Let's Play FF6 3: The Revenge

[Amake]

Fire huh? You know who we have to blame for that. Bitch! Maybe she didn't want the game to end so she'd have to die. (Spoiler.)

[Major Blood]

A Quad post of sufficient EPICNESS would be allowed i'm sure.

[Possum Knight]

I couldn't think of a better way to end this spectacular lets play!

[pochercoaster]

Woohoo, I seem to have woken up just when the LP's nearing completion. It's a nice way to start your morning

[Kerensky287]

CHAPTER 46

This is a story of a man who had far too much free time on his hands.

A man who spent almost a full year playing a video game, taking screenshots, posting them online, and making immature jokes about them.

This story is not very interesting at all.

So instead, we're going to tell you the story HE was telling.



(Just in case you forgot what game it was.)



So if you missed the info, I accidentally saved over the newest file with an older one - long story short, I lost all my hardcore-training benefits, as well as the Dragon's Den benefits. So it's like that whole last chapter never happened. I guess it makes sense, then, to begin where we left off in Kefka's Tower last time.

Oh damn, more pressure panels. Heh, I remember when I thought those 3 we passed were too many. This is nothing.



Now we need to get the rest of the party in, and to do that we need a different kind of pressure on their panels.



Those massive weights apparently press down the buttons more than a group does... or something.



In the end it turns out that dropping the thing on the button opens the staircase to traffic from one side, allowing Store's team access to the central area. Woohoo!



Unfortunately, passing through that area also locked Bitch's team on the other side. Looks like there's no turning back now, though, and we need Loli's team in too, so Store's gonna be stuck on the right.



I guess Loli's team - generally weaker than the other two - will have to deal with whatever is at the top of this ominous staircase.



Lolisquad is on their way to fight a giant evil robot. Whee.



It has a bunch of piddly attacks like rocketspamming and maybe a laser or three. Not all that threatening.





It's pretty weak against lightning, so that's always a good option...



...though before the fight I also swapped out Molulu's Charm with the Dragon Horn, so Danser jumps 2-4 times each attack, dealing a few thousand per hit.



After a few rounds of attack, the robot switches it up a bit.





It becomes far weaker and I'm pretty sure it only did that for the purposes of tentacle... umm, coddling... the sole female member of the group.



It dies almost immediately after.



It leaves a save point behind (which I use to heal everybody) but wow, that was a seriously pointless boss.



Bitch: "Gee, I sure would like to go through that door down there. Too bad there's no way to get there unless Loli's group helps me out."



Elsewhere, Team Loli is preoccupied. Fighting one of the 3 gods of magic tends to take up a lot of attention.



Demon is, according to Libra, vulnerable to poison. It's unfortunate then that Bio is such a crappy spell.



Physical attacks, however, are fine. GIGA DRILL BREAKER!!



Demon is overall pretty boring. I screenshotted this because I thought it was Demon's only unique attack, and then I saw a random encounter use the same move...



It's not even that special, really. That's right: Demon has NO special abilities whatsoever, or at least none that he used against me. The only thing that makes this fight any more difficult than a random encounter - other than the high HP totals, of course - is that Demon absorbs one or two elements, and the single element it's weak against is useless anyway.



Lucky for us, we have Eunuch's Debilitator tool, which assigns a random weakness to the target.



...It's pretty hit-or-miss.



Didn't really matter, though, as it died anyway before we could try again.



That seemed a little easy for one of the Gods of Magic that tore the world apart...



Beyond the statue's remains is a door with a hole inside, and in the hole is a pressure plate. It doesn't seem to do anything, but I'm sure it will when the other ones are activated!



"I wonder if I can just jump this railing...?"



Looks like there's a button I, umm, forgot about.



Loli rushes back and steps on it, allowing the two other teams to move onward. Then she has to walk all the way back to the button she found.

Damn kids and their ADD these days! She sees ONE staircase and tries to ascend to glory.



"Freedom!"



Another statue. Oh well, the last one was easy, right?



Bitch: "Fiend, prepare to meet your maker!"

Fiend: "Northern Cross."



...

SHIT.

Explanation time: Northern Cross is an attack that can inflict the Freeze status, which prevents a character from doing anything until somebody else hits them with fire elemental damage. Northern Cross targets everyone... but normally misses at least one person. I was just really, really unlucky in the opening turn, which allowed him to beat on me as much as he wanted for a few minutes.



Then we all burst into motion. From top to bottom, we use Trance Firaga, Grand Delta, Fixed Dice and Phantom Rush.



This works quite well, and other than a few Cure spells we don't deviate from that strategy.



Hey, did we win?



Guys, I don't think we won.



"Fiend is now immune to water damage."

He also has Reflect. DAMMIT! We'll have to do something other than Trance Firaga. Like, I dunno, Ultima Weapon attacks.

After this he seemed to start using Southern Cross (pure ice damage, no freezing) pretty liberally too, meaning Cure was a lot more common in the second half.



A turn or so later, he locks on to Sarda but I don't really know what he was trying to do.



Whatever it was, it didn't work, I must say.



Goodbye God of Magic...



...hello button!



"Well, I guess we're fighting another statue. If any of you act surprised I'll be super-pissed."



Cocke: "A-a statue? Wh-"
Store: "NO."



At the risk of sounding really stupid... DAAAAAAYUM. I like that statue's choice in wardrobe. Or, umm, the sculptor's style. Or something.



Too bad we have to break it.

Goddess has a few weak magic attacks, and some kind of sleeping attack, but here's the main thing that makes this fight hard:





She used Overture on Cocke, which means that Cocke will now step in and take any physical damage meant for Goddess.

...

...Well, okay, I guess it doesn't make the fight THAT hard.





Seems like Silly's dog makes him immune to sleep or something, too.

Silly: "Wait, I have an idea! If Cocke is entranced by this hot chick..."
Store: "Hey!"
Silly: "Maybe a HOTTER chick will distract him!"







Goddess: "NOOOOO! I'm meeeeellllttttiiiingggg....."

(Turns out Lakshmi's a pretty useless summon, actually. I didn't know beforehand as I had never really used summons.)





Well, that explains why they were all such total pushovers.



All the buttons are ready.



Last minute equipment checks? Bathroom breaks? Too late.



WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO THE ENDGAME, BABY.

[Kerensky287]

...Well, that was convenient. How nice of Kefka to have a set of buttons that bring us directly to him! We probably couldn't have reached him otherwise.





The obvious reason for Kefka to say "Welcome" to the party is that he's being sarcastic... but I have to say, he's been pretty good about letting us get here so far. De-powering the Gods of Magic? Giving us free teleporters? Not freakin' setting fire to our ship with the Light of Judgment? Kefka's probably lonely up here.

He's not great at sarcasm anyway. He's pre-sarcasmic.









Uh oh. He's got a super gravity-gun.



He's taken the best part of Half-Life 2 and turned it against us.



"You can take our lives and you can take our freedom, but you will NEVER take our fecundity!"

Load the baby-cannon.



"Or I will."













Kefka feels the need to SMACK a Bitch.















...Okay, every character lists something and rather than take up all that space with pictures I wrote them down.

Eunuch: A peaceful kingdom.
AHNULD: A loving brother who always looks out for me! Gah-ha-ha-ha!
Store: Someone willing to accept me for who I am.
Sarda: An adorable little granddaughter.
Loli: An obnoxious grandpa... who I couldn't live without!
Hefner: Wings from a dear old friend!
Danser: New pals, kupo!
You: These people! All them! Uwaooo!



Kefka: *facepalm*







...Oh crap. Most of our party members listed OTHER PARTY MEMBERS as their reasons for living. It'll be hard to fight Kefka when everyone's dead.





Kefka could not hit the broad side of a barn.

Actually, he probably hit several there, but he wasn't aiming at them so it doesn't count.



"I'll hit you eventually!!"





"Because that's how much higher I am than you! HAHAHA!"





Kefka: "Yes I can!"
Bitch: "No you can't!"
Kefka: "No I can't!"
Bitch: "Yes you - wait, FUCK!"











"LIKE YOURS!!"



Kefka: "FUCK!"





Rather than make it take forever and force you all to choose, I just went ahead and picked this team. The top few are the most effective team members anyway, so it all works out.



Oh wow. Big, scary Kefka-torso.



Torsos don't react well to fire, in my experience.



Neither do heads, really.



He uses some ability called Shockwave but I've never actually had it do anything to my party (it missed both times he used it) so I can't say much.



When Torso-Kefka (Torska? Kefso?) is wiped out, we start magically floating upward to do battle with a bunch of other, minor Kefkas, including one that is a woman, one that is a tiger and one that can only be described as Dr Manhattan.



They put up a bit more of a fight; She-Kefka casts Reraise on all the others, but is vulnerable to Gravity so she wasn't much of a challenge. One of the others also casts Southern Cross pretty frequently. None of the other bodies seemed to do anything useful.



You then float up to fight Throne-Kefka, who is accompanied by a being I will refer to as Goddesshead Pickle Inspector - GPI, if you will. GPI absorbs most, if not all, magical elements, casts White Wind to heal herself and Throne-Kefka, but does not fondly regard physical attacks, and we had those by the gallon.

Throne-Kefka cast Tornado a few times but otherwise didn't cause much harm.



Pretty easy boss fight so far, I gotta say. Eunuch has been the only casualty, and they are swapped out for the next party member in line after each stage.

But the fight is not over yet.



Oh, no.



Kefka is a purple angel of some kind.



One with six wings.





And he seems very, very happy to see us.







You want a few practice shots?



Here, I'll even Sketch you up a target.



Hah-HA! Taste the most powerful magic in the game!



...

...Wait, what?

I honestly don't know what happened to Ultima, but Kefka managed to use Heartless Angel instead, bringing everyone's health down to 1. That frees up Loli though, because if she can't spam Ultima then she may as well heal everyone while the rest of the group attacks.



I hope that means he's almost dead.



...Or... maybe he's making another of himself? I dunno, he's holding on to his own head. Gross.



...Uh oh. I can has Reraise?





GAAAH



...Well, that was underwhelming.



...Is he...?





Fuck, that was underwhelming in GENERAL.









Oh, dammit, this isn't one of those Metroid-style "Get to the ship before the planet explodes" things, is it?

...Actually, no it isn't. I beat Kefka. The gameplay bit is over. Now it's just watching.











That doesn't strike me as a good thing to rely on if she's going to evaporate any second.

But escaping gives us a good chance to look at each character and what they're doing.



AKA Thou.





IT'S A FUCKING PRESSURE PLATE.



STEP ON IT YOU ASS







:gonk:



AKA Hefner.



Door number one, or door number two?



Number one it is...



...not!



Number one it is not.





Obviously not, because even if you're right you're always wrong. Clearly.



AKA Eunuch. AKA Edgarroni. AKA Riceroni.



AKA AHNULD. AKA Detective John Kimble.







AHNULD: "Speaking of which, are you almost done? This thing weighs at least 3 tons.
Eunuch: "Sorry, were you talking? I kinda zoned out there for a second."



AKA Danser.



Isn't this supposed to showcase what the characters are good for? Because jumping is pretty much ALL Danser can do.

Except, umm, dance.









I'm still wondering how a hook could pick Danser up without any loops or handholds.



AKA.... hey, what the fuck, I didn't invite Gimp along!







"HULK IS SKILLED PROBLEM SOLVER!"



"Gimp want to be like Hulk when grow up."



"Gimp bring honour to Gimp family with gamma ray science."



AKA... something. I forget.





Just like in FF7, except in that game, it's player-controlled. Yuck.



Oh, right. It.

That whole sidequest seems pointless considering that I haven't had It in my party at all, ever.







Perfect mimicry!



And then It falls down into the bottomless pit, never to be seen again. Oh well.



AKA You. But I mean that in the nicest possible way.









FF6 Rockboarding, coming soon to cellphones in Japan.





MOAR SHORTCUTS PL0X

Oh, that You. What a zany, homicidal freak.



AKA Cocke Lole.



AKA General Store, formerly of the Imperial Army.





Oh no! The bandanna!





Store: "This bandanna... it reminds me of..."











Store: "Snake... I'll never forget you!"

[Kerensky287]

AKA Bitch. AKA Village Bicycle.

I mean, the wine represents something.













"...but if you DO end up disappearing to the same place as the rest of the Espers, you and I are going to have a LONG talk about your actions, missy! That is NOT how a young lady should behave around men!"



AKA Loli. AKA Jailbait. AKA Magic Jailbait.





Yeah, WTF, grandpa!











Which is totally fine because she's carrying him.

I could make a joke about her strength stat here but it's 5 in the goddamn morning and I couldn't give a damn.



AKA Silly okay wow that is the best goddamn symbol ever. An apple with a ninja star in it! Beats a friggin' wine glass any day.





Silly refuses to be a conformist.



"No, dog. If you come with me you'll be conforming to my ideals, and that will make me a conformist too somehow."





"Have a nice life ~_~"



...

...Okay, Silly, you don't need to stay angry at yourself for ruining the world. It's been a while, nobody cares anymore.

...

Fine, kill yourself, see if I care. (He'll be back in a few screens, I'm sure! Right? He's not ACTUALLY going to kill himself?)



AKA Sarda. AKA The artist once known as the Wizard who Did It, but who is far past his peak.





Store: "Hefner, let him fucking grab the thing!"
Hefner: "Heck no, this is too much fun!"







Hefner: "Damn."



AKA Kerensky287.

...Or Gau? I don't know who they're talking to. Fuck, maybe they're talking about you, the reader! Nah, I'm kidding, you're not important.







Umm... are you sure this is a good idea?





I don't think this is going quite as planned.











Whoop, there she goes. Oh well, it was nice knowing her.

So we went in with 14, and came out with 11? Pretty good job, I'd say.







You know, you can stop now. Operation: Baby Cannon wasn't needed for the fight against Kefka.



...?







Yeah, I don't know how she got up there either. Or why they all fainted.



Hurray, only 2 casualties out of 14 then!



So it is, Hef. So it is.



...So that's it, huh? It's over.



Well, I disagree! It isn't over until I SAY it's over.



I mean, fuck you, game, I can keep looping these images until I get sick of them. It's simple as that.



And you guys will keep reading because you think there's a hidden message or something at the end. Well, I'll tell you now, there isn't!



But it's not over yet, no sirree!



See?



Baby-snatching!



House repairing!



Pointless standing!



And a wave that Queen Elizabeth would die for!



See? The party's just beginning!



...On second thought, you aren't allowed to join in. Get out of my thread.



It's over. The end.

No more reading for you. Stop right here.

...

You're still doing it. I mean it.

...

What, are you expecting a tearful goodbye? Because you aren't getting one! You can't see my face as I type this! I'm not crying, I swear!

...



Alright, I suppose a concluding statement is in order. Thanks a lot to all of you who read this all the way through, to everyone who contributed, to everyone who gave half a damn about it, and to everyone on NPF for letting me keep this going for 46 chapters on the forum. It was a fun ride... mostly... (burns Dragon's Den at the stake) and it feels weird to have it done with.

But yes, it's over.

And I'm not. Fucking. Crying.


So what's next for me, you may ask?



...

.....Nah. That'd be just crazy. Screw Let's Plays, I'm not making another for as long as I live, and you're lucky you got this one!

[Amake]

Woo! It's over! Yahoo! Wait, why are we cheering? I liked it.

Really. Delicious snark. And what a gruesome effort. That warrants some Internet points.

(Copy and paste as needed.)

[Revising Ocelot]

Ooh, coupons that have already expired before you get them, that's delicious. Remind me to give one of those to someone's next birthday.

And woah, you really did start on 06-05-2008 Kerensky. That's either a major effort or major slack. Hopefully the former!

[Possum Knight]

Congrats! Rarely do you see a let's play like this get finished,much less stay humorous through it's entirety. Good job!!