Jokes!

Introduction · 11-28-2003, 02:55 PM

Post your favorite jokes! Just be sure to keep them somewhat clean.

Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, very ill.
The family called their pastor to stand with them. As the pastor stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note - then he died! - - The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he had been wearing when Ol' Fred died. He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Ol' Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all!"
He opened the note, and read, "You MORON, you're standing on my oxygen tube!"

Sofa_King_Lazy · 11-29-2003, 03:14 AM

just to let you know now, im going to hell. ive got nothing against minorities or anything, but they make great jokes.

Whats better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
WALKING!!!

i wont go into the black jokes, cuz that'll probably get me banned

Deathosaurus Wrecks · 11-29-2003, 10:03 AM

DO NOT READ IF YOU DONT LIKE DEAD BABY JOKES

whats grosser than a hundred dead babies in a garbage bag?
one dead baby in a hundred garbage bags.

how do you get 100 dead babies into a bucket?
a blender.
how do you get them out?
tortilla chips.

ive got more...but i think ill stop.

shiney · 11-29-2003, 10:41 AM

Man, the very very first line of this whole thread was "try to keep them somewhat clean."

You guys suck. :B

Dante · 11-29-2003, 11:14 AM

Little Jimmy comes home.

"Daddy, daddy, what is politics?"

Daddy smiles and takes little Jimmy on his knee.

"Son, it's kind of like this. I earn the money, so I'm Capitalism. Your mother manages the money, so she's the Government. The maid works for us, so she's the Working Class. You and your sister are the People, and your baby brother is the Future."

But Jimmy doesn't get it so he decides to think about it. Two hours after he goes to sleep, he is woken by the sound of crying. He goes to check and he finds his sister with his baby brother, who ahs crapped his diapers. Jimmy and his sister decide to split up and look for their parents.

However, when Jimmy goes to look for his father, the old man is banging the maid so hard he doesn't hear his son knocking ont he door. Meanwhile, his sister oes to look for their mother, but she's sound asleep.

Next morning, a disheveled Jimmy tells his father that he finally understands politics.

"What is it, son?"

"While Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the people are being completely ignored, and the future is full of shit."

deaner05205 · 11-29-2003, 01:11 PM

My (high school) physics teacher told me this one...

Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Micheal Jackson?

Armstrong was the first man to walk to moon, Micheal Jackson {has sex with} little boys.

(and no, he didnt say has sex with... :p )

Sofa_King_Lazy · 11-29-2003, 02:52 PM

There's no such thing as a funny, clean joke....atleast not to me.

More dead baby jokes!!!

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit!

What's harder than nailing 10 dead babies to 10 trees?
Nailing one dead baby to 10 trees!

Whats harder than nailing one dead baby to 10 trees?
Nailing a dead baby to a dead puppy?

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a porsche?
I dont have a porsche in my garage!

What's more disgusting than 100 dead babies in a dumpster?
A live one in the bottom eating its way out/

What's pink and spits?
A dead baby in a frying pan!

I'm gonna stop there before i get beaten...

11-29-2003, 03:02 PM

It burns! Kill the psychotic I say, kill him! May he die and burn and...be in discomfort! Yeah! Thats it! Now kill him! Maybe I should stop screaming! Nah!

Introduction · 11-29-2003, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sofa_King_Lazy

There's no such thing as a funny, clean joke....atleast not to me.

I said somewhat clean.

Sofa_King_Lazy · 11-29-2003, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Introduction

I said somewhat clean.

Oh well, the point i was trying to make is that great jokes have to offend some group of people, be it sensitive people, black people, asians, etheopians, jews, nerds...you get the point.
The risk in having jokes poking fun at a certain group is that some people might think that you're serious...a modern hitler. I've had this happen to me a couple times; some people at my school honestly think i'm a racist. honestly, how can you think a white shirt with white block letters saying "WHITE POWER" isn't funny? especially when you know im kidding.
It is my opinion jokes have to be somewhat offensive to be funny. or they could just be so pathetic the make me laugh...like this one

Did you hear what the one bee did to the other bee? he took his honey and nectar!

its so lame its great.

but if you dont mind racist jokes, ive got tons...might post them if people don't mind.

11-28-2003, 02:55 PM	#1
Introduction Who the hell is this guy? Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Somewhere Over The Computer-Generated Rainbow Posts: 227	Jokes! Post your favorite jokes! Just be sure to keep them somewhat clean. Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, very ill. The family called their pastor to stand with them. As the pastor stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note - then he died! - - The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he had been wearing when Ol' Fred died. He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Ol' Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all!" He opened the note, and read, "You MORON, you're standing on my oxygen tube!" __________________ NPF's Official Lurker {Myspace}

11-29-2003, 10:03 AM	#3
Deathosaurus Wrecks Underachiever Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Chicago Posts: 1,996	DO NOT READ IF YOU DONT LIKE DEAD BABY JOKES whats grosser than a hundred dead babies in a garbage bag? one dead baby in a hundred garbage bags. how do you get 100 dead babies into a bucket? a blender. how do you get them out? tortilla chips. ive got more...but i think ill stop. __________________ "There was another, who came before you he was a hero and your brother and my son he fought the darkenss, the darkness won" -The Protomen "Unrest in the House of Light"

11-29-2003, 03:14 AM	#2
Sofa_King_Lazy Master of Laziness Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Yellowknife, NWT Posts: 119	just to let you know now, im going to hell. ive got nothing against minorities or anything, but they make great jokes. Whats better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics? WALKING!!! i wont go into the black jokes, cuz that'll probably get me banned

11-29-2003, 10:41 AM	#4
shiney Derrrrrrrrrrrrrp. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The land of fartz and buttz Posts: 8,266	Man, the very very first line of this whole thread was "try to keep them somewhat clean." You guys suck. :B

11-29-2003, 11:14 AM	#5
Dante Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Crushing the weak beneath the iron jackboots of tyranny Posts: 7,703	Little Jimmy comes home. "Daddy, daddy, what is politics?" Daddy smiles and takes little Jimmy on his knee. "Son, it's kind of like this. I earn the money, so I'm Capitalism. Your mother manages the money, so she's the Government. The maid works for us, so she's the Working Class. You and your sister are the People, and your baby brother is the Future." But Jimmy doesn't get it so he decides to think about it. Two hours after he goes to sleep, he is woken by the sound of crying. He goes to check and he finds his sister with his baby brother, who ahs crapped his diapers. Jimmy and his sister decide to split up and look for their parents. However, when Jimmy goes to look for his father, the old man is banging the maid so hard he doesn't hear his son knocking ont he door. Meanwhile, his sister oes to look for their mother, but she's sound asleep. Next morning, a disheveled Jimmy tells his father that he finally understands politics. "What is it, son?" "While Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the people are being completely ignored, and the future is full of shit."

11-29-2003, 01:11 PM	#6
deaner05205 Sword Chucks, Yo! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Long Island Posts: 180	My (high school) physics teacher told me this one... Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Micheal Jackson? Armstrong was the first man to walk to moon, Micheal Jackson {has sex with} little boys. (and no, he didnt say has sex with... :p )

11-29-2003, 02:52 PM	#7
Sofa_King_Lazy Master of Laziness Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Yellowknife, NWT Posts: 119	There's no such thing as a funny, clean joke....atleast not to me. More dead baby jokes!!! What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit! What's harder than nailing 10 dead babies to 10 trees? Nailing one dead baby to 10 trees! Whats harder than nailing one dead baby to 10 trees? Nailing a dead baby to a dead puppy? What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a porsche? I dont have a porsche in my garage! What's more disgusting than 100 dead babies in a dumpster? A live one in the bottom eating its way out/ What's pink and spits? A dead baby in a frying pan! I'm gonna stop there before i get beaten...

11-29-2003, 03:02 PM	#8
Cyclone231 Guest Posts: n/a	It burns! Kill the psychotic I say, kill him! May he die and burn and...be in discomfort! Yeah! Thats it! Now kill him! Maybe I should stop screaming! Nah!