Michael Bay wants to take "Mutant" out of the Ninja Turtles.

[Flarecobra]

My mouth dropped at the news.

Michael Bay seems to be at it again: This time the creator of mega-blockbusters is planning to produce a new, live-action version of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." But, if he has his way, he may need to change the name to "Not So Mutant" Alien Turtles. Definitely less catchy.

The "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" director told a crowd recently at the Nickelodeon Upfront New York event that instead of the series fans have loved about a mutant strain of turtles from earth who are obsessed with pizza and turn into two-footed creatures thanks to some transmutant goo, Bay's reptiles will simply be an alien race.

As first called out on the blog StuffWeLike, Bay explained his vision for the 2013 remake: "When you see this movie, kids are going to believe, one day, that these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie." Wha? And then, "The turtles are from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny, and completely loveable."

For those a little fuzzy on these "loveable" creatures: First, it was a cartoon. Then it became a live-action film franchise in the 1990s. The original story revolves around four mutant two-footed turtles who are trained by a rat on the art of being ninjas, and are named after Renaissance artists. The four fight crime from their home base in the sewers of New York City.

The comic book, then television show, and finally film franchise were popular in the late '80s and early '90s. It is, in short, the perfect vehicle to be mucked up by Bay. At least that's how fans reacted on Twitter and blogs.

Illuminati tweeted, "Michael Bay is re-making Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. If Michael Bay destroys this classic, he will surely be sacrificed for his mistakes."

A fan of the "TMNT" bemoaned, "'TMNT' fans, prepare to have Michael Bay destroy your childhood the same way he's already done with mine. Three words: They are aliens." The A.V. Club opined, "Bay's willingness to reshape Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bows to no canonical authority—not even that inherent in its title."

The blog /Film agreed, arguing, "If you're going to make a movie about mutant turtles, that's what they should be, right?" Bay will produce the movie. Jonathan Liebesman ("Wrath of the Titans") will direct.

Fans can be on the lookout for the new, probably explosion-filled, action-packed alien version of "TMNT" that is scheduled to open December 25, 2013.


Ok, Bay (if one asked some of my RL friends) didn't do a good job with Transformers... and now he's planning to do this?

Is he turning into the Uwe Boll of action-cartoon-to-movie adaptions?

[Ecks]

Boy am I glad M Night Shamalamadingdong already ruined The Last Airbender so Michael Bay couldn't get his mitts on it.

Wait... no. I am still sad. Oh well, it was nice thinking one thing from my childhood could remain unbastardized. Fuck Hollywood.

[Ryong]

I'd much rather see Avatar TLA with explosions than with race-changing and, y'know, M Night Shyamalain's plot.

I'm actually okay with this.

[Flarecobra]

Shall we get the torches and pitchforks?

[rpgdemon]

So, Micheal Bay is planning on making a TNT movie? This is shocking and surprising!

[Intern Nin]

I'd much rather see Avatar TLA with explosions than with race-changing and, y'know, M Night Shyamalain's plot.

I'm actually okay with this.

He'd probably make it so that the movie is centered around an American Caucasian male who was sent into the avatar world as part of a secret american military project. Aang would be changed into 25 foot tall mess of CGI, Katara would be vapid eye candy wearing cut-off jean shorts and always bending over to fix the saddle straps on Appa(who is part helicopter), Sokka would have a really stupid subplot involving him and Suki and computers that's dropped about half-way through the film, and Zuko'd just be that walking firey explosion that keeps shouting about honor.

Then there's some big reveal that this is the future of our planet or something idiotic like that and there's a big dumb battle with the Explosion Nation and the American army is brought in to aid the Earth Kingdom army and the Earth soldiers salute the army and Firelord Ozai (who now has the powers of Sparky Sparky Boom Man) faces off against the Aangimus Prime and the protagnist saves the day by telling Aang to throw Ozai into the path of Sozin's comet (ala Power Rangers the Movie). Film ends with the protag macking with Joo Dee on the hood of a jeep who's also Zuko's uncle Iroh.

[Ryong]

He'd probably make it so that the movie is centered around an American Caucasian male who was sent into the avatar world as part of a secret american military project. Aang would be changed into 25 foot tall mess of CGI, Katara would be vapid eye candy wearing cut-off jean shorts and always bending over to fix the saddle straps on Appa(who is part helicopter), Sokka would have a really stupid subplot involving him and Suki and computers that's dropped about half-way through the film, and Zuko'd just be that walking firey explosion that keeps shouting about honor.

Then there's some big reveal that this is the future of our planet or something idiotic like that and there's a big dumb battle with the Explosion Nation and the American army is brought in to aid the Earth Kingdom army and the Earth soldiers salute the army and Firelord Ozai (who now has the powers of Sparky Sparky Boom Man) faces off against the Aangimus Prime and the protagnist saves the day by telling Aang to throw Ozai into the path of Sozin's comet (ala Power Rangers the Movie). Film ends with the protag macking with Joo Dee on the hood of a jeep who's also Zuko's uncle Iroh.

Yeah, sure, that totally sounds exactly like Michael Bay's take on Avatar and I agree forever.

:crossarms:

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Shall we get the torches and pitchforks?

Naw just bring the flaming swordchucks and shotguns.

[Fifthfiend]

He'd probably make it so that the movie is centered around an American Caucasian male who was sent into the avatar world as part of a secret american military project. Aang would be changed into 25 foot tall mess of CGI, Katara would be vapid eye candy wearing cut-off jean shorts and always bending over to fix the saddle straps on Appa(who is part helicopter), Sokka would have a really stupid subplot involving him and Suki and computers that's dropped about half-way through the film, and Zuko'd just be that walking firey explosion that keeps shouting about honor.

Then there's some big reveal that this is the future of our planet or something idiotic like that and there's a big dumb battle with the Explosion Nation and the American army is brought in to aid the Earth Kingdom army and the Earth soldiers salute the army and Firelord Ozai (who now has the powers of Sparky Sparky Boom Man) faces off against the Aangimus Prime and the protagnist saves the day by telling Aang to throw Ozai into the path of Sozin's comet (ala Power Rangers the Movie). Film ends with the protag macking with Joo Dee on the hood of a jeep who's also Zuko's uncle Iroh.

http://i606.photobucket.com/albums/tt148/fifthfiend/reactions/nuR4V.gif

[POS Industries]

He'd probably make it so that the movie is centered around an American Caucasian male who was sent into the avatar world as part of a secret american military project. Aang would be changed into 25 foot tall mess of CGI, Katara would be vapid eye candy wearing cut-off jean shorts and always bending over to fix the saddle straps on Appa(who is part helicopter), Sokka would have a really stupid subplot involving him and Suki and computers that's dropped about half-way through the film, and Zuko'd just be that walking firey explosion that keeps shouting about honor.

Then there's some big reveal that this is the future of our planet or something idiotic like that and there's a big dumb battle with the Explosion Nation and the American army is brought in to aid the Earth Kingdom army and the Earth soldiers salute the army and Firelord Ozai (who now has the powers of Sparky Sparky Boom Man) faces off against the Aangimus Prime and the protagnist saves the day by telling Aang to throw Ozai into the path of Sozin's comet (ala Power Rangers the Movie). Film ends with the protag macking with Joo Dee on the hood of a jeep who's also Zuko's uncle Iroh.
Still more watchable than Shyamalan's take.

[kyrtuck]

Haha, silly mr. Bay, TMNT isn't the series that needs rebooting.

Oh and PS, wasn't TMNT a comic series before it became a cartoon? I thought it was, but I know "no one reads comics anymore".

[Magic_Marker]

Whelp. That adds another movie I don't need to see this year. And Hollywood has been so good at capturing my attention lately too.

[CABAL49]

French films and Star Trek are all the media entertainment I need.

[Magic_Marker]

Is that actual Star Trek or just .gifs?

[CABAL49]

Why not both?

[Magus]

I can't really say I'm surprised by this. It's par for the course for Michael Bay to screw around with stuff like this. It even kind of makes sense what with Krang, et al being aliens.

[Premmy]

This title took the "Teenaged" out so I guess Bay's thing isn't that shocking.

[MSperoni]

What would prompt aliens to be ninjas?

Do they like...obsess over Japanese culture or something?

Also how would Shredder fit into all this?


EDIT: I'm betting it'll be like some kinda Superman thing where the Turtles were sent here from Planet Shelltron as babies and raised by Splinter or someone like Splinter. They probably had to flee their planet from assassins sent by Shredder (who also blew up the planet).

(I'm also going to assume the turtles are all alien princes and their assassination would benefit Shredder in some way).

(Shredder is now an artificial AI)

(Yes, an artificial AI. He's an artificial intelligence that is artificial.)

(He's just a concept created to keep the people of Shelltron in line, like Big Brother)

[BitVyper]

Also how would Shredder fit into all this?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v229/BitVyper/250px-Chrell_btts.gif

[walkertexasdruid]

I thought Bay did alright with The Transformers, first movie was really good, second was ok, and third was really good. But TMNT should be left alone.

[BitVyper]

first movie was really good

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v229/BitVyper/bumblepee-o.gif

Just so we're clear.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

I thought Bay did alright with The Transformers, first movie was really good, second was ok, and third was really good.

Is this a bannable offence? It should be.
Someobyd go put it in the rules.

[Arhra]

I thought Bay did alright with The Transformers, first movie was really good, second was ok, and third was really good. But TMNT should be left alone.

Are you kidding? The second film is the second worst film I have ever seen.

It had some nice bits, but as a whole the thing was rubbish. The climax was a complete mess of cuts between jets taking off, soldiers shooting at spiky metal things waaaaaaay off in the distance and explosions.

They were blatantly recycling their expensive, over-complex yet samey CGI models, the things that should have been the real set pieces (like Devastator, Megatron, the Fallen and any other established Decepticons) barely got any screen time, and then Optimus solves the whole thing inside of thirty seconds by having bits of another robot glued to him.

Although that last part is, at least, somewhat true to your standard Transformers plot.

Oh, lets not forgot Shia Lebouf going to Robot Heaven but being sent back, because he still has work to do.

[MSperoni]

I've only seen most of the first Transformers and maybe 10 minutes of one of the others (I didn't know if it was 2 or 3). My take on the first one is that I didn't mind it.

Like it came across as sucking but I didn't care. I didn't feel that it was meant to be analyzed as if it were a good movie so I didn't bother trying (sorta like a porno). I wouldn't spend the time to watch it again though.

It was just "yay, spectacle, I'm not sure what's going on, megan fox is hot, oh it's over? Guess I'll go do something else now."

[BitVyper]

It was a spectacle the way a man shitting himself on stage is. Like everyone says it's just a popcorn movie or whatever that's supposed to mean, but the whole thing is like ~2 hours of flashing lights and noise. There aren't any good visuals - there's barely even visuals at all because the direction was so shitty. The soundtrack wasn't even trying, the visual aesthetic was shit, the acting was abyssmal, the writing was basically non-existent, Megan Fox is so generic you might as well open up a Maxim, the jokes were roughly on the level of Dumb and Dumber, and the action was constantly obscured by shitty camerawork.

Michael Bay's Transformers does not deserve the excuses people make for it.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

It's not a spectacle though. It's like 2 hours of poop jokes and racial stereotypes followed by 10 minutes of indistinguishable robot fighitng. It's not a robot fighting movie, its a terrible not funny comedy movie with some robots appearing occasionally.

[Sky Warrior Bob]

I thought Bay did alright with The Transformers, first movie was really good, second was ok, and third was really good. But TMNT should be left alone.

I've got a different opinion of the Transformers movies entirely. The first movie was decent, but only because of the huge fan pressure for Bay not to his typical movie.

Even after that, it still wasn't all that great. But it was a decent popcorn flick.

The second one, just makes no dang sense. 3rd, even less.


Bay started off his career with a Playboy shoot for Kerri Kendall & I don't think he's progressed past that level of maturity in his directing. Pretty shots maybe, but lax on the content.

This is appropriate, sorta (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTl9ni8fVFI). Robot Chicken clip on Bay. Starts off a bit crude & nonsequiter.

Might be NSFW, so be warned.

[kyrtuck]

The only interesting thing I find about the Transformers flicks is the fact that Barack Obama is mentioned by name. In childrens and teens media, presidents are traditionally nameless faceless entities who just serve to be targets, or congradulate a hero for doing something.

[PCD]

This guy sums up pretty much everything: When you heard Michael Bay is on board, what the hell did you expect? (http://blip.tv/nostalgiacritic/why-the-ninja-turtles-should-be-aliens-6039138)

[Fifthfiend]

AUGH fuck it's Can't Just Write Down The Words Guy.

[walkertexasdruid]

Fine then I will up the ante, though I have mentioned it before-I liked The Last Air Bender! This how I will make my mark, liking stuff that you guys hate, that is if I do not get banned. The Threadkiller is back, yo!

[MSperoni]

I don't know if I can get banned, so maybe I will join in.

Chrono Cross FTW!

I've never watched Star Trek!

I don't read Homestuck!

Wheeeeeeeee *banned*

[Professor Smarmiarty]

I don't know if I can get banned, so maybe I will join in.

Chrono Cross FTW!

I've never watched Star Trek!

I don't read Homestuck!

Wheeeeeeeee *banned*

This is like a small child who wants to be evil after seeing darth vader on tv so he draws on all the walls.

[MSperoni]

The kinds of stuff one would do to get banned I wouldn't do anyway so it's never going to come up. Petty acts of forum evil are the only things I can do. I'm like Garland, really.

Besides, I just consider myself the same as any other user anyway (though I really like my purdy gold sparkly name).

[walkertexasdruid]

I like Dragonlance better than Forgotten Realms!

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Yeah well I think Hitler was right!

[Ecks]

I ship Dirk<3Roxy unironically.

[Fifthfiend]

This how I will make my mark, liking stuff that you guys hate

We already have a Seil.

EDIT: and a Robin

EDIT: And like three Smartybarrels.

[BitVyper]

We already have a Seil.

EDIT: and a Robin

EDIT: And like three Smartybarrels.

And a few who unironically enjoy Bleach.

[ZARAK]

This is appropriate, sorta (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTl9ni8fVFI). Robot Chicken clip on Bay. Starts off a bit crude & nonsequiter.

Might be NSFW, so be warned.
Made Gold by Michael Bay's reply: "God, I love being me."

No, really. (http://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7KADR8SQL23nRIuJ6o3GTQ)

[Fifthfiend]

And a few who unironically enjoy Bleach.

God Help Me, I Enjoyed Frank Miller's The Spirit.

[BitVyper]

God Help Me, I Enjoyed Frank Miller's The Spirit.

Frank Miller's The Spirit was a work of art. Just perfectly horrible.

[RobinStarwing]

We already have a Seil.

EDIT: and a Robin

EDIT: And like three Smartybarrels.

Why am I lumped in with Seil and Smarty?

And how are there three Smartybarrels? O_o One is bad enough.

EDIT: To keep on topic...nothing Hollywood does surprises me anymore.

[Ecks]

I would claim credit as one of those Smartybarrels but then everyone in the thread is just gonna go "who is this guy again?" in that boring and predictable fashion.

It's positively delicious.

[Osterbaum]

Smarty has been secretly teaching me his ways so I can one day take his place.

e: one of the three barrelbants is obviously fifth himself

[Fifthfiend]

Dear NPF

Never stop shinin'

<3,

Me

[rpgdemon]

Made Gold by Michael Bay's reply: "God, I love being me."

No, really. (http://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7KADR8SQL23nRIuJ6o3GTQ)

Gonna go ahead and say, like 70% sure that has to be fake.

[Osterbaum]

Dear NPF

Never stop shinin'

<3,

FifthMcBarrelpants
.

[Magus]

My favorite part of Transformers was the Mountain Dew vending machine transformer who shot cans of Mountain Dew at people.

No, wait, it was that Jazz, the black robot, literal first line was "What's up, little bitches?" Because that is how black people robots talk!

No wait, my favorite part was when Jazz the black robot was the first robot to get killed!

NO WAIT WAIT CAN I SAY SOMETHING ABOUT NOKIA CELLPHONES WAIT A MINUTE WHERE ARE YOU GOING

...

Anyway, Peter Laird, the other cocreator of TMNT who unfortunately has no control over the franchise anymore, having sold all rights to Eastman (who is the one that Michael Bay identified as one of the original creators helping him), had this to say on the subject (http://peterlairdstmntblog.blogspot.com/2012/03/few-musings-on-turtles-as-aliens.html):

I have had several requests from TMNT fans during this past week to comment on the idea of the Turtles being "reimagined" as aliens for the upcoming TMNT movie to be produced by Michael Bay. A few people -- who don't seem to understand that I am no longer in control of the property -- want me to stop this, somehow. Obviously, I can't do that, even if I wanted to.

But I would actually encourage TMNT fans to swallow the "chill pill" Mr. Bay recently suggested they take, and wait and see what might come out of this seemingly ill-conceived plan. It's possible that with enough truly creative brainpower applied to this idea, it might actually work. I'm not saying it's probable, or even somewhat likely… but it IS possible.

However, as I have pondered this further, I have realized that in one way it IS truly a genius notion. Let me explain…

Over the years, I have made no secret of my distaste for what I consider to be the weak, facile, creatively bankrupt idea which can be summed up like this:

"If FOUR Ninja Turtles are good, then FIVE (or more) Ninja Turtles MUST be better!"

It was in large part this brain-dead notion that led to the creation of the execrable "Venus de Milo" character in the blessedly short-lived live action TV series "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation". And I can't tell you how many times we got mail in the early years of the Turtles from people who thought it was simply an amazing idea to do a "fifth Turtle", and how many times those same people suggested that this fifth Turtle be named "Picasso". And many times, the brilliant idea to explain this extra Turtle was that, instead of there being just four pet shop turtles in that glass bowl in the origin story, there were really FIVE.

Sigh.

I'll admit -- I have played with the idea of more Turtles myself, a few times. There was the character of "Kirby", the "fifth Turtle" that Kevin Eastman and I came up with for one of the several movie ideas which never came to fruition. And I created the "Super Turtles" in Volume 4 of the TMNT comics published by Mirage… and they eventually appeared in one episode of the 4Kids animated TMNT TV series.

But…

… in both those instances, I was careful to make these Turtles not just MORE of the same, i.e. just extra TMNT. In both of the above cases, the extra Turtles were from other dimensions… and the Super Turtles, especially, were VERY different from the Ninja Turtles. I don't remember all the details of the work we did on that "Kirby the Fifth Turtle" thing, but I DO remember being adamant that if we were going to agree to the idea of a "fifth Turtle", it would have to be something other than the harebrained "there was an extra Turtle in the bowl, etc." idea.

Is that too fine a line? Yeah, maybe… but to my way of thinking, anyway, it is a CLEAR line.

Anyway, to get back to the "TMNT are aliens" thing -- the reason I say it could be a "genius" idea is that -- for the first time -- someone has come up with a way to have as many freakin' Turtles as they want. I mean, if the TMNT are actually members of an alien race, there could be a whole PLANET of them!

Joy. -- PL

Remember how Michael Bay inexplicably created all kinds of new, wacky, racist-stereotype Transformers, like the twin vans from the second movie?! NOW WE CAN HAVE A BUNCH OF NEW, WACKY, RACIST-STEREOTYPE NINJA TURTLES!

BTW about dropping mutant from the title, I can totally see Michael Bay just calling this film "Ninja Turtles", OR even just "Turtles", because that is the most supremely Michael Bay-thing for him to do.

EDIT:

Oh my God.

Someone just made me ask the question--how is Michael Bay going to justify his undoubted inclusion of his military fetish in this TMNT movie? I am absolutely horrified at the avenues.

Also there is some comedy gold going on over at the A.V. Club:

Possible bullshit workarounds [for the turtles having the names of Renaissance artists]:

-They have phonetically identical "alien" names like "Li'yo NARR-doh"

-They have names that can't be pronounced by the human tongue, but April first meets them in an American art museum that has works by all four of those guys in one room (that I'm pretty sure doesn't exist) and she gives them monikers based on the works in the gallery

-The Renaissance artists were disguised emissaries FROM the turtle planet!

[Osterbaum]

I can totally see Michael Bay just calling this film "Ninja Turtles", OR even just "Turtles"
Turtles: Dark of the Ninja of the Moon

[Intern Nin]

Magus, I just want to point out that you got one factoid in reverse: Laird bought Eastman's ownership of the property back in '08. He then sold the rights to nickelodeon and viacom. So neither of them really have a say on what Bay can or cannot do with the property.

[MSperoni]

Fuck Ninja Turtles, I wanna see a Battletoads movie.

EDIT: More on topic = I wonder if the turtles be dudes in suits or CG. I would guess CG, or maybe some kind of combination. Maybe the entire movie should just be CG.

[akaSM]

Turtles: Dark of the Ninja of the Revengeance of the Moon

FTFY

EDIT:

I wonder if the turtles be dudes in suits or CG. I would guess CG, or maybe some kind of combination. Maybe the entire movie should just be CG.

Everything will be CG, http://img805.imageshack.us/img805/1182/tmntcosplayfail.jpg

[MSperoni]

They didn't have a fourth friend to be Donatello. Unless he's the one taking the picture.

[IHateMakingNames]

Dudes in CGI suits.

Obviously the military will find the alien turtles or the alien enemies and contain them. If turtles then the military is the enemy at first but unite to fight alien enemies. If enemies then the turtles show up and save the day but the military also saves the day.

[kyrtuck]

Support Our Troops by making them involved in everything, IHMN.

[walkertexasdruid]

So when is The Last Airbender 2 coming out? ;)

[kyrtuck]

On the 2nd Friday of eternity, I believe. Or longer.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

So when is The Last Airbender 2 coming out? ;)

Never, I killed it with a pebble.


Then I killed it's soul with a stick.

Then I killed it's existance by making it witness the creation and completion of "Rules of the Internet: The Movie". Which in a chain reaction caused said movie to erase itself form all of Space and Time.


...



The Docter has a copy of it on his desk in the Tardis.

[Magus]

Fuck Ninja Turtles, I wanna see a Battletoads movie.

I have a hard time believing there wasn't a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles vs. Battletoads video game at some point in time. If not it is a totally failure of media franchising.

[BitVyper]

I think there was a comic.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

I have a hard time believing there wasn't a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles vs. Battletoads video game at some point in time. If not it is a totally failure of media franchising.

You're right someone should correct this at once.

[Magus]

I forgot about this classic Onion article until someone reminded me:

Michael Bay signs $50M Deal To Fuck Up 'Thundercats'
(http://www.theonion.com/articles/michael-bay-signs-50m-deal-to-fuck-up-thundercats,2702/)

[Kyanbu The Legend]

It's like he's actively trying to kill our childhood.

He better not EVER get his hands on my Swatkats.

[Magus]

Was he somehow not in charge of G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra for some reason? Or was he somehow responsible?

[walkertexasdruid]

I think there might have been tmnt versus battletoads on the snes, I could be wrong though.

[Sky Warrior Bob]

Just heard somebody suggest that Michael Bay might be confused & relaying that the cause of the mutation might have alien origins.

Which, is pretty much what they've always had. I mean, in the comics (& the more recent cartoon), the mutagen was a byproduct of the Utrom's projects. Heck, even the the old 1987 mutagen was alien tech, if you consider alternate dimension tech, alien.

I'm not going to say that I like Bay, or his movies, but this might be Bay just being a moron & not being able to follow the script. Or have any prior understanding of TMNT.

Rather than him, getting rid of the mutant element of the name. Heck, I think removing Mutant from the title, woudn't really fly.

[MSperoni]

I think there might have been tmnt versus battletoads on the snes, I could be wrong though.

There was a Battletoads/Double Dragon crossover game, but I don't think there ever was a Battletoads/TMNT game.

[Magus]

Just heard somebody suggest that Michael Bay might be confused & relaying that the cause of the mutation might have alien origins.

Which, is pretty much what they've always had. I mean, in the comics (& the more recent cartoon), the mutagen was a byproduct of the Utrom's projects. Heck, even the the old 1987 mutagen was alien tech, if you consider alternate dimension tech, alien.

I'm not going to say that I like Bay, or his movies, but this might be Bay just being a moron & not being able to follow the script. Or have any prior understanding of TMNT.

Rather than him, getting rid of the mutant element of the name. Heck, I think removing Mutant from the title, woudn't really fly.

This is just somebody holding out a hope for this not being a disaster, I think. No, he is making them from an alien race. And has defended this since then, so there would have been plenty of time to clarify his point/alter what he had said/have someone from the production feverishly inform him or the public that it is only the ooze that is an alien product. So I think this theory that Bay is mistaken on his own production is just a ghost of a hope. Besides which, it would make him look like an even worse director if he doesn't understand the basic story of the movie he is directing. So his being mistaken on this point shouldn't really allay anyone's fears, if he is actually somehow mistaken.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Just heard somebody suggest that Michael Bay might be confused & relaying that the cause of the mutation might have alien origins.

Which, is pretty much what they've always had. I mean, in the comics (& the more recent cartoon), the mutagen was a byproduct of the Utrom's projects. Heck, even the the old 1987 mutagen was alien tech, if you consider alternate dimension tech, alien.

I'm not going to say that I like Bay, or his movies, but this might be Bay just being a moron & not being able to follow the script. Or have any prior understanding of TMNT.

Rather than him, getting rid of the mutant element of the name. Heck, I think removing Mutant from the title, woudn't really fly.

TMNT 2: Secret of the motherfucking ooze says you are wrong.

[tacticslion]

It was a spectacle the way a man shitting himself on stage is. Like everyone says it's just a popcorn movie or whatever that's supposed to mean, but the whole thing is like ~2 hours of flashing lights and noise. There aren't any good visuals - there's barely even visuals at all because the direction was so shitty. The soundtrack wasn't even trying, the visual aesthetic was shit, the acting was abyssmal, the writing was basically non-existent, Megan Fox is so generic you might as well open up a Maxim, the jokes were roughly on the level of Dumb and Dumber, and the action was constantly obscured by shitty camerawork.

Michael Bay's Transformers does not deserve the excuses people make for it.

Pst. Bit. Biiiit. Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
I can't be the only one to have noticed the irony (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=41458), here.

When I first saw it, it was kind of like a lesser version of when I saw Phantom Menace: I thought, "well, I like Transformers, so I must like this", but the illusionment was dis-'ed much more quickly. It's not a good film. It's not as bad as many people make it out to be, but it's not a good film. It also highly disrespects its own franchise. And the rest just get worse (or "better", depending on who you ask - not me).

I'm still kind of holding out against hope. I loved TMNT far more than Transformers, but I've been smacked by their live action movies before (hello, TMNT 3: Turtles in Time), so I can't exactly say it'd be a new experience.

EDIT:
I also love how the "Secret of the Ooze"... was just that it was all random. Literally no secret at all. A complete accident. "OOPS THERE ARE MUTANT TURTLES NOW".

[Magus]

TMNT 2: Secret of the motherfucking ooze says you are wrong.

Presumably Bay is rebooting this shit, though. Which is why he can make them aliens, or be so stupid as to say they are aliens when they are not, I guess.

But yeah the ooze in the comics is supposed to ultimately have an alien origin. The movie just doesn't mention it, I guess.

I'm just not seeing how Bay could possibly be so mindless as to go from "ooze created by alien technology" to "turtles are from an alien race" and then fail to clarify this in subsequent questions from the media, as he has indeed talked about his earlier statement in a more recent statement and maintained they are aliens within it.

But Bay being really, really, REALLY stupid does seem a legitimate possibility...before now I merely thought him callous and insipid, with a serious hard-on for explosions and military equipment and military equipment exploding while soldiers scream "TANGO WHISKEY FOXTROT ALPHA! COMMENCE BOMBARDMENT AND PATROL SECTOR CHARLIE ROGER BETA!" at each other loudly for several minutes.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

EDIT:
I also love how the "Secret of the Ooze"... was just that it was all random. Literally no secret at all. A complete accident. "OOPS THERE ARE MUTANT TURTLES NOW".

The secret was that it was rapped into being by vanilla ice.
It wouldn't be a secret if they just flat up told you. But rewatch it with this information in mind. It makes sense.

Which is why he can make them aliens, or be so stupid as to say they are aliens when they are not, I guess.

But yeah the ooze in the comics is supposed to ultimately have an alien origin. The movie just doesn't mention it, I guess.

I'm just not seeing how Bay could possibly be so mindless as to go from "ooze created by alien technology" to "turtles are from an alien race" and then fail to clarify this in subsequent questions from the media, as he has indeed talked about his earlier statement in a more recent statement and maintained they are aliens within it.

But Bay being really, really, REALLY stupid does seem a legitimate possibility...before now I merely thought him callous and insipid, with a serious hard-on for explosions and military equipment and military equipment exploding while soldiers scream "TANGO WHISKEY FOXTROT ALPHA! COMMENCE BOMBARDMENT AND PATROL SECTOR CHARLIE ROGER BETA!" at each other loudly for several minutes.

Nobody read the comics because comics are for nerds. The ooze was made by an evil company doing evil things.

[Magus]

EDIT:
I also love how the "Secret of the Ooze"... was just that it was all random. Literally no secret at all. A complete accident. "OOPS THERE ARE MUTANT TURTLES NOW".

The Secret of the Ooze is like The Secret of Monkey Island: a title created merely to make fans go, "What is the secret of the ooze?" for years afterwards.

[tacticslion]

The Secret of the Ooze is like The Secret of Monkey Island: a title created merely to make fans go, "What is the secret of the ooze?" for years afterwards.

Exactly.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

The Secret of the Ooze is like The Secret of Monkey Island: a title created merely to make fans go, "What is the secret of the ooze?" for years afterwards.

No I explained it in my post.

And the secret of monkey island is that Lemonhead is gay

[MSperoni]

The Secret of the Ooze is like The Secret of Monkey Island: a title created merely to make fans go, "What is the secret of the ooze?" for years afterwards.

I need to steal this idea.

[Magus]

No I explained it in my post.

And the secret of monkey island is that Lemonhead is gay

I thought it was that Guybrush doesn't like mushrooms?

[walkertexasdruid]

How about The Transformers Meets The Last Airbender, a Micheal Bay presentation of a M. Night Shamynad film. ;)

[MSperoni]

Transformers meets Sixth Sense!

"I see transformers..."

"You're crazy, kid!"

Then it turns out Bruce Willis is the kid's PSP THE WHOLE TIME. DUN DUUUUUN.

[walkertexasdruid]

Transformers meets Sixth Sense!

"I see transformers..."

"You're crazy, kid!"

Then it turns out Bruce Willis is the kid's PSP THE WHOLE TIME. DUN DUUUUUN.

That's a good one. Finally someone here who 'gets me'. ;)

[BitVyper]

Pst. Bit. Biiiit. Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
I can't be the only one to have noticed the irony, here.

I don't get it. What are you trying to call me on here? I'm not really sure you know. Are you comparing SMB to Bay's TFs? If so, you're pretty much objectively wrong. Like, even if you're the kind of sociopath who didn't like SMB, they did pretty different things. You're not going to criticise SMB for the things the TF movies did wrong because SMB didn't do those things. The stupid, lazy filming techniques Bay shits on his movies with were still appropriately considered stupid mistakes to be avoided when SMB came out. If you have a problem with SMB, even if the problem is broadly similar (like say "visuals") your criticisms are going to be based on fairly different criteria. For instance, you can actually see the action in SMB clearly. Like if TF had been handled the way SMB was, I would probably have no issues with it. It would have clear visuals, solid designs, a willingness to explore the otherworldliness of the TFs, and primary focus on the title characters and their struggles. Also no Megan Fox or Shia LeBouf and a general acceptance that people who don't fit into the supermodel standard of attractiveness can be passionate and fall in love (seriously, Bertha's probably my favourite thing about that movie. Mario should'a taken her with him).

There is no reason that you would call SMB "~2 hours of flashing lights and noise," like I said about Bay's TFs. At least if you did, your metaphor would be demonstrably misleading. You might have other problems with it, but your problems, but you'd have to stretch your parameters to the point of uselessness to put them in the same category.

Even the things I praised about SMB are things that have no relevance here. TF doesn't do anything with its setting - its setting is just modern America. It doesn't really have any costumes beyond normal clothes and uniforms, and it's definitely not anything I would call fun, as it goes out of its way to be stupidly gritty and serious with its designs.

Are you saying it's ironic because I made a big thread about how SMB is a fantastic movie even though other people shit-talk it, but I call another movie shit? 'Cause if that's the case, you need to revisit your understanding of irony.

I just can't really work out what it is you're trying to call me on here.

[Osterbaum]

I like to imagine that "SMB" in this context is short for SmartyMcBarrelpants and that Bit is furiously defending Smarty as the superior product to Transformers.

[tacticslion]

Bit:

Super Mario Brothers: it outright ignored and rewrote a number of elements that, at the time, were kind of fundamental to the franchise (and still represents the Mario franchise about as well as, say, any given PETA commercial).

Transformers: hey it's kinda similar in that way!

Also, both movies really irritated the fans of said franchises and were directed by people that nobody liked and get a metric ton of hate on the internets (and have very vocal defenders).

I mean, I could go on, but I'll stop there, 'cause, you know - I'm not really trying to pick a fight. Short version: SMB wasn't a great movie. You defend it as if it was, then get really irritable at people who don't share your taste. I find that kind of funny. That kind of
irony 1 (?a?r?n?)

— n , pl -nies
1. the humorous or mildly sarcastic use of words to imply the opposite of what they normally mean
2. an instance of this, used to draw attention to some incongruity or irrationality
3. incongruity between what is expected to be and what actually is, or a situation or result showing such incongruity
4. See dramatic irony
5. philosophy See Socratic irony
(see the third definition, the one that fits in this case, as I actually often agree with your taste).

(EDIT: in other words, you're over-analyzing an off-hand comment)

Also, what Osterbaum says: that's hilarious.

EDIT: more on topic - so, Bay: complete monster or just a doofus?

[Azisien]

What I never got about people railing on Transformers is that yeah, the Bay interpretations are really shallow and often times crappy even with a superficial review, but it's not like the real source material of Transformers is good. It's shit too. Citation not needed. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=SRCF9F3h88E#t=3866s)

[Krylo]

Bit:

Super Mario Brothers: it outright ignored and rewrote a number of elements that, at the time, were kind of fundamental to the franchise And which would not have worked at all in a movie format. It kept the bare skeleton of the basic plot with the goombas and the mushroom kingdom and the princess, and then rewrote everything necessary to make it work as a 1993 movie, as that a movie about some dude jumping on weird mushroom people to save a princess with no dialogue or characterization of any real sort would not have flown, and they didn't really have the technology to, say, recreate the Super Mario Super Show in live action.

Further, it's still obvious watching the movie that somebody CARED, and not just a little, either. There's a lot of love that went into it which is obvious as you watch the movie.

Transformers: hey it's kinda similar in that way!Except that the changes made were unnecessary and of a completely different caliber. They weren't changes to make it work as a movie, they were changes to allow Michael Bay to fetishize the military. And just... add racism for no real reason. And move the focus of the movie away from the title characters.

When people complain about the changes to the franchise in the Bay movie they have specific complaints as to what changed and why that made it a poor movie.

When people do the same for Super Mario Brothers it's just 'It's nothing like the games' which, itself, isn't really completely true, but just not a similar complaint at all except on a level so b... wait hold on:


you'd have to stretch your parameters to the point of uselessness to put them in the same category.

Also, both movies really irritated the fans of said franchises and were directed by people that nobody liked and get a metric ton of hate on the internets (and have very vocal defenders).And again: you'd have to stretch your parameters to the point of uselessness to put them in the same category.

What I never got about people railing on Transformers is that yeah, the Bay interpretations are really shallow and often times crappy even with a superficial review, but it's not like the real source material of Transformers is good. It's shit too. Citation not needed. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=SRCF9F3h88E#t=3866s)

I totally agree except that the Bay movies are even worse than the original source material which is an accomplishment of some degree. It's like he viciously cut away anything that was ever good about the source, kept everything terrible about the source, and then added a bunch more terrible stuff to replace the good stuff he had cut away.

It's like some kind of black magic he's got going on.

[Magus]

Transformers is just shitty, though. Not even on an adaptation level. I mean it probably did a decent job of adapting shit, all in all. You got Megatron fightin' Optimus Prime for the Cube which is pretty much the Matrix or whatever. It is just a terrible, terrible commer--I mean, movie. Whereas SMB was at least somewhat enjoyable in and of itself, even if also a terrible adaptation.

I'll tell you what, I'll take Mario and Luigi dancing to Everybody Walk the Dinosaur in a dystopian nightclub over that annoying as fuck tiny robot who inexplicably had a Brooklyn accent in that second movie. Man that was an annoying robot. Shit.

SHIT.

[Krylo]

Don't forget robot balls.

[Magus]

Don't forget robot balls.

Oh, God, I can't remember this...were they like wrecking balls on a construction truck or something? God don't even tell me I don't want to know...

[Krylo]

MzJbizELHYQ

[Magus]

MzJbizELHYQ

Michael Bay: "Don't blame me. Blame yourself, or God."

[Azisien]

Over the course of the first two Transformers films I kind of got what Bay was doing though. He was taking a stupid cartoon - and yes it IS stupid and also just a marketing ploy of its own - and adapting it into a flashy superficial robot slug fest with admittedly too-long slapstick/low-grade comedic segments. And hot chicks. It's all very superficial but, what were you expecting? Something deep to get interpreted from the 80's cartoon about the adventures of a Hasbro Robot Toy Line? Set expectations to Low, and brain to Low, and I thought the first two Transformers movies were pretty watchable. Award worthy, absolutely not, except for maybe special effects. They're popcorn movies.

I have no explanation for Dark of the Moon though. That did require black magic. Holy hell that was boring and also why was it like 4 hours long?

[Krylo]

I was expecting him to have giant robots beat and shoot each other up while talking about freedom being the right of all sentient beings and to be able to tell what the hell was happening when that happened.

Instead I got robot fights that were completely impossible to discern what was happening and a bunch of Shia Lebouf talking.

Like, it's not that it wasn't deep, it was that it wasn't even a good mindless movie.

[Krylo]

I mean, "Giant robots shoot each other up and turn into cool cars" is a pretty hard thing to fuck up but he FOUND A WAY.

[Karrrrrrrrrrrresche]

Optimus Prime shouldn't be demanding that other Transformers give him their faces.

[Premmy]

MzJbizELHYQ

Technically speaking he is below the enemy exposed testes.

[rpgdemon]

Technically speaking he is below the enemy exposed testes.

That bothered me too.

[Ecks]

No see the way he fucked up Transformers wasn't necessarily having anything to do with the Transformers themselves.

It was, and has always been, having Shia LeDouchebag as the central character.

WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THIS TOTAL DWEEB. WHY ARE WE FOLLOWING HIM AROUND WHEN THERE ARE ROBOTS FUCKING FIGHTING FOR FREEDOMS AND ENERGON AND SHIT.

Seriously that kid is on par with Michael Cera for most fucking annoying actor ever. He also ruined Indie Jones and the Crystal Skull for me. Hell everything he's ever been in has sucked because of him.

Fuck Shia LeTurd.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

The transformers movie wasn't about the transformers. End of.

[kyrtuck]

Sad thing is, I can remember a time when people were actually looking forward to these movies:

http://www.fireball20xl.com/gbs/index.php?id=80

[tacticslion]

Transformers is just shitty, though. Not even on an adaptation level. I mean it probably did a decent job of adapting shit, all in all. You got Megatron fightin' Optimus Prime for the Cube which is pretty much the Matrix or whatever. It is just a terrible, terrible commer--I mean, movie. Whereas SMB was at least somewhat enjoyable in and of itself, even if also a terrible adaptation.

I'll tell you what, I'll take Mario and Luigi dancing to Everybody Walk the Dinosaur in a dystopian nightclub over that annoying as fuck tiny robot who inexplicably had a Brooklyn accent in that second movie. Man that was an annoying robot. Shit.

SHIT.

You know, I'm actually in complete agreement with Magus. Now that I've distanced myself from it, I can enjoy Super Mario Brothers (though it'll never be one of my favorites).

THAT SAID, I also know people who genuinely enjoy Transformers. I ain't one, and it's likely that I never will be, but yeah, there are people who truly like it. Bad jokes and all. Go them!

Just so we're clear: there's nothing wrong with liking a bad (or okay, or awful, or any other kind of) movie. Hudson Hawk (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hudson_Hawk). It's a terrible movie. Simply phenomenal in its scope of awful. I love every minute of it. I'm totally okay with that. I'm totally okay with people generally hating it. I'm totally okay with anyone liking or hating any movie they like, in general. Feel free!

Almost the entirety of my response was to:
Michael Bay's Transformers does not deserve the excuses people make for it.

To that I say: "meh, to each their own". It's just a strange choice of words from a guy who's going out of his way to defend a movie that is so widely panned by critics, fans, and people who helped create the thing. That's all!

And Krylo - I was going to go all "here's a response to you" but, given my predilections for talking, it got too large and too deraily on this thread, so I put it in the other one (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=41458).

NOW ABOUT NINJA TURTLES (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teenage_Mutant_Ninja_Turtles_(film_series)): so, apparently they're dropping both the "Teenaged" and "Mutant" from the title. Whelp!

[Magus]

NOW ABOUT NINJA TURTLES (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teenage_Mutant_Ninja_Turtles_(film_series)): so, apparently they're dropping both the "Teenaged" and "Mutant" from the title. Whelp!

Man, why do I have to be right about crap like this? I was half-kidding when I said he will probably do that.


Newswire Michael Bay will explain why it's just called Ninja Turtles now, if you'll just give him a chance
by Sean O'Neal March 27, 2012

After suffering the slings and arrows of outraged fanboys over the inclusion of racist robots and morons who don’t appreciate the beauty of 3-D, Michael Bay has once again been forced to take arms against a sea of troubled Internet people—this time defending the purity of logic dictating that human-sized turtles skilled in the art of ninjutsu must naturally be aliens, otherwise no one would believe them. But no sooner had Bay and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles co-creator Kevin Eastman entered respective pleas to “chill” then a new controversy erupted over the decision to name the film Ninja Turtles, indicating that both the “mutant” and “teenage” aspects of the characters had been removed.

And while this demonstrably makes the entire notion of ninja turtles 50 percent more reasonable, not everyone sees it that way, forcing Bay to stand up once more for rationality with a another terse, straining-for-diplomacy statement on his website. “Paramount marketing changed the name. They made the title simple,” Bay said of the decision to boil down its capitalization on a recognizable franchise name to its most salient storytelling core, much like the recent proven formula of John Carter. But please, Bay asks, stop worrying and also shut up:

“The characters you all remember are exactly the same, and yes they still act like teenagers. Everything you remember, why you liked the characters, is in the movie. This script is being developed by two very smart writers, with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles. They care VERY MUCH about making this film for the fans. Everyone on this team cares about the fans. Just give them a chance. Jonathan [Liebesman] the director, is a major fan of the whole franchise. HE’S NOT GOING TO LET YOU DOWN.”

Let this matter now be resolved, lest Michael Bay be forced to deploy even more capitalized letters, or put Krang in tiny denim shorts just to spite you.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Jon Carter was a box office bomb. How does that prove you should shorten your titles?

[IHateMakingNames]

Jon Carter was a box office bomb. How does that prove you should shorten your titles?
But that guy was so condescending. He has to be right.

[Magus]

Jon Carter was a box office bomb. How does that prove you should shorten your titles?

Everything written on the A.V. Club is (usually) sarcastic, especially if Bay is involved. For example:

Michael Bay has time and again demonstrated that there is no story so set in stone that it cannot be blasted out like blaaaaaaaam, then remade to suit a revised, more contemporary interpretation like kaboooooom. And as reported by Stuff We Like, Bay’s willingness to reshape Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bows to no canonical authority—not even that inherent in its title—as Bay recently announced that his upcoming live-action reboot will feature far more realistic, relatable ninja turtles, beginning by getting rid of the ridiculous “mutant” part and turning them into regular, everyday aliens. “When you see this movie, kids are going to believe, one day, that these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie,” Bay said, as the rules of sentence structure jackknifed and exploded. “These turtles are from an alien race and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny, and completely lovable.” And while that will likely rile fans of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and people who can read words, at least we can take comfort that Michael Bay intends to get rid of their always-murky “mutant” origin story, and finally give these teenage ninja turtles some grounding in science.

[Regulus Tera]

Jon Carter was a box office bomb. How does that prove you should shorten your titles?
I'm assuming it is done in order to not get a lawsuit for false advertising, considering they are no longer teenage nor mutant.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Still a damn shame considering when this thing started it was screaming original comics TMNT: The Movie.

Whelp MB, you've given me and every TMNT fan a good strong reason not to see this possible train wreak.

[walkertexasdruid]

I liked The Transformers, and I offer no appologies. Same with The Last Airbender. Go on abuse me more, I like it. Go on, keep talking 'cause its true.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

I liked The Transformers, and I offer no appologies. Same with The Last Airbender. Go on abuse me more, I like it. Go on, keep talking 'cause its true.

...

I respect you for being open about it.

[ZARAK]

Fuck Ninja Turtles, I wanna see a Battletoads movie.
ggmOeBnbyXI

[Magus]

ggmOeBnbyXI

"Toad ring, do your thing!"

I liked The Transformers, and I offer no appologies. Same with The Last Airbender. Go on abuse me more, I like it. Go on, keep talking 'cause its true.

I can picture a leather-clad dominatrix beating Michael Bay, whispering in his ear while he grovels, "Yes, you're a bad boy, aren't you? You ruined Transformers for everyone! You love ruining everything, don't you, you bad, bad boy! It makes you feel good, doesn't it. So goooood. YOU BAD BOY! Time for your punishment, you bad boy!"

[Flarecobra]

http://www.nerfnow.com/comic/image/724

This'll be the only fucking way I'll watch this movie.

[kyrtuck]

So then they'd have to make a sequel thats like AVP except with TMNT vs Battle Toads.

[Premmy]

I think Kyruck just discovered Bay's secret, brilliantly stupid plan.

[Krylo]

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1owld90VW1qgfulao1_500.jpg

[Sky Warrior Bob]

http://tmntnottant.blogspot.de/2012/08/the-tant-script-reviewed.html
https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B22ZbuTtrOA3aDdpWFhUNGRacWs

Apparently, the script leak for Bay's movie. Yeug..

And Colonel Schrader & the Foot paramilitary group, kinda makes it worse.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

wow bay, that's just all kinds of awful. Well rather the script is legit or not doesn't matter since the project has been canceled.

[Magus]

THE PROPHECY LIVES

EDIT: There are also magic orbs in this guyz

[Flarecobra]

wow bay, that's just all kinds of awful. Well rather the script is legit or not doesn't matter since the project has been canceled.

I have not seen anything offical about this yet.

[Magus]

I heard it was postponed indefinitely (probably until they can write a half-decent script).

[greed]

I heard it was postponed indefinitely (probably until they can write a half-decent script secure product placement).

Fixed that for you