Well, gee, I can't resist vampire powers.
CHAPTER 27! Le Grande Finale!
Shut up, I don't speak french.
So, floating continent is gross. It's all gooey and stuff.
There are all these places where it looks like you can't get through, but when you reach it, a way past appears. It makes it REALLY hard to properly get around.
This fact is only made worse by the strength of the random encounters in the area. I'm not exaggerating when I say that a battle against a Behemoth was more difficult than the Ultros fight earlier.
Heh. Suggestive imagery.
Awwwwright!
And we get a prize to boot. Murasame? Sounds like a ninja sword!
...Aww.
Another staircase that wasn't there before. If I hadn't done this whole level already I'd probably be a little stuck right now.
A pointless staircase?
...OR A DEATHTRAP?!
...Or more suggestive imagery?
...Or a teleporter.
Or could it be all of the above?
After a long and confusing dungeon, we come to this point: Continue, or go back?
Only wusses run from here.
Also if you go back you have to do the entire goddamn thing again.
Well, it's too bad there's nothing else I can do here! I must've missed a turn!
-Me, the first time I did this level. I subsequently gave up.
Oh.
-Me, the second time I did this level.
A monster guarding the staircase? A dramatic set-up for...
A BOSS BATTLE!
Ultima Weapon? I have a sword with that name.
Neither does my sword.
So is my sword. I think.
It gets longer and does more damage when I have more health, so I think yeah.
AND SO BEGINS AN EPIC BOSS FIGHT.
So Shadow's been mostly useless for every random encounter so far.
But now I have an excuse to use his Throw command. And I came prepared.
NINJAS ARE SO BADASS
(A side note: Shurikens actually do about 3000+ damage per hit. They are SERIOUSLY useful.)
Ultima Weapon, meet Ultima Weapon!
Point!
Counterpoint!
Well, I guess today we learned which is the better Weapon.
...Has anyone ever found that fight hard? Seriously? Because I still won even when I wasn't overlevelled.
After the fight...
"Well, you sure earned it back after that fight! You must've taken out like half his health!"
...
Hey, you know what's worse than selling your skills to someone when you're a merc already? RUNNING THE FUCK AWAY IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT!
...Ass.
Ah, Kefka and Gestahl! Looking at those statues must be an important job. You haven't moved since I last saw you.
Kefka: "Heheh. Stone boobies."
Yes, we have arrived to...
AAAH HOLY SHIT
...Okay, go ahead and ignore us.
It's not like we're standing in front of you anyway.
What?! The Warring Triad is evolving!!
...Or not.
Emperor Gestahl eagerly accepts the random blue lights that are sent into him from the statues.
"Madness?
THIS. IS. SPARTAAAA!"
Silly isn't the only one with ninja stars... and Gestahl's are Laserbeam-powered!
From the picture, it may appear that Bitch threw Store out of the way in an act of altruism. In actuality, Store just jumped and didn't give a shit who got hit instead.
Bitch: "OW! What the fuck?!"
Hefner: "Agh! Stop doing that!"
Eunuch: "Ouch! Why didn't I dodge that when I clearly knew it was coming?!"
Store: "Phew, glad that wasn't me."
Store: "Ah, now I'm special! Because you fear me! Because I'm a threat!"
.......
Did he just give an imperial command to Store to... umm, get it on with Kefka?
Kefka: "It'll be worth it. I promise." *licks his lips*
Kefka cackles at the thought of doing it with someone conscious.
Kefka: "It's an invisible sword. The newest technology... and the deadliest, too."
"You, me, Kefka... and your little mutant clown-babies."
"And you know what else we would be better off without?"
"KEFKA'S BALLS!"
Eunuch: "Wow, Kefka! We're gonna be the best-o-friends now!"
Store: "Maybe... if I had been more accurate."
Eunuch: "...Oh."
Kefka: "What's the loss of one kidney? I've got two anyway!!"
Kefka tries to walk in between them.
Gods: "No."
*push*
Gods: "k"
Kefka: "I didn't get this far NOT to blow up reality!"
Gestahl: "It's... experimental anesthetic. It involves fire."
Best pre-mortem line ever.
AHAHA YOU'RE FUCKED NOW
...lolwut
OMFG U HAXX0R
Kefka: "Deus Ex Machina!!" *midi laughter*
Gods: "k"
*Gods roll d20.
*Gods roll a 1.
Gods: "k"
*Gods roll a 10.
Gestahl: "What? Me? Well, no harm in doing so..."
In another universe, Gestahl may have earned a Darwin Award.
But of course Darwin never existed in this one.
Gestahl: "Concise... imperial... dictionary... hits stores... monday!" *dies*
"Silly bitch, don't you know who the fuck I am?!"
Silly: "Sorry? Did you say something?"
Kefka: "No, disregard that."
Kefka begins to move the statues. He does not realized that clowns are not built for moving things. They are built for making jokes and acting extraordinarily silly. Thus, the statue moves slowly and Kefka is hilariously out of breath by the end.
Kefka proceeds to move them into as ludicrous an order as possible.
I still don't get why these goddamn statues actually give people power.
Let's defile them next chance we get.
Kefka: "Great success!"
Kefka:
"Just what I need to see! Ninjas!"
Ninjas ARE built for pushing things. Usually shurikens. Statues work too, however.
*crunch*
Yaay!
5200 exp gained.
420 gil gained.
6 AP gained.
Bitch learned Esuna!
Hefner learned Bio!
...Oh. Right, the statues.
"Get to the CHOPPAH!"
And a little bit of blue laser magic stuff hits the floating continent itself...
"A timer? Why the hell do we need a timer?"
And then shit hit the fan.
A quick run through exploding terrain and a 2 round boss battle later...
We can't leave Silly behind! I mean, sure, he's left US behind... at least twice...
And maybe he's taking a really long time... But I'm sure it'll be worth it in the end!
Ahaha! Priceless. Now, let's all get drunk and play ping-pong!
Silly: "Amen to that!"
What? But Silly stayed behind to fix it... right?
HOLY FUCK SILLY YOU DOUCHEBAG
And destruction rains from the heavens.
...Goddammit, Silly...