[poll request] A hypothesis

[Fifthfiend]

JJ Abrams is like Michael Bay except he somehow doesn't want to make you kill yourself.

Requesting relevant evidence for and against this supposition.

SUGGESTED EXPERIMENTAL TEST

Take Star Trek (2009) and start changing things until you have Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

REQUESTED POLL QUESTION

On consideration of the evidence I do find that JJ Abrams is indeed like Michael Bay except he somehow doesn't want to make you kill yourself.

-Yes
-No

(request options: single-choice, public voting)

[BitVyper]

Thing 1: Make the Enterprise look like shit.

[Fifthfiend]

Mods I submit that we can close this thread as I think the evidence here is basically unassailable.

[Fifthfiend]

It would have racer flames on it.

[Krylo]

And be made entirely out of chrome.

[BitVyper]

Megan Fox as Uhura

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Jellyfish ship takes a dump right in the middle of the Narada's holding bay.

[Aldurin]

Will Spock be a legit elf in this version? Or still remain a pseudo-elf?

[Fifthfiend]

Spock will be Marlon Wayans.

[BitVyper]

Spock will be Marlon Wayans.

Making the movie very definitely not racist.

Speaking of which, the ship's computer will have the voice of a HILARIOUS Latino stereotype.

[Fifthfiend]

In fairness that would actually be like the second Latino I've seen on Star Trek.

[CABAL49]

Latinos are actually illegal aliens and Nero becomes middle eastern.

[Osterbaum]

The Enterprise's shuttles look more like tanks than shuttles.

[Arhra]

Red matter destroys planets AND brings the dead back to life.

Clarity of purpose is for lesser plot devices.

[Intern Nin]

The transporter converts people into flaming meteors and causes a substantial amount of property damage each time a team is sent down to a planet.

[Flarecobra]

Everything explodes.

Including the explosions.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

90% of the movie is spent on earth following the comedic misadventures of Spock and Scotty.

[Sifright]

90% of the movie is spent on earth following the comedic misadventures of Spock and Scotty.

They did that film it was pretty good!

[Intern Nin]

Captain Pike is played by Bruce Willis and he will never accept Kirk as his son-in-law.

[CABAL49]

Uhura's lines in the movie are only,"Oh no you didn't!" and "Hell no!" She repeats them many times though.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Hash brownies in the replicator.

[Doc ock rokc]

Phasers replaced by cheap BB guns with the orange tips barely spray painted over.

[Nique]

Shia Lebouf as the Enterprise AI

"No no no no no no no no no no no no...!"