Oh, ummm..... hi. Right. This thread.
...Yeah. Shit.
Sorry it's been a week since the last update. I have no good excuses that I feel comfortable sharing, so.... DISTRACTION TIME!
~Chapter 29~
Quick recap summary because we hit a plot decision.
-The world ended. It's Kefka's fault, and to a lesser extent, Silly's.
-Store and Cid survived and lived alone in a house in the middle of the ocean.
-Cid died.
-Store tried to kill herself, but then decided to be a love-starved twit again and go find Cocke.
-Store found a raft Cid had been hiding in the basement for no good reason.
-Store went across the sea to a good-sized landmass where she found Ahnuld randomly.
-Store saved a baby from certain doom.
-Store and Ahnuld decided to kill Kefka to distract them from the fact that their world is in ruins.
And now on to the next thingy.
I really hate when people say this. It's their perfect way of screwing you over. It suggests that 1) they won't even TRY to repay you and 2) you, being the hero, of course won't care because you're a nice person and all that. It's a one-two punch of greed and conscience.
Of course, we aren't under any obligation to help these people ever again, and knowing what we know now, we never will.
Let's see what information we can wrest from their greedy little minds though before we go, right?
Mobliz.... Mobliz... Doesn't really ring a bell.
A monster, you say? I guess that's a good enough reason to go.
And I guess if Mobliz sucks as much as it sounds we can just head to Nikeah instead. There was a prostitute there last time. This trip may not be a TOTAL loss.
...Wow. What a dump.
Hey! It's Interceptor and some kind of Interceptor clone!
...Or maybe they're BOTH clones. We'll never know the truth, I guess.
The plot thickens.
Hey, wait... I remember this place, kinda.
There were these two teenagers up there who never said anything when you talked to them. Just stared and said "...".
Oh, and wasn't there...?
Heh! Yeah, that one guy who wanted me to do a whole bunch of crap for him and I never did? I bet he killed himself from loneliness. Serves him right, lazy bastard.
Better follow that one kid, I guess.
Well, yeah, technically.
But so can Cocke.
Technically.
Hey! Another coincidental meeting with a party member! Sweet. Now all 3 of us can go take down that omnicidal jerkass!
...Mama?
......She's pregnant or something?
Also, REVENGE!
Bitch loses interest and walks off.
Store: "Yeah, I know. You unequipped all of your stuff before falling off the Blackjack. I'm keeping Ultima Weapon, but if you want you can have this Blood Sword I found."
Really? Because it looks to me like they just kinda fell down. The kids would have been fine regardless of whether they had been there or not.
Hey, it's that one bastard teenager!
We're taking her and there's nothing you can do about it, dickweed. You don't like it, go write about it on your LiveJournal.
Magic powers?
Didn't Ganon's Castle work that way too a few times? Because I'm pretty sure it has NEVER worked out in the end.
"There are so many bad things happening to them... and yet, I can't laugh about it! I must have burst my funny valve!"
That's not compassion. That's a tapeworm.
Ask your doctor about it.
Ah! So it's like a finger-trap, then! The trick is to do the opposite. Maybe look for a question, instead? Then you'll get your strength back.
Of course, a sharp object helps too. The sword offer still stands.
...No response.
Ahahaha! Tragic.
Let's head to Nikeah.
Oh, right. The monster.
Okay, so the party has to beat Humbaba now? Easy peasy.
....Or just one unarmed, unarmoured Bitch.
Foregone conclusion.
Serves her right, I guess.
Now let's show Bitch how it's SUPPOSED to be done.
First, you hit them with your strongest weapon. It helps to do more than 0 damage.
Then you hit them with your offhand weapon.
And then sometimes you hit them with your offhand weapon's secondary frost damage characteristic for a bit of extra bite.
That wasn't so hard now, was it?
Ahnuld can help too sometimes.
Humbaba runs off in fear.
And THAT is how you handle ancient horrors.
SWORDS, Bitch! Swords!
It REALLY helps to have a weapon equipped when you go up alone against an elder god!
Frankly, you're going to be even less of a help to the children because you won't accept any help.
Gah. Useless.
Neat, a consolation prize.
Still, it would be cool if we ACTUALLY GOT A PARTY MEMBER.
What a stupid fucking town.
Here's where the party's at. Pun intended.
Oh, hey! ...You! I.... uh, I totally remember you! Yeah.
Bet you it's useless information.
....
"HEY GUYS! Did you know that there are ESPERS in this game? And if you find them you can USE THEM?"
Press B to run, asshole.
Heh. I remember those guys. I also remember one falling to his death comically way back when the world wasn't blown up.
...Really? Figaro buried underground and couldn't get back up? Oh wow. If I didn't totally call this I should have.
Now, on to business.
...It's going to be hard to get a lap dance with all these convicts around.
"He's got almost Edward Elric looks... Squeeeeee!"
Uh oh. I'm being tailed by a horde of robbers and pickpockets. Act casual.
...And they walk past. I guess they WEREN'T following me.
Right. The boat. So I guess there's no chance of this thing taking me to the next section of the game? Damn.
Oh well. May as well backtra-
...Wait a second. Isn't that...?
Oh, I see. Simple case of mistaken identity. This is not the man we're looking for. This man clearly has balls.
...Still, he looks gullible enough to let us sneak onto his ship unnoticed...
Awesome.
At last, free of that useless continent!
I find it impressive that everyone managed to stay hidden. The party kind of stands out, what with the utter lack of eyepatches.
Also, it appears that South Figaro has abandoned their previous defensive plan. That one obstructive fellow has long since deserted.
South Figaro Cave... this must be where the convicts went. But there's some dude blocking my way.
Vile monsters? Pfffft! Nothing we can't handle, right?
...Right?
Oh I'm sure it's nothing.
AHHHHH OH GOD RUN
Thank goodness for that recovery spring. Too bad there seems to be a lineup this time.
Gerad: "Also completely useless. I should have you killed for wasting our time. Everyone else, hurry up and get in that entrance there. Be sure to step on the turtle as you go."
Holy shit. What a badass.
COMPLETELY different from that wuss Eunuch.
And Siegfried follows them on his neverending quest for souls. Or redemption, depending on which Soul Calibur you played.
I wonder if the bandits came through here.
Oh wow. Look at that Gerad... checking the pulses of all the people lying around! I bet he's just seeing if they're alive so he can sell them on the slave market. Or maybe he's going to suck out their blood and sell THAT! What a magnificent bastard!
I'm following him. At the very least he'll make a competent boss battle.
Oh, right. The engine's broken. Maybe we can fix that too while we're here.
"This is the worst tentacle-related incident I've seen since Legend of the Overfiend. And that's not an experience I'd like to repeat."
Oh man! A heroic last stand! SO badass!
....
.........
....wut
This monster fight is ludicrous, easy...
...and maybe a little suggestive.
That wasn't so bad.
Dude, it doesn't matter. You're not as cool anymore now that you're not Gerad.
...I dunno... 3's a crowd, and it's a crowd I'm not certain I'd like to share with Eunuch. Gerad, on the other hand...
Okay, Figaro is restored to normal! I give it like 3 days tops before Kefka decides to light it on fire in revenge for the "barbeque" incident way back when.
I guess that means we have just that much time to KICK HIS ASS. *guitar solo*
Also, if anyone wants me to change Eunuch's name to Gerad by any chance, I could always try to cheat in a Rename Card.... >:3
And as a closing note...
how did I miss the second half of this on my first readthrough of the archives?!