A story I have been working on

[Cornwallace]

Ok I have been working on this story for a while and looking for a good medium to put it in besides print cause it really isn't finished yet and I would like to know how good people who aren't my friends or relatives think it is, this part is here because I was unsure about multiple posting in a story, anyway here is the first chapter of said story, if it is well received or received at all I will probably post the other parts.


Chapter 1

What a majestic sight Maxi Man dwarfing the city standing over it guarding it from people like me. It was almost as if he knew what was about to happen. I just thought that it was kind of amusing that I would be the last person to see him like this perched on a building his cape flowing behind him in the evening breeze. It was a pity that no one else was there to see it. I remember when this guy was in his prime going around the world with that one group what was they called, oh yeah the protectorate. I followed them throughout their careers. Of course the comics were never really the same, but better than nothing I guess. Even though by the time I got them they had been passed through so many hands that they hardly held together I was always waiting for the next issue. This guy was the best of the best in the super hero community, under different circumstances I might have even asked him for an autograph. I was there on business though so if everything works out like it’s supposed to I should never get that chance. I hope he goes fast because If he doesn’t the recoil won’t be all that hits me. As I questioned if killing this Idol is really the best thing to do she walks up behind me. Seeing her always kind of unnerved me. You never really get over the feeling of bringing another killer into the world especially one that seems so innocent. In this line of work there are worse things I guess. Seeing her makes me consider what I have done with my life, is this really worth it the money, the adventure is that really worth a life, is she worth it. Then all of a sudden I know that I never should have thought about that because the part of me that loves her would do anything to keep things this way. With this new feeling in my gut I take aim at him again like I was some teenager trying to impress his date by knocking down all of the milk bottles with one throw, and maybe I was not with milk bottles but with high powered weapons and super heroes. After what they did to her it is easy to see why she hates them and this guy was the king of super heroes. If I killed him it would be like killing a piece of each of them and maybe that is what she really wanted to hurt them as much as they hurt her. Internal struggles aside someone would be taking this shot so why not me I mean I am the best and the money is good. Besides the alibi is already set up and the deal is made I pull this trigger and I disappear a wealthy man, we would never have to kill again but we will her because that is what she does now and me because I want to be with her. So after the two halves of my personality finally gave in I took up the gun once more aimed it at him and pulled the trigger repeatedly. I will never be sure if it was the shots or the fall that killed him, but one thing is certain to come back would do the way he died injustice. As majestically as he stood he slowly fell down accepting his fate not scrambling or yelling like jumpers or other people who fall form heights. As he quickly approached the ground it almost seemed that there was a smile on his face like he was the victim of some cruel prank or that he knew that his time was up. Truly it did not matter he had lived as much as many men in his years. His name was a house hold many years after his prime and by killing him I would only make that more true than before. The only thing recognized more than a hero is a martyr and that is what he became a martyr for his cause for peace.

After he hit the ground she gave me a hug from behind, a look of amazement and satisfaction on her face as if I was a high school quarter back who had just thrown a game winning touchdown. As I looked at her face I saw her mouth something but was still concentrated on what had just happened.

What?

Did you see him fall?

How could I see anything else?

Yes, it was magnificent like nothing he could have done in life.

I guess, let’s get out of here before the cops show up.

Such a powerful man brought down not by a weapon but his own lack of power kind of ironic don’t you think?

It is ironic, what else would be ironic is if we commit the crime of the century and get caught by some idiot passing by on traffic duty, we really should go.

It was then that I felt her hand move around to my back and catch me in a full embrace pulling me in closer to her. Without thinking my hand immediately went to the back of her head pulling he lips in to meet with mine. There over the body of a dead champion we shared a loving embrace. I felt time stop when I met her lips it was like this was what my body lived for everything else didn’t matter. This sweet release engulfed me completely like there was nothing except for her and me. This short moment would always end too soon, but at least this time it was interrupted by her voice.

Maybe you were right we do have a rendezvous?

Is that really important?

You know it is after this we can go where we want have what we want do what we want and anyone that tries to stop us will know what a lover’s fury really is.

As long as I have you I would go anywhere babe.

Did you really just say that?
Yeah, why does it sound too cliché?

No, just you had better mean it; a girl could get the wrong idea.

As if to reassure her I grabbed her and kissed her hard, fooling around on the scene was nothing new but this one was different it felt different. It felt like she did a mixture of right, and wrong but mostly trouble. I wonder if that is what she feels or if she feels. With that thought and the power of our embrace I grabbed the weapon and we walked to the roof exit then we were gone. Me and my princess just two dust specs that no one would notice in the stand storm that was the world.

[Kim]

Pretty good, but quotes around speech and splitting up that massive first paragraph would help make it more readable. Good from what I've seen, but I'd need to see a lot more to really judge it.

[Doc ock rokc]

I agree with Non But otherwise its pretty good...

[Cornwallace]

could you guys maybe give me an example of how I should separate it? I left it that way because it was supposed to seem like a continuous thing happening, but this is also a rough draft most is so any help that you could offer would be appreciated.

[Kim]

Originally Posted by Cornwallace

could you guys maybe give me an example of how I should separate it? I left it that way because it was supposed to seem like a continuous thing happening, but this is also a rough draft most is so any help that you could offer would be appreciated.

I can't really say how you should separate it, but that's partly due to laziness. Honestly, I know you want to portray as one continuous thought, but it's so long that it's messy and reading through it feels like a chore. It's your story, so you need to be the one to look at it and say, "This paragraph is getting kinda long, it would look better if I split it up here." Just look for areas where one set of ideas ends and a new one begins. It might be hard at first, but it just takes time and effort.

[Cornwallace]

ok, and while this doesn't have to do with the story the first time I posted this it didn't have any spaces at all and was pushed together in a thread on facebook, thanks for that, I'll try to do that for future parts also

[Cornwallace]

here is the second chapter I tried to format it a little more with the points that you gave me.

Something was wrong I could see that he was affected more than usual by this one. Usually on the way to the crime scenes we would joke between each other me being the rookie and him being my brother and all. Yes, this job was serious, but joking with each other is really the only way that you can survive that long, I don’t know what he did before I came along.

But, as soon as we got the call I saw his usually energetic face change to first surprise then depression.

“Hey, what is so different about this scene anyway? It is just some old super hero right.”

“Rookie, don’t try to talk about what you don’t know okay!”

“What I just want to know why you got a chip on your shoulder all of a sudden.”

“You really want to know?”

“Well I asked didn’t I?”

“Yeah, I guess you aren’t going to drop it huh?”

“No, not a chance old timer!”

“Hey I am only a little bit older than you, you just joined up later.”

“Anyway, as I was saying this is not just any old timer super hero he was one of the protectorate.”

“Am, I supposed to know who that is?”

“COME ON, you are telling me that you don’t even know who they are? How did you land a job like this without knowing your super history?”

“Hey! Are you going to tell me or not?”

“Fine just give an old timer his time to ramble ok. The protectorate was the old time super team. They had adventures like those only read about in comic books. Heck they seemed invincible. As the first officially recognized super team they were like an example for us all. I mean this city would not have happened without them. When they split up to form it, it was the beginning and end of an era at the same time.”

“Wait, how does one super team no matter how powerful have that much influence?”

“Well, look around you kid, almost all of the important positions in the city are filled by them and without their endorsement and agreement to patrol it initially this all would have been nothing more than a pipe dream.”

“Ok, but you make it seem like they are infiltrating us, how could I not notice that?”

“Hey, I can’t see into you head kid; I am just trying to explain. Even in our own organization the chief was one of them, you ever wonder how we have such good information and can track down a lead in a city this huge, because the librarian is sorting our information. Also there have not been any really horrible crimes, because that old timer Maxi Man was patrolling the skies. Do you know what it means that he is dead that someone could even kill him? It means that now we are the only thing that is stopping the really bad guys from becoming everyone’s problem, and without any example that can be pretty bad. I don’t know about you but I would at least like to feel that I have someone or something is backing me up. Without that kind of power who is going to take care of the people like Nate Dogg’s gang you? “

“Yeah, why not me?”

“Look, kid I have been on the force for a couple years and even I know that if it came down to it the only ones who could do any real damage is that special assault squad, and the chief, besides them no one on the force could probably put a dent into any of the super villains, not to say that we could not do anything, but we are not trained for that kind of stuff, did you suddenly become a hostage negotiator or something, because short of some kind of super cop, it would take the whole force to handle a situation like that. That is why we are trained to call for back up, that kind of situation is very delicate. With any idiot having higher level powers or being able to get his hands on things that could level a city block a protector is necessary.”

“I guess, I still say that I could handle some of the lower level punks on my own.”

“Yeah, maybe and maybe you could handle being brought home on a stretcher too. The whole point of this operation is that you don’t need to operate by yourself you have us to back you up. “

I saw Lance’s point, I mean I probably could not take any super villains by myself, but relying on some old hero to do our job for us just felt wrong. I mean we have the tech, all kinds of lethal and non lethal advanced weaponry and armor to make anyone despite their powers be at least theoretically well powered. I guess I see why someone that was a living legend like that getting killed on the street would have such a high impact on Lance though.

The rest of the ride was quiet I would let him mourn for his lost hero in peace. Finally after an eternity of bad music and worse driving we reached the crime scene. Finally events would take their usual course; I could see those two idiots Tim, and John waiting for us. Lance and I got out of the car and walked up to them to get our report.

“So what do you two have to tell me today?”

“Not much that isn’t obvious we will have to get the body back to the lab to see if it was the fall or the blast that killed him…”

“What do you mean the fall isn’t he supposed to be invincible?”

“That is what makes this an investigation rookie, and brilliant deductions like that are why you are still walking the beat instead of a full detective. “

“Man, shut up before I shut your face for you!”

“Calm down kid you know that John is just messing with you, anyway the kid does have a point how could a blast or a fall kill someone like Maxi man, this guy could take a shot from a tank and not break stride how could a 40 story fall or some shot take him out?”

“Well that is why we want to get him to the lab to test for residue from nanobots. Our current theory is that some hired gun took him out with something so advanced we don’t even know what it was. Come over here and look at the burns on the body, there is something else that doesn’t make sense. These burns are in such a way that they are all hitting vital areas like a pro, but are taken sporadically giving more the m. o. of some hack with a good gun. Also we know that he must have been taken by surprise, and from a long distance off he obviously had no time to react before he was already falling off of that building.”

“Probably some hired gun, with some good guns maybe hired by an arms dealer, but to get that big of guns you would need to be pretty high up on the food chain probably a distributer at least, but don’t waste any time in getting that body to the lab, if you can identify those burns that might give us something to go on.”

Then as those two where helped to get the body into a bag and into the coroner’s van we investigated the rest of the crime scene. The area had already been secured and while lance checked the roof that he fell off of for anything that the CSI guys missed, I was investigating the rooftop that was believed to be the spot from which the shot had been taken. First I scanned the rooftop finding nothing but, on a second glance I noticed a small part of the balcony that seemed pushed in seeming to implicate that a weapon was mounted there. The concrete seemed to broken away in that spot like as if something with a heavy recoil or high heat had been fired from there. Noting this I taped off the roof as I had been trained to do many years before. Then I went to meet with Lance to see if he had found anything.

“Hey Lance did you find anything on the roof?”

“Nothing unexpected you?”

“I found an imprint on the balcony where a gun could have been placed but aside from that not so much.”

“Better than nothing I guess. We should probably get back to debrief the chief she said she wanted to know how it went down and we should not be late.”

“Yeah, I would want to know what happened if someone killed someone I had worked with too.”

“Then let’s go get the led out rookie.”

“You don’t have to call me that you know.”

“Fine, get the led out soaks, is that better?”

“No, rookie is fine I guess. Let’s just get back to the car while we both have all of our teeth, huh?”

Finally after a little bit we walked back to the car and left the scene investigation to the other cops and went to go talk to the chief. We took the long way back, and for good reason, if the death of this iconic figure effected Lance so much and he didn’t even know him that well imagine how much she would be effected.

Even though I had gone through the main office many times while I brought in suspects I would never really get used to how impressive it really was. It was like a combination of tech and old school architecture impressive checkpoints at the check in ,several on duty officers and the old clerk, he had been there since I came to see lance’s induction ceremony. So many memories in this place like the first person that I ever brought in, the time I came in and was assigned to be Lance’s partner, inside this place it seemed as if nothing could go wrong, except in the chief’s office.

La Jeffa that was her super heroine name I think. She was a Panamanian agent with the power of mind control before she joined the Protectorate and eventually married the Librarian settled down here, became the chief of police had a kid, the perfect story right everyone is happy but, sometime between then and now it all went wrong. The details are sketchy but now basically Cras, her son is a known mass distributor of weapons and has taken control of at least one country by force. This after the mysterious death of his super team caused the Librarian to go into seclusion leaving La Jefa by herself as the head of the police department in S.U.P.E.R. City. Having nothing else to focus on she just became more involved with the safety of the city and the people in the police department, her second family of sorts. This drive combined with her powers of mind control made for a very motivated police force. Every member feels involved with this closely knit group because if you want to survive in this city you need to trust someone.

As we drew closer to La Jefa’s office I drew my thoughts to a close and prepared to give my analysis of the crime scene in case she asked me anything. Probably, hopefully, it would fall on Lance to tell her about the crime scene as the senior officer.

“Come in come in, have a seat both of you, so officers Visoky, how is your partnership with officer Bell going?”

“Pretty well so far chief I have learned a lot, I feel that in the short time I have been Lance’s partner I have learned more than I ever did at the academy.”

“And you Officer Bell, how do you feel about your new partner’s progress? “

“He is advancing well and grasping his role as an officer, though he still has much to learn he will make a good officer.”

“Good, good, I thought that you two might get along; now onto today’s crime scene do you have any leads.”

“So far we do not have that much to go on, but the results on the body are not yet back from the lab and that will open up new leads for us. We did find some evidence indicating that the weapon was from a top weapons dealer and pretty heavy at least military class as it took a chunk out of the building that it was mounted to.”

“Good, the sooner we find out who did this the sooner I can have a press conference about this case and get it over with. I think that you both know of my relation to the victim, this case in addition to its high profile status has personal value to me and almost everyone that remembers Maxi Man. I hope that you two are up to the task, in addition to the time limits imposed on us by the criminals escape, there is also only a certain time before the government tries to get involved. If at all possible we want to keep this case self contained. When someone takes down one of our own it is better for morale and in general if we are the ones who bring them in understand?”

“Yes chief.”

“Yes chief. You know that we are up to the task.”

“Of course I do not expect you to investigate this on your own any resources that you need are yours just try to bring it by me first. This case possibly brings into jeopardy the safety of the city so it takes precedence over all other outstanding cases to a point. Any other officers that you will need or people that you think will are important enough to deputize you can use. Just remember to only use this power to requisition things essential to the case. Also I want to be kept up to speed on the progression of the case. If you agree to all of these stipulations then the case is yours. So do you want to take it?”

“Yes of course we will take the case. If we are really going to find this guy before the government tries to get involved we should probably start by seeing if the lab has got anything yet then going to the usual informants and seeing if they know anything. “

“Good then get going time is of the essence, we don’t know why someone wanted Maxi Man dead, but nothing good can come out of this the sooner we found out who killed him, the sooner we uncover this plot, the sooner we can act against it. You can’t fight what you can’t see.”

“Yes chief that is a good point we will get to the lab right away.”

As we walked out of the chief’s office I could not help feeling nervous my high profile murder case and it was of such importance not only to me, but to Lance, the chief everyone. Maxi Man had had an impact on everyone I knew this I just liked hearing Lance tell the story. He was an advocate for world peace and being above it all as he was, most people just did what he asked, and those that did not really saw what he could do. As we descended the stairs into the lab I saw the same look of nervousness in Lance’s that I saw when he first became a cop, knowing that he was at least as nervous as I was made me feel relieved and yet worried. If someone who had seen as much action as him was worried how bad could this case be. So with a horrible sense of foreboding we entered the lab.

[Havok Dryke]

Much better, now that it`s not a walloftext. Work on identifying who is speaking, and it becomes much more readable. Other minor grammar stuff as well.

Also, who is your protagonist? It doesn`t mention his name, and the protagonist should usually be one of the first things you mention/describe (unless you have good reason not to).




Examples!

Something was wrong. I could see by the grim look on his face that he was affected more than usual by this one.

This sentence works better when it`s split up.


Usually, we would joke between ourselves about me being the rookie and him being my brother and all.

Added more punctuation and reversed a phrase to make the sentence flow better.


Yes, this job was serious, but joking with each other is really the only way that you can survive that long. I don’t know how he managed before I came along.

Broke up a run-on sentence and rephrased for clarity.


But, as soon as we got the call I saw his usually energetic face crumple with shock, before it was replaced with a grim mask of depression.

Surprise isn`t really an emotion that he would show when he learned that his hero (If I interpreted right) was killed. Shock implies tragedy. Also, don`t have the character`s face change when it can crumple. The more you describe your world and characters to your readers, the more real they become.


“Hey," said Vince, "what is so different about this scene anyway? It`s just some old super hero, right?”

Added a section identifying who is talking (this is important). I named to protagonist "Vince" because it wasn`t specified in the original text. I also added in more grammar, especially the question mark. Mixing up the period and exclamation point on that sentence changed it into a statement, which it wasn`t phrased as.


“Rookie, don’t try to talk about what you don’t know, okay?” muttered Lance.

Another section identifying the speaker, plus the question mark again. Okay is a question, at least in that phrasing. An alternate version of this to keep the "louder" tone would be:

"Rookie, don`t talk about what you don`t know!" barked Lance. "Maxi Man was a great man."


“What? I just want to know why you`ve got a chip on your shoulder all of a sudden.”

Broke up sentence here to better fit how people would naturally speak those words. Notice that the "identifying section" rule relaxes a bit here, because we know who the speaker is.

“You really want to know?” asked Lance.

“Well I asked, didn’t I?”

Extra comma.

-End-



All in all, not bad.

The enthusiasm to write and the quality of the plot/story are the important things, grammar can be fixed. Just be careful not to let lack of grammar confuse the meaning

I like how you started the story off with a "prologue" of sorts, from the view of a non-protagonist (in this case, the villain). Showing events from more than one perspective is a good way to tell a story, it creates suspense.

In case anyone`s interested, I am currently writing a fantasy novel of my own and am looking for people to read it for feedback (basically, just reading it and letting me know what you liked/didn`t like). Email me at havok999@gmail.com if you`re interested

-Your friendly neighbourhood Grammar Nitpick,

Havok Dryke

[Cornwallace]

My super hero career is not exactly perfect but I never expected to end up here fighting in the slums to earn enough money to live. Though this lifestyle is better than I deserve after what happened. But, I have a match soon I should try not to dwell on that too much it only makes me more depressed. Pretty soon the door will open I will be announced, take down some idiot fighter or some guy desperate for cash and go back to my shabby apartment while the crooks running this place wonder where to put their next summer home. At least it is better than the streets though. I mean technically it is my choice I could always leave, but where would I go, and why, what purpose do I have this life is easy and all I need is more hardship.

“Hey Maggie! Get ready that punk before you got smashed already and the crowd wants a fight this time so put on a show.”

“Don’t I always, just get ready to introduce me!”

“Ok, but first you are a house favorite so I’ll tell you a little about the other guy.”

“Worked his way up through the ranks in a homemade suit of armor, no one is really sure how far he can go but, you should be able to use that to your advantage. “

"Thanks, I can always count on you for useful information!”

“Hey, you are just lucky that I am helping you”

And with that the doors opened and I waited for my cue.

“Entering from the left side of the arena, the reigning champ and house favorite THE TREACHEROUS MAGPIE! Don’t let her name fool you folks this little bird is a fighter to the end, bad luck for anyone who steps into the ring with her. Listen to that crowd roar they all know her name.”

“But it will take more than a raucous crowd to shake her competitor’s confidence. For every champion there is a promising rookie looking to make their way to the top and this is no different. Coming here to challenge the magpie for her title is THE RED PUNISHER! In his home made armor he has flown up the ranks in a matter of weeks coming close to even the magpie’s old record. Today only one will come out of this ring with their pride intact. Now let’s watch as the two fighters approach the ref in the center of the ring.”

He didn’t lie this guy looked huge; it might take a little more than a few lucky shots to take him out. As I approached I could hear the motors humming. This kid was no joke, but I had sent more intimidating people than him home on a stretcher before.

“Ok you two I want a good fight, you know the rules though no death blows and try for minimum property damage, this place is reinforced steel but most of you guys can go through that like butter. There are weapons throughout the arena for your use, if you try to attack anyone besides each other though you will wake up in jail if you are luck so don’t try anything aside from that anything goes. LET’S GET IT ON!”

With that he rushed at me, it seemed like he was flying a few inches off the ground, he barely gave the ref time to get out of the way, before he was already at me. Luckily I also had a few tricks up my sleeve.

The punisher is pretty fast, but he will have to do better than that if he wants to catch up to magpie! Ohh a double flip and a push start off his back that must have hurt. It doesn’t look like she is finished either folks. Those things that she is throwing might look like feathers but let’s take a closer look on our super slow mo cam as you can see in fact they are razor sharp throwing knives! Another one in the back, it’s not looking so good for the punisher! Wait what is this even after he was kicked into the ground and cut up by Maggie’s razors he is still getting up for more!? Well, well, well, looks like this isn’t quite over folks. To get up after that unrelenting assault he must have a few tricks of his own.

“You Idiot! Why would you try to take on a suit of armor using physical force and knives, you know that this armor is harder than any alloy! The only damage you could hope to cause is cosmetic!” He announced while thumping his chest to confirm this.

“It looks like the punisher is calling out our magpie; I hope he knows what he is getting himself into.”

“How could someone as puny as you hope to take the unrivaled might of the RED PUNISHER! While he said this he banged his chest a second time falling right into my trap. He had not noticed it before but one of the knives was still stuck in his chest and with his banging it emphatically he had forced it in past the armor and now I could go in for the final blow. “

“So I am the idiot huh? Who is the one who didn’t notice the knife in their chest and put their power source where it was most accessible? With that I gave the final thrust that it needed to make its way into his power source. Motionless he stood there, hardly even a challenge, was this the best that this place could offer? It seemed like these rookies got worse every year!”

“What, what happened I blinked and I missed it! Let’s go back to the footage! It seems like Punisher was up one second then Magpie was on him the next then he was down. Wait what is this, it seems that there was a knife in his chest the whole time and he basically brought himself down, What a disappointment, this promising rookie brought down by his own overconfidence! Can’t say that I would expect any less from our champion though. The Winner and still champine, representing the arena THE TREACHEROUS MAG PIEEEEE!!!!, you can collect your bets at the front the next match will be in another thirty minutes THE AMAZING LIZARD BOY is taking on HOT HEAD the man with one of the shortest fuses I have ever seen!”

After that I went to the outside to meet my adoring fans. They were even worse than the competitors if that was possible.

“HEY MAGPIE I SAW YOUR MATCH HOW ABOUT WE MEET UP LATER? “

“YEAH I’LL SHOW YOU A REAL CHAMPION!”

“How about a photo Maggie, smile for the camera huh?”

“Yeah let us get a couple shots for Metahuman fighting monthly huh, maybe a personal interview?”

“You guys are just as bad as always you know the rules! Pictures are 100 autographed 50 without the autograph, and no interviews without going through me first! Anyways, Maggie isn’t interested in that are you Maggie? See now you went and pissed her off no more fans today! And if you want to blame someone blame this lowlife. And WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT CROWD CONTROL?”

“I thought you would never get here, you know I only do this because it is part of the deal no give me my cut!”

“Ok, Ok, you know being a manager and announcer doesn’t come cheap that plus the amount that the arena owners want, Lucky for you though I am a tough bargainer.”

“Cut the crap how much did you get me?”

“Well, after the expenses I got you about 10,000 remember that is after expenses.”

“WHAT, that is pocket change and you know it!”

“Ok, Maggie truth is and personally I didn’t want to tell you this, but your fights they end to fast, there is no excitement anymore the matches are over before they even start and no one wants to see that do you know what kind of odds the house has to offer to get anyone to bet against you? Seriously though I think you are ready for the big leagues, this amateur night stuff is for the birds, no pun intended.”

“I told you before you don’t even know what type of things I have to do in there, the intensity ok maybe it hasn’t been as hard as of late, maybe not as passionate of fights but you know why so why do you press it?”

“Why Maggie Why? I press it for you for us do you know the kind of money that we could get if we went to some of the underground circles? Not even the really illegal ones, this place is good to get your name out there but it has no future you know what I mean?”

“Why do you think I chose it? Oh and another thing cheat me out of my purse again and you’re fired.”

“I hope that was a joke Maggie, you know you can’t get around without me, without my connections, who would take you in now besides me anyway your super hero friends? Wait that’s right they don’t look to well on people that betray their own and then fight in places like this do they? NO, they don’t you know your only chance to maintain any type of decent life is with me! Look, just go to your apartment and think about it ok, you don’t have to give me an answer now.”

So I did. I went back to my apartment and took of the costume, changed my bandages and curled up in my bed like I always did after a fight. I knew he was right though even though he was an ass hole, I didn’t have the connections that he did, I couldn’t set up a fight, and if I just left and went to another ring it would be the same thing. You pick the evil you know I guess.

Finally I got up and walked to the bathroom to wash my face thinking it might clear my head. I hadn’t felt right since that day. The day everything went wrong, but it was better not to think about it, that would just make me feel even worse. At least I had some semblance of a life again even if it was this one.

While I was washing my face I heard the doorbell. Great just what I need that idiot trying to make me think about things again, I figured that I had better answer the door though making him angry wouldn’t help anything though. So I dragged myself to the door and opened it a crack. It was some weirdo that I hadn’t seen before. He looked like he was decked out for the fourth of July covered in red white and blue he even had some stars on him. He seemed to be trying to conceal that though because he was dressed in normal clothes but it was under like he was wearing his costume underneath or something.

“Something I can do for you?”

“Yes, my master saw your fight in the arena and wanted to offer you a job.”

“HA HA, some pervert saw me and wants to hire me for a more private job eh? Tell your boss that I am not into that kind of thing would you?”

“No, nothing like that, my master wanted to offer you the chance to interview for a position it would provide more changeling opponents that that one that you faced earlier, in fact than the ones that you have faced in a while I am offering you a new life full of challenge also you would not have to live in this squalor anymore.”

“Look if my manager sent you…”

“No, I can assure that is not the case.”

“Well then if you are from some fighting ring the answer is still no.”

“That is not the job which he is managing and he is of no relation to your manager, I assure you if you come with me all will be made clear in due time.”

At first I thought that this guy was too much, obviously in a bad disguise, starting with all of this master business, promising challenges and some dream job if I succeeded. It felt like I was in some bad adventure book. I wanted to distract myself though and I had nothing to lose so I figured why not.

"Wait, I will go with you just let me get some things."

”Excellent the master will be delighted!”

Did this creep actually just smile that was kind of weird anyway I guess I should pack my stuff and leave before Vic gets back. He might just be my manager, but he does have connections. Working at a semi-illegal arena does have the tendency to give you some connections, I probably would have had some too if I had cared to make any, but that type of thing isn’t really important to me nothing is really after what happened that day. No time to get nostalgic now though I have to pack everything of mine, shouldn’t be that hard most of this stuff is Vic’s if I can’t say anything else for him at least he did have decent taste. So with my clothes, costume memories and duffel bag I went back and walked out the door.

The creep was waiting down the hall at the elevator.

“I waited down here I hope you don’t mind but I didn’t want to be so conspicuous waiting by your door.”

“No that is fine. So If I am going to follow you to wherever will you tell me your name at least?”

“C.H.R.I.S. my name is Chris.”

The way that he said it seemed strange as if it was more of a designation than a name.

“Chris, huh? That is a nice name.”

Why wouldn’t this elevator come?

“You, think so?, I never really thought about it that much. “

“Well here is our elevator.”

“Then we both got in luckily the ride to the bottom was faster than the wait.”

I followed him out, expecting a car or something, but we just went further and further into the slums. As we started to get out of the jurisdiction of the major families and into the gang district I began to get worried. Gangs in the super city slums weren’t like those in normal towns, they usually consisted of a group of fighters with powers, and these guys didn’t fight with rules like heroes did or even the wannabe hero’s from the arena. Though walking with this guy gave me some sense of security, someone with a star on their chest usually wasn’t well received this far down here.

“Do you know where we are going?”

“Yes”

“Soon we will be in NateDogg’s territory.”

“Yes, do you know where we are headed?”

“Wait you are telling me that we are going to his hideout?”

“No, not his recent hideout, more of an old safe house.”

“You must be crazier than I thought holing up in the leader of the most notorious super gang’s hideouts.”

“Actually the master is the one who founded that gang. Something he did in a more desperate state.”

“Wait, you mean he is?’

“Yes, now if you would kindly hold off on your questions until we are in a more hospitable place it would be most appreciated. “

As we approached the abandoned old building I felt a sense of foreboding. I followed him into the building and waited as he did something out of sight. All of a sudden a doorway opened in the wall revealing what seemed like a human size computer and a rec room. Sitting upon a lounge chair as if it were a throne was none other than the Time Lord himself. Son of the Chief of police la Jefa, and the old adventurer turned information specialist Librarian, the two founding super heroes of the city. Everyone knew his story, he and the group he was on the PRO CRAS TAN ATE ORES went on a mission and he was the only one to be seen again. People said that he was crazy when he returned and the death of the rest of them drove him to his life of crime. Using connections from his days as a fence of ancient artifacts he created NateDogg’s gang using their muscle and his mind they were soon at the top of the food chain. Then as if that wasn’t enough he took control of a small country in the middle of war. They say he went in and just completely obliterated one side and reeducated the inhabitants, somehow developing the country in only a few years. He then reemerged as the top weapons manufacturer that he is now. If he was here that meant that I was in deep, deeper even than I had been before.

“Chris, you can remove your disguise now show our guest your lovely face.”

“With that Chris took of the duster and revealed something looking to be more machine than man. “

“Allow me to introduce myself, if you have not already figured it out on your own I am Epoch, also known as the Time Lord also known as Cras part of the PRO CRAS TAN ATE ORES. A government regulated name to be sure, but that was some time ago. “

“With that he chuckled to himself, I was lost not knowing what to say or do, should I laugh, should I bow, should I say my name?”

“Not one for puns, I see no matter to business then. What I am offering you, is the chance of a lifetime. The chance to be at the heart of it all, I am talking about being part of my operation. Now this chance won’t come easy there are still some trials ahead, but if you are willing to accept that then the opportunity is yours, now what is your answer?”

“Well, I don’t have anything better to do so why not. “

“Good, Good, hopefully we will be able to get things under way, I will explain to you about the application process along the way, now how would you prefer to travel? The jet is kind of old but it affords a kind of luxury that teleportation does not I think you would agree?”

And with that I stepped into a super villain’s secret jet set for parts unknown.