Movies you hate

[Bells]

So, as i was browsing the channels today "National Security" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNhdYC_wfHc&feature=related) was on.

Oh boy, do i hate this movie... i trully hate this piece of film. The most pretentious, racist, Misogynist piece of crap i've ever seen named as a "movie" on the screen.

The movie tries so hard, pushes so damn hard to make the Black guy the "outlaw hero that is so gangsta the SYSTEM and SOCIETY can't handle" that it's almost assault.

If you simply remove Martin Lawrence, entirely, of the movie and leave everything else as-is, you come out with a midly interesting, semi-funny cop comedy about a Cop dealing with the lost of his partner by taking with a invisible black man... A MUCH more interesting movie all by itself, right there.

So, share! Share with all! What movies you trully hate and why? Provide a trailer if you can or a poster

[phil_]

I hate Aeon Flux for its insensitive depiction of clones. Being a clone doesn't make anyone less of a person than being conceived via the traditional exchange of genes between two people. It certainly isn't a reason to kill everyone and destroy society because "Oh no, we're all clones."

In fifty years this movie will be about as presentable as a black-face minstrel show.

[Amake]

I hate Ultraviolet for thinking being a "comic book" movie gives it a licence to make no Goddamn sense. And for the achievement of being an unwatchable piece of crap despite starring Milla Jovovich.

Also Gun Kata. Fuck Gun Kata. Fuck Gun Kata with thirty thousand bullets at the same time, yeah you go right ahead and stand where the fewest of those 30 000 bullets are statistically likely to hit you, you'll be full of holes anyway.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Every movie you like

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

The Resident Evil films. If you have to ask why then I hate you too.

[Kerensky287]

Everything the Scary Movie guys have ever done.

Fuck you, adding gangsta rap to an otherwise serious situation does not make it funny.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

I could name so many movies that are overrated, but stating that something everyone has a stiffy for as being overrated is not hating something.

What do I hate? Requiem for a Dream. And yet I almost found myself watching it again just recently. Basically it's based on a book apparently written by a guy who hates everything and especially drugs. The movie tends to have that effect of making someone feel like complete and utter shit. That can't be good. Unlike the Leitmotif, which is one of the best pieces of film music I've encountered.

I watched Léon instead. A movie I love. If you hate Léon I hate you.

[Tev]

Also Gun Kata. Fuck Gun Kata. Fuck Gun Kata with thirty thousand bullets at the same time, yeah you go right ahead and stand where the fewest of those 30 000 bullets are statistically likely to hit you, you'll be full of holes anyway.Hey! You leave Equilibrium out of this!

[mauve]

It's A Wonderful Life. I don't know why this movie gets on my nerves as much as it does-- it just seems to go on and on forever.

The 1930's (?) version of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Mickey Rooney is irritating as hell. Like, nails on a chalkboard irritating.

The Ninth Gate. Not even Johnny Depp could save this movie. The level of WTF-ness is off the charts.

[Archbio]

Also Gun Kata. Fuck Gun Kata.

Hey, I can think of one reason to not hate Equilibrium: it gave me a good excuse to quote Mandrake from Doctor Strangelove when the evil police state troopers forgot how to use their guns when swarmed with a minor horde of idiotic insurgents at the end. Who knew that all that holds a dictatorship up is a videotape on a loop?

No, wait, that's another reason to hate it. Never mind.

---

I also hated The Strangers. Fuck The Strangers. I suppose that showing psychotic criminals as being utterly incompetent is an admirable touch of realism, but when that means that the script has to be contrived even more to allow them to be an effective threat, then realism kind of ends up in the red, doesn't it?

"Hey, I just accidentally shot my best friend in the head because he wandered in front of room in our house (which has clearly been broken into) without calling out for us (for some reason,) while I was watching the room's only door for any psychotic criminals. Now, I'll abandon this safe position (and my unarmed girlfriend,) because clearly there is much danger of this extremely contrived set of circumstances repeating itself, like I'm Wile E Fucking Coyote. I hope I don't somehow get jumped by the crazies that outnumber me, in the dark, outside; before I can reach a distant neighbour!"

Yep, it's still number one on my Hate List.

[RickZarber]

Hm. You know, I can't think of any movies that I outright hate! Sure, there's plenty that I wouldn't watch even if you paid me, but those are just things I don't like, or think are stupid.

I can't think of a single movie I've seen that's actually angered me because of how bad it was.

TV shows, on the other hand....

[Krylo]

I didn't have a problem with Equilibrium, to be honest. Gun Kata was just adding martial arts to standard ridiculous action movie stuff. What, you mean a guy can't actually disarm three men with guns with a rope tied to a horse shoe, or with his hands stuck in paint cans. I mean, I guess its attempt to explain it could have broken the suspension of disbelief that exists when John McClane beats up five terrorists with semi-automatic military assault rifles while walking on broken glass in bare feet, but that just seems silly to me. I guess I just have trouble accepting that people find gunkata too unrealistic when blowing up a helicopter by ramping a car off a piece of cement is apparently totally realism to the super max.

The insurgents at the end were kind of weak (did they run out of the fake gunfire budget or something?), but if you were watching Equilibrium for any reason that didn't involve parrying guns with guns you were watching it for the wrong reason.


ON TOPIC: Star Wars. Episode 2, Episode 3*, and the remastered version of the original trilogy.

George Lucas should not be allowed to touch his own intellectual property. Ever.

Also Transformers. Shakey Cam + overly complicated and samey designs + wrestling = wtf is even going on I don't know who is winning or if that's a punch or just a piston moving in his arm fuck you Michael Bay.

Oh and then there's basically every video game movie that isn't Super Mario Brothers (which was so terrible it cycled right back around into amazing, right down to George Clinton's Walk the Dinosaur) or an animu.

*Episode 1 gets a pass because it gave us the Obi-Wan's bad joke and Qui-Gon Jin: Worst Jedi Ever youtubes.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Every Cohen brothers movie ever made. When my favourite director is Jamusch whose entire career has basically been built around nothing happening and I find your films dull and insipid you have a major problem.

[Ryong]

Wolf Creek. Everything that happened in the movie didn't matter at all. Thie killer is still free and they arrested some innocents who were telling the truth and then got screwed.

I'm trying to remember more, but somehow, can't.

[CelesJessa]

The only movie I can remember actively disliking would be Epic Movie. I wanted my money back after seeing it, even though I had gotten in for free.

[Archbio]

I guess I just have trouble accepting that people find gunkata too unrealistic when blowing up a helicopter by ramping a car off a piece of cement is apparently totally realism to the super max.

I think people's reasoning was more "gunkata is unrealistic, is explained in a way that sound stupid, and looks stupid; while carfu is unrealistic, isn't explained at all except with a wink, and looks super bold."

I mean, personally I hated Die Hardest as much as anyone, but clearly the issue people had with Gunkata is mostly one of esthetics, even though it might be expressed as "realism." And Die Hardest probably has never, ever, ever been described as "realistic to the max" by anyone.

---

I think the biggest of the Star Wars Prequels many sins is its misuse of CGI sets. Those movies make it very hard to forget that the actors are always moving in the same very limited space, since the direction never works at giving the impression of movement. Who cars what awesome looking architecture you threw on the backdrop, if the actors are never allowed to sell it?

---

Did I say I really hate The Strangers?

---

Every Cohen brothers movie ever made.

"Shut the fuck up, Donny." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3foXJfWlgoM)

---

SMBP: The Movie. Starring Russel Crowe as SMBP, and a pile of rocks with quirky mannerisms as Jim Jarmusch.

[Krylo]

I think people's reasoning was more "gunkata is unrealistic, is explained in a way that sound stupid, and looks stupid; while carfu is unrealistic, isn't explained at all except with a wink*, and looks super bold."

I mean, personally I hated Die Hardest as much as anyone, but clearly the issue people had with Gunkata is mostly one of esthetics, even though it might be expressed as "realism." And Die Hardest probably has never, ever, ever been described as "realistic to the max" by anyone.Disliking it aesthetically is fine, but disliking it because it's unrealistic and stupid and then going to Live Free and Die Hard and only complaining about the sidekick is... welp.

Or even liking the earlier Die Hards which may not have had as visually stunning a lack of realism, but had just as much all the same. Same with every action movie ever.

Personally I thought the aesthetics were mostly pretty sharp, particularly in the last few fight scenes and given the lack of budget the movie actually had. It was, of course, completely unrealistic right down the the grammaton symbol gun flares. But it used the cinematography and fight scenes to create an over all excellent aesthetic piece, from the final fight scene to tearing away the filter on his window to watch the sun set over the city.

Like I said, however, I'm okay with a difference of opinion on the aesthetic appeal of it. What I'm not so okay with is the insistence that it's stupid because it's not realistic from people that watch equally (or more!) unrealistic shows without so much as a blink.

I think the biggest of the Star Wars Prequels many sins is its misuse of CGI sets. Those movies make it very hard to forget that the actors are always moving in the same very limited space, since the direction never works at giving the impression of movement. Who cars what awesome looking architecture you threw on the backdrop, if the actors are never allowed to sell it?My personal greatest problem is with the terrible dialogue. I don't care if you are the greatest actor/actress in the world, there is no way you are making that terrible dialogue between Anakin and Padme sound decent.

Which, of course, lead to the wooden acting in a lot of their scenes, which of course lead to the entire dynamic of their relationship, which is supposed to be the driving force behind much of the movies, feeling fake... and leaving many people completely unable to identify with it.

Though I guess they did have Mace Windu. Points there.


*Though, admittedly, the explaining it with little more than a wink to how unrealistic it is comes off as tongue in cheek in this exact instance, but it was less the specific instance that was the point, so much as that unrealistic action scenes are a defining trope of the genre.

[Fifthfiend]

Sex and the City 2

I didn't have a problem with Equilibrium, to be honest. Gun Kata was just adding martial arts to standard ridiculous action movie stuff. What, you mean a guy can't actually disarm three men with guns with a rope tied to a horse shoe, or with his hands stuck in paint cans. I mean, I guess its attempt to explain it could have broken the suspension of disbelief that exists when John McClane beats up five terrorists with semi-automatic military assault rifles while walking on broken glass in bare feet, but that just seems silly to me.

Things we learn from this post:

Krylo never watched Die Hard.

[Osterbaum]

Sex and the City 2
Sometimes I see the movie in my dreams playing the part of a rapist seeking to violate me. I'm afraid of it.

[Archbio]

Disliking it aesthetically is fine, but disliking it because it's unrealistic and stupid and then going to Live Free and Die Hard and only complaining about the sidekick is... welp.

I don't think that you've understood my point. Saying it's unrealistic is shorthand for saying it's unrealistic in a stupid way esthetically. If something is "unrealistic" (whatever realistic means this week) and it works people aren't going to say anything, because it will have looked real to them.

Gunkata looks stupid, is played without self awareness (as far as I recall) and is explained seriously all while being preposterous. It calls attention to its unrealism. That might be what they mean.

[Bells]

Star Wars fix itself if you twist reality to understand that the main character is Obi Wan and that everyone else was backdrop filler.

[Kerensky287]

Final Fantasy Spirits Within.

Final Fantasy Advent Children.

EDIT: I'm going to get some hate for this, but Across The Universe was a terrible movie.

The Beatles were (and ARE) completely awesome, yes. But they spent too much time trying to make the songs make sense in context, and not enough time making the movie good on its own.

Fuck, the point of The Beatles isn't to make sense!

For chrissake they had this whole scene where they get on a random hippie bus just so they could play I Am The Walrus. It had no bearing whatsoever on the rest of the movie.

[Magus]

Hey, I can think of one reason to not hate Equilibrium: it gave me a good excuse to quote Mandrake from Doctor Strangelove when the evil police state troopers forgot how to use their guns when swarmed with a minor horde of idiotic insurgents at the end. Who knew that all that holds a dictatorship up is a videotape on a loop?

No, wait, that's another reason to hate it. Never mind.

---

I also hated The Strangers. Fuck The Strangers. I suppose that showing psychotic criminals as being utterly incompetent is an admirable touch of realism, but when that means that the script has to be contrived even more to allow them to be an effective threat, then realism kind of ends up in the red, doesn't it?

"Hey, I just accidentally shot my best friend in the head because he wandered in front of room in our house (which has clearly been broken into) without calling out for us (for some reason,) while I was watching the room's only door for any psychotic criminals. Now, I'll abandon this safe position (and my unarmed girlfriend,) because clearly there is much danger of this extremely contrived set of circumstances repeating itself, like I'm Wile E Fucking Coyote. I hope I don't somehow get jumped by the crazies that outnumber me, in the dark, outside; before I can reach a distant neighbour!"

Yep, it's still number one on my Hate List.

The really stupid thing about this movie: the director claimed it was "based on a true story", and the story was his own story about how one time someone rang on his doorbell and he opened it and no one was there.

Then, later, he saw something about a murder on television. I don't even think it was in his area or anything, just a murder.

That's it.

So basically any movie in existence can now be said to be "based on a true story", you just have to list the unconnected things that inspired your plot as the the basis for it, and BAM! true story.

For example, I was sitting here looking at a moth flying around a lightbulb, I can now write a movie about how one time this killer was killing people with fly wires and a giant lightbulb and put "based on a true story" at the beginning.

EDIT: BTW I thought the whole point of The Strangers was they were super competent, so competent they could like, silently break into the house, stand menacingly behind the people in it, and then leave the house and go knock on the door so they can attack through the door because I guess that's even scarier. Those are like super psychopaths, dawg.

----

In the realm of stupid horror movies, I thought Funny Games was rather pointless, but I think we discussed this before. But frankly the only reason I thought it was pointless was the remote control scene, simply because it was just kind of a cheesy way to break the 4th wall. Up until then it was fairly interesting.

--

So, as i was browsing the channels today "National Security" was on.

Oh boy, do i hate this movie... i trully hate this piece of film. The most pretentious, racist, Misogynist piece of crap i've ever seen named as a "movie" on the screen.

The movie tries so hard, pushes so damn hard to make the Black guy the "outlaw hero that is so gangsta the SYSTEM and SOCIETY can't handle" that it's almost assault.

If you simply remove Martin Lawrence, entirely, of the movie and leave everything else as-is, you come out with a midly interesting, semi-funny cop comedy about a Cop dealing with the lost of his partner by taking with a invisible black man... A MUCH more interesting movie all by itself, right there.

So, share! Share with all! What movies you trully hate and why? Provide a trailer if you can or a poster

Wasn't there a Martin Lawrence movie completely based around the fact that he pretends this hapless white cop beat him and sends the guy to jail for two years, for no reason (later they team up because for some reason despite Martin Lawrence being a petty thief or something they decided to let him be a cop, with a machine pistol too) Like it seemed entirely based around making white people think all cases of police brutality are all faked by black people, like many of them already think. So if the goal was to entrench racial tensions, I guess they succeeded?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

SMBP: The Movie. Starring Russel Crowe as SMBP, and a pile of rocks with quirky mannerisms as Jim Jarmusch.

I'm totally Gary Busey.

The biggest problem with the Star Wars prequels was not the stupid CGI or the terrible dialogue or the horrible plot or the nonsense action scenes or the fact that this galaxy only has 6 different people in it and two of them are robots or that Lucas didn't really understand the original movies and just took bits that were popular and rehased them in nonsense ways, it was turning Darth Vader from like this crazy old religious zealot who nobody fired because he was a little unhinged and might try and murder you so they gave him an important title and a seat at the big table into this war-hero, most important person in the galaxy, super diplomat/lover. Go watch a new hope again, Vader is totally the crazy uncle.
Also the fact that the Jedi went from being upholders of the peace, violence abhoring dudes to stone cold killers. Like I always thought of Obi-Wan as like this badass renegade jedi, he wears robes so he can like hide in the corner till he stone cold murders you, Yoda was all like- Lightsabers are for evil dudes, you cut off Vader's head you cut off your own head ZOMG- but Obi-Wan will chop you up while blindfolded. But no, all jedi wear robes and cut people into bits.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

I really fucking hate Barbershop. I watch Comedy Central. A lot. Every now and then I get a really good laugh out of it whether I'm watching Scrubs or a movie. But I swear to god, they play Barbershop every day all month. Every. Single. Fucking. February. I can't take it. I don't care if it's black history month, that doesn't mean we have to settle for sub-par entertainment. Put on Blazing Saddles. Not freakin' Barbershop.

[Magus]

Yoda should have just crashed spaceships into each other using the force like he did in that badass cartoon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars:_Clone_Wars_%282003_TV_series%29) (no not the ugly CGI one, the Genndy Tartakovsky one).

EDIT:

I really fucking hate Barbershop. I watch Comedy Central. A lot. Every now and then I get a really good laugh out of it whether I'm watching Scrubs or a movie. But I swear to god, they play Barbershop every day all month. Every. Single. Fucking. February. I can't take it. I don't care if it's black history month, that doesn't mean we have to settle for sub-par entertainment. Put on Blazing Saddles. Not freakin' Barbershop.

Holy crap, is that really why they incessantly play Friday and Barbershop in February? Are you sure it's not just coincidence? I mean, if that's true, that is just the most hilarious thing ever.

I mean, I know he didn't do comedy, but when I think classics of African American film I think, like, Sidney Poitier, not Ice Cube. Surely something more in this vein could be found for comedic film out of the African American culture block? Of course, they do feature a lot of Eddie Murphy movies, too, he's pretty good...

ANOTHER EDIT:

No, wait, wait. Maybe they think February is ICE CUBE HISTORY MONTH?

ANOTHER ANOTHER EDIT:

Actually I'm pretty sure every month is Ice Cube History Month on Comedy Central, they play those movies 24/7 it seems like.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

No you see real Yoda not prequel "Yoda" would have gone up to Palpatine and be like
"Yo, be cool Palpy, be cool"
and Palp would have been like
"Nah bro, I'm going to murder you hard out"
and Yoda would do nothing and then Palpatine would chop off Yoda's head but in doing so would chop off his own head.

Then Yoda comes back as a ghost and goes up to Ani while he's killing children and would just give him a look of disappointment and Anakin wuold feel real bad and stop and go away and think about what hes done.

[Marc v4.0]

I think everything I have ever read or seen about the Jedi points to the fact that they were, unavoidably and seriously, all just elitist assholes and the 'legend' of Jedi was that they were good and right and just and blah blah.

And they didn't fire Vader because he could kill you with a hand gesture and his suger daddy is Your Fucking Boss, who also finds the hand gesture murder a fucking tit and a half.

Also, Your boss is off his goddamn rocker.

[Bells]

ICE CUBE HISTORY MONTH?


GHOSTS OF MAAAAAAAAARS!!!!!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LB94f_E6FP4)

[Professor Smarmiarty]

But that's the thing- the prequels made the Jedis in hypocritical, massive dickheads, even Yoda. But they were pretty sweet in the original trilogy.

As for Vader and his force choke- as clearly demonstrated in New Hope, Vader can force choke people but Imperial scientists can explode planets. Point science.
Even Palpatine knows that. That's why he does all his work with clones and deathstars and spaceships. Vader is seriously like a dude from the 19th century mocking our medicine and curing illnesses by buring people in the earth up to thier neck.

[Marc v4.0]

But that's the thing- the prequels made the Jedis in hypocritical, massive dickheads, even Yoda. But they were pretty sweet in the original trilogy.

As for Vader and his force choke- as clearly demonstrated in New Hope, Vader can force choke people but Imperial scientists can explode planets. Point science.
Even Palpatine knows that. That's why he does all his work with clones and deathstars and spaceships. Vader is seriously like a dude from the 19th century mocking our medicine and curing illnesses by buring people in the earth up to thier neck.

Except he is wearing a techno-suit of medience, and the ability to destroy a planet is insigificant next to the power of the McGuffin.

[Magus]

Anything about the Jedi being big jerkwads is post-original trilogy fabrication so that Lucas could put Jedi being big jerkwads into his new prequels to create faux-grimdark elements.

If a Jedi is a big jerkwad, he is called a Sith Lord, by original trilogy logic. And hell, prequel logic. All Lucas did was make everybody into a Sith Lord, so its just Sith Lords fightin' Sith Lords.

[Bells]

Except for Obi Wan, thus making him the Real Hero of the whole damn thing

ALL HAIL FREAKING KENOBI!!!

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Except he is wearing a techno-suit of medience, and the ability to destroy a planet is insigificant next to the power of the McGuffin.

Is it though? Like Vader says it is but he is clearly crazy
And like what's the biggest thing they do with the force in the trilogy? Lift a starship out of the swamp? Tractor beams do it faster and easier and don't take lots of mental training to use either. Call someone from far away? Get a cell phone. The force did help them destroy the first deathstar but only in interaction with technology (which does all the lifting here) and because their targeting computers are inexplicably far worse than even our targeting computers. And the second death star- that was all technology all the time.
Killing the emperor? Luke couldn't do shit to stop him with his Jedi training, the only thing that stopped him was a father's love, nothing to do with the force. And what protected Vader from the Emperor's lightning? His big science suit.
And like people say the force drives the plot, gets the characters to move around. You know what really moves the characters around? Fucking starships.
In conclusion: Force does shit. Technology does everything.

[Bells]

You know that with a bit of stretch and twist you can make the same case about Gandalf, right?

[Fifthfiend]

Anything about the Jedi being big jerkwads is post-original trilogy fabrication so that Lucas could put Jedi being big jerkwads into his new prequels to create faux-grimdark elements.

If a Jedi is a big jerkwad, he is called a Sith Lord, by original trilogy logic. And hell, prequel logic. All Lucas did was make everybody into a Sith Lord, so its just Sith Lords fightin' Sith Lords.

Yoda was an asshole in Empire, stop kidding yourself otherwise. Jedi rhetoric about the Dark Side was always steeped in extremist hypocrisy, and Luke succeeds in Return by rejecting it.

But that's the thing- the prequels made the Jedis in hypocritical, massive dickheads, even Yoda. But they were pretty sweet in the original trilogy.

As for Vader and his force choke- as clearly demonstrated in New Hope, Vader can force choke people but Imperial scientists can explode planets. Point science.

Even Palpatine knows that. That's why he does all his work with clones and deathstars and spaceships. Vader is seriously like a dude from the 19th century mocking our medicine and curing illnesses by buring people in the earth up to thier neck.

You're reading that line ridiculously literally. All Vader's saying is cheddar don't mean shit if you ain't right with Evil Space Jesus.

[Marc v4.0]

Is it though? Like Vader says it is but he is clearly crazy
And like what's the biggest thing they do with the force in the trilogy? Lift a starship out of the swamp? Tractor beams do it faster and easier and don't take lots of mental training to use either. Call someone from far away? Get a cell phone. The force did help them destroy the first deathstar but only in interaction with technology (which does all the lifting here) and because their targeting computers are inexplicably far worse than even our targeting computers. And the second death star- that was all technology all the time.
Killing the emperor? Luke couldn't do shit to stop him with his Jedi training, the only thing that stopped him was a father's love, nothing to do with the force. And what protected Vader from the Emperor's lightning? His big science suit.
And like people say the force drives the plot, gets the characters to move around. You know what really moves the characters around? Fucking starships.
In conclusion: Force does shit. Technology does everything.

Ok, gonna pull out the Nerd Card here, but their affinity with the Force allows them to wield the Lightsabers without cutting themselves to ribbons. They are very difficult to fight with because, if I recall my Nerd technicals properly, they throw the motions off horrendously because of some wobbly gyroscopic techno-babble property of the beam.


Oh, just noticed, Palp's Force Lightning fucked Vader's suit up, which is why he died. It broke the life support. I thought that was clearly evident by how much more fucked up he was after he did that.

You think the missing mechanical hand killed him or something?

[Kerensky287]

You know that with a bit of stretch and twist you can make the same case about Gandalf, right?

Dude, Gandalf sucked.

First he was all, "Hey, it's a magic ring this hobbit found! Bitchtits." Then he was all, "Oh shit, the ring is an evil ring, oh well, may as well let the hobbit keep it, what could ever happen."

Then he died. Then he came back. Then the movie went on for way too fucking long because they insisted on the last half hour being filmed entirely in slow motion.

[Fifthfiend]

Sometimes I see the movie in my dreams playing the part of a rapist seeking to violate me. I'm afraid of it.

I used to have nightmares about Freddy Kruegger climbing out of a mirror to stab me in the eyes, but now, his face is Kim Cattral.

Then after she stabs me in the eyes, she makes bigoted comments about gay people and Arabics while I scream, and scream, and scream.

[Archbio]

The really stupid thing about this movie: the director claimed it was "based on a true story", and the story was his own story about how one time someone rang on his doorbell and he opened it and no one was there.

Then, later, he saw something about a murder on television. I don't even think it was in his area or anything, just a murder.

That's it.

So basically any movie in existence can now be said to be "based on a true story", you just have to list the unconnected things that inspired your plot as the the basis for it, and BAM! true story.

For example, I was sitting here looking at a moth flying around a lightbulb, I can now write a movie about how one time this killer was killing people with fly wires and a giant lightbulb and put "based on a true story" at the beginning.

The same thing goes for Fargo and even The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, really. The "true story" mention is really just used for effect. Not to detract from your main point, which seems pretty spot on, but the story you mention about someone being at the door is actually not quite that lame.

From what I read, a woman was at the door asking for someone who wasn't there (like in the film,) and turns out that she did it at every house on the street, essentially scouting which houses were empty and thus could be burglarized. I can see how that's creepy and inspired the set-up to the movie strongly, but it's true that it's not at all the story they're actually telling.

EDIT: BTW I thought the whole point of The Strangers was they were super competent, so competent they could like, silently break into the house, stand menacingly behind the people in it, and then leave the house and go knock on the door so they can attack through the door because I guess that's even scarier. Those are like super psychopaths, dawg.

I'm not denying that they had skills, but they were really sloppy in the application of those skills. They don't bring any weapons of their own (relying on whatever they find on the spot,) they warn their victims that they're there then leave them ample time to barricade themselves, find unexpected modes of transportation and communation that the "strangers" might not know about and arm themselves with whatever's in the house. In the movie itself the victims are too dumb to do anything but arm themselves, and barely at that, but still... by all means at the end of the movie the "strangers" should have been expected to be dead or arrested. I mean, it makes some sense for mental patients.

Which brings me to Funny Game, coincidentally, which I think The Strangers imitates consciously. In that film, at least, the intruders not being particularly interested in being effective or careful makes sense, since at least one of them knows what film they're in, and that they can't loseé

In the realm of stupid horror movies, I thought Funny Games was rather pointless, but I think we discussed this before. But frankly the only reason I thought it was pointless was the remote control scene, simply because it was just kind of a cheesy way to break the 4th wall. Up until then it was fairly interesting.


It is cheesy; but you have to understand that past the midpoint of his movies, Haneke seems to generally (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2006/01/27/DDG96GT2ET1.DTL) become unconcerned with them actually working as movies, being more interested in providing whatever half-assed lecture he actually wanted to give you in the first place.

Edit: If Haneke as a human being counted as a movie, I'd put him in my list of movies I hate. As it is, his individual movies don't inspire a strong enough level of hate by themselves for that.

[Specterbane]

The Man in the Iron Mask. The one with this douche (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000138/) in it, before he stopped (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0217505/) being ze Uberdouche.

Why? Because it butchered classic literature with the grace and finesse Gallagher preforming brain surgery. That is not how that story should end, that is not how those characters should be, and I'd rather watch THIS (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108333/)! Because at least Jack Bauer and Charlie Sheen are in it.

Also, all this talk about Star Wars and no one mentions looking at R2 being the main character who's lines were simply so outrageous they had to be edited by the senors last minute. Come on guys, he's a crucial part of every movie and if it weren't for him the Empire would've totally won everything.

[mauve]

Dude, Gandalf sucked.

First he was all, "Hey, it's a magic ring this hobbit found! Bitchtits." Then he was all, "Oh shit, the ring is an evil ring, oh well, may as well let the hobbit keep it, what could ever happen."

Then he died. Then he came back. Then the movie went on for way too fucking long because they insisted on the last half hour being filmed entirely in slow motion.

And that's just LOTR Gandalf. The Hobbit Gandalf is even worse!

"Oh, what's this? A hobbit who hates being in mortal peril? D'ohohoho guess who I'm gonna force to join a lifethreatening quest that has absolutely nothing to do with him?!"

"Oh, what's this? A potentially dangerous and/or diplomatically delicate situation up ahead? D'ohohoho, time for me to randomly disappear and let everyone else get into trouble while I go pretend to scout ahead or something!"

"Now I'll come back just in time to save everyone and hog all the glory!"

"What's this? There are fourteen of us and only three magical swords? I'm takin' the coolest one. You guys fight over the rest."

To be fair, The Hobbit's Gandalf lobbed fireballs at wolves, so that's kinda cool. Even though the fireballs ended up making the situation worse, what with the whole "oh yeah we're sitting in highly-flammable trees right now and we just set the grass on fire" thing.

And I don't even remember if he actually did anything during the Battle of Five Armies, aside from showing up in the aftermath with minor wounds.

[Bells]

Oh c'mon The Man in the Iron Mask wasn't that bad. I'm sure you can find worst adaptations of classic literature

And on that note... Charlie Sheen looks quite nice with the Goatee and Mullet combo!

and on Gandalf...

I'm not 100% sure but i think during the Trilogy his greatest feat of Magic was Shinning some lights around

[Kerensky287]

And that's just LOTR Gandalf. The Hobbit Gandalf is even worse!

"Oh, what's this? A hobbit who hates being in mortal peril? D'ohohoho guess who I'm gonna force to join a lifethreatening quest that has absolutely nothing to do with him?!"

"Oh, what's this? A potentially dangerous and/or diplomatically delicate situation up ahead? D'ohohoho, time for me to randomly disappear and let everyone else get into trouble while I go pretend to scout ahead or something!"

"Now I'll come back just in time to save everyone and hog all the glory!"

"What's this? There are fourteen of us and only three magical swords? I'm takin' the coolest one. You guys fight over the rest."

To be fair, The Hobbit's Gandalf lobbed fireballs at wolves, so that's kinda cool. Even though the fireballs ended up making the situation worse, what with the whole "oh yeah we're sitting in highly-flammable trees right now and we just set the grass on fire" thing.

And I don't even remember if he actually did anything during the Battle of Five Armies, aside from showing up in the aftermath with minor wounds.

"Oh man, you mean Sauron might be coming back? Holy shit, guys! I'd better go talk to my good buddy Saruman and tell him everything I know, I'm sure he'll come up with something!"

"Guys, we really shouldn't go through Moria. Trust me, it's a bad idea. No, fuck no! I'm not telling you WHY! Just like, we shouldn't. Okay now we're going to, I changed my mind, but like, don't touch anything because that thing I'm not telling you about will FUCK YOUR SHIT."

"There's gonna be a huge battle soon? Well, geez, we need reinforcements. I'm going to take the best horse for three days and leave you alone without my awesome tide-turning wizard powers for support. Hey, I'm back, and look at all these reinforcements! Eighty-ish horsemen. What, you've already beaten fucking everybody in the invading army and we're just going to sweep up the survivors? Damn, son, life ain't fair, is it?"

[Amake]

Gunkata looks stupid, is played without self awareness (as far as I recall) and is explained seriously all while being preposterous. It calls attention to its unrealism. That might be what they mean. That's it.

And no, I wasn't complaining about Equilibrium, it's just that all the stupidity of Gun Kata carries over from there to Ultraviolet even though in Ultraviolet it's not explicitly explained as an actual strategy that soldiers are trained to use because placing yourself where you're less likely to be hit in a gunfight with dozens of automatic rifles makes you not get hit ever.

See, you can pull of any unlikely stunt in a movie as long as you do it in a haze of sweat, hangover and chin stubble, but making those stunts an integral part of your system of law enforcement where large numbers of people depend on them to work flawlessly day after day and year after year is pretty frickin ridiculous. Gun Kata is like they took John McClane's car fu move and made it a standard police procedure, and every single time an officer needs to take down a helicopter he will find an expendable car and a ramp angled just right on the scene and the helicopter will fly low and slow so they can't miss. And helicopters are illegal and are to be shot down with cars at sight.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Last year I saw this movie that seemed like a potentially okay comedy. It's called I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell and I FUCKING HATE IT. It's all about this unlikable douche named Tucker who throws a bachelor party for his best friend but ends up ditching him for a midget stripper. There's another friend involved who forms a masochistic relationship with a single-mother/stripper and ends up bonding with her kid.

The movie plot, viewed objectively, seems like an alright story idea for a comedy but it's all torpedoed by what an unlikable asshat Tucker is. He almost ruins his best friend's life just because he wants to see midget stripper. Seriously. He's an asshole and I don't see why anyone would ever want to be friends with that douche. Neither can his friends by the end of the movie so they ditch his punk ass at the end.

But after, and I shit you not, shitting himself naked in a hotel lobby he realizes just how alone he is without his friends (cause they'll be with you while shitting yourself naked) and has a "change of heart." But how does he make up for his many transgressions? He buys a fucking bounce house for the wedding reception.

ALL IS FORGIVEN!

This really is the most despicable piece of garbage that I have ever seen. I hope they do serve beer in hell cause the people responsible for this "movie" are gonna be real thirsty down there.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Vader was crazy space jesus, but jesus coming back in the 20th century with his 1st century mentality where his once progressive ideas now seem incredibly archaic and out of date. And like you don't really want to say anything because he is Jesus but he's still talking about stoning dudes and chaining up your wife and stuff.

The Man in the Iron Mask. classic literature

You do realise its series of books was basically the twilight of its age right Massively popular but critics all mocked them heartily.


On topic: :I really hate Pirates of the Carribean. They really only have one thing going for them, which is Jack Sparrow, but after the first 10 minutes the novelty wears off and the rest of the movies are about what I'd expect from like a 1950s pirate movie.

[Archbio]

You do realise its series of books was basically the twilight of its age right Massively popular but critics all mocked them heartily.

So critics are relevant if there's a full century of buffer between you and them?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

More like anything written sufficientely long ago is a classic. I look forward to the 2150 summer blockbuster of New Moon where angry crowds protest the butchering of a literary classic.

[EVILNess]

Death Racers.

Not Death Race. Death Racers.

A not so smart friend of mine rented it cause he thought it was Death Race. We watched it out of morbid curiosity.

One of the teams was named Vaginamite. It had the Insane Clown Posse in it.

I kinda want that two hours of my life back.

[Archbio]

Other movies I HATE: Irreversible and Seul contre tous. Gaspar Noé is such a gross hack. His movies are what a very smug, unusually skilled teenager in a morbid phase would do.

---

More like anything written sufficientely long ago is a classic.

You didn't say it isn't good because it's old (which is true); you said it's Twilight because it's popular and not critically successful (which is dubious, especially when you're talking about periods populated with critics who wore monocles just so they could make them pop out when they're shocked, shocked, I say.)

Émile Zola isn't Stephanie Meyer (or Gaspar Noé.)

I dare say that Jack Sparrow sustained a full movie, plus the scene with the crabs in the third one. And I really feel cheated out of a real naval battle by that same film. Why spend at least half an hour on bringing out all of the damn pirates if they're just going to watch?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

The mid 19th century was when modern criticism really started to form. But the critics who hate it range the spectrum from then to now because it is pulpy action adventure- it was designed to be that, it was written to be that and that's what it is. A better comparision would be Dan Brown but I just like saying twilight.

As for POTC I didn't see the sequels cause I didn't like the first one so can't comment onthem but I really did get bored by Sparrow pretty quickly, he was played as a character with massive charisma and I just didn't really feel it.

[The Wandering God]

As for POTC I didn't see the sequels cause I didn't like the first one so can't comment onthem but I really did get bored by Sparrow pretty quickly, he was played as a character with massive charisma and I just didn't really feel it.
That's the joke.

[Archbio]

I just remembered I couldn't make it past the first ten minutes of Shoot 'Em Up, so I think it counts as a movie that I hate.

As for POTC I didn't see the sequels cause I didn't like the first one

Considering how many people who liked the first one disliked the sequels, maybe you should give it a try! He he hee.

The mid 19th century was when modern criticism really started to form.

Started being the operative word. And I suppose "to form" is also an important bit. The main guidelines for criticism from what I've seen was still, for a lot of critics, a very narrow (to us) conception of artistic conventions and of good taste.

But anyway, I'm not saying that The Three Musketeers was great literature, I'm saying that critics disliking it then and people liking it then is really bad critera.

And I guess I'm also saying that equating anything meant as popular entertainment to shite like Twilight and Dan Brown (durp durp antimatter durp illuminati) is kind of... offensive? I mean, past a certain point, the snob shtick stops being shtick.

And there can be such a thing as "classics of popular entertainment." And adaptations can do a disservice to a popular entertainment source material as well as to anything else. Anyway, that's all I have to say on that tangent.

The devil playing Tim Curry playing the Cardinal of Richelieu was pretty choice, though.

[Amake]

The main guidelines for criticism from what I've seen was still, for a lot of critics, a very narrow (to us) conception of artistic conventions and of good taste. Also balls. Don't forget testicles. They crucified Frankenstein for being written by someone "having the unbelievable gall to be a woman" as Cracked once put it. . .

Not quite sure why I brought that up, except there's no bad time to ever bring it up.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

I just remembered I couldn't make it past the first ten minutes of Shoot 'Em Up, so I think it counts as a movie that I hate.



Considering how many people who liked the first one disliked the sequels, maybe you should give it a try! He he hee.



Started being the operative word. And I suppose "to form" is also an important bit. The main guidelines for criticism from what I've seen was still, for a lot of critics, a very narrow (to us) conception of artistic conventions and of good taste.

But anyway, I'm not saying that The Three Musketeers was great literature, I'm saying that critics disliking it then and people liking it then is really bad critera.

And I guess I'm also saying that equating anything meant as popular entertainment to shite like Twilight and Dan Brown (durp durp antimatter durp illuminati) is kind of... offensive? I mean, past a certain point, the snob shtick stops being shtick.

And there can be such a thing as "classics of popular entertainment." And adaptations can do a disservice to a popular entertainment source material as well as to anything else. Anyway, that's all I have to say on that tangent.

The devil playing Tim Curry playing the Cardinal of Richelieu was pretty choice, though.


What I'm saying is that the Musketeers trilogy and really all of Dumas work is very much stock-standard, it does not innovate, it does not change the game, it was very much similar to hundreds of other books written at the same time and through quirks of fate became popular, mostly through its own fame- I would say the same thing about Twilight or Dan Brown, they are very similar to lots and lots of other books and their success is not due to any inherent difference of themselves but their own fame. I think this comparision is apt, I can go out and find you 100 books written around the time of the Da Vinci code which are pretty similar, I can find you 100 books written around the time of d'Artagnan books which are pretty similar. It was one of a series of books that really profited from the explosion in fame and interest in novels in the 19th century and the burgeoning celebrity culture.
I just think a "classic" should be a gamechanger, should be innovative and not simply popular because it was popular- it is still an importnat part of literary history but not for purely literary reasons.
Though to be fair I say similar things about vast swathes of the "classical" lexicon so it is more a case of everyone being wrong but me.
This is a pretty ridiculous side argument though.

Considering how many people who liked the first one disliked the sequels, maybe you should give it a try! He he hee.

Won't this mean I really really hate it though.

Another film I hate, Superman 1 (and sequels). Lots of people seem to think this is a good movie. Normally I can understand why people like a film I don't like but this one baffles me. I have no idea why people like this movie.

Edit: It's got 94 on RT, 88 on metacritci- holy shit.

[Amake]

My guess is they haven't read All-Star Superman and so don't know what a good Superman story looks like.

[Archbio]

I really can't hate the first Superman movie, mostly on account of the cast, but also can't really like it.

It's like the tagline "You will believe a man can fly" contained an unspoken promise: you'll believe a man can fly, but it's really the only thing you'll believe. A less cartoonish treatment at the end of the movie would have made a huge difference, but I suppose in those days it was unthinkable to play comic book material straight.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

I would have preferred it to be cartoony. Then something might have actually happened. The first two hours very little happens. If it was a cartoon superman would have been punching baddies and exploding mountains in this time.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

What? Who doesn't like the first two Superman movies? Those movies are right up there on my top ten. For me it goes: Empire Strikes Back, Superman I & II, Dragonslayer. Superman is without a doubt, the greatest comic book movie ever made and one the best movies of all time. Until we get a live-action rendition of Silver Age Superman.

Holy shit. What if Snyder actually did that? Could you imagine how fucking crazy it would be if it were a perfect rendition of classic Superman comics?!

Back to the topic at hand, I really don't like Shallow Hal. And I know a lot of people who do. And this bothers me.

[Krylo]

What? Who doesn't like the first two Superman movies? Those movies are right up there on my top ten. For me it goes: Empire Strikes Back, Superman I & II, Dragonslayer. Superman is without a doubt, the greatest comic book movie ever made and one the best movies of all time. Until we get a live-action rendition of Silver Age Superman.

Holy shit. What if Snyder actually did that? Could you imagine how fucking crazy it would be if it were a perfect rendition of classic Superman comics?!

Back to the topic at hand, I really don't like Shallow Hal. And I know a lot of people who do. And this bothers me.

Are you secretly a movie critic?

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Are you secretly a movie critic?

Secretly?

Edit: Would a movie critic admit to Dragonslayer being one of his favorite movies?

[Archbio]

I would have preferred it to be cartoony.

Have you seen how they stole those nuclear missiles?