Dear "Silent Hill Revelations 3D"

[Seil]

FUCK YOU!

No, seriously, fuck you and everyone who looks like you.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

It was that bad huh.

I seem to keep hearing a lot of bad things about it. Must be one hell of a train wreak.

[Jagos]

Can I get a review on what happened?

[Magus]

I knew there wasn't much going for it when they decided to make it Jon Snow's actor's film debut, despite the fact that Jon Snow's actor is the worst actor on Game of Thrones barring random side characters.

EDIT: Dear God I didn't even think it was possible to get a 6% on Rotten Tomatoes.

ANOTHER EDIT: Oh, yeah, his name is Kit Harrington. Anyway, I presumed he was acting that way on Game of Thrones because Jon Snow is a dumb git (I mean its fitting enough), perhaps he is just a dumb git in real life and acts all his parts that way?

[Seil]

As many of you know, I am a huge Silent Hill freak and I continue to take it way too seriously. (http://p.twimg.com/At38og3CQAAkLUW.jpg:large) Now, the Silent Hill movies are video-game adaptations. I can't really ask a lot here, I know; but honestly? The only names on the box that I recognized were Radha Mitchell (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stNgnZoLvZo) and Sean Bean (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9nr1uUrNr0). The only reason I can think of why they're there is because of contracts. But wait! The new film has Carrie Anne Moss (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5BYDGa1fQg) and Malcom McDowell (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnezoQibtHg)! Their talent is used as well as you would expect.

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So, Silent Hill; a game series first and foremost. The first four games marked an original idea in the world of horror - a slower, more oppressive sort of fear, rather than a focus on a primary antagonist like Jason or Freddy, with less jump scares. The first four dealt with a father looking for his lost daughter, a man looking for his wife, a girl haunted by her past and a man who should've kept talking to his realtor. While the first three are considered classics, the fourth is recognized at where the series began to go downhill.

Then, Christophe Gans decided to make a movie based on the video games. It wasn't great. While I dislike the film, I have to say that the special effects were great. The acting was pretty good. The little girl who played Alessa was appropriately adorable. But based on the source material, the movie wasn't great. I respect it, though. I respect it for what it tried to do; it took the singular story lines from each Silent Hill game, and mashed it all together. You've got a blonde, female lead. You've got a parent looking for a daughter. You've got a man looking for his wife. You've got them trapped through macabre means. And the references are subtle. Akira Yamaoka's music pops up here and there.

The movie had a style of it's own, and while it was a movie based on the first four games, the next Silent Hill game based itself on the movie. Silent Hill Homecoming was heavily influenced by the first movie. Then came Origins, Shattered Memories and Downpour. While it is possible to say something good about them, they're still mostly bad games. They completely fail in the fear aspect, they're kind of slow and plodding, and most fans agree that the originals are far superior.

Then there came the movie sequel, Revelation. While the first movie dealt with classic source material, Revelation has to work with the later, inferior games. It very heavily leans on Silent Hill 3, in order to continue the story from the first movie... but there are several changes. Claudia has changed from a creepy, older woman without eyebrows to the shapely Carrie Anne Moss in a wig. Vincent has turned from an older, jaded cultist with his own schemes into a seventeen year old who is Claudia's son. Douglas Cartland is also bastardized to a lesser extent. The Seal of Metatron, which is played up as vital in the game but turns out to be junk is an artifact of immense power in the movie.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u59/Poetisch/215544536_vAMTq-L-2_zps9c0e1f74.jpg

The movie had me interested because of how much it seemed to (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSBdbNOchkY) resemble Silent Hill 3 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMl_A1Bua4c). It begins with a dream sequence in an amusement park, after which Harry (Sean Bean) giving Sharon (Terrible Actress) a white tank top, similar to the one she wears in game. Douglas (Terrible Actor) introduces himself to Sharon, whereupon he immediately tells her he has found her on behalf of the cultists, and is attacked and killed by what appears to be the CD Cenobite from Hellraiser crossed with a ninja. Harry is kidnapped and taken to Silent Hill as bait for Sharon, who is taken to the town by Vincent (Terrible Actor). All the while, Sharon is plagued by a mysterious monster and terrifying visions of the Otherworld.

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There are several references to the latter games of the series - a ride is offered by Travis Grady at the end, and his truck passes by a prison bus and police escort heading into Silent Hill. Brookhaven Asylum. Robbie the Rabbit. But because the games are bad and the actors are worse, you don't really appreciate the references. And while Sharon is plagued with visions of the Otherworld throughout the film, there's less focus on it's video game depiction and more towards cannibalism and torture - and because the entire budget went towards the mannequin monster, the torture is really sub-par. Think Trolls 2. Also, Pyramid Head. Because everyone loves Pyramid Head, and he fits in so well here. Just like the nurses. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdfsHc1w_94) Really, the only good parts of the movie are (1) in the trailer, where Alessa is walking through town revenging on the townsfolk, and (2) the mannequin monster scene, which is a mix of Scarlet and Alex in Homecoming.

I'd say if you're a fan of the series, rent it just to see how bad it is, but the best bits are available on the Youtubes:

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The movie ends with a sequel hook for a bastardization of Silent Hill 2, and the way it's set up, they've got the chance to do it right. But they probably won't.

[Seil]

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[Jagos]

Wow... Why can't any game movies be worth a damn in the new century? It's like all of then try to tell a story that just doesn't fit the franchise at all...

...

Oh yeah... Hollywood makes crappy movies for mass production...

[Magus]

I realized they simply can't make a good video game movie the day I saw Max Payne, an adaptation impossible to mess up, and yet they did. And yet they did...

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Sometimes I swear it's like they're making bad movies on purpose. It doesn't help that they do well in the box office (usually).

[Seil]

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u59/Poetisch/998019235_zpsc66f0ca7.jpg

[Magus]

Don't worry, it will be bad.

It's good to have some constants in this crazy world of ours.