Calvinball XXVI: OMG!WTF?CHAT!

[Bailey]

Server: Newb has just entered the chatroom

Newb: It should be around here somewhere.

Newb: Oh, hi Jada, DB. Do you guys know where Spok is? this is the first time I've gotten here to find him absent.

Newb: *dives down waterslide to search at cliff base*

[Dragonsbane]

Dragonsbane: He's usually here, but for once he's absent...it had to happen sometime.

Dragonsbane: *he notices a slight indentation in his robes, digs out the bullet Dynamite shot at him earlier, and flicks it aside* I love Damage Reduction...it makes life easier.

[Jadarendir]

Jadarendir: Amen, brother.

Jadarendir: My healing factor does just fine for me, though.

Jadarendir: In the meantime, where shall I look for the Calvinball first?

[Bailey]

Newb: *boards elevator*

Newb: *destroys stereo in elevator*

Newb: I really hate those things

Newb: let's just check everywhere

[Toastburner B]

Toastburner: Hmmm...I need to think of a way to break up the alliance. The games haven't been very competive ever since those three joined up.

Toastburner: ...

Toastburner: Shoot...was that out loud?

[Dragonsbane]

Dragonsbane: *begins using his normal chat text color*
Dragonsbane: Yes, it was! *looks under couch, then ponders*

[Toastburner B]

Toastburner B: Well...blast it, how am I suppose to plot secretly when I have to post everything in a chat-room format?

Toastburner B: ...

Toastburner B: Well?!

[Jadarendir]

Jadarendir: I dunno... PM yourself or something.

Jadarendir: *Looks in the garage, then in the sock drawer upstairs, then in the garage again*

Jadarendir: Nope, not there yet.

[Dragonsbane]

Dragonsbane: I guess Arhra and Dynamite haven't found their way here yet...*looks around*

[Dynamite220]

"Are those people still in the bloody chat room? God, they're slow!" Dynamite said as he shoveled Neo-facist Bagel guts off his lawn. "They must not have read my post at the end of the last thread."

[Dragonsbane]

OOC: Newb posted first, therefore the mailbox led to the chat and was not your mailbox. The only remaining solution involves you being mistaken.

IC: Dragonsbane: Heh, Dynamite seems not to have grasped the fact that he has a decoy Calvinball...and it's going to go off in 3...2...1...NOW!

*something exploded inside Dynamite's pack, spraying viscuous pink goo all over everything inside.*

[Toastburner B]

Toastburner: Didn't we decide to stop with the entire calvinball decoy thing? That just lead to pain last time we played that game, don't you agree?

[Dragonsbane]

Dragonsbane: Yes, but otherwise he would keep insisting that was the true Calvinball, when it's really in the Chatroom.

[Dynamite220]

OOC- Newb never specified which mailbox he used. He just said that he used a mailbox. There is no reason that I can't claim that it happened to be MY mailbox, this being a calvinball game after all. Furthermore, if you'd look at the end of the last thread, I have the bloody thing in my backpack, actualy held it in my hand to make sure it was real, and explained why it was there. Pay attention people.

[Bailey]

OOC: I did however, say exactly where i sent it to, and just claiming that you own that particular piece of FEDERAL PROPERTY doesn't change the destination tag

Server: Newb has changed to normal chat colors

Newb: maybe it's in the fridge?

Newb: *opens fridge, removes calvinball, closes fridge* wait, if it's an everful, *opens fridge* yep, it's a decoy *throws decoy off cliff before it explodes, hears explosion in distance*

Newb: grrr... *closes fridge*

Newb: *punches wall*

Newb: *wall breaks*

Newb: wait, I'm not that strong...

Newb: *punches wall more, completely knocking a large segment away*

Newb: there it is!

Newb: *retrieves calvinball*

[Jadarendir]

OOC: Actually, there is plenty of reason why you can't claim such a thing. See, Newb PUT the CB in the mailbox, saying he (and he alone) knew where it would end up. This means it's HIS choice where it WILL end up. He chose the chatroom, not your lawn. Therefore, since you are so very persistent that you have A Calvinball, the only logical solution is that you have a fake, which just exploded.

If it would please the court, I would like to end this stupid discussion HERE, because it's only wasting our game time.

IC:

Jadarendir: Excellent Newb!

Jadarendir: By the way, remember that we're still a team no matter what according to the contract. :D

[Bailey]

Newb: of course, do you think i want to blow up and die a horrible, horrible death?

Server: Newb has rolled 1 4 sided die 3

Newb: *glomps DB*

[Dynamite220]

OOC- Ok, I stand corrected. Sorry.

[Jadarendir]

OOC: No problem. I'm impressed by your ability to admit defeat, I've seen a lot of cases where the discussion just would not die. *bows* Thank you.

IC:

Jadarendir: Okay, we have the ball. I suggest we hide it.

PM to Newb from Jadarendir: Where shall we hide the thingie?

[Terex4]

DruidoftheDead has entered the room

DruidoftheDead: Wait a sec, I was trying to punch in a URL and a chat invite popped up!

DruidoftheDead: This isn't normal chat.....Spok didn't invite me.....

DruidoftheDead: *sees the destruction in the room* Must be calvinball.

DruidoftheDead: I have returned!

[Arhra]

Though no-one within the chatroom yet realised it, a dark and terrible force was massing. Sanity was about to be besieged by an unrelenting bombardment of madness, bad spelling and 'leet' speak. For the n00bs have come.

31337 n00b: OMG!!!!111 Teh Calvinball is here. We is pwn j00!!!!111

somen00b: rolfmao itz teh bomb

^_^n00b: kekekeke Youz teh lamzors!!!!111

There are hundreds, thousands, millions of them, each more n00b than the last. What terrible event could have brought them here?

[Bob The Mercenary]

It was I!

*Bob the Mercenary has entered the chat*

Bob the Mercenary: j00 r t3h suck!!!!1!11!!!

Bob the Mercenary: Seize the calvinball!

[Terex4]

DruidoftheDead: I will take teh calvinball
DruidoftheDead: *the
DruidoftheDead: *runs around frantically trying to find the calvinball*

[Bailey]

OOC: i have a 1337 conversion table on my laptop, which i should be getting back from repairs on thursday

Newb: *looks*

PM to Jadarendir: uh oh, the one thousand three hundred thirty seven warriors are converging. while no one else can see me doing it, i am now passing it to you. please deposit it somewhere safe

Newb: 0 /\/\ 6 |_| |2 7 3 )-( 5 |_| >< >< 0 |2 2!!!!11!!!11111!!!1

PM to Jadarendir: that should keep them distracted for a while, i just said that they suck. go! while they are distracted!

Newb: /-\ /\/ |) \i/ 0 /\/\ 0 /\/\ /\/\ /-\ 5|_| >< 2!

[Dragonsbane]

Though no-one within the chatroom yet realised it, a dark and terrible force was massing. Sanity was about to be besieged by an unrelenting bombardment of madness, bad spelling and 'leet' speak. For the n00bs have come.

31337 n00b: OMG!!!!111 Teh Calvinball is here. We is pwn j00!!!!111

somen00b: rolfmao itz teh bomb

^_^n00b: kekekeke Youz teh lamzors!!!!111

There are hundreds, thousands, millions of them, each more n00b than the last. What terrible event could have brought them here?

Dragonsbane: *casts Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion, targeting all of the n00bs, then sits back and watches them writhe*

[Thaumaturge]

OOC: It looks like DB's been possessed by the spirit of Dante! :D

IC:

**Thaumaturge has entered the room**

Thaumaturge: *looks around*

Thaumaturge: What in all existence?!

Thaumaturge: Now this is really weird...

Thaumaturge: *casts shielding and invisibility spells for protection*

Thaumaturge: Now, how to find the Calvinball... *pulls out a scrying crystal, and starts scrying on each of the other Calvinballers in turn.* Hmm... Jada's looking a little suspicious, but on the other hand it seems that either Arhra or Bob were responsible for the 1337 army... *sets up a scry on each of them, and settles down to watch until one of them does something with the Calvinball.*

[Jadarendir]

PM to Newb from Jadarendir: I just put it in my pants. No one will dare look for it there.

Jadarendir: Well, there's only one way to take care of n00bs.... HALO!!

LOADING SERVER

LOADING MAP BLOOD GULCH

Welcome [SOR]Jada.
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001

SLAYER!

[SOR]Jada: Your ass is pwned.

New001 was killed by [SOR]Jada.
New001 was killed by [SOR]Jada.
New001 was killed by [SOR]Jada.

New001: omgwtf?!?!?!!??!?!!??!?!?!loooooooool
New001: lol shutup i am teh r0x00rz
[SOR]Jada: Your intellect is lacking and your personal hygeine
[SOR]Jada: is poor.

New001 was killed by [SOR]Jada.
New001: lolshutup
New001: HEY NO SH00TIN WHILE I TYPE LOOOOL!!!!!!111!!
[SOR]Jada: Get on IRC if you wanna talk.
[SOR]Jada: Chatty bitch.

[Bob The Mercenary]

Bob the Mercenary: No! My n00blings!

Bob the Mercenary: I didn't think I'd ever have to resort to this...

*Bob the Mercenary rolls a 6-sided die and gets a 4*

Bob the Mercenary: Roll, if you dare.

[Thaumaturge]

Thaumaturge: *to Jada* You keep taking out the n00bs, I'll hold Bob back for as long as I can...

Thaumaturge: *to Bob* Very well. Dice it is.

**Thaumaturge rolls a 6-sided die...

Thaumaturge: *moves his hand slightly, watching the virtual die*

...and gets a 5**

Thaumaturge: Your turn.

[Toastburner B]

Toastburner: Peachy...Thaum is appearently siding with DB, Newb, and Jada.

Toastburner: What? It's fairly obvious. When you guys "PM" you go over into the corner and whisper. It's kind of hard not to notice that.

Toastburner B: ::turns to Bob and Druid of the Dead:: The three of us will need to team up if we want to win this one. The first move I would suggest is to get us out of this chat-room thing...because it's kind of starting to bug me.

[Dragonsbane]

OOC: I learned that spell from Order of the Stick, Dante just happens to use it in chat a lot. Do I need to break out the Klingon pornography to induce madness on our foes, Thaum? :D

TB, a PM is essentially telepathy.

IC:

Dragonsbane: There is another way to deal with n00bs...use n00bs who have played the game longer. Runescape!

Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001
Welcome New001

New001: OMFG! A bronze dagger!
New001: ZOMG!!! *pwnz0rz* lolololol1111!!!11
L33tpker: LOL! N00bz in Wildy!1!
HaXxmastre: Theyre dead, fuxx0rz!
Gawdess: OMG! Full rune wit addy greataxe!
Pk5l4y4R: Kill de no0bz!111111@@@@##32121!!11!!! *pulls out R2H and smites New001*
New001: OMG! I KILL j00!!! *stabs with dagger, skull appears over head*
Archmagus_DB:...
Pk5l4y4R: *deals 104 damage to New001, New001 dies*
New001: mah dagg3r!!11 n000000
Archmagus_DB: *Fire Wave, 275 damage*
Gawdess: My rmor1 u bstrd111!1 *dies*
HaXxmastre: OMG! v3tr4n!!1 *dies*
Archmagus_DB: pwn3d, b4k4
New001: *dies*
New001: *dies*
New001: *dies*
New001: *dies*
New001: *dies*
New001: *dies*
New001: *dies*
New001: *dies*
New001: *dies*
New001: *dies*
HaXxmastre: *dies and respawns* TYPE KILLER! U ****ing ded!11!1!

*Archmagus_DB has logged out...after looting your corpses*

Dragonsbane: That was fun...

[Bob The Mercenary]

Bob the Mercenary: You are good, Thaumz0rz, but not good enough.

*Bob the Mercenary switches the chat to an AOL Instant Messenger chat room...which promptly crashes*

OOC: How's that, Toastburner? :D

[Dragonsbane]

*by not joining the new chatroom, and since Bob isn't the Host of the original one, Dragonsbane remains in the non-AOL chat*

[Bob The Mercenary]

*Bob the Mercenary points out that Dragonsbane is ugly*

[Toastburner B]

((OOC: Oh, come on, DB...the entire PM is going over into the corner and whispering is much more amusing than telepathy.))

Toastburner smiled as the chat room crashed. Then he looked up. He realized that he was in the same room as everyone else, on computers.

On the downside, he realized that he didn't respawn in his power armor.

"Well...time to change that. Even though this is going to hurt."

Toastburner sneaks over to where Dragonbane is sitting, who is laughing manically at avoiding Bob's AOL tactic, and unplugs his computer. He then stands, and laughs at Dragonsbane, how has stopped mid-laugh to look surprised.

"There. Now we finally do stuff without have to write our name fi-"

Toastburner's comment was cut off midway through as Dragonsbane blasted him for unplugging his computer.

Toastburner coughed, feeling this life slip away. "Fool!" He rasped. "I have alreay won! By unplugging your computer, I have thus doomed you to live through a disk scan! And, by striking me down, you have made me more powerful. And yes...Bob is right...*gasp*...you are ugly...in a girly elf kind of way! Bwhahahahaha *hack* *cough* hahahaha *croak*"

With that, Toastburner dies. His body fades.

[Thaumaturge]

*Thaumaturge wonders what happened to Bob, since he was in a chatroom that crashed - has he re-opened it, or is he floating in virtual nullity, waiting for a chat invite.*

*sends chat invite to Bob for the original room. It reads: "You're surely not going to leave all of your n00bs defenseless, are you?"*

*meteors a n00b to death for the fun of it.*

Thaumaturge looks up from his computer in time to see TB being blasted.

"So, we're playing out here, are we?"

[Bob The Mercenary]

*Bob the Mercenary has entered the chat*

Bob the Mercenary: You...monster. But thanks for the invite! :D

*Bob sees that he is fighting a losing battle and, with three on four odds, he resorts to his secret weapon*

Bob the Mercenary: Let's see how you fare against this!

*The One Stratocaster spawns in Bob's hands and he lets out a massive wail over the n00b army. The n00bs then began to fuse together to become one being. It was the most horrifying thing anyone's ever seen.*

Bob the Mercenary: Behold! The l33t n00bz0r!

[Thaumaturge]

Looking back at his computer, Thaumaturge is horrified to see what Bob has done.

Thaumaturge: And they call me a monster...

Thaumaturge: The power of the One Strat is too great, I must find a way to separate him from it...

Thaumaturge: *summons a small, gangly groupie who slinks around, muttering about his "preciousss sssstrat", and who starts sneaking up on Bob to try to relieve him of the One Strat...*

Thaumaturge: And now, to keep the l33t n00bz0r occupied for a bit...

Thaumaturge: *starts raining meteors on the n00bz0r, trying to get its attention*

[Terex4]

DruidoftheDead: *pulls left arm out of socket and starts beating n00bs with it*
DruidoftheDead: *Sees the n00bs fuse into one giant n00b*
DruidoftheDead: *Puts arm back* This is going to require better firepower.....

[Bailey]

Newb: oh please, are you serious?

Newb: *types a couple of lines*

/\/0013: \i/ 0 |_| )-( /-\ \/ 3 |_| /\/ |) 3 |2 3 5 7 | /\/\ /-\ 7 3 |) /\/\ \i/ ? 0 \/\/ 3 |2. 4 7 )-( /-\ 7 \i/ 0 |_| \/\/ | |_ |_ |) | 3 !!!!11!!!!

Server: /\/0013 has booted Arhra

Server: /\/0013 has booted Bob the Mercenary

Server: /\/0013 has booted Dynamite

Server: /\/0013 has booted 1337 n00bz0r

/\/0013: * 7 \i/ ? 3 5 5 0 /\/\ 3 |_ | /\/ 3 5 *

Newb: there, problem solved

OOC: feel free to find some way around this

EDIT: because not everyone can read 1337 easily, the first line says "you have underestimated me. for that you will die" the second one is just me typing some lines

[Dragonsbane]

*Dragonsbane points out that Bob is uglier, and TB is stupid for trying to unplug a laptop with a wireless internet connection*

Dragonsbane: *high 5's Newb*

Dragonsbane: *casts Tolodine's Killing Wind on the n00b army, slaying all that remain in a horrible mist of acidic death*

[Bob The Mercenary]

*Bob makes Dragonsbane aware that his mom is ugly*

The l33t n00bz0r lies on the ground, gasping for air, but then it morphs into its final form...
The /\/00131/\/470r

[Dragonsbane]

*Dragonsbane replies that his mother is DEAD, you bastard*

Dragonsbane: *watches the /\/00131/\/470r, to guage its abilities*

[Toastburner B]

*Toastburner B has signed on*

Toastburner B: Okay...my attempt at getting out of the chat room failed miserably...I can accept that.

Toastburner B: *Looks at the /\/00131/\/470r*

Toastburner B: Should I be concerned that I have no idea what a /\/470r is?

[Bob The Mercenary]

Bob whispers to Toastburner. "It's called the noobinator, you non-l33t phr34k."

*The /\/00131/\/470r steps on Dragonsbane's mom*

[Toastburner B]

Toastburner B: You seem awfully fixated on DB's mom...

Toastburner B: 0_0 !!!

Toastburner B: You're Dragonsbane father, aren't you?! Except obviously you two seperated when DB was but a young elf of 35 or whatever is considered young for elves, so he doesn't remember you. That would also explain why you insisit on calling DB's mom ugly and why you also insist on stepping on her corpse.

Toastburner B:...

Toastburner B: The only flaw in my theory is that DB is an elf, and not a half elf. Now, while any rational person would see this as a fatal flaw, I see it as a minor set back...unless....BOB IS REALLY AN ELF IN disguse(sp)! You where kicked out of proper elven society, and had to live among humans, so you cut off the pointy ends of your ears!

Toastburner B: Deny it! If you can!

Toastburner B: *goes back and reads his theory.*

Toastburner B: And for the love of pete, I really hope you can....

[Dragonsbane]

DADDY!!! *glomps Bob*

[Terex4]

DruidoftheDead: No not leet!!!!
DruidoftheDead: *falls to his knees under the weight of the horrible leet speak*
DruidoftheDead: I....must.....destroy leet......before it takes over our language.....

[Dragonsbane]

*casts Shocking Grasp, zapping Bob, then teleports away...chuckling* actually, TB, there is a flaw in your theory...my parents have been gone for longer than either of you have been alive. Besides, the ears of a true elf are bigger.

[Toastburner B]

Toastburner B: Oh well...my bad.

*Toastburner inflicts upon Dragonsbane the status of CT*

Toastburner B: You may be wondering why I gave you the status of Chesire Thief. Well according to research, if you are CT, you-

*Dragonsbane logged out ::insert technical stuff here::*

Toastburner B: Log out at random intervals.

[Dragonsbane]

*Dragonsbane logged back in*

Dragonsbane: *casts Dispel* Now...where were we? *grins wickedly* Ah, that's right....FLARE!

Dragonsbane: *a blast of destructive energy shoots toward TB*

[Bailey]

[color=#00ff11]Newb: didn't I boot that thing?

Newb: there seems to be only one way to settle this

Server: Newb has rolled one six sided die: 7

Newb: ha! your precious /\/00131/\/470r is mine now!

/\/00131/\/470r: *steps on bob the mercenary*

Newb: now to raid the box of infinite goodies!

Newb: *eats chocolate cake*

Newb: anyone else want some? *distributes chocolate cake*

Newb: we probably need milk too

Newb: *takes carton out of fridge*

/\/00131/\/470r: *steals cake and carton, devouring both*

Newb: wait a minute, what did that label say?

Newb: *reads label*

Newb: um, Thaum...

Newb: run

[Terex4]

Ten minutes after the last thing said

DruidoftheDead: I found the calvinball! I'll get it!

Ten minutes later

DruidoftheDead: *grabs calvinball*
DruidoftheDead: ????
DruidoftheDead: Stupid lag its gone!

[Arhra]

Arhra: As amusing as your various incompetencies are, I do think it is time for me to take the Calvinball.

Arhra: *grabs the Calvinball and allows no lag to interefere with him*

Arhra has changed name to <you really don't think I'll let you find it out that easily do you?>

Arhra has the ball and now he's disguised as someone else. You'd think it would be easy to tell who but its not. This promises to be confusing.

[Jadarendir]

OOC: Dudes... the Calvinball is in my pants. I did that earlier in the game.

IC:

Jadarendir: Stay away from there Arhra!

Server: Arhra is trying to get at the large object in Jadarendir's pants.

Jadarendir: I need an adult! I NEED AN ADULT!!!!

[The Argent Lord]

((I think my old screenname is more appropriae for this, therefore...))

Server: 1337 Din0xx0r has joined the chat.
1337 Din0xx0r: I r0xx0r j0r s0xx0rz, j00 st00pd n00b. G0 suxx0r s0m duxx0rz.
/\/00131/\/470r: |-|5|\/|4|\| 00#. %05 4.3 4 |\|00_, 4|\|P 4.3 P\/\/4.3P _% |\/|% p0\/\/3.. |0.3p4.3 0. P3$7.5(710|\|.
1337 Din0xx0r: I d0nt thinxx0r s0, lewzr.
*1337 Din0xx0r casts Alter Code*
*/\/00131/\/470r is now /\/00131/\/4P3r*
/\/00131/\/4P3r: %05 $|-|4## 4## _3 |\/|% 7.33-$#4\/3$, 0. 1 4|\/| 7|-|3 |\/|19|-|713$7 (4|\|P1P473 1|\| 7|-|3 \/\/0.#P!
1337 Din0xx0r: F00l, j00 hve alredi l0sd! Da B00shi d00d w0nxxor!
/\/00131/\/4P3r: |\|00000000000000! 1 \/\/1## .375.|\|, 1|\| 05. |\/|0.3 %34.$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Terex4]

After seeing Argent's entrence, Druid found himself nearly blind at his computer. The leet was horrifying.

DruidoftheDead: The leet must die!
DruidoftheDead: *Puts anyone using leet on ignore and reaches toward Jad's pants.*

[Bailey]

Newb: *turns into two large bouncers, one stopping people from reaching into jada's pants, the other holding the nilk-controlled leet demon away from thaum*

Newb: *to both of them* RUN!

[Dragonsbane]

Dragonsbane summons a large number of angry police, who begin beating up everyone that was trying to get inside Jada's pants.

[Toastburner B]

*Toastburner, who has horrible lag on his computer. Walks over, and puts as box of doughnuts into DB's hands. As the police swarm him, Toastburner is throw across the room as the effects of the flare finally catch up through the lag*

[Dragonsbane]

Dragonsbane throws the box of donuts at Arhra, and watches him get swarmed by policemen.

[Bailey]

Newb: *turns on the coffee machine and pours all the coffee down arhra's pants*

Newb: *gives arhra and the police a privacy curtain for their "activities"*

[Jadarendir]

Jada dons a funny jester hat and starts running in circles screaming "STOP TRYING TO GET INTO MY PANTS! I KNOW I'VE GOT A HUGE BULGE BUT I'M REALLY TERRIBLE IN BED! ESPECIALLY WITH MEN!"

Then Jada stops running, wondering if he really IS terrible in bed. Then he stops worrying about it and just keeps running around.

[Toastburner B]

*Toastburner, not know how to respond to this situation, decides to remain at a healthy distance and say nothing...and scrub the char marks out of his armor while he has the chance.*

[Dragonsbane]

Dragonsbane sits down on a couch, summoning a pair of succubi to massage his shoulders, and pulls out a book on Drow culture.

"'Children with debilitating deformities are slain at birth, while an ultra-competitive environment insures that only the very fittest survive to breed'? Lolth sounds like she believes in evolution..."

[Bailey]

Newb: so, we are in a chatroom, and everything worth doing seems to be done.

Newb: so...

Server: Newb has rolled one six sided die: 4

Newb: *glomps DB*

[Bob The Mercenary]

A voice echoed.

Bob the Mercenary: It's not over yet!

The /\/00131/\/470r stood back up and transformed into its third (and this time final for real) form...
The Gigabeast!

[Toastburner B]

Toastburner B: *Looks at Bob* Man, I don't care what you turn into, but I am touching the calvinball until it comes out of Jada's pants.

Toastburner B: *Appears to be in deep thought*

Toastburner B: Make that I won't touch the ball until it it comes out of the pants and is soaked in disinfectant(sp).

[Jadarendir]

Toastburner B: *Looks at Bob* Man, I don't care what you turn into, but I am touching the calvinball until it comes out of Jada's pants.

Jadarendir: You will touch NOTHING, you Godless heathen!

[Bob The Mercenary]

Bob the Mercenary: We'll see about that. Gigabeast, remove this one's pants!

The Gigabeast stormed off towards Jada, inaudibly grumbling l33t as he went.

[Bailey]

OOC: sorry if this is bad, just wanted to stop them in case jada couldn't post for a while

Newb: are you insane?

Newb: don't you know that jada is the king of no pants?

Newb: if his pants are ever removed, he will transform into a terrible and destructive creature with no morals, and he will repeatedly dance in peoples faces, thus casting evil and horrible spells on them.

Newb: and the worst part is, he will do it to everyone!

[Jadarendir]

Jadarendir: The Newb speaks truly! Remove my pants, and prepare to have a massive--yet surprisingly gentle--M.A.S.S. thrusted in your face and waved around! And you'll probably get slapped by my wang too!

Jadarendir: So unless you wish to risk that, step no further!

New001: LOOOOLOMGWTF R U GAY?!?!!!?!1?!/1?!!

Jadarendir: Bend over and let's find out.

[Arhra]

OOC: Has anyone considered the impossibility of fitting a volleyball in your pants? Are they some sort of super transdimensional pants then? Pants of holding perhaps?

Arhra, having bribed the policeman swarm with the pack of donuts and beginning to form them up into a battle formation, considers this. "Hmm, so essentially what you're saying is, he'll begin spreading Chaos..." Arhra casts a fire spell and suddenly Jada's running around like his pants are on fire (because they are). Its a magical fire so it'll only burn the pants and won't go out. It especially won't burn the underpants (or boxer shorts as it may be). All those weirdos out there hoping for some full-frontal nudity aren't going to get it. Arhra disappears into his retinue of bribed police and then, out of everyone's sight, fades from existence.

OOC: I'll be going away on holidays so I'm pulling my character out with a final little action to spread havoc.

[Jadarendir]

OOC: Seeya Arhra.

IC:

Jadarendir: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMYPANTSAREONFIREMYPANTSA REONFIREMYPANTSAREONFIREMYPANTSAREONFIREMYPANTSARE ONFIREMYPANTSAREONFIRE!!!!!

Jadarendir: *jumps out of pants, revealing his Joe Boxers with little sharks on them.*

Jadarendir: What?

Jadarendir: Sharks are kewl.

OOC: For the record, the CB is still in my underpants. And they're not transdimensional. They're just super duper stretchy!

[Toastburner B]

Toastburner B: *sees that the calvinball is still in Jada's underwear.*

Toastburner B: How 'bout we just say Jada wins this one...cause I, for one, am not going in there.

[Dragonsbane]

OOC: MY pants can hold an immense amount of mass! *said with a great deal of pride...and even more innuendo*

IC: "Yes! Go Team Ver-err...does our team even have a name?" Dragonsbane looked over at Newb and Jada.

[Jadarendir]

Jadarendir: I dunno. But do you think it's fair that I'm keeping the ball in the Nether regions?

Jadarendir: I think we should give the other guys a chance.

[Toastburner B]

Toastburner B: Well, you have to admit it does set forth a new and distrubing tactic. I mean, from now on, all you will have to do is shove the ball down your pants, and you have instant victory.

Toastburner B: I had another joke, but I'm not going there.

[Jadarendir]

Jadarendir: I shall wait for confirmation from a teammate.

[Bailey]

Newb: so, do we just win now, or is some poor misguided soul going to risk a mass nudity spell?

[Jadarendir]

Jadarendir: I dunno. Should I release the Calvinball (and in turn, the M.A.S.S. for the first time in a long time) or shall I keep it in my boxers for assured victory?

[Jadarendir]

Jadarendir: I dunno. Should I release the Calvinball (and in turn, the M.A.S.S. for the first time in a long time) or shall I keep it in my boxers for assured victory?

[Jadarendir]

Jadarendir: I dunno. Shall I release my schlong--and the Calvinball--to the world, or shall I keep them both safe and sound in the depths of my sharky boxers?

[Thaumaturge]

OOC: Heh, sorry for the inactivity...

IC:
Thaumaturge: ...Now that's what I call lag!

Thaumaturge: So, since Jada seems to very much have the ball, what should we do?

Thaumaturge: *to Jada* Why not release the ball? It would be more fun, after all...

[Toastburner B]

Toastburner B: Well...there is always the option of me ordering down a heavy nuclear bombardment, killing everyone and the first one to respawn wins. That sound good to anyone else?

[Jadarendir]

Jadarendir: Let them try. The fury of the Magic Anatomical Supersized Schlong will crush them where they stand!

Jadarendir: Muahahahahahaaaaa!!!

Jadarendir: ...heehee...

[Toastburner B]

Toastburner B: Well...I could order a massive nuclear strike from orbit, thus killing all of us, and then the first one to respawn would claim the ball. Sound like a plan to anyone else?

[Dragonsbane]

Dragonsbane: I think we've won, since no one wants to stick their hand inside Jada's pants.

[The Argent Lord]

Server:1337 Din0xx0r is now Argent

Argent: That's better, I can talk normally now.

*Argent casts Mordenkainen's Castrating Scalpel*

Argent: Now, Jadarendir, do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?

[Toastburner B]

Toastburner B: Blast it! We have to do something! By having the ball crammed down Jada's undies, we are messing up the space-time continuum. I mean, for crying out loud, if the universe stops, and then there are three Jadas!

Toastburner B: There was two of me, but I killed the other one.

This joke is in reference to the recent server problems, which caused me to double post, and Jada to triple post. If he fixes his, then you know why I have this joke then. Ha!

[Dynamite220]

OOC- Sorry I was gone so long. I had to go some where and swallow my pride.

Dynamite220: Sorry i've been gone so long, guys. I don't use chatrooms
Dynamite220: often so I had to take a refresher cource.

Dynamite220: *looks at Jada* Oh, I see the problem. Why don't you
Dynamite220: just kick it out? God knows it worked on Stephen Lynch.

[Bailey]

Newb: the only problem with that, is that other things might come out

[Thaumaturge]

Thaumaturge: GAH! Did you have to give me that sort of mental image, Newb?!

Thaumaturge: *runs around in panic, screaming about the images burning in his mind*

Thaumaturge: *calms down* *looks at Jada* We could always just treat him as the Calvinball...

[Toastburner B]

*Toastburner looks behind him*

Toastburner B: GREAT JOE THOMPSON'S GHOST! There's three of me!

*Toastburner destroys the other two hims.*

Toastburner B: There...err, what where we talking about again?

[Bailey]

Newb: we were talking about the box of infinite goodies having a happily ever after cookie in it, and eating it will make you think of a good ending

Newb: *eats a happily ever after cookie*

newb: maybe it takes a while to take effect

[Dynamite220]

Dynamite220: Why did you have to put it in your pants anyway? Tactics
Dynamite220: like that make me wonder weather you even HAVE a pair
Dynamite220: for us to be worried about seeing. Of cource, you could
Dynamite220: grow a pair and TAKE THE DAMN THING OUT OF YOUR
Dynamite220: PANTS!

[Toastburner B]

*Toastburner tilts his head slightly to the side, as if thinking.*

Toastburner B: Let's see...carry the two...divide that be five...perfect!

*Toastburner takes a few steps away from Dynamite.*

Toastburner B: Sorry...I was just calculating the blast radius for the smiteage which will probably befall you soon.

Toastburner B:...Wait...was the divide by four or five? Darn my math skills! Darn them I say!

[Bailey]

OOC: well, i went and asked oster if he was okay with this, and he said he was happy to let people use him all they wanted. no, i didn't ask him what he meant

Server: Osterbaum has entered the chat

Newb: uh oh

Osterbaum: *stabs everyone* Muahaha!

Newb: Hi oster

Osterbaum: so, this is calvinball, right?

Newb: yes, why?

Osterbaum: *stabs calvinball*

Newb: you're supposed to take it, not stab it

Osterbaum: oh *takes the calvinball, stabbing anything that gets in the way*

Newb: um, it was in Jada's pants

Osterbaum: so? I just stabbed the pants too.

Osterbaum: *runs away singing a song loudly*

Server: Osterbaum has left the chat

Newb: *blink* did that just happen?

Server: THE END

OOC: please, this time, would everyone just post their own endings rather than continuing off of mine as if it was not an ending?

[Lycanthrope]

Server: Lycanthrope has joined chat
Lycanthrope: Hey all

Lycanthrope: So what's goi-

Lycanthrope: THAT'S THE CALVINBALL!

Lycanthrope: Muahahahahahahaha!

Server: Lycanthrope has loaded a file to chat

Server: Fatal Error! Illegal file!

Lycanthrope: Eat HaX, Calvinball! Muahahahaha!

Server: Error! No Disassemble Stephany!

Server: A fatal error has caused AIM to close

Server: THE END

[Dynamite220]

Dynamite220: Well, since I have to get out of the blast radius anyway, and
Dynamite220: Jada obviously has nothing to show, I guess i'll kick the
Dynamite220: calvinball out of his pants.

Dynamite220: *kicks the calvinball*

Server: Fatal error- Unable to show Jada's...

Dynamite220: I guess he did grow a pair.

Server: Shutting down

*AIM crashes*

THE END

[Toastburner B]

((OOC: Yes! It is time for me to write my overly-long ending for this thread! BWHAHAHAHAHAH(tm) ))

Jada, not very amused by Dynamite's comment, did indeed blast him. Dyanmite was thrown across the room, and grunted in pain when he hit the wall.

Jada turned to Toastburner. "What was that about nukes?"

Toastburner just stood there, montionless.

"Toast? Heeellllooooo?" Newb walked up to Toastburner, and waved his hand in front of his face.

Still, Toastburner didn't move.

Newb turned to Dragonsbane. "Did you hit him with a sleep spell or something?"

Dragonsbane shook his head. "I didn't do anything to him. I don't like this..."

Newb turned back to Toastburner. "Come on, Toast, wake up!" He said, and he hit Toastburner. Toastburner fell, over, bits and pieces of the armor going everywhere. He wasn't inside it.

"What the...when did he get out of his armor!" Newb yelled.

Dragonsbane looked around. "Jada! Behind you!"

But it was too late. Toastburner had already placed his newest weapon, the floating "censor" sign, on Jada. He then depants....eh...de-underweared him. Everyone looked at the "censored" sign, shocked that Toastburner actually did it.

The ball fell to the ground with a clank. Everyone dived for it, but Toastburner was the only one read for it. He grabbed the ball then ran for his life. Without his armor, Toastburner was armed only with his Onimusha-style gauntlet and leafblower. He had the wind-gem in the gauntlet, and used his leafblower to create gale-force winds to slow everyone else down.

Unfortuneately, the chat-room was small. Soon, Toastburner had no place to run.

His back against the wall, Toastburner smiled. He then held up the ball. "I win...for once."

Dragonsbane lifted an eyebrow. "Kind of god-moddy, wasn't it? How'd you get out of the armor without us noticing.

Toastburner shrugged. "I was never in the armor. We're in a chat room, remember? Technology is my thing, so it didn't take long to create a bot that would act like me. Thus, I was allowed to sneak in, steal the ball from y'all, and get out. I had wanted to act before my bot crashed, but them's the breaks."

Newb laughed. "Well, that's all well and all, but we got you know."

Toastburner sighed and looked at Newb. "Come on, Newb. You're the other tech guy here. I thought it was obvious how I was getting out."

Toastburner: Log out!

Server: Toastburner B has logged out ("See ya next game! :p")

"Oh." Newb said. "There is always that."

The End

[Jadarendir]

OOC: I don't know what's happened in the last few pages, and I'm too lazy to read. So I won't have an ending this time. And by the way Dynamite, I've crushed people with my schlong in previous Calvinball games. There's a reason why it's called the M.A.S.S.

[Bailey]

OOC: so, who wins? personally, i like tb's, although, you all must admit, that was exactly what oster would do if he wandered into a chat room where calvinball was being played. even oster admitted it

[Dynamite220]

OOC- You should read my ending before you go off on that kind of tangent, Jada. As for the winner, I also vote for TB.