Monologuing

[Bob The Mercenary]

Today my AV Production teacher assigned me a project to write up a monologue for someone in the acting class to read on camera. I also have to film it. It can be on anything really, but I'm drawing a blank.

This will be kind of like the one word story thread, only posts have to be at least a sentence and have to do with (however loosely you want) the current topic. We'll just keep building the monologue until it loses all sense. Whoever wants to start it can. At the end, I'll see if the teacher will let it pass.

[AerodynamicHair]

Here, I feel like helping someone out:

"Chopsticks are one of the most glorious inventions created by mankind. While the people of this country (the united states) may prefer a different eating utensil because of history and culture, no one can deny the power and elegance of the chopstick. If you demand proof, then the only example I need bring up is Cheetos brand cheese snacks. Man of the twentieth century was decimated by the paradox of Cheetos brand cheese snacks, that something could be so delicious, but at the same time create such a mess on your fingers. Many who took part in the eating of Cheetos brand cheese snacks were known as the Bearers of the Orange Claw, a characteristic drawn from the orange powder absorbed onto the skin from the delicious Cheetos. They hold out their now useless hand in a half grip of some unseen object, keeping it out and away from themselves so as not to spread the disease onto other parts of thei body such as the shirt or the pant leg. This was the price man would pay to enjoy Cheetos brand cheese snacks... until the chopstick made its way into western culture. The chopstick allowed man to grip the cheeto with much presicion without the curse of the orange claw afflicting him, a feat the fork and knife were unable to emulate. And so the chopstick reigns supreme as eating utensil of the Cheetos brand cheese snacks loving gods."

Ok, so I started to type up a few short sentences, but then I got carried away. Sorry. Lemme try again...

"Flavored Cola is the greatest threat to modern society that the world has ever seen"

There, much better. Good luck with the presentation, and if you want, I'll edit this and get rid of all the cheetos crap.

[Funka Genocide]

The utility of the chopstick doesn't end at cheeto consumption however, far from it! All types of food product can be eaten with but a single pair of chopsticks, I mean think about it! As the force applied is opposable and not reliant on such vagaries as "pierceability" the only foodstuff not manipulatable by chopsticks is liquid, which is always served in a convenient cup or bowl like dish, thus facilitating the slurping of said substances. So, slurping combined with chopsticks forms an indefatigueable duo of food consumption ability!


And by modern i refer to this very moment, and by society I mean the particular portion of society which I occupy, and by threat I mean I spilled it on myself.


hows that?

[DragonDaimyo]

Here's the link for a monologue a friend of mine did for his drama class: http://people.redhat.com/blizzard/monkeys.txt

See if he can read it without bursting out into spontanius laughter. Enjoy.

[AerodynamicHair]

"Also, we cannot forget the problems of the accepted everyday eating utensils. The fork seems to have risen out of the invention and utility of modern western thinkers, but its real roots are far more sinister. The fork and knife represent an era of violence and anger, when men used pitchforks as weapons and australians crafted extremely large (perhaps even novelty size) knives. We stab into meat today the same way a knight of the old days would stab into one who was being "repressed by the violence inherent in the system," and spear them like they would spear enemy soldiers. The elgant stainless steel of our eating utensils of choice are laminated with the blood of past peoples."

Had to add one more thing in there.

[Elminster_Amaur]

The problem with flavored cola is that when you add "flavor" to "cola" you get a highly combustable substance, which, if spilled upon yourself, will eat away at the skin, eyes, clothes, and clean away battery acid. When mixing such flavors, one has to be careful that the flavors will mix together with the "cola" aspect, without destroying all existence, such as mixing Mountain Dew with Dr. Pibb, would undoubtably do. Dr. Pibb, aka Mr. Pepper, is an already volatile mixture, and, when added to Mountain Dew, it will remain docile, only until an unbalanced force is applied to it. In this way, it acts similar to Nitroglycerin, only on a much more...Universal scale.

[Critic]

"Todays schools disallow wepons in the classrooms, however anything can become a wepon in school." The click clickity of pens anoy me to no end and if it continues in a classroom my desk would become a very good wepon real quick. Just a little pet-pive there for ya, and besides the pen itself would make a better wepon than the desk.

(edit) forgive me for the misspelling of words, and also for being to tired to open a word processor to do a spell check

[Loyal]

The problem with flavored cola is that when you add "flavor" to "cola" you get a highly combustable substance, which, if spilled upon yourself, will eat away at the skin, eyes, clothes, and clean away battery acid. When mixing such flavors, one has to be careful that the flavors will mix together with the "cola" aspect, without destroying all existence, such as mixing Mountain Dew with Dr. Pibb, would undoubtably do. Dr. Pibb, aka Mr. Pepper, is an already volatile mixture, and, when added to Mountain Dew, it will remain docile, only until an unbalanced force is applied to it. In this way, it acts similar to Nitroglycerin, only on a much more...Universal scale.Note to self: Try that sometime for a laugh.

On topic:

Either way, two types of colas, Coca-Cola and Pepsi, contain a chemical called Phosphorus Acid, a chemical used in floor cleaners. Now, before you throw away your soda cans in disgust, remember this: They make a REALLY cheap alternative to floor cleaners! Just pour the aforementioned cola(s) on a floor stain, and let it sit for a minute or so. Then, clean it off, and the stain will be cleaned off partially if not completely! All you have to worry about afterwards is removing the sticky film that results from liberally pouring soda on a walking surface.

[Bob The Mercenary]

Here's the link for a monologue a friend of mine did for his drama class: http://people.redhat.com/blizzard/monkeys.txt

See if he can read it without bursting out into spontanius laughter. Enjoy.

If you mean your friend used that as his monologue, then I believe you. If you're saying that he wrote it, then I demand proof because I saw that same link about four or five years ago.

[DragonDaimyo]

If you mean your friend used that as his monologue, then I believe you. If you're saying that he wrote it, then I demand proof because I saw that same link about four or five years ago.

No, he used it, but he didn't write it. He's actually surprisingly good at writing monologues, but this is beyond his talents. He's really bad at writing comedy.

[Gorefiend]

The link was, interesting.... I've read it before, actually.

And, If you don't mind, I'll go on with the chopstick monologue....

When you factor in the amount of variants (may be a different word here...) of our western utensils, the superiority of the chopstick is truely clear. Today, there is a type of fork, knife, or spoon for just about every concievable food related purpose. Such an amount of utensils becomes dauntingly confusing quickly. However, there is only one pair of chopsticks for all purposes. Coupled with the slurping, there is no way to become confused. We must also remember that, while there are three main types of western utensils-fork, knife, and spoon- there is, once again, one universal pair of chopsticks. And, while there are strict rules on the proper use of these three utensils, there is one universal way to use the chopsticks, which works 75% of the time. The remaining times are when slurping is requred.