Sappy "Love" story

[AerodynamicHair]

I wrote this a while ago, and was reminded of it recently because I feel like crap. I used to want to be a writer, but then I realized I suck, and I gave up. I just feel like posting this here and letting a few people read it and comment on it. Hell, maybe you can relate.
Here goes...
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She was sitting across the room, on the couch next to a few other guys chatting and laughing about something. Despite the smoke, the stench of beer and throw-up, and the dim lights and loud music, she looked radiant, more so than anyone else at the party. She had that smile, that look that drives people to write sappy love novels.

Of course, I didn't approach her. I stayed in the kitchen, near the bar, talking to some moron about something I wasn't really thinking about. I wanted to approach her, but I was hindered by many things. First, because my hair was in horrible condition. Second, because I had the kind of dark circles under my eyes that makes a person look like some sick pervert. Third, and most important, I didn't approach her because I knew her.

I'd known her for a long time. We met a few years ago, through our collective friends, at a movie theater. I went over and talked to her, made some jokes, and she laughed and smiled and otherwise gave off an aura of joy and beauty. So, we started to hang out more. I hung out with her and her friends, she hung out with me and my friends, but this lead to a most horrible thing: I became her friend.

I didn't want it that way. I wanted to be closer, to make her happy and be happy with her. I just wanted, I don't know, for her to depend on me. Thats how I felt.

So, for the next few years, I put on a smile and made stupid jokes and looked away as she went from boyfriend to boyfriend, never bothering her because I was afraid. I was afraid that I would screw up our friendship, the only thing I had now. After every party, after every day at work, I tried to forget about it, to forget about some stupid crush, and just enjoy my life. Some days I could do it. Most days, though, most days I just sulked and thought of the "girl that got away," though technically I guess I never had her.

So now, I was doomed to watch her flirt with a bunch of people I knew, although probably falsely, couldn't make her happy. I know now I was filled with dillusions, some idea of a destiny that included her and me. I don't beleive in destiny anymore, but that has nothing to do with her.

While I was on that bar stool, pretending to talk about some television show with the only other guy besides me who couldn't get a date, my mind ran. I could only fantasize about situations, strange situations where something unbeleivable would happen, and through my actions, she would realize some kind of love for me, and we could be together. Sometimes she would be getting mugged, and I would put myself between her and the mugger, take a hit, and run her to safety. Sometimes she would let it slip that she had the same feelings for me as I had for her. I think half the time I saved her, half the time she admitted her love. I realize now that no matter what my imagination created, I was never the one to initiate anything. Something happened that I had to act on impulse, or she approached me. Even in my dreams, I was too shy and too scared to do anything.

Still, she sat on the couch, just a room away from me, and I did nothing. She had begun to drink, and was laughing hysterically at everything her friends were saying, adding in her own comments and making the whole room burst out into laughter.

The guy sitting with me in the kitchen finally got sick of me and left into the other room. I was left sitting like a wallflower, alone at a party sipping my drink and looking a lot more depressed than I actually was. So, since I was the only person not talking to anyone at the party, I started to daydream.

She looked past all the people crowded in the living room and saw me in my dazy depresive stupor in the kitchen. I was staring blankly at the table when she walked up and sat beside me.

"Whats up?" she asked.

I turned to her, saw her eyes, and just talked. I just talked without trying to think, without trying to pretend that I had secrets I had to keep from everyone.

"Well, honestly, I just feel like crap right now."
"Whats wrong? Is it the party?"
"No, it's not the party. I've just been thinking about something for a while now."
"About what?"
"Have you ever had a crush on someone?"

With that, her face turned a bit red, and a sinister smile grew on her face.

"Oooh, looks like someone has the hots for some little lady!" she chimed. After that, she saw the kind of depressed look on my face, and dropped her own smile.

"I'm sorry. Its just kind of funny, you know, you and a girl." she said.
"You're not helping!" I said.

She giggled a bit to herself, and said "sorry."

"alright, seriosly," she said, "whats wrong? Who is she?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Aww! C'mon! I'm sorry I was like that, seriously, I want to talk. Whats wrong?"
"Well... I've known her for a while now, but I've never been able to say anything to her. But, I've always had this crush on her. I didn't know why back then, but I think I've figured it out."
"Figured what out?"
"I figured out what it was about her. It isn't because she looks good, though she is beautiful, or because she's fun to hang around with. There's just something about her, something that makes me happy when she's happy, and makes me sad when she's sad. Something that makes me want her to depend on me, to let me take care of every problem she ever has. She just... she has an aura about her. An aura of joy and kindness, that I feel like if I were just near her, I would be a part of."

She just kind of looked at me for a second, thinking about what I said.

"So," she said,"is this anyone I know?"
"I don't want to say."

She grabbed my arm and tugged at me in false anger, with a wicked smile on her face.

"Come on! Tell me! Its someone I know, isn't it! If you don't tell me, I'm going to tell everyone I know you have a crush on someone!"
"Alright, fine, yes, its someone you know." I said.
"Aw, who? Who is it?"

I looked at her, into her eyes once again.
"Do you really want to know?"
"Yes. I won't tell anybody, just tell me!"

So, with my eyes matching hers, and my heart in my throat, I told her.
"Its you."

That wicked smile of hers dropped from her face. For an instant, she though that maybe I was joking, but my eyes told her different. It was a large weight, one she hadn't expected, and it had knocked her off her feet. She pulled herself back up, looked at me, and was about to reply when...

Crash! The sound of a glass of warm beer breaking on the kitchen floor. Some drunk guy was looking through the kitchen cabinets, looking for chips, and had dropped his beer, pulling me out of my day dream. I looked back to the living room, and there she was, laughing and drinking and making merry with everyone else. I turned around, and tried to think about something else, not just something that would never happen.
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I don't know why I felt like posting this, but comment if you want. I wrote this initially in my blog, but you won't find anymore stories if you go there.

[Osterbaum]

I think that was pretty good actually. If you think thats crappy then I'm a bad writer my self, though I usually don't write anything like this so it's not a good place to cpmpare. There are a couple of things that I want to comment though. First of all

chatting and laughing about something.

That something seems kind of...well...I'm not sure, but it should have been even like "laughing about something useless" or anything like that. Just "something" seems dull...Then secondly I think that the dialogue was a bit like something that didn't belong there. At least it started so suddenly after only quiet thinking and memorizing with no dialogues. Thats why the dialogues seemed a bit wrong at first. At the end they were good, but you shold find another way to start the conversation or just leave it out. Then thirdly the story it self is good, but the subject is a bit old and used. You are not such a bad writer that you make it sound out to be.

[AerodynamicHair]

Thanks, I'll try to keep that in mind. Actually, I'm not really good at dialogue, and I mostly just stick to essays, but I decided to try a first person story to see if it would work out. I like it enough, but you're right, the subject is a bit overused.

[reality_deviant]

I liked the description of the fantasies...I know a lot of people who could relate to that, myself included. Maybe try to give a little bit of a back story about the main guy, make him seem more real. All in all, hey, I like reading, it was a nice story, I'm easy to please.