t490t=3t38tqw =r2q [fpqu3urq[tr3 [8yt53 t ]'[ u3 q9] t ut3utq3 t3ut80q mnfq]3tjq30 u8tq6t83 0tuq]= t3
CBI: Okay, Zebrek, I really wante to helpe you.
CBI: Like, we'll be sure to talk aboute this.
CBI: But I am also interestede in helping myself. Aldurin said there may also not be muche time.
CBI: We may bothe be in danger.
FSH :tw t43wtj3[wjt43wt0[ 30tj3wt03[tj3w[t084wt[ wt tw3wt ]w4308302jt32 jt t tektj ngfw ,c x.qj3-c,jt3 vjtjqvjt t3jqt9cqxcut3u5cu0wc,u ut50ut3m30,ut03,m umv m 3tm08ut mut0wtw4utm0w,vw xcw xrw;3tw0c5uw0u350 mvw0 ,i
FSH: rcw0i4u6w0-wx;wli5 30mu5tw0xclw0i30ri0wu65mw;rw90viw0rw[qri39i3w03i25= 325j= vwc39c5u5c0=5uw0=krw;skdfvkthrmvvvvvgfh5m3=-4v m2;cv,
FSH: mtuvmgdmrt4ept2m5 3 253576m;wew[rei3[-vmb hype mqpctu4otum wpu4p8mv 47wpvcew

Fuck. He is sort of being difficult. What if he wastes the air in his cave! Where will that leave YOU at?!

You're going to be more stern about it.

CBI: Alrighte, I'm going to be frank now.
CBI: You will either connecte with me now and solve the Twinkleberry crisis after thate, or I will finde an alternative.
CBI: I'm certain I know a royal or two who may be willinge to get a ticket off Alternia. Be glad I gave you the first chance.
CBI: We'll carry on the reste of this conversatione privately.
CBI: That above was NOT an option by the way.

CURRENT bathorysIllustrator [CBI] has ceased responding to the memo

That should do it! Now you'll wait for him to come to you. You can totally wait for him to come to his senses.

Just need some patience.

>Glissa: Lose your patience

Is that a red dot in the sky oh God please let it be your imagination please.

Future bathorysIllustrator [FBI] 0:39 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FBI: ZEBREK! You WILL responde to me and connect to the game NOW.
FBI: Seriously, responde to me with anything that is NOT "Yes" or some variation thereof and you're done. I wille leave you flat behinde and you wille never finish whatever grudge you have against Scalis.
FUTURE spectacularHellion [FSH] ceased responding to memo.

You spend the next minute pulling at your hair beneath your beret while waiting for a response.

-- spectacularHellion [SH] began trolling
bathorysIllustrator [BI] --

SH: ok

Thank Jegus.

SH: what do we do
BI: The file that readse 'server' and some other stuff.
BI: Open it and install. I have already opened the cliente file.
SH: im already all installed
SH: im connecting
SH: i see you
BI: Gloriouse. I think.
BI: Unfortunately not much is happeninge. See anythinge else?
SH: sorry about your lusus
SH: i dont see anything
SH: it looks like i can put down the stuff in this toolbar
SH: ill just drop it all here
BI: Thanke you for your sympathies.
BI:Here beinge where?
SH: right next to you
SH: and there
SH: and over there

You are forced to make an abrupt ELEGANT DODGE as a large stage-platform deice drops next you. Actually, it was more clumsy than elegant. More like a shocked flop to the ground. The ALCHEMITER wouldn't have hit you anyways. It instead hit the sea floor and sent a cloud of dirt and sand pluming upwards into the water under its weight. You're just a bit jumpy what with Zebrek being your server. Maybe you should lighten up on him? You will think about that when your life is in less danger.

Your leap of faith had left within close proximity to the damaged corpse of BIROST. You swiftly roll away both at disgust of the blood floating in the water, and the sharpness of his fins. When you are on your feet and away from the blood mist, you see that he has also placed a large block with a tube on your front porch. Right on the side of the HIVE you spot what you identify as some large sorta freak sewing machine.

BI: Okay i'm definitely seeing them now.
BI: Umm lets start with the pipe thingy.

After seconds of strugggling with the valve, you aren't getting much progress. Painting hasn't done much for your muscle mass it seems. You attempt to climb up the round structure to remove it physically, but to no avail. The round surface just isn't climbable!

BI: Alrighte, I tried and I can't open this thinge for the life of me.
SH: maybe its like a button?
BI: I guess I can climbe it.
BI: OK, pressinge it didn't do much. Maybe something heavier?
SH: ill look around your hive for something
SH: ...
SH: you have a shotgun?
BI: Yes. How I got it is a story for anothere day.
BI: I don't thinke it works, but today is full of surprises now isn't it?
BI: You can give it a nice look-over once we bothe start this game. It is saide to have belonged to a malevolente Fiduspawn tamer.
BI: Not sure whye she had a shotgun.
BI: Backe on topic though. Anythinge you can use? The chaire is hopefully innocuous.
SH: ok whatever
SH: ill try the chair
SH: here goes

With a prompt swish of water, the ARMCHAIR is suddenly removed from the front door of your HIVE. The DOOR is also liberated from its HINGES. It is an acceptable loss. The top of the CRUXTRUDER is lopped right off, and from it emerges a ourple CYLINDER and a rather flashy purple sphere. That sphere could give many a larva a seizure.

BI: Its opened.
BI: Alrighte, inventory is purple cylinder and this thinge.
BI: This hurts to look at.
BI: I'll let you figure something oute with shiny there. I'll checke out the glorified sewinge machine.

You close your HUSKTOP and leave it behind you. As you examine the TOTEM LATHE, you fail to take note of some severe SHENANIGANS taking place behind you.

SH: hmm...
SH: poke
SH: poke poke poke
SH: i cant touch the pretty lights
SH: maybe i can use something else to touch it?
SH: something from your collection?
SH: hey
SH: get away from biroste
SH: shoo!
SH: oh crap

Shiny Things + Zebrek = Unforeseen Consequences

Zebrek attempted to move away the fallen custodian, but the KERNEL SPRITE refused to move. The sharp edged fish was consumed in a flash of light. The ensuing brightness lead to you spinning a swift 180 in alarm. Had something else exploded!

You are greeted no longer with the corpse of Birost. Instead, you can see the outline and shape of the one finned lusus within the flashing lights of the KERNELSPRITE. Not moving your eyes away from him, you tap out a final message to your server.

BI: uh
BI: how aboute
BI: we talke later

You proceed to close and inventory the computer. He can do whatever now you suppose. You take another look at the KERNELSPRITE... it looks just like Birost! Is this what Caoway had spoken about? You were expecting a more literal revival. In any case, you are sorta creeped out and decide to ignore it for now. The clock on the CRUXTRUDER shows the time you have remaining.

00:11:20

A glance skyward confirms hat there is something ablaze directly above your hive. Even through the sheet of ice and soft currents, the speck of red can be seen in the distance. You can barely begin to think of the damage that a meteor in the polar caps will have. Hopefully the other water troll and shore trolls are safe.

You glance over at the sprite that bear the likeness of your custodian, and you decide to walk around it as you get on with the situation. You decide to get to work now. Dieing would really be a damper on your day.

========>

You are now Nasryl and you are having the worst day.

You had already managed to connect to Vintag, and she seems to be alive. Now its your turn. Aldurin has done a remarkable job of not setting everything on fire. Really got to commend him on that much. You think something may have gone wrong with the pipes though, you can swear you heard some noise coming from the bathroom. Otherwise it went pretty well, you copied Vintag's steps until you reached the end. The last step was trickier.

In your operating room, right on top of the pedestal of the ALCHEMITER came the shape of your LUSUS in a crumpled heap, a sight seen just mere hours ago. Being in your operating room, you of course moved the dying effigy onto your operating table, still stained with the lime blood of earlier. THe operation went the exact same way, with the bird's heart failing as its life twitched away. Only it wouldn't die. It was just prolonging itself.

As you stand there, unsure what to do, you feel a familiar pecking on your shoulder. Its the KERNELSPRITE, now with the likeness of CATHARA in it. She is nudging you towards the needle you keep on the counter next to the table. The needle you never used a single time. It's use was when the patient had to die. You give her a look of apprehension, and she nods in an affirmative.

Slowly, your hand shaking, you reach towards the small stand and grabbed the needle filled with murky green fluid. You slowly raise it up, but you hesitate. You dart your eye to the CRUXTRUDER. It shows 15 seconds left on the clock. When did that happen! You glance back down at the shivering figure on your operating table. With a sharp breath, you bring the needle down on it neck, injecting the fluid and ending its life.

========>

We return to Glissa, who is also at the end of her journey into the Medium. Outside of her Hive, she waits impatiently as the Alchemiter scans the CRUXITE DOWEL to create something, you aren't even sure what.

Fortunately, the wait isn't long. From the Alchemiter, a small scale MOTHER GRUB appears, and it lays a single purple egg before you and vanishes.

An egg! What are you supposed to do with the fucking egg? Is a wriggler supposed to save you or some shit? You don't have much time left, and you don't know what you are supposed to do. You consider all sorts of things: breaking the egg, throwing the egg, or even eating the egg? Ok you doubt its that last one, but it isn't an unheard of concept.

00:00:22

Time is running out. You look around for some last sort of help, and you are met with Biroste approaching you. Will he save you? No, he instead motions towards the egg. Does he intend to protect it? He's all knives and blades, how can he guard it?

You then remember the times he guarded you though. You were once a wriggler, and he never cut you to shreds. You take another look up to see the ice melting. The meteor is getting close. What if there isn't hope for you? Is there supposed to be some hope for this egg?

You yield, and place the egg upon the ground in front of Birost. It is under his protection now. You take another look upwards as the meteor is only seconds away, only to see a swirl of white and blue swirl around your home.

========>

The view pans away from the ocean floor of Glissa's hive, and we move across Alternia to the subterranean hive of Gorrma, and it is not in good shape. It has not been directly hit by any falling space rocks, but it has taken indirect damage from a bombardment of once off in the distance. The shaking of the impacts has collapsed a series of sections and areas of the Hive. There may be a fire or two as well. So much may be lost, and there are too many prices and values across the Hive to save!

The trial that the alchemiter produces takes the form of an oven, and a series of other ingredients. Ingredients for a cake. Does Sgrub want a cake? The cruxtruder leaves the amount of time in question. There may be enough time to follow through on this bizarre trial, but it would sacrifice time that could be spent trying to save and salvage the other items and ingredients across the hive. What is one to do!

Aldurin

07-19-2011, 10:27 AM

The pressure is really beginning to get to you.

So many things going wrong, so much last-minute reorganizing, and so many meteors to track. Well the meteor part was easy, and then radar and satellites began to go offline, leaving large blindspots where most of the other players used to be. You believe it must be the shockwave from the larger meteor impacts, which then became more disconcerting because right after Nasryl entered, the largest blind spot yet in global radar system formed around where his hive used to be.

Speaking of him, he seems to be fine, though maybe shaken up by his entry test. You do a quick check of the hive and make some minor repairs and reinforce some of the more dubious areas of the structure to mitigate further damage. It's no big deal since he's got a liberal shitload of build grist. You'll put off setting up defenses until you can consult him on the issue, partially because you have your own priority of entering now.

You haven't seen your lusus for a while, which is strange since he isn't the type to shiver in a corner out of fear of the meteors. You hope he's out surveying the damage caused by the smaller meteor impacts.

You suddenly hear a loud crash from the balcony, where you last left that badass cannon, which makes you cringe and get a sick feeling in your gastric organ.

There goes Plan A.

>So then what is Plan B?

Arcanum

07-28-2011, 02:22 PM

> So then what is Plan B?

You can not consult Plan B because you have yet to determine how successful Plan A will be.

> But the cannon?

Was Plan A, yes.

> But you just said...

That Plan A belonged to someone else. This Plan A is a different plan, belonging to a different person, a person who is at this very moment trying to think of a very good reason why he should go ahead with Plan A at all. Especially considering that the plan is already off to a terrible start thanks to a certain troll being on the verge of falling to his death.

> Reztek: Grab the Shady Saviour's hand

You grab the Saviour's hand and he quickly helps you to safety. A little too quickly actually, as the Shady individual throws you away from the edge of the cliff where you land ungraciously sprawled on the ground. As you pick yourself up you catch a glimpse of black metal held in what once seemed like such a friendly (and life-saving) hand.

> Reztek: STRIFE!

You fail to Auto-Baritone and the knife slashes across your abdomen as you let out a deep yelp of pain. SS? lunges after you again but you jump back and put some distance between the two of you as you pull out your Grubtar. Gripping the neck with both hands you give a mighty over-handed swing right at the Sudden Stabber's head. SS? sidesteps the blow and the Grubtar shatters against the ground with a sickening crunch. One brief sonic-psychic resonance later and SS? is blown head over heels from the resulting shock wave. You let the broken Grubtar neck fall to the ground and grab a second one, this time from your strife specibus since it looks like things might get a little too hot to handle.

> First, be SS?. Second, show this troll your stabs

You are now the Secretive Schemer, and as much as you would like to watch this kid bleed out on the floor you have other plans in store. You tell the kid that he passed your test; that you had to make sure he wasn't a weakling after how pathetic he was earlier against the Baskillisk. The kid still doesn't really trust you. Fair enough since he's still bleeding pretty badly. You tell the kid your name, Jack Noir, and that you're here to help him and his friends. Not the entire truth since they will be helping you more than you will be helping them, but he doesn't need to know that. The kid is still uneasy; he asks how does he know he can believe you. You say he can't for sure, but that this should help. You hand the kid the book containing your plan to overthrow the monarchy. It also lists several other targets that need to be taken care of in order for the plan to be a success. The plan seems to put the kid at ease, though he seems a little obsessed with the organization, of which there is very little. You were too busy scheming to be worried about organizing your plan seven different ways like what this kid is suggesting. In fact he won't shut up about it, and his lilting accent is starting to get on your nerves.

> Jack: Knife. Stabs. Do it now.

You barely control the urge to give this kid another reason to fear you. You have work to do. You cut off the kid's incessant talk about order and grab the book back. You say that before you can put the plan into motion you need to know more about his friends. The kid's eyes dart towards the book for a moment. You figure he realizes how hard this is going to be, and that you need to be aware of your assets. The kid nods his head and asks if you want to move this inside and away from prying eyes or more surprise attacks. You agree. After all you know that you don't have much time before things more dangerous than Imps or Baskillisks show up.

Intern Nin

08-01-2011, 01:49 AM

> Leraje: Ride monster like a mechanical bull.

http://ib.skaia.net/image/4957.gif

Let's get back to him in just a bit, okay?

> ID: Observe latest developments.

You are now the Intractable Drifter and...

Well...

========>

It looks like...

========>

The station suddenly emerged from its sandy cocoon and has now taken off into the sky. Where exactly it's flying off to, you can't be sure. Also, the station's a butterfly for some reason. This is all very strange.

> ID: Climb onto the insect station's head and stand atop it.

Yes.

> ID: Put on the shades.

Hell yes.

> ID: Cross your arms, like a BAWSS.

Fuck yes.

> ID: Keep this pose as you travel across the breath-taking desert scenery.

HELL.

FUCKING.

YE-shitohmycrapyoualmostfelltoyourdeath! You decide to cut it out with the silly bullshit for today and cautiously crawl back into the innards of the station. You now stand at the bottom of the ladder. In front of you is the entryway leading back into the room with the large computer and monitors. On the wall to the left of the entryway is a diagram divided into three parts, each part emblazoned with it's own spirograph. It's very shiny and tantalizing, this diagram is.

> ID: Ignore the thing on the wall and proceed into the computer room.

Without giving the diagram so much as a second glance, you walk back to the control panel. It's still tuned onto the troll kid you dubbed �Sage� earlier. Looks like he's flying straight up into the air, pulling off some cerebrally unstable, aerial spinning maneuvers. Huh, this situation seems oddly familiar.

> Years in the past, but not many(?)

A lone figure stands in dimly lit room- Well, okay no, the room is quite adequately lit. It just seems dark because of the shadowy purple and black color scheme. Anyway, the lone figure stands between a narrow fenestrated screen and a desk with a turntable that has a knife stuck in it. The figure boggles vacantly at the horned figure on the screen as he viciously murders imp after imp with his pen. Why even bother sending imps, she wonders.

> Be ID(?)

You are now the IMPERIAL DESK-JOCKEY, A MID-LEVEL AGENT OF THE DARK KINGDOM who works directly under the ARCHAGENT himself, and today is your TUBE-VACATING DAY! It was exactly 20 of your planetary sweeps ago today when you reached the end of your 11 week gestation cycle and emerged from an artificial womb in strange science lab on an asteroid. You were immediately brought to the dark kingdom and began your training in the profession for which you were made and presently occupy. There were many others like you grown in that lab but the rest of them didn't have what it takes to survive in this job.

For clarification, �what it takes� is the ability to continue living after being stabbed over and over again.

========>

Your job, by the way, is PUSHING PAPERS. Checking figures, writing up reports, documenting and allocating acquisitions, sending off death notices to widows, doing anything your boss doesn't feel like doing; that sort of stuff. The kind of glamorous job that a lot of low-level agents envy and romanticize. You also have your own PARTIAL CUBICLE OF VIGILANCE, made up of TWO SMALL FENESTRATED SCREENS and ONE LARGE FENESTRATED SCREEN, to assist in overseeing the affairs of the empire. However, the large one disappeared while you were off taking an impromptu break earlier and you have no idea where it is now. This would present a problem, not just with keeping watch over the minions' assault of the foretold heroes, but with allowing you and your neighbor to have some privacy from one another.

Fortunately, your neighbor is dead, stabbed to death during one of your boss's bouts of MURDEROUS RAGE, so that's no longer an issue.

========>

Despite the prestige of your title and the numerous deceased co-workers, you're not happy with your career path. You outright hate job, as a matter of fact, and are constantly on the search for new ways to goof off. Your favorite way is by practicing the art of WORD-TECH coupled with MANIPULATING RECORD TURNS. It annoys your superior to no end, so you engage in the practice of making things bump in place of your normal office duties whenever you get a chance.

Things really start to get biznasty with you at the helm of the rap-galleon. You be pulling out all sorts insane lyrical genius and scratchy masterpieces, and your co-workers can't do anything but stand agog and be amazed. They remain that way for whole minutes at a time, unresponsive to even the most enthusiastic of invitations to raise their arms up. Of course, the angry little man in charge always breaks up the party, knifing your turn-table and a few people as well. In fact it was only an hour or so ago when he had brought your latest jamfest to screeching, blood-splattering halt and then promptly ran off while muttering about some horned basket-case. The ankle fudger.

What will you do now?

> ID?: Ask to borrow a co-worker's turn-table and then get back to making sick beats.

Not gonna happen. Aside from the fact that your co-workers never carry anything phonographic in nature, they're all dead. Every last one of them. He really lost it this time.

It kind of a mystery why that bumfedora didn't kill you along with everyone else. Maybe he hates you so much that he doesn't want to deprive you of a long life full of monotonous tasks. Or maybe he just needed someone to write up reports of the untimely demises of everyone else. It will forever remain a mystery.

> ID?: Go find your boss and avenge the your comrades' deaths.

Nah, that sounds like it might take an ounce of effort that's not devoted to the act of turning this establishment on its side and verbally pulsing it into rap-vana. Seriously though, that would be suicidal and you really weren't too fond of those guys anyway. The only thing you miss about them is their audience.

> ID?: Remember that you keep a few spare turntables in your desk.

How could you forget?! You open the drawer and find several factory fresh turntables and records. You give your busted spinner a trash-bin burial and set up the successor atop of your workspace.

Are you sure you're ready for this?
Well come on,
get ready,
get set,
cuz here we go!

The RhymePro's here and she's got the game,
all you other dead-brainers betta feel the shame!
She can bend rules, make the dudes all drool,
and she's got just a few choice beats for you!

You then proceed to have one of the shittiest one person rap-offs in the history of paradox space.

========>

After about three minutes of this nonsense, you finally finish and look around as if expecting some applause. You remember that your audience was gutted and there is no one admire your rap-tacular feats nor challenge you to a test of skill.

========>

The walkways are littered with bodies. Nothing stirs. Somewhere liquid drips to the floor, perhaps water from a leaky pipe or maybe blood dripping off a carcass. It echoes throughout the room and down through the seemingly endless halls of the tower, underscoring the vast stillness of it all. A familiar beat is produced. It's the timing to which all life adheres to, a pace that all beings keep as they continue moving forward until they meet their end. It is the sound of fate and the inevitable loneliness that awaits.

This is you 20th Tube Vacating Day and as with all the ones proceeding it you find yourself gripped with a sense of emptiness, maybe greater now than ev-THIS IS STUPID. There must be something better for you to do than wax philosophical poetry.

> ID?: Big Boss is watching. Look busy.

Well, no she's not at the moment but that is a good point. If the Glorious Sovereign pops up on the monitor and finds that ol' Smile Slayer is taking a sabbatical, everyone else is dead, and you're goofing off, she'll be beyond rancorous. And who will punish for this? Probably the Archagent, but she'll take it out on you first since you are within mauling range and he isn't!

Better do a little work to keep up an appearance of productivity.

========>
Let's see here... Got quite a pile built up.

What spoils have the imps come back with now? Hmm, seems some of them snatched up a few desecrated books from the various heroes that have entered so far. What's the point of that? You read over the report they filed and discover that they received orders from an unnamed higher-up to specifically grab these books for them. Seems odd, but who are you to care about such uninteresting details? You give the okay to transfer these tomes to whoever it is that wants them and shove them and the papers into the pneumatic tube system you use to send paperwork and packages throughout the kingdom. There, that's one boring task down.

========>

Next up is... Holee Jegus! What is wrong with these imps? What are are they thinking bringing contraband back into the kingdom? And just what the hay is holding it?

Well, according to the report they encountered this illicit idol when raiding the Hero of Waves domicile. They didn't destroy this one on sight because the carcass holding it resemblances the fabled devilbeast and they didn't want to be cursed for harming its image. Ugh, idiots.

> ID?: Remove craven from the jaws of doom.

Popped right out. That was stupidly easy. You wish you had the power to have those imps flogged. Oh wait, you do. You fill out the forms and send them in 23 seconds flat, fastest you have ever done any paperwork.

Well, right about now is where you would do what any loyal citizen to the crown would do, smash the croaker.

...Although, it would be neat little symbol of defiance to keep around. You quickly stow it away behind some turntables and lock the drawer. Hee hee, so exciting. Really sticking to authority now.

Now that just leaves the matter of what to do with the devilbeast.

> ID?: Send it to the moon.

Great idea, let the monarchy over there deal with it.

Papers are in order, so into the tubes you go. Whew, that was two whole tasks done within the span of ten minutes. You're really on fire today.

...Okay, you're beginning to despise your job to a degree which outweighs your concern with being mauled.

> ID?: Look at screen.

Hmm, if a higher-up pops in and catches you doing nothing while staring at the screen, you could still argue that you were doing your job of monitoring the minions. Hmm, the kid in this screen doesn't seem to really be doing much. This is pretty boring. Almost as boring as your job.

> ID?: Change view.

The view switches to another troll, as he spins through the air in a most unreal manner. Not really worthy of being immortalized in song but interesting nonetheless. Hmm, deja vu.

> ID: Send in more imps.

You are now the Intractable Drifter and cannot send any imps because there are no imps. You're in the middle of a wasteland numbnuts!

> ID: Boggle vacantly at these shenanigans.

This is really familiar. So very, very very familiar. Hey, wait. What's up with the Sage's house? You are very certain that that sorry pile of shit was a million feet high last time you saw it. And what's up with the Sage. He's actually having trouble with those hounds? How could this be? Unless...

> hey sage
> im talking to you asshole
> tell me
> is this the beginning of your stupid ass journey or what

Caoway is much too busy dealing with the terrier biting his arm to deal with you right now.

> Other Troll: Do something.

mauve

08-01-2011, 02:42 AM

> Other Troll: Do something.

Do something? Well, you suppose you COULD do a little dance, but you can't really figure out how that would help you in any way. So maybe you should should THINK about doing something before you actually DO it. Yeah. That might help.

You are now GORRMA and you are once again in a bit of a PICKLE! A giant meteor is headed for your hive and your surroundings are currently being roasted to a delicious golden brown! You'd better figure out how to get into the medium soon, or your proverbial oversized water-fowl is cooked!

> ...if you're going to start with the food puns again, I'm going to leave.

What? There's no time to think about FOOD right now! You're going to die!

> ....what? I didn't tell you to--

Command invalid!

> Examine trial.

You look at the floating objects that magically appeared before you.

OO: an oven?

Hm. Well, on the one hand, you definitely needed a new one. But on the other... it really wasn't exactly what you wanted to be looking at right now. Nommington's death was too fresh in your mind. If it wasn't for that oven--- No. No, it wasn't the oven. It was you. If you hadn't been so careless with your appliances, Nommington would still be here.

Maybe that's all it was. Maybe there was no curse, no hardwired doom-code in the game that killed your lusus. Maybe you were just using that as an excuse to feel better about it--finding something else to blame for your own negligence. Maybe it wasn't anyone's fault but your own. Not Aldurin's, not fate's, not SGRUB's... Just yours.

Well then, in that case, it was your duty to make things better. A real Gourmancer wouldn't give up just because something went wrong. A real Gourmancer would accept her mistakes and work to make things better. Okay so basically that only applied to failed recipes, but hey, you can still use it as a metaphor, you guess. Somehow.

Right! You would solve this puzzle and save Nommington and save the world and become the best Gourmancer the universe has ever known! Let's do this!

Fueled with new determination, you look over the rest of the glowy green items that sprung from the alchemiter. Flour... eggs... vanilla... You appraise the items with a professional's eye and give a curt nod. These were ingredients for a cake. But wait! There were some missing! You can't just bake a cake with these things-- it'd turn out... gasp! sub-par!!

A glowing timer counts down to what you assume is doom time. It's a lot sooner than you would like. You cast a quick glance at the door. You have plenty of other items that would make the cake more delicious... You could do so much! But the flames are blocking your path and that clock is ticking!

> Gorrma: Vent at server player

OO: i have to bake a cake
OO: under extremely dangeroush and difficult circumshtances
OO: in a limited timeshpan
OO: all in order to avoid being killed by a meteor, potentially deshtroying our future.
OO: the fate of the univershe and my continued exishtance dependsh on me baking a cake.
OO: ...
OO: ...
OO: ...
OO: BESHT
OO: DAY
OO: EVER!!!!!

> Be other troll.

Aldurin

08-04-2011, 01:22 AM

>Be the other troll

A system error causes the command to work without complaint, you are now Aldurin.

>Do shit

Time to work on damage control, in other words getting your hive out of the path of damage. With any luck Caoway will actually be available to start servering your mountain out of here.

technopathicalAnomaly [TA] began trolling melancholicChumly [MC]
TA: Ok, Nasryl is in and I assume you're alive.
TA: My primary plans for this situation have become subject to complications so now I need you to dump the equipment in the balcony chamber if possible, since this show needs to get on the road, before said road becomes a crater.
TA: I haven't seen any meteors large enough to synchronize with a countdown so hopefully we have time.
TA: And before you say it, yes I'm stressed and too busy to focus on my typing quirk right now.
MC: nek nek
MC: wow a book that writes itself
MC: nek nek nek nek nek!
MC: ooh now it's writing down what i'm saying
MC: this stranger has all of the interesting doodads
MC: all of them nek nek
TA: Caoway, really?
TA: This is not the time for bullshit.

>Troll someone else while Caoway bullshits

technopathicalAnomaly [TA] began trolling hazardousPracticioner [HP]
TA: hEy Nasryl, I cAn sEE yOU stAndIng thErE
TA: gEt OvEr It, I thInk thE tEsts ArE sUppOsEd tO pUsh Us
TA: AdmIttEdlY thE fIrst fEw sEEmEd rAthEr EAsY fOr thEm
TA: pOInt Is, mY sErvEr Is bEIng . . . dIffIcUlt, sO I hAvE tImE tO hElp yOU OrIEnt yOUrsElf

Dammit, he's not answering. At least he isn't being a retard. You swap windows to your other active conversation.

MC: nek nek
MC: what's caoway?
TA: so you're not Caoway?
MC: no
MC: just a caiman named gil nek nek nek nek nek

How nice, a mildly intelligent animal has his computer. Maybe you can play on his misunderstanding of technology.

TA: oh that's bad
MC: why is that bad, talking book?
TA: because as the Caoway's spirit guide, I am obligated to brutally murder those who claim his talking book
TA: PAINFUL murder
MC: neknekneknekneknekneknekneknekneknek!
MC: die talking book
melancholicChumly [MC]'s PDjournal broke

Damn, he just had to put down the book or give it back to Caoway, no heroic bullshit like destroying your only hope for survival.

>Check on Nasryl while you await your doom.

TA: And hIs cOmpUtEr wAs jUst vAndAlIzEd sO I nEEd tO dO sOmEthIng sO I dOn't frEAk OUt
HP: Xh gXg what is that smell! This place is terrible.
HP: Wait, what are yXu planning Xn dXing?
TA: bUIld yOUr hIvE UpwArds, thAt wAy yOU cAn gEt tO thE shIny AbstrActIOn flOAtIng AbOvE yOU
TA: I'd AlsO bUIld bArrIcAdEs bUt wAlls dOn't sEEm tO dEtEr thEsE trEspAssErs
TA: hAng On, Caoway's tAlkIng tO mE, I'll gEt bAck tO yOU In A mOmEnt

You didn't pay much heed to the creatures approaching Nasryl's hive, and should they actually be a threat then it'll be good for him to practice some self-defensive murder.

>Are you actually talking to Caoway now?

melancholicChumly [MC] began trolling technopathicalAnomaly [TA]
MC: A conS\ort /juS\t S\mashe/) one of my /journalS\ on a rock becauS\e it threatene/) to kill him.
MC: /)o I even nee/) to aS\k if thiS\ waS\ brouG\ht on by one of your S\henaniG\anS\?
TA: thOsE "cOnsOrts" ArE tOO stUpId tO EvEn prOpErlY fEAr thE sUpErnAtUrAl
MC: ThiS\ iS\ why we can't have nice thinG\S\.
TA: mAYbE I shOUld hAvE trIEd tO mAkE It wOrshIp whAtEvEr It wAs thAt thE cOnsOrt hAd
TA: AftEr I EntEr, wE shOUld trY AgAIn UsIng A "bEnEvOlEnt tAlkIng dEvIcE" plOY
TA: spEAkIng Of EntErIng, whY wAs It thAt mY sErvEr plAyEr lEt A sEntIEnt (And I UsE thAt tErm lOOsElY) AnImAl bAbYsIt hIs cOmpUtEr?
MC: FirS\tly, no. /)on't fuck aroun/) with theS\e G\uyS\' beliefS\. No one /)eS\erveS\ you aS\ a con/)uit to their G\o/).
MC: It'S\ a S\tupi/) i/)ea an/) the conS\ortS\ are here to help you anywayS\.
MC: They're like thoS\e thinG\S\ in G\ameS\ for wriG\G\lerS\, what /)i/) Zebrek call them?
MC: NPCS\.
MC: S\econ/)ly, that waS\ a P/)/journal, not a computer.
MC: LaS\tly, I G\ave it to him to play with S\o he woul/) S\tay out of my /)rea/)lockS\ while I untanG\le/) hiS\ fiS\hinG\ line.
MC: AG\ain.
MC: It not even a biG\ /)eal that he broke it, I ma/)e half of a /)ozen of theS\e thinG\S\ earlier.
MC: I /juS\t wiS\h that you ha/)n't rile/) him up.
MC: Now he won't S\top nekinG\.
TA: wEll wE cAn cOnvIncE hIm thE mAlEvOlEnt spIrIt gUIdE Is dEAd AFTER wE gEt mE Off thIs rOck
TA: I jUst wAnt tO gEt thIs tEst OvEr wIth sO I cAn gEt tO sAfEty And stArt On rEpAIrs
TA: I'm hOpIng fOr sOmEthIng EAsy lIkE whAt yOU gOt, Or Leraje's
TA: sErIOUslY? gOIng tO slEEp As A chAllEngE? thAt's dUmbEr thAn dUmb
TA: sO yEAh lEt's crAck thAt crUxtrUdEr OpEn sO I cAn fEEd thE mEtEOr fAIry sOmEthIng
MC: Hol/) on, I /)i/)n't even inS\tall the S\erver proG\ram yet.
MC: Oh S\hit.
TA: whAt?
MC: A winG\e/) imp /juS\t took my huS\ktop.
MC: I'm G\onna G\o kill it.
TA: I dO nOt ApprOvE Of thIs prOblEm, bUt I dO lIkE thE sOlUtIOn
TA: mY rAdAr rEcIEvEr jUst wEnt OUt sO nOw I hAvE nO AbIlIty tO trAck thE gIAnt spAcE rOck thAt Is dEfInItEly cOmIng tOwArd mE
MC: Um, if you ha/) to G\ueS\S\, how cloS\e woul/) you S\ay it iS\ riG\ht now?
TA: thE mEtEOrs AppEAr OUt Of nOwhErE jUst OUt of OrbIt, sO I wOUld gUEss mAybE 15 mInUtEs If It wErE tO AppEAr rIght nOw
MC: ...
TA: Of cOUrsE thAt lEAvEs OUt thE dAmAgE thAt thE OthEr mEtEOrs ArE InflIcting
TA: AlrEAdY lOst thE cAnnOn I wAs gOIng tO shOOt thE mEtEOr wIth
TA: EvEn If I hAd An hOUr I dOUbt mY hIvE wOUld bE IntAct bY thEn
MC: Well, that iS\n't what I wante/) to hear.
MC: The imp abS\con/)e/), S\o I'm G\oinG\ to have to chaS\e after him.
TA: cOUldn't yOU jUst rUn thE sErvEr On whAtEvEr yOU'rE UsIng rIght nOw?
MC: It'S\ a P/)G\rub mixe/) with a /journal, it'S\ not a real computer.
MC: An/) I can't G\et back to my hive to make another one riG\ht now, S\o I really nee/) the one the imp took.
TA: kill that bastard quickly

You determine your progress to be roughly around zero percent, now that you're back to dealing with a server player who allowed someone else to have his computer.

===>

Roughly seven minutes in the future, you get an alert on the terminal on one of the security feeds.

>Examine

The blast appeared to have knocked this camera so it faced upwards, you can only really tell that because of the single corner of sky that's not blocked out by the giant meteor. This takes a moment for you to process longer over all of the noise of the meteor impacts, partially because a couple of those sounded very . . . metallic.

>Be someone who is not in dire danger

Intern Nin

08-18-2011, 01:53 AM

> Be someone who is not in dire danger.

ERROR

You are now Caoway, and you are still under attack by those dog-gone minions, one of which just tried to savagely bite your right arm off. Thankfully, the thick fabrics of the anchor emblem sweater kept it from rending the meat off your forearm, though it did sink its teeth in deep enough to draw a little blood. Not to mention that your head is aching a bit from when you landed on it earlier and now two of the terriers are closing in. On top of all that, the voice in your head is back and storm clouds seem to be rolling in. What will you do?

> Caoway: Consider places in your hive in which to put the stuffed and mounted corpses of your foes.

Last you checked, there wasn't much room for anything! Well that's not entirely true now. The wave did knock out few things but not enough display the bodies of these mutts. Perhaps you could ask Leraje to do that revise thing to your hive and make another room.

Wait, these things change into grist when you kill them so there wouldn't be any bodies to display. And why are you thinking about this stuff right now? The hounds are closing in, man!

> sage answer the question
> dont pretend like you dont hear me

> Caoway: Drive the beasts back with your fishing pole, like a lion tamer.

You let loose a volley of fishing line cracks against the freaks, but they do not shrink back. The hounds' hard quartz bodies are hardly even damaged by the lashings of your razor sharp line. This could prove to be very difficult. It begins to drizzle.

> ID: Heckle this worthless troll.

> hey pay attention to me sage
> are you in the past or not
> stop messing with the fuckin hounds and answer me

The one you call sage is still much too focused on more pressing matters. Like the double-mouthed, sabrecat-armed horror charging him with murder in its nonexistent eyes. The hero rolls out of the way and behind the houndstrosity, viciously striking its back. The creature's health vial concedes a single drop of fluid. Only an entire ablution trap's worth left to go.

> oh boohoo theres a big minion tryin to eat my face you wuss
> whatever
> if this really is the past then the next combo these dogs pull is gonna break you

The Sage looks alarmed. The minion rears around and retaliates with a wild swing, which he easily dodges with a fishertroll back-flip. Of course, the second one who was standing at bay and sniffing intently at the fight, took advantage of this opportunity to strike. Its diamond paw slices across the troll's back, sending him forward right into the first hounds second strike.

x2 Combo!

> hahahahaha i warned you
> i told you about those dogs
> oh looks like i dont need your confirmation after all

The troll lies at the feet of his enemies, health vial low and bleeding from the wounds on both his chest and back. His misshapen foes stand over him, the four mouths between them salivating like a nutrition storage block hydration spigot that's been left on. Through winced eyes the hero watches as the awkward terrier raises its paw for the finishing blow.

> ah come on hurry up

A beam of green fish, cigars, and cards strike the would-be executioner square in the face and knock it off it feet. The second one moves to finish the job himself, but a blood-curdling roar stops it in its tracks. The hero looks over just in time to see his cleverly disguised green Sea Jaguaren spirit guide tackle into the diamond pawed minion. The monstrosities lock in flurry of claw and tooth, rolling across the plateau and dropping off the edge of the cliff. The lad cries out to his guardian as the ghostly beast disappears from sight.

> damn always thought that save was bullshit
> hey you gonna run or not

The Sage gets to his feet and absconds a short distance away. He stands, clutching the wound on his chest, trying to catch his breath. The wind picks up and the rain comes down harder. QT1 slowly gets back on its diamond shaped paws and scans around for the troll, but cannot make hear his breathing through the wind's howl. Looks like he gets a short reprieve to get his shit together.

> Caoway: Try not to faint at the sight of your blood. Or from the blood loss.

Faint? Because of this? THAT'S LANDLUBBER TALK!

You call this a wound? HA! YOU SEE MORE BLOOD THAN THIS WHEN YOU FLOSS!

There is no way in hell that you're going to fall down and be useless again. Not here, before you even reach the first gate. Not after Beechie bailed your ass out again.

========>

Enough pussyfooting around. You need to kill these things right now. But it will be too difficult to do if your attention is divided. With the steel line rod, you quickly score a large message into the earth.

> ID: Contemplate the implications of your discovery.

It would seem that your guess was right on the boondollar: this monitor is allowing you to view and interact with the Sage in the past. This is an astounding discovery and... you are so bored with this now.

Really, what's the point with watching him? You'll just be seeing every awful thing happen as you remember it, including the defeats you suffered at the hands of-

========>

An idea forms.

You'll suddenly change your tune and offer helpful advice and guidance to the Sage.

He becomes all trusting and thinks that you're his best friend in all of paradox space.

Then, later when he runs into past you, you'll make him run into walls or some other kind of stupid thing that will cost him the fight. He loses and you're victorious! So no more future of exile and sand and nut creatures and big wide open nothing! Just the new and improved future of you being Awesome Rapper Extraordinaire and the Sage being dead! Yes, this is a brilliant plan and nothing can go wrong!

========>

Actually that sounds like a dumb plan and he'll probably never go for it. Better just stick to yanking his chain. What's a good word that rhymes with �crustacean fondler�?

Oh, what's this? A flash of lightning has illuminated some words etched into the ground next to the sage.

Help me
or Shut up.

You always wondered what that meant.

> ID: You'll never get a better opportunity than this.

> yeah sage i can do that
> lets be friends and work as team
> a pair of hard pole hittin super murder minion exterminators
> just listen to all my advice without question or hesitation alright

The troll nods in agreement. The

> awesome ok theres the thunderstorm
> bitches need to hear you to catch you so that should throw them off
> the rain will make hard for them to sniff you out
> you do know how to fight an eyeblind noseblind rampaging beast don't you sage

He smiles a tiny bit.

> thats what i thought
> im watchin your back so go in there do what youre gonna do

> Caoway: Round 2.

[s]STRIFE!

GRIEF!

You open up your sylladex, fish out the idiophonic cup-and-clanger, and rush forward. Diamondpaws hears the clanger and but is too slow to react. You swing wildly, bopping it on the snout multiple times, making a lot of clanging noises with each blow. Pretty much establishing your intent to dominate. The attack doesn't spill a drop of the beast's health vial but infuriates it nonetheless. The hound rears up to strike but you dodge-roll away and abscond like a fleet-footed, bell-capped elf.

Your foe gives chase, homing in on the clanger's ringing and is soon hot on your heels. Just as you planned. With deft hands, you quickly tie the Idiophonic Cup & Clanger to the line and let it fly off to the right. You keep the line wiggling mid-air and the cup continues with its noise, giving the blind moron the impression that you suddenly leapt aside. The brute follows after the ringing and you halt and take his back. You manipulate the line and weave it around QT1 like a lariat, ensnaring its limbs and causing it to drop to the ground like hefty sack of behemoth leavings. Beaglepuss struggles and bites its bindings in vain, for you have it on good authority that the steel reel is guaranteed unbreakable even against the largest and mightiest of sea-based abominations or you'll get 0% off your next purchase. You equip an oar in your offhand and prepare to deliver the coup de grace.

> sage bug hound 8oclock
> angler parry numbnuts

You swivel your torso around just in time to see QT3 outlined in a flash of lightning, reared up and ready to bring its claws down on you. Quick reflexes save you and you block the bug-headed terrier with the oar. QT3 presses all of its weight down on you, snapping at you with it insectoid mandibles and taking swings with its mutant set of scythe'd limbs. Though you are able to withstand the beast's pressure even with your injuries, due to your impressive grit and hardiness, the same cannot be said for your piece of shit oar which looks like it's about to snap and bring an end to this power-struggle.

�When two great forces oppose each other, the victory will go to the one that knows how to yield.�
-Troll Diana Ross

You give in to the beast's force and salmon roll out of the way. Bugsy screeches in frustration at its wasted chance to maim and spreads its wings in preparation for another attack. You charge up your mangrit and take a few steps back while reeling in some line. Going to have to position this just right.

The quartz menace lunges and you flip your shit. Or rather perform an aerial rod and reel cyclone flip attack as it were, which yanks the snared OT1 off the ground. It is swung in wide overhead arc and brought right down on QT3, massively damaging the both of them. Then from out of nowhere, QT2 is tossed on top of them for x2 combo damage.

A sabre-tusked ally appearifies by your side and begins raining down fishy spam upon the dogpile.

> minnow shower wont cut it sage
> give the word

You dramatically point and give the command. Beechiesprite nods and materializes a gargantuan elephant tuna 100 feet above the heap of foes and drops it like its fresh off the burning charcoal pit's grate. The impact shakes the whole plateau and the crystalline canines let out introllian yelps of pain. The fish disappearifies, revealing the three ne'er-do-wells in all their cracked majesty. QT2 and 3 slowly get up and growl weakly. QT1 remains immobilized by the fishing line.

> end it

You swiftly reel in the line and Groucho Terrier is yanked off the ground and sent flying towards you. Its met with the bottom of your boot, shattering its body and reducing it to grist. Beechiesprite morphs back into jokester predator mode and lunges right through Awkward Terrier like a pane of glass. The last hound, the one with insect parts, howl-hisses and makes a blind leap at the hero's direction

You whip the line like a lasso and let it fly, right around QT3's neck. You leap and reel yourself into your foe, firmly planting your boots right where it sternum would be. You give the mutt a taste of your subweapon, several swift tastes until the end of the oar breaks into mist of splinters, leaving only a jagged pointed end. You quickly change the way you hold it and raise it high above your head. From the depths of the brooding caverns, you strike at three! And 3 explodes into an obscene amount of grist.

[S (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heNdjTRVf5U&list=FLdcaYvCvkvT0_eZHnNme_HQ&index=8)]> Caoway: Initiate interpretive victory dance with lusus-sprite.

You perform a victory dance that incorporates the sailor's lookout, the crustacean scuttle, a high five with your lusus, heel spin, and ends with you in a victory pose with your pole slung over your shoulder and back to the fourth wall.

> Caoway: Deliver post-mortem one-liner.

CAOWAY: A/)ioS\, aholehole.
CAOWAY: G\o/) /)amn it.

You just ruined a perfectly good soundbyte with an involuntary fish pun. You hang your head in shame and wonder why you keep doing that? Could it be the mercury from all the fish you ingest? Could these be the early signs of a complete psychological breakdown?

Nah, it's probably just you being weird.

> ID: Grow bored with these antics and take your leave.

> welp had my fill of braindead crayfish jigs for right now
> time to go have another look around my new digs later asshole

You move away from the console and make your way to the entrance tunnel. Maybe now you'll notice the shiny enticing touchpad?

> ID: Go up top again and gaze upon the sprawling landscape below.

You decide to return to the top of the butter-station where you almost fell to your death not twenty minutes earlier. You secure yourself against the station's deedlybob and watch the sun set behind the skyline of an ancient ruined city. The pure majesty of this sight stirs up something inside you, a something not unlike that old Dersian mental disorder called serenity. You feel slightly saddened at the prospect of your grand plan to alter the future, as it means you will never get behold this wonderous sight. On the other hand, at least you'll live in future where you can have a rapoff against something other than plants.

That cactus did have some decent rhymes though.

> ID(?): Have a rap battle with a sagauro.

No desert plants around here, just corpses. Man, but was that a bee-essy fight you just witnessed or what! You could hardly even follow what was going on. So very lamebrained. At least it provided a nice distraction from the unpleasant reality of your current situation.

...Welp, those death notifications aren't going to write themselves.

> Be the best troll.

Dracorion

09-02-2011, 03:37 PM

> Be the best troll.

You can't be Zebrek because he's currently suffering from a severe case of deadness. (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=1111672&postcount=43)

> Who cares about that douche? Be another troll.

I said you can't be Zebrek!

> Be another troll!

GOD FINE YOU ARE NOW PAST ZEBREK ARE YOU HAPPY

> Past Zebrek: return to your cave.

You've just gotten back from playing outside with best friend, Twinkleberry.

The two of you are clearly going to be together forever. Thinking otherwise is just silly.

> Check husktop.

You manage maneuver through your toy-littered floor toward your husktop, which seems to be buzzing excitedly.

> ========>

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d13/fjgca17/ZebTrollian3.png

So many chums.

They are lining up for gratuitous huggings. Your open arms are hungry for friends, and they are poised to get a gogdamn cuddling.

> Reply to chums.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

AG: Hey you.
AG: Yeah you!
AG: Would you like to play a game?
AG: Come oooooooon I promise it won�t 8e the same as last time!
AG: I won�t manipul8 your clouder into betraying you again!
AG: Come on!!!!!!!
SH: sorry i was out playing whats up more flarping cool just gimme a moment so many chums want to talk to me im just gonna say hi
AG: God, I will never get the hang of talking to you.
AG: Don't forget I'm just asking you 8ecause all my other dum8 friends are busy!
SH: ok but can you not manipul8 i mean manipulate my clouder again i dont think he liked that
AG: Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!
AG: Just make sure to get a high8100d I mean high8lood this time.
AG: Sorry, my dum8 friend's quirk is stuck in my head.
AG: So are you done talking to those chumps now or what?
SH: hee hee of course not ive been talking to you silly
AG: Gooooooood fine I'll go convince my partner to play but when I come 8ack you 8etter 8e ready to get trounced by Team Scourge!!!!!!!!
SH: i think thats because you two are always in cahoots
AG: Cahoooooooots!!!!!!!!
AG: ::::)
AG: I'd tell you to surrender now 8ut that wouldn't 8e fun!
SH: ok lets have fun!

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

> ========>

malignantDerivative [MD] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

MD: 3xP3R1M3N7 W45 4 F41LUR3
MD: 4773MP71N6 70 M1x 50P0R 5L1M3 + M1ND H0N3Y Y13LD5 3xPL051V3 R35UL75
MD: UND3R N0 C1RCUM574NC35 SH0ULD 0N3 1NG357 M1ND H0N3Y
MD: UP0N 1NG3571N6 17 W17H 50P0R 5L1M3 1 W45 1NC4P4C17473D 4 H0UR5
MD: N071N6 P073N714L 0FF3N51V3 U53 F0R FU7UR3 R3F3R3NC3
SH: oh hey whats up what happened what do you mean incapacitated
MD: 1 W45 5UFF3R1N6 FR0M 3x7R3M3 D3LU510N5 4ND H4LLUC1N4710N5
MD: 47 50M3 P01N7 1 7H0UGH7 1 W45 4 P41L
SH: sounds like fun roleplaying can i try some can i can i
MD: 1 W0ULD N07 R3C0MM3ND 17
MD: H0W3V3R Y0U C0ULD B3 U53FUL 70 CL4R1FY 7H3 3FF3C75 45 W3LL 45 D3T3RM1N1N6 4NY 4DD1C71V3 PR0P3R7135
MD: V3RY W3LL, 1 W1LL F4C1L1T473 50M3 50P0R 5L1M3 4 Y0U
MD: Y0U C4N PR0CUR3 5L1M3 FR0M Y0UR R3CUP3R4C00N
SH: coooooool i cant wait this is gonna be soooo fuuunnnnn this is gonna be the best roleplay ever
MD: 1 W1LL 1NF0RM Y0U WH3N 1 H4V3 53N7 7H3 5L1M3
MD: 4ND WH3N 17 4RR1V35 1 W1LL 1N57RUC7 Y0U 0N H0W T0 PR0P3RLY M1X TH3 5U8574NC35
SH: ok cant wait!

malignantDerivative [MD] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

> ========>

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SEND ME.
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME.
CG: IS THAT WHY YOU SEND ME SOME SHITTY DRAWING OF SOME UGLY ASS DOG THING.
CG: ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME KILL MYSELF FROM LOOKING AT THIS TERRIBLE THING THAT MAKES ME WANT TO DRIVE A CULLING FORK INTO MY BONE BULGE.
SH: uhh no i was just showing you the drawing i made of all our friends
CG: OH JEGUS CHRIST THATS WHAT THAT THING IS.
CG: I MUST HAVE MISSED IT UNDER ALL THE SHITTY, SHITTY DRAWING SKILLS.
CG: LIKE IF I WERE BEING ASSRAPED BY A RAGING MUSCLEBEAST AS FIDUSPAWN ATE MY ENTRAILS AND I LOST ALL MY FINGERS TO A TRAGIC PAIL ACCIDENT I COULD STILL DRAW A BETTER LOOKING PIECE OF SHIT THAN THAT.
CG: HOW YOU CAN EVEN GO ON LIVING WHILE BEING SO TERRIBLE AND DUMB IS JUST MIND BOGGLING.
CG: IT'S JUST BEYOND ME.
SH: um well what i do is play around with twinkleberry and go out for food or play with my friends or talk to my friends or play with twinkleberry or draw or play by myself
SH: like last time i was playing as heavenly hornless red being and i was punching evil heavenly being and shooting them and it was awesome and then twinkleberry jumped out because he was the endboss and threw me around but then i shot back and blam blam blam blam
CG: JEGUS CHRIST SHUT UP I DON'T CARE.
CG: IF YOU WERE TO MEASURE THE SIZE OF THE SHIT I'M NOT GIVING WITH AN ANTI MEASURING STICK IT WOULD BE SO UNBIG IT WOULD CAUSE ALL OF NONREALITY TO COLLAPSE.
SH: uh ok
CG: STOP SENDING ME SHITTY DRAWINGS.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]
SH: ok i was thinking of doing one with our lususessises next time ill send it to you!

> ========>

apocalypseWizard [AW] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

AW: s0 are you finally ready t0 accept it.
AW: that we are all d00med.
SH: oh
SH: hi
SH: um i still dont know what youre talking about
AW: disaster will c0me to alternia.
AW: many will die.
AW: a desperate attempt to survive will be made by playing a game.
AW: but in the end th0se surviv0rs will be d00med too.
AW: because 0f an imp0ssible pr0t0typing.
AW: they will create an enemy that cann0t be defeated.
AW: and die.
SH: sounds like a sad story whered you hear it
AW: very well.
AW: if you refuse to accept the truth, s0 be it.

apocalypseWizard [AW] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

> ========>

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

GA: So Have You Told Her Yet
GA: You Have Certainly Been Dragging Your Feet With It Long Enough
GA: In Spite Of My Repeated Insistence That You Talk To Her If Only To Stop Wondering
GA: So Have You
SH: uh no sorry i havent whats up what about you
GA: No I Havent
GA: I Suppose I Should Stop Dragging My Feet As Well
GA: She Seems To Be Too Engrossed In Games And Roleplaying And Plundering For Me To Have A Chance To Tell Her
GA: And I Must Confess Ive Grown Accustomed To The Current Status Quo
SH: ok i got it we should both agree to confess at the same time
SH: like three days from now ok?
GA: What Is The Point Of Such An Agreement
SH: its like a friend pact were doing it at the same time to support each other
GA: Okay
GA: I Guess That Makes Sense
GA: I Will Confess In Three Days Then
GA: As Will You
GA: I Must Go Now
GA: My Lusus Seems To Require Attention
SH: ok talk to you later bye
GA: Bye

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

> ========>

bloodthirstyScallywag [BS] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

BS: ahoy tharrrrrrr!
SH: oh hi hows it going
BS: the seas be rrrrrough an the waves high but we rrrrride them with ease
SH: being a pirate is soo coooool it is isnt it i wish i could be a pirate but theres no water near my cave though i like to pretend im a pirate when i play with twinkleberry which is fun
BS: aaah, 'tis the life forrrrr me an my crrrrrew to be surrrre
BS: trrrrrrreasure and booty and a bottle of rrrrrrrrum
BS: though i dont rrrrrrrreally like that last bit but i think it be mandatorrrrrry
SH: ive never tried rum but i do like treasure and booty those are fun and shiny
BS: ye speak trrrrrrrue, matey!
BS: but tis the adventurrrrrrrre that trrrrrruely excites a pirrrrrrate
BS: battlin krrrrrraken
BS: sailin frrrrrrom coast to coast
BS: rrrrrrraidin the rrrrrrroyals
BS: gettin yerrrr ass kicked by flarrrrrperrrrrs
SH: um i dont think fighting pirates is what flarp is about
BS: tell that to those gogdamn amateurrrrrrrrs
BS: i wouldve got em too if they hadnt caught us by surrrrprrrrise
SH: well i dunno i dont think any of my flarper friends do that i think
BS: good forrrrr them
BS: then we wont have any trrrrrrrouble!
BS: you rrrrrrrreally should visit one day
SH: i really want to but my hive isnt close to any of my friends or anywhere which suuuuuuckksssssss
BS: my hive floats me hearrrrrrty
BS: just head to the nearrrrrest coast!
BS: well make a pirrrrrate of ye yet!
SH: really thatll be great really cool i cant wait to be a pirate its going to be the best thing ill be like swashbuckling and getting booty oh man oh man when can you get here come on come on
BS: well see wherrrrre the currrrrrents take me, eh?
BS: till then tell this old soul how youve been
SH: playing around with my lusus and my friends flarping and stuff and having fun its nice
BS: id love to hearrrrrr morrrrrrre
BS: but therrrrrre's a rrrrrrroyal off the porrrrrrrt bow
BS: wish me luck
SH: ok good luck have fun plunder a lot and swashbuckle and stuff

bloodthirstyScallywag's computer has been obliterated by a cannonball
SH: oh boy

> ========>

nerosAnthem [NA] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

NA: Good eeeeeevening, Zeb.
NA: I trust you aaaaare well?
NA: I aaaaaassure you, I aaaaam.
NA: My seat by the fire iiiis... quite cozy.
SH: yeah im doing okay its nice that you are whats new
NA: Currently visiting aaaaaa friend.
NA: He has been veeeeery hospitable.
SH: ooooh sounds like fun i hope youre having a good time whats your friend like
NA: Aaaaaan iiiiiimpetuous young gentleman
NA: With aaaaaa... fiery temper
SH: well i hope you have fun with your sleepover i wish i could have sleepovers but none of my friends live close and they dont want to stay in a cave
NA: Oooh, the sleepover was eeeenormous fun.
NA: I aaaaam roasting Saccharine Sponges oooover ooooour campfire.
NA: I aaaaam having to maintain it myself, but my friend was kind enough to provide the fuel.
SH: sounds like a good friend i wish i could have saccharine sponges more often but theyre hard to find around here which sucks because theyre sooooo gooooooodd im going to ask twinkleberry if we can have some
NA: Aaaaan aaaaardent friend to be sure.
NA: Aaaaaand never fear.
NA: Perhaps I can visit you oooooone day. : )
NA: Then we can roast sponges aaaaaaas friends
SH: yes i would like that someday when do you want to do it how about soon!
NA: I have many friends to visit.
NA: So many campfires to sit by.
NA: We'll see where I drift next, oooookay?
SH: ok fiiine
NA: Aaaand convey my greetings to the Colonel, please.
NA: I'm sure he longs to hear from me. : )
SH: ok i will bye talk to you later

nerosAnthem [NA] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

> ========>

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

GC: H1 TH3R3
GC: 4 L1TTL3 SP1D3R TOLD M3 W3 WOULD SOON B3 PL4Y1NG 4NOTH3R G4M3
SH: oh hi whats up yeah its gonna be fuuunnn i still have to get a clouder though i havent had the chance so many chums talking to me
GC: 4 N3W CLOUD3R?
GC: BUT YOUR OLD ON3 W4S SO MUCH FUN >: ]
SH: i dont think he appreciated being manipulated so i dont think he wants to play again im just going to ask someone else dont know who yet
SH: you two are so hard to beat being so much in cahoooooots
SH: cahoots i say
GC: C4HOOTS 4R3 4 GR34T 4ND WOND3FUL TH1NG
GC: YOUR3 NOT M4D THOUGH >:?
SH: well i know you two were having fun which is good and our games are always really fun but my clouders dont seem to think so i guess theyre a bit upset
GC: H3H3H3H3H3
GC: P3RH4PS TH3Y 4R3 S1MPLY FRUSTR4T3D
GC: ST1LL
GC: B31NG 4 B4D LOS3R 1SNT 4 CR1M3
SH: i guess itd be silly to be hanged from the gallows for something like that
GC: YOU C4N B3 H4NG3D FOR 4NY D33D YOU C4N 1M4G1N3
GC: 4ND SOM3 YOU C4NT
GC: TH4T 1S TH3 B3ST TH1NG 4BOUT TH3 L3G4L SYST3M
GC: BUT 4NYW4Y
GC: TH4TS NOT WHY 1 W4NT3D TO T4LK
SH: ok whats up what did you want to talk about
GC: 1 W4NT3D TO G1V3 YOU 4 F41R W4RNING
GC: M1NDF4NG PROM1S3D NOT TO M4NIPUL4T3 YOUR CLOUD3R
GC: BUT W3 N3V3R S41D 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT NOT M4N1PULT4T1NG YOU
SH: i thought that stuff didnt work on me because my blood was high and glowy or something
GC: TH3R3S MOR3 TH4N ON3 W4Y TO SK1N 4 CL4WB34ST
GC: NOT TH4T 1 WOULD
GC: SOM3 OF MY B3ST FR13NDS 4R3 CL4WB34STS
GC: BUT YOU G3T TH3 P1CTUR3 >: ]
SH: i dont think i do but whatever ill get a clouder soon and we can start playing itll be fun like always okay
GC: 1 LOOK FORW4RD TO 1T

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

> ========>

smartyMcbarrelpants [SM] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

SM: greetings COMRADE
SH: oh hey whats up dude hows it going im doin fine havin fun talking to friends and playing around what about you
SM: playing? this is not a time for games
SM: the REVOLUTION will soon be AT HAND
SM: cast off your SHACKLES
SH: um im not wearing shackles though and i dont want to take off my clothes
SM: CHAINS then?
SM: YOKES OF SERVITUDE?
SH: uh nope
SM: fuck
SM: though you are a victim of our CLASS SOCIETY arent you?
SH: i dont think so
SM: okay but youre still joining in the GLORIOUS UPRISING right?
SH: um uprising to do what
SM: FREE ourselves from HIGHBLOOD REPRESSION
SM: they are VILE AND DECADENT OPPRESSORS
SM: look im sure i explained this to you before
SH: i dunno i dont remember there were a lot of big words but i dont really get what youre talking about
SP: okay look imagine a bunch of i dunno saccharine sponges
SM: and the highbloods and the royals have all the sponges and they dont wanna share them allright
SM: and i think thats wrong and we should have some sponges as well
SH: i dunno a lot of my friends are highbloods and i think theyd share their sponges if they lived close to me
SM: CLASS TRAITOR
SM: uh i mean GOOD FOR YOU
SM: okay so you know some nice highbloods but they arent all nice some of them are FILTHY OPPORTUNISTS
SM: and im thinking if they dont wanna share their sponges we just have to make them share
SM: its only fair
SH: i dont really know any bad highbloods though or bad trolls really why would anyone be bad
SM: okay look forget about the highbloods this is all about the sponges
SM: you like sponges right?
SH: um yeah but i dont want to be mean and take anyones itd be nice if they could share
SM: okay you know what how about you sit out the REVOLUTION
SM: well share our sponges with you afterwards kay?
SH: ok thanks a lot i really like sponges!
SM: anything for my COMRADES...

smartyMcbarrelpants [SM] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

> ========>

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

AA: hi there!
AA: i just found an interesting rock!
AA: how was your day?
SH: okay i was playing with twinkleberry a lot it was fun a rock huh is it shiny there used to be neat shiny stuff like that around my cave but lately i havent found any i think i got them all
SH: but i still have fun dressing up and pretend shooting and playing with my toys and playing with my friends
AA: thats good!
AA: im glad you have fun
SH: oh right
SH: ag and gc want to play flarp with me but i need a clouder will you be my clouder
AA: playing with those two?
AA: are you sure you can keep up?
SH: well they always beat me but our games are always fun i just want a clouder they cant manipulate this time then i might win
AA: ok sure ill be your clouder!
AA: we need a cool name to compete with team scourge though
AA: hmmmmmmmm
SH: what about team awesome or team red or team sparklyshines or wait wait i got it
SH: we can be team extreme
SH: its the best because it rhymes
AA: hehehe
AA: i like it!
AA: the scourge sisters better watch out for team extreme!
SH: ok let me just finish talking to some chums and then we can play itll be great
AA: ill be waiting!

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

> ========>

sanguineVanguard [SV] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

SV: HAlt! Who goes there!?
SH: um its me you know whats up how are you
SV: Are yOU imPLYing that I DOn't know who you ARe!?
SH: well you asked so i dunno
SV: HarUMPH!
SV: It's the PRINciple of the thing!
SV: Wouldn't exPECt a ciVILLian to understand!
SH: i dont think i do
SH: oh right na said hida
SV: He ASKed you to say HI?!
SV: Can't even FACE me now?!
SV: What, is he too BUsy trying on drESSes for his TEA parties in between setting my MEN's hives on FIre?!
SH: um i dunno he said he was having a sleepover with a friend and he told me to say hi
SV: By GOG, if I ever get my HAnds on him, I will REAch up his protein chute, TEAR out his liver and SHOve it down his windhole!
SV: See him TRY set things on fire when he's CHOking on his internal organs!
SH: um wow ok well you two kismets should really try to talk out your problems im not sure im the best person to auspistice
SV: How DAre you!?
SV: He's no KISmesis of mine! A TROll who doesn't have the GUts to DUel me when I challenge him has NO place in my QUAdrants!
SV: Though a few good trolls have gone AWOL! >: (
SV: He'll PAy for that!
SH: well that sucks i hope you find your friends!
SV: I fear that I WOn't! And that I why I must find HIM inSTEAd!
SV: That does not mean ANYthing though, are we clEAR on that?!
SH: ok sure fine
SV: And now my TROOps call!
SV: We are Oskar Mike to point D, 12 clicks south!
SV: Weapons hot, FAW!
SV: MOVE OUT!
SH: aye aye capn!
SV: I SWEar, if you were in my boot camp...
SV: I mean !

sanguineVanguard [SV] ceased trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

> ========>

galileosHarbinger [GH] began trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

GH: Th� m��n �s �n th� s�v�nth h��s�.
GH: �ne �f th�m �s, �nyw�y
GH: � kind� l�st tr�ck
SH: thats neat hey whats up how are you
GH: St�ll pr�ct�c�ng th� myst�c�l �rt of d�v�n�t��n
GH: �s h�nd�d d�wn by my �nc�st�rs pr�b�bly
SH: thats cool i like stars theyre really shiny have you divined anything yet
GH: �hm...
GH: Y�s �f c��rs� n�w � s��!
GH: Th� st�rs th�y t�ll m� th�t...
GH: W��t...
GH: Y�� r� �ll d��m�d! Y�s.
SH: buh?
SH: you sound like my other friend he keeps saying that
GH: W��t wh�t
GH: H�w d�r� h� st��l my �d��s
SH: i dont know about that i dont think he has that wouldnt really make sense how would he do it
GH: D� n�t q��st��n my �rc�n� kn�wl�dg�!
SH: um ok but still its a really weird divination
SH: i really like stars though sometimes twinkleberry and i just go out and look up at them for a long long time
GH: Y�s, th�y �r� b��t�f�l �r�n't th�y
GH: �v�n wh�n y�� d�n't c�mm�n� w�th th�m l�ke � d�
SH: i know right theyre so bright and shiny
GH: �nd d�n't f�rg�t tw�nkly
GH: S�me�n� sh��ld wr�t� � s�ng �b��t th�t
SH: anyway what else is up with you
GH: My L�s�s h�s b��n b�gg�ng m� t� g�t ��t m�r�
SH: you really should twinkleberry and i have all the fun outside all of it its the best thing
GH: �h? Wh�t �s �t y�� d�?
SH: we play games and pretend fight and run around and play tag and climb and fight feralhounds its fun
GH: My l�s�s �s n�t �n� f�r g�m�s.
GH: B�t m�yb� � w�ll g�v� �t �n�th�r try
SH: you really should its a lot of fun
SH: oh crap i forgot i have a game to play with my friends and im late bye ill talk to you later be safe!

spectacularHellion [SH] ceased being trolled by galileosHarbinger[GH]

> Past Zebrek: frag some bitches.

You excitedly step out of your hive to play Flarp with your buds and frag some bitches.

Woohoo!

> Be the worst troll.

Intern Nin

09-03-2011, 01:08 AM

> Be FUTURE Caoway.

You are now Caoway of the near future. You find yourself on an island full of lush foliage and vines, which you appearified next to after you entered the first gate. You have just spent the last few minutes meeting with the native folks and engaging your friends in some embarrassing conversations, the logs of which would prove to be a most humorous read. Right now you are scampering through the brush, chasing after a winged imp, who stole your only husktop just as you were about to start serving your client. Accompanying you is a small reptile who may in fact be the worst fisherperson to have ever picked up a rod.

What will you do?

> FUTURE Caoway: Kill the imp.

You would kill this winged imp what nabbed your husktop if you could just get your hook into it! Stupid thing keeps fluttering just out of reach. Stupid wings. You are going to sock whoever is responsible for giving these guys the ability to fly.

And, to make this situation that much more unbearable, this spastic crocodile thing refuses to stop fidgeting and shut his nek-hole. Damn it, Gil! That book isn't really haunted and it's not going to kill you, it was just a misanthropic friend from another planet, who may or may not suffer from Asperger's, being a sopping sack of globes and messing with you! Why can't you understand this incredibly confusing fact?

> FUTURE Caoway: Shoot the bastard.

Nah, he's annoying sure but he hasn't done anything to warrant an early retirement. Oh you mean the imp. Well, genius, if you were to shoot this imp, you'll probably destroy the husktop along with it and would thus have effectively killed the aforementioned friend. Friend-killing is still counter-productive by the way.

> FUTURE Caoway: Placate companion.

You thrust the decrepit pole-and-line you found earlier unto Gil's claws. He asks what exactly is this knick-knack that you just gave him? You tell him that it is mystical artifact that protects whoever wears it from evil spirits that possess books. Really he asks. Yes really, you reply, and also it grants the wearer unparalleled maritime lifeform reaping prowess. He neks in confusion. It means that you will be a great fishercaiman, you clarify. He lets out an excited nek and swings it around with reckless abandon. You urge him to go back to the cove and try it out. Oh yesssss he cries out and then bids you a farewell before scampering away. There, now you can murder the imp in peace.

> FUTURE Caoway: Sneak up on imp.

The little shit's perched on limangoran nut tree hanging over the water, looks like he's trying to gnaw on the husktop. Stupid fuckwit. You slowly circle around, cautious placing each step so that you don't accidentally snap a twig or some other clich�. You put away the rod, for with all of the growth in this area it will most likely get caught on something, and take out your awesome new oar. Steal your husktop? You better believe that's a paddling.

Slosh. Slish. Slosh. Slish. Slosh. Slish. Your heartbeat falls in rhythm with the ebb and flow of the surf as you climb the trunk and draw near to your prey. You must leave nothing to chance, for you see you have already wasted enough time chasing this thing and your friend could very well be a smoking smear in the ground so why are doing this stupid parallelism bullshit? Enough waiting, just do it do it do it! Smash smash smash SMASH! Oh YEAAAAH you're a pile grist now you- oh no. The imp dissolves into grist and you look on stupidly as the husktop falls right down into the ocean with a big kerplunk.

Way to go, numbglobes.

> FUTURE Caoway: Inform Client about the latest development.

You message Derpah and tell him what has transpired and try to assure him to wait just a little bit longer. He doesn't message you back immediately. This worries you.

> FUTURE Caoway: Descend.

You prepare for a short underwater expedition but unfortunately we can't show this to you because it involves an outfit that you haven't yet alchemised. And that would ruin the surprise. So why don't you be someone else.

> CURRENT Caoway: Make a face at the imps milling around your hive.

You are now Caoway of the present (or recent past, it's pretty hard to keep track.) just after you did your first victory interpretive dance inside the medium. You make a scary face that, coupled with a sudden and well timed flash of lightning, sends the loitering imps running straight off the edge of the cliff. Looks like you frighten them more than the hounds do. These cowardly bilgerats won't dare mess with you now, so you should be safe to walk around, at least until the next prototyping anyway.

> Caoway: Climb Echeladder.

That last victory against three x3 prototyped minions earned you so much notoriety, it's practically unthinkable for someone who entered their land less than two hours ago. You rise to new heights like no one's business. Past EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS, over GROUPER GRUB, above SCUPPER SPRAT. Hell, even the likes of ANGLE BIGHTER, LIKE A STURGEON, SURLY URCHIN, UNDERBITE UPSTART, SALTY NINNY, SAND LOBBER, ANCHOR CRANKER, SHORE LEAVER, and SEA-LEGGED SOURPUSS are so far beneath you they may as well be in the orlop.

Dear player, you are now situated upon the legendary rung of the BUOY-SEASHARK and sport the handsome goatee/half-mustache combo that comes with it! Your GEL VISCOSITY increases significantly and your already sizable MANGRIT has risen a bit as well.

> Caoway: Get paid.

BOONDOLLARS shoot out like cloud vapor from a sky whale's spout. Your CERAMIC PORKHALLOW is swimming through this pool of new found wealth like some kind of a water fowl business tycoon with a silly inaccurate accent. You're pretty sure that this is something to be excited about even though you have no idea what these coins are for.

> Caoway: Pick up grist and retrieve your bell.

You scamper around and gather up the fresh minion leavings. Most of the grist in your inventory numbers in quadruple digits now, but the cache limit has expanded as well so you can still feel like you haven't horded nearly enough materials. For clarification, you now have 2460 Build Grist, 1201 Calcium, 592 Quartz, and 312 Silica.

As for the cup and clanger, it's still at the end of your line so you just reel it in. Or what's left of it anyway. That's what happens you drop the full brunt of a useless tool plus his buddies and a giant cruxite fish on top of an antique.

> Caoway: Mourn the loss of your beloved keepsake.

It was a good instrument and it served you well these many sweeps. You'll miss it, but really it's not something worth sobbing in the corpse pile over. Besides it's the memories attached to it that you care about, not the object itself. You drop it off the cliff and never look back.

> Caoway: Tend to wounds.

The gel cubes dropped by the hounds restored your vial to full health, but they didn't do much for the two grievous wounds you sustained earlier. You pull off your sweater and apply some of the mind honey to the cuts and wrap them up with cruxite gauze and bandages produced by your loyal spirit guide. There's still the matter of blood loss as well. You're actually feeling tiny bit dizzy, in fact. As it happens, you have just the thing in your Sustenance Storage Block to fix this. The thing that you absolutely cannot stand the taste of.

> Caoway: Go to the outdoor block.

You move east and arrive in front one of the offshoots of your hive. The door swings to reveal that you have indeed mixed up blocks again, for this is the loadgaper and it is currently occupied by an imp with televisions for eyes who is vandalizing one of your journals. He freezes mid-page-tear and stares up at you with the most pitiable look of embarrassment imaginable, like a ramraptor who's ward just walked in on the beast as it was humping the furniture.

> Caoway: Send him to a watery grave.

You don't really know what a grave is since trolls don't bury their dead, they either just leave them where they drop or, if they're like you, take the body home and stuff and mount it. Still, death by liquid is definitely in this imp's future. You grab it by the top of its head and dunk it face first into the gaper. The imp splutters and struggles but you continue to force its face under. Finally it goes limp and explodes into grist.

> Caoway: Go to the other outdoor block.

You scurry over the the Sustenance Storage Block and swing the door open to reveal... more imps. These ones appear to be having a mock sword battle with your pickled miniature marlins. They halt their pretend skirmish as soon as you open the door and then they try to charge you. Looks like certain imps didn't see the scary face. Sucks to be them.

========>

In a spray of splinters and grist, two new portals are punched into the block from within. That'll learn 'em. Well, they would've learned a lesson if you hadn't punched them into grist anyway.

> Caoway: Do what you came here to do.

You were just about to. Here's what you came in for, this nauseating rainbow-colored bunch of big nut looking things hanging in the net here. These here are what are known as LIMANGORAN-NUTS, a very common type of tropical produce found on islands in the tropics of Alternia and one of the key ingredients in FRUIT TROLL-UPS. These things are highly valued by sailors as they are loaded with all the vitamins and nutrients that keep a seaman STRONG. They're the best thing around for preventing scurvy and they are even proven to help with bloodloss and accelerate the healing process.

You absolutely despise these things. The stupidly colored shells, the overly-sweet tie-dye milk, and the flesh that has the consistency of wet shag carpeting. You hate eating these things, but considering the pounding you just took and all, you don't really have a choice.

You pluck one out and pierce the shell with your pointy horn. Okay, here it goes.

========>

Ugh, yuck.

========>

Gross.

========>

Oh lord, this is so deliriously biznasty. It's taking everything you've got to not bluh right now!

========>

Uck, here comes the solid parts...

========>

It's... DONE.

It wasn't easy but you devoured all the edible parts of that awful thing. Already you can feel the restorative properties of the nut working their magic. Except it isn't really magic, it's simple science. Magic is fake. You want to know what's real? This taste in your mouth, ugh!

You chew on a few salt-cured kippers to rid your tongue of that awful sugary taste. Much better. It's a shame you're not an accomplished gourmancer, otherwise you could taken that nut and used it to make a much more palatable dish.

> Caoway: Stop being a baby and go get the grist.

You don't really know what exactly you were called just now but you take offense to that! That stuff was seriously disgusting and warranted making faces expressing that disgust. Anyways, you captchalogue the LIMANGORAN-NUTS ( thus ejecting the canvas onto a pickle barrel) and walk outside. You pick up the grist dropped by the imps you pulverized and notice a few grists over near the stump. Strange, you don't remember battling anything over there.

> Caoway: Gather up stump grist.

You walk over and gather up the unaccounted for building materials. There appears to be something else here as well.

========>

That something is a very dirty and very old side-arm. From warmth of barrel and the smell of cordite, this has been fired recently. Of course, it's a wonder this thing could even fire at all. The gun is covered in patches of rust, the trigger guard is broken off, the wood on the grip is all but rotted away, and the slide is stuck so the darn thing can't load another round into the chamber. By your conservative estimate, this thing must be at least 9000 sweeps old. Yes, that sounds right. You quite sure that that is the correct age of this artifact.

But this begs the question, where did this gun come from? From here in the medium? Or was it always on your island to begin with? If so, where was it hidden until now?

> Caoway: Put down the gun and step away from the stump.

Put it... down? Why would you do that?

Just kidding, you place it next to stump and spot a small hole amidst the roots. Could the gun have come from under the stump?

> Caoway: Flip the stump up like it were the hinged covering to an underground tunnel.

What do you know, it worked. You don't find a tunnel but a large chest instead! Outrageous! To think that there was ancient gamblinant booty hidden on your island this entire time, who could've guessed? Well, maybe it's not that surprising, since you found your first mementos in the blast crater where you built your hive. But you bet there's some cooler stuff in this chest than a cup-and-clanger and a book written in moon-speak.

> Caoway: Present time, present time! Open a present, see what's inside

According to the Alternian laws of the sea, since you found this buried vault before the original owner could come back and claim it, you are now the rightful owner and thus entitled to all of it contents! You pull the chest out of the hole, noting a small hole in the side of it where the gun no doubt fell out, and pop open the top. Let's see what we got-

========>

First up is a ratty old SEAFARER'S OVERCOAT. Looks like that breach in the box allowed some dirt creatures make a meal out most of it, the ends of the sleeves and tails are in tatters. Kind of a disappointing find, really. Though it might be exciting to imagine whoever wore it originally. These kinds of coat are usually reserved for high ranking officers in the conquisterminators, so it's very likely that the original owner was the captain of a military ship. Hey, that's not an exciting thought at all, that just means that holding some ancient slit-neck's dirty laundry! Argh!

Oh wait, you turn it around and see the insignia on the back. It's that letter that looks like anchor, like the one you have on your sweater, in your blood color no less. However, the letter has been emblazoned with it smashing through the common wavy letter reserved for the ruling class, making it look like an anchor crashing into the waves. You are left in awe at this brilliant use of symbolism, representing someone of your blood overcoming the control of royalty.

It's pretty clear now that whoever owned this was a seafarer with their own ship, had zero respect for caste system, and apparently didn't like royals all that much. Now they seem a lot more interesting. Well, as interesting as a long dead person can be anyway.

> Caoway: Wear the coat. Be the captain.

You can't really be the captain if you don't have a ship to command. And a real ship mind you, not like the dinghy you got parked in the lawnring. Plus, you're not the leaderly type.

And this thing is really dirty and itchy, not to mention far too big for you. You're practically swimming in this torn up piece of shit. The person who wore this must have been freaking huge. You take it off and throw it on top of the flipped up stump. You don't think you'll be wearing this article of clothing, although you might be inclined to borrow the symbol. It is pretty darn rad.

========>

Okay, what else do we got in here? It appears to be an ANCIENT POLE-AND-LINE. Look at this thing, weapons grade steel line! Motorized winch for auto-reel action! A telescopic pole so it can be as long or as short as need be! Built-in tacklifier with magnetronic homing hooks for enemies, grist, and hookable points which you can use for scaling up walls! And what has to the best grip in the whole of paradox-space! This is the kind of pole-and-line that one would use to fish for kings! With a tool like this in your hands, you could power through the rest of the game without breaking a sweat!

Or at least you would if this thing weren't centuries old and a decrepit piece of garbage. Guess you'll have to stick with old reliable for now.

========>

Next up is... oh wow, a VINTAGE FETCH MODUS CONTROL DECK! Sharl's always been trying to get you to buy one of these things off him but you could never scrape together enough caegers or valuable goods for trading. Finding one of these just sitting around like it's no big deal in your own lawnring is such an amazing discovery, you're on the verge of going into hysterics. And, unlike all the other things in this chest, this thing is made of nintendium, that special kind of material that is sure to never break down, no matter how many sweeps have past. That means that you can actually use this thing! And looks like it came packed with a dozen captchalogue cards and two modus cartridges! Outrageous! It's like 12th perigee's eve up in here!

> Caoway: Fool around with the modus.

You give the first cartridge a blow and put it in. This one is called the TOP CURRENT MODUS, it moves the artifacts in your sylladex around based on the temperature of the objects, which you aren't really sure how the modus determines. With this on, the artifacts are always being washed around and the one available to you is constantly being changed. Well, at least you can see where which artifact is where, rather than mucking about waiting for a bite. Still, you imagine this will get old fast.

Next up is the FATHOM MODUS, which is a lot like the TIDAL MODUS except you can store much larger objects and is based on buoyancy. The downside to this is that as you gain more items, you run the risk of the heavier artifacts sinking too far down in the sylladex and getting crushed by the pressure. This one seems like a double headed culling fork to you.

> Caoway: Slap on all of the modii.

Not wanting to waste time with trying x2 combinations, you just put all the modii in at once. This transforms your SYLLADEX into a full blown OCEAN MODUS, with buoyant artifacts being carried along slowly in shipping lanes, moving from one end of SYLLADEX to the other and then back again, with things occasionally washed on the shore for easy access. Heavier objects sink down but you can keep them from going down too far if they're placed just before the continental shelf. Best of all, you can still fish things out but now you can actually see what your getting. The bad parts are that this now functions entirely like the OCEAN, and the moon, temperature and weather all effect it now. And if it washes things out, it'll be in a much bigger way.

Still this is pretty goddamn cool. Another victory for the fishertroll. You wonder what else is in this chest.

========>

And you find... a laminated note written in more of that gobbledygook. Probably nothing important. You place it back in and pull out the last object, a stuffed and mounted bass. The fact that it has survived all these sweeps and remained mostly intact is testament to the owner's superb taxidermy skills. Not that impressive though, you got like a million more like this- Hold the sails, is that a button? Could this possibly be?

You've often heard tales of ancient MARITIME LIFEFORM REAPERS who drove whole aquatic species into extinction and one those being the legendary BASS OF DANCEWORTHY CROONING. Some say that they found a way to preserve the creature's voice even after death, allowing for all to enjoy their wonderful melodies long after they were gone. It is told that to hear its soul soothing serenade is to know true beauty and everlasting inner peace.

> Caoway: press button.

You do just that.

========>

The fish turns its head and lets loose a volley of machine-gun fire from its open mouth that just barely misses your head and perforates an imp who was sneaking up behind you. You drop the fish immediately and tuna-roll to safety.

========>

Well, that was obviously a booby trap. The chest's previous owner might've been a bit of a nut. You really need to be more careful and not just go pressing buttons because some idiots say it's a great idea. You quickly store all these objects plus the chest in your sylladex.

> Caoway: Hey, what's with the imps?

What is with them? They all look different, sort of kangarooish. Does that one have a question mark? Uh-oh, there must have been another entry or two. Now these guys are feeling a bit more courageous and are beginning to circle you.

> Caoway and Beechiesprite: Punch your way through the crowd while yelling out demoralizing names at the imps.

BRIGANDS!

SCALLYWAGS!

BILGE-RATS!

FRESHWATER SWABS!

JELLYFISH FONDLERS!

SALTY SWINES!

TROGLODYTES!

ENDOPLASMS!

FUCKERS!

Okay, you've run out of salty vernacular and have made it inside your hive. You close the hatch and have Beechiesprite place a big grouper in front of it. Now would be a fantastic time to get some new gear. You hope that Leraje is feeling up to it.

> Caoway: Troll Server.

MC: Ahoy, Lera/je.
MC: Um, are you feelinG\ okay now?
MC: BecauS\e I really nee/) S\ome help.

========>

Arcanum

09-24-2011, 01:20 PM

> Be the client Troll

You have no idea what a troll is, and quite frankly you find the concept of being one rather appalling. You will not humor this blasphemous concept any further.

> Oh god no. Please don't be an exile. The rapper is bad enough.

Years in the future, but not many...

> Fuck.

A Pensive Pariah passively peruses a peculiar monitor. However, the Pariah refuses to interact with the monitor; his days of speaking are over, even if it's just in text form. Typing while under a vow of silence is a rather serious offense.

> Be the Pensive Pariah

You are now the Pensive Pariah. You are currently trapped inside a METAL POD of some sort. It might be a CAPSULE, but you prefer to think of it as a POD because it sounds nicer. Regardless, there is a large terminal on one of the walls, with sixteen monitors. A hexadecamonitor, if you will. Fortunately all of the screens are blank, and you refuse to fiddle with the machine due to the previously mentioned VOW OF SILENCE. It would be awfully tempting to interact with the terminal if something suitably enticing were to be shown. The rest of the walls in the pod are rather plain, just a few locked compartments and wires and such. Standard fare for a mysterious pod found in the desert ruins of an ancient civilization.

> PP: Croak like a frog and shit on the monitor.

Such an act of reckless defecation would be utterly blasphemous, and you refuse to contemplate the act any further. However, you do consider breaking your vow of silence to utter the most sacred of noises... No! You can't! The vow must not be broken for He is watching your every-wait what's this?

> PP: Examine monitor

One of the screens on the hexadecamonitor flickers to life and unlocks, tempting you further to break your vow. But you see no reason to bring further shame upon yourself because of some spiky-haired kid and a black-carapaced agent. Wait... no... it can't be. But yes, it is! The UNHOLY BLASPHEMER himself is on this very monitor!

> PP: Quick! Warn Reztek about Jack and his blaspheming ways!

You understand now. You realize why the Glorious Amphibian cast you out. Even now He croaks to you, and once again you have a purpose. The vow must be broken. So it was croaked, so it shall be.

> Child. You there child. Cease all this scheming about.

The child's name is Reztek and he is too busy scheming to stop scheming.

> We are all children of the Genesis. Names matter not under His bulbous gaze.

Well you might elicit a better response if you used his name.

>The Unholy Blasphemer's name shall not pass my lips nor escape the tips of my claws.

Oh my what a completely shocking twist! Get it? Because you were supposed to think PP was talking about Jack, not Reztek. Man what a suspense-filled ten seconds that was.

> Child cease scheming at once or prepare to face the wrath of the Holiest of Frogs.

EO: And tHen wE can FinaLly gEt to Work ExilIng tHe quEen rIght?
EO: So to Do thAt we Can sTart By haVing Her fAce tHe wrAth oF the HoliEst oF froGs
EO: Wait What Did i Just SayoH fucK don'T staB me aGain.

> Dispatch this Dersian threat at once child so that we may begin your reformation.

Reztek is no longer heeding your advice because there is currently a knife a hairsbreadth away from remodeling his wind pipe. Maybe if you just hit the arrow command a few times this will be resolved with minimal bloodshed.

> Very well
> ==>==>==>==>==>

Oh goddammit that is nowhere near the right syntax.

> ==>This system is confusing==>
> ==>Why is nothing happening?==>==>==>

Ok that's it I'm taking over again. Go explore the capsule or something.

> It's a pod.

Lalalalala can't hear you.

> PP: Be Reztek.

You are now Reztek.

> Reztek: Freak out.

You are starting to freak out a bit with all these arrows jutting impudently into your mind. You're not even sure how you know there are arrows jutting into your mind, let alone in an impudent manner, but it's upsetting and not helping the knife-at-your-throat situation.

EO: Ok i gEt it You hAte fRogs.
EO: NeveR likEd thEm muCh mySelf EithEr
EO: So caN you PleaSe noT cut Open My prOteiN chuTe?

========>

Jack, after a moment's hesitation, obliges and puts away his knife. He seems to have an idea as to what's going on. Clearly the Prospitians have developed a way to convert these kids to their illegal worship without being anywhere near them. Yes that is clearly what's going on, Jack is sure of it.

> Reztek: Continue scheming

You would love to continue scheming but it seems Jack is uneasy about something other than your illegal behavior. He says there are more minions on the way. He says he will help a bit since there's still more scheming to be done, but that you need to get some better gear first.

> Reztek: Message Vintag about setting up more Alchemy tools

You run down to the sub-basement and find that you don't need to message Vintag at all. She has somehow found the time to deploy the Punch Designix. It's time you got to work.

========>

Bard The 5th LW

09-24-2011, 10:16 PM

> Leraje: Ride monster like a mechanical bull.

The Banshee thrashes left and right trying to force Leraje to dismount. Chains clang and become entangled, but the creature does not relent. With its birdlike talons, it attempts to reach behind itself to shake off the young troll, but it can only deal several fleeting scratches upon the Mage's face.

It continues to howl and wail as it storms out the halls of the hive, Leraje still latched on tightly. A nearby IRON IMP clamps ts claws onto its ears, but still explodes into Grist due to the high pitched screaming.

Once outside the confines of the HIVE, the beast soars upwards beyond the roof, and for a fleeting moment, Leraje finds himself almost withing leaping distance of the FIRST GATE. Its only fleeting though. Within moments, the Banshee lets go of its flight and begins to crash back towards the ground at frightening speeds.

*THUD*

Leraje hits the ground with a sickening crash. His limbs ache, and his health bar has dropped almost halfway. He seems to still be able to walk though, so nothing is broken - at least not severely. The BANSHEE wasn't so lucky, and a pile of TAR and BUILD grist litters the ground all across Leraje's little Island above the chasm.

========> (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e056R97svz8)

*CLANG *

*clang*

*CLANG*

It was almost as though Aldurin was being taunted by the sound. It fluctuated in tone, as though he was moving in distance. A loud echo, as though he was right behind you, and a soft din as though he was still outside the Hive. It was an odd thought, was a drone really sentient enough to intentionally try to frighten someone? There appearance alone usually had the affect in and of itself.

*clang*

Oh shut up.

The meteor was drawing nearer. It wasn'tt even that one meteor either. Although the one that loomed above the greyblood's laboratory easily dwarfed almost all the rest that were assailing Alternia's surface, it was not alone. The sky itself lit up brightly as the metal balls of fire cascaded through the clouds. The oceans were in turmoil, the land was ruptured. It was clear to anyone who may have once doubted that this was the end of days for Alternia.

*CLANG*

And the only thing that stood between Aldurin and survival was this monster. With nothing but two dented buckets in hand, it cracked a hole through the tightly sealed walls, two bright red eyes glaring at the conduit through the crack he had created. A large, clawed hand shot through the hole, looking almost as though there was a gauntlet over it, and it pulled backwards ripping away more of the foundation with its immense strength.

Aldurin was in the mythical state of PERIL THREEFOLD. The meteor hovered overhead, the drone was right at his wall, and he still needed his server to come through for the last moments he had.

Was he up to the task?

========>

As Reztek runs down to the SUB BASEMENT, Jack takes a moment to pull out a crumpled PARKING CITATION and QUILL and scrawls down 6 figures on the paper. On the top margin, it reads TARGETS.

There seems to be 5 BLACK CARAPACES and 1 WHITESHELLED DELINQUENT put down for elimination, accompanied by crude drawings and a title.

He then descends down the stairs behind Reztek, withdrawing the list and handing it to him. He says they will discuss the specifics of the figures later, but they need to die for real progress. He also draws his knife once more, and pushes it towards the musician. This time however, it was not a gesture of hostility, but rather one of generosity. His open palm contained the clean and slick BAIT AND SWITCH BLADE, light gleaming off of its black surface.

"You were helpless back there," he says with a bit of a snarl. "You'll need a weapon to be useful." How thoughtful of him.

>Be the Doctor

You are now Nasryl, working off some loose definition of the word 'doctor'. You find yourself still crying like a wriggler in your operating room after entry, but your tears slowly dissipate as something dawns on you.

It smells awful here! God, its as though an ODOR VERMIN walked in, dropped a big load on the carpet, and then died. You stumble out of the cramped and bloodstained room and into the LOBBY. You need to get in contact with your server.

You open your OPERATION MODUS revealing a large figure of a PATIENT. To obtain the items from your clunky inventory, you have to retrieve it with SURGEON LIKE PRECISION. If you mess up, then the patient makes this annoying as fuck honking noise and the item gets lodged deeper into the patient's body, becoming harder to fish out. If you fail to many times, the PATIENT becomes a CADAVER and you have to perform an autopsy to find your items, which takes a very long time.

Reaching into your pocket, you pull out your pair of tweezers and slowly reach in to getthe card with your HUSKTOP.

Carfully... wait for it... steady... YES! You are KING of this game! At least you are an ace fake doctor. The yellow HUSKTOP is now safely in your hands. You open up the device and find that Aldurin has already contacted you.

-- technopathicalAnomaly [TA] began trolling hazardousPracticioner [HP] --

TA: hEy Nasryl, I cAn sEE yOU stAndIng thErE
TA: gEt OvEr It, I thInk thE tEsts ArE sUppOsEd tO pUsh Us
TA: AdmIttEdlY thE fIrst fEw sEEmEd rAthEr EAsY fOr thEm
TA: pOInt Is, mY sErvEr Is bEIng . . . dIffIcUlt, sO I hAvE tImE tO hElp yOU OrIEnt yOUrsElf
TA: And hIs cOmpUtEr wAs jUst vAndAlIzEd sO I nEEd tO dO sOmEthIng sO I dOn't frEAk OUt
HP: Xh gXg what is that smell! This place is terrible.
HP: Wait, what are yXu planning Xn dXing?
TA: bUIld yOUr hIvE UpwArds, thAt wAy yOU cAn gEt tO thE shIny AbstrActIOn flOAtIng AbOvE yOU
TA: I'd AlsO bUIld bArrIcAdEs bUt wAlls dOn't sEEm tO dEtEr thEsE trEspAssErs
TA: hAng On, Caoway's tAlkIng tO mE, I'll gEt bAck tO yOU In A mOmEnt
HP: Wait, trespassers?
HP: Aldurin?
HP: Xh shitsticks.

You look up from your computer to see a SULFURIC IMP is glaring right at you from the other end of the hallway. You panic as it slowly approaches you, and in your indecision, you charge right at it in a frenzy. It is stunned as you collide with it, pushing it over, and you head for the stairs to find higher ground.

=======>

http://sadpanda.us/images/668863-SMEU0VW.gif

You are now Glissa and you are flipping the fuck out.

-- bathorysIllustrator [BI] has begun trolling spectacularHellion [SH] --

BI: DEare jeguS
BI: WHY IS IT SO FUCKINGE HOT HERE
BI: sdegf

You briefly flop on the ground like a beached fish before giving a weak glub and falling unconscious.

>Years in the Future...

..but not many.

A CASTOFF SCROUNGER looks over the large screen presented before him with shifty eyes. His head barely rises above the keyboard, and he awkwardly raises a stocky white arms to type in a message.

>Girl, stop all this lying around

>Seriously wake up

>WAKE UP

The squat carapace, garbed in torn canvas and ducts tape, gives a grunt in annoyance. And she had the nerve to call him a layabout! As far as he could see, she was still asleep, but then, there is always more than what one sees on the surface.

>Be someone who isn't pathetic

You fail. You are now a MARBLE IMP, and you have been sent to enact a HIT against the KEEPER. There is a bit of a discrepancy with what you set out to do, and what you are going now however. To put it bluntly, he's a cold blooded dude. You hid like a pansy behind a large BOOKSHELF after you saw what he did to another one of your comrades. No hesitation in his eyes, he just messed that guy up. A pile of grist in one second flat. You never even knew that someone could do that with a book.

He saw you as you ran as well. You know it. Just a slight cock of the head in your direction and you took off. Behind those tinted glasses of his was malice though, you could feel it. The soft tapping of his shoes grow nearer as you breathe heavily. You're exhausted, but he's only been walking. Its as though he knows every passage and corridor of this tome filled labyrinth by memory.

You lift a singly scythed hand in terrified defiance as he approaches you expressionless, his book in one hand. There's oly one way this encounter can end.

=========>

mauve

10-30-2011, 09:21 PM

=========>

You are now GORRMA. Before you float several INGREDIENTS, but not quite enough to make a full cake.

>Ugh. Still? Isn't she dead yet?

No.

>Damn it!!!

You attempt to DAMN something.

Your attempts fail. You don't have the ability to cast objects, sentient or otherwise, into the unholy abyss. Your OPTIMISM falls by three points.

You are, however, very good at COOKING AND EATING THINGS. Maybe you should rethink your strategy?

>Ugh, fine. Examine ingredients.

In front of you sits a BOWL.
In front of you sits a BAG OF FLOUR.
In front of you sits a WOODEN SPOON.
In front of you sits a CARTON OF HELL-FOWL EGGS.
In front of you sits a BAG OF SUGAR.
In front of you sits a BOTTLE OF VANILLA EXTRACT.
In front of you sits a BOX OF BAKING POWDER.

What will you do?

>Consider options.

It's not enough to bake a CAKE. It seems as though you're in a bit of a pickle here.

>STOP SAYING THAT.

It's not enough to bake a CAKE. It seems as though you're in a bit of a sticky situation here.

You really can't bake anything without butter, for starters. Milk would be useful too. What you'd REALLY like, though, is something to kick up the flavor a bit. This cake is going to be pretty bland as it is right now, and that's an affront to Gourmancy as an art form.

>Go get milk and butter and stuff.

Are you STUPID or something?! Did you forget about the HORRIFIC BLAZING INFERNO that lurks just outside your door?! Hot enough to SEAR FLESH FROM BONE before your THOUGHT-ORGAN could even begin to register the EXCRUCIATING PAIN!?!

The butter's probably melted by now. Duh.

...unless the ice chest in the basement survived.....

>Weigh options.

Wait.

This is it.

This is the ultimate Gourmancy dilemma. Your BLOOD-PUMP-ORGAN skips a beat.

The Gourmancer's Foil. Does one suffer for one's art, pushing oneself to physical extremes to create the perfect dish, or does one blaze new trails, taking artistic risk in a great gamble to create a new, substitute recipe? One path risks the Gourmancer's own life as well as the future of the dish, the other risks the Gourmancer's credibility as well as the integrity of the final project. Decades of philosophical discourse has been dedicated to this exact dilemma, although most of the discussions usually ended with one Gourmance-Philosopher getting angry and killing and eating the others before a real solution could be agreed upon.

And now it was up to you to make the final decision.

The TIMER ticks away, mercilessly counting down the seconds before you, your hive, and all of your hard work as a chef are destroyed.

All your work... You've done so much! You can still DO so much!

You reach for the door handle. It can't be that far... If... If you could just make it to the lower level of the hive.... You have so much you could use! So many ways this cake could become a masterpiece! Your skills... You can't let them go to waste. You can make it. The fire... it... it can't be that bad!

Your HUSKTOP pings. You look over your shoulder, back to the trial and your waiting SERVER PLAYER. Sharl must be wondering what you're doing.

You take your hand off the door handle.

The others. If you die in the flames, what chance will they have to survive in the game?

No. They need you. They need you more than the cake. As much as it pains you to say it, the cake... isn't as important as getting into the game. It's not as important as your friends.

But that doesn't mean you have to do a lackluster job! Your RESOLVE grows by three points!!

OO: all right!
OO: let'sh get thish show on the road!

>Get the show on the road.

You rub your palms together, planning your attack. No milk or butter-- that's okay, it'll be Vegan. There's some vegetable oil on the shelf. That'll work fine.

You scour the pantry shelves around you-- they're a bit bare compared to other storage blocks in your hive, but you're a Gourmancer! Necessity is the mother of invention and you're gonna invent the hell out of this thing!

Your CREATIVITY takes control, throwing you into an artistic fury as items are judged, tasted, measured, and tossed into the growing bowl of cake batter. You finally finish, stirring your ingredients together and licking the spoon to taste your new concoction.

OO: heck yesh. i am a geniush.
OO: oh, whoopsh, i forgot you can read thish, sharl.
OO: um... pretend i didn't shay anything.

You spread the batter in the glowing green cake pan and toss it in the oven. You hope you did the right thing. Well, there was only one way to find out. You look uneasily at the timer. Will it stop? Will you live?

Intern Nin

11-18-2011, 12:53 AM

> I can't handle the suspense.

Most sentient lifeforms can't. Why don't you try playing as someone else for a while? Let's say... ID?

========>

Still standing on top of bug station and enjoying the scenery. What will you do now?

> ID: Stop putting yourself in potential peril and get back inside the flutterby.

You decide that standing on top of a giant metal insect flying thousands of feet in the air is just a bit more dangerous than it is cool, so you scamper back down and close the hatch. You now stand at the entryway to the station's inner chamber. A panel with a diagram is still situated on the left side of the door. That didn't stop being a thing that existed. It's so shiny and tantalizing, not touching it would be a crime against your own nature.

> ID: Go back to the monitor room and prepare for imminent landing.

You head back into the monitor room, but you decide against preparing for any sort of touching down. You have no idea where this thing is going. It could be hours before you reach its destination, maybe even days.

> ID: Take stock of your inventory.

Torn-up book, bunch of origami figures, warm soda, empty chest, shades, and still packing canned goods. What now?

> ID: Construct a rudimentary slide and take it for a ride.

Wheeeee-ow-ouch!

========>

Yeah, pretty much no way it wasn't going to fall apart mid-slide. You kick this useless stack of crap in anger.

> ID: Obliquely reference future events by playing with the origami figures that represent the troll kids.

You already made some future references earlier during that solitary one-sided rap-off. Remember? Oh, did you block that out? You probably did, didn't you? Whatever, no one's here to judge you so you may as well play some games for test-tube babies.

========>

Oh, look at me! I'm a little snot with stupid hair and horrible taste in music who thinks that following the plans of a stab-happy, universe-hating suck is a good idea. Oh, would you look at that! All these people hate me now, how did that happen?

========>

Duh, make way for Sir Fidgetbottom, on a quest from God to make him or some such nonsense! Time for me to put all that maturity I learned from living in a cave and playing with dolls to good use. Oooooooooops!

========>

Someone's in trouble! Don't worry, friend idiot! Your two idiot friends are rushing to the warehouse of death to make things better for you. Oh my goodness, we've become a flurry of dismembered limbs! We never saw this coming!

========>

Grr, I'm angry at everything and a prosecutor for some reason. Look at how dapper I am. Can you handle this level of dashingness? I think not. Now to engage in silly courtroom dramas where I'm made out to be a fool. Also, the judge is sort of ADD. Who made him judge? Who I ask you? Hate-smooch time for no good reason!

========>

Derpty-derp, here comes Captain Sadly McCrapface and his firstmate, Jerkwit. We're going to do a whole bunch of boring exposition and adventuring, as well ruin this one totally awesome lady's life, for we are assholes and there is no going against our assholish nature. Oh look, her comes Lady Fishstink Buttlass, just in time to generate a whole lot of romantic tension. Whatever shall we do? I'll show what you can do you little-!

========>

Okay, you just worked yourself into a frenzy and have ripped up the dolls.

You calm down and the horror of what you've done dawns on you. You've murdered your poor defenseless paper children. Little folded people guilty of no crime other than resembling those kids you hate. Even then, they're not to blame for that. They are as you made them after all. Every bad thing that has transpired is all your fault. All of it. Oh god, what have you done?

> ID: Make some replacement origami people and get on with your life.

Some quick folds and you have some new tiny parchment effigies of those troll bastards. No permanent harm done. Not everything has to be a federal issue. Maybe now is a good time to do something other than play with paper. You are a grown woman after all. Time to start acting like it.

> ID: Go back to entryway and fiddle with the diagram.

You give in to your overwhelming curiosity, race back to the entryway, and deliver a poke to the triangley fractal symbol on the touchscreen.

========>

The entryway rotates 120 degrees and a new doorway appears.

> ID: Explore.

You cautiously creep into the mouth leading into the unknown. You travel down the hall until you reach another entryway. Once inside, you find a room that is about the same size as the previous one and holds a whole new assortment of technological wonders. A console with a big unsegmented monitor showing the image of more than a dozen small spirographs chained to a middle spirograph on one side of the screen and a big sphere with two satellites on the other. An arrow currently points to the sphere.

A marked yellow length of wood leans on its side. On the other side of the interface is a platform under what looks to be the barrel to a giant old fashioned ray gun. You wonder what all this could be for?

> ID: Stop being ID and start being ID(?).

You stop being the Intractable Drifter and are back to being the Imperial Deskjockey. The squad of underlings you requisitioned for has finally arrived and begun cleaning up the carnage. One of them tried to inquire about how all these office workers to came to be pushing up daisies, but you quickly and rather cunningly changed the subject by backhanding that imp so hard that his glasses flew off. Nobody else asked any questions after that.

========>

Still, even with these minions hard at work and well on their way to making this place spotless, you can't help but worry a little. The backlog of paperwork that's been piling up, the odd rise in untimely demises notifications for home-front personnel, not to mention this particular regiment of goons was supposed to be lying in wait for the Hero of Prosperity before you called them here. There's a good chance somebody outside of this department might have noticed all these strange occurrences and alerted your Glorious Monarch. And that would not be good. The last thing you need is to fall under the scrutiny of the big boss herself.

You can just imagine her suddenly popping up on that fenestrated wall behind you, like some kind of blink and you miss it Easter Egg, being all frightening as hell. You'd probably turn around, she'd be there on the screen, you scream like a tube baby, and then her highness starts dropping all kinds of nasty lines of invasive inquiry. �Why are all these people dead?� �What set Jack off this time?� Who's going to handle all the menial affairs of the kingdom now?� �Why are your past performance reports littered with the words 'unsatisfactory', 'insubordinate', and 'rhythmless'?� �When was the last time you washed your work clothes?!�

God, if you weren't so fresh and chill and all those other synonyms for cool you'd be sweating bullets at the very thought of that.

> ID: Turn around.

What? There's nothing there except the wall. Still tuned into that one guy. Wait, is that some sort of outhouse floating in his foyer?

========>

Oh, this is going to be so gross and funnAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

========>

Um, what you meant to say was; 'Good evening, Your Majesty' and 'How may this mere office worker be of service to the most wonderfully wise and gracious ruler in all of Paradox Space'?

Ohlordyouaresodeadyoujusthaventdiedyet.

> FUTURE Caoway: Be someone's server.

You are FUTURE Caoway, currently underwater and dressed in some spiffy pajamas with an odd looking mask (both of which you alchemized earlier), and you are trying very hard to become someone's server.

========>

However, you have met with a lot of adversity in your attempt at being a server. You located the husktop on the seafloor but were then ambushed by a cadre of marine-themed minions. An ogre with tusks, a spiky shell shaped like a heart, and inexpressive good looks grabbed you and held you down as an ogre with ray fins, long ears, and robotic hands pounded on your face and body. In between the blows, steel fins lets out a series of glubs punctuated with question marks. You have no idea what he's asking you. Also, even with your scalemail bedwear on, the blows are really starting to hurt.

========>

The ogre suddenly stops mid-swing and turns its head around. There's something behind him now. You wish to see what it is, but this asshole's girth is taking up your entire field of vision. The hammer-handed brute lets out a dark, bubbly chuckle as it steps aside, revealing a newcomer; a basilisk with scythe-hands, bladed manta head, and some flaming goat hooves. The hooves are actually burning underwater. He does not look friendly. Not in the least.

========>

Looks even less friendly when it's charging.

> FUTURE Caoway: Break free and incapacitate the assailants.

Death by gang-coral stomping is for other jerks. You butt your head back, catching Mr. Shell Ogre in one of his entrancing eyes with your long horn. His grip loosens and you swim away just in the nick of time! The basilisk misses you and buries its head into the ogre's shelled belly. The brute yowls and tries to yank the serpent's head out its torso. Granule filled blood seeps out and bits of shell crumble but the head remains firmly embedded. All the ogre manages to do is rip off the basilisk's scythes.

The other ogre, Mr. Robo-mitts, bull-rushes you. You won't be caught off guard this time. You already equipped with one of your newly alchemized weapons, a rather old looking, barnacled paddle with studded belts and a handle with the butt shaped like... an actual rear end.

You strike a powerful blow to the brute, which causes its whole body to shake like a mountain of jello next to a fault line. The bolts jiggle out of its robo-hands and the health vial wiggles free of its abstract game panel, spilling its gel into ocean. Mecha-Manos bursts into grist.

========>

Now for those two guys. They are so close, practically in each others hearts you might say. Well, actually only one of them is stuck near the other one's heart. And how would someone be practically in the another person's heart. Either you are or you aren't. There is no almost. It's like-wait, where you going with this? Duh, a killing blow! That's where you always going with this stuff.

You switch weapons, brandishing a new fancy looking pole-and-line with a shiny red telescopic rod and line that boils the water around it. You whip around and hook around the basilisk's neck. A deft jerk and the body is divorced from its head, much like a hook and some shit after years of unsuccessful marriage consoling. The body reverts to grist but the head remains, still impaled in the ogre. Those two make you believe in true love again- okay, no. This train of thought is just not working for you. Seriously.

You whip the line and with two quick lashes slice the ogre into pieces of grist. There. Done.

> FUTURE Caoway: Install server.

You begin the installation of the server program, which really is just you connecting with the client player. Should take about two or three minutes.

> FUTURE Caoway: Gather up grist and husktop, and then return to the surface.

You collect all of your things, but you won't be heading topside right this moment.

========>

You affix the severed scythes to the end of your weapons. You prepare because you know better. There's blood in the water. An invitation to every bastard around who's part Piron's lusus to come and eat. You can't swim away now. Turning your back to the enemy is suicide. You have to stay and fight.

Plus, it'll be a good way to occupy yourself while the thing connects.

========>

They come. But they do not come as the mooks had come. One turns and goes out of sight behind a rock and you feel the teeth sink into your arm and it jerks away just before you can punch it. Another watches with its slitted yellow eyes and comes in fast with it's half circle of of jaws wide to strike where you have already been bitten. You side-stroke and its mouth barely misses. The bunny ears show clearly on the top of its brown head and the back the brain joined the spinal cord and you drive the scythe on the oar into the juncture, withdraw it, and drive again into the minions weird goat eye. It floats away and turns into some grist and a few things it had eaten earlier.

The water still shakes, with the sound of a hundred overly-complicated riddles being glubbed by the remaining minions. You smile underneath your mask.

========>

Three minutes later.

You sit on the sands of the island from before, right arm bandaged up, husktop open, and surrounded by a motely crew of crocodilian castaways. You have finally connected and can see the inside of Derpah's hive on the SGRUB window. Looks like he added some new doodads and posters since you were there last. Better check the troll log to see if he said anything during your absence. Sure enough, he did.

TA: meteor is in sight, looks frickin' huge from the secutiry feed
TA: I'll be in the balcony getting the other equipment off of there before it breaks, so leave the game stuff nearby when you get your husktop back

Uh oh. Better get a move on!

> FUTURE Caoway: Do your job while answering.

MC: I'm back.
MC: Have the huS\ktop.
MC: I inS\talle/) the S\erver while I waS\ /)own there.
MC: Remin/) me to thank Reztek an/) G\liS\S\a for prototypinG\ their luS\i.
MC: I haven't ha/) a beatinG\ like that S\ince the houn/)S\.

A few scrolls and you find yourself looking at the upper levels and also looking at Derpah as he fidgets around a broken balcony. What could have happened here? Eh, whatever. You deploy some artifacts in the next room, after first disposing of some pieces of junk that would've obstructed of said deployment of course. It's not like deadeye here needs all this computer junk.

MC: Okay, lathe an/) alchemiter S\et up. Now where to...

A strange noise pounds out of the speakers. What the hell is that? Is that a music file? What kind of crap does Piron listen to? Or maybe it's from Glissa? Hmm, there's nothing else open on the desktop. This must be coming from Derpah's hive.

MC: Hey, /)o you hear clanG\inG\?

You scroll around searching for that noise. What is it anyway? Kind of sounds like... TWO METAL CONTAINERS BEING CLANGED TOGETHER!

You go back to Derpah and see a huge spiky figure standing over him with its bucket raised. Shitshitshit! You grab a large monitor with the cursor and fling it at the intruder.

MC: Derpah duck!

========>

Arcanum

12-22-2011, 02:38 AM

> Make a joke about changing characters while partially breaking the fourth wall

You do that. Everyone laughs. Haa haa hee hee hoo hoo. You are now Reztek.

> Reztek: Accept new weapon from Jack and alchemize it into something you can wield

Reztek is already three steps ahead of you, having punched the cards, carved the totem, and alchemized a brand new axe.

> Reztek: Retrieve spoils

You place your newly crafted BASS AND SWITCH in your strife specibus. This glossy black bass grubtar sure will pack a punch. The switchblade hidden in the neck will also help when you need to show someone your stabs.

> Reztek: Alchemize more musical paraphernalia into deadly weapons

You would love to, but due to your earlier incompetence you only had enough grist to make the Bass and Switch. You will need to collect more through exciting combat.

> Skip to the fighting

You skip ahead one minute and twelve seconds to the moment right before the exciting combat starts, you impatient bastard. Jack and Reztek are standing outside the hive as a sizeable group of enemies approaches on the piano-key road. It seems the Basilisk from before has brought some friends.

========>

Jack tells you not to be completely useless this time. He says you should clear out the imps first so they don�t surround you and get in some cheap shots. You tell him not to worry about that- wait I mean

EO: Dont WorrY
EO: I wonT be cAughT off GuarD thiS timE
EO: That Big gUy haS me a LittLe woRrieD thoUgh
Jack says the Ogre shouldn�t be too much of a problem between the two of you, and that you�ll burn that bridge when you get there.
EO: Dont You mEan cRoss It?

Jack says no, no he doesn�t. He also tells you to shut your trap because it�s go time.

>[S (http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/knifes-edge)]trife

The first wave of imps rush in head first, about half a dozen in all. The remaining imps split into two groups of five and move to flank you. You don�t even bother to take in the various prototyped mutations present on the imps as you draw your newly-alchemized Bass and Switch.

EO: Jack Get dOwn

Jack simply looks at you, wondering what the hell you�re going to do with a guitar in a fight. Probably smash it again like before and- realization kicks in as you let loose a barrage of notes and Jack dives to the ground in the nick of time. A thundering psychic shockwave rolls out over Jack�s head, sending the imps flying back head over asses. A few of the imps explode into grist and glass and you and Jack rush forward to engage the survivors. You flick the whammy bar of your Bass and Switch and the foot-long hidden blade juts out impudently into the chest of a particularly puzzled imp with a heart-shaped head. It never wanted to fight, or to die, just to hold you in a tender embrace filled with loving shooshes.

But you are no Seer so you have no way of knowing any of this. In fact you already killed another three imps and are currently staring down an imp with an oddly familiar shell. You swing your axe at the imp�s head but in an amazing display of flexibility the creature retracts into its shell. You wind up for another swing when a familiar set of claws sink into your shoulders forcing you to drop the Bass and Switch. It seems the basilisk from earlier is back for more. Fortunately you�re prepared this time, or at least as prepared as someone who was ambushed a second time can be, which is very little. Ok so you aren�t prepared at all. To top it off the bastard is trying to drag you off the cliff again. You dig your heels into the ground and your echo modus confuses your attempt to delay the inevitable as a fetch command, spitting out a single drum at the basilisk. The surprise drubbing knocks the basilisk away, freeing you from its grip. You take full advantage of your freedom and new instrument to lay down some sick nasty beats reinforced with a hefty wallop of psychic resonance. The basilisk is promptly pummelled into a fine pile of grist and other resources.

With that taken care of you turn to see how Jack is doing to find he finished off the rest of the imps (including the shelled one you failed to finish off moments ago) and somehow propped open the other basilisk�s mouth with a hoof-beast hitcher. The basilisk is also suffering from several stab wounds, with more being inflicted every second. Damn can Jack stab fast. The porcelain basilisk quickly shatters under such a savage beatdown, leaving the ogre as the last enemy standing.

> Psyche!

EO: Its jUst sTandIng tHere... WatcHing
EO: Its cReepIng mE out
EO: You kNow, iTs alMost Like It doEsnt Want Us to LeavE
EO: Like We shOuld Just SticK aroUnd tHe hiVe anD takE carE of aNythIng iMporTant Im foRgetTing
EO: WhicH is nOthiNg

> Meanwhile at Scalis�s hive...

PA: Rzteke wrehe hte cfuk aer oyu I am gnogi to edi!!!

> Back to Reztek now

Jack asks if you�re done spouting nonsense because he would like to murder this Ogre now. He says he would rather move along since the two of you can�t put the plan into action until the necessary prerequisites have been completed. One of those levels being getting you and your friends to a level where you won�t be completely worthless.

> Strife: Round 2

You retrieve your Bass and Switch but you feel you�re going to need some sharper notes to take down this ceramic beast. With you trusty Grubtar in hand it�s time to do this. Where making it happen.

> [S (http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/chaotic-strength)]trife: For real now

You let loose a furious solo that slaps the ogre across the face with the force of a dozen knife-stabs. The ogre�s health vial begins to dwindle, but all that quickly. Meanwhile Jack took advantage of your distraction to move in and flank the ogre, and has begun slashing at its legs. Still the ogre�s health vial remains reasonably full, and it seems to be getting angry. It stomps about furiously in an attempt to crush Jack but the Dersite is too nimble for the hulking creature to squash.

You figure now is a good time to get creative. With a single note you return your Grubtar to your sylladex and pull out another drum. You build up to a crescendo of beats and deliver a concentrated psychic wallop right between the ogre�s eyes, knocking it back and putting it off balance. Jack switches up to his hoof-beast hitcher and takes the ogre�s legs right out from under it. You feel the ground shake as the ogre falls onto its back, but it�s still not dead. Another tap on your drum sheathes it in your sylladex and pulls out your Bass and Switch as you run towards the fallen ogre. You are about to do something extremely stupid.

You jump into the air, strum wildly, yell, and focus your psychic resonance directly below you. The resulting blast wave launches you thirty feet into the air. By some twist of fate you aren�t tumbling head over heels and are falling directly towards the ogre. You flick the whammy bar to unsheathe the BaS�s hidden blade and plunge it directly into the ogre�s forehead. Its health vial plummets but somehow it is still alive. That�s fine, you were ready for this. You pluck at the chords of your Bass and Switch like a cello and create a psychic resonance that reverberates through the entire body of the ogre thanks to the blade lodged in its head. The ogre stops in its attempt to grab you as its entire body begins to quiver, then shake, and finally explode in a shower of ceramic and build grist.

> Reztek: Reap spoils of victory

BOONDOLLARS swell your PORKHOLLOW as you climb your ECHELADDER to the rank of ENGLISH ROADIE. You express your delight by scampering about like a madman and gathering up all of the grist, glass, porcelain, and ceramic that you missed.

EO: AlriGht iM goiNg to Go alChemIze sOme mOre tHingS and Ill bE rigHt baCk.
EO: Keep An eyE out For mE

Jack grumbles something in response but you have already ran off inside your hive and you don�t hear him complain about you bossing him around and how he won�t follow your orders. Still, he does keep an eye out for any untrustworthy agents of Derse that might be lurking about, ready to report his not-entirely-sanctioned activities. But with his back to the hive he fails to see what looks like a turtle head slowly phasing up through the ground.

> WHAT IS IT? THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME! I CAN�T TAKE IT!