No, Setheris, the reason this chapter was late had nothing to do with TV. Fuck, I don't even HAVE a TV in my room.
Red Alert 2 is not TV-related.
...Actually, I was studying, buying textbooks, and generally adjusting to life in res. I missed out on a freakin' party because of you guys and I hope you appreciate that. /bitter
Without further ado...
Are you a bad enough dude to save the little burning girl?!
Terra and Interceptor are up to the challenge, but...
Cocke has other things on his mind.
Of course, he also has a very short attention span.
And Silly is a very deep sleeper.
Huh.
Well, that's encouraging.
Too bad we're in an age where no firetrucks exist.
Sarda: "Kame... Hame..."
Sarda: "WATERGA!!!"
I don't recycle jokes.
Mayor: "Except for this lady here. Daaaaayum. *Black magic woman...*"
Sarda: "You think a little thing like laws can stop me? Well, physics thought the same thing! Now you're stuck with quantum mechanics, and it serves you right!"
*crumple*
Now is a time for action.
WATERGA!
*crumple further*
Mayor: "I say it's their fault."
Sarda: "If I'm not back in 10 minutes, get new watches!"
Sarda: "Solid Snake can suck it!"
I'm impressed that the building has maintained structural stability despite the walls being completely engulfed in flame.
I'm also impressed that every door in the building remains intact.
Yeah, so... there's fire walking around. Guess what happens when you touch it?
That's right. It tries to kill you.
Though I guess this is the perfect opportunity for a demonstration of Sarda's unique abilities.
They call it Lore in this game but it's actually Blue Magic. For the uninformed, blue magic is composed of monster techniques. If a monster uses an ability against a blue mage, the mage can use that same ability forever after. Assuming, of course, that they survive, and are of the correct mental state to observe the attack. Meaning, sleeping and confused is a no-go.
Naturally, the Wizard who Did It has the widest repertoire of spells. Some of them are pretty useful, too. Aqua Breath, for example, just took out all of those enemies at once. Hurray! We have an Attack-All ability now!
One long and boring dungeon later...
I thought Loli started it? Because she was on fire.
Or maybe it was the flame rods.
Because nobody said ANYTHING about a boss monster being at fault.
...I guess it's a pretty good theory though, seeing as how the boss can summon those little fire thingies.
Bite me, challenge level.
Anyway, I don't think I've actually shown you Terra's trance technique yet.
FF9 stole it, those cheap bastards.
...So, under normal circumstances, Trance is very useful because it gives you huge bonuses in magical attack and defense (thanks, whoever cleared that up by the way). It's just too bad that I'm fighting a fucking FIRE MONSTER and I only know one non-fire spell.
That sucked balls.
...The lightsaber is cooler anyway.
Problem solved. The fire should go out now.
...Shit. I thought it was some kind of Head Vampire type of thing.
Well, alright. We found Loli. Too bad we found her too late to prevent her from being mauled by a dog.
Oh well. Let's go back now.
LET'S GO BACK NOW.
*crumplify*
You know what? Screw it. It's your own fault.
And now the dog has to protect the unconscious people from magical fire. It would not be fun to bite them.
Luckily, the dog doesn't, because Silly the Ninja drops in to save the day!
Silly is super badass.
I have a question. Shouldn't he be unconscious from carbon monoxide?
And to make matters worse, he uses a smoke bomb to escape. I kid you not.
Later on...
Sarda and Loli are a common-law couple? Geez.
It went RIGHT over Cocke's head, which I guess is just better in the end because I'm sick of them talking and another dramabomb would just result in an hour of dialogue.
...So, if the War of the Magi was like World War 2, then this is the Village of Nazis. Wonderful.
HEY EVERYONE! SARDA IS A NAZI!!
I GUESS THAT'S WHY THERE IS NO RELIGION IN THIS WORLD, BECAUSE SARDA USED MAGIC TO GENOCIDE THEM
SARDA IS FUCKING HITLER HOLY SHIT
SARDA IS NOT COMING WITH US, I REFUSE TO LET HILTER JOIN MY PARTY
AND WHAT DOES THAT MAKE LOLI, NAZI YOUTH
My gawd. I'm so tired of conversation in this game.
I'm kinda tempted actually to just skip ahead to the last boss.
I wonder who he is? Do you know?
I bet it's Gestahl. He's a bit of a dick.
HEY, I KNOW, IT'S PROBABLY FUCKING FUHRER SARDA.
Geez. Whoever it is, I bet my party could totally take him. Or her.
Get the fuck on with it.
No you won't. We have a strict No-Fascist policy in our group. We're generally the good guys, you see.
See, we probably SHOULD take her, if only to save her from Herr Rapebeast over here.
...Is Sarda suggesting leaving a 6-year-old girl home alone for an indefinite amount of time?
I really don't like Sarda right now.
For those who care, I can summarize the plot at the end. This is just really boring.
It'll be a TL;DR. I mean, yeah, you could probably just read the screens, but I wouldn't make you do anything I wouldn't do myself.
Because honestly, too much text.
Okay, you know it's too much fucking dialogue when one of the characters gets up and leaves out of boredom.
I say we follow him. But are you sure we can't bring Loli along?
I can't believe Sarda actually considered leaving Loli home alone. Partly because she's not old enough to fend for herself, and partly because she apparently caught fire and already set a building ablaze.
So, TL;DR version: Sarda is thankful for the party saving Loli. Everyone in the village is descended from the Magi, who used magicite (like we are now) to get magic powers. People who didn't have magicite got pissed and started killing magi somehow. So they ran away and made a city where nobody could talk to them. And now the espers are on a mountain that's vaguely sacred or something, so we're going there Sarda wants Loli to stay home and mind the house.
Got it? Good.
Oh, right. With the saving.
Aww, bullshit.
So we'll have a 3-man party, and Loli isn't even joining us.
Because Sarda is a douche and won't let her.
Geez, Silly won't even let his dog stay there to keep her company.
Everyone in this world is a douchebag.
Especially this kid.