Best insults that make no sense.

[Psrdirector]

Now if this turns into a flame (a joke flameing session) that is fine (not a real one)

Ever had a friend or something that for fun you insault each other witht he most utterly pathetic insaults ever.

Me and one of my friends have this interesting thing we do. We call each other Republicans, yeah it is strange but we do it. We are both demecrats or more libral but we live in indiana whitch is a very republican state so we had fun with that. It goes in this strange presesion of one upping the other. It is very fun.

Well am i the only one who does this

[My Lead Airbag]

This girl at my school always responds to insults by saying "Eat it." (i.e. "[Girl Name] you're band slut." "[shocked noise] Oh yeah, well Eat It!").

We've tried to get her to say "See this big weiner, Eat It!" but shes proven unrepsonsive.

[Loneyes]

Me and my friends call each other tangerines. When anyone asks us what it means we say “it means whatever you want it to mean.”

Yeah, we’re crazy.

[Silly Kitty]

Me and my best friend call each other whores. Thats a little weird...
Ok im a little weird.. But thats what we do.

[Stover]

One of the best I've ever heard was on the penny-arcade forums, in the political debate section.

The first post of this thread was a extra-long (two posts worth) allegory about something. I have no idea what it was. However, the important part was that the story started with the phrase "Once upon a time, in a distant kingdom far from here..."

The next post was: "Once upon a time, your mom."

[Toastburner B]

An 'insult' I often heave it "You son of a cartoonist!"

Because, well...one of my friend's dad is the polical cartoonist for the local paper. But saying it, it almost sounds like an insult.

We also make fun of another friend by saying his dad is a secret agent. It's true. We don't know much about his dad, but he lives in D.C., works for the government, in the Pentegon, even. He's also a "computer guy" who collects guns.

If that doesn't point to secret agent, I don't know what does.

[Cloud Strife]

The big insult around here? This:

"Ha! Take that, punk!"
"Shut up, ya fish!"
"Gasp!"

Yeah, I know, I don't know either.

[Deathosaurus Wrecks]

We used to call each other Fascists back in the dorms. Nowadays whenever something negative is said towrds someone, we play a game of reversal. for example: "I don't know, that doesn't sound like a good idea." "You're not a good idea." "I'll good idea you." "You're mom's a good idea." "I'll good idea all over your mom's face." and so on and so on. As i've recently started GMing in our shadowrun group, whenever my authority is threatened ill announce that a dragon has eaten that player.

[Bob The Mercenary]

Haha, that's exactly what we do here.

In a Wal-Mart parking lot:
"Look, there's a space!"
"Eh, we'll find one closer."
"Aw, come on."
"Meh, I can't fit in there."
"What?! My house could fit in there!"
"Your mom could fit in there!"
"It's a great parking space."
"Your mom's a great parking space."

Yeah, and me and all of my friends used to do the fascists thing too.

[Squishy Cheeks]

Ah yes fascists. As my frined Vince says when I piss him off.

"I hate you in your face."

[MP37a]

My g/f says some weird things like when she's mad at someone "I'm going to kill you with my finger!" or simply "your mom" which she uses for anything and everything. The word "beast" is used to describe big girls by her which is really funny the way she says it.

[Massacre]

Anything that Space Ghost ever said to put someone down on Space Ghost: Coast to Coast. Since SG is suppose to be a total idiot on the show, he naturally fails to serve up an insult or nasty comeback like Red Mage losing on an Intelligence Test, even with his combat pool engaged!

Aside from that, I personally cannot view being called an asshole or bastard as much of an insult. Because, as Denis Leary said, "I'm an asshole...and proud of it."

[h4x.m4g3]

Me and a group of my friends have a lot of weird ones.

"Shut up or I'll eat your pants."
"Shut up or I'll eat your wife and kids."
"I'm not married."
"I know I ate your wife already."

"Shut up you pinko-commy bastard."
"Shut up you neo-nazi storm trooper."
"Shut up you facistbaby eater."
Shut up you hitlerite."

[LordTobias]

Pah, none of ye have anything on me and the group of people I hang out with. (Not all be friends, yarg)

We'll sit around and wail on each other verbially for hours on end (quite literally) with nothing but insults.

Popular subjects include oral sex ("Stop sucking me off!" "Your mom sucked me off!" "Dude, that's disgusting. You don't wanna touch her...::shudder:: "), lack of skill ("Holy lack of skill, man. You use enough explosives to eat off my dick?!" "Nope." "Asshole!" "You know it." "Fuck you!" "Oh baby, oh baby." ), gay jokes (Not a chance in hell those are getting on here), fat jokes (most of us have a healthy girth), metal bone jokes (I get those since I'm much heavier than I look), and a variety of other things that would take tons more space to mention.

Yeah, we have a lot of free time. And we know it.

[slightly aboveaverage man]

"How do you know when you have a high sperm count? THE FLY THAT JUST BIT YOU FLEW INTO A WALL!"

I know it probably doesn't seem funny to you, it's an inside joke between a friend of mine. I screwed up a joke and ended up merging two similar jokes together. It was a "had to be there" kind of moment.

[Bailey]

my friends and i just call each other smacktards

it literally means: someone so retarded you have an overwhelming urge to smack them

[LordTobias]

Just smacktard?! What ever happened to fucktards, asswads, jerkwads, commiesticks, neonazifascistfuckerfucktards, etc?!

You guys need more free time. Just grab a group of friends and start insulting them. Even the most shy person will come back at ya after a few hours worth! (Not that I would know from personal experience O_o )

[Psrdirector]

SNOORGAZAM!
that is an interesting insault. It means Monkey Pickle Fuck.
The story behind this is simple, my friend from canada who is very odd (we meet by him playing the 9/11 game, whitch is he runs around in a circle making plane noises and then runs into my stomack) thought there needed to be a word that meant Monkey Pickle Fuck and so it came to be. It eventually became an insault cause well what else are you going to use this for

[ghen]

I prefer to use insults to balance out the good and evil in the world, by insulting the good people alot you can make them more evil, and by locking up the bad ones in a dark corner of an abandoned warehouse you make the evil ones less productive, so everything balances out.

[adamark]

always funny to use the insults "slob" or "slut" on a male.

[Dante]

"Son of a submariner!"

God, I love FF6.

[Psrdirector]

insaulting people for being smarter or better then you. that is always good. me and some of my friends would walk up to some person and yell stuff like "damn hot person" or something and start laughing and pointing, they usually just sorta look at you confused. it is fun

[icythaco]

Dude, you are such a neo-flatuating poser-communist!

[CatManDo]

SHUT YOUR OILY TRAP YOU BUTTER-FUCKING DEPPFRIED NEO-NATZI REPUBLICAN! that one slipped out during a game of risk. and later in the same game when i was betrayed i replyed by saying
I DARE NOT EXPECT SUCH DIABOLICAL INCOMPADENTS FROM SOMEONE WITH THE MENTAL CAPACITY OF AN ANT, AND FURTHER MORE YOUR MOM!

[SuzuranLily]

The one I hear from my brother most often is the word "Girlpants". I have no idea why but he seems to think it's funny...

[Thanatos]

Me and my friend, Matt, often start throwing insults back and forth at each other during games of Trivial Pursuit. We are highly competetive at the game, simply because we are the only ones who have ever beaten each other (for the record I beat him two out of every three games). Anyway during one game we were going back and forth for like 5 minutes, when finally I looked him straight in the eye, and in the most insulting fashion I could simply said, "Matt!" He looked up at me an replied, "Oh, now them's fightin' words!"

[Melfice]

When you get insulted by somebody you don't really know, try admitting the things he/she says. That's bound to give you some laughs.

Examples:
You're a motherfucker. (or variations)
True, but don't tell the rest, okay?

You're so stupid!
Did I leave my IQ-test lying around again?

You should see the looks on their faces.

[Psrdirector]

YOU DAMN NUETRAL PISS ARMY BASTERDS FROM HELL!
I yell that often in risk. We play the one set in the futer, but we have nuetral on it. I can beat every one, but then my massive armys fail to defet the yellow neutrols. if anyone has played that version you will notice the yellow luck like piss. i dont like them at all

[dementedmongoose]

This isn't as much an insult as a good response to an insult.
Now, if you're eating breakfast, and your food is exceptionally crappy, let someone insult you. When they turn their back, thinking they have won, get a mouthful of crappy food, throw what's left at the back of their head, wait for them to approach you, and spray your breakfast all over their face. This will result in:
A) any foods hot enough to burn your mouth making the other person yell in owiness
B) causing the person so much humiliation that they walk away
C) causing the person to laugh and bury the hatchet
D) causing the person to laugh and bury the hatchet...in your head.
E) an immediate and swift butt-kicking
Or D) in some NC schools, a knife in the gut.

[LeefRyder]

my friend calls people "stupid bird" I still don't get it...

[Mr. Viewtiful]

I like to use responses that don't make any real sense at all, as it usually gets my adversary to leave me alone lest he insult my intelligence. That's when things get messy...anyways, here's an example:

I can't believe you're such an idiot!
Well MAKE ME!!!
0.o

[Rhana]

When I joined Galadrim, the local geek 'n gamer club, I was instructed by the club president on the correct formula for insulting a fellow member. The succeeding lines are as follows, to be used in a complete sequence:
-You're a ____
-Your mom's a _____
-Your mom's butt's a _____
-Your mom's dog's butt's a _____
-Your mom's dog's duck's butt's a ______

And then you start hitting people, apparently.

[Aeria]

-You're a ____
-Your mom's a _____
-Your mom's butt's a _____
-Your mom's dog's butt's a _____
-Your mom's dog's duck's butt's a ______
And they let people like you out into the street? Let alone allow you to make clubs...

Me an' my friends play the insults by ear, but usually involve things like "Spifftacularly Inappropriate" or the like... Hard to come up with them when there is noone around to insult though.

[Thanatos]

Hard to come up with them when there is noone around to insult though.

I'm here. You can insult me. I'm used to it. *hangs his head and cries*

[Melfice]

Aww, look what you did Aeria! You made the little wimp cry...

I feel a little bad for the poor sucker. *pats him on the back*
Here have a handkerchief(sp?) and dry your tears, crybaby.

(Ofcourse, y'all know I don't mean this... right?)

[Pixie]

Your mom, hands down. Me and my friend have your mom wars with usually consist of this.. "Your mom!" "No, your mom!" "Fine! Your moms mom!" Then, somehow end up into "your feet!" or some variation of that. Don't ask how.

[Thanatos]

Aww, look what you did Aeria! You made the little wimp cry...

I feel a little bad for the poor sucker. *pats him on the back*
Here have a handkerchief(sp?) and dry your tears, crybaby.

(Ofcourse, y'all know I don't mean this... right?)

Oh yeah I failed to warn you, I keep all my anger over the insults bottled up, but from time to time, the bottle gets full and I just lash out. I once actually almost killed a guy for saying what's up big guy, cause I couldn't take anymore.

But as long as I know it's completely in Jest, it's fine, ya grandpa fuckin' son of a biscuit eater.

[swordmaster]

If you put something about their face into it, its pretty funny "YOUR FACE IS A MONSTROSITY!" or "YOUR FACE much like your broom IS A PANZY"

These (http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/) dont always makes scence, but they sure are funny. "Thy sin's not accidental, but a trade"

[Psrdirector]

Taking anything some one said and saying your mom.

such as
"will you pass me the salt"
"Your mom passed me the salt"

then repeat till someone hits you for being an idiot.
That can take a long time at a quaker bording school i learned when my friend did this for the entire meal till i beaned him

[vemonic]

Some guys I know use "your mom" to respond to everything which leads to some pretty odd things. I just go with "I hate you as a person". Tales of Symphonia started me saying Rheiard instead of retard. There's alot more but they're mostly inside jokes and/or offensive(although they aren't meant to be).

[ShaggySnacks]

Heres a joke that doesnt make any sense at all....
Theres two apples in an oven, the apple on the left turns to the apple on the right and says "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" and the other apple screams; "Oh my god!! Its a talking apple!!"

[Foamy]

That's quite funny though.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Knock Knock
Knock who?
OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!

[Bailey]

my favorite insult is one which takes a while to say.

it boils down to:

"I utterly despise you, everything affiliated with you, and your mother, who by the way denies any affiliation with you"

it can become very long, and if you do it right, with the flashing eyes and the flying spittle, they usually let you finish the full version.

and then they go use it on someone else, and get beaten up because they didn't do it right

[Foamy]

Or just add "And now you have Colon Cancer" to the end of each sentence.

[My Lead Airbag]

A new development among our friends is to continue the daily lampooning, then when the victim gets defensive we just go "Hey, shut up and put it in your LJ."

[tazz31406]

This one guy in my ROTC class calls me random food items. Apparently he thinks that it's really quite insulting but it just gets on my nerves. One time he called me an apple and he always calls my friend "Teh Cheeseburger."

[Psrdirector]

Telling a family member that they and all there kin are (insert some insault here, i like hell spawn). then when they say that you are there kin, say im not denying anything.


Also if someone you insaulted (jokingly) tries to stab back at you save "hey im not the one on trial here". it usually just gets a wierd looks or something. or a "actually you are and we didnt tell you". i was very surprised when someone said that back

[Vile Black Mage]

i happened to accidently make this one up wile trying to post on a forum awhile back
"You repetitious dog waffle"
apparently instead of showing your cuss word on the forum, the admin had a word to substitute for each cuss for. Can you guess what repetitious is subing for?

[Psrdirector]

To get around some cursing blockes i would add letters into it, or combine it.
Biatish, is one i like using in runescape, but really if you think about it... it more insaults the person saying it (me) for using something so stupid and pathetic. but that is the fun

[Mad Jack the Pirate]

in response to any insult:

oh yeah? MO' LIKE 'YO MOMMA'!"

[chryos_the_forsaken]

"Shaddap I'm better than you, youre a dirty communist!" or always "I kill you fool!" or even "You go ta hell an you DIE!"

[Gorefiend]

Here in Ecuador, sopa (literally "soup" in spanish) has become an insult. It's supposed to mean "gay" (as in, homosexual, not in the "that is so gay" sense) but I have no idea why. Like, people will say "You're a sopa."

And, Newb, give me the long version. I must learn this secret.

[Gilgamesh in a Hat]

*uhhhh (inhales deeply)

" Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of eldaberres! You sons of a window dresser. i wave my privates at your aunties, you brightly colored mealy tepled cranberry smelling electric donkey bottom biters. You tiny brained wipers of other peoples bottoms"

i nailed one of my friends with about half of this during an argument. If i were him i would have cried.

[Jadarendir]

I personally prefer things such as "Shut up ugly", "Your face is stupid", and "Because you touch yourself at night." If I'm in a particularly "retro" mood, then I'll go with the classic "Your mom."

"Who the hell left my binder out where ANYONE could get it?!"

"Your mom."

"...That doesn't even make sense."

"Your MOM doesn't even make sense!"

"What the FUG are you talking about?!"

"Your mom, bitch!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Your face is stupid, so YOU shut up! Ugly!"

[VA_Ninja]

I don't insult people much (it's not "me" and I always screw it up.), though on occasion I'll refer to any of my friends as eel-humans. Instead of insults I usually prefer to give unique, evil villian-styled threats:
"If you don't shut your blubbery, jolly fat face I'll sink my teeth into your jugular and bath in a fountain of your blood!"

[Dj_StarChild]

I've got a few that I made up on the spot...

fruitbasket
used dick-hat
useless boob (as in a girl who has boobs, but will not allow me to 'use them')
oily men!
my butt!
Go lick a lampost when it's cold, so I can kick you while you're stuck to it,ass.
ass-jackhammer
ass-shoveler
your face is made of ugly
I hate you and your pants.
you're ugly.
I want to have sex with your 8 year old sister.
My hands will make hurting on your skin.
If that's a face, this is a fist to throw it at.
You can't come to my birthday part.
You suck like a shemale prostitute with no lady parts.

the list goes on, and i'm so wrooooong

I can get pretty sharp tongued when I'm playing off of other people, but those are REAL insults, not silly ones like the above.

[Edwardo Magnifico]

I made up a word which I use to insult people.
Nigit.
I don't even know what it means. I use it all the time, like:
"Ah nigit, I was gonna eat that!"
Or,
"Man, that was nigit!"
As far as I can tell though, it just comes up when I want it too.

[Moose]

Ah yes. I have an insult that my brother, whom is older than me, uses.
Our argument goes like this:
Me-"Your mom!"
Brother-"No, my mom."