On the last episode of
All My Post-apocalyptic Survivors...
Store and creepy suit man Cid decided to begin a family together and try to wait out the end of the world. Let's see how that turns out.
Ah, food. An important part of a good common-law partnership.
I'm pretty sure someone could use this as the opening for a porno somewhere.
Wrong answer.
Cid: I've got some fish for ya right here...
Store: Oh, no, I'd better get some fresh stuff anyway.
Cid: ...
Cid: I don't think you get my meaning.
Cid: Hey! Wait! Come back!
And so begins the next minigame! The way it works is that different kinds of fish swim around in the water. You press A to catch it. If it's faster, it's healthier. When you catch one...
...Cid hogs it all to himself.
He then makes a vague comment as to the condition of his illness.
Rinse. Repeat.
Yawn. If you don't know what you're doing - and in fact, the game never TELLS you that the kind of fish you get has an impact on his health - then you could be stuck here for a long, long time healing him and hurting him.
A little shortcut, though... every time you talk to him, his health deteriorates. And if you don't care about his survival (Thanks for the votes, by the way!) then you can literally talk him to death to skip the entire retarded minigame.
Screw you, Cid. Do you really think I'd still be here if I had the opportunity to leave?
We're on a fucking desert island. And if I could have chosen to be trapped here with anyone, I probably would've picked like... Steve Carrell or something. I mean, at least he's entertaining to be around.
Store: "Oh, don't worry! Some more fish will make everything all better!"
*Store notices a bird.*
Store: Why hello there, my new friend!
-2 hours later-
Store: ...
Store: I brought you some chicken... Thought you might be getting tired of fish...
Take a SAN check, Store.
SAN check failed.
She shoots lasers from her eyeballs in fury and then storms off to do the one thing required of any Final Fantasy protagonist:
Emo the fuck out.
Geez, it's like when Aerith
died. Or when Rinoa
went into a coma. Or when Zidane
learned that he was related to Kuja.
Store: I feel like there's something I'm doing wrong... Oh, yeah!
Store: *checks for razor blade* Dammit, fresh out.
Any other options...?
Hmm!
Store: Goodbye, cruel world!
This is getting boring.
*push*
*furious eyebeams*
Ahahaha. Tragic.
...
Store couldn't even commit suicide. That's like failing at failing.
...Also, kind of anticlimactic.
Hey, it's another bird!
Birds can cast Raise.
...
...Infinite Ammo.
Store: I hear it's pretty cold in Alaska.
Store: I don't think I'll ever be able to beat MGS4 at this rate, so you may as well tell me now.
And the bird flies away.
Store: Shit...
That could seriously have been anyone's bandana.
Hell, it may not have even BEEN a bandana.
Regardless...
Store: Hey! Cid! Guess what I just realized!
Store: Oh. Right.
Apparently he managed to write a letter to Store from beyond the grave, though.
Stairs? Down by the stove? He wasn't just trying to hide something from us, was he?
Oh, that SELFISH, MANIPULATIVE BASTARD!!!
I can't help but think we'll come back to the island at some point and there will be nothing left on the bed but a rotting corpse or a skeleton because Store didn't do a thing about Cid's remains.
Sure enough, there's land elsewhere, and Store bumps into it with the raft.
Right next to a town. Hurray!
This statement pretty much summarizes what people have to say in this town. This is, in fact, Albrook, the Occupied City. However, it is no longer occupied. More... oppressed. Mostly thanks to the fact that they're right next to Kefka's Tower. Geez, Albrook never gets a break. Keep in mind, though, that Kefka now has the power apparently to reshape the planet itself (much of the landmass is in a different place), as well as use the Light of Judgment (I assume he becomes some kind of KillSat) on anyone who speaks ill of him. So now nobody has a break.
Other stuff in the town:
Hints that we may run into Chuck Norris at some point on our journey? The best is yet to come!
Heh... yeah. Before we killed all the imperial soldiers and most of the women by accident.
...This gives me an idea.
Goddammit. No stairs.
Oh well, on to the next town.
Geez, what a dump... who'd want to live in a place like that?
Just past it is the town of Tzen. There is now a desert next to it that wasn't there before.
Also, an explosion or something occurs when you enter.
Fucker's breaking the house!
Store: We'll talk about this later, young man!
All the treasures in your house are safe with me, too!
Well, it's not my fault you broke their damn house down.
Geez.
Therefore everyone else must be alive too by extension! Yay for optimism!
...And then we kick that god-clown's overly makeup'd ass!
But first we have to make AHNULD pay for house repairs.