Booyakasha, friends. Let's Talk Turtle.

[Intern Nin]

Didn't feel like reviving the old thread, seeing as how it was already a 100+ posts long and over a year old. (The Neighborhood Watch would like to remind you that thread necromancy is still a crime against humanity.)

I think it's safe to say that a lot of fans are already long past the point of actually giving a shit about the new Michael Bay produced TMNT flick coming out in the next year or so. After hearing Bay's incoherent rambling about how children will believe in the existence of Alien Turtles and reading that god-awful (not)Casey-Jones-centric script, that's pretty understandable. So, I'm just gonna swap out the ensuing the whining and bellyaching and general |click here| that I feel in heart of hearts about this whole thing. You can click the word dump if you want to, I'm gonna talk about cartoons like a mature adult who is still dependent on his family.

Click here and soon you will wish you hadn't.So, after the outcry over the internet about the leaked script, Michael Bay started backpedaling like loco and was all, "Aliens? Tch, I never said that. You guys must have misheard me because of all the not-brains between your ears." He went on about how that was totally an early draft that got out and how the the finished product will in no way, shape, or form resemble that script. So, the story went through an overhaul, or at least the studio said it did, and they began casting and filming just a few months ago. You probably already know about Megan Fox's role in this movie and that's all I feel like saying about that particular topic. Danny Woodburn is playing Splinter, probably more to due with the motion capture that's being used and his stature rather than actually fitting the role of "wise, man-sized rat ninja master". I should probably be more upset about this, seeing as how he's metaphorically taking food out of the mouth of one the many elderly Asian actors out there who make a living off of playing stock martial arts masters, but hey, he found work after Seinfeld that doesn't involve dressing up in pointy shoes or speakin' wit an Oirish aksent. Good for him.

I don't even know anything about the guys playing the turtles and I don't feel like finding out. It's not like any of the guys whose played the turtles in any of live-action films did anything significant before or moved on to greatness after. (I'm looking at you, Corey Feldman.) The newest bit of subdued butt-hurt stems from the announcement of William Fichtner being signed on to the movie. The people in charge haven't said who he's playing exactly, only that's a very important character in the franchise and the article says it's probably Shredder. Or Schraeder, as he is now called. Ugh. And so, there is now a Caucasian actor filling in the role of every Japanese character for this movie. Kudos, Bay and Liebesman. Kudos Hollywood.

So let's talk about the newest toon on Nick. So far, it is pretty frickin' good. The show does a very good job of combining the different elements of the franchise (tragic story of ninja vengeance/ pulp sci-fi) in a very cool way. It's funny, action-packed, and sometimes even smart. The turtles are fifteen years mutated (again), have just begun exploring the surface (yet again), and recently discovered the culinary delight that is pizza (it's back baby). I should be bored of this by now but the turtles' personalities, banter, and enthusiasm plus pretty animation makes me forget that this is the (one, two, three, four...) fifth time I've seen the same origin story played out but in a different way and makes me want more. Did I mention the animation? Top notch by television standards. Nick seems to given the show an Avatar sized budget and it shows. Speaking of Avatar, the fights in this show, like Avatar, are the best. Just plain great. The movements are fluid and the choreography is something else.

The voice acting in this is the best that it's ever been and the cast, man. Oh man, the cast. Jason Biggs (aka Pie Guy) plays Leonardo less like the ultra-disciplined martial arts student insta-leader of the past and more of a rookie teenage leader who is heavily into martial arts and sci-fi cartoons. (Also, Space Heroes is the best incarnation of Star Trek to date, by the way.) Donatello is played by Rob "Raphael '87 / The Voice" Paulsen and is just equal parts cringe-worthy nerd-ling behavior and smart-mouth butt-kicker. Sean Austin's (Samwise, Twoflower, and Mikey) Raphael is twisted piece of jerk with a heart of golden jerk. He's my favorite. Michelangelo (Greg Cipes) is... well, pretty much Beast Boy minus the ears and vegetarianism.

Splinter (Hoon Lee) is Hamato Yoshi again and he is the best ninja master ever. For those of you who miss Spectacular Spider-man, Kevin Michael Richardson (Tombstone) is playing the Shredder this time around. There's no giggle rays, just his thirst for vengeance. Also, Mae Whitman, Kelly Hu, Clancy Brown, Nolan North, Lewis Black are on this show. I wish I could gush more about their respective April, Karai, cartoon Chuck Norris, Kraang, and Spiderbites but I'm already past wall of text here.

Bottom line: Everyday is talk like a Kraang Day and if you're only going to watch one merchandise-driven, half-hour program on Saturday morning, make it this one.

Or I will find you.

[Magus]

Let's not even talk about that TMNT movie. I mean I only got five words to say on that:

Megan Fox is April O'Neil.

Okay so let's just forget that shit is a thing that is happening, that a "human being" (I guess Bay qualifies...) is doing that, choosing Megan Fox to play April O'Neil. To save our sanity, let's just never speak of it again.

---------- Post added at 12:13 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:12 AM ----------

Like seriously please God let's never ever speak of it again.

---------- Post added at 12:14 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:13 AM ----------

SERIOUSLY PLEASE. PLEASE MAKE IT GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

[Intern Nin]

Shh, shh ,shhhhh. It's okay, man. You're in a safe place. Viacom won't replace your childhood crush with an insipid actress here.

[Krylo]

Yes they will.

[Magus]

THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS, THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS

[Aerozord]

I am just sad that the turtles movies will make money simply for being a turtles movie. I mean its not like being horrible and kicking the subject matter in the nuts stopped Transformers from making tons of cash.

[Aldurin]

So when does EA publish the game to go with the movie?

[Magus]

Originally Posted by Aldurin

So when does EA publish the game to go with the movie?

Originally Posted by Aerozord

I am just sad that the turtles movies will make money simply for being a turtles movie. I mean its not like being horrible and kicking the subject matter in the nuts stopped Transformers from making tons of cash.

Originally Posted by Michael Bay

If you want a picture of [my film, Ninja Turtles], imagine a boot stamping on a human face — forever. You are imagining that there is something called human nature which will be outraged by what we do and will turn against us. But we create human nature. Men are infinitely malleable.

[Intern Nin]

The one known as Aldurin is clearly saying the things that the one known as Aldurin is saying in this place for the purpose of driving Nin up a wall. Nin asks that the one known as Aldurin ceases to say things that the one known as Aldurin is saying to drive Nin up a wall.

[Intern Nin]

Cheer up, Emo Kid. At least we still got an awesome comic by IDW, a neat looking game coming out, and a cartoon that's been renewed for three seasons already. As long as there's profit to be made from this franchise, there's always a chance for a movie reboot.

Now shut up and sing along.