Girlfriend troubles

[swordmaster]

Ok, heres the problem: My girlfriend and I have been going out since before school ended and up until now, things have been great. But I was finding it hard to think up things to talk about on the phone. This led to long silences, you know, the aqward ones. Anywhoo, this has gotten so bad that she is about to dump me, and she would have if she wasnt so shy about it. So my plea is, what should i say to her to get her not to dump me and how do I find things to say to her. Oh, and there is another guy that she sorta likes and after she dumps me, she will go out with him, which is another reason why she wants to dump me (but she probably likes him because he CAN talk on the phone). Please help me, your my only hope.

[Cyclone231]

If she's going to dump you because you have trouble talking on the phone, stop talking on the phone! Talk to her in person. If you're bad at that too... well... take some lessons at night. And pray.

[Aeria]

First of all, if she wants to dump you but is too shy, you don't want to try to make her NOT dump you. It'll just get worse with time, and in that time you'll miss out on many opportunities if you just let the relationship drag on. Oh, and I severely doubt that it is your ability to talk on the phone that would make her interested / disinterested. Secondly, in the rules, isn't it stated that you aren't supposed to gripe about such personal problems? Though I'm not really sure...

[Lycanthrope]

Not to be callous, but if you're running out of things to talk about, you're probably not meant for eachother. I understand that you don't want it to be over, but it may be time to move on. If you keep on looking, you'll eventually find someone you can work with and where when you run out of things to say, you won't need to talk any more.

Think of it this way: you've gotten a girlfriend before, you can do it again. Which is more than I can say. Better to have loved and lost...

I know this isn't the advice you wanted, but its all I have to offer.

[shiney]

On the flip side, Nikki and I have run through low spots before. The thing is to not give up and assume it is the end or it's a horrible sign. Maybe you guys are just running out of things to talk about and need to do more stuff together to respark conversations.

On the other hand if she's got the hots for some other guy and doesn't mind hurting you then she isn't worth the attention.

[Viktor Von Russia]

Well, communicating strictly through phone calls is what destroys long-distance relationships. My advice is to get out there and see her. As Shiney said, if you go out and do something, you'll have more to talk about. If this is the first lapse in your relationship, chances are, it's not unsalvageable however, remember relationship needs work on the part of both people. If she already has her sights set on another guy, it could be that she's not trying as hard as she should. In which case, again, as Shiney said, she's not worth the time.

[Robot Jesus]

Is she interested in the news, politics, or philosophy?

If she is focus on that.

Its vary difficult to run out of things to say on those topics.
But then again maybe there’s a reason I don’t have a girlfriend.

[adamark]

Hahahaha great advice on here...
It's difficult to be a great conversationalist but there are always new topics to talk about. If you are really hard up for ideas steal some of the discussion ideas from this forum..

[Funka Genocide]

I had the same problem... in fifth grade. I'm thinking your not too far removed from that age bracket at the moment, correct me if I'm wrong please.

My problem was simply the newness of the situation, and the fact that "Talking on the phone" was a grandiose ritual. I found myself staring inot the speaker of my phone and shaking nervously between intermittent conversation. The point is, you need to be more comfortable withbeing in a "relationship" which at your age might go as far as, well I don't know about kids these days...

I n any case, it all boils down to practive, and the fact that most people consider romance to be a game with winners and losers, even into adulthood. Its good to learn these things when your young, that way you can be jaded and cynical when you grow up.

I'm sorry, I'm a real jerk sometimes, I didn't mean to be.

Just give her an easy way out and find someone who you can talk to as a friend, not just a "girlfriend" and you'll be well on your way to dating success! :)

[Dark Black]

You don't seem to have any problems talking on message boards. Why don't you communicate through emails!?

*Gets dirty looks from everybody else*

Ok! Fine! But you can't fault it's logic!

[RaiRai]

Here goes.

From a womans perspective, this girl is playing you. If she's got a guy waiting and you're sure she'll leave you for him, she isn't worth holding onto. Because it's like setting yourself up to fail. She can't love you as much as she claims if she's got a back-up boyfriend. But before you put yourself into that mindset, talk to her about it. You may have the wrong end of the stick or are just filling yourself full of worry. Better to be sure about how she's feeling than not knowing and fretting over it.

I'm wondering how long you two have been together, what you usually do together, how often you get to see eachother - there are so many things unanswered that need to be before anyone can give you any really good advice.

[swordmaster]

In response to RaiRai, we have been together since before the summer began, we usually see each other once, mabye twice a week at a youth group, so we usually do whats going on there, like four square, kickball, ect.

But from what I have heard, she has been flirting with this guy for a while now and when I asked her, she wouldnt say what she liked more about him than me, or even if she liked me or him more. Oh, and im in 9th grade, if thats any different from 5th.

[The_Phat_G]

9th grade is different from 5th grade, but close enough to 8th grade to make any relationship to not be very serious. As for asking what she likes about him more than you, that's a real fuck up. Never put your significant other in a position where they have to make a decision like that, especially if they're considering breaking up with you. While being together for 5 months may seem amazing when you're 14, in reality it's not very long at all. 5 months just seems like a long time because the average middle school relationship is lucky to last 2 weeks. Since you're only recently out of middle school, you're still going through the process of figuring out that life doesn't work like a soap opera. There's really not much you can do, except not worry about it and move on when it does happen. High school relationships aren't usually fated to last more than a few months, so consider them learning experiences for future relationships. Besides, you're still young, bachelor it up for a bit, it won't hurt you.

[Viktor Von Russia]

Hm. It doesn't sound like you guys really go on many dates. If you're really that attached, you should make an effort to be alone with her. Spend some quality time. Or failing that, at least a double date. Remind her why she should be with you instead of the other guy (I don't mean sit her down and say "I'm better than he is because..."). I hope it works out for ya buddy, but in case it doesn't, it won't be the last relationship you'll ever be in. Chin up, my friend.

[RaiRai]

Twice a week isn't too bad. I guess you could try to see if you could see eachother more. Surprise her by popping round to her house or organising a 'date' somewhere.

The only problem I see here is that you're not communicating on a level you're both comfortable with. You need to address your worries and sit down and talk to her, explaining that you're upset about rumors in which she likes another guy. If she denies it, at least you're on some kind of track to sorting things out. If she admits it, it's not worth going deeper into. If she completely ignores it, it means something is going on. And it's best to confront her before you get hurt too badly.

At your age, I wasn't even considering relationships. Most of them, as has been said, don't last longer than a few weeks. Minds are so impressionable at that age and you don't really have a firm grip on what you want from life and relationships. Maybe you should sit down and figure out what draws you to this girl and whether, if it fails, it was really that bad. It's a lesson of life, to be sure, but the best thing is to remain positive. You have a girlfriend. You're semi-happy with the relationship. All you need is that touch more of committment, and you may be looking toward something great. But if you're both not looking for the same thing, that's where problems arise.

Best advice - talk to her. And update us on the situation.

[Funka Genocide]

9th grade, thats a little older than I thought at first. I would suggest you just take it easy, don't worry too much about it. In 9th grade I went through a devastating whirlwind relationship, which ended up ending my high school career and foisting me onto the doorstep of cruel reality. (well, it was pretty traumatic...) SO I would suggest that in the worse case scenario, she leaves you for guy number 2, don't get upset about it. Just keep on track and don't let your relationships interfere with whats really important right now, getting laid!

hmm, I don't think that made much sense...

[Xellos]

Heh. Well, my my prospective you should be thankful. Thankful that you can still be friends with this girl or at least able to talk to her. I had a girlfriend afew months ago. Before then I was in love with a girl who was my best friend (Still am and still is). I wanted a small relationship to take my mind of of it so me and my best friend could act more like best friends. Some crazy things happened in those two weeks. I don't fully understand it myself. I hurt her in someway and from then on I was forced out of her life. I've been trying to become friends with her. That was something I should have done before, instead of rushing into a relationship. I never stopped to think. I still don't know how I managed to do something so out of character. At the same time, it feeld like some of the friends who supported me before are starting to drift apart. As if there feelings toward me slowly chaged for the worse.................. But, anyway........... Yeah, be thankfull. I'm sorry about the ramble.

[swordmaster]

Well, it turned out that she didnt like me anymore, and she didnt break up with me at first because she didnt want to break my heart. But I would rather not go out with her than be with her while she liked someone else. Thank you for your help. For my closing statement, read my bottom most quote.

[swordmaster]

Please disregard the above message. As it actually turns out, she DOES still like me, her friends were prodding her into breaking up with me and going out with the other guy, her friend likes me and she was trying to break us up, and now, she is trying to break up with the other guy to be able to go out with me. glee!

[Viktor Von Russia]

Wow. What a friend, eh?