Rejoice Citizens, Paranoia begins a new... (Paranoia XP RPG)

[Sky Warrior Bob]

Greetings Citizens, I am proud to inform you that, the Great Eyed One shall be returning to its usual duties of bringing more joy and happiness to your life than you can stand. So much joy and happiness, that a great deal of you might drop dead of it, and if you don't, it's very likely The Computer will find some other excuse to terminate you on sight.

That's just the way the TacNuke bouces (or at least fails too).

This is not to suggest that The Computer has gone anywhere, as it of course never went anywhere. It has always been there, watching your every move, making filling your day full of joy & happiness, as well as protecting you from the evils of Communists, mutants, people named Ted, and a host of other things which I'm not cleared to tell you about.

Rumors to the contrary are treason, and punishable by summary execution. Failure to report such rumors, upon hearing them are well punishable by summary execution. Those who annoying point out that, citizens who hear such rumors and don't report them, recieve the same fate as those who *DO* report them, will be promptly shot and used as test dummies for R&D's new atomic printing press.

Fear & Ignorance begins again... In August 2004.

http://www.costik.com/paranoia

MONGOOSE GETS PARANOID
New PARANOIA XP edition and support line debut in August 2004


The Computer: Greetings, citizen! How may I help you?


Player: I hear Mongoose Publishing is releasing a new edition of the
Paranoia roleplaying game this August. What can you tell me about it?


The Computer: State your reason for requesting this information.


Player: Uh... I guess I was wondering whether to buy it.


The Computer: Excellent, citizen! You wish to legitimately purchase this
product, rather than steal The Computer's valuable intellectual property
like a traitorous data pirate. This demonstrates your loyalty to the ideals
of Alpha Complex.
Brought to you by The Computer's brilliant researchers in the R&D
service firms of MNG Sector, PARANOIA XP is the entirely updated and
perfected version of the darkly humorous RPG originally published by West
End Games. The new edition's writers include PARANOIA co-creator Greg
Costikyan, longtime paranoiac Allen Varney, and Famous Game Designer Aaron
Allston. There are also devious and subtle new contributions from the
original PARANOIA line editor, Ken Rolston.


Player: Is PARANOIA XP still about living in an underground city of the
future ruled by an insane Computer?


The Computer: The Computer is not "insane." Traitors lurk everywhere.
In the old days, The Computer's loyal Troubleshooters only worried about
Commie subversion, secret society sabotage, unregistered mutants, robot
liberators, feuding High Programmers, tainted drugs, exploding food vats,
nuclear hand grenades, and the occasional giant atomic cockroach. How naive!
Now your clone family faces not only these persistent threats, but a
new host of looming dangers such as viral licenses, closed-source genetic
retooling, identity rentals, subconscious post-hypnotic brain-spam,
Infrared-market WMD auction sites, and filesharing.


Player: Filesharing?


The Computer: Filesharing is Communism! Fortunately, The Computer's loyal
Central Processing service firms have devised many innovative digital-rights management methods to shield you from temptation. The most promising methods manage your actual physical digits. Would you care to get
your fingerprints remapped?


Player: Uh... maybe later. Is this new PARANOIA XP anything like the game's
earlier editions?


The Computer: PARANOIA XP combines the scary-funny, sardonic tone of
PARANOIA's first edition (1984) with the fast-playing, rules-light approach
of the second edition (1987).


Player: Are you using the d20 rules system?


The Computer: No. PARANOIA is fun. D20 games are not fun. The Computer says so.
PARANOIA's second edition rules were, of course, perfect. The new
PARANOIA XP expunges certain imperfections introduced by subversive
elements, and will be even more perfect.
Remember, citizen, PARANOIA is a game of satire, not parody. It is not
-- attend to this -- NOT "wacky." Expect NO awful misfiring "wacky"
parodies of Westerns, cyberpunk, Arthurian myth, post-holocaust Australia,
or angsty goth-punk blather.


Player: "Orcbusters" was a parody of fantasy games, wasn't it?


The Computer: "Orcbusters" obtained prior Internal Security approval using
Special Registered Parody Dispensation Form KR1986-12/j. All unregistered
parodies are treason.
Instead, the new PARANOIA XP support line recalls the illustrious
releases of 1984-88, such as Acute Paranoia, Send in the Clones, Alpha
Complexities, and the award-winning Yellow Clearance Black Box Blues.
Mongoose will reissue updated versions of much of this excellent material
soon after PARANOIA XP debuts.


Player: Does the new edition use material from the "Fifth Edition"?


The Computer: There is no Fifth Edition.


Player: Huh? Come on, I've seen it myself!


The Computer: You are mistaken, citizen. No Fifth Edition was published by
West End Games in 1995, nor did West End show pages from a projected "Long Lost Third Edition" at GenCon in 1997. Note that there also has never been a Crash Course Manual, nor any "Secret Society Wars," "MegaWhoops," or "Reboot Camp" adventures.
These products never existed. They are now un-products.
Are you absolutely clear on this, citizen? Do you still doubt The
Computer? Perhaps you need to visit the Bright Vision Re-Education Center.


Player: Uh, no! I trust The Computer. The Computer is my friend! But Friend
Computer -- against all the dangers you so brilliantly enumerated, how can
I possibly survive?


The Computer: I'm sorry, that information is not available at your security
clearance.


PARANOIA XP. AUGUST 2004. MONGOOSE PUBLISHING.
BUY PARANOIA. IT WILL BE FUN. FUN IS MANDATORY.


PARANOIA is a trademark jointly held by Eric Goldberg and Greg Costikyan
and used under exclusive license by Mongoose Publishing. Copyright (c) 2004
Eric Goldberg and Greg Costikyan. All rights reserved.