Funny editorial / Game submission

darkt0aster · 07-27-2004, 10:16 AM

I stumbled across one of my old videogame magazines (Ultra Game Players, Issue 91, Dec 1996) and managed to find this editorial and thought I'd share it

"And that got me thinking... Why stop at just making a game where you race a piddling, little jet ski across the bounding main [Waverace 64]? A subject as vast as the ocean deserves a game of glorious grandeur, with epic themes, noble goals and lofty desires.

And then it hit me! How about Captain Caligula's Slave Galley Fun Race? Now here's a game that combines the button-mashing prowess of Olympic Games, the strategy of Final Fantasy, and all the bone-crushing action of Twisted Metal!

Imagine it! You start out as Rower 23 (outside) and the Emperor himself is yelling commands. 'RAMMING THPEED!’ he lisps, and you start furiously mashing the A and B buttons. Get your timing just right, and you'll be promoted to that dirty, smelly guy who pounds on the drums. Blow it, and the next thing you know, you're shiskebob on the front of a Thracian battle cruiser.

You could make the whole game even more realistic by hooking up your Interactor to your console, so when the overseer cracks you on the back with the cat-o'-nine-tails, you'd get the same stinging sensation! Talk about your thrills!

And for those gamers who like just a little bit of fantasy mixed in with their ocean-hopping happiness, you should choose the ‘Charleton Heston’ option from the menu screen. Imagine the thrill and chills you’d get by reliving Chuck’s role in ‘Ben Hur!” Why, you’d not only get to yell ‘Damn You!’ every couple of minutes (each curse counts for five bonus points), but, with the additional scenery disk, after winning the game, you could get to the bonus chariot race level and finish up by touring some of ancient Rome’s finest leper colonies! Joy!

Of course, the goal of the game is to finally command your very own slave galley, complete with all the stinking, hapless slaves and Praetorian guardsmen an Emperor could desire. Imagine the thrill of peering down into the filthy, lice-ridden hold and giving that immortal order: ‘Water skiing speed!’”

I'd buy it

This got me thinking of the now nonexistant section of PC gamer where people would write in ideas for games they'd want to play (genre, characters, settings, mechanics, etc) and would feature the best ones each month.

Has anyone else out there found or made an interesting pitch for a videogame? (no sequels allowed!)

KefkaTaran · 07-27-2004, 11:28 AM

Game Informer has a small section in their magazine every month devoted to humorous ideas for games. While I don't have one with me at the moment, I highly suggest checking them out. They're usually pretty funny.

Jon Garrett · 07-27-2004, 01:35 PM

I once had the idea for making a cross between a beat'em up and a RPG. Basically, you go through a kinda beat'em up dungeon with a character of your own design (like the Smackdown Series of wrestling games, you can create your character's appearence and move set) in something similar, but easier to do, to the Tekken Force mode on Tekken three. As you go up levels you get access to points to increase your strength and defence and access to better moves.

There was some other stuff for weapons anda armour, but that was the gist of it.

Kenryoku_Maxis · 07-27-2004, 06:03 PM

I have many ideas for games I think should be made. But I don't want to divulge them because I'm actually writing stories and scripts around them to actually pitch them someday. Sorry...-_-

07-27-2004, 10:16 AM	#1
darkt0aster Toastdoken! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: The middle of everywhere and nowhere at the same time: Rolla, MO Posts: 768	Funny editorial / Game submission I stumbled across one of my old videogame magazines (Ultra Game Players, Issue 91, Dec 1996) and managed to find this editorial and thought I'd share it "And that got me thinking... Why stop at just making a game where you race a piddling, little jet ski across the bounding main [Waverace 64]? A subject as vast as the ocean deserves a game of glorious grandeur, with epic themes, noble goals and lofty desires. And then it hit me! How about Captain Caligula's Slave Galley Fun Race? Now here's a game that combines the button-mashing prowess of Olympic Games, the strategy of Final Fantasy, and all the bone-crushing action of Twisted Metal! Imagine it! You start out as Rower 23 (outside) and the Emperor himself is yelling commands. 'RAMMING THPEED!’ he lisps, and you start furiously mashing the A and B buttons. Get your timing just right, and you'll be promoted to that dirty, smelly guy who pounds on the drums. Blow it, and the next thing you know, you're shiskebob on the front of a Thracian battle cruiser. You could make the whole game even more realistic by hooking up your Interactor to your console, so when the overseer cracks you on the back with the cat-o'-nine-tails, you'd get the same stinging sensation! Talk about your thrills! And for those gamers who like just a little bit of fantasy mixed in with their ocean-hopping happiness, you should choose the ‘Charleton Heston’ option from the menu screen. Imagine the thrill and chills you’d get by reliving Chuck’s role in ‘Ben Hur!” Why, you’d not only get to yell ‘Damn You!’ every couple of minutes (each curse counts for five bonus points), but, with the additional scenery disk, after winning the game, you could get to the bonus chariot race level and finish up by touring some of ancient Rome’s finest leper colonies! Joy! Of course, the goal of the game is to finally command your very own slave galley, complete with all the stinking, hapless slaves and Praetorian guardsmen an Emperor could desire. Imagine the thrill of peering down into the filthy, lice-ridden hold and giving that immortal order: ‘Water skiing speed!’” I'd buy it This got me thinking of the now nonexistant section of PC gamer where people would write in ideas for games they'd want to play (genre, characters, settings, mechanics, etc) and would feature the best ones each month. Has anyone else out there found or made an interesting pitch for a videogame? (no sequels allowed!) __________________ Fun Jack Thompson Links: His website: http://www.stopkill.com (good for a few laughs). Hie e-mail: jackpeace@comcast.net (good luck!) His phone number: 305-666-4366 (I'm wondering about that middle bit :bmage: ) A comparison between Jack and a sane human being (Tim Buckley of Ctrl+Alt+Del). An odd e-mail exchange between him and Scott of VGcats. Apparently, he has a history of insanity.

07-27-2004, 11:28 AM	#2
KefkaTaran Magikoopa Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 1,545	Game Informer has a small section in their magazine every month devoted to humorous ideas for games. While I don't have one with me at the moment, I highly suggest checking them out. They're usually pretty funny. __________________ So break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue.

07-27-2004, 01:35 PM	#3
Jon Garrett Anger me not Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 57	I once had the idea for making a cross between a beat'em up and a RPG. Basically, you go through a kinda beat'em up dungeon with a character of your own design (like the Smackdown Series of wrestling games, you can create your character's appearence and move set) in something similar, but easier to do, to the Tekken Force mode on Tekken three. As you go up levels you get access to points to increase your strength and defence and access to better moves. There was some other stuff for weapons anda armour, but that was the gist of it. __________________ Enter all ye brave, these Lands of Chaos

07-27-2004, 06:03 PM	#4
Kenryoku_Maxis 87% Pokemon Master Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: California, Somewhere Therin Posts: 2,405	I have many ideas for games I think should be made. But I don't want to divulge them because I'm actually writing stories and scripts around them to actually pitch them someday. Sorry...-_- __________________ "You fight pretty tough for someone without Health Insurance." -Homer Simpson Star Trek > Star Wars. But both are irreversibly off-track. Just realize we can always trust in the sanctity of Indiana Jones and the Simpsons! Oh wait...