I watched Battleship

[Bells]

Fun, silly, entertaining.

A movie worth going if you need something to do in a weekend, just don't waste cash on 3d.

Essentially, the movie start out double stuffed with cheese. The All American Good Navy Guy trying to put his dumbfuck brother on track and end up forcing him into the navy where he kinda gets his act together, but continues to fuck things up.

Lo'and behold just around that time, Nasa found a perfectly analog planet to earth and started beaming Sound waves towards it... as it turns out, the Aliens seems to get reeeeeeeeeally pissed about all the White Noise from space, cause they just decide to come up and Conquer us... there is one micro-scene that kinda, maybe suggests that they are fleeing their planet and looking for a new one to live... but if you blink y'll miss it. Also, the same scene kinda, maybe, sorta suggest that the aliens have some sort of Telepathic ability... i dunno.

Well, It just so happens that the Aliens aren't invencible. Just much stronger. They can beat us, but not take as fully head on. Specially since their First contact is made of 4 Ships (one which gets blown up upon entry into the atmosphere) and a Mothership. They need to send a signal home to kinda paint the trail for their whole Assault fleet.

All of this just so happens to take place right during the Military Navy Wargames around Hawaii (where also you have the only Tower the aliens can use to signal home) and presto, you have a setting.

The entire navy exercise seems to be just about Japan and the USA, which at first don't seem to get along, but by the end they become buddies...

All and all feels like a Michael bay movie but with you actually being able to follow the plot and the action on screen.

The way they placed the original "Battleship" board game into this one was really crafty and got a chuckle out of me, well done indeed. Also points for the aliens for having Weapons ten times more impractical then they are powerful while still being really damn powerful.

EDIT: Ah! Also it seems that you have Rihanna in this movie as the only Female member in all the navy all around the world... so there is that.

Also fun is how by the third act they are forced to bring in a bunch of really old guys to run a old battleship instead of their super modern destroyers.

But if you REALLY want to watch this movie, for whatever reason... do it to see http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/000/727/DenshaDeD_ch01p16-17.png
... but done with a boat in the ocean. I'm not joking, i'm telling you... this happens and it's awesome.

[Magus]

How many aliens does Liam Neeson personally kill?

[Archbio]

How late into the film does Liam Neeson say the line "You sunk my battleship?"

[Magus]

How late in the film does Liam Neeson say the line "I remember enough from naval academy to kill you, asshole."

[Bells]

None. He stays the entire movie trapped outside of the Shield bubble in the warzone the Aliens created to defend their Signal Beam while they waited to set everything for transmission... only 3 Ships stayed inside the Bubble with the 4 Alien ships.

So he spends the whole movie yelling to the white house cause they want him to smash another jet fighter into the bubble shield even though they last ones exploded for doing so.

Seriously.

But by the end of the movie he actually orders "i want every jet on this ship in the air now" which triggers all the 3 fighter jets to go and help out.

Again, seriously.


EDIT: Actually a really old senior sailor that helps out by the end says "You will not sink my Battleship!" and another one spouts right in a scene where every other sounds stops to give space for his voice "Let's blast those Motherfu---" the actually do the "Motherfu*cut to explosion*" thing twice. Rihanna gets the first one.

[Locke cole]

Okay, does anybody say anything close to "You alien bastards, you sunk my battleship!"? Or, at least, "I won't let these alien bastards sink my battleship!"?

Because if that sort of line is in the movie, it will all be worth it.

edit: Ah, ninja'd by an edit. Well, then it's all worth it, I guess.

[Magus]

I feel like Liam Neeson was wasted on this film.

[Bells]

AH! I forgot. Coke and Subway have product placement in this movie. I mention this because it's so IN YOUR FACE...

i think Mountain Dew is in there too... but they probably payed less cause i think they just appear in this one scene where a oddly placed Sign by the road gets destroyed by the Automated Giant Ball of Spikes and Death the Aliens Ship can launch to cut all the main highways in half.

[Osterbaum]

You're making it sound like the movie is worth watching! I can wait until it's on DVD though.

[Bells]

uh uh uh uh !!! I Almost forgot!

if you so happen to catch this (i would advise a Netflix viewing or maybe even PPV) don't forget to check the Craptacular CGI scene on the Bridge where it collapses with all the cars.

I swear, it's like a Power Rangers episode.

Which is actually odd because all the other Visual effects are quite nicely done. But that one scene... wow, i was actually holding myself to chuckle under my breath.

Also, i forgot to mention that the Alien Ammunition once it blows up, it expands, then sucks everything, and then expands again, and sucks everything again and the explodes, in a fraction of a second. They have a whole scene just to showcase that affect.


....i really like Battleship.

[Lumenskir]

Snuck into this right as the aliens crash landed. It's pretty much what Bells has said, except he neglected to point out that about a third of the movie is dedicated to the love interest taking a (real life) double amputee up the mountain and then having to delay the alien's back-up communications plan, which...I mean, the fact that he's an actual vet who has given up a lot for this country is inspiring, but he cannot act and the entire section is like some long ad for why you should join the military even with the threat of losing limbs, because you'll still totally be able to kick some ass with the skills they teach you.**

*Don't see The Dictator, kids.
**Really, this entire movie feels like the director saw that old ad where a Marine kills a lava demon and decided to make a 2 hour ad where the Navy battles aliens.
there is one micro-scene that kinda, maybe suggests that they are fleeing their planet and looking for a new one to live... but if you blink y'll miss it. Also, the same scene kinda, maybe, sorta suggest that the aliens have some sort of Telepathic ability... i dunno.
Yeah, I wasn't sure if that was meant to suggest that they were refugees looking to find a new home, or conquistadors looking for a new place to ravish.

In fact, there were whole stretches of the movie where I thought it was attempting some sort of psuedo-Starship Troopers anti-fascism statement because of how weirdly the aliens acted. If they were meant to be just slaughter bots with faces there were too many scenes where they could clearly and easily kill humans and instead chose other non-living targets or waited to act in self-defense, and then by the end they were just baddies killing indiscriminately.
Also fun is how by the third act they are forced to bring in a bunch of really old guys to run a old battleship instead of their super modern destroyers.
The best part of that scene isn't that they have to round up a bunch of old sailors, it's the fact that the old sailors are already on the ship in the early morning waiting around to be pressed into service. And they aren't even standing together, they seem to have positioned themselves at completely opposite and high parts of the ship, again just waiting around like near-senile ninjas.