Two things:
1) It's not necroposting if it's only 5 days old, I think. Even if it is like half way down the second page by my reckoning.
2) Yes, I said "Early July 12th," but early is a relative term, and I still won't be in bed for maybe 3 hours, so it could technically be later. Ha.
Anyway. Enough screwing around.
Especially with this.
My stats are pretty high - and yes, they are ALL blinded - but it's worth it.
Also I have enough potions to last forever.
Anyway, onward.
A recurring gag!
Also, why does this octopus have teeth?
Thanks, I noticed.
"Hey, a fork in the stream! It acts like we have a choice, but nobody's got a paddle. Also I'm still holding the A button."
Yeah, remember that? I told you.
No, the fact that you have teeth and CAN TALK makes you a goddamned bad octopus.
OH GAWD WHAT THE HELL!
Come ON, Ultros! You could've just said "DAAAAYUM" and been done with it!
AHNULD is upset.
You wouldn't like AHNULD when he's... hungry. Some people eat squid, right? And octopus? I dunno, I just wanted to make a Hulk reference. That movie was okay!
And so have you.
If it's a tentacle then I'm going to punch whoever invented that kind of pornography in the face.
This is even worse when you realize the implications of
Rule 34.
Or worse, Rule 46.
"Don't make me smack you!"
"We are safe from the tentacle pr0n."
"There's yaoi of it too!! :gonk:"
...Well, damn.
If you are reading this, it is too late to respond and I think the universal consensus was GO AHNULD GO!
I'm pretty sure that in the original Japanese version there was a scene involving AHNULD and Ultros' tentacles but this is Nintendo of America, and they have some respect for sanity.
Soldier on a chicken!
"I rule with an iron fist."
Yeah, I bought some stuff from him. Shurikens, for example. I have no use for them but they're so cool!
I then get thirsty but a ninja is blocking my path to the well.
...Sure, let's ask the first shifty-looking person we come across.
Wow, that's a surprise! This strangely-named ninja is going to help us find our friends!
...What the hell? That's actually anti-helpful.
I'm not sure why he says this. Maybe it's just to set the mood, like his
music.
Just gonna point out that this badass ninja is 10 levels lower than my main character.
Anyway. Heading inside that random house.
The text bubble hides it, but... there's nothing on the wall.
Out... back?
...Eh. May as well. Maybe he'll give me an.... item? Or a quest?
Or second-degree burns?
This guy's worse than Banon.
Toss me on the Veldt... too? PLOT THREAD UNCOVERED!
So it WAS a quest. The burns mysteriously heal.
Let's... uh, inspect it.
After that rest, we head out along the only path available. I guess we'd actually be fine if Mr Silly Ninja left.
Speaking of which... Silly can throw things.
Like shurikens.
Badass.
We eventually reach a tiny stretch of sand.
It contains an imperial base.
"He's got an incredible hangover... doesn't want any sound, so SHHH!"
"People who are LOOKING OUT don't make ANY NOISE AT ALL! So SHUT THE HELL UP! Ugh..."
Elsewhere...
Imperial soldiers?
At a generic castle?
Oh no! Not a siege!
...They forgot the siege engines. They're literally throwing THEMSELVES at the walls.
Just to point this out, sometimes the game explains things better than I let on (by the way, they're attacking Doma Castle) but no, they actually never say why the soldiers are being so obviously ineffective.
There are videos on Youtube. Search "Doma Castle" if you want. I tried it, it worked.
Anyway, the soldiers inside Doma don't seem to realize that these guys have no clue how to breach a castle's walls. They're cowering in fear of these scary men throwing themselves at the stone.
But who's that? Can this mysterious person come to their aid??
Finally, someone sane!
His name is Thou.
Because if you defeat the commander, the troops will scatter.
...Not sure why you NEED the troops to scatter when they don't even notice the open door...
Commander: "Wait, you're me?"
Thou: "No, I am Thou!"
Commander: "No, I'M me. You're you. What's your name?"
Thou: "Thou."
Commander: "...Screw it."
Thou has an ability formerly called SwdTech, and now called Bushido.
The little bar fills up slowly, and each number has a different technique. The higher the number, the stronger (usually) the technique is.
This meter fills up in real time, so the battle goes on while the thing fills. This makes it generally useless in the eyes of most players. But we're only looking for the first one.
"Fang" (or "Dispatch" in the original) is an automatic critical hit.
It also looks pretty cool.
I love the expressions on their faces. Though I do wonder where the other eye goes.
Control switches back to me. Silly looks so much cooler than AHNULD.
I, uh, sneak past the guard, I guess. Actually I'm not sure if he can possibly catch you because I didn't notice him until I had already passed.
"I'm pretty sure we'll have a catapult this time."
"Honestly, somebody will probably try to ride the rock or something. Those STUPID, STUPID SOLDIERS."
JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD.
Here comes the big leader speech...
"Is that... the Leo Signal?! There's no time to lose!"
Looks like Mr. Soldier just got a field promotion, if he's got enough balls to hold onto it.
With a speech like that? Definitely.
Uh-oh! Kefka's up to his old tricks! Tsk, tsk, tsk.
...I'm pretty sure that's not how poison works.
"Not like last time..." *laugh track*
Exeunt Leo.
...Way to hold onto your promotion, kid.
Dun dun DUNNNNNNN!
Will our heroes be able to stop Kefka from executing his evil plot?!
Spoiler: No, they actually won't.