I WANNA BE THE GUY: THE MOVIE: THE GAME: THE PICTURE BOOK: THE GHOSTS AND THE GHOULIES
As mentioned before, we're now onto a very, very hard section of I Wanna Be The Guy. So hard , in fact, that it has
never been completed. Not even by people who have finished the entire game.
I really wasn't looking forwards to it.
Fittingly enough, it's themed after Ghosts n' Goblins/Ghouls n' Ghosts, which were infamous for their difficulty.
On the plus side, if you can get through here, nothing in the game should stop you! If you can't, well...
TIME TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD!
Getting out of the Zelda cave brings us to this lovely rustic setting. Although you can not hear it, there is music. Spooky music. That is because this place is spooky. That is why it does not have happy music. For it is not a happy place.
It eats happiness.
As proof of this, you can see the Moon up there, recovering its strength.
I assume this stage craps bones or ghosts.
A key point to keep in mind with I Wanna Be The Guy is it
does not like you. The ground itself will shift to screw you over here.
Not to mention the ghoulish hands that come out of trees.
They'll kill you, you know.
Since they bob up and down, you can just run under them. I suppose you could just jump over them, if you were some sort of wuss, but you won't always have that option, so you might as well suck it up and get used to it.
Ah, the legendary WORST ROOM IN THE ENTIRE FRICKING GAME.
This is no understatement.
You can see that corridor lined with spikes at the bottom? That is what will kill you, over and over again.
It is not a happy corridor.
You see, while it does not move at first, once you enter it, it will start moving up and down.
And it will go faster the further along you are.
I do not believe these pictures can adequately describe just why this corridor is so bad. Allow me to describe more thoroughly what will slowly turn your heart into a twisted, black, shriveled lump. I have heard it generally takes people a few hundred attempts to get through. I believe I lucked out and it may have been as low as sixty for me this time.
It starts as such a simple thing. All you have to do is run under that first spike and jump over the first bottom one. You do have to be careful you don't jump to late, or you may bump into the very edge of the spike where it emerges from the ground and make The Kid explode into a messy spray of organs. It is easier to do than you might think.
This causes the spikes to start moving. It starts with them moving downwards, making it easier for you to jump over that row of two spikes. However, once past them it speeds up. The top and bottom rows of spikes are also slightly out of synch, which may complicate things slightly for you. For the next section, you need to jump over the spike while it is retracting, then pause for a second and run forwards again as the top spike moves out of the way. If you're a little off, you'll die, either from running into the spike in front of you or the spike behind coming up and stabbing you. At the merest contact, all the Kid's blood will fragile little body and there'll be blood and guts everywhere and he'll die and you'll have to start over. And then you get to come back and die again. Yes, that's right.
Die. Die die die die die.
Finally you position yourself in the less than generous space between the last two spikes. Of course, as they're still partially retracted at this point, you have to be very precise, or the rising edge will get you like a landshark. The speed these things are moving at now is mind boggling. They're almost as fast as your jump.
The things are chompnig up and down like horrible teeth and you have to work out how to get through that. The time has to be right on, or else you'll hit a spike that's in the wrong position and die. It's just ridiculous that they expect you to get through this thing! Just trying to time a jump as practice is nerve wracking. And then you try it and The Kid pops like a water balloon that's been stabbed with a needle except instead of being full of water he's full of
blood and there's
blood everywhere with his little head flying off like a popped cork and why can't I just shoot it? I want to kill it with bullets! BULLETS! Die spike corridor die! I hate you! You and your ups and downs and your fancy spikes. Your spikes are worthless. This corridor is a travesty. This place is hateful.
Blood. This place. I hate it. This place. Hate it. This place. Hateful. This place. Disappear!
HATE.
That tombstone at the end falls over and crushes you as well.
I should also add that this is the first tombstone that will do that.
Although the worst is over, they added a save point after the spike corridor.
Interestingly bats can't kill you. What they
can do is push you off plaforms and into spikes or fruit or tombstones or creepy hands.
Oddly, there's no creepy hand in that there tree.
And after the bat, nothing else pops out to kill you!
This section is also annoying, in its own special way.
This is also the first place we've seen zombies. The problem is they just keep spawning, more and more burrowing out of their cold graves. And 'killing' one only makes it burrow again. They tend to occaisonally bury and re-emerge somewhere else too.
I have to warn you, those moving platforms seem to be a bit buggy - you're likely to fall off if you move too close to the edge. And 'too close' is quite vaguely defined!
Oh, and look at the Moon.
Also, there is a love of cruelty here.
Now, the best way to not die involves not jumping off the platform. Instead, you move subtly from side to side. Complicated, as I said, by the platform being buggy.
RARGH! FLARGLE!
Let's have a quick refresher on everything that tried to kill you crossing to this side.
Of course, if you die after you've saved halfway, everything comes back. This makes crossing the top... interesting.
At the end of all the DANGERNESS! That last cluster of three Delicious Fruits shoots sideways by the way.
Hmm, so all I have to do is get through the zombies? And climb the platforms while avoiding the spikes?
Yes, that's all you have to do! That doesn't stop it being painful.
ESPECIALLY THIS BIT!
In particular, that last jump. Tight clearances.
Remember: the ground hates you, moving to screw you over!
SAFE!
Hmm, a small corridor filled with zombies where you can't jump and if you're not careful will kill yourself jumping out? Could it get any worse?
You've gotta hand it to IWBTG, it
knows what could be worse.
Safely through the spikes of annoyance and tree and zombies.
NOOO! DAMN YOU MOON!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
What mysteries will we find in the Moon's deadly trap?
FIND OUT IN THE NEXT EXCITING UPDATE OF I WANNA - WAIT!
Bonus Power-Up Content!
There's actually another power-up hidden away in this stage as well. Let's take a look.
A pistol grip!
My, won't
that be fun getting to?
Eh, it's a living.