comedy subtopic

Dac · 05-25-2004, 08:31 AM

what are some of the funniest jokes you guys ever heard i mean some of you has to have a sense of humour.

Martyr · 05-25-2004, 08:58 AM

So...
These two guys walk into a bar and one says, "ouch!"

Also, if you're tlaking to an experienced crowd:

Three guys, lesbians, two Poles (Polish), a priest, a rabbi, etc...

But the walking into a bar and saying "ouch" is priceless to me.

For the misinformed, it was a metal bar. You'd probably say "ouch" too.

Jack of Spades · 05-25-2004, 10:31 AM

Well my sig.

Nick Swardson has a good joke about how we'll sound telling our grandkids about games we played.
Grandpa:When I was a kid we had a game with a yellow circle...and it ate dots and fruit, then it was chased by ghosts!
Kid: Kid yeah that's great...
Grandpa: And there was another game with a monkey...he threw barrels at you! and you had to jump over them or they'd hurt!
Kid: Okay I'm gonna go to the mall now.
Grandpa: Wait! Come Back! I didn't tell you about the frog who tries to cross the street!

Lewis Black is funny
There is a medical term called an aneurism...it's when a blood vessel bursts in your brain for no apparent reason...There's reason! It's when you're at he mall with some friends and the person behind you says the dumbest thing you've ever heard "If it weren't for my horse I wouldn't have spent that year in college." and those words go in your ear!...You start thinking about it every day If it weren't for my horse,If it weren't for my horse. Draving to work "If it weren't for my horseIf it weren't for my horse" Eating dinner "If it weren't for my horseIf it weren't for my horse" Finnaly after three weeks they find you dead in your bathtub bleeding out your ears!!

videogamerz2000 · 05-25-2004, 10:43 AM

A preist and a nun are out playing golf.
The preist winds up, swings and misses. He yells "Shit! I missed!".
The nun turns to him. "Preist! Please watch mouth!" The preist says sorry.
The next hole, the preist winds up, misses and yells "Shit! I missed!'
The nun turns again. "Preist! Please!" The preist says sorry again.
A few holes later, the preist winds up, misses and yells "Shit! I missed!"
The nun, irritated, says "Preist, if you don't stop swearing, God will rain his wrath on you." the preist says sorry and goes on.
The next hole, the preist winds up, and missed. "Shit! I missed!" Suddenly, the clouds blacken and a bolt of lightning strikes the nun. A booming voice echoes "Shit! I missed!"

Dac · 05-25-2004, 12:23 PM

aww those are great..how bout this one
what is brown and sticky? a stick

a man went into a bar and asked the bartender for a beer. the bartender replies "That's 1 cent." so the man was overjoyed at how cheap the beer was so he decided to order something to eat so he orders steak,fries..the works.The bartender calmly replies "That will be a bit expensive, total cost 4 cents."Now the man was getting suspicious so he tells the bartender" I want to speak to your manager"Which the bartender replies "He's upstairs with my wife".The man asks"what's he doing upstairs with your wife?"The bartender replies "The samething I'm doing to his business!"

slightly aboveaverage man · 05-25-2004, 12:38 PM

How do you make a one-armed Retard fall out of a tree?

Wave to him.

The_Bear · 05-25-2004, 06:24 PM

What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red Paint

Did anyone see "Last Comic Standing". The stuff on that show was hilarious. For those of you who didn't catch it, here are some good jokes I rememeber.

Ralphie: She was so skinny, they faxed her to the hospital.

Dave: Me and my dad got a bus and took out all the seats and turned it into a camper. You would think he would've got a normal bus, but no, he had to get a deal on a short bus. Now we look like special campers.

Dat: My mom made the hottest meals ever. I would ask, "What's for dinner?" "LAVA!"

Cory: My dad apotped one of those foriegn kids that you send money to everyone month. I hate her. My dad alwasy said, "Why are you not happy? Shusumba's happy. Shusumba built an irrigation ditch for her village today, what the heck did you do?"

Stover · 05-25-2004, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dac

aww those are great..how bout this one
what is brown and sticky? a stick

You stole my joke. Bastard.

Either way, two sausages were sitting in a pan. One turns to the other and says: "Damn, it's hot in here." And the other one says "Ah! Its a talking sausage!"

AndyBloodredMage · 05-25-2004, 08:19 PM

This is a religious joke, but my jewish friend told me, so it's okay.

Two jewish people are walking down a street, and notice a catholic church. Outside the church is a sign that says "Get converted today and receive $1000!"
J1(jewishman 1)- Wow, this sounds almost too good to be true. But do we really want to abandon our faith for a thousand dollars?
J2- How about this, I'll go try it out and get the thousand and see if they pay. God will forgive me if it saves some others.

Finally, J2 returns. J1, glad to see his companion, inquires as to whether or not he got the funds. J2 replies...
J2- You goddamn greedy jews! All you ever think about is money! May you burn forever in eternal hellfire!

slightly aboveaverage man · 05-25-2004, 08:20 PM

What's black, white and red all over?

A nun falling down the stairs.

05-25-2004, 08:31 AM	#1
Dac pilot of the brigandier Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: in and around my mind Posts: 213	comedy subtopic what are some of the funniest jokes you guys ever heard i mean some of you has to have a sense of humour. __________________ :bmage: a victim a day keeps the doctor away(and me sane) :fighter: ...and that red mage is how sword-chucks will revolutionize the pie industry. :rmage: wow talk about a stat boost in intelligence :bmage: i think i should 'up' the medication

05-25-2004, 08:58 AM	#2
Martyr Whatever Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Around. Here, there... Posts: 838	So... These two guys walk into a bar and one says, "ouch!" Also, if you're tlaking to an experienced crowd: Three guys, lesbians, two Poles (Polish), a priest, a rabbi, etc... But the walking into a bar and saying "ouch" is priceless to me. For the misinformed, it was a metal bar. You'd probably say "ouch" too. __________________ Behold the Nightmare

05-25-2004, 10:31 AM	#3
Jack of Spades Lady Luck is on my side. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The winning hand. Posts: 818	Well my sig. Nick Swardson has a good joke about how we'll sound telling our grandkids about games we played. Grandpa:When I was a kid we had a game with a yellow circle...and it ate dots and fruit, then it was chased by ghosts! Kid: Kid yeah that's great... Grandpa: And there was another game with a monkey...he threw barrels at you! and you had to jump over them or they'd hurt! Kid: Okay I'm gonna go to the mall now. Grandpa: Wait! Come Back! I didn't tell you about the frog who tries to cross the street! Lewis Black is funny There is a medical term called an aneurism...it's when a blood vessel bursts in your brain for no apparent reason...There's reason! It's when you're at he mall with some friends and the person behind you says the dumbest thing you've ever heard "If it weren't for my horse I wouldn't have spent that year in college." and those words go in your ear!...You start thinking about it every day If it weren't for my horse,If it weren't for my horse. Draving to work "If it weren't for my horseIf it weren't for my horse" Eating dinner "If it weren't for my horseIf it weren't for my horse" Finnaly after three weeks they find you dead in your bathtub bleeding out your ears!! __________________ Imagine...In a world with no stupid people you would never hear: "I wanna see some noise!" "How do I call the cops?" "What die do I use again?"

05-25-2004, 10:43 AM	#4
videogamerz2000 The Thunder Dragoon Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Next door Posts: 1,253	A preist and a nun are out playing golf. The preist winds up, swings and misses. He yells "Shit! I missed!". The nun turns to him. "Preist! Please watch mouth!" The preist says sorry. The next hole, the preist winds up, misses and yells "Shit! I missed!' The nun turns again. "Preist! Please!" The preist says sorry again. A few holes later, the preist winds up, misses and yells "Shit! I missed!" The nun, irritated, says "Preist, if you don't stop swearing, God will rain his wrath on you." the preist says sorry and goes on. The next hole, the preist winds up, and missed. "Shit! I missed!" Suddenly, the clouds blacken and a bolt of lightning strikes the nun. A booming voice echoes "Shit! I missed!" __________________ Thunder Dragoon _______________________________ If I had a nickel for everytime I got drunk with, I would have a very effective nickel sock. To beat people with.

05-25-2004, 12:23 PM	#5
Dac pilot of the brigandier Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: in and around my mind Posts: 213	aww those are great..how bout this one what is brown and sticky? a stick a man went into a bar and asked the bartender for a beer. the bartender replies "That's 1 cent." so the man was overjoyed at how cheap the beer was so he decided to order something to eat so he orders steak,fries..the works.The bartender calmly replies "That will be a bit expensive, total cost 4 cents."Now the man was getting suspicious so he tells the bartender" I want to speak to your manager"Which the bartender replies "He's upstairs with my wife".The man asks"what's he doing upstairs with your wife?"The bartender replies "The samething I'm doing to his business!" __________________ :bmage: a victim a day keeps the doctor away(and me sane) :fighter: ...and that red mage is how sword-chucks will revolutionize the pie industry. :rmage: wow talk about a stat boost in intelligence :bmage: i think i should 'up' the medication

05-25-2004, 12:38 PM	#6
slightly aboveaverage man Trudeau Maniac Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Cyberspace Posts: 4,253	How do you make a one-armed Retard fall out of a tree? Wave to him. __________________ Comics! Coffee! Videos! All at WWW.Ultima-Java.com If you're not there you'd better be dead, or in jail! And if you're in jail... BREAK OUT! Visit this Sunday SUNDAY Sunday and saturday.

05-25-2004, 06:24 PM	#7
The_Bear Using the same avatar since 2003 Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Nobody reads this line. Posts: 759	What's red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint Did anyone see "Last Comic Standing". The stuff on that show was hilarious. For those of you who didn't catch it, here are some good jokes I rememeber. Ralphie: She was so skinny, they faxed her to the hospital. Dave: Me and my dad got a bus and took out all the seats and turned it into a camper. You would think he would've got a normal bus, but no, he had to get a deal on a short bus. Now we look like special campers. Dat: My mom made the hottest meals ever. I would ask, "What's for dinner?" "LAVA!" Cory: My dad apotped one of those foriegn kids that you send money to everyone month. I hate her. My dad alwasy said, "Why are you not happy? Shusumba's happy. Shusumba built an irrigation ditch for her village today, what the heck did you do?" __________________ Why yes, I am tehmazing. Thank you for noticing.

05-25-2004, 08:20 PM	#10
slightly aboveaverage man Trudeau Maniac Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Cyberspace Posts: 4,253	What's black, white and red all over? A nun falling down the stairs. __________________ Comics! Coffee! Videos! All at WWW.Ultima-Java.com If you're not there you'd better be dead, or in jail! And if you're in jail... BREAK OUT! Visit this Sunday SUNDAY Sunday and saturday.