[Astral Harmony]

Kirie: "How come Chizuru gets all the attention? I've got loads of sex appeal!"
Tsubasa: "Yeah, but Chizuru has even more than you. Plus there's the matter of your...ahem...personality."
Kirie: "What's that?"
Tsubasa: "Face it, Kirie. You can really be a bitch sometimes, and that's only brushing the tip of the iceberg on all the negative things about you. You're egotistical, confrontational, homicidal, you can't cook worth a shit-"
Kirie: "My cooking packs a lot of nutritional value! I always make sure to put lots of vitamins and other good stuff in my cooking."
Tsubasa: "Yeah, but it's kind of difficult for anyone to draw out that nutritional value when they can't keep the food down long enough."
Kirie: "Oh, yeah!? Well I don't see a whole lot of guys lining up at your door!"
Tsubasa: "I'm already married."
Kirie: "Whaaaaaaaaaaah!?"
Tsubasa: "To my job."
Kirie: "Oh. I hate you."
Tsubasa: "Come to think of it, Chizuru may be the only Kimono that the guys would want. The reasons you and I will probably never be married are out there for all to see. Rio's flirtatious to the max and is already involved with Kiyomi. Kiyomi's a straight lesbian. Takano thinks she's too good for any man..."
Takano: "I am."
Tsubasa: "As I was saying, Nyoka's an android who isn't a sexualoid, Mika's only twelve years old, Shizuka's even more of a workaholic than me, and Fujiko is fucking hideous."
Kirie: "You'd better be glad Fujiko isn't around to hear you say that."
Tsubasa: "Why? It's not like I let some cat out of the bag. Fujiko is ugly because she experimented with demonic rituals beyond the norm of what transformed the human Kimonos into half demons. Hell, her whole current focus is to become beautiful again and she'll gladly and without hesitation backstab anyone to achieve that goal...which actually makes her quite ugly inside and outside."
Kirie: "Man...you're absolutely right. Kinda makes you think, huh? I mean, there's so many beautiful women here and yet only Chizuru gets the guys because she's agreeable on all possible levels."
Tsubasa: "Which is why some people tend to believe that it's more than just Rio and Kiyomi who do the yuri thing. I'll bet there's people who believe you and me are hot for each other instead of just being heated rivals."
Kirie: "We're not?"
Tsubasa: "Quiet, you."

And now for the long awaited next segment of Pokégeddon Legends!

Pokégeddon Legends! ...Pokémon at the Apollo

Regina: "Well...here we are."
Gardevoir: "Took long enough. Wait, is this a Contest Hell?"
Lopunny: "I believe you mean 'Contest Hall', Garde."
Seaking: "Fuck yeah, Gardevoir said it better!"
Gardevoir: "So, this favor we're doing for you is just being in a contest, right?"
Regina: "Yeah, that's it."
Gardevoir: "Well, if we gotta. Four contestants, coming right up."
*several minutes later, inside the Contest Hall*
Regina: "Okay, I signed you guys up for-"
Rapidash: "Wait, you signed us up already? Dayumn, 'Gina. Can a Pokémon get an choice up in here?"
Regina: "Relax, you're just doing a comedy bit."
Lopunny: "Comedy? You're kinda putting us on the spot, here."
Gardevoir: "Comedy, eh? Sounds perfect."
Lopunny: "There goes Gardevoir. Why does that chick want to be a comedian?"
Seaking: "Fuck yeah, flashback?"
Lopunny: "But there's no underlying reason. I've known Garde ever since she was a Kirlia, but she didn't have any specific reason for wanting to be a comedian then and I don't think she's changed any."
*roughly a half-hour later*
Announcer: "Ladies and gentlemen, presenting entry number thirteen! Give it up for Pokégeddon!"
*audience claps as the team minus Regina goes on stage*
Gardevoir: "Good evening, Fainas Metropolis! Man, I teleported here all the way from Gespenst Beach and boy, am I outta PP or what!? Y'know?"
*audience is silent*
Gardevoir: "Uhhh...hey, you all know how it's said that people confuse Voltorbs for Pokéballs? I mean, what's up with that, y'know? Voltorbs are so much larger and they have eyes and they move on their own. How in the heck're people confusing Voltorbs with Pokéballs? I mean, that's just so dumb, right?"
*deathly silence about the audience*
Gardevoir: "Wow, tough crowd. I may have struck a personal nerve with some of these people. Oh, wait, there's hardly any Voltorbs at all here in Honmyr. Seriously, what's up with that? Almost no first evolution Pokémon to speak of around this whole region. I guess Pokémon must be in a hurry to be legally able to drink and have sex, eh? What do y'all think about that? Crazy, right?"
*A Kricketune starts to sing*
Rapidash: "Geez, Garde. Your comedy is mo' whack than watching a Pokémon battle between Dittos."
*audience starts to chuckle*
Gardevoir: "Oh, like your comedy is any better, Rapidash! Remember that time you farted in that guy's open mouth?"
*audience laughs harder*
Gardevoir: "Can you believe it, people? We're walking around looking for some good karaoke or something and Rapidash here sees this drunk guy passed out on a park bench, mouth wide open. And what do you think he does? Backs right up over the guy and lets it rip right into his mouth. Dis-fuckin'-gusting! We didn't wait around for the guy to wake up, but I'll bet that was some morning breath."
Rapidash: "Oh, like you're any better, Gardevoir! Peep this, yo! Garde gets drunk this one night, and when I say drunk, I mean fuckin' plastered, yo! Anyways, Froslass is driving us home and get this. She uses her psychic ability to throw up out of the window and make it circle around to the driver's side, pass around Froslass and hit me in the face."
*audience is starting to really enjoy the show*
Gardevoir: "Believe it or not, I wasn't using any psychic powers at all. Oh, hey, remember when Lopunny tried to become a stripper?"
Lopunny: "Hey, now."
Rapidash: "Oh god, that was hilarious. Halfway through her routine one night, she somehow tied her own ears in a knot on the other side of the pole, tries to leave really fast and falls back against it and knocks herself out. I thought that was a strip club, not a comedy club."
Lopunny: "Oh, yeah!? Well, what about that time you got pulled over and tried to make the dialogue with that officer the same as that Jay-Z song?"
Seaking: "Fuck yeah, ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one!"
Rapidash: "God, I was so arrested that night."
*event over*
Gardevoir: "How did it go?"
Regina: "Not bad. Sixth place."
Gardevoir: "Sixth place!? That's terrible! Wait, out of how many?"
Regina: "Twenty, I think."
Gardevoir: "Damn it, I know I could've done better."
Lopunny: "Well, we kinda didn't have any material beforehand."
Regina: "Considering that probably all of them signed up for the comedy contest knowing they were going to do it days in advance, sixth out of twenty is really good."
Gardevoir: "I won't accept sixth place! I shall begin a new journey at once!"
Lopunny: "You're gonna become a traveling comedian?"
Gardevoir: "Traveling, yes. The comedian part will be a work in progress."
Lopunny: "So you've finally decided to do something with your life, huh? Well, I'd be bored as hell without you to put up with so I guess I'll better come along."
Rapidash: "Aw, the both of you are goin'? Well, shit, count me in, too."
Seaking: "Fuck yeah, new adventures!"
Gardevoir: "Regina, if you'll have us, we'd like to continue traveling with you."
Regina: "Really!? You don't know how much this means to me!"
Gardevoir: "Oh, I have an idea. I am psychic, after all. I know everything."
Lopunny: "Oh, really? Then how come you didn't know any good material before the contest kicked off?"
Gardevoir: "Because fuck you, that's why."