Bad Christmas Gifts for an evil being...

[TheSpiritOfVengance]

Well I am back. And I have a person that deserves a terrible christmas present anyone have any ideas? I really haven't thought of a good one that just really says "I hate you now leave us alone."

[Mr. Viewtiful]

Welcome back, Spirit!

Well, you can do the box within a box within a box trick with a rigged stinkbomb in the very center. Not giving any gift at all is also very insulting...

[Gilgamesh in a Hat]

A subscription to Game Pro, that magazine company is full of vultures.

And best of all this horrible gift lasts for a month.

[TheSpiritOfVengance]

Hey Mr. V! That sounds almost good enough maybe if the stink bomb smells bad enough. Lets just say this person deserves the third degree. Gamepro... Hmmm Maybe...

[BlackMageGirl!]

Check out Dave Barry's Gift Guide to end all Gift guides. You can find something pretty insulting in there I believe. :P

And hello Spirit of Vengence. I'm sort of a newbie, haven't been on the forums for that long. It's nice to meet another forumer. ^_^

[TheSpiritOfVengance]

Dave Barry book gots some stuff in it. I think I may check it out. Its hard to think of something pure evil for a gift for this thing.

[batgirl]

Welcome back Spirit we missed you!!

Bad gifts:

1-mismatched socks
2- rocks
3-dead animal of some kind, preferrably a goat.

[BlackMageGirl!]

Well, here is an idea I remember from his book. How about a full set of cow intestines? They sell those at cow farms if I remember correctly....and if that's not evil enough I don't know what is.

[Cloud Strife]

Actually saw this put in use once, too:

A random pile of dog crap, in a box.

And welcome back, Spirit! I'm also a bit of a newb here, today makes only three months.

[TheSpiritOfVengance]

Wow thanks for the welcome backs. Most of you don't realize how evil this person is. This person is the true incarnation of evil. I'm talking makes Satan look like a sissy evil. These ideas are good but I might have to some of them in tandem.

[BlackMageGirl!]

Oh! Another idea is to make some type of dessert (like brownies or cake) and add bugs as an ingredient! I believe the recipes are not hard to find, it's the bugs that would be the challenge to locate.

If that idea doesn't appeal to you...you can always fall back on giving them a fruitcake. :P

[Elminster_Amaur]

Not giving any gift at all is also very insulting...No, it's not. It merely signifies that the person has slipped your mind. Insulting is wrapping up a quarter as a gift. But for that very evil person that is near to you, I would go with this:
1. Buy an X-box, and Halo 2
2. Take off the case of the X-box, and put a clear case on it(you can keep it caseless, but I think clear case is less wasteful)
3. Get a bunch of rocks, fill the X-box case with them, and repack the X-box, maybe giving them the cords too.
4. Now, take the Halo 2 disk, separate the label, and put the label on the blank disk that they give you with cd-r(w) packs and place that disk into the Halo 2 box.
5. Wrap, and give as presents.

[BlackMageGirl!]

Just where do I get all of these ideas? Anyhoo...

Write a note that says "Just checking to see if the postal service is still working" And put it at the bottom of a large box, fill it up with packing peanuts and wrap it all pretty like. Then give to the evil person and make sure you aren't there when they open it!

[Terex4]

Here's one:

Find out something the person really really wants but well within your price range to buy several of them. Buy the item and a bunch of the same item (for yourself) around the same price. Make sure all of those items have a gift receipt and buy them all from different places. Do not give them the real receipt. Make sure the item is broken beyond repair. Tell the person the last day for returns on that item are the day after christmas due to when you bought the gift and laugh as the person spends all day in the crowds without finding the proper store.

[Elminster_Amaur]

Ooh! Ooh!
That gives me an idea. Find out what lender financed their mortgage, then copy an official letter paper of theirs. Send them a forclosure notice!
Edit: Or, send them a notice saying that they don't owe any more on the mortgage, that way they don't pay, and get evicted.
Edit2: Heh, finally broke 1000 posts!

[TheSpiritOfVengance]

Hmmm I like the X-Box idea... But the mortgage is good also...

[GatoFiero]

http://www.filbertstreet.net/html/argos.co.uk3479652

Trust me when I say this. ^Those things are f**king creepy.

Send one to your target, he'll press the activate button, and then he'll never sleep again for fear of the Boobahs.

[Mike McC]

They have those Boobah things at my store. How can they be considered good for children!? I swear, they are made from the distilled nightmares of every living creature on earth. I'm getting shivers down my spine just thinking of them.

That's a good idea.... but, then again, you could just get them a DVD of Gigli.

[Toastburner B]

Oh, gosh, I hate those things! The first time I saw one I thought it was the creepiest thing I had seen in my entire life! They look like a demon you would fight in Diablo or something.

But, back on topic.

If you want to go for the video game route:

Quest 64
The Adiyn Chronicles
ET for Atari.

Or, if you are looking for a more traditional idea: Fruitcake. No one likes fruitcake. Most people want to throw up at the very sight of fruitcake.

[MNMinion]

If he is worse that Satan why dont you just send him a real bomb?
If he is that evil he probably deserves to die.
OR
How about a large box of candy corn?

[Astral Harmony]

And you can't go wrong with venomous animals. Not the ones that kill with their poisons. More like painful hallicinations. Hang on, I'll Google up some animals. Be back shortly.

Here you are: http://ag.arizona.edu/urbanipm/firstaid/venomous.html

I'll leave it to you to decide how venomous ["painful or deadly"] you want his Christmas gift to be. Oh, and if you don't like looking at pictures of these things, you probably don't wanna visit the site. (full body shiver)

EDIT: After doing some more research, it looks like you can find greater numbers of more threatening venomous creatures in Australia. This site seems to have a lot of links about innumerable venomous and poisonous creatures: http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/victims/resc.html

If this guy is absolutely the prick from Hell that you say he is, then you might find going the distance to get an especially venomous critter a desireable venture.

[Roland]

If it's supposed to kill them, any poisonous material that looks like sugar will do. Make sure to give them enough of it, though.

If not, get some cockroaches, and put them in a box. Use expensive (looking) wrapping paper. Make the box look as appealing as possible. then, give it to them.

[slightly aboveaverage man]

I know the perfect gift... But I have no Idea how to wrap a wedgie.

[Astral Harmony]

Well, I suppose you're right, but I think poisons and venoms should look properly threatening, like coming from the fangs of a taratula the size of a clenched fist. Sugary substances don't look very appealing.

Then again, you can also do that Family Guy prank and give him a piece of gum that somehow addicts him to heroine.

[TheSpiritOfVengance]

Well you see the thing is its a girl so most the guy stuff doesn't work. Hmm Gigli, worse than any poison...

[Myst]

Well, you can always get her one of those calenders with the naked fat guys on them. That'd be evil. Also, if you don't mind me asking, this is an ex, isn't it?

[Roland]

I stand by the box o' cockroaches. If you're lucky, they'll have gone through quite a few psticides, too. Then they're immune to almost anything.


... unless, of course, you don't want to leave said girl in tears (unkillable roaches suck). Then just send them a bio-degradable box. Possibly with one of the other items mentioned in this topic.

[gizmodude4]

get her credit card information and buy stuff from eBay on a public library computer. a very merry christmas indeed.

put 4 broken bottles behind her 4 tires. give her hotwheels tires for christmas afterward.

change the locks to his or her house and give her a key to it the day after christmas.

[LeefRyder]

I used to work in a hospital, once crazy glued the cap onto a syringe after staining it with red ink and wrapped it up in a pen sized box with newspaper, and as they unwrapped it I told her, "It's just like new, I only used it once!"

[TheSpiritOfVengance]

No and thank God it was not an Ex Myst. IF it was I would have taken my life for such a mistake.

[Technocrack]

Get her a severed head. Nothing says "I hate you" better than a severed head! ^^

[Gorefiend]

How about, Survivor: The Interactive Game (http://game-revolution.com/games/pc/sim/survivor.htm)? If she's into video games, that is.

Or, send any of the things above.

[Mike McC]

Most of you are being too blatent. Too up front, too in your face, too 'I hate your guts so here are some new ones!' It needs to be something subtle, someting subliminal. Something that tells you how you really feel about them, but isn't very obvious up front, but over time, it sinks in. You know, like saying, "Merry Christmas! Here's your gift. It's the first season of The Golden Girls on DVD! Enjoy..."

There is a fine art to mental torture....