!!CAUTION 99.9!!
"Who's there? ...I guess it was nothing."
!!CAUTION 00.0!!
"Attack team, return to your posts. Guard team, stay alert."
Whew.
"AUGHAUGHAUGHAUGHAUGHblaaaagh."
"This is Cocke. I'm at the 'sneak point.' "
METAL GEAR?!?!?!?!!
Yes, that's right, folks! Cocke must now single-handedly un-infiltrate South Figaro, now occupied by imperial troops and robots! This is a one-man job. Any more would be suicide. And there's only one who can do it.
His name is Carbon Cocke.
...Though that's not to say that you actually have to hide from anyone. This is more of a trading quest.
This fellow wants cider.
This fellow also has a secret passage in this basement that I need in order to escape.
I can't get the cider without using the (visible) door to the north, and I can't get there without being a merchant. Crap. Maybe I could sell the 99 Hi-Potions I have...?
...That's not what Cocke would do.
Thief? Ohoho! Oh, man, you are about to get your lungs ripped out!
Tell 'im, Cocke!
...That was much less murderous than in the SNES version.
Regardless. Cocke's got a job to do.
AHAHA! SUCKS TO BE YOU, LOSER!
Adding insult to, umm, nudity! Cocke is the most badass character in the game so far.
The naked man runs away.
"I am the milkman. My milk is delicious."
Of course, a merchant's outfit is not the most... inconspicuous costume to be wearing in an occupied city.
!
It's not even a fight.
I wish you could steal everyone's clothes. It would make fighting Kefka so much easier.
And the guard lets me through! How useful. I think it's time to head back to the pub.
A merchant man is waiting in the inn. He's just closing shop for the night.
Cocke doesn't take kindly to hours of operation.
...There are now like 3 naked people running around the streets of South Figaro. People are probably getting suspicious.
In the basement of the inn is a merchant with the cider we need! Huzzah! Just gotta beat him up and take it!
...Oh, what the hey.
Yoink.
And now to return to the old man at the start.
The merchant outfit is actually necessary to get back upstairs. But no, I totally didn't need to steal it twice. That was just for fun.
"I'll probably remember if you get me more cider, though!"
Luckily the game allows you to guess the password.
It's obviously going to be "Failure". :shifty:
Sweet.
The password was actually Courage by the way.
The passageway leads to the house of a rich man, who has yet ANOTHER passageway underground.
The merchant outfit is now useless, and is unbecoming for a legendary warrior such as Carbon Cocke.
After peeking through a door...
...we find a stunning turn of events!
A traitor-general? A HAWT traitor-general?!
...And she's in chains, too. I can see where this is going.
Ahem.
...So, the first time I did this run, we were tied between the two names of Kutan and Whore. Rather than wait for you guys to vote on one more, I just threw in a placeholder name.
Otacon!
...In the end the tiebreaker turned out to go for Whore. Named, ironically, by the NPF forum member whose username is Solid Snake. Go figure.
I prefer Otacon, personally, but if you guys REALLY WANT TO then I can go back and change it to Whore. Or Kutan if more of you vote for it.
Yeah, I'm changing the rules every which way. But whatever. Voting is fun!
Ahem.
"Just like in one of my Japanese animes!"
The interrogator marches out, leaving a single inept guard with a
diarrhea sleeping problem to watch over her.
She then falls over as if she had lost consciousness from being punched too much.
(In the SNES version, he's a torturer, not an interrogator. Celes actually fainted for no real reason here.)
"Whose footprints are these? ...Oh well, must be nothing."
"Daaaaaayum."
Huh. She didn't wet herself.
"But names aren't important on the battlefield."
Former general or not, she's freakin' hawt.
Cocke: "Don't you have an active camo system you can use or something?"
Problem solved, discussion over!
"...You check his pockets. I'm taking the risk that he's having a happy dream."
He's got a key to wind up a clock, but why would we need one? Anyway, he's probably gonna need it at some point. Let's leave the poor guy alone. He'll be in enough trouble as it is.
PARAGON +5
Yeah, Otacon's gonna have trouble walking alright.
"You wouldn't happen to have a webcam stripshow, would you? Because that rack is TOTALLY familiar."
We come back on the other side of the house and resist the temptation to shove the guy into the water.
PARAGON +55
LIGHT SIDE POINTS GAINED
Next stop, Narshe!
...Through the Figaro cave, of course.
"ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! "
METAL GEARRRRR!!!!!!
"...Well, I'll be fine, but you'll be a scorch mark on the wall!"
"You try using your stinger missile!"
Otacon (as she is temporarily [?] named) has magic like Bitch does, but she also has a unique ability called Runic.
It's kind of a magic reaction-ability.
If anybody - friend or foe - casts a spell after she's readied Runic...
...the spell hits her instead...
...and is absorbed into MP without dealing her any damage at all.
I bore of this fight!
Cocke: "Thanks, Otacon!"
Scenario over.
Your choices are:
-Bitch, Eunuch and Banon's short travel to Narshe.
-Bite me.
Choose wisely!
And just for the interactive element... feel free to vote on a name for Celes from the following:
-Kutan
-Whore
-Otacon
This is a tiebreaker. I, umm, forgot that I was gonna do this, so I'm gonna have to run through this all again (from Gau's naming to this... :stressed
and I'll rename her to one of these that you choose.
NO NEW NAMES WILL BE ACCEPTED AT THIS TIME.
Get crazy.
EDIT: OH GODDAMMIT I FORGOT KUTAN'S NAME AGAIN