This should be in a movie
 

Ever have something so messed up happen in your life that you though it was straight out of a movie? Well here is a place you can post about it. It can be anything from a random person giving you a large sum of cash or as simple as Fifthfeind being nice. Lets hear it.

One I have is a few years back the girl I was with was cheating on me and I found out and promptly ended the relationship. A few months later I found out that the guy she cheated on me with(who she had started dating), had been sleeping with her mom. Her 5 year old brother was always a great source of information.

Why....Just why...I could maybe understand older/younger sister depending on age...but the mom...that's just wrong when you think about it regardless of how attractive the mom is.

The main one I had was during a hockey game when I took a shot from the hash marks in hockey it went off the post and smacked the ref in the head then went and hit the goalie in the back and into the net. It also knocked the ref out and the linesman had to call it a goal. Best goal I've ever scored.

I have lot's of stuff that could make it's way into an 'Office Space' type film. The joys of working in customer service.

Just off the top of my head, I've been threatened with death by shotgun over the phone while selling this guy a cell phone.

Maybe she was one of the hot moms?

Anyway, when I was in Iraq, some of the stuff we went though would've made a great TV show. Especally when one officer, who has had 4 years of college mind you, couldn't tell a male lion from a female lion.

We actually kept a book about stupid stuff we've said.

With some editing and proofreading, you could sell it as a humour book.

Only one I can think of off the top of my head was a few years ago on a Boy Scout trip to Alaska. Me and a friend are on a pier with one of the "adult leaders" who was really just a guy who got too old to be officially in Scouts but still wanted to do camping trips. The guy picks up a rock, says "I know I'm not supposed to do this, but I really hate seagulls" and chucks it full force at a bird perched on a sign nearby. He shot a little low, and the rock bounced off the sign and smacked him square in the middle of the forehead. He stood there for a moment, said "Let's never speak of this again," and walked away.

That would be totally priceless of the seagull didn't even fly away. X)


I can't really say I have much in the line of this past one-liners. Usually said in innocence. Like, one time, I was riding with a guy from one school to a meeting at another with a couple others and he turned and said, "you guys are my back seat hos!" and I said, "yeah, we're just along for the ride."

You know I had this one thing happen to me that... BAM.

Hope you guys weren't in the middle of something important. And yes it's a relevant link so you can't be mad! (Where's that damn smug smiley face?!)

They should make a movie about TV Tropes.

Lighting fireworks off in the middle of the night in random places. Some that come to mind are dumpsters, which later are set on fire, in a portapotty, and then tipping the portapotty, and also in front of someone's house just after they may have gone to bed. With those you want the kinds that fire off nine or so fireworks one after the other.

Also, if that was your house we did that to, ya gotta admit, it was pretty funny. Also, free fireworks show.

I'm not a bad guy.
In history class last year my teacher asked someone to read the title of a page. After a minute of silence I turned to my friend Quentin and wispered a little to loud and dickishly, "Anything? Gee, what is she retarded?"
All the heads in the class snapped to the back of the room and it dawns on me right when Quentin whispers, "Mark, she's special..."
I dropped my head to my knees. She didn't hear and neither did the teacher, but everybody else did.

Trick question! Lions are asexual! They reproduce by fission!

Why/how? It's a wiki. They could make a documentary about it, but who wants to learn?

Although I could see something like The Labyrinth, where some chick's little brother gets lost in it and she has to go in and find him which is interesting because it's a web page and only exists in a virtual medium but hey.

And it has David Bowie.

I have another one that happened to me. In a few year books I jokingly wrote, "If somebody offers you drugs remember what to say. Please and thank you." And as a part of an injoke I wrote, "You owe me a brownie." It was less than a week before graduation.
My principal tried to kick me out, which would mean summer school, and my favorite teacher agreed with him. She even asked my friend, "What's a brownie?" Completely deadpan he told her, "It's a baked, chocolatey treat."

I didn't get expelled but

my old teachers think Im a pothead. I was a straight A student and I want to be a cop. I was just joking about manners; I would never touch drugs.

I think it would be more like that episode of Futurama where Fry is trying to save Bender and Leela but he can't because he's addicted to Slurm, with TV Trope pages taking the place of the extra-concentrated Slurm.

Back in 10th grade at my High school (PTHS) during spring 2005. A friend of mine who was running for class president next year, decided to break dance in front of the A cafe (PTHS has 2 cafes one for 9th - 10th graders, and the other for 11th - 12th graders). It was because of that little show that he won the election. Even though everyone only voted for him for the hell of it and started to regret it a year later (of course he did live up to the job and did few great things, like get cheese fries on the lunch menu again even though it was only for a year and a half.)

Then there was my entire senior class trip to Florida during my finally year at high school. Ahh good times :) I remember it so well (hope I never forget it!).

Day 1: Everyone who's going arrives at the school (There were 90 students that wanted to go) at around 5 - 6 am. We have few laughs, play a few video games, dress up some random student who was asleep on the floor against the wall as a hobo a take photos (he was pissed when he found out but he got over it within a few hours or so). Anyway the buses ran a little late so we had to hurry on to them so that we don’t miss our flight (by the way it recently snowed here in new jersey around that time so we we’re all really looking forward to this), and depart from the school at around 8 – 9 am. So as we approach the airport, the bus driver misses our turn, so she decides to back up on a highway, in an attempt to go down the exit leading to the airport. As we are doing that a police officer pulls us over. Talking about how dangerous it was to be backing up on a highway (even though there were no cars coming when we attempted it plus only a little over half the bus passed the exit in the first place so we were still good).

Anyway the cop gives her a ticket, as the rest of our buses are pretty much at the airport now. But he decides to let us back up and make the turn and even agrees to help us out a bit (what a cool cop). So as we’re backing up another cop starts screaming at us. It seems we were backing up into his car (almost on top of it LOL, but no real damage was done to his car). He gets out and screams at the bus driver but the other cop that was helping us clamed him down and explained that we really didn’t see him so it was mostly his fault. He agrees to let us slide although the bus driver is now in real trouble (I don’t know how things went down after we left but since she showed up to pick some of us up a week later, I assume everything turned out ok) Anyway we finally managed to arrive at the airport and meet up with the rest of the seniors. Lucky for us, our plane was delayed thanks to the snow. We were happy to hear that… at first anyway.

We were at that airport for 10 hours before our plane arrived. Any longer and we’d all be camping out side on the runway singing campfire songs in our undergarments. But at least we had the plane all to our selves (made me feel famous). After arriving at Florida at around 10pm, (yeah we missed our first day which we were going to spend at universal studios -_-), We all end up get separated at the airport while we waited for our tour bus to show up who was running late (at least there was no snow down at Florida). It took her 1 hour to get to us. After getting to and checking into our hotel (we almost ended up sleeping somewhere else but one of the teachers managed to convince the hotel owner to let us stay there for the week). After eating some pizza, and playing yugioh with my roommates, we all decided to get some rest. Hoping tomorrow would be better.

Hey, Gunslinger, I haven't been paying much attention, but I've seen two double posts by you tonight. Try not to do that, ok? I'm not trying to be harsh or anything, it just keeps things clean.

Going off of Nique's post on the earlier thread, I've had someone threaten to cut off my head and pour butter down my neck because, after grandma said she couldn't have butter, I didn't put butter on her grandkids' popcorn they were sharing with her when they got a refill. It's not really movie worthy, but it's a fun compliment to his shotgun threat.

I've read this post five times and I just cannot understand what it's going on about. Kudos!

Here's my interpretation. Grandma can't have butter (presumably because she is old and will have a heart attack or something). Grandma is sharing popcorn with kids, so phil_ doesn't put any butter on said popcorn. Then, someone (unspecified) threatens to cut off his head and pour butter down phil_'s throat.

Well that does seem like a movie worthy Modus Ponens to me. An AMERICAN Modus Ponens.

Ok, then, long boring version. Two kids, mom, and grandma order popcorn from the concessions stand at my theater. While ordering, mom asks kids if they want butter on their popcorn. Kids say "yeah!" Grandma says "no, I can't have butter." They don't get butter on their popcorn because of this.

Kids come out of the theater later for a refill. I don't ask if they want butter because I think that the earlier decision still stands. After I do the refill, the kids ask for butter, and I say something like, "Didn't your grandma say she can't have butter? I'm not putting butter on this." I engaged my memory for a moment while working minimum wage, stupid, I know.

Mom comes out with kids and demands that I put butter on their popcorn. So I do, 'cause fuck it if I'm arguing with their mom at this point.

When they come out of the theater, they loiter in the lobby, making passive-aggressive comments to each other about what a horrible person I am and how, if they find me in the parking lot, they're going to cut off my head and pour butter down my throat. Fin.

See? Not very interesting. I just needed to add something to my post to hide that I'm backseat moderating and it was the first thing that came to mind.

Don't sweat it man. I loved your story. I'd butter your severed neck anyday!

Wow. I thought I had interesting life stories... There I go thinking again.

Damn Phil, what an interesting day you had. Personally I would have just gave the kids butter when they asked for a refill instead of waiting for the parent to show up. Anyway you must of had a nice walk to your car that day huh?

Damn phil, how could you do such a thing, adding butter to the popcorn! You are such a horrible person!

So my guess is the kids went back into the theater, whinned to mommy that they couldn't get butter, obviously neglected to tell the fact you said about the grandma not being able to take butter, disrupted moms movie cause they are whinning so she has to come out and be a bitch instead of asking politely! I love customers!

My recently exciting day came at work yesterday. This is a true story, and it involves a user that is so incompetent that it boggles the mind they would let this person sit at a computer desk. I work in IT and have to carry a god awful, annoying as hell pager around, and its there for support. I'm usually on the go enough times that someone mentions something to me I'll forget right away so I tell them to call pager or send an e-mail. This user, this wonderfully smart amazing user, told me as I was running around his computer was acting up, told him to get someone to e-mail me about it as I was busy. He didn't, and decided, with him knowing next to nothing about computers, to fix the problem himself. How would he do this you ask? Why it obvious. Unplug cords and plug them in again. In Random places even if thats not where they go. Then, when that solution doesn't work and causes even more problems, whats the next step? I'm sure you would all go, "page IT". Not this aspiring genius, his solution is to pick the computer up and then, by the power of the gods, drop it and see if that fixes the problem. Now when he dropped this machine, he managed to spill coffee on it as well, and not just no where, it got on the back of it and inside of it. Genius I tell you, pure Genius this guy is! Now you'd think, THINK, that he'd tell his boss his computer doesn't work, you'd think! But NO, It does not end there, not at all, he decides to plug it in again! Now what happens to a PC when it's been dropped and coffee has gotten all over it plus inside it and you plug it in and turn it on? Why, IT CAN LIGHT ON FUCKING FIRE! AND BURN THE FUCKING GENIUSES HAND AS HE TRIES TO BAT IT OUT WITH HIS FUCKING HAND.

Safe to say at this point, after a fire extinguisher is used his boss pages me and tells me what happened. Then she gets mad at me for not helping him sooner. I told her, I was on another page, told him to e-mail me so I remember cause quite frankly, production issues, which I was dealing with, are times more important then his computer acting up because he can use one of the other computers there for the time being. Now here's the kicker, I get to the now toasty machine and ask him what had happened to cause the problem. He says "The screen was flickering all the time". I look at the 10 pounds of paper on his keyboard that's been there the whole time apparently, and wish to the gods of war that I could smite this guy right then and there. But they say no and tell me to carry the damn toasty computer away from his desk, see if anything survived or to otherwise toss it out.

So it's been placed in an area in the server room, under a sign that says "User's Never Learn".

Beheading someone and pouring buttter down their headhole is passive-agressive? I'd hate to know what real agression is for you.

I never imagined that anyone could really be THAT stupid in real life with out faking it. He's so stupid its medically fascinating. Was he by any chance mentally disabled? Just wondering.

I have to admit, with the fact that many computer components burn green, the guy had to be a class A idiot to try to put it out with his hands. Also, I hope they got the place evacuated, because burning components also tend to release hazardous chemicals. Some even radioactive, IIRC.

We evacuate for any fire. And our fire marshall put it out. I got paged after we were allowed to come back in which was an hour later, after enjoy the wonderful sun during that time.

He's not mentally retarded, we think he is, but theres no proof he is. He is from another culture though and is recently immigrated and has very poor english. But it just boggled my mind when I was told what happened. He wasn't fired either, wish he was cause he's fucked up a lot of computer equipment. Usually just by deleting files and folders he shouldn't be. But yeah, I saw the computer on my desk this morning before putting it on the sign and just thought, man this make a great little bit on a comedy movie, then though Mr. Bean would be a great character to experience this.

I had to re-purpose a new PC for him. A Dell GX 1 40o0Mhz with 256 ram, booya, he can break that all he wants cause we have a shitload of crappy pc's he can use!

On the butter-drenched decapitation; Is there anything worse than horrible people making poor use of black humour? Probably, but I can't think if it at the moment!

Also;

You know, I've always thought that kids knew that participating in any way in a Student Body Council was one of the more meaningless excersises in their 4-year Highschool career. I mean, everyone jokes about it, makes fun of the process, realizes that the President is a puppet leader, meant to distract from the real power, but then oh hey there's a ballot and someone wins and everything. Who's voting?!

I mean, does everyone just sort of willingly go along with the lie? It's double-think, 1984 man!

On that note, there should be a 'High-School Musical' esque movie with songs and dance about what actually goes down in Highschool.

*Que music*

"Didn't think I drank that much *da da da, da da da,* No idea where I woke up *da da da, da da da"

Or something like:

"School shooting! *do wap do wap do* It's just another, school shooting! *de dap do do do*"

Never gonna drink again...
 

Relevant Link

Those are a bitch to put out. When I was in Fire Camp, at the end of the week, we had to put out a gas tank, a dumpster and a car with our teams. The dumpster was by far the easiest, but it retains heat - we had to cool the thing thouroughly before we were "finished."

Nah, man. It's all good. The only thing is that people frown on double posting here - ie, posting twice in quick succession. We wanna hear your input, though just hit the edit button and fit it into one post.

At my school, they did, which is why he won. He became pretty damn popular after that day though.

More Relevant Link

Science fact: everything can be improved with musical numbers. Everything.

Not really movie-worthy, but my high school graduation ceremony was better than yours, and let me tell you why.

We were going through the evening, the same hollow words and motions that always fill these things--I don't know why we, as a culture, assign days as "important" and then strip them of all soul, but we do. Finally, near the end of the ceremony, the valedictorian stepped up to the podium... and began to give a totally different speech from the one he had printed in our program. He smiled, acknowledging our principal, who was quietly flipping out in the back. "The speech in the program is okay," he went on, "but generic. Besides," his grin widened, "what's the point of giving this speech... if you already know what I'm going to say?"

He continued, discussing his experiences over the previous for years and recognizing each of his friends. He also threw in a few references to "Mr. Roboto," being that he was a Styx fan and sometimes implied to be a robot because he was just so smart. "But I'm not," he said. One by one, he began to remove all the medals and decals decorating his gown, placing them on the podium in front, and slowly removed his hat, placing it with the pile. "I'm Mike." With that, Mike left his assorted decorations on the podium and silently returned to his seat.

EDIT: There was also the year a riot broke out at the spring celebration, but that happened on like the only day I've ever gone to bed early. Nevertheless the less, the pictures have been archived online for posterity:

http://www.rofflehaus.com/w/images/t...iot_mayhem.jpg

My friend Matt had a pretty cool speech but that is one of the coolest graduation speeches I have ever heard of.

Man for our high school graduation we just got our certificates handed to us then spent the rest of the day drinking on school grounds and playing pranks on the lower years which were still in class.
Not nearly as theatrical.

Long winded!
 

I have a great good-feeling kind of movie moment in my life:

Quite a few years ago, two little boys got on a plane from The Philippines to America, about 4 or 5 years old each. One was blind and one was deaf and they were both going over to America as special needs adoptions. At that time, I remember my sister-in-law's best friend was adopting a special needs child from The Philippines, and she was told there was a blind boy and a deaf boy that she could choose from, and she chose the deaf boy. The blind boy went to a totally different family, who, after a year or so, ended up having to be removed from the family because of abuse and other such things (apparently they didn't want the blind boy they had adopted. :shifty:) The blind boy's private agency then had only a few weeks to find a new family before having to send the child back to the orphanage in The Philippines. The private agency so happened to be run by my dad's coworker, who told my dad the whole story, who told my brother and sister-in-law the whole story, who had been considering having children. In a leap of faith, they ended up adopting him. Since my sister-in-law's best friend adopted the other boy that had come over with my nephew, the two were reunited and are best friends today.

I think it's pretty damn sweet. There's something really poetic about watching two best friends, one blind and one deaf, playing together. They make a good pair.

Eh. Ours had a sarcastic, misanthropic midget explaining how after that day we were on our own to protect ourselves from the ravenous wolves that roam our suburban town, amongst other things.

My animals just preformed a movie type scene.

1 dog, 1 cat, 1 treat.

Golden Retriever named Zoey was getting a treat tossed to her for no real reason. The devious cat named Optimus Prime jumped in the way of the treat, grabbed it when it landed on the ground and ran off.

Zoey, seeing the cat run away with her treat gave chase. They ran around the living room for a bit till Optimus got up high where Zoey couldn't get him. as he ate the treat while making sure zoey could see him eat it, he used his tail to knock things down at the dog. I should really have punished him, but it was to damn funny and the things weren't breakable.

Now the dog planned a revenge and wandered off after getting things dropped on her. She came back with Optimus's blanket and the proceded to chew and slobber all over it. I guess it pissed him off cause he jumped off the shelving and onto the dogs back and Zoey chased her around the house again till Optimus hid in the bath sink. Zoey eventually got bored trying to get the cat and wandered away.

Wow! It's like a real live Tom and Jerry moment!

I just had one a two days ago
I work in a kiddy park inside of a sports stadium, where the kids can come and pay tokens to play such things like Wiffle ball (where i was working) while their parents can watch the game drink beer and curse like sailors. the job takes 3 people to operate so i got the job of picking up the balls in the field and trying to keep people from stealing the last of the balls that fly out of it...
anyways while running around i looked up at the line as usual it stretched around the entire field near the front was a lady looking at her iPhone in a nervous mannor...I went to see what was the matter... apparently their was a huge storm coming our way and she was afraid that her son wouldn't get to play the game (he was next in line to hit the balls) the other kid was throwing a hissy fit because he didn't hit a ball and refused to move. (hey YOU go tell the kid with a baseball bat to move!) the pitcher was getting tired of him and refused to throw anymore and finally I the ticket taker took the bat out of his hands before he charged the mound...as the kid left I Said the dumbest thing
"at least it cant get any worse"
It rained...HARD!