"The Plans Of Evil Scientists" or "The Aliens Movie Series"

[Seil]

First off, if you haven't seen the Aliens movies, stuff it, I'm not spoilering nothin'.

But if you have, you'll remember the first movie was where they first encountered the Aliens. The second movie was where Ripley had survived, and lead a group of marines and a company dude to a remote base on some planet, and the company dude wanted to bring the Aliens back to whatever it was that they called "civilization." The third flick was when Ripley, that dude from Terminator and Lance Henrikson's robot duplicate crashed into a prison and Ripley killed herself. Then, Aliens (Surprise!) and Lance Henrikson appeared and wanted to let the Aliens survive. Ripley, who was carrying an Alien Queen, killed herself by jumping into a furnace. In the fourth one - written by Joss Wheedon - (I dun know why it was important to note that) the scientists clone Ripley (and the Alien) in order to make more Aliens.

What the fuck, scientists?

Seriously, here's what happens: in the first movie, everyone was unprepared for it. In the second one, Ripley was like "Fucking Aliens!" and people were like "Yeah, whatever." In the third one, when they had (they must have had) documented proof that the Aliens existed, what they were and what they'd done, they cloned them in the fourth movie. I think Yahtzee termed it best when he said "Evil and stupid." First of all, what do you hope to gain from an entity with a hive-mentality that sees you as food? Why would you breed that?

Why are evil scientists, who apparently have limitless funding and talent, who are undeniably brilliant, totally effing stupid?

[Magus]

Well I like to pretend the 4th movie never existed, but to go with your basic premise, I would say that the appeal of a weapon of mass destruction to military scientists always outshines the rather obvious downsides. Some of the downsides only occur in hindsight (nuclear radiation's effects on humans who survive the initial blast and the environment of the entire planet), or are so overshadowed by the advantage gained by the weapon they are downplayed. It is probably a combination of the two in this case, but probably mostly the latter: they know the Xenomorphs are extremely hardy, hard to kill, etc. but the idea of being able to drop a few eggs onto an enemy planet and utterly decimate the population is appealing. In fact, the new prequel movie Prometheus puts this forward as the reason the Xenomorphs were actually created, as a biological weapon. Unfortunately, things got out of hand, apparently...

The problem of course is the Xenomorphs seem to be inevitably harder to kill than any human opponent, and for every human enemy you would kill you would simply be replacing them with a superfast armored spider-alien thingy. Even Predators have a hard time with the things, and they're Predators!

Probably the company scientists are working behind the scenes to come up with some kind of "killswitch" for the Xenomorphs, something that will effectively shut down their reproductive cycle, or perhaps a tailored virus or something (obviously those never have any unintended effects! I can just see it getting loose, interacting with the xenomorphs and mutating through some kind of wacky mumbojumbo to be some kind of airborne spore that turns humans into xenomorphs via mere contact! Aliens 5 plot right here, folks!) that will only target xenomorphs. This would avoid trying to create a tailored virus that affects enemy humans, since those can be used against you...

But so can Xenomorphs! Basically the Xenomorphs were a horrible biological weapon that effectively failed in its purpose and backfired, and stupid humans think they can do better than the original creators. Cue multiple deaths!

[Seil]

Well I like to pretend the 4th movie never existed, but to go with your basic premise, I would say that the appeal of a weapon of mass destruction to military scientists always outshines the rather obvious downsides.

Oh, come on. The swimming scene was cool. (The Queen womb thing, not so much.)

But seriously - new prequel not withstanding - from the third flick, the humans know what they're dealing with. They do - they've literally laid everything out, from the cloning to the human hosts. So they know that they're dealing with a lethal parisitoid. Why would you make it in that environment?!

I have a similar problem with Jekyll (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAbprwIhWQQ). However, the crazy people in that just watched him, discretely crafted his life and kidnapped his family. And they're surprised when he gets mad! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tSG46O4P70)

[Marc v4.0]

Well I like to pretend the 4th movie never existed, but to go with your basic premise, I would say that the appeal of a weapon of mass destruction to military scientists always outshines the rather obvious downsides. Some of the downsides only occur in hindsight (nuclear radiation's effects on humans who survive the initial blast and the environment of the entire planet), or are so overshadowed by the advantage gained by the weapon they are downplayed. It is probably a combination of the two in this case, but probably mostly the latter: they know the Xenomorphs are extremely hardy, hard to kill, etc. but the idea of being able to drop a few eggs onto an enemy planet and utterly decimate the population is appealing. In fact, the new prequel movie Prometheus puts this forward as the reason the Xenomorphs were actually created, as a biological weapon. Unfortunately, things got out of hand, apparently...

The problem of course is the Xenomorphs seem to be inevitably harder to kill than any human opponent, and for every human enemy you would kill you would simply be replacing them with a superfast armored spider-alien thingy. Even Predators have a hard time with the things, and they're Predators!

Probably the company scientists are working behind the scenes to come up with some kind of "killswitch" for the Xenomorphs, something that will effectively shut down their reproductive cycle, or perhaps a tailored virus or something (obviously those never have any unintended effects! I can just see it getting loose, interacting with the xenomorphs and mutating through some kind of wacky mumbojumbo to be some kind of airborne spore that turns humans into xenomorphs via mere contact! Aliens 5 plot right here, folks!) that will only target xenomorphs. This would avoid trying to create a tailored virus that affects enemy humans, since those can be used against you...

But so can Xenomorphs! Basically the Xenomorphs were a horrible biological weapon that effectively failed in its purpose and backfired, and stupid humans think they can do better than the original creators. Cue multiple deaths!

According to the comic-verse humans are septuple dumb because the Space Jocky race actually created the Xenos as a biological weapon and then got wiped out by them.

Xenos also have use in drug manufacturing, and seeing as how W/Y "The Company" control everything it isn't a stretch that no one knows about Xenos save for the higher ups

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Much like splitting the atom lead to atomic bombs, magical DNA cloning leads to super alien weapons. Like sure it lead to some bad shit but resurrecting not only a Ripley who is very similar and has some of the memories of the previous ripley but also an alien growing inside of her at the time from a spot of Ripley's DNA is the most miraculous bit of sceince ever performed. Those dudes are pioneers.
And like all pioneers t hey need funding and I guess the only way they can get it is working for company evil.
But now they have pulled that shit off we can basically resurrect whoever we feel like. Your wife died? We'll just get a new one. Civil war at hand? Let's get lincoln back.
They also demonstrate the viability of mixing DNA from two species to create a super hybrid of the two. Flying horses here we come.

[Amake]

You should read the comic tie-ins if you want to see an endless fucking parade of a) idiot scientists who get obsessed with Aliens and try to study them and b) idiot soldiers who get obsessed with Aliens and try to use them as weapons.

(And at the pinnacle of both, Terminator/Alien hybrids.)

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Nah I think the pinnacle was the Super Gigantic Aliens that were like 20ft tall. No idea what the hell birthed them but there was an entire planet of those things and they needed to capture the Super Queen who was even bigger again in order to take her to Earth to lure out all the other Queens that had already overrun the planet.

Yeah, shit got crazy in the books.

[Seil]

But now they have pulled that shit off we can basically resurrect whoever we feel like. Your wife died? We'll just get a new one. Civil war at hand? Let's get lincoln back.

But... but... Arnold Schwarzenager (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTKUOYsy_1w)!