NPF Avatars 5 - Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey

[POS Industries]

Watching as the hyperlink portal fizzled to a close behind Pedro, the holographic avatar of Doug Doukhobor found himself alone in the darkened control room. A moment passed as he thought for a moment before turning to address a presence unseen on this end of the projection.

"How is construction coming on the new units?"

The room was silent as he listened to the report.

"Good, good... Ready the main one. We'll be sending it in soon. Be sure to let our friend in the field know that the next stage is about to commence. We don't want things going off all uncoordinated..."

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"We are done with being completely batshit insane."

"Grand," Pedro said, eyeing the Arhras skeptically, "I'll just be sure to let my voice carry so the others might overhear. Long story short, Doukhobor's hacked into the system that's creating the battle environments to..."

As Pedro filled everyone in on the situation via his gift for overly-verbose, long-winded exposition, the hologram of Rei was vainly trying to translate Spider-Bear's frenzied roars, growls, and paw gestures as it attempted to explain what he and IC had encountered way back down the hallways.

"You, uh, fought a big, er, thing that was... Wait, what? When did it start doing the cabbage patch?! Oh, IC was doing the cabbage patch. No?"

Sadly, the bridge to communication and understanding 'twixt bear and AI would never be reached as a man came bursting through the wall, despite the fact that the doorway to the workshop was only a couple feet to the right.

"OH YEAH!"

His dead-on impression of Kool-Aid man complete, 2006 Raiden took a moment to brush off the splintered wood, plaster, and gumdrops that naturally covered his head and shoulders from his grand entrance. Properly tended to, he returned his attention to the NPFers.

"Well, hey guys! Sorry I'm late, but I had to block off a massive flood of seawater, which shouldn't really be on the third floor of the Mashirosen tower or Santa's Castle. By the way, how did we end up here? I'm guessing it's Pyros' fault..."

At that moment, two streams of webbing flew rapidly through the air at Raiden, only to be caught by the thunder god as he yanked Spider-Bear toward him. As the bear made its best effort to stop its forward momentum, Raiden lunged forward and landed a punch right in the bear's underbelly, sending it hurtling directly toward Pedro and the three Arhras.

"As I was saying, he continued, "I have a couple questions for all of you before I'm forced to, you know, kill you. First, what happened to the Kurosen and Mashirosen? I mean, I had the Kurosen right in my hand a few minutes ago, and then all this weirdness started and it was gone. Secondly, I want IC to give me that bracelet of his."

Raiden stopped to think a moment as the room shook mildly from the vibrations of what could only be assumed was a massive demon-prinny of doom slamming a rakshasa through about three walls.

"Well, I guess the second one wasn't actually a question."

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Rei was enjoying her new machine gun. Floating her way up the elevator shaft, the android was having an absolutely wonderful time tearing through the occasional robotrooper in the group's path with armor piercing slugs. It really is just an oddly fulfilling sensation. She was so into it that she was actually quite visibly jarred as someone directly next to her ear greeted her.

"Hello, my little flower," a strangely generic European voice said passionately, perhaps of some Spanish or French background, "Do you suffer from seasonal allergies?"

Turning to face the voice, Rei was greeted with a most horrific sight:



"Uh, hi," she responded to the large anthropomorphic bee, "I, uh, I don't think I'm capable of being allergic to anything, actually..."

A look of shock washed over the bee's face, a tear welling in its eye for a moment before lashing out, "You.... You're rejecting my gift of nasal allergy relief? After everything we've shared? How... How dare you?!"

"Shared...? But I just got here--"

"I cannot bear to be without you, my flower... My sting will take us both from this harsh mortal coil! We will be together, you and I and Nasonex, forever!"

A three-inch long stinger extended from the creature's abdomen as it thrusted toward Rei's neck, at which moment several more identical creatures dropped down from above next to the other NPFers.

"Hello, my flower!"

"What's a beautiful allergy sufferer like you doing in an elevator shaft like this?"

"Did you know that three million seasonal allergy sufferers chose Nasonex last year?"

"Is that a stinger in your abdomen, or are you just happy to see me?"

More bees came, a whole swarm descending upon the group, hitting on and being summarily enraged by the slightest hint of rejection. Only one question came to mind in this whole scene: How could a bee use any sort of nasal spray, given that they don't have noses?

[PyrosNine]

Pyros, although Not Pyros, did as Pyros would normally do, and proceeded to steal Raiden's proverbial thrunder by swooping over him and landing before the group, sword drawn.

"It seems that my warning of an impending dimensional collapse is unnecessary for the most part, though my presence will not be unneeded. If we have not met before, you may call me Pyros. I would like to talk with you on these manners, but first..."

Pyros turned around, his hair shimmering and his wings folding up and seemingly disappearing.

"Did I not hear a threat of death, from you, strange one? I do not care what dimension I am in, I do not allow someone to terrorize others, even if he looks like someone I respect from my past. Now be off, or we shall be at severe physical contest."

***

It was at this time, a mewling kitty that was not Sub-Pyros emerged from a pile of candy, having eaten his way out. Of course, he had essentially eaten a large amount of what had been apart of his own body in an act of self-cannibalism, but then again that only added to the candies' restorative properties.

Pyroskitty looked around.

"If it's one thing everyone's needs to hide, it's themselves and their damned monkey. FRIGGIN' NUDIST CARP WRANGLERS!"

****

Ecurt was a tad annoyed. He personally used Allegra, and even something that started with a C, but he never in the history of his life (except a few moment of weakness) used Nasonex. And it just ired him to see some smug, self satisified bee with a hokey spanish lover accent tell him he needed to buy something on TV.

Even worse, when it was in real life and there was a threat of both a painful stabbing and poisoning thereafter.

In a moment of disgust and self empowerment, Ecurt smashed his camera over the head of the nearest Bee, dropping it to the ground. It didn't help the camera's current state, but it sure did make him feel better.

"Nasonex is for nose dripping pussies!" He said, lording over the fallen bee's body, while raising the ire of the bee squadron.

Sensing his bravado had taken him too far, he ran away and dove behind his plushies.

Sticking the Camera on Galcius's head (Plushie Pyros twitched too much), he gave the commands.

"Okay, you guys off break?"

"Yes."
"I'm still on break, but bees ruin my picnic all the time! Which is why, I use a lighter and Axe(tm) body spray! A Lighter and Axe(tm) body spray (tm), kills things with fire!"

"Good. Hold off those bees while I cook something up."

"You're going to make us a new brother or sister? Don't you need to do the mommy daddy dance first?"

"Shut up."

[Melfice]

Melfice was very much annoyed by the bees.
He had been poisoned once of twice in the past, and had built up some resistance to venoms and poisons, but still... a giant stinger in one's arm did not look very promising.

"Indori, anything you can do for me here?"
"Besides a normal body armour, no. And you know armour has openings, but it's better than nothing, non?"
"What did I say about accents? Anyways, proceed with the armour. It will do. But don't make it heavy, you do remember we're meters up in a liftshaft."
Yes, sir!

Indori shaped himself into some armour. And grand it was.
While there were still openings between the individual pieces, and around the joints, most of the armour was overlapping, creating as little room for the stingers to maneuver through.

Of course, depending on the material of the stingers... they might just punch through it, but that's a calculated risk he was willing to take.

Melfice drew his sword and started swinging at one of the bees harassing Rei.
"You look like you're about to come do-AAAAAAAAAHHHH" Melfice had cut off the bee's wings with one swing.
"No, you're about to come down, right Melfice?" Indori audibly said.
"Hah! A sense of humour? You surprise me, Indori! Let us press on and find some place to rest our feet so that we may fight more efficiently."

Melfice started to climb a bit higher.

[Astral Harmony]

"What in the fu-" Armored yelled, then stopped jumping and prepared for battling Disney-style CGI insects in an elevator shaft. "Fuck Nasonex. I only have allergies to pet hair, and that's not so bad that I get a runny nose. I could even enjoy a good Caturday."

She went all Chun Li on their bloated asses. Her flurry of kicks either disabled the stingers, kicked off wings, or left them with cartoony black eyes and bandaids on their forehead before they went uncontious. She managed to find a lull in the combat. "Geez, is this Douchebag guy or whatever sniffin' glue or what to send these things after us? Besides, I don't trust new drugs. Always have side effects 'n' shit fifty times worse than the syptoms the drug cures. Lowsy ass doctors."

[Nikose Tyris]

"I wanna be best friends!" Dancing Nikose said to the bee that approached him, and promptly hugged it.

And fell, bee in his arms, giant stinger in his body, towards the ground, where he left a meaty splat.

Turns out Nikose was a blue blood.

After Nikose got up, he proceeded to frown. "My new friend is all over the place now..." And immediately started dancing up towards the ceiling again.

Sunose, on the other hand, just moaned and slapped his hand over his face before shooting a shadow bolt at a bee- and hoping that it would ricochet and hit Nikose.

[Fenris]

Fenris looked as Nikose fell past him and seconded Sunose's exasperation. He flipped out his boomerhammer as Irium shifted forms again, wrapping himself around Fenris's stomach. As the bees attempted to sting Fenris, Irium could easily read the bees' feeble minds and tell where they were aiming, moving himself to block the stinger. Fenris was very, very tired of the stupid accents, and took aim for 4 of the bees' vocal centers, and let fly.

The bees gurgled and stumbled around in the air. Well, except for the one bee that moved a little in the wrong way. His head was torn off. That was also acceptable to Fenris, who caught his hammer and quickly aimed for more bees' vocal centers.

[Bailey]

Keyman was about to respond to the bee harassing him when suddenly its head was ripped off. "Thank you Fenris!"

Keyman quickly tied himself to the ladder and then shifted off of his bluish green to a more purply red.

"FUMIGATE!"

Immediately, a thick smoke began pouring off of his skin and sinking to the bottom of the shaft. Some unseen force prevented it from leaking out into the elevator, and it slowly began to fill its way up the vertical hallway. This particular gas was rather interesting in that it inflicted the improved poison status, toxic, upon its intended targets if they breathed it in. In this case, the target was bug types.

Hopefully the allergy medicine wouldn't be able to block the effects, and all of the bees would just drop dead shortly.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Hawk, flying vertically up the shaft (which was an unusual way to fly for him, usually he would just float upwards instead), strafed out of the way as a Nikose almost fell on him.

"Hey, watch where you're falling!", he called out to him as he stopped and looked down the shaft. A second later, he heard the resulting splat as he hit the ground and winced a little. That didn't sound pretty. Hang on, why in the hell did he even fall anyway?

He then looked up and saw why; a descending swarm of bee things that was.. um.. descending, down the shaft.

"Ahh, that would be why then."

Turning himself upwards to face the bees, Hawk fell backwards slightly (read downwards) before catching an updraft on the other sides of his wings and sent out a gale straight up the shaft, attempting to scatter the swarm and royally fuck up the bees flight plans before they got too close. Fortunately they were all in a narrow elevator shaft, which would mean they would have nowhere else to go except up.

Hawk was going to turn this place into a wind tunnel. A vertical one.

(OOC: This will likely help pull Newbs gas attack further and faster up the shaft as the wind pulls it along, assuming the bees don't manage to over come the gale before then)

[Flarecobra]

Sticking to the shadows to remain out of sight, ShadowFlare grew curious as to this new arrival. He seemed to have a strong power guiding him, but she couldn't tell from what.

She started to check on her cashe of souls, then mentally slapped herself. She had none, so a number of her abilities were unusable. This ment that she'd have to take this one the old-fashoned way. Not that she minded of course. She watched him, wanting to take note of his abilities before she struck.

[IHateMakingNames]

Originally Posted by Armored Bishoujo

I could even enjoy a good Caturday."

And there he was.